Slash That

Sun, 18 May 2008 20:07:18 GMT

Title:The Second Sunday of October
Author: howido_fics
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan (POV)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ryan spent most of his life watching people come in and out of it. All he wanted was one person who would stay. AU 21,000 words.
Disclaimer: This is not real. Nor are the characters or places. This is a happy story. If you want tears, pain, stress, heartache, death...turn on the news.

The second Sunday of October was the day that changed my life.

It started as any other Sunday. I could be found in the third pew of St. Joseph's Church in my hometown: Carlisle, West Virginia, home of Carlisle University. Since I've lived here, which was all my life, the church had gone through a major renovation. When I was a child, the whole church was dark and creaked when you sat on the benches. The walls were lined with figurines of the Stations of the Cross and stained glass windows. Now it's bright and contemporary. The crucifix was flat. And...abstract.

I ran my thumb across the cross on the rosary my grandmother had left me. It was metal and sharp, and Jesus was easily recognizable compared to the centerpiece above the altar. Sometimes I would sit, tilt my head to the left, squint, and I could see how it might be a human form, but it was a stretch.

Upon modernizing the church, they left only eight pews with kneelers, all of which are in the front. Apparently, the new Archbishop was all about standing during Communion, but there were still some of us who believed in the 'old' way. Sure, I was up front with the ones on walkers and canes, but to me, it felt right. I always sat up there next to Mrs. Thacker and Mr. and Mrs. Finch, but at least I could kneel.

My parents didn't arrange my childhood education for me to simply give up on my traditions. If I owed them one thing, it would be that. I knew growing up was a struggle living forty five minutes from the nearest private school and arranging transportation for me. I also knew that when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and I was transferred to a public school walking distance from my house; we all made sacrifices. Of course I didn't fit in, but at least my schooling wasn't a burden.

Actually, I didn't really fit in the Catholic school either. But at least there I had something more powerful to concentrate on than CHS where it was all about name brands and weekend activities.

"...to the powers of Hell. Lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of My mercy."

The brick building started to fill up as it always did on Sundays when the sun was shining. It was almost as if the parishioners wanted to feel that they weren't 'wasting' the day like they would have by sleeping in on a rainy day. Today was exceptionally noisy. Little children whined while babies cried. I picked up the bulletin, noticing there were six baptisms following Mass. That made sense, I thought, placing the folded white paper beside me; April and October were the only months the church held them.

They used to have baptisms whenever needed. A child was born; a month later they were baptized. The ceremony was normally held during the Mass even. But now, with our priest traveling between two churches, service schedules were strict and group baptisms became a necessity.

The lector announced the first song and everyone rose, pulling me away from my thoughts. I smiled through the verse of 'Come Gather' keeping my voice strong, but low. I didn't want to take away from Mrs. Carter, sitting at my left, considering she was a music teacher in the Carlisle School District for over fifty years.

Glancing back down the aisle at Father Patrick, I easily saw over the people around me with my tall thin frame. I took note of how full the church actually was. For a seating capacity of 150 and a parish size a little over 200, it was getting crowded. There were people waiting in the corridor as well as ushers scalping for empty seats.

I sighed through the opening prayer, sang 'Glory Be' and managed to scoot over just in time for a guy to sit down next to me. I felt his presence more than I gave him my attention. He leaned into me slightly, causing me to shift more towards Mrs. Carter. Reaching to grab the missalette, he strained to see the page I was on. I smiled to myself, tilting my book to give him the access he needed. "Thanks" filled my ear along with a warm breath of air and I tried to regain my concentration on the first reading.

Having missed most of the twenty line Scripture, I reread it quickly while the guitarist and pianist began the responsorial psalm. The rest of the readings ran smoothly, earning my full attention. I couldn't help but notice the boy beside me always being a step behind. I wondered if it had been a while since he attended Mass or if he was here for a niece or nephew's baptism. The explanations flooded my mind as a parish counsel member begged for money.

I came to the conclusion that he was indeed here for a baptism as Father spoke about love knowing no boundaries. While Father Patrick and the rest of the congregation prepared for communion, I watched the body beside me hesitantly follow those around him. Standing. Sitting. Standing. Kneeling... From the corner of my eye, I could see his dark hair and shorter build. He was wearing a long sleeve blue shirt and khakis. I was impressed for someone his age. Normally they wore jeans, but dress slacks showed a little respect. He must have to be in family pictures or something after the baptism.

Rising up to say the 'Our Father', I held my hands out. Mrs. Carter took my left and I had expected my right to hang loose. Slightly shocked, the boy next to me grabbed a hold and kept a strong grip, reciting the words clearly. He had a deeper voice. It was smooth. Gulping when I noticed my left hand being dropped, I did the same to my right, instinctively rubbing it on my pants.

The sign of peace was the first eye contact we made. Looking from his hand to his face, I threw a complimentary smile, freezing and losing my breath as our eyes met. I was wrong. He wasn't a boy, but maybe my age. His shoulders were broader than mine, and he wore strong but somehow subtle aftershave. I cleared my throat, shaking my head and muttering a 'Peace be with you' before turning my attention to the others around me.

"Peace be with you Mr. Ross."
"Peace be with you Ryan."
"Peace be with you Doctor..."

The rest of the Mass was a blur. Since all I could thing about was his eyes. His thick nose that spread across his face, and the two red plump lips stretched out in a smile to his defined jaw. After communion, I prayed for my parents and the thoughts I couldn't get out of my head. I was interrupted by the church announcements.

"...The K of C will be hosting a breakfast right after Mass. The food is free, but donations are welcome. Parishioners and guest are welcome to attend..."

I barely got the sign of the cross in before Mass was ended with 'Amazing Grace'. I heart skipped a beat when I heard the boy next to me confidently belt out the words. I honestly never heard something so amazing in my entire life.

After small talk outside, in which I guaranteed Alice Winters that I had plenty of pumpkins, agreed to trim the Fosters' lawn one last time before the first frost, and accepted Mrs. Carter's invitation for chili on Wednesday night, I finally made it to breakfast. My eyes scanned the room, subconsciously looking for the boy. There was a slight disappointment in my chest when I didn't see him.

I made my way over to the table of danishes and drinks, stopping to talk to Mr. O'Conner about where he had purchased the baked goods. Laughing at one of his jokes I had heard a countless number of times, I was relieved for the interruption of the orange juice needing refilled. Picking up a plate, I heard a giggle and moved aside for little Maddie Sawyer and Sara French to hustle their way through the crowded room. Sara's mom shouted for them to slow down, but the girls were already out the door.
Shaking my head, I didn't even notice the blue shirt standing next to me. Coughing to clear my throat, I reached for a cream cheese danish, watching his confused look. "So, uh..." I started, noticing that he was still staring at the food. "Can't decide between donuts or danishes?" I asked, knowing I sounded like an idiot.

"No, no..." He started before turning to look at me. My heart melted a little seeing his grin grow once he recognized me. "I was thinking there would be chicken or something..."

Furrowing my brows, I picked up another pastry. "Chicken? For breakfast?"

"Well." I saw a blush fill his cheeks. "They said the KFC..."

Grinning, but trying not to laugh, I corrected him. "No. I mean." I tried to sound polite. "It's the K 'OF' C, like, the Knights of Columbus."

He still looked confused, but shrugged. "Oh..." He picked up a peach filled breakfast and made his way towards a seat. I watched him walk away when he stopped and stared at me. "Would you like to join me Dr. Ross?" He smirked and I followed him to an empty corner. The table wasn't empty for long as the parishioners took part of the free breakfast. There was a bowl in the middle of the table where I threw $10 in donation and turned to smile at the boy.

"Um, you think they take credit?" He asked, looking from me to the money.

I laughed. "I doubt that, but you can get them next time, yea?" Taking a bite of the iced pastry he nodded slowly. I did the same, chewing thoroughly, swallowing, and wiping my lips with my napkin. "I'm not really a doctor..." I didn't know why I felt the need to inform him of that. But, something in me (maybe my catholic guilt) wanted me to tell the truth. He simply raised his brows at me and took another bite, nodding in an expression to ask me to continue. "Well, I..." Terrance Johnson sat across from us, wobbling to his seat as his daughter brought him a plate. He was a WWII vet who had lost his leg. Walking with a cane, he used to play tricks on the kids when he would walk around in shorts without his fake one in place.

I smiled at him when he asked if I was visiting my parents any time soon. I promptly applied. "Yes Sir, I do every Sunday." He grunted, telling what a well raised man I was, eyeing the boy next to me suspiciously. Eating more of my breakfast, I glanced over at the kid, glad he was completely oblivious to the looks he was receiving.

Even though we were in a college town, it didn't make the locals any more accepting of the new and... different. They still had their reservations and unfortunately, I was the same. Normally, I wouldn't associate with college students. Sure, I was 26, but most of them were the same. Outspoken and too liberal for my taste. Plus, even if you befriended them, they would be gone in a few years, not looking back. I wasn't raised to accept things that were not like my own, but there was something about this boy. (Maybe it was his eyes).

"Dr. Ross, you were saying?" I turned my attention to the boy in my thoughts. He grinned at me, chunk of icing on his chin as he chewed.

I glanced down at it and up at him. "You kinda..." I rubbed my chin with my napkin, hoping he would do the same. But he just stared at me weird. "You've got something on your chin." Making a weird face, I watched him shrug and wipe his hand across it, the white substance landing in his palm, pouting at it, he picked it up and popped it back in his mouth like it was nothing.

My eyes must have been huge as I stared at him. Never had I seen someone over the age of 5 have such bad manners. He continued to eat as if it was the most normal thing in the world, taking another bite, and talking with his mouth full. "Don't let me interrupt, you were talking before..."

I nodded and took a drink of my orange juice. Wiping my hands on my napkin, I spoke to him. "I'm not really a doctor, you see. I just have my PhD, and well, people call me doctor, but I don't practice anything."

"Oh." He smiled. "I'm not a doctor either, but people call me Brendon." He threw out his hand and I accepted. "Nice to meet you Ryan Ross."

---

We were eventually kicked out of the cafeteria a little after noon. The K of C wanted to clean, and really, Brendon and I were the only ones left in the building. Making our way out back to the cemetery which was shaded with heavy maple and oak trees that were changing with the autumn. In the distance were miles of mountains since we were in the middle of the Appalachians, it was beautiful out here, especially in the fall.

From the two hours I spent talking to Brendon, I learned that he was in fact a college student. He was working on his Master's in Communication and currently doing his thesis on southern drawls. Growing up out West with a Mormon upbringing, he did his undergrad at BYU and wanted to travel to the South to study since he loved the accent after watching Dukes of Hazard reruns.

Over the past few months that he was in Carlisle, he attended a different church every weekend. Taking in the culture, the spoken word, and the dialect. He said the Catholic church so far was the most 'normal' speaking. I laughed and told him it was because our priest was from Chicago.

Besides the scenery and listening to people talk on campus, Brendon was really interested in the radio and news shows in the town. He actually taped them all so he could watch them and take notes. I found it interesting that he was so enthused about something I saw every day. But I guessed you had to be if it was your major.

We made our way around the curve of the gravel path, and I stopped, kneeling and placing my hand on the head stone. It was the first time Brendon was actually silent or not trying to fill the gaps of conversation. Saying a small prayer, I traced my fingers along the engravings: Ross, Michael David & Sherry Beth (Cook) like I did every week, rain or shine. Normally I'd spend a few hours, telling them hello and about my week, today though, I cut it short.

Standing back up, I gave Brendon a small smile and gestured for us to walk the back way out of the graveyard. Much to my relief, the conversation picked back up again as though nothing had happened. I told him how I lived in the house I grew up in and since it was paid off, I worked small jobs around the community to pay for the electric and water. Living off my inheritance, I basically worked to keep myself busy and in my free time, I wrote.

"I would like to see some of your writing some day." He smiled, kicking a rock on the sidewalk. "If it's anything like your personality and charisma, it has to be nothing short of wonderful."

A blush crept up my neck; I laughed it off. "Yea, well, the publishers don't seem to think so. I haven't had anything published in over three years."

"I'm sure you will eventually. I mean, as long as you keep writing, they are bound to find something they like."

I nodded at him, noticing we were about fifteen feet from my house. "Well, this is me." I smiled, shielding my eyes to look at him. I stuck out my hand to him. "It's been great getting to know you. And if you happen to make it back to the Church once your rounds are met, then maybe we can catch up again." After shaking his hand, I walked towards the gate and opened it. Closing it behind me, Brendon called my name.

Facing him again, he took two steps up my walkway. "Can I, I mean. Can I have your number or something...so we can catch up?" He got out his cell phone, most likely to program my info in.

Placing my hands on the metal fencing, I sighed. "Brendon, I really don't do phones, you know..." A pout spread across his face, and I cleared my throat. "But, uh, I mean, you know where I live. So don't, uh. Be a stranger?" Yes, I really needed to work on my people skills. I looked up in time to see a smile fill his entire face.

I knew at the moment I would do anything to see that again.

--

I could tell you about the weeks I didn't see Brendon. I could tell you how I looked for him at Mass on Sundays and peeked out the window every time I heard a car come near my house. I could tell you I thought about him a lot, almost more than I thought about my parents or my bills or who was winning on American Gladiators.

But most importantly, I was pissed at myself for not giving him my phone number. There was something in me that half expected him to secretly know it. And every time the phone rang, my heart would skip a beat in hopes/fear that it was him.

At 7:30 one night, I was about to turn on Jeopardy when the phone rang. Answering it wearily, I was relieved it was Spencer.

"Dude, seriously, you sound like you saw a ghost or something. I can just see you, standing there by the phone wide eyed and knees bent in."

I looked at my reflection in the china cabinet and looked down. Shaking my head. "I, I just thought you were someone else..."

"Right, seriously, I'm your only friend, well, besides Jon, and he's at work, so, who may I ask would be calling you?"

"I..." I walked back over to the TV, pulling the cord with me, stretching it out. "I have other friends."

"Under the age of 50 Ryan?"

I narrowed my eyes, hating the fact that he was right. Getting defensive, I started. "No, Brendon is my..."

"Brendon? Who's Brendon?"

Shit. I bit my lip and groaned.

"Huh? Who's Brendon?"

I swallowed knowing I couldn't get myself out of this one. Spencer wasn't the type of person who would just let something slide. He pushed and prodded and poked and annoyed the living snot out of you until you answered. "He's someone I met at church."

"Oh, interesting."

I sat on a stool in the kitchen, fingers running over the apples in a bowl on the island. "Not so much, I mean, we just talked a little."

"Tell me about him."

I sighed. "There's not much to say, I mean, we just talked."

"Is it the boy you were with a few weeks ago?"

My eyes grew. "How did you?"

Spencer laughed. "My mom was at a friend's house and she saw you walking with someone. And, she said it was like 3 in the afternoon, so I don't think a 5 hour conversation is just a little talk, Ry."

Running my hand through my hair, I rest my forehead in my palm. Really, you couldn't keep a secret in this town. Everyone knew everyone's business. It was pathetic at times, but I guess, it had its convenience. "Yea, well."

"So tell me about him." Spencer pressed.

I picked up an apple and rolled it across the counter. "What do you want to know?"

"Um, everything? I mean, if he's your friend, he might be my friend eventually, right?"

"I don't think we are friends. We just talked, it's not like I hav..."

I heard a groan. "Just spill it, shit."

"Fine." I got up, making my way to the couch, cord sweeping across the floor behind me. "His name is Brendon. He is getting his masters here in communication. He's a Mormon and he comes from a big family. He's obsessed with the southern accent and talks with his hands. His voice is the best thing I have ever heard and when he..."

"Does he know you have a major crush on him?"

My jaw dropped as I tried to form words. "What!?! Spence!?"

"I'll take that as a no. Just tell him, come on, you need some real companionship in your life."

"Spen, I'm not...I've never...I don't"

Spencer laughed. "Yea, well, you haven't been with a girl either."

"SPEN!"

"What? Jon and I were talking the other day, and Haley agrees too that.."

"What?!?! You guys talk about that me...that shit! You don't. You are..."

"Seriously, it's not that big of deal. I mean, you know we worry about you. And all we want is for you to be happy..."

I fell over the back of the couch, sinking my head between a cushion. "Spencer, it's not...I'm not. Really, I, I don't..."

"Ryan. I've been your best friend for years. Don't bullshit me."

Sighing, I sunk more into the couch, my legs dangling on the back. "Look. We just talked, and that's all. I mean, he's cool. And easy to get along with. And for a college student, he has a good head on his shoulders. Speaking of which, he's in college Spen, we know what that means, shit. He'll be done with his master's in May, then I will never see him again. So it's just like, what's the point, you know?"

"You know what I know, I'm hearing a lot of words, but it only sounds like bullshit. Ryan, seriously..."

Kicking my legs, they fell to my side, and I moved to sit up again. "No, seriously, I haven't heard from him since that day, so, obviously, even if there was a chance I might like him, like that." I whispered. "He isn't around and he isn't trying to find me. So it seems that I meant noth..."

There was a knock at my door. I glanced at the clock. My TV on mute showed that it was Final Jeopardy, so at least 5 till 8. "Hold on Spen, actually, I'll call you back in a few, someone's at the door."

"Kay, I'll be waiting."

"Yea, yea." I muttered as I hung up the phone shouting 'Just a Minute' to my visitor who was still knocking.

Not even straightening my hair from the damage the cushion did to it, I opened the door to see a fist about ready to knock again. Luckily, I ducked in time only for the knocker to fall forward into my threshold.

"Oh, uh, sorry." I heard the person laugh. The wind picked up, blowing the leaves around bringing some in the house. I watched them flutter around and land, and then looked up at the stranger.

"Oh, hey Brendon." I smiled, pulling him inside before Mother Nature dirtied my house even more.

Brendon shook his body like a wet dog, trying to undo what the wind had done. He grinned at me. "Well Hello, Ryan Ross." Waving at me, I gestured him further into the house, offering to take his coat. Hanging it on the rack next to the door, I then asked him if he was thirsty or hungry. He followed me to the kitchen where he began to apologize. "...so, sorry I've been a stranger." I simply shrugged, acting like I didn't even notice. "Well, I was back home, my Nanna died."

Holding my hand over my chest, I gasped. "Bren, I'm so sorry."

He brushed it off. "Sadly, it was no big deal. She didn't like me much anyway." He made a face. "Hell, I was only there for my mother, you know. She made me go. I don't know that side of the family that well, so, I went and got the whole spiel of..." He sat on the bar stool, puffing out his chest. "'So Brendon, what are you doing with your life?' And I told them all about my thesis and all that stuff and they seemed so proud." Brendon swirled his glass around, stirring up the pulp that settled at the bottom. "They were all, 'You finally got that dream of being a hairdresser out of your head, huh, finally got a good head on your shoulders.' Then I remembered, like I almost blocked it out, that all through high school I wanted to be a barber or a makeup artist or a hair stylist, but no one ever supported me, you know?" I nodded. "And, and I..." Biting his index finger nail, he spit it in his hand, getting up to throw it in the trash. "I left the funeral, got on a flight, came back here, dropped out of college and enrolled in the cosmetology school in Grange."

He sighed and I looked at him, face empty of expression. "Um, wow."

Laughing, he sat back down, the smirk still on his face. "I just thought, you know, this whole...college thing, it wasn't for me. It was what my parents wanted. And hell, I paid for it. So, I took the money I got refunded from the university, applied it towards the beauty school and an apartment and now, here I am."

Setting my cup back down after a long drink, I swallowed. "That's." I started. "That's real, wow. I mean, for you to do that, just...follow your dream. That's..."

He let out a short laugh. "Yea, well, I wanted to live for me, you know?" I nodded again. "I wanted to make me happy, and I have to say, these past two weeks have been the best ever. I've made some good friends and like, for once, I really like what I am doing."

"That's great."

"Yea, it really is. But, my place is a dump." He looked at me. "You know, where I live. It's cheap, so that is good, but I just drove back from 10 hours of classes to find a note on my door telling me that someone saw cockroaches coming from my door, so they boarded it up for the night and sprayed, so I'm like..."

I stopped him because he looked so pitiful. "Hey, I have an empty couch. You are welcome to crash here until it's up and running."

"Oh my gosh, really?"

Shrugging, I laughed at his excitement. "I don't see why not..."

He jumped off his stool and hugged me tightly, thanking me repeatedly. It felt nice to be hugged by someone who really meant it. I hadn't had that in a real long time. When he pulled off he gasped, staring into the dining room. "Why do you have so much candy?" His eyes were huge as he took in the eight bowls of sugar that I had positioned on the table.

"That." I smiled, leading him into the room. "I kinda make a big deal out of Halloween. Some of my friends come over and we decorate for the kids and pass out candy. It's a big deal around here."

"But this much?"

Grinning, I nodded. "Last year I ran out. So yea."

"Holy shit! That's a lot of candy." He eyed the different Willy Wonka treats, smiling until a sigh escaped. "We didn't celebrate Halloween growing up."

"Really?" I picked up a Double Bubble and handed one to him.

Accepting graciously, he popped it in his mouth, not even chewing it properly, but talking with a huge lump on his left cheek. "Like, no dressing up, no passing out candy, no trick or treating..." He slurped, wiping his hand across his mouth as some spit began to drip down his chin.

I pulled a napkin from the centerpiece and handed it to him. "Well, if you would like, I mean, even 'cause you might still be staying here, until, you know, my friends and I dress up and have a good time, so, you could, you know." I shrugged. "You are welcome to join us."

His face lit up again. "That would be awesome!" His grin filled his entire face, my heart, and the whole quarter mile block.

--

2

Sun, 18 May 2008 19:51:13 GMT

Brendon had in fact slept over at my place for the past week. He helped with decorating for Halloween, then slept in my bed, since the couch wasn't very comfortable. He had class the following days, so I could sleep during the day in my bed. Normally I couldn't sleep during daylight, but smelling someone else in the house, on my sheets seemed to calm me. Plus, for some strange reason, I happened to forget from when I pulled all nighters in college that I tended to write better between the hours of 2 and 6 am.

Neither of us had a costume ready an hour before the guys were due to be over. So we decided to dig through my father's clothes in the attic. I picked out a pirate outfit and Brendon decided to be a hippie. Once we were dressed, we showed our outfits to one another and laughed, quickly switching clothes so we were the other. I felt much more at home in the pale green paisley shirt, the brown leather vest, bell bottoms and thin pointed shoes. Brendon had escaped into the bathroom, only coming out when I shouted that my friends would be over any minute.

I was out in the kitchen when I saw him fully dressed. Fixing a bowl of popcorn and making sure the fridge was stocked with drinks, I turned around to see him standing there, giving a dirty grin. "Arrr!" He laughed, jumping and doing a little jig, circling to show me his outfit. I was highly impressed. He wore a dark purple blouse, which looked like my mothers, the top opened a few buttons, then a black vest, again, I was thinking my mothers. A pair of worn out cut off dress slacks and thick purple tights that disappeared up his legs. Complete with an over sized pair of shoes, his face was scruffy looking, along with his hair. There was a large gold hoop, which looked almost like a bracelet, in his ear. A headband, much like the one I was wearing adorned his head, and his eyes were traced darkly with a line of black.

I swallowed, taking in the sight in front of me, but luckily I was interrupted by the door bell. Brendon jumped again clapping. "Our first Trick or Treaters!"

Laughing, I patted his head as I walked by to answer the door. "I doubt that Brendon, it normally doesn't start until dusk, so we have a good forty five minutes until then. Come on." I gestured. "Come meet my friends." I smiled at him allowing him to follow me to the door. I pulled it open after a few more impatient knocks and greeted the three people on the other side.

"Spen! Hale! JON!" I pulled them all in for a hug, shoving them through the door. "Well look at you." I smirked, taking in Spencer and Haley's outfit. They were dressed up like Fred and Wilma Flintstone almost perfectly. I chuckled as Spencer yelled 'Yabba, dabba DOOO!" And Haley did her best 'Oh, Fred...' impression. Brendon was nothing but a pile of giggles, enjoying every minute of it.

"And what are you?" I joked with Jon. He was dressed in a black cap, his hair slicked back, pale white face with heavy fangs and blood dripping from his mouth.

Raising an eyebrow, he came towards me, hands out in a claw. "I vant to vuck your vloooood!" I fake screamed and ran into Brendon, who was almost doubled over in laugher.

"That is GREAT!" He managed to let out between breaths. I looked at him funny, and he bust out laughing more. "No, no." Brendon looked around, seeing everyone stare at him. "It's like a country vampire or something."

"Jon." Spencer cocked his hip. "I think he's making fun of your accent."

Gasping and holding his chest, Jon looked offended. "Nobody makes fun of Jonny Walker's voice!" He stated in a thick southern accent.

Brendon just stood there gaping. "You, you are Jonny Walker?" Jon nodded at him. I thought Brendon may have just fallen in love. "OH MY GOD! I listen to you like, religiously, and if I can't hear your show, sometimes I record it, so I can listen to it. And, and sometimes I record it just so I can listen to it again. You are awesome! Like the funniest guy ever! And your voice!" Brendon's mouth fell open.

"Well." I laughed. "Looks like you found your number one fan!"

"What, your fourth listener? It's kinda freaky..." Spencer joked.

Jon just beamed. "But fucking awesome!" He walked over to Brendon, flinging his arm around his shoulder. "You and I can be great friends. But, who are you?"

I slapped my head, being too caught up in the outfits to introduce. "Oh, sorry, this is..." And the door bell rang. I heard Brendon cheer, and I shook my head at him. "Not yet, like, forty minutes..." He was pouting by the time I opened the door to see Craig and Greta. Smiling at them, I ushered everyone into the living room where the other four had made themselves at home.

"Oh, now that everyone is here, first things first before I distribute the candy, and I get us some food, everyone, this is Brendon." I moved over, patting Brendon on the shoulder. "And Brendon, this is everyone." Smiling at him, I began to point. "You've met Spencer and Haley, aka Fred and Wilma. They are our newlyweds. This is their first Halloween as a married couple, and you will see, that they like to celebrate every holiday as a married couple, even though they have been together for over five years."

Spencer huffed. "Dude, you're just jealous!" He stuck his tongue out at me.

"Shit, just wait until they have a kid." Jon joked. "It will be like a million times worse!" With that, Jon earned a slap on the back of the head from Haley.

I laughed, then continued my introductions. "And you know Jon. Well, you know Jon's voice, but this is Jon." I pointed and Jon smiled up at Brendon who was sitting on the couch arm. "Over here we have the sexy nurse, Greta."

Jon was drooling, and tilting his head to see up her skirt. "Shit, where'd you get that outfit? Fredrick's or something." This of course gave Haley free reign to slap him again. "What?" He shrugged. "It's hot!"

Rolling my eyes, I gestured for her to sit, her boyfriend sitting first, pulling Greta into his lap. "And fresh off the 300 set, is Craig. He's just here 'cause he's dating Greta, no one likes him really." I said the last part in a loud whisper causing Craig to shove Greta off his lap and come charging towards me, grabbing my midsection and flipping me upside down.

Somehow everyone thought it would be funny to start tickling me. So, there I was suspended upside down, my face in Craig's barely covered crotch, with way too many hands grabbing at me. "UNCLE! UNCLE!" I yelled, cracking up and then I was placed on my back on the carpet. It took me a while to get my breath, and when I did, everyone had settled back into random spots on the living room furniture.

I managed to get up, dusting myself off. Addressing Brendon, he sat there with the biggest grin I had ever seen, so I couldn't help but smile back. "As you can see, we are a very mature group of twenty somethings." I smirked, moving to sit in my favorite rocking chair to catch my breath.

--

Brendon was ecstatic when the kids came in. He always answered the door and guessed what each kid was. The traffic in and out was non stop, and we almost ran out of candy during the last fifteen minutes, but Brendon had bought extra candy in case that happened, so now, we had a full bowl of assorted candy, and the kids were long gone and in their beds.

Our town was smart when it came to Halloween. No matter what the day of the week it was on, they always celebrated the Friday that was closest to it. It made it easier on the parents, kids, schools and town in general. It also made partying and hanging out with friends afterwards doable. Not that I had much to do except write, but Brendon didn't have classes. And the rest of us worked Monday through Friday, except Craig who worked at a bar, so, he didn't have to be in until late the next day.

We were all lounging around, catching up and getting to know Brendon. He told amazing stories of life near the west coast. Glancing around at my friends, whom I could tell, were now Brendon's friends too, I grinned, getting up to refill everyone's drinks and find some more food. Once I was in the kitchen, I paused at the counter, gripping it and sighing. I really hadn't been this happy in a long time. Normally holidays as simple as Halloween dug up memories that I wanted to forget.

I heard footsteps and voices coming into the kitchen, and I looked up to see Greta and Haley, arms linked, happiness radiating off them. Haley was the first to speak. "So, Brendon is a hottie!"

Gulping, I nodded, acting like I was just agreeing with her. "He's cool." I sighed.

Greta strode over to me, almost pinning me to the counter, Haley right at her side. "Are you guys, like...you know?"

I raised a brow at her and shook my head. "No, no..."

Mirroring the expression right back, Haley smirked. "Why not?" She then wiggled her brows, biting her lip.

"Look, I'm not..." I pushed past them to the fridge, grabbing some Capri Sun's and a few beers.

I felt them right next to me. "No..." Haley mocked. "You look." She took the drinks from my hands while Greta turned me around. "We have set you up with every eligible woman 50 miles from here. And you know what? None of them made you smile like you were out there." She pointed over her shoulder.

"And none of them looked at you like he does either..."

I interrupted. "What? How does he look at me?"

A knowing smirk spread across Greta's face, matching Haley's. "Well…" Haley started. "Every time he talks, he looks over at you to make sure you are listening. And whenever you talk, he is always paying attention. And he laughs the loudest at your lame ass jokes." She poked my stomach.

"So..." I placed my hands over my chest, not wanting them to stop.

"So." Greta laughed. "The boy obviously cares what you think of him and cares about what you have to say. I remember when Craig used to be like that. So inattentive and paid attention to me."

Haley agreed. "Oh, I know, if I could go back six years with the info I knew now, I would have talked a lot more and given a lot more pointers."

They both giggled, having their own little conversation. I sighed, bringing the attention back to me. "Oh!" Greta shrugged. "So, yea, if you mess this one up, I will physically hurt you. Cause he's pretty much head over heels."

"Shit." Haley piped in, reaching around me for a beer. "He's deeper than that."

Said person walked into the kitchen, quirking a brow at the three of us, huddled in the corner. "Oh." He raised his hands. "Don't let me interrupt; I was just getting a drink." Brendon winked, grabbing a Capri Sun, and danced back out of the room, gold earring bouncing with each step.

I turned back to Haley and Greta who gave me the same smartass expression. I sighed. "Ok, ok..." Causing them both to clap and squeal.

--

The fall flew by. Brendon spent more time at my place then his own, so with a three month lease, he gave it up early, and basically moved in with me. He wasn't making much money, since he was in school, so it seemed smart for him to use what little he did make on gas, and live with me. Upon moving out, we took his bed aka his pull out couch and put it in my study, which used to be my bedroom growing up.

Brendon insisted he would sleep in there, but by then, I was used to sleeping during the day, and writing at night, so it really only made sense that he would keep sleeping on my bed at night, and me during the day, then we would spend the evening together, eating, chatting, watching movies and hanging out. I got used to having little sleep on the weekends, but still managed to attend church each Sunday. Brendon would come with me sometimes, but I didn't force it upon him.

Our friendship was progressing. And deep down, whenever we hung out or happened to touch, the words and promises I had made to Haley and Greta stuck in the back of my head. It just didn't seem right. Like, I didn't want to mess it up. For the first time in a really long while, it seemed like I had finally found someone I could talk to and share things with, who also seemed to depend on me. Everyone around me had someone. And I realized once I found Brendon, that that was what I was missing. I needed someone I could share everything with. I needed someone who wanted to share everything with me. Growing up, I had my mom. Then I met Spencer, Jon, and Greta. Slowly, they met other people that occupied more of their time, and I was still Ryan who would go home alone.

For once, I didn't go home alone. When I went to the store or the movies or a bar, Brendon would come with me, and... it felt right. I felt whole.

It was a Saturday nearing the middle of December, and I was still up at 7am. My eyes wondered out the window, and I beamed, seeing the first flakes of snow falling out of the sky. I loved snow, each time we had any accumulation, I would sneak into my backyard that was secured with a privacy fence and build a snowman.

Not wanting to miss it, I slipped into my room to grab a pair of shoes and the digital camera I had charging on my dresser. As quiet as possible, I retrieved the stuff, only to trip over a pair of Brendon's pants. I cursed quietly bouncing off the wall. Stilling myself, I heard Brendon sigh and roll over. Before I left the room, I peered over to make sure he was still sleeping and I gasped a quick breath.

There he lay, flat on his back, sheet pushed in an odd toga-like placement. One arm stretched across the bed, hand dangling lifelessly, the other resting inches away from his midsection. His tan skin darkened against the white of the sheets, a defined tent below his hips. My mouth dried and my chest constricted, but I couldn't take my eyes off him. Off it. Never had I thought of Brendon sexually, but at that moment, I blushed, backed out of my room and ran to the bathroom.

Needless to say, I didn't make it outside.

--

Christmas came and went really slow. Brendon went home to be with his family. Getting a week and a half off of school, he decided to spend most of the vacation making sure to be home the weekend before. He had a homework assignment to cut someone's hair and take a before and after picture, so before he left, he begged me to be his victim. I was hesitant, and I knew he could tell, but he begged me. I still wasn't sure.

It was three days before New Years, and I was curled up in my bed, snuggled around the pillow that Brendon normally used, since it was on the right side, and I slept on the left. It couldn't be any later then 8 pm when I heard a noise in the living room. I shot up immediately, grabbing a guitar near the bed to protect me while I made my way towards the noise. With the instrument hoisted over my shoulder, I was ready to strike at any minute as I pressed my way into the living room.

I saw a body in a big coat, hunched over by the Christmas tree. What the hell? They were going to steal my presents for Brendon! I didn't think so. Getting ready to swing the six string, the person stood up and turned around, and screamed, arms up flailing.

"BRENDON!"
"RYAN!" Were yelled in unison as I dropped the guitar and held my chest. "What the?" We were both panting and he reached out, pulling me into a hug. I squeezed back tightly, pressing my nose into his shoulder while he rubbed my back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He muttered into my hair. "I just missed you and didn't want to stay there anymore, this is home now."

I pulled back and smiled at him. "I missed you too. This place is so quiet, and there weren't dishes sitting around everywhere." I smirked and he shoved me slightly, but still keeping me in my arms. I fell back into his shoulder and took another deep breath. I didn't realize until that moment how much I really did miss him.

--

"PLEASE!!!!"

"No!"

"Oh, come on, when's the last time?"

"The 3rd, and I will again on the third."

"But, come on! That's like...five days from now. Don't you want to look sexy and ultra new for Jon's party tonight?"

"No, I think I look just fine."

Placing his hands on his hips, I held out the casserole dish for him to dry. "You do look fine, completely fine. But..." Pushing it into his stomach, there was a wet line from the handle on his shirt. "Come on, I will fail my class if you don't. And you don't want that on your conscience do you?"

I laughed, pressing the glass into him more until he took it with a huff and dried it. "Maybe just a trim or something..."

"Just a trim!! Ross, I have ideas for your hair that will look magical and make you look like, five years younger."

Now it was my turn to place my hand on my hips, the dishwater dripping from my fist onto my bare foot. "Are you saying I look old?"

He stomped his foot as he dried the dish, reaching to put it in the cupboard. "That's not what I meant and you know it. Just, like...ok, so, I can give you a small trim, but then!" He held up a finger as I eyed him suspiciously. "I can fix it up for tonight, and the before and after will look like I gave you a huge new style to my teacher and I'll get an A!"

Sighing in defeat, I nodded. "Ok, but, just a trim, like, no more than a 1/4 an inch, or else my barber will think I'm sneaking out on him or something."

Brendon laughed, but cheered nonetheless.

--

"Ok, here, sit in the chair so I can do a before picture." I sat down, and he twirled my computer chair which was now in the middle of the kitchen so I was facing the counters. "Good, there, we have a nice solid background. Now, smile!" He held the camera up, and snapped a picture of me with a small, nervous grin. Sure, I trusted Brendon, but with my hair, and it being the New Years Eve, I knew the barber was closed, so I couldn't get my hair fixed if he messed it up. But, I guessed I could always wear a hat to the party, no one would think any different.

Brendon set the camera down and strolled back over to me, a comb and scissors in his hand. "Now, just a little..." I reminded him as I heard him hum, followed by a pull of my hair, and the snipping sound of the scissors. I tapped my feet along to the Frank Sinatra Christmas CD he demanded we played for the hair massacre. Trying to stay still, I sang 'Silver Bells' along with Brendon, smiling at his voice.

It was almost 8 o'clock, and we were supposed to be over at Jon's by 9. We decided to take a shower and everything before the hair cut, so Brendon could fix my hair, we'd change and be ready to go. So far, things were going as planned. I heard one loud snip, and Brendon coughed. "Ok, all done!" As he took the sheet off my shoulders and shook it on the floor. I glanced down at the floor, noting that there wasn't much hair, so he did actually listen to my request. "Now, go change so I have a half an hour to style."

Once I was changed, I walked back into the kitchen as he finished cleaning up the hair. He turned and quirked a brow at me, motioning me to turn around. I held out my arms stupidly as I did a 360 and he whistled. Shaking my head, I flipped him off, biting my lip. "Hot stuff, Doctor Ross!" Before I could retaliate, he was out the door and in the bedroom, hopefully changing.

Shouting through the door, he told me to meet him in the bathroom. I made my way in there, looking through his make up and hair kit. One night, he practiced make up on me. I had to admit, it was kind of fun, and extremely intimate. I enjoyed the way he licked his lips in concentration.

He fixed my hair, which I didn't even know I had the length, into a faux hawk. It felt weird when I normally struggled to keep it flat. I fidgeted, and he reminded me to leave it alone. We sounded like a bickering old couple. It felt nice so he snapped a quick picture, then one of the two of us together, grinning.

Getting our coats on and bundled up for the cold December weather. I held the screen door for him as he locked the main door and we made our way down the freshly shoveled sidewalk. I had scraped it earlier while he chatted on the phone with his mother, removing the inch of snow that had accumulated the past three days. Nearing the car, I noticed two neighbors out walking their dogs and I stiffened a little. Of course they had met Brendon, but never really saw the two of us dressed up and out together.

I gave Mrs. Cooley a small wave and smile while Brendon wished them both a Happy New Year. We were almost to Brendon's car and I blushed as he opened the door for me. I wouldn't really call this a date, we were just two friends going to the same place in the same car together, right?

Mrs. Bradley approached us before I was able to sit down. "Oh, Hello Brendon, Ryan." She looked like she was up to something considering she was the number one gossiper and nosey person on the block. "We were just talking about you two at the beauty parlor, saying what a handsome couple you make."

My mouth dried and I opened it to say something. Protest? Agree? Scream? But Brendon simply placed his hand on my back, ushering me into the car. "We think so too." He replied. I couldn't see, but heard the smirk in his voice.

The five minute ride to Jon's apartment was silent. I realized that when Brendon parked I had yet to breathe. Letting it out, he placed his hand on my knee. I turned to look at him, earning a smile. Next thing I knew, he was leaning towards me, pressing our lips together. Well, this wasn't exactly what I had expected for our first kiss, and he must have seen the confusion on my face when we separated.

He gave me a half smile, seriousness written all over his face. "I just didn't want our first kiss to be the one right at midnight." I looked down at his hand, lacing mine on top of his with a squeeze. "Cause you know, whatever Mrs. Bradley says has to be true. I mean..." Our eyes met. "If you want it to be true."

Looking away, I bit my lip, glancing at the clock. 9:08 That was my parent's wedding anniversary, September 8th. That had to be a sign, right? Meeting his eyes again, I nodded. "I do."

--

Of course at 12am on January 1st we did the stereotypical first kiss of the New Year. I was pretty sure Spencer and Haley missed theirs ("Oh my God! Our official first kiss as a married couple at midnight in 5...4...3...") since they were both gaping at us as we pulled away. I smiled at them, grabbing Brendon's hand in the process. They grinned back, and that was that.

A few days after meant that Brendon was back to class again. We went back to our normal routine: him sleeping at night, me during the day. Not much had changed. Sure, we'd kiss each other hello and goodbye and when we watched movies, we sat a lot closer on the couch. But, other then that, it was almost as though we still held the label of friends.

--

In the middle of February, Brendon came home on a Thursday night frustrated. It was close to his exam on shampooing hair and classes were canceled the next day because the flu had broken out over 75% of the school. What flu you ask? Oh, the one that I had, where I started vomiting at 11am and had been until he got home. He found me curled around a salad bowl in my bed, blankets covering me, and a fan directly on my face.

Asking me if I was ok, I gave him a groan and he stripped down to a t-shirt and boxers and climbed into bed behind me. He snuggled against me, somehow managing to rub my back. I sighed in appreciation as he kissed my neck. "Shit, Ry. You are burning up." I just nodded since I found out earlier that the bile from my stomach had done a number on my throat. Spencer called me about a half an hour ago and I couldn't speak. He suggested coming over with a box of saltines and some Gatorade, but I declined with a grumble since I knew Brendon would be home soon.

Brendon took the bowl I was hugging, placed it on the ground and removed the layers of bedding spread across me. I shivered from the lack of warmth and he asked. "Are you sick?" I nodded. "School's closed tomorrow 'cause of the flu, do you have it?" I nodded again.

"Not you?" I choked out, barely whispering. He placed a finger on my lips, silencing me.

"Shh." He kissed my forehead. "No, I got a flu shot when I went home for Thanksgiving. But obviously I can carry it. Babe, I'm so sorry..." I shrugged as he ran his hand down my side. Snuggling more into me, his fingers slid up and down my back easing all the tension and aches. He stayed in bed with me the rest of the weekend, only getting up to get himself food, to use the restroom, and answer the continuous phone calls from Spencer, Haley and Greta.

--

After that weekend, we began to sleep in the same bed, at the same time. I soon realized that writing in the twilight hours wasn't the only time I could actually write. Seems that Brendon was my muse, not the time of day. A local magazine seemed to think so too. I got my first short story published in years right before Brendon passed all his midterms. It was a big deal for him since he had come into the class late and had to play catch up.

So, for spring break, we spent a couple of days in Pittsburgh, going to matinees, having expensive dinners, and sleeping until noon.

--

3

Sun, 18 May 2008 19:50:20 GMT

Since he first trimmed my hair, Brendon did it every time after. He helped me style it and made it look good even though it was a longer cut. Somehow he talked my, well, our, friends into cutting their hair too. They told acquaintances who told acquaintances and slowly his clientele was blooming. So, his weekends and weeknights were being to fill up. Sometimes I would go with him if I knew the person, but other times I would stay home and write.

Along with short stories, I began to write poems and lyrics. The Huntington Paper picked up some of my work and featured them a few times a month. After Jon read my lyrics, he took them to the radio station with him, showing various band friends he had made. Two of my songs were actually being recorded.

With spring arriving, I was back into my routine of helping people in the community. Brendon and I rarely saw each other, except when we slept, and when he began to attend church with me on Sundays. In the end, it was still amazing to wake up and fall asleep in someone's arms; even if that was the only time we were together.

It was strange. Well, maybe not strange, but we kept our relationship pretty innocent. We were either too tired, too busy, or simply wanted to talk instead of do things. Of course Brendon was aware of my religious beliefs and that I was a virgin, and I knew that he was experienced. It wasn't that big of deal. I guess maybe it was for him ("Holy shit! You're a virgin?!?!?! But! You are way too hot, and that, that's like a waste of sexy body!") But, somehow we dealt, and it didn't come up that often, really. I assume we both just took longer showers. But neither of us ever questioned it.

One night near the end of April, he was stressing over a test he had the next day where he had to shampoo, condition and style a classmate's hair while being evaluated by his instructor. I offered to let him do the assignment to me and he agreed. We brought in a plastic chair from outside and I placed it in the bathtub, figuring that was the easiest and cleanest way to go. The shower had a detachable head from when my mother got sick, so she could bath herself; it almost worked out perfect.

We were both in just our boxers as he wet my hair, lathering it up with shampoo, rinsing and doing the same with the conditioner. He was supposed to leave it in for two minute, massaging it into my scalp. I had had a hard day over at Mr. Jackson's. Last year, a mole attacked his yard, so I spent six hours helping him tear up and reseed his lawn. My back ached and my shoulders hurt, so needless to say, the massage felt unbelievable.

I let my eyes slip closed, leaning back more into the chair, sinking further. I didn't even know he stopped until he cleared his throat. "Um, Ry?" He almost laughed. My mouth opened and a moan slipped out. Blushing, I opened my eyes, looking down to see my erection straining to come out the slit in my boxers. Clearing my throat, I sat up quickly.

"Su...su...sorry..."

Brendon practically pet my hair. "Ryan, it's nothing to be ashamed of..."

I gulped, blushing. "No, I mean, it's just..."

Letting go of my hair, he maneuvered his way around the bathtub, getting out and climbing back in, and stood in front of me, before dropping to his knees. He reached out and tilted my chin for me to look at him. "Ryan, I know you're not experienced, and I know this is new for you, and I know you are shy. But I also want you to know that this is..." He placed his hand over my erection, causing me to hiss from the pleasure. "Fine Ryan. It's natural, and, well, I have to say, I am completely flattered, and, well." He unwrapped my hand from the arm of the chair, and placed it on his boxers. My hand stilled over his erection. I had never touched another man like that, and it weirded me out more that I wasn't weirded out by it. It felt natural. It felt right. "I'm pretty much turned on by it too." Sending me a sincere smile, he let my hand go, only for me to run it along the waist of his shorts.

I looked up at him, my fingers slipping in between his skin and the elastic. "Can I?"

His mouth dropped as his body leaned more into my hand. "No." I pulled back instantly. "No, no. I mean, not, not here. And like...your hair." At that moment, I closed my eyes. Opening them, a mess of conditioner ventured its way past my lashes.

"Ooooh!" I gasped, waving my hand towards my eye. "It burns!" My face was scrunched up and weird noises were escaping my mouth and throat as Brendon jumped up, grabbing the water nozzle and tilting my head back, rushing water over my face and hair.

"Shit Ry..." I managed to hear him say through the water that flooded over my face. Soon my hair and eye were completely rinsed, and needless to say, neither of us was remotely turned on anymore.

--

Since cosmetology school was not completely the same as college, the academic year ran differently. It was a year round program, so unlike most kids, Brendon didn't get a summer break, he did though get three weeks off at the end of May during whichhhe assisted me with my weekly chores and errands. My 'customers' (as I called them) took a liking to Brendon. He would occupy them with various stories and sometimes even trim their hair while I did whatever task they needed for the day.

We were at Mrs. Thacker's house when she told us about a cabin her family owned in Gatlinburg. She explained how they would go down there each summer for a week in June and enjoy the peace and quiet of nature. Last year though, when her husband died, they canceled their annual trip, so the house had been closed up for over two years, but they still were planning on visiting in June. While I dusted her ceiling fans, I heard her clap, the sudden noise nearly knocking me off the stool I was on, but luckily Brendon was standing right next to me to balance me.

"Oh, I know! Would you boys be interested in going down this weekend or next to clean it up and get it ready? I will give you plenty of money for cleaning supplies, and there is a working washer and dryer, and of course I will pay for gas and your time." She looked at us pleadingly, and I glanced down at Brendon, shrugging.

"OH MY GOSH YES!!! WE WOULD LOVE TO!" Brendon let go of me and hugged Mrs. Thacker tightly. He jumped back and smiled. "I mean, if that's ok with you, Ryan?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, I think that would be ok, I've already submitted my stories for this month, so, why not, you know?"

Brendon literally squealed and made his way towards the door. I gave him a weird look. "What?" He grabbed for the knob. "I'm going to go pack!"

--

Surprisingly, the place wasn't that bad. They had boarded it up fairly well when they left the last time, and now, it was a just a matter of getting rid of cobwebs and dust. We decided to spend the first day there getting the inside immaculate, then the next morning work on the outside and have a day and a half to enjoy ourselves. Friday evening went smooth and quickly. We threw on some music, separated rooms and started cleaning! I actually loved to clean, normally I would have my iShuffle on, playing the country classics of George Strait, Randy Travis, Alan Jackson, the artists I grew up listening to, but lately, Brendon has gotten me into some R&B and even some pop-punk-rock. I figured making the other listen to our tastes was a fair trade.

After we cleaned the house, it was still light out, so we decided to start on the outside too. It looked like a storm had come through at some time or another. There were leaves and branches everywhere. Once I spotted the fire pit, I began to rake up the mess around the house in various piles while Brendon swept the porches and windows. We had all the windows open to air the place out (and probably ruin everything we had already dusted), and since we were the the only ones for miles, we still had our music blaring.

I shook my head at the cheesy pop music that came on and made my way around to the porch to see Brendon singing along, swaying his hips and dancing to 'Oops I Did It Again'. I held back my laugh the best I could and tried to be quiet, jumping over the porch and sneaking up behind him. By the time I reached him, he was dipping down, using the broom as a mic. Grabbing around his hips, he squealed and flailed, and I pressed myself up against him while he let the broom drop. When he turned around in my arms he had his hand over his heart and was breathing heavy. I only grinned, wiggled my brows and placed a kiss on his lips.

"Get back to work, Diva!" I winked, slapping his ass, then turned to jump back over the porch and finish up as the sun was setting.

--

We were both sore when we woke up the next day. I knew we would be; Brendon acted like he had never used half those muscles in his life. I laughed when he rolled over to kiss me good morning and mumbled 'ow, ow, ow.' the whole half turn over. "Aww, poor baby." I pouted to him, quickly shoving him on his back so I could properly kiss him. Once we broke apart, I was going to get up to make some breakfast, but he pulled me closer, telling me to sleep. Resting my head on his chest, I closed my eyes to the thud of his heartbeat, and I slept.

Waking up again, my stomach was growling, and I looked at the alarm clock; it read a little after noon. I groaned and slipped out of Brendon's hands. I really had to take a piss, and my stomach was pretty much eating itself. Wincing at the cold floor since we kept the windows open all night, I found a spot that was covered in sunshine and paused, looking out the window, basking in the warmth and enjoying the woods.

Now it was my turn to squeal when Brendon slid his arms around my waist. I was still groggy from sleep, so all I managed was a grumble as I leaned back into his warmth. "Morning Ry." I felt him smile against my ear. "Let's go get something to eat, it's getting hot out and I think the lake is calling our names."

I grinned, ready to turn in his arms, but once I did, he was gone, padding towards the bathroom. Letting out a deep breath, I went to pull the covers up on the bed, half-ass making it, then wondered over to the suitcase to get some clothes. Brendon was walking back through the hallway when he peeked in and stated. "Oh, there's no need for new clothes." He smiled, pushing off the door frame and towards the kitchen. I shrugged and followed his action of using the bathroom and meeting him in the kitchen.

We ate slowly, not really even talking, but listening to the birds, the light wind, and Mother Nature. When we were both full, I began to clean up our plates while Brendon went to grab some towels, saying we could wash them with the rest of the sheets when we are done using them. Speaking of sheets, I ventured into the laundry room, pulling out the wet bedding, smelling it, then throwing them back in the washer, adding another rinse cycle and some more fabric softener. It really wasn't a good idea to let them sit all night, but we both honestly forgot about it.

Letting the machine run its course, I walked through the house in search of Brendon. It was strange, normally he wasn't that quiet, but I shrugged it off until I heard a yelp from the porch. Running out there, I watched Brendon swing his arms around wildly, mumbling about a damn bee. I laughed, grabbing the broom, and swatting at it, knocking it dizzy so it flew away. "Thanks." Brendon muttered, laying the towels on the porch swing, and stripping off his boxers.

I blinked at him once, then twice and titled my head as I blatantly stared at his ass. Before I knew it, he had turned around, and I blushed, coughing a little.

"Come on! Last one there's a rotten egg!!!" He charged towards the water about 50 yards away. I was in no rush to run, enjoying the view of his bum descending into the lake. I giggled as I watched him run full fledge into the dock, jumping and tucking in his feet to do a pretty impressive cannon ball. It wasn't until he resurfaced that I yanked my shorts down and slowly strode down to the lake. He treaded water, watching me make my way to him. Sure, I could have ran and jumped in too, but the water looked cold, so I walked to the dock and sat down, letting my feet dip in.

The water was actually warm and I was about to slide in when Brendon came over and stretched my legs apart, resting his wet arms on them and head on my inner thigh. I reached down and smoothed his hair, feeling the sun beat down on me. I realized I hadn't applied any sunscreen, but then Brendon let out a breath right on my penis. I felt it twitch slightly, looking down at Brendon who was smiling up at me. "You know, you look really hot like this, it's not often that I get to see you naked." He winked.

"Whose fault is that?" I joked, then realizing it was pretty much both our faults. "Never mind." I mumbled, causing him to laugh and send more air to my package. I was amazed at how such little action could affect me so much. But Brendon didn't seem phased by it, he actually leaned forward and nuzzled his nose into me, I gasped, gripping the back of his neck, when I felt his tongue come in contact with my now hardening skin. "Bren..." I moaned releasing his hair at the nape of his neck.

He just looked up and smiled. "Come join me in the water." Raising a brow, he smirked. "I'll make it worth your while."

I laughed, shoving his head at the cheesiness, but enough that he could give me room to slip into the water. Once I was in to my shoulders, he forced us against the dock, pressing his own hardon flush against my thigh. Without thinking, I ground back against him, causing him to moan and bite my collar bone. I let my eyes slip closed, floating up a little on the water, pulling him with me so I could lay my head and arms along the dock for support. He followed my lead and soon attacked my now exposed neck again.

Slipping his arms around my waist, he slid his hands down to my bum, bringing our lowers halves closer together in a chorus of moans. I wanted to touch him, to feel his skin beneath the water, to run my fingers across every inch of him, but I knew if I let go, that we would sink. And with the way we were getting into this, breathing would be the last thing we would think of. Instead, I wrapped my leg around him, forcing our erections to meet with a wave of water.

The water made our movements smooth without much work as he began to kiss my exposed skin. It took everything in me not to let go and hold him. And I let out a frustrated noise when I tried to. He pulled back, his lips moist and red. My eyes crossed at the sight. "What?" Brendon asked, licking his lips.

I gulped. "I, I, I...I want to be able to touch you. But. I. Can't. Let. Go." I managed to get out as he continued to thrust his body against mine.

"Hmm." I was able to control his hips with my thighs around him as he thought. "Oh, here." He removed my arms from the dock and pulled us over to the iron ladder. Positioning himself against the rungs, I floated towards him reaching to grab a hold of the ladder and place my feet on the same step as him. "This is better." He smiled, rubbing himself on me so quickly I almost slipped off the algae filled step. "Here." He picked me up by the waist, placed my legs straight inside his as he spread his own so he could sit on a step and circle his shorter legs around mine. "Mmm, better." He grinned, nipping at my lower lip.

Letting go of the ladder, I tested our balance before I reached to grab his neck, pulling his lips to mine for a kiss. We still hadn't had much of a sexual relationship, but I knew I loved his lips more than anything in the world. I loved the way they tasted, moved, had the perfect weight, and most importantly fit with my own. As we kissed, our lower halves continued to work with each other. When I pulled back, he thrust forward so there was no nanosecond without touching and pressure. It felt amazing. So much different from my own hand fisting, but still had mostly the same effect. Sure, there wasn't something tight around me, but just the thought, ideas and feeling of his own erection against mine was enough for me to get off.

He leaned forward, three day old beard scratching against my neck, causing me to moan. It was so different from a girl. With Brendon, our chests were smashed together, not even enough room for water to slip through while our stomachs and hips worked a current of water adding to the pleasure. Pathetically, I knew I couldn't last long; it was all too much at once. Going from no touching, barely kissing, to this...

My head fell onto his shoulder and I bit down as he slipped his hands around my waist, resting on my bum, kneading the flesh. It was all so surreal and even more so when he let one hand go to snake between us and grab us both in his palm. Finding a permanent spot on his neck, I sucked and bit the skin while my hips thrust into him. The water was splashing all around us, wetting and cooling our hot skin from the sun heating down. "Ugh, Bren..." I nipped at his neck, my feet threatening to slip off the slick ladder as they shook with pleasure from the bottom up.

I clung to his shoulders, wrapping my arms around them for leverage and balance as his thumb swiped over the head of me cock, and right there, I lost it. With my eyes squeezed tightly shut, I turned my head, biting his hair, and maybe his ear, coming between us, legs numb and wobbly, chest heaving, stomach contracting and eyes rolled in the back of my head. I wasn't even aware if he came or not, but assumed so by his heavy breathing, and the fact that his arms were now both around my waist, tongue sliding in my mouth.

--

We were driving back home listening to the radio when Brendon reached over and turned it off. I looked at him weirdly since he was in the middle of singing his favorite Journey song. He ran his hand up my leg and out of the corner of my eye, I watched him turn towards me.

"Being Catholic is really important to you, isn't it?"

Sure, we had talked about our own religions whenever the topic came up, but mostly it was about the traditions and structure of it, not really the actual faith.

"Well, yea, it is."

"Ok." I heard him smile. He was about the reach back to the radio when he stopped. "Is it the morality, the beliefs, or the fact that you can step back in and everyone will accept you?"

I wrinkled my head for a moment, actually thinking about it. "I think all of the above."

"What about me, I mean, us though?"

Taking my eyes off the road for a moment, I stared at him. "What about you? Or us?"

I watched him shrug, then brought my attention back to driving. "Homosexuality isn't really a belief of Catholicism."

"Have you heard the lawsuits going on with priests?" I joked, but he didn't laugh so I continued. "No, but, uh, well, I mean, no it's not part of my religion, or any religion for that matter. But, neither is living with someone before you are married, or having sexual relations with them. Or birth control or lots of things."

"Do you regret it?"

The gas light flicked on, and I glanced up, seeing there was an exit 2 miles ahead. "Brendon, I don't regret one thing about you." He just nodded. I let out a laugh. "It's weird; I thought that I would die single. I mean, almost 27 with all my friends around me getting together with people, some of them having kids, I sort of thought that I was going to be single forever, like maybe that's what God's plan for me was."

"I guess, I mean, I don't really know what God has to do about it, you know?"

Exiting the highway, I signaled at the light, turning right towards the gas station. Once we pulled the pump, we both got out, stretching our legs and arms, making our way to the hose and filling the tank.

"I think He has a lot to do with it." I stated as I placed the nozzle in the tank and pressed the grade.

"Did you pray about it or something?"

I shrugged. "Kinda, I mean, I thought about it a lot. I thought about how lonely I was and how I wished I had someone to come home to or someone to talk to. You know…someone who I could tell everything to who wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with them."

Brendon nodded and chewed on his finger. "But when did you decide that that person was going to be male?"

I froze a little and looked up at him. "Honestly?" Brendon nodded, fiddling with the pocket of his jeans. "When I met you." His head shot up, and he gaped at me. I gave him a small smile. "It's true." I nodded; removing the gas hose and hanging it back up. We made our way back into the car.

We were on the interstate before I spoke again. "When my parents passed away, everyone in the community helped me out. Hell Spencer lived on my couch for a couple months. And, it's like they all felt sorry for me. Like, I wasn't capable of fixing my own dinner or cleaning my yard. And then, a while later, lots of people started setting me up with their nieces or granddaughters or coworkers or friends of the family, and it just got to be too much. I mean, I never clicked with any one of them like I did with you. And I would say over the course of 3 years, I probably went out with about, thirty different women." Brendon laughed. "No, it is funny, and it was crazy all the same. But, one day, people just stopped sending girls my way, or maybe they had run out, I don't know. But that was two years ago, and even before that, I felt it a little, but for sure once the dates stopped coming, I told myself that I would be single for the rest of my life.

"And the weird thing is I didn't even find men attractive." I reached over to pull his hand on my lap and give it a squeeze. "I mean, until I saw you in church, I still, you know, looked at female porn, and still pictured breasts when I got off you know?" Brendon squeezed my hand and giggled, but nodded none the less. "Then I met you, and it was like, everything was different. Like, my whole world flipped upside down, but yet fell in line all at the same time.

"It made me remember a conversation I overheard my parents having when I was seventeen. They were discussing the fact that I had so few friends, and that I never showed an interest in girls. My father said it was because I had such a strong faith, that maybe I would become a priest, and my mother wondered if maybe I was asexual or even homosexual. And I remembered my chest tightening, and the conversation ending. And, to this day, I don't know if they were ok with that or not at all."

"What do you think now?" Brendon brought our hands to his mouth and kissed the back of mine.

I gripped the steering wheel, half excited to read a sign that our town was 39 miles away. "I think that they are happy that I am happy, just like everyone else who cares about me."

"And are you happy?"

Smiling, I gripped Brendon's hand. "The happiest."

Brendon grinned from ear to ear and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Me too."

--

On July third, we found ourselves flying out to Brendon's parent’s house. It was the bicentennial or something of his town, so there was a huge fuss over it, with guaranteed parades and an awesome fireworks display, and I couldn't say no to a good firework show. When we were on the plane, Brendon acted really weird. We were about to land when he turned to me and told me that I was the first boyfriend he had actually bought home. Sure, his parents knew his sexual orientation but they figured if they didn't see it or mention it, it wasn't true. And he hadn't actually told them he was bringing someone home. Needless to say, I was put in a nice, awkward situation meeting his parents when we made it past security.

After Brendon got hugs from his family, I stood back, assuming they hadn't noticed me yet. That maybe I was just a creepy guy with a carry on, but then Brendon turned and reached for me. Giving him a small smile, Brendon turned to his parents, introducing me. Luckily it wasn't awkward. They seemed shocked, but accepting, and really, that's all I was looking for, and probably Brendon too.

The car ride was long since they lived far from the airport. Once we got to Brendon's home town, he began pointing out various buildings giving short stories of where he went to school, how he lost his first tooth at a baseball field, had swimming lessons and would sing every year for Christmas with the church choir. We had stopped at a red light, and Brendon leaned forward to tell his parents to drop us off at the small hotel on the next block.

Brendon's mom didn't like the idea of us staying elsewhere, saying their house was completely welcome to us. Brendon gave me a sideways glance then stated it wasn't necessary, that we were more than happy to not impose, reminding his parents there were going to be a lot of people at their house.

"It's ok, Ryan will sleep in your bed, and we can set up the cot in the attic, that's fine."

I held back a laugh when I saw Brendon's jaw drop. "Mom, I'm not Kevin from Home Alone. You are not sticking me in the attic, if Ryan stays in my bed, so will I."

Brendon's mom patted his head. "Oh, Sweetie, not under our roof."

Huffing, Brendon sat back in his seat, staring out the window. "Mom, unless you haven't noticed, I am an adult, and I am in an adult relationship. If you are going to regulate those rules, then I am going to stay at the hotel."

"That's not nece..." Brendon's mom started, but his father cut in.

"Brendon can sleep in his room on the cot while Ryan will have Brendon's bed. Claire." He looked over at his wife. "He's almost 25, and he knows better than to misbehave." I raised my brow, from what Brendon had said about his father, all I had to say was 'Score one for the old guy!'

--

I yawned, stretching in the soft bed I was laying on. I almost forgot where I was until I felt Brendon behind me. I had this thing of waking up with his hardon pressed into my bum. Normally, I spooned him, but somehow I was on the left side of the bed, and he was molded against me, breathing on my neck.

Smiling to myself, I heard a giggle. I knew it couldn't have come from Brendon, since his snores were shallow. Peeking an eye open, I came face to face with a dark haired freckled kid. I gasped, pulling back from how close he was. The kid turned and ran, slammed the door shut, yelling down the hall. "GRAMMMMMA! BRENDON'S SLEEPING WITH A BOOOOOOOOOOOY!"

This luckily woke Brendon up as the sound of footsteps made its way to the room we were in. Scrambling, he flung himself from my bed to the cot, tripping and landing face first, which was probably good, 'cause it hid his morning wood. There was a knock on the door, and I looked over to Brendon who let out a fake, tired. "Huh?" And the door opened, with Brendon's mother, sister and nephew peeking in.

I waved at them shyly, pulling my blankets up to my chin. It wasn't like anything had happened, or that I even remembered Brendon crawling into the bed with me. But, I was sure the both of us looked guilty. Brendon's sister's eyes narrowed at the two of us, before shee smirked, leading her son back into the kitchen.

"Breakfast is ready." His mom stated, then turned and left.

--

4

Sun, 18 May 2008 19:49:13 GMT

Brendon's town had pulled out all the stops. After breakfast, we were out and about at 9 am and the festivities lasted until after the fireworks that were to end at 11pm. I hadn't planned on such a long day with his family, but luckily his sister Gina had taken a liking to me, so we spent most of the time talking and making fun of the lame decorations.

I would have never known it, but Brendon was pretty popular. Everyone we passed said something to him, asked him what he was up to, or simply said hello. When I asked his sister about this, she just shrugged and said Brendon never knew a stranger. I couldn't help but smile. He really never ceased to amaze me. It was interesting to be on his turf, watching him interact with his family and friends. I almost, in a weird way, felt like a proud parent. He looked so happy, and when he talked, he always pulled me into the conversation and explained what was going on.

I had spent so much time entertaining him and introducing him at home, that I never knew he would be so good at it. Hell, he trumped me on that by far. I knew he was outgoing and could talk to a tree if it resembled a face, but here, he was over the top. But not in a bad way. He mingled and schmoozed various people while I stood back and watched. Brendon made himself the center of attention in every situation, but with grace and skill. Smiling at him, there was a moment when we were sitting at a picnic table eating our dinner of fried chicken, pasta salad, layered lettuce, watermelon and apple pie when I looked over at him, the sun was just setting behind him, casting almost a halo around his profile. He turned to me and smiled, his face simply glowed.

And my heart leapt in my throat.

--

The summer went fast. It was one of the hottest we had had since I was alive. I knew so from the meteorologists on the morning talk show as Brendon and I ate breakfast together, kissed goodbye and went our separate ways. We both left the house before 7am and wouldn't return until it was nearly dark. Brendon had to earn a certain amount of styling hours, and by his dedication and advancement in the class, he was looking to graduate with a license in December. We were both beyond excited for him, and on Sundays, after Mass, we would walk up and down the streets of town looking for buildings that were for lease, hoping maybe he could buy one, and open a salon.

Of course we talked about it a few times, saying that he already had a nice base here, that staying would just seem right. He came home one night in early August though with some paper work for a school in New York. The people, who were almost like scouts, came down to see him and how he worked. They were highly impressed with his ethic, styles, and vision and offered him a scholarship to the school beginning in January. He was hesitant to show his excitement, but I told him he should go for it. In the middle of our conversation though, Spencer called to announce that he was going to be a father, so things were pushed to the side.

Speaking of Spencer, each year, he and I would have a dual birthday party the last week of August. I opened the door, inviting him and his wife in, ushering them to the kitchen to help out with last minute food and drink prep. Haley grinned from ear to ear. "Spen, this is your first birthday with a bun in the oven!" Brendon and I made eye contact, rolling them in remembrance of last years 'first BLANK as a married couple' at least this one wouldn't last but a couple more months, but then, there was going to be the baby's first everything. Don't get me wrong, I was overly excited for them, but even so, it kinda got old, like, they could have this discussion on the car ride over.

It was late evening by the time the bulk of the guests had arrived. Spencer's and Haley's family were there, as well as their friend's and coworkers. Jon, Greta and Craig brought a few friends, and Brendon had invited some people from his school. Along with them were some people from church, and those who I helped out in the community. It was a nice size crowd, and luckily we bought enough cold cuts and cheese to fill everyone.

The later it got, the less people stayed, leaving us at the end with our small group of friends. I started to clear off the table when Brendon grabbed my arm, telling me to leave it and we walked over to where everyone sat on one borrowed picnic table. When I sat down, I leaned my head on Brendon's shoulder as he wrapped his arm securely around my waist.

"Well, that was a success!" Jon smiled with a Bud Light to his lips. Grinning back, I nodded to him as Craig brought me a drink. Thanking him, we all sat there in silence, a cold drink in our hands; well, Haley with a cold juice. I snuggled into Brendon more, letting my eyes slip closed for just a few minutes only to be woken up some time later, the backyard clean, and Brendon ushering me to bed.

--

It was a Sunday in mid-October and we were sitting tangled into each other on the couch. We had just eaten a fabulous meal of steak and asparagus, sweet potato and salad. "Mmm, what's for dessert?" I asked, running my hand along Brendon's stomach.

"Uh, I dunno, let me up, and I'll get the dishes done quick, and we can go for ice cream or something." I moved away from him, it was his week to do the dishes, I should offer to help, but he didn't help me, so you know. I laughed to myself as I followed him out the kitchen. It was a little past 5:30. We started a tradition not too long ago of eating an early dinner on Sundays, then laying in bed, doing whatever we felt like doing. And right then, ice cream sounded good in bed. "Oh SHIT!" I glanced up at Brendon in concern. "I had a book held at the book store and today is the last day of the 30% off sale. It closes in like, a half an hour." He turned and pouted to me. "Any way you can go pick it up, and like, maybe some ice cream too, I promise to have the place spic and span by the time you get back, and I will SO make it up to you!"

I shrugged, walking up to kiss him on the cheek. "Of course, pretty, anything for you." Winking, I was about to walk out of the kitchen. "Oh, but where's your wallet, I'm not paying."

"What a cheap ass!" He joked, wiping his hands on his pants to dry them and getting his wallet. By the time he retrieved it, I already pulled my shoes on and the car keys in my hand. "Cool, thanks Ry, like I said, it should be on hold."

I hummed to myself as I drove the ten minutes to the book store. When I went in, the place was almost deserted, and the girl was probably pissed that someone came in so close to closing. I smiled at her once I reached the counter, and she looked vaguely familiar, but it was a small town, even with the college, so I shrugged it off. "Yea, hi, I'm here to pick up a hold for Brendon Urie."

She grinned at him, slid off her stool, grabbed the book and slid it on the counter towards me. "Here." She smiled. "That will be $14.87 with the discount." I coughed slightly, reading the title. I could feel my face growing red as I pulled out a $20 from Brendon's wallet. She handed me back my change, and I shoved the $5 in the wallet, and the coins in my pocket. I had yet to give her eye contact again as I thanked her. I was about to leave the store, book secure in a brown non-see through bag, when she called out. "Oh, Ryan, Brendon wanted me to tell you he needed something picked up at the drugstore too!"

Nodding to let her know I heard her, my legs felt wobbly as I walked a block to the drugstore, making sure the book was concealed. Karma Sutra for Gay Men What was he thinking making me come get this? My thoughts were cleared when I walked up to the counter, trying not to blush, like this 15 year old kid had any clue what the contents of my bag were. "Um, yea, there is something here for Brendon Urie." The kid simply nodded, set a bottle of lube and some condoms on the counter and rung them up. Telling me my total, I looked elsewhere up at him, paid, and thanked him darting out the store.

I was going to kill Brendon when I got home. What the hell was he thinking? I was almost home when I remembered the ice cream. Not that he deserved it, but I already had the mind set that I wanted some. I pulled into the Kroger closest to our house and quickly walked inside. The girl at the floral counter stopped me. "Oh hey Ryan." She smiled, I remembered her from Brendon trimming her hair once.

"Oh, hey, um." I read her name tag. "Sara."

She pulled out a bouquet of a dozen red roses. "So, I was about to throw these out, if you wanted, you could take them with you, free of charge. It's really a waste to dispose of them, and my boyfriend is being a jerk right now, and you are the first familiar face I have seen..."

Actually, my boyfriend was being a real jerk right now too, I wanted to say, but I pulled a smile out of somewhere, thanked her, and took the flowers. I practically ran down the aisle to the ice cream, thinking of the strange chain of events until I found the homemade ice cream section. Picking out butter pecan for myself, I got another pint of rocky road fro Brendon. With the desserts in my basket, I made my way to the U-Scan and purchased my items, shoving them quickly into the bag and not even bothering on the receipt.

My mind was still turning over what in the hell Brendon was thinking. If this was some sort of joke, I really didn't get it. We had never used lube or condoms. Lotion seemed to have worked just fine when we were getting each other off. But this? Maybe there was a mistake; maybe the girl and boy who worked at the book and drug store were just playing a mean trick on me. Shit, what if I had picked up the wrong book? I checked the time on my watch; it was too late now to go back.

I was unlocking the door to my car when I heard someone call my name. "Ryan, oh hey!" Not again, I thought. Shifting to the left, I saw Brendon's friend Kayla coming towards me. "What a coincidence, I was just about to head over to your place!" I nodded at her, giving her a small smile. "Last week, I was in the store, checking out, and I realized I had left my wallet at home, and Brendon was right behind me, cause, well, we met at the produce, and just kinda followed the way through the store, you know?" I nodded again, pretty much used to her rambling. "Anyway! I was getting some fruit and chocolate, and Brendon actually bought it for me. And I promised I would pay him back, but he said to just get him the same thing sometime, and well, I had my wallet today, and I bought some items for him, and I was going to bring them over, but, here you are! So, if you could give them to Brendon, and tell him they are from me that would be great!"

She handed the bag over as I tried to juggle the one I already had in my hand, and the flowers. "Ooh, nice roses by the way, Brendon told me red ones are his favorite. Well, I gotta go, take care!" And with a small wave she was off. I sighed as I got in the car; this past hour has been completely surreal.

--

It was nearly dark and very windy when I pulled up to our house. All the lights were off, and it had started to rain. If our neighbor’s porch light wasn't on, I would have thought the electricity had gone out or something. Managing to grab all the bags, I walked up the sidewalk and inside. "Brendon..." I called out, slightly irritated. He definitely wasn't getting snuggles tonight. "Bren..." I called again while putting the ice cream in the freezer. I found a vase in the cabinet, filled it up with water, and placed the flowers in it. Next, I took all the stuff I had gathered on my mini adventure and shoved it into one bag. With the rustling done, the house was quiet, except for faint music coming from what seemed like the bedroom.

If he was in there asleep, he was never going to hear the end of it! With my hands full, I ventured to the bedroom, the door ajar, so I kicked it all the way open. A breath caught in my throat as I saw Brendon, naked, laying on the bed. The room was a dark shade of purple, Brendon having draped what looked like silk over the two bedside lamps. There was a sweet smell of lavender filtering through the room. My eyes met Brendon's as a smirk played across his lips, his fingers sliding down his naked chest. "Flowers for me? You shouldn't have!" With that, he stood up, almost floated over to me, taking the vase, setting it on the floor, then the bags, tossing them on the bed.

Once my hands were free, he grabbed them, placing them on his naked back, and pressed his lips to mine. All my anger, embarrassment and frustration melted away as soon as his lips and body touched mine. I could feel the heat radiating off his bare flesh, and it took everything in me to continue the kiss and not pull back and strip off my clothes too. Completing the kiss, he practically read my mind, working the zipper of my hoodie, shaking it off, then pulling my shirt over my head. Brendon took advantage of my bare skin, sucking and licking my collar bone, chest, and then my nipples.

My hands tangled in his hair, gripping hard to pull him back up to my lips. Our tongues met in his mouth where he allowed me to win the dominance battle, simply surrendering to mine fucking his mouth. Something pooled in the bottom of my stomach. There was this need and want that I had never felt before. Running my hands down his back to his bum, I got a handful of his ass, squeezing it, and bringing our lower halves closer. A moan escaped his open mouth as I rubbed his erection hard against my denim jeans. I had to close my eyes and lean my head on his shoulder just to stabilize myself. But as soon as my head hit his hot skin, I turned to fire.

I felt his hands on my waist, fingers digging into my hips, signifying that he wanted this too. Well, of course he wanted this but I meant, like this...like, what I bought that shit fo... I pulled back. "All that." I pointed to the bed. "Those things..." A grin spread across his face as he nodded. "But you could have just like, got them yourself or something."

"Well, I heard makeup sex is the best."

Slapping him playfully upside the head, I narrowed my eyes. "Make up sex compared to what sex Brendon? You are just too much of a chicken shit to buy that stuff yourself." I joked, and he nodded in agreement. "And dude, you're more flamin' than me! It would have made a lot more sense!" With that, he picked me up by the armpits and threw me on the bed. I squeaked, almost out of breath. Shit, I knew he was strong, but where did that come from? I had no more time to think as he jumped on top of me, rubbing and grinding himself, mouth attaching my neck, working the button of my jeans.

I simply laid back and let him take advantage of me, for once shutting off my mind. After he removed my pants and briefs, he slid back up my body, fitting perfectly against it. He began to kiss my neck again, my cold fingers slowly warming up on his spine and shoulder blades. I let out a low moan, turning my head to the side, giving him more access and staring at the lamp. I laughed a little and he pulled back. "Bren." I huffed out a laugh. "What's with the mood lighting?"

He shrugged, half smile pulling from his lips. "I figured, first time, you know, not really that romantic with all the technicalities and what not, so there had to be some mood setting involved or something..." By the time he was finished, I was biting my left nail. He grabbed my hand, kissing it. "Ryan, we don't have to if you don't want to, you know that, I don't want to pressure you into anything you don't want to do."

I shook my head. "No, no. I've wanted nothing more, like, ever..." The last bit was a whisper, but with Brendon so close, his entire body touching me, and the fact that he was looking directly at me, I knew he heard me.

"Good." He smiled. "And, like, like I said, it doesn't have to be perfect, and it's probably not going to be perfect, it's our first time together, and well, your first time ever." I rolled my eyes. "Ok, I know I don't need to remind you, but even so, I know that like, it may not be the best, but I know that it's with you, so, it already is the most amazing thing in the world, you know?" I nodded, my cock twitching slightly at the words. He smiled back, like he felt it. Or maybe he felt it too. "So, no pressure. I just want you to, well." He laughed. "Do it and learn and you know, hopefully we can both get off in the process, and then we can spend the rest of our lives perfecting it."

I was grinning back up at him, my fingers tangled in the back of his hair. Meeting him halfway for a kiss, I smiled again. "I like the sound of that." I murmured against his lips.

Pulling back with a grin, he reached down with his left hand to still my hips, that I didn't even know were moving, it was just something I was accustomed too with him on top of me, or vice versa. "Ok, well, you are definitely going to have to stop that or we won't get far enough for the whole sex bit." He grinned, but I blushed at him. "Hey, hey, none of that. This, this is something special, something between you and I and only us, so, it's ok Ryan, it's just me, ok. And I would never hurt you or make you do anything you don't want to, you know that right?" I nodded, my hand brushing up and down the back of his neck. "Good, because I have thought about this since the summer, and I pretty much planned all this out, and if you don't think you are ready, please let me know. I won't be hurt or upset, you just have to let me know." I shook my head violently, showing him that I was totally up for this. He bent down, pecking my lips and smiling. "Good, cause I want to feel you inside me." Brendon all but moaned, like he had been waiting his whole life to say those words. And, maybe he had, and maybe a little bit of me had too.

"How, how..." I let go of his hair, to gesture between us.

Brendon nodded, showing he understood what I was asking. "I was thinking, that, like, well, doggie style?" He quirked and I nodded in approval. "I mean, it will be easier on the both of us, and like, just to do the logistics of it and all..."

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's like we are wallpapering the walls or something."

"Or at least caulking them." He joked, earning a playful tug of hair from me. "No, but, in a way, I guess it is. Unless, you expect your first time to be this amazing, wonderful, blissful, candles and chocolate, angels singing and rose petals things, then yea..."

I shook my head. "With you Bren, it already is all of those things." I knew it was probably the cheesiest thing that had ever escaped my lips, but I really meant it. And for some reason, I felt I had to say that too. "I mean it." With that, I brought his lips to mine again and he moved to straddle my waist more, kicking the plastic bags on the bed in the process, bringing us both back to reality.

He sat up, practically bringing me with him. When he turned his head to look at the noise, I departed from his lips, and fell back onto the bed with a soft thud. I watched him, propping myself up on my elbows as he sifted through the bag, nodding and making noises of approval at the contents. "Ooh, nice, so Kayla made it? Cool!" He held a carton of strawberries and a bottle of chocolate syrup.

"What? You planned that?" Brendon only laughed and shrugged. "Wait? Wait...like, all of that?"

A mischievous grin spread across his mouth. "Yea, well, if you're gonna go, go all out!" He cheesed at me. "But the roses, so not my doing, nice touch by the way." He winked as I reached out and pinched his nipple. "OW!" Massaging his chest, he laughed. "That was like two weeks worth of planning I did for us there, so, be excited!"

"Be embarrassed is more like it..." I muttered.

"Aww, did I embarrass my poor Ryry?" He joked, pouting at me, but reaching down to grip my erection in the process. Huh, I didn't even know that was still there. "You think Lil Ryry can get over it and let me make it up to him?" Letting out a long sigh, I shrugged as he began to stroke me while keeping eye contact. After a few up and down motions, I surrendered and nodded quickly. He smiled, let go of me, and patted my thigh. "Good. Let me go put this in the fridge, for desert." He clarified. "And I'll be right back, and we can get to business!"

I couldn't help but laugh at the structure of it all. I watched him get up, naked body stretching over me to retrieve the items and make his way out the bedroom. Eyeing his retreating back, I moaned, touching myself. "Fuck I love your ass..." I thought. But Brendon looked over his shoulder, smirking at me, shaking his bum in a weird dance. "Did I, uh, say that out loud." I blushed.

"Oh yea you did!" He smirked. "Don't worry, once I'm back." He ran the chocolate bottle across his bum. "This ass is all yours!" He winked, leaving the room.

--

We were both on our knees, and my fingers were a mess of lube. I probably used too much, but, I read it hurt (of course it hurt, let's do the math), and I didn't want to hurt him. Touching him tentatively, I circled his hole, watching it contract with even the slightest touch. "Ry." He looked over his shoulder from where his elbows were pressed into the pillows. "It's ok. I've been practicing."

"Practicing?"

"Yea, well, you know, since I've planned this, I've been stretching myself in the shower."

I raised a brow out him. "Is that why you've taken up to two a day?" He nodded sheepishly. "And why we've run out of conditioner so quickly?" His shoulder tensed, but again he nodded. I slapped his left cheek. "Bren, that shit's expensive!"

"I know." He sighed in defeat, but pressed his bum into my hand. "But, it's worth it right?"

Looking down at his ass, rotating in front of me, I laughed. "Yea, yea, ok..." I tossed the lube to my right, going back to touching Brendon. "Um, so, how do I, like..." Without turning around, he felt around for the lube. I heard him pop the cap, and squirt some into his hand. Next thing I knew, there were fingers coming from under him, one slipping into him. I'll be honest. I moaned at the sight, watching a finger glide in and out while his lower half rocked with it.

"Like this..." He groaned, slipping another finger in.

It was all too much for me as my hand found its way to my cock, yanking it and pressing the head next to Brendon's fingers; his knuckles brushing against it. "Mmmm, mmm, mkay. I, I, I see, you gotta. Bren, I wanna. Please stop, my turn." I stumbled out, batting his fingers away. A moan escaped his lips once he removed his fingers, but I didn't give him enough time to adjust before I slid two in, without warning. Brendon's head fell on his forearms, pushing his bum back towards me.

The words and sounds that left his mouth were like Heaven to me. I guessed that's what he meant by angels singing. But I wasn't going to tell him that, instead, I let my fingers explore his tight hole, curling every once and a while, twisting them together. "Mmm, mmore, Ry, please!" He all but begged so I pulled my fingers out, and slid three in, with little restraint wasting no time to start a rhythm. By now, Brendon's back and knees were shaking, trembling, and more pleas and 'fucks' were playing off his lips so somehow, I managed to grab a condom, and tear it open. Wow, that was easy, they made those extremely accessible. I shrugged, filing it in the back of my mind, to maybe write them a 'Thank You' note one day.

With the condom on, I ran my free hand down Brendon's back, smiling as I watched him curl and arch at the touch. "You ready?" I mumbled, pressing my chest against his back. His head jerked and nodded, a spill of curses escaping his lips. "Such a dirty mouth." I teased, licking his ear.

He only ground his ass back into me, my fingers, gasping. "Fuck, fuck, fuck me fuck already!"

Giggling, I straightened back up, grabbing the lube, and slicking up my covered erection. I hissed, from the pleasure and cool substance, running my hand loosely up and down my shaft, and palming my tip before wiping the excess on the back of my thigh. Pulling my fingers out and earning a groan from Brendon, I swallowed, thinking 'This is it' then positioned myself closer to Brendon, my head pressing against his hole.

I'm not going to lie. It was a tight fit. And if I hadn't felt like I was hurting him, I would have gotten inside sooner, but I moved slowly, scared. Wanting nothing more than to make this pleasurable for him and me. After what seemed like hours, a lot of encouraging (and winces) from Brendon, my thighs were finally flush against the back of his. I did it! I was inside him, fully, completely.

My thoughts were shaken by Brendon thrusting back against me. "Ry." He coughed. "Fuck, stop, stop congratulating yourself, and fucking." He groaned, pressing back HARD. "Move already dammit!" He squeezed down against on me. Forcing the first sounds out of my mouth, a low moan that rippled from my stomach all the way up my chest, and puttered out of my mouth. So this was it, I thought, my hands finding a place to balance Brendon, to keep him upright. "Ry, I swear if you don't stop thinking and start fucking, I am going to turn us over and fuck you myself!" He hammered out, low and demanding.

Hmm, that sounded, actually, pretty... Brendon forced his body back, almost making me loose my foot. I gasped, my fingers now digging into his hipbones. "Ok, ok..." I mumbled, sliding my cock out halfway and forcing it back in. It was a lot easier this time. And actually got easier the more I did it. Soon, a pace was set. And I was actually having sex. I was actually fucking someone. Brendon. My Brendon. And it was amazing!

--

OK, so maybe it wasn't perfect. He came too quickly, still letting me finish inside him, but I had to hold him up in the process, but even so, it surpassed the nightmares and scenarios I had of my first time. It was good though, and now, with him wrapped in my arms, I tried to stop myself from giggling, feeling slightly giddy. Brendon nuzzled his nose into my neck, sighing contently, mumbling 'what?' into my skin.

"Nothing." I started, still trying to hold back a laugh. "It's just, you know, like, you work up to this, and then, you have like ten minutes of grunting and moaning and the bed squeaking, and then, it's all over, but like, I can still hear it in my head, you know, like, I can still hear us, and it's kinda funny and surreal at the same time."

I felt a huff of laughter on my neck, followed by his lips. He tightened his hands around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "You're a dork." Brendon joked. "The dorkiest person I know."

Nodding to him, I laughed too. "I know, but, it's true, if you think about."

"Yea, I guess it is." He made a trail of kisses from my neck to my mouth, kicking his leg out to lie on top of me. "So, do you know what today is?"

"Uh, the day I lost my virginity?" I joked, not sure where he was going with this.

He laughed, shaking his head. "No, it's the second Sunday of October." Raising his brow at me, he placed a kiss on my lips. "It's been a year since we met."

My mouth dropped at the realization. "Wow, it has hasn't it?"

Brendon nodded. "It's been the best year of my life too." Pressing his lips back to mine again, this time, our tongues met in the middle, neither giving up the lead, but just lapping and licking in between us.

Pulling back, I smirked at him. "It's not been my best." He gaped at me. "No, I'm shooting for 2023."

Shaking his head, he mumbled into my cheek. "Well, I hope you have a real hottie!"

"Oh, I will. He's short, dark and handsome. With a rocking hot ass!" I giggled, grabbing his bum, and kneading my hands in the flesh.

He smirked at me, running his fingers through my hair. "Well, he's a lucky, lucky man."

--

Brendon's acceptance letter to the school in New York sat on the kitchen island. Nether one of us mentioned it or talked about it. His instructor took it upon herself to fill out the paper work for Brendon without his consent. I wasn't sure how he felt about that violation, mainly because, well, we didn't talk about it. He graduated in three days, six before Christmas. I sat at the front window, looking out at the freshly fallen snow, breathing into the glass, and tracing a circle with an 'x' over it. For some reason I found myself doodling that recently. I had no clue what it meant, and even spent hours online researching it instead of writing.

Wiping off the fog and drawings, I smiled as I saw Brendon shivering up the walk. I was at the door when he got there, opening it, and pressing a kiss to his lips. "Here. Let's get you out of these clothes, and get you warm!"

He shook his head. "No, how about you get into some warmer clothes and come with me, I have something to show you."

I stared at him quizzically then placed my hand on my hips. "But I made hoagies for dinner and hot chocolate too."

Walking forward, he threw his arms around me, giving me an Eskimo kiss. "Well, go get some clothes on, and I'll pack it up, we can have a picnic."

"Brendon, it's below freezing out there!"

"I know Ryan, I just came in from out there, it will be worth it, I promise, and we don't have to walk, we can drive, although, it's only like a five minute walk. It might even take..." I shut him up with a kiss, tugging him closer by his scarf around his neck. Letting go, I winked at him, then strolled into the bedroom to find some pants and probably some boots.

By the time I had about five layers of clothes on, I tightened the hood of my hoodie, making sure no air can get in. I felt like the boy from Christmas Story minus the Red Rider BB-Gun of course. Brendon did as I asked, gripping my grandmother's picnic basket, handing me a thermos making our way out the door. The snow had let up, but it was still very cold. With the sun setting, there was an eerie blue tint reflecting off the covered grass and roadways.

We held hands as we entered town, only being a few blocks from my house. I was wearing fingered gloves and he had on mittens that Mrs. O'Conner had knitted him when he cleaned out her garage. Brendon squeezed my hand and almost started skipping as we neared the block of store fronts. I smiled and waved to Eric who worked at the bakery on the left while he stood outside in a t-shirt sweeping off the snow. I asked him how his mom was doing, but didn't get an answer in time for Brendon pulling me towards a vacant store in between the jail and the dry cleaners.

"Brendon, what's the?" I heard jingling and stood on my tippy toes to see over Brendon's shoulder. With a twist of the wrist, a loud shake, and a kick, the door swung open and he turned to me, grinning.

"Come in..." He gestured, practically shoving me inside, since I was in complete shock.

"Bren, wha?" I remembered going here as a kid with my mother. She would spend hours talking and gossiping while I played with Lincoln Logs in the corner. I walked over there, kneeling down on the checkered carpet. My fingers reached out to the gashes and bumps and scribbles on the wall. Laughing, I called Brendon over, showing him the first three and a half letters of my name, written in orange crayon. My mom caught me in the middle and for a four year old, it still looked pretty good hand writing.

Standing up, I dusted off my knees, peering at all the frames on the wall. The lady who owned this place died in a car accident when I was 15. After that, the place became deserted and was up for rent and it has been vacant since. I smacked a chair, letting the dust fly off it, before sitting down in it, spinning around a few times until Brendon stopped me. I could barely make out his features in the grimy mirror, but I could see a smile in his reflection.

"I was late today, because I was at the bank, getting a loan." I spun around in my chair too face him. Titling my head for him to continue, he shrugged. "Well, how else would I pay for this place?" My mouth opened and closed like a fish. "I talked to the owner of the building, and he said that I could have it for real cheap, like, $400 a month. And, he said if we cleaned up the upstairs, we could turn it into an apartment and rent it out to college kids, and he wouldn't care if we charged them the same amount for rent, he was just glad to get the store up and running."

"Bren..."

He pulled me up, and ushered me to a room in the corner. "And look, I thought we could but a desk in here, like, for my finances and stuff, but, you could definitely set up your computer and write in here." He kicked a bench that lined the wall. "See, if we reupholster this or something, then you can lounge here, or there is room for a desk and a couch, and you can be comfy. And, come on..." We walked into the back room. "There is a nice size bathroom, and we can have a fridge, and maybe even a stove for like, baking for the customers." Making our way back to main room, he removed his mitten, and my glove, grasping my hand. "And I was talking to the lady I shadowed a couple of times, and she is getting new chairs next month, and said I could have her old ones for real cheap. I mean, to begin with, I don't really need anything fancy, just a place where the people can sit, you know?" I nodded, still dumbfounded. "I was thinking it would be just me to begin with, like, space out the cuts until I make enough money, then maybe hire a shampoo boy or girl, and eventually have other stylist, but that won't be for another few years..."

I gulped, feeling him stare at me, while trying to take in my surroundings. "I know it will take a lot of work, Ryan, but I've talked to some people from church, like Dave, he's an electrician, and Mr. Haven's a carpenter, and they told me they know places where I can get things for cheap, and said if I would occupy their wives a few hours a week, they wouldn't mind chipping in a hand or two. Ry..." He took off both of our other gloves, holding our hands between us, he whispered. "Ry, you're quiet, say something."

Looking everywhere but his eyes, because I knew mine were clouded with tears. It must have been the dust or something. "Bren, I..."

"Do you like it?"

A million answers came to my mind, but the only one that spilled out was: "I fucking love you." I gasped and covered my mouth, not only because of my language, which I rarely used unless I was highly pissed or about to get off, but because of what I said.

Now it was Brendon's turn for silence. "Ry, I..."

"No." I shook my head. "I love it, Brendon, it's great, I love it!" I wasn't sure how I managed to get that out without biting my tongue.

Brendon's hands were now running through my hair. "No, it's ok Babe, it's ok, I love you too."

Our eyes finally met, and this time, I didn't fight back the tears fleeing down my face. "I love you too." I echoed, pulling him into a kiss. There we stood in the middle of a dark store, Brendon's store, the only light that of the streetlamp outside. The snow had picked up again, sparkling and creating whimsical shadows across our bodies, but we didn't even notice, all we saw was each other. And our future.

Epilogue

The second Sunday in October 2023.

I stretched, knowing Mass started in a few hours, and rested back into the sheets, letting Brendon curl up more, his nose buried in my neck. My fingers traced circles in his back, a continuous loop of two, the universal sign of infinity. Brendon groaned, and scooted closer to me as I tried to slowly ease myself out of bed. "on't go. Im comfy." I laughed, his breath tickling my neck.

"Bren, we have to get up and get ready. Come on." Shaking him, he only nuzzled further.

"Mmm, no..."

Poking his side, I wasn't about to give up. "Brendon...I doubt Jon will be very happy if the Godfather of his new son isn't even there for the baptism..."

"Five more minutes, just five." I knew he was tired last night, giving everyone last minute trims and styles for the occasion, but I too was up most of the night writing his speech for his toast at the party afterwards.

I sighed in defeat. "Ok, five." Rubbing his back, I smirked. "But, we will have to bathe together to make up the time."

His head popped up, wide awake. "Can we make out to pass the time?"

I laughed. "Brendon, I thought you were sleeping."

"Not if I get to feel you up!"

"Bren! We have church in like two hours. That should be like a sin or something!"

He only shrugged, threw the blanket over his head, and moved down my body. I barely got a gasp out before he was licking his way past my belly button and further south. I didn't even know I was remotely hard until he placed his mouth around me, sucking about an inch in. With a 'pop' he pulled back, flipping the blankets off us completely. "So, how's the year for you so far?"

I groaned. "Bren, what?" I snapped, frustrated.

"2023? You said it would be your best year ever..." He winked, then wiggled his brow.

"Shit, you don't forget a damn thing to you?" He shook his head smirking. "Well, I know what will make it even better." I pulled my knees up, pinning him between my legs, shoving his head down. "And hurry up, or I won't have time to return the favor in the shower."

Life Goes On

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:14:47 GMT

Title:Life goes on
Author: howido_fics
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon (POV)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A day in the life of a sweet ass couple. WIth wet dreams, shower steam, hot pink accessories, swim trunks, carrots, and kisses to make the pain go away. 5600+ words
Disclaimer: This is not real. Sex is though, wear protection!

'I don't have any more Oreos, she ate them all.' I pointed towards the direction where she stood, only to find a coat rack to be standing there. A coat rack that held a lime green mink coat, and a purple hoodie. Squinting at it, Gabe Soparto stood, wearing goofy Justin Timberlake circa Gnarles Barkley video glasses, and gold mic in his hand.

I walked over to him, tripping over a pile of socks and reached for his mic, only for it to turn into marbles, which CRASHED against the floor.

Shocked, I looked back up at Ga... the Screamer from a Van Gogh painting. I waved at the guy, as he just stood there, his mouth open staring at me. I watched his mouth as he lowed to my, WHAT? naked body and began licking me all over.

"Ooooh, Clark...." I mumbled as Superman, no Clark Kent (he was def wearing glasses) began sucking me off.

Then, underneath me, the ground started shaking and....

My eyes flew open to see Ryan grinning up at me, my cock in his mouth. I gasped, and threw my head back lifting my hips only to fall back onto the bed.

This was something Ryan rarely did.

Sure, we had sex ~~a lot~~, but he was more the, you know, having sex than actually sucking one another off type.

Me, on the other hand, if he didn't want me to fuck him, I was more than happy with going down on him until he came.

I liked the pull of his hands in my hair, and the thrusting of his hips to force him further in my mouth (down my throat), but Ryan, well, he didn't.

It's not so much that he didn't, but more so that he just preferred it the other way around.

I had to still myself, knowing if I got to carried away, he would simply remove his mouth and move on, leaving me hard. It's happened before.

I managed to reach down and grip his biceps since he was laid out before me in almost a push-up position. His palms were flat on the bed, elbows bent at a 90 degree angle causing a flat line of his upper arms, shoulders and back.

What a fucking show off.

His eyes though (when I lifted my head instead of my lower half) were straight on mine.

We held eye contact as I reached around for a few pillows to help the neck strain. Once I was settled, he continued to stare, taking me in his mouth as far as he could.

He didn't make a sound, but I could see his eyes watering as my erection disappeared. His nostrils flared when I hit the back of his throat, but again, no noise.

Well, not from him...I sounded like a fucking cat in heat...

With a quick nudge of his left shoulder, I got the hint and ran my hand up his arm, across his neck and to his hair. He practically curled into the movement, pulling off me slightly to nuzzle against my fist full of hair and then move back down.

Raising my brow at the reaction, I took my other hand and pulled the same on the opposite side. Wanting more, but afraid to risk it, I yanked on his hair, bringing him with me scooting further up the bed.

He followed with little restraint, giving me the perfect view of his back down to his ass, and his thin hips thrusting into the bed.

It wasn't until this position that I noticed the red tube in his left hand. I smiled, seeing his index, middle and ring finger wet and glistening with lube, knowing he had prepared himself.

He watched my eyes, a smirk playing across his lips knowing that I noticed.

And the game was on.

He pulled off me, licking once more from base to tip before getting on his knees. Taking in his naked body, I let out a deep breath while he poured a fair amount of lube in his hand, squeezing until a loud 'fart' sound came out.

Tossing it over his shoulder, he smiled. "Put that on the grocery list." And grinned at me as he took my cock, coating it along with his spit. Nodding in agreement, I pressed my hips into his hand only for him to force them back down with a heavy stroke.

"You know, I forgot what a sound sleeper you are." He smirked, letting go of me to reach his hand between his legs, instantly making three fingers disappear inside him. "I laid here moaning for about ten minutes, and I was tempted to get myself off." His mouth fell open as the muscles in his arms flexed. "And, who's Clark?" He laughed lazily, removing his wet fingers.

I shrugged, grabbing his ass to pull him closer to me with a smile. In no time, he sank down on my cock, spreading his legs out beside me. His knees dug into the bed, forcing them to press into my hips, locking me in place.

Not that I wanted to move anyway.

He smirked down at me, still as could be, then placed his palms on my chest and lifted up slightly. Tearing at his lip with his teeth, he moved back down.

I loved it when he rode me. It was almost as though this was how our bodies were meant to work together, my short torso making up for his inhumanely longer one. He was practically sitting on my belly button, giving me complete access to his body with little effort.

I grabbed at his hips, trying to make some sort of movement. He just grinned down at me and shook his head. Letting his head fall back and a low moan escape his lips, he worked his muscles around my cock, squeezing and constricting, trying to get me deeper with no external movement.

And, it was working.

My hands clung to his hips, keeping him there as he continued to flex around me. Almost as though he was trying to get me as turned on as him, like him sucking on my cock didn't...

Once he started to slowly move his hips forward and back, rocking gently, my eyes were distracted with his erection doing the same. Trailing my hands along his hipbones and my eyes along his body, I thumbed the skin around the base of his cock at his balls, pads of my thumbs digging into the coarse hair. My eyes fell lower while he ground down on a backward motion. A glimpse of my wet cock appeared between our bodies, then he moved towards me again, causing it to disappear.

I let out a loud groan and forced my hips up, setting Ryan off balance for a second. He grabbed at my shoulders to balance himself. I pouted apologetically only for him to grin and quicken his movements.

At this rate, I wasn't going to last long at all.

My ears were filled with the lovely sound of his skin connecting with mine, and the soft thud of his cock against his lower stomach. Again, I was distracted, reaching out, I took his erection in my hand, wrapping my fingers around the base while my thumb crept to his balls, sliding between the tight skin, and down to my own cock.

Brushing my thumb across my base quickly, my eyes slipped close from the familiar feeling, and I moved my hand back up to his cock, but not before toying and cupping and tugging at his testicles.

That's something I rarely got to do when I was on top. With my short arms, I could barely reach anywhere, but I know when we would start to get turned on and doing a little foreplay, he loved when I cupped him. When I pulled at his balls, palming them, forcing his erection to slid across his lower abdomen, smearing the precome.

This time was no different. Instead of falling back though, he fell forward, his face a mere foot from my chest as my fingers massaged him, rolled him in my hand like those chinese torture balls or something.

He lifted up out of my rasp and slammed back down, his cock slapping in my my empty hand from the force. Reaching for it before it found it's rhythm back with his movements, I pulled it towards me, thumbing the tip as my hand gripped the base hard, tugging upward. Ryan let out a quick breath, falling back onto my cock again and repeating that motion over and over.

My attention went back to his cock. With my fingers holding it in place, I thumbed every inch I could, following the vein that curled up to his tip. Pressing firmly against it, his pulse went through me, stimulating my fingers to match the beat, and stroke him in time with it.

He caught on, trying to keep up, but I could tell he was getting to tired. There was too much strain on his body to continue.

I gripped the base of his cock, stopping him from getting to close and he let out a hiss. "Bren..." he warned as our eyes connected. I smirked at him as he shook his head. "Fuck..." He clenched harder around me, causing me to squeal and press my hips up. "We...." He swallowed, my eyes watching his Adam's apple bob and fall back into place. My free hand reached up to touch it, feeling the vibrations as he spoke again. "We have to..." He groaned as I took his tip between my thumb and index finger. "Fuck Bren, we have." He tried to breath. "...in less than an hour." I swiped some precome, bringing it to my mouth. His eyes grew huge and with one breath he spilled out. "yourneicewillbeoverin45minutesandwehavetobeshoweredanddressed."

As if that took everything out of him, he fell forward, almost collapsing, but somehow managing to land on his forearms. Again...showoff.

I smirked at him, grabbing his hips trying to sit up. He followed with me as I mumbled. "Up. Up." And he pulled off my cock with a whimper, hovering over me, then letting his legs curl in with mine.

Our mouths met for the first time of the morning. Immediately the battle began. And, well, my tongue won, but so did his hips. I knew in a matter of minutes, I could get off just like this, but I didn't want to.

"Ry...up...shower...in. the. shower." I managed to get out as we both stopped all movements. Within seconds we were up, grabbing ourselves and running to the bathroom. I turned on the water and was about to step in when it was freezing cold. "Nononononononono." I all but moaned, throwing a mini temper tantrum.

Ryan grabbed me, pushing me out of the way to mess with the water. It was on hot full blast and still freezing. He grabbed his hair out of frustration and groaned. "Fuck! I don't care Bren, just fucking fuck me!" He growled.

Squeaking, I turned him around as he gripped the bathroom sink. Looking down my cock was almost dry from being in the open air and I whimpered. Ryan glanced at me through the mirror. "Fuck, Bren." He stamped his feet, pressing his ass into me. "Fuck already..." I twisted my lips at him, and he turned around, eying my cock. Rolling his eyes, he spit into his hand and stroked me a few times before shoving me lightly and letting out a frustrated groan.

Well, that worked.

"BRENDON!" His eyes met mine again through the reflection of the mirror and I was brought back to his attention.

Gripping myself, I lined up and pushed in. Not knowing my own force, we both fell forward into the counter. I dared to look up and Ryan's eyes squinted at mine in anger. Gulping, I felt/watched him push back, bracing his arms against the sink again. I reached around and grabbed his hips, finally taking control of my thrusts.

Our eyes stayed connected as I let go of one hip to stroke his cock. His mouth fell open, but no sound came out when I pressed my body flush against his, my lower half doing all the work. I could see the strain in his arms as he held the two of us up, but it didn't stop him from enjoying it. A flush covered his body while little noises escaped his open mouth.

Almost as though he was shaking his head out of a trance, he began to thrust back against me, meeting my own. His muscles clinched around me, pulling me in further and earning a 'fuck!' from him. His head fell down, breaking our eye contact, causing me to pick up my paces. "God, yes! Don't...don't move!" He screamed working his body against me.

His reflection showed his stomach shaking and convulsing like he did when he was about to come. Removing my hand from his cock, I yanked at his hair, forcing him to look at the mirror. He let out a gargled sound, so close to letting go. I leaned in and bit his ear. "Ry." I went back to stroking his cock. "You. Have. To." Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath as he moaned, clenching hard on my cock. "Watch yourself." I got out. "See how fucking hot you are when you come."

Licking his ear again, he moaned, now staring at his own reflection. His legs almost gave out, but I helped him back up, thrusting into him hard while jerking him off. His mouth fell open again as he neared his orgasm, but he continued to watch, to stare, to visually take himself in. He let out a moan and licked his lips as his hip stilled and he came, shooting across the sink, what I didn't catch on my upward stroke painted the mirror.

He smirked at his reflection. Fucking conceded bastard, knowing he did look fucking hot when he came.

It was the first time I noticed it, but the room and mirror were now filled with steam. I furrowed my brows in confusion as Ryan turned around, letting me slip out of him. My cock bobbed between us, connecting slightly with Ryan's leg. Gripping my neck, he pulled me in for a kiss. There were no lips, just tongue and teeth. I groaned, practically humping his leg when he took hold of my cock.

"Now it's your turn..." He whispered into my ear, taking my lobe between his teeth.

I groaned, thrusting my hips into his fist. He sucked his way down my jaw and to my neck, murmuring. "Keep your eyes open..." Knowing that I was about to let them slip closed.

His hand worked my cock as I looked at the mirror in front of me. It was foggy and our forms were barely recognizable but the contrast between the our white bodies, the red shower curtain, our dark hair, and the crease down his back to his ass made it visible. Grabbing his ass, I pulled us closer...as he stroked me closer to losing it.

Doing as he said, I watched myself, by now, the steam had taken over so much all I could focus on was my eyes and mouth. His thumb slid over my tip as I thrust forward, letting go. My eyes started to cross and my mouth fell open, but I couldn't look away. My entire body was shaking; my hips connected with Ryan. I could feel my come smearing in Ryan's hand, and some dripping, hitting my foot.

Utterly exhausted, we both stumbled back against the counter. Ryan froze and hissed from the cold tile of the sink, wrapping his arms around me. This time, I braced us; my legs slipped between his, our limp cocks now resting slack between us.

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

Two games of Candy Land, a bowl of popcorn and one High School Musical in, I was lounged on the couch, a half empty bowl of popcorn in my hand. Emmie on my right, head leaned against my shoulder, Ryan, in a similar position on my left. Both were sound asleep, causing my arms to go numb.

I let out a deep sigh as the door bell rang, waking up the two sleeping beauties and setting the bowl on the table as Ryan stretched and let our a small growl.

"Hey, can you go get that? My arms and legs are kind of tired from being a human pillow..."

Emmie laughed and curled up more into me, pushing her hair out of her face. Ryan smiled and nodded, bending down to give me a kiss as the door rang again. Turning to leave, Emmie pouted and Ryan smiled, giving her a kiss on the head.

I shook my leg, getting up, trying to bring it back to life while grabbing the leftover popcorn to take to the kitchen. My niece began to follow me meeting our guests in the hallway.

"SPENCER!!!!!" Em yelled, running past me and skidded to a stop. Spencer was already down to give her a hug when Emmie gasped and came back behind me, gripping my leg.

Patting her head with my free hand, I laughed at her weird behavior watching Spencer stand back up shrugging and hearing Ryan talking to someone as he neared the corner. "JON!" I smiled, trying to walk forward with the attachment to my leg. I gave him a big hug, earning a tighter squeeze from Em on my leg. Smoothing her hair once I released Jon, I looked down at her. "What's up you Dork? Jon isn't scary, he's completely harmless!"

Jon peeked around my leg at Emmie, then made a goofy face and smiled. I heard my sister's daughter giggle, burying her face in my leg. "OH!" I smirked. "Looks like someone has a crush!" Em squealed and threw a fist, only for me to catch right before she connected with my nether regions. "Whoa, whoa! Watch it Kid, you'd make Uncle Ry a very unhappy man if you injured the goods!"

Ryan slapped me playfully upside the head as he leaned down to Emmie. "I thought you had a crush on me...girls..." He laughed as Emmie held a death grip on my jeans. "You want to go to the park?" He asked, knowing it was the key to getting her from being shy.

I felt her head nod against my hip as I asked Jon what he was doing in town. Feeling Em's warmth off my leg, I turned to watch her follow Ryan into the livingroom to pick up the mess we had made. Once I was caught up with Jon, the two of them came back to the hallway, as did Spencer from the bathroom.

Emmie was holding a purse full of pink objects smiling at me. "Bendon, you get to wear this!" She pulled out a long, light pink feather boa.

"Oh I do?" She nodded. "And what about Spencer?"

Spencer bent down, receiving the hug he was denied when he first came in. "He gets this!" She grinned, placing a plastic tiara on Spencer's head.

Tilting it so it would stay put, Spencer smiled. "Only if I get a kiss!" Earning a peck on the cheek, he stood up, winking at Jon and laughing with a huge grin on his face.

"Unk Ry, you get these!" She held out two clip on earrings and a necklace of hot pink beads.

"Why thank you!" Ryan placed an earring on each ear and fit the necklace around his head.

Emmie grinned at her masterpiece of grown men in pink. "OK! Lez go to da park!"

I shook my head. "Sweetie, we're not going to wear this to the park..."

She stomped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest, nodding furiously.

"But, Em." Ryan tried. "We will get them all dirty..."

Again, all we earned was a shake of the head.

"But what about me?" Jon asked. "Don't I get any?"

Not looking at Jon, she kicked her foot out, and twisted. "No, cause I'm the Mommy and, and." She got all quiet. "You're the Daddy."

Jon's face broke out in a grin. "Well then, Sons!" He cleared his throat. "I mean, Daughters! You heard your Mom, you gotta wear that stuff to the park!" We all gave Jon death glares, but he just smiled and held his hand out for Em. "Shall we hold hands to the park, or do you want a piggy back ride?"

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

"And what else?" Ryan yelled back out to the pool, where Jon, Spencer and Emmie were swimming. The park was fun, but on this summer day, it was way too hot. Going through our clothing, we found suits for the other two, and I put one on also, after helping Em into her Rainbow Brite one piece.

Ryan decided against swimming, only really preferring to do it at night.

Naked.

With me.

But, of course we kept that part away from the other guys, knowing they probably wouldn't want to get in, with half the things we did in there. And yea, Spencer DEFINITELY wouldn't want to be clinging so tightly to that raft. Lord knows what still lingered on that thing...

"Apple n nutnut butter!" I heard Emmie scream from the pool, then let out a loud giggle followed by a splash.

I laughed walking over to the counter and reaching up for the peanut butter. Jiffy crunchy, just for Em. On my tip-toes, I stretched to the top shelf, my towel sliding down as Ryan ran his hands around my waist. Smiling, from grabbing the jar and feeling Ryan, I leaned back against him while he placed kisses on my neck.

"Mmm." I could feel a grin spreading across his lips. "You smell good. A hint of chlorine mixed with a splash of sunscreen, a slight whiff of sun-dried flesh and a lot of Brendon." He thrust his hips into my ass.

Chuckling, I pulled the bag of carrots over and began to peel them onto the cutting board. Ryan rubbed his nose in my wet hair, licking the water that dripped drown the back of my neck.

I leaned back into his mouth, slowly running the metal over the carrot, removing the dirt and skin. He pressed harder into my back, a small erection evident. Luckily our counters overlapped a little, or else, I would be smashed against the drawer, but instead, I had room...enough room for Ryan to slide his hand over my crotch.

"Do you have any idea how hot you are when you are swimming?" Ryan kissed my neck, running his nose along my exposed skin. "The way you stretch and stroke..." He rubbed his hand harder. "And let the water run over your body..."

Closing my eyes, I continued to clean the carrot, hissing when I ran the sharp object over my finger. Looking down, the injury wasn't bleeding, but stung slightly from the carrot's juices. Instinctively, I brought my hand up to my mouth, only for Ryan to remove his from below my waist and murmured. "Allow me."

Taking my finger, he sucked it into his mouth, holding it still with his teeth while lapping his tongue over the scratched skin. He tilted his head sucking my finger in more making 'kiss'y noises, slicking it up.

I groaned, but tried to keep with my task on the carrot. It was hard to do, since my left hand could no longer hold the vegetable in place. Instead, I turned around in his arms, watching him move my finger in and out of his mouth seductively.

His spit glistened his lips and all I wanted to do was kiss him, but his teeth had a firm grip on my knuckle, while his tongue flicked across the tip of my finger. Narrowing my eyes at him, I all but yanked my hand away, bringing his mouth with me.

Ryan's mouth immediately closed with a pop, furrowing his brows at me voicing, 'wha...' his mouth forming a bubble and popping at the 't'. We both paused for a moment then burst out laughing stopped abruptly when we heard a blood curdling scream from outside followed by footsteps and splashes.

My heart stopped, pulling away from Ryan, rushing over to the door, my towel falling off in the process no longer camouflaging my forming erection.

I threw open the door in time to catch Em in my arms, pulling her up and close to me.

Spencer threw me a towel for my niece and looked over his shoulder at Jon who came running behind him, holding his shoulder and wincing.

"What the?" I started as Spencer told Jon to sit down at the table.

Walking over to the fridge, Spencer pulled out a bottle of beer while Emmie clung to me, crying. "Em, what's wrong?"

Her lip quivered as I pushed her dark hair out of her red eyes. "Dare wuz a bee, Bren a BEE!"

Squeezing her more onto my chest, not caring that my once dry skin was now soaked again, I rubbed her back. "Did you get stung?" I asked, kissing her forehead. She shook her head as Ryan came over and placed his hand on Em's shoulder.

Our eyes connected and I let out a long sigh, relieved that she wasn't hurt. Ryan noticed and placed his hand on my back. A hiss broke our moment as we looked over towards the table. Spencer had Jon's arm out flat (with a towel under it) and was pouring some beer on it.

"Um..." I started, quirking a brow at the two.

Spencer shrugged. "It wasn't a bee, it was a yellow jacket." He poured some more beer and let out a short hum. "That should do it!" Smiling, he turned back to us. "Jon got stung while he was getting Emms out of the water. He was quite the hero!"

Jon rolled his eyes, denying the fact and shrugged too, looking at the beer. "Ooh!" He smiled, drinking the rest of it in one gulp.

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

I yawned entering our bedroom. Finally, she was a sleep. It was like pulling teeth. Sighing when I noticed Ryan's figured curled up above the sheets. I walked over to him, running my hand up and down his side.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Ryan wiped his eyes with his forearm and sniffed, not answering. Biting my lip, I moved next to him, curling around his back. "Ry, if this is about what Em said..."

He immediately turned around to face me, tears evident in his eyes. "Bren, she called me a 'Meanie' and said she didn't like me!"

I wrapped my arms around his middle, pulling him closer. "She's just a kid. She's spoiled and she gets what she wants at home. And, when she doesn't get that same treatment elsewhere, she is a brat. Ryan, it was nothing personal. Had I told her she had to get out of the bath instead of you, she would have said the same thing to me. And you know, she probably doesn't even remember it..." I kissed his forehead.

Sniffing again, he burrowed more into my neck. "I know." I heard him whisper, shivering at his warm, wet breath on my neck. "It just hurts..."

I massaged his back a little then asked. "Where does it hurt?"

He pulled back and placed his hand over his chest. Pouting at him, I pushed him onto his back, removing his hand, and placing my lips there instead. I kissed a trail across his chest, licking and nipping every so often.

Watching as his back arched to my mouth, I blew over the wet skin, causing him to shudder. "Is that the only place it hurts?" I huffed across his skin. He shook his head. "Where else Ry? Where does it hurt?"

He ran his hand from his lips down to his crotch and further.

Smiling, I brought myself level to his eyes. "You want me to kiss it and make it all better?" He nodded quickly as I smirked, stilling his head by bringing his bottom lip into my mouth.

We made out for a few moments until I crawled on top of his body, laying flush with him. Soon he was thrusting up against my grinding hips so I pulled back, sucking a line almost straight down to his boxers.

I grinned up at him from between his legs before I pulled down his boxers, licking along his erection. "Is this were it hurts?" I gave him my puppy dog eyes.

He nodded. "The worst..." Thrusting his hips up as I ran my nose along his package.

Laughing, I nodded back taking his tip into my mouth. Ryan let out a long groan, left hand snaking in my hair while the other reached up and tweaked his nipple. His mouth stayed open as I straightened my neck, and took his cock in my mouth.

I closed my eyes and trying to focus on making him forget about everything and anything that was upsetting him. Keeping my pace, I varied between sucking and licking him in my mouth until I heard a clatter and squeak.

Looking up, I saw him fumbling in the drawer, searching and retrieving a bottle of lube. Tossing it towards me, he sighed. "Hurts lower too..."

I had to pull off him so I wouldn't choke. Shaking my head at him, I giggled. "It does now?" He nodded matter of factly before bringing his hips up to connect with my chin. "Ok, ok..." I teased, taking the lube and slicking up a few fingers.

Once he was back in my mouth, I circled my finger around his hole and slid one in. Sighing against his cock, I worked my finger around, before adding another. Quickly, I started a pace of fucking in and out of him with my fingers while swallowing him down my throat.

I curled my fingers hard, earning a loud moan and buck of the hips. "Mmmm..." He let out a deep breath, squeezing around my fingers, forcing them deeper inside him.

Pressing his prostate again, I rubbed the tips of my fingers hard, in slow circles massaging that spot all the while taking his tip in my mouth, lapping at it, and humming around him.

"FUCK!" He groaned, pulling at my hair and coming down my throat. His hips continued to rock as his stomach clinched while I removed my fingers.

I rested my head against his thigh, reaching down to touch myself, letting Ryan calm down.

Then there was a knock at the door.

We both sat up in record time. Me removing my hand from my pajama pants, and Ryan pulling up his boxers. Surveying the situation, I walked over the door, opening it to a tired looking Emmie holding her blanket and stuffed chick.

"What's wrong Sweetie?" I asked, squatting down to be at her level.

She peered around me at Ryan then looked back at me pouting. "I thought Ryry was hurt." Letting her lip out further, she leaned against me.

"No, he's ok, see?" I pointed over my shoulder where Ryan gulped and waved. Shaking her head, she snuck a peek at him. "You want to go give him a hug to make sure he is?" I asked, skeptical from the events that happened an hour earlier.

She nodded and ran out of my arms to the bed, clinging to Ryan.

Petting her hair, Ryan smiled with his arms wrapped around her. "See, I'm ok. Well." He tapped his finger on her nose. "Much better now after Em hugs. But kisses are better..." Emmie grinned from ear to ear and kissed both of Ryan's cheeks then sank back into his arms again.

"I was scared." She looked up at Ryan then to me. "Ryry yelled a bad word that Daddy says when he is upset..."

I tried to hold back a laugh as Ryan stiffened in Em's arms. Running my hand through her hair, I sat down next to them. "Uncle Ry just tripped when getting into bed is all."

"Is that why he's all sweaty?" She asked innocently.

"Yea, um, something like that." I laughed. "Are you ready for bed then?"

She nodded, started to climb out of Ryan's lap. Before she walked to far, she grabbed Ryan's hand. "Can you read me a bed time story?" She asked and Ryan nodded, following her out of the room.

He came back a few minutes later just as I was finishing a Suduko puzzle. Setting it by the lamp, I held out my hands for him to lie between my legs. Instantly curling up on my bare chest, he sighed. "She's so cute."

"I know." I smiled, weaving my hand through his hair. "You are really good with her, you know?"

Ryan shrugged, tucking his arms under his chin to look up at me. "You ever want one?"

"A kid?" Removing my glasses and placing them on the book, I nodded.

"We should, you know." He shrugged. "Have one, well, get one."

I smiled, bringing him up to kiss him. "You sure?" I pulled back, smirking. "Depending on how old they are, there goes our sex life for about 10 to 15 years..."

His face dropped as he thought about it. Then a smile spread across his face. "It'd be worth it." I nodded in agreement as he ran his hand down my body. "And we could always start making up for the lost time, like...now!"

Wiggling his brows, he turned off the lamp and yanked off my pants.

Yea, starting now was definitely a great idea.

author's note: dont forget to wish kayt a happy birthday!

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 00:00:15 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (60/60)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan Spencer/Alex
Rating: R
Summary: Three years later.
Disclaimer: This year and six+ month story is by no means true. The characters are fictional, but have simply stolen the names and images of the boys in Panic. This is fake and will never happen.
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

Quick author's note: We would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on our story. Words can't even say how thankful we are. There is a list here of the 287 of you who took the time out of your busy day to read this small little fic and comment.

But, a special thanks to those of you who took even more time and commented thirty or more times. It's readers and commenters like you that made this story possible and kept it going. So, thank you from the bottom of our hearts! xkissxbangx1 stillmystar sebaddict_rehab rawr_im_leanne pznxn__kerosene mandlebars m00fin_mofo3 kaytvengeance cass_a_daay exist2exist ava_desrosiers cass_a_daay

Three Years Later

Life has been a huge whirlwind. Yep, that's pretty much the sum of it.

I guess I should start from the beginning. Where did I leave off? Of yes, Ryan and I making love in the desert. That was a great night, but it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies from there.

By the end of my first college year, things got more and more hectic. The music program at college wasn't what I wanted to be in. To me, it lacked, and I really wasn't learning much. Basically, I was treated like a freshmen. Who knew?

Needless to say, I was more than ready to go camp and work with kids who had the same passion in music as me. Throughout the school year, I had been emailing back and forth with the camp director, and when I got there, I was happily prepared to teach the classes how to sing and play various instruments.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was the separation from Ryan. Sure, we were away from each other the summer before, but this was a whole new distance. I couldn't just leave camp when I wanted to visit. I couldn't have many visitors AND the cell phone service sucked, as well as the lack of the internet.

That summer was one of the hardest ever. Being not only away from Ryan, but also Spencer and Alex and my family. Luckily though, I had a great cabin mate, Phil. Ok, so maybe we were more than just cabin mates.

We didn't do anything, except ALMOST kiss once.

And, well... breaking up with Ryan was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But, Phil helped me through that. He practically talked me into it. He made me realize that I was young and I needed to experience more things than just one boyfriend. Most importantly, I needed to get out of Vegas for college, and if I couldn't handle a ten week distance, what about an academic year?

I broke up with Ryan the day I came back from camp. He was already home from LA, and we were over at his place. Ok, so I played it all wrong, I waited until after we fucked. But, I had been gone all summer without anything, so I really needed it. Not that it was great, considering I had other things on my mind. But that was besides the point.

I broke up with Ryan after I fucked him, just hours from coming back from camp.

And Ryan and I haven't spoken since.

I sound calm, don't I? Well, it has been three years and I can't beat myself up so much anymore, although, I know I still deserve it.

I kept up with Ryan and his life through Spencer. They were still friends when I moved to NYC to go to college. The music program was amazing, as were the internships. Basically, I spent the next three years until I graduated this past spring in New York.

Spencer came out to visit me a few times. And I even saw Alex when I would come home and visit Spencer. It was good to see Alex, but I still saw so much of Ryan in him. I wanted to apologize to Alex, but I didn't know how he would take it. So, we simply avoided the topic.

I didn't work at the camp ever again, and conveniently, I lost Phil's number. We never hooked up or anything, like I said, he was just a friend (who gave REALLY shitty advice).

The only boyfriend I had was Zack, a grad student who played the cello. We dated for a year and a half. I thought we were good for each other until I came over to his apartment one night to find him fucking another TA. I also found out that I wasn't his only boyfriend...

Karma. I know right?

After that, I just had a couple of random fucks.

I wouldn't call myself a whore. I knew most of the guys I was with, but never called them twice. I had only slept with a handful of guys and even with the list, no one ever compared to Ryan. Even so, my sex life was never the same. Sure, it was satisfying in the sense that I got off and so did the other person, but that was it. I could have done the same thing with my hand, but sometimes it felt good to have a warm body to get me off.

I thought about Ryan often. There were so many times that I would pick up the phone and want to call him, but I never knew what to say. I had a folder full of unwritten emails. Even if he would never give me the time of day, or he was completely over me, I still wanted him to know that he was the best thing that had happened to me and that I thought of him and missed him and deep down still loved him.

Most importantly, that breaking up with him was the biggest mistake I had ever made.

But, I was over him. I really was, whether I made a huge mistake or not, I was over him. At least that is what I told myself on a regular basis.

I didn't think about him ALL the time. So I fucked a guy just because he was wore a Belle Morte shirt. And the guy who sang the song he recored with FOB at a karaoke bar. And one time, on the subway, I swear, there was something in my eye, it wasn't tears, when I heard a lady yell at her kid, Sam.

When I broke up with him, it seemed like the right thing to do. I thought many times about what my life would be like had I stayed with him. I knew it would be the same. I broke up with him because I was selfish and greedy. I wanted to have so much more then what was in front of me. And at the time, I thought there was more, but now after three years, I knew there wasn't.

It's weird how long it took me to look back and reflect. I knew my life with Ryan was over. I knew I hurt him and that he would never take me back. And I hoped that he had someone special. Someone better than me. I hoped and prayed almost every night that he was happy and I was just a thing of his past.

There were still times when I thought that breaking up with him was probably one of the best things I ever did. For him and me. From Spence, I knew he was successful and living in LA. And if I was with him, would he have done all that? Seriously, if we were still together, would he have accomplished all he did? Would I?

Sometimes Spencer and I would have in-depth conversations about it when I was drunk and the bars were closed here just as the Vegas ones came alive. I don't know how he put up with me. But he never once pressured me into anything. Sure, there were times when he would tell me just to call Ryan and have my peace, but he knew I never would, so he didn't force me too.

The things he told me about Ryan made me happy. For all I knew, Ryan could be living the fucking life out there, and Spence dumbed it down for me, and it could have been the opposite. A part of me wanted both. It depended on the day.

But now, it was summer, and I had applied to a handful of jobs in the Vegas area. I realized after being away, that I really did miss this place, and the warm weather. Along with Nevada, I applied for jobs in California too, and actually had an interview set up for a company who made jingles and radio ads for local restaurants and bars the following week. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to do with my degree, but it would work.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Life had certainly taken a different path than I had anticipated.

Three years ago I had been in a relationship with what I thought was the love of my life. Three years ago I had been in college, blissfully unaware that everything was going to change. Again.

Brendon and I made it through the first school year together. It seemed pretty damn amazing at the time, nights in his dorm, nights at my condo, weekends taking off to the desert, double dates with Alex and Spencer, everything that made relationships perfect. It was hard to say goodbye to him for the second summer in a row because it was going to be a summer with significantly less time getting to see each other. I returned to LA with Alex for another summer internship, only this internship was with a different label. We got to spend time with everyone from the summer before, including many of the bands, and we continued moving forward towards what we both wanted. The summer wasn't easy with few phone calls with Brendon, fewer text messages, and mostly only written letters. I was as much of a good boy as I could be while I waited for the summer to be over and for us to be back together.

The day he got home was the day he destroyed my life.

I had never felt that used as I did that day. He perverted the love that I had for him and used my body to get off. It probably would have been better had he cheated while he was at camp instead of coming home only to use my body and then leave me.

I spent the following six months sleeping in Alex's bed, refusing to sleep in my own. I'm actually surprised Spence didn't have a problem with it.

For the rest of the summer I avoided, as much as possible, everything and anything that reminded me of the relationship I'd had with Brendon. My heart was still broken and I was having a hard time dealing with the way he ended it as well as the fact that it had ended. Alex and I discussed transferring to LA for the last year and a half of our college career and promptly applied to one of the best colleges that offered degrees in music production and management. We moved into Pete's house while he was on tour while we waited for our condo to sell and to get a place of our own in the city. Alex started working part-time at the label we had interned at and I picked up work with Pete and Fall Out Boy. Classes continued, work continued, life continued, but it was far different going to school in LA than it had been going to school in Vegas. I thrived off of it.

By the end of my first full year in LA I'd managed to push Brendon out of my head pretty much completely. I went back to some of my old ways, which started the night I slept with Pete. Things changed for me that night and I found myself in Pete's bed many times over that year, along with the beds of many other men I met in LA, some of which were in bands, others of which weren't. Sometimes it was hard to be with someone and not have a fleeting thought of Brendon, but I shoved it out of my head and concentrated all the more on who I was with. Alex worried about me but he didn't say very much to me, I'm pretty sure Spence got an earful though. While I was still friends with Spence, I made it a point to not be around all that much when he was around and made it a point to spend the night either with Pete or someone else.

At some point I met Justin, a beautiful man who was taller than me and hair as dark as night. His eyes were expressive and beautiful and his lips had a perfect poutiness that weren't too full. He was nothing like Brendon and was everything I needed at the time. It started with a fling one night and ended up with a relationship that spanned the last year of school. I was happier with Justin and managed to find my way from graduation of college into employment with him on my side.

I got a job with one of the labels, Alex did too, and we used the money we had saved from our jobs and the sale of our condo into buying a house in the city. Things seemed to be going perfectly. Justin kept me from thinking about Brendon and what I'd lost, he was good at distracting me when he thought my mind might be straying. He was also good at keeping me in his bed instead of letting me stray from it, he wasn't a big fan of me spending the night in Alex's bed. Alex, on the other hand, wasn't sold on Justin and my relationship with him, but he respected it and supported it while keeping his reservations to himself and Spencer.

Alex was right though, Justin and I broke up a few months ago, a week before we recieved the 'invitation' to Spencer's graduation party. It would be the first time going back to Vegas that I was pretty much destined to be in the same area at the same time as my ex-boyfriend. I'd just gotten my life back together without him and I wasn't sure I was ready to have it blown apart again; I wouldn't have Justin to help me through it, although I wasn't sure, if he and I had stayed together, that he would have been there anyway. I also wasn't going to have Alex and Spence because it was Spence's day and that meant Alex staying by him, I didn't want to go even though Spence was Alex's boyfriend and one of my good friends. Sometimes it still amazed me that they made it through everything and Brendon and I didn't.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It was a good hour into Spencer's party. It was weird to be back here after being away for so long. Weird, yet so familiar all the same. I spent most the time mingling and reminiscing with the band, some old friends from school, and Spencer's family. His house hadn't changed much in the three years I had been away. Even though we were states apart, Spencer and I never lost contact. We spoke a couple times a month just catching up and what not.

RIght now, I was sitting beside him as he talked about his plans for the future. To me, it was like a broken record, since I had heard it a million times. He was one person who knew what he wanted and stuck with it. His goals hadn't changed at all since he graduated from high school, and here we were four years later and it was the same.

One thing I didn't really expect though was the fact that Alex was still in his life, Funny, it was Ryan and I who were supposed to be together for ever, or some of crazy talk, but I guess things happen for a reason. I smiled over to Alex as he brought Spencer a drink and kissed him on the cheek. It still surprised me that they showed affection to each other, hell, even in front of his parents. Alex handed me a beer, which I opened and took a swig of, excusing myself to go ask James if he had heard the new Band of Horses CD.

I stood outside of Spencer's house and just looked at the front door. I was late and I didn't really care. Honestly, he'd be lucky I even came.

Three years.

Three years and so much had changed.

I hadn't been to Spencer's house in so long. I hadn't looked at his door in years. I knew there was a party going on inside but I didn't want to go in. I wasn't ready, but yet I knew I had to. I wouldn't even be there if it weren't for Alex. Well, that's not entirely true. Spence and I had kept in contact over the past three years because he was still with Alex, strange, but true, and he'd been in LA visiting Alex when he told me that he would be devastated if I didn't come to his graduation party. After Spence had left Alex had laid into me and told me that he'd never speak to me again if I didn't go. So there I was, at Spence's house for the first time since Brendon broke up with me, and I knew that there was no way I could get out of it, and I knew that my ex was probably inside trying to be the life of the party.

I wasn't sure I was ready to see him, even after three years.

Biting my lip, I made my way up the front steps and into the house. I looked around for a few minutes, searching out my best friend. I wanted to get in, make my appearance, and get out. I'd go home and sleep, maybe call some of the guys back in LA to keep myself busy, and then wait for Alex to have time for me tomorrow or something before we headed back to LA in a few days. Being home held bad memories for me.

I found Alex sitting with Spencer just as he saw me. "Well it's about fucking time, Ry. I was starting to wonder if you'd ever show up!" He got up and pulled me in against him when I got close enough. He left a smacking kiss on my lips before letting me turn to Spencer. I smiled at Spence and gave him a hug, murmuring 'congratulations' in his ear before pulling back to glance around the house, part of me looking to see if he was there, the other part hoping he wasn't. Alex shoving a glass into my hand brought me back to my best friend and his boyfriend and I smiled at the familiar smell of rum. Some things hadn't changed.

Laughing at something Steve had said, I took a another drink of my beer, my eyes scanning the crowd. I nearly choked as I saw the back of a tall skinny man standing next to where Spencer sat, his arm around Alex. I knew that posture and bum from anywhere. Wiping the back of my hand against my mouth, I simply stood and stared.

I could hear the guys saying something to me, but their voices were drowned out as I found my way walking over to my best friend. Finishing off the beer, I tossed it into a garbage can, and shoved my hands in my back pockets while inviting myself into the conversation.

Once our eyes met, I froze. Ryan looked more amazing than I had ever seen. Maybe it was the lighting, maybe it was his tan complexion even or maybe it was simply that he was the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth. I gave him a quick smile, letting out a long breath before turning to kick Spencer's crossed leg. "Some hell of a party you throw here Smith." I joked nodding to Alex. "And well, you too Alex. We all know you throw the best of them."

Smiling between them all, my fingers stayed in my pockets. Pinching myself for being an idiot, I for once was speechless. "It's, uh, it's good to see you Ryan." I licked my lips quickly. "I'm sure Spen is glad you could make it." I tried, knowing that he still lived in LA, so coming to Vegas was a small trek for him.

I looked up when Brendon came over and I felt my heart damn near skip a beat. I knew he had to be there, and I knew I was going to have to see him unless I could duck out of the party before I had to. But him walking right up to us and right into our conversation was a little hard to handle. I dipped my head to take a sip of my drink, trying to get myself under control. Of course he'd be there, he was still really close with Spencer, I knew that because Spence had talked about him when he'd been around Alex and I. Alex had sworn he hadn't seen him or talked to him more than on occasion, but I had the feeling he'd been saying that just so I wouldn't be mad at him.

My eyes flicked to my best friend and then to Spencer, not sure if I should avoid Brendon's gaze, if I should answer him, if I should talk to him at all. It was the first time since he told me we were over that I was seeing him, I thought three years was going to be enough, but him right in front of me, I wasn't sure that it was.

I nodded in response to his statement and felt Alex squeeze my side. "He came home with me...tho, I think if it hadn't been for me getting him home, he'd still be in LA...what would tonight be, Ry? Drinks and clubs with Pete or movies and video games with Will?"

I smiled at Alex and shrugged, thinking for a moment. "Actually I think it would have been coffee and live music with Frank tonight." My eyes flicked to Spencer and I smiled. "But Spence is more important than Pete, Will or Frank, cause he only graduates college once." I bit my lip and smiled through it before taking another sip of my drink. I still couldn't get myself to really look at Brendon and meet his eyes, but at least I didn't walk away or keep my mouth completely shut.

"Damn straight I am way more important!" Spencer laughed as he stood up next to us. I moved closer to Ryan to give him room. Of course Ryan was avoiding me. What else should he do? I really didn't expect much less of him. But I figured he would at least have the decency to look at me. I knew I broke his heart, but from what I heard from Spencer, he was having a pretty excellent life out in LA. I guess that still didn't change the fact that I hurt him.

I didn't want to be conceded and think that he still did care about me like that, or that I even still had a place in his heart. I knew he was strong and I only assumed he had moved on. Hell, I told myself he did. I fooled myself into believing that he was living and leading this wonderful life, and me, I was just a thing of his past. I mean, he did have Will and Pete and Frank. I was just Brendon. Some hyper active kid whose virginity he took. And, ok, broke his heart.

"Yes, you are the most important. Always was and always will be!" I smirked at Spencer, poking him in the stomach.

Grinning, he pointed to the kitchen. "You need another beer?"

Shaking my head, I laughed. "What? Spence, you trying to get me drunk tonight?" He laughed back. "Neh, I'm ok, funny, I drink less now that it is legal then when it wasn't." I shrugged. Looking over to Alex and Ryan, I smiled. "How long you guys in town for then?"

I looked at Alex when Brendon asked. That was an argument that we had had and fought over and in the end Alex had won. I could, of course, go home and leave Alex in Vegas and return to LA which was now my home.

Alex grinned and moved toward Spencer, slipping his arm around Spence's waist and I felt a small flair of jealousy, but we'd been over and past that. I loved Spencer almost as much as Alex did and I no longer wanted to get between them, although I'd admit that there had been lonely times in LA that I wished Alex were single. "Well, right now it's about a week. We got home two days ago, so that leaves another five days before we head back to LA. I'm hoping I can convince Spence to come with us and look for a job in LA and seriously think about moving out there. It'd be awesome to have him right there."

I shook my head and smiled at the two of them. I never had thought they'd last for four years and still be going strong. They were probably the best couple I had ever seen together, they were just so natural and perfect together. Just looking at them made me smile. I was happy for them, a little jealous at times, but all in all happy. "Yeah, Spence, when are you moving to LA and taking our city by storm? Now that you don't have school to worry about, I'd say you should definitely get a job out there with us. You can even move in with us, I'll let you share Alex's room with him." I grinned and for a moment it actually felt like old times. Almost.

Alex smirked and pulled Spence's lips to his, giving him a tender but intense kiss before grinning and looking around. His free hand slipped into his pocket and I had to say they looked happy and I felt bad that they'd been apart so much over the last year. Alex had certainly not come home very often, I think that was partially due to me not wanting to come home and him not wanting to leave me alone.

I finished off my drink and felt better for it. I glanced around and put the glass down on the table I was standing beside. "You guys went all out for this, Spence. It's great. Really, it's an awesome graduation party. You deserve it so much too. What better to celebrate than the achievement of finishing college?" I looked at Spence and bit my lip before murmuring. "I'm sorry I was late."

It was so surreal watching them. I wondered if that was what Ryan and I had looked when we were together. Spencer rested his head on Alex's shoulder as he smiled at Ryan then shrugged. "You never know." And grinned his signature grin that squared out his jaw and showed way too many teeth to be natural.

Grinning back at him, I couldn't help but stare at Ryan again. At least I knew when I looked at him, I wouldn't get caught considering he was acting like I wasn't even there. Taking in his appearance and wardrobe, I sighed and breathed in his scent. Fuck, it was still the same Ryan. That smell alone brought back so many memories. Like the time we..."OW!" I yelled, rubbing my arm after Spencer just flicked it.

"I asked you about the interview you had next week! Wake up dude!" He joked as he ran his arm up and down Alex's side. Oh, gag me with a spoon...

"Oh, yea, um, it's in LA, like the south side or something. Just for a small advertising studio, nothing big..."

"See!" Spencer grinned. "It could be like old times! I'd so move to LA if Brendon was there!"

I bit my lip, now kind of wishing I had taken the offer of another beer. "Spen, it's just an interview. I mean, I don't even know if LA is right for me, you know?"

"And New York was?" He cocked his hip and stared at me. All I could do was shrug, hoping someone else would change the subject, and QUICK. So maybe it wasn't smart for me to run away to NYC and leave Spencer here. But it was my choice, and I know I got a hell of a lot more experience there then I would ever get in Vegas. I did feel bad though, leaving Spencer here, but he seemed to have made it ok. Hell, by the looks of it, better than me. Which he fully deserved!

LA, Brendon was thinking of going to LA, well wasn't that just a twist of luck for me? It wasn't like it'd be a problem, LA was a big city so it wasn't like it'd be likely that I'd run into him or anything on the streets, but if he was there and Spence would move because he was there then that would probably mean that they'd live together and then when Spence was invited over to our house he'd bring Brendon and that would mean I'd have to see him a whole hell of a lot. The idea wasn't exactly appealing at the moment because it'd be the two love birds and the two exes, what fun was that?

I sighed softly and wished that I had another drink, maybe five or six, actually, I wanted a bottle of rum to just get wasted on and forget about life for the moment. But I was an adult and I could deal with my problems, at least that's what I told myself.

Alex was fiddling with something in his pocket and my eyes strayed down to it and then flicked up to give him an 'are you serious?' look. He just gave me a smile and shrugged a little before looking around at the party. It was mostly friends and family and Spencer's mom was looking over at the four of us with that look only mothers could pull off. She smiled at me and I gave her a smile back, she was always nice to us but I was surprised she actually remembered me after three years. I looked back just in time to see Alex tug Spence toward the step up into the other room and turn to address everyone, leaving me standing alone beside Brendon.

"So! We all know why we're here today." He turned and smiled at Spence. "My baby has graduated college and is now officially out into the real world." There was a round of applause and calls of congratulations while Alex pulled Spencer in for a quick and loving kiss. The first time I'd heard Alex call Spencer 'baby' and talk about love had blown me away. That had been on the trip up to Vegas the other day, so this display in front of me was rather shocking. Alex turned his attention back to everyone and grinned. "Now, he opened the gifts you all brought to him a little bit ago, but I didn't get to give him mine, so I think now is the time."

Alex's eyes met mine and I smiled. He returned my smile and I watched him reach into his pocket. When he pulled his hand out it was obvious he was holding something and I stepped around someone to get a better look, biting my lip as I watched my best friend look back at Spencer with a smile and go down onto one knee. "Spencer Smith, you've been something amazing in my life for the past four years. I realized about halfway through that I was in love with you and our somewhat unconventional relationship. Spence..." He opened his hand and held up a ring. "I don't want to be without you ever again in my life. Please...would you be mine forever?"

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched Spencer for his answer. Alex hadn't told me he was going to propose today. No wonder he demanded that I be there or our friendship was over.

I gulped as the world around me went silent and froze again. The only thing I could see and hear was Alex and Spencer. Spencer too stood there silent and in shock. I knew I heard a few gasps and maybe even saw movement, but it was all a blur. Spencer came back into focus. I watched him pull Alex up off the ground and throw his arms around him in a tight hug murmuring "YES!YES!YES!YES!" over and over again.

I was pushed and nudged out of the way as people went up to congratulate him. Them. To congratulate Spencer, my best friend on saying yes to a forever commitment with his...Alex. I tried to ignore the sinking, clenching, aching feeling in my chest and the bile that threatened to rise up. Soon, I made my way to the front of the crowd, to give them my best wishes and love.

Waiting my turn, I thought about how it had always been Spencer and I. How we told each other everything. Had I been so wrapped up in myself that I didn't hear him when he told me about the closeness of Alex and his relationship? Was I that self involved and bad of a friend?

I finally reached them. My tears that I didn't know had escaped matched Spencer's as I pulled him into the biggest hug I could muster. Reaching an arm out, I grabbed Alex's body and drew him in too. I clung to both of them and their happiness. When I finally let go, I placed a kiss on both of their closed mouths, congratulating them over and over again.

Someone brought out a couple bottles of champaign and made a toast to the happy couple once the glasses were full. I stood next to Spencer smiling in awe at him. Deep down, in the most selfish way possible, wishing it could have been me too.

Somewhere, in the midst of all the celebration and flowing champaign, Alex's eyes found mine again across the room, over heads, around bodies, they found mine. That was one thing about us, we might as well have been twins with a sixth sense in finding each other. He could always find me in the middle of a crowded room, and our eyes would always meet. I knew I head tears streaming down my cheeks, but I knew I was smiling too. Ignoring everyone else around him (with the exception of Spencer, his fiancee) he motioned for me. I slipped around people, people I probably knew and some I'm sure I didn't, and I found myself standing in front of the newly engaged couple.

"I...I never really thought you were the marrying type, Lex...I...I kinda thought I'd be married and having single Uncle Lex to terrorize my children. Single Lex always trying to entice me out to a club or a show..." He held his hand out to me, smiling, I took it. "I guess, when you told me, I didn't really believe you...even with the ring...I didn't know today you'd be expanding our family..." He pulled me in against him and I buried my face in his neck, my best friend, the last person I expected to get married, was getting married. He held me tightly, ignoring pretty much everyone else in the house at the moment, after a few minutes we pulled away and I looked up into his eyes. "Congratulations, Lex...you've always deserved more happiness than you've let yourself have..." I leaned in and placed one of our Rylex kisses on his lips, figuring this would probably be the last time ever and I probably shouldn't even be giving him this one.

I pulled away and looked over at Spencer. He was watching us and I knew I was stepping into their moment, so I had to say my peace and let them be. I let go of Alex and pulled Spencer in against me, hugging him tightly. "You realize this means you're stuck with me for life too, you know. And it also means you're going to have to move to LA to be with your fiancee. You're lucky I love you because I'm willing to put up with you living with us when you move out." I grinned at him, feeling the tears streak down my cheeks. "Congratulations Spence, and welcome to the family." He reached up and wiped away my tears before pulling me into another hug. I hugged him back before murmuring, "I'm kissing the bride too," and I placed a kiss, much like the one I'd given Alex, on Spencer's lips too.

After a few moments I pulled and stepped away so that they could socialize with everyone else. Another toast was made and I found myself with a glass of champagne in my hand and then it was gone, the taste of the liquid left on my tongue. I watched the two of them, absently nodding at different people who spoke to me but not really being there. After realizing that they would be tied up together and with everyone else for a while I made my way out the back door and into Spence's dark backyard. The stars glistened overhead and I allowed myself to actually cry, out of happiness, out of sadness, out of memory, out of hope, out of loneliness, out of everything. I was happy for them, I truly was, but it reminded me of the fact that I was single, again, and alone. No Justin to call and ask for solace, no one to lean against and talk about how things were. My best friend didn't have time for my emotions tonight, it was his and Spence's night, as it rightfully should be. Sighing softly and wiping at my tears I sat down on one of the deck recliners and looked at the stars.

I needed air. It was all too much, and I needed air. The happy couple seemed occupied once I slipped away from Spencer. There would be plenty of time to congratulate and hound him once the crowd was gone. These people here. Most of them didn't even know that Spencer was with Alex, let alone gay. Well, ok, so maybe they did. But they weren't there the first time Spencer had hooked up with Alex.

I laughed to myself as I walked into the now deserted kitchen to grab a beer. Hell, I even took two for good measure. It might be a while. The cool room all the sudden felt stuffy as I thought about the first time I saw Alex and Spencer together. It was in Ryan and Alex's LA apartment when Ryan was in the hospital. Weird how things turned out. Reaching for the back door, I made my way into the back yard yelling "FUCK!" at the top of my lungs, figuring there was enough commotion in the house that no one would hear me.

I heard a gasp to my left, apologizing automatically, thinking I was the only one out here. Looking over to the figure sitting on a lawn chair, I noticed right away who it was. My legs shook as I walked over to him, offering the other beer I had collected for myself. He nodded to me as he opened it, taking a large gulp. I did the same once I sat in a chair next to him.

We say silently for a few minutes before I broke it. "You know, I was just thinking about the first time Alex and Spencer got together. Here you were fragile and beat up, near death in the hospital, and they were fooling around in your apartment." I half laughed, not planning it to come out as harsh as it did. "I, I remember walking in on them." I took a long drink. "All I saw was Alex's bare ass bending over Spencer's."

Leaning back in the chair, I shook my head, letting the silence engulf us again. After a few moments I spoke. "I honestly don't know of any two people more perfect for each other." I wasn't quite sure who I was talking about.

Brendon's sudden arrival in the back yard scared me, but at least he had the decency to offer me one of the two beers he had. I wasn't sure I really wanted to have a conversation just us though, it just all felt too strange. It was Brendon and I together when Alex and Spencer hooked up and we all were pretty sure it was just hookups. Four years later they were going strong, engaged even, and Brendon and I were three years over. Ironic I thought.

"Back then...I never would have thought today would be what it is..." I took another drink of the beer and just sorta looked at it in my hands, leaning back in the chair and sighing. What was I supposed to say to the person who broke my heart and left me struggling to put myself back together? I licked my lips, hearing the commotion inside, the voices and laughter, everyone was so happy, happy for Spence's graduation and happy for his engagement. Odd how both of their best friends were out on the porch drinking and not in the middle of it all celebrating with everyone else.

"They belong together. If Spence can deal with dating Lex for four years, and they can make it through four years of being apart most of the time and still love each other, then yeah, they're perfect for each other." I bit my lip, almost rambling to myself. I was happy for them, but it was still weird, weirder still, in some ways for me to be speaking to Brendon again.

"It'll be interesting when Spence moves in with us in LA...and they start planning the wedding..." I sighed softly, running my fingers along the rim of the bottle. I would have loved, in that moment, to be in my bed in LA and curled up in someone's arms. I'd even consider asking Pete to curl up with me at that moment, he was still good for things like that. In moments like those I missed Justin and his long arms and solid body. It was moments like those that I missed having someone.

I nodded to Ryan. Again, not that he was looking at me. Too many times to count, I was speechless tonight. What else more could I say that hadn't already been said? How do I start a conversation with Ryan? 'Yea, so I'm sorry I dumped you'? Or, 'So, been fucking anyone since we broke up?'? Instead I just drank back more beer and sat in silence. Sighing, I let my head fall back, looking up at the stars.

They still took my breath away to date. "I still. I still uh, think of you every time I see the stars." I mumbled, my fingers peeling the label on the bottle. "I didn't see them much in New York, and maybe that was good, I don't know. But I do, I think of you every time..." Looking back down at my beer, I sighed. I was supposed to be happy right now. This was supposed to be a celebration. Spencer and I had both graduated from college, and Spencer was now engaged.

The only thing that filled my mind was the silence between Ryan and I though. And I didn't know what to do about it. With them getting married, it was obvious that I would at least be seeing Ryan more, cause of the wedding and parties and all. And if Spencer moved in with them, it would be even more apparent that I would run into him. I wasn't sure what to say though. I could either make an ass of myself or say nothing at all. I was pretty certain there was no in between.

I gulped, cursing my bottle for being empty. Setting it down next to me, I turned to face Ryan. I wanted nothing more to reach out and touch him to get his attention. But, he did have a bottle in his hands, and as emotional as tonight has been, he might not be afraid to use it. "Three years. That's been a long time Ryan. And I, I just want to say I am sorry. And that I have missed you and thought about you more than I probably should have." Well, at least it was a start...

I smirked slightly, making one of those half laughs and shook my head, my eyes staying on my beer bottle. I couldn't possibly see this going anywhere good but to a fight or an argument or something and I certainly didn't want to ruin Alex and Spencer's night with a brawl or a shouting match on their back porch. They'd had seen enough of the two of us fighting threeo years ago when we broke up, when Brendon broke my heart. What did an apology amount to three years later? What did confessions of thinking about me accomplish now?

Closing my eyes, I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose. I wasn't sure I wanted to blow him off, but I wasn't sure I wanted to encourage him either. What do you say to your ex when they apologize? What do you say to them when they tell you they have missed you and think about you? What do you say when it was their choice you weren't in their life anymore anyway? I was coming up empty as for answers to my own questions.

I took another drink of the beer, realizing as I did that I finished it off and sighed as I placed it down on the floor beside me. "I'm not sure what you want me to say Brendon. Yeah, three years is a long time." My eyes flicked over toward him before back in front of me. "Three years is a very long time and a lot has changed. Some things haven't..." I shook my head and sighed, rubbing at my temples. This was awkward. He and I used to be able to talk about anything or talk about nothing and be fine. That was before he broke my heart though. I wasn't sure what to do with his confession though, tell him I was glad he missed me and thought about me more than he should have? I wasn't going to admit the same thing back to him though, I wasn't sure he deserved to know I'd thought about him or actually listened when Spence spoke about him. I wasn't going to admit it, I tried not to let myself even care in all this time.

Sighing in defeat, I knew I would get that sort of response. It was slightly typical Ryan, and something that made me miss him even more sitting right in front of me. It almost felt like deja vu, like I had this exact conversations with him once before. I knew I had, it haunted my dreams about once a week. Each time, it ended like this. Nothing was resolved, and I wasn't sure if anything ever got fixed. Or even if I wanted it to.

"I don't know what I want you to say either Ryan. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry. And I know that doesn't change anything and I know you have every right to just get up and walk away from me right now. But, I'll be honest. It is so good to see you right now. And Ryan, you look good. Really good. I don't know if it was the years away from you, the fact that you have grown more into yourself or what, but you look like a billion bucks. And I am not just saying that."

I wished again for more beer, but realized that it wouldn't really help the situation, but at least it would have kept me occupied. It's true that you never forget your first love. I was lucky enough to have the most amazing first love ever. And I ruined it, because some guy told me that it needed to experience life. Had I not listened to him and stayed in Vegas, that might be Ryan and I in there right now.

Sure Brendon, not helping the situation. I bit my lip, twisting my fingers as my stomach did the same in knots. I just wanted everything to be ok with me and Ryan again, and I didn't know how to accomplish that. I think it was almost impossible considering I don't know how I would even react if the tables were reversed.

I sighed and dropped my head down into my hands, rubbing at my eyes a little bit. "Thanks..." I still hadn't really looked at him. I mean, here he was, my ex, and a part of me wanted him to be there and wanted to talk to him and wanted him to talk to me. That was the part of me that still wasn't entirely over him. But there was also that part of me that said I should go off and get away from him and not let him back in and not let him affect me or shake up the life that I had. Honestly my life was pretty damn good, even if I was alone again.

Chewing on my lip, I looked at the chair bottom between my legs. "So where's your boyfriend? Why isn't he here and with you to celebrate your best friend's graduation? Isn't that usually what boyfriends do, go with their boyfriend to big events and family and friend gatherings and stand around and pretend that they know people there and that they're a part of it all?" It was a bit callous to say it the way I did, but I couldn't stop myself. Justin and I had been together for about the past year and then things just fell apart, he was the first real boyfriend I'd had since Brendon had broken up with me and although it hurt when we fell apart it didn't feel the same way it had when Brendon had ended it.

I shifted my attention back to the stars in the sky. I hadn't taken a lot of time to look at the stars lately, they reminded me of being with Brendon and all the times we'd spent under them, just looking at them or having sex beneath them. Sex, that was another whole topic. Alex and Spencer, for not living less then four hours from each other, had a very healthy sex life, it was kinda annoying sometimes knowing their sex life was better than mine. Then again, Spence got to have sex with Alex, that'd make their sex life better than most anyway.

I shook my head, trying to break my train of thought and sought out my favorite constellations, only finding a few of them though since part of the sky was obscured by the house and trees and things. I heard music kick on inside and I wondered if Alex and Spence were wondering were we were. We...that felt odd to think.

I wanted to laugh at his question. Like I was in a relationship. I wanted to tell him that no, it was almost impossible to find anyone out there remotely as amazing as he was. But, I couldn't. What would that say about me? That I fucked up so royally and it took three years and an engagement to finally confess to it. I leaned back in my chair, turning my attention away from Ryan.

Placing my hands on my stomach, I took a deep breath. "Yea, no, no relationship." Reaching up to scratch my head, I sighed. "No person standing by my side, acting like they know me or anyone else for that matter. New York guys just aren't the same as Vegas ones." Glancing over at him out of the corner of my eye, I continued. "What about you? I mean, I heard you were dating someone from, um, Spencer." Not that I asked him about you often or anything...

So this was the way we were going about it. It felt weird, almost scripted. Almost like a badly written teen drama played by two 20 something actors. But I was wondering. Spencer did mention him dating a guy. Where was he? Could he not make the trip to Vegas? In a way, I hoped Ryan was happy, because, he too needed happiness, but somewhere deep down, something that had risen more and more since I first laid eyes on him tonight, I found myself hoping that he was single. Hoping that he needed someone just like I did.

Maybe even deep down, I hoped that someone was me. But I knew I had already fucked that one up. He had to have moved on. It had been years. He was in LA. Why did I have to keep telling myself this?

"Spence must not be as up on my life as I thought he was..." I bit my lip and sighed, shaking my head. "Justin and I haven't been together or a little while now...couple months I think, actually. So no, no one here to get me a drink when awkward moments with people I barely know come up...he's probably in bed with someone new back in LA right about now, actually..." It was probably true too. Last I'd heard about him he had been trying to get involved with someone new.

I shrugged again to myself and shifted around, moving the seat back of the chair so it was laying back more. My neck was hurting from looking up and I figured if the chair could do the work for me then it would save me from having a sore neck the entire time I was home. It wasn't like I'd be able to beg a massage from Alex or Spence because I was sure they'd be keeping their hands for each other from that night forward. And I didn't have really any friends in Vegas anymore, everyone in my life, with the exception of my family, was in LA. I was thinking maybe I should have tried to get Pete to come home with me, he'd at least keep me amused, although I didn't trust him in the same state as Brendon. When Brendon broke my heart Pete had been ape shit. He had wanted to find my ex and rip him to shreds, instead he helped nurse me through it with the help of Alex and a bunch of other mutual friends.

"I had forgotten how much I liked Vegas...it's different than LA...but oddly, in some ways, still home." I pulled my legs up a little. Since it was night, the sun was down, and the desert was getting chilly. I'd pretty much dressed for it, I had a hoodie on and jeans, but my body was accustomed to the LA heat with a hoodie, not the Vegas chill, I was getting cold and I didn't have a blanket to curl up in. I wasn't going to show my weakness though and leave, even if I wanted to, it'd probably give Brendon satisfaction over me again like I was sure he'd gotten when he watched my heart break in front of his eyes. There were times when I was still bitter over it all. And there were still other times I wanted to go back in time to when life was 'perfect.'

I watched him. If the environment would have been different, I would have looked like a stalker. I couldn't take my eyes off him though. And as much as I wanted him to be single like me, my heart sank a little when he confirmed that he was. My brain scrambled again for things to say. Sure, we could sit out here in complete silence, but I had imagined this moment so many times in my head, that now that it was here, I was so lost.

I half expected Ryan to hit, or throw something at me. I even thought he would simply ignore me like he did earlier. But the one thing I imagined that had yet to happen was him looking at me. He was avoiding my eyes for some reason and I didn't know why. It made me slightly uncomfortable, and wanting nothing more that to crawl into the chair with him and force him to look at me.

Wondering what would happen if I did so, I explored what he said about Vegas. "Yea, I know what you mean. Vegas will always be home no matter how far or long you are away. No matter what, there will always be a piece of you here." The idea of it made me completely uneasy. It made me wonder that I may never escape Vegas, that maybe I was destine to be here forever.

Gulping, I sat up, not even hiding the fact that I was staring at Ryan now. "Ryan. Would you at least look at me?" I asked, almost in a whisper, but knowing he heard me. I knew I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. I knew not looking at him was being rude, and I knew I wasn't raised that way, but I found it so hard to just simply look at him. It was Brendon, the boy who stole my heart, kept it for a year, then ground it to pieces beneath his heal. It was Brendon, the boy I truly loved, even long after he'd made it clear we were over and done. It was Brendon, my best friend's fiancee's best friend, I'd never be completely rid of him from my life no matter what. As long as Alex stayed part of my life, and Spencer a part of his, Brendon would be a part of my life also.

Sighing, I turned my head and looked at him, not really meeting his eyes, but focusing just slightly below them. I didn't want to allow myself to really get lost in whatever could possibly still exist of the Brendon I'd loved. I'd worked a long time and slept with a lot of guys to get him from under my skin and out of my heart. Him being there right now and me feeling the way that I was, I didn't think I'd ever actually succeeded in ridding myself of him and at least some of the feelings I'd had for him.

"Why? Why does it matter now if I look at you or not?" My eyes dropped and I actually looked at him without meeting his eyes. He'd changed some, but not enough to take away all that was really him. He'd grown up, matured in features, grown into his body more and obviously he'd grown more into who he was. Three years of college and walking into the real life alone tended to do that to people and it had certainly done that for him. But underneath any of the surface changes he was still Brendon and I felt the realization tug at my heart a little. I wished, in that moment, that I wasn't so vulnerable to emotion and feeling and that my heart wouldn't succumb to the tug. I tried to tell myself that he broke my heart and all was said and done, over and finished. But my heart still hurt every time his name was mentioned and I just couldn't help it.

My heart skipped a beat. At least he looked at me. Not in the eye, but in the general direction, so that was a good thing, right? I knew I was the one who fucked this up, I knew that I was the one who had to do something to make it right. I knew I drug Ryan through the mud. I just didn't know how to fix it. Part of me was thinking back to our various fights, when I would simply kiss him to make him shut up. I wasn't sure that would work right now.

But it was worth a shot, yes? What was the worst that would happen? I could have a black eye for my interview next week...

"Ry..." I started, flinching slightly at the name. It had been so long since I said it. For years, he had been Ryan. "I wanted you to look at me, because this would be easier to say it to your face and not your profile. To know that maybe you really are listening to me. And not just humming a FOB song or something to drown me out. Grant it you still won't look me in the eye..." As I said so, his face turned more away from me. I sighed and laid back down on the chair.

Fuck was all I thought. Leave it to me to say something to piss him off. I couldn't just sit here, I wasn't going to allow myself to do that. I had to do something, anything. Taking a deep breath, I stood up. Not even taking his thoughts or action into consideration, I straddled the chair he was in and pulled him up by his upper arms. Once he was standing and looking at me completely shocked, I didn't even pause to celebrate the fact we made eye contact when I threw my arms around him. One hand in his hair, the other pulling him tight around the waist, my lips pressed against his.

He fought and struggled against me, trying to push me away, but I had the upper advantage. After a small whimper of defeat, I felt his arms rest on my hips, and his bottom lip suck on my own. It may not have been the answer. But there was no doubt that this was the best I had felt in years.

more

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 18:56:39 GMT

Being kissed by Brendon was certainly not what I'd expected to happen in my visit to my past. Then again it seemed the night was one for surprises, starting with Alex's proposal and ending with a kiss from my ex? Or was the kiss not going to be the last of the surprises? I wasn't sure but even fighting back against Brendon didn't get me anywhere. He had a firm grip on me and there was nothing left to do but just go with it and kiss him back.

I felt kind of awkward. I didn't know what to do with my hands and my arms. I didn't know if I should touch him. Kissing him was weird enough after three years, but the rest of it just was a bit much for my mind to handle. Eventually I gave in and just let my hands rest wherever felt the most natural and I gave in and just let him kiss me, kissing him back too.

It was still kissing Brendon, but he'd changed some. I figured that had to come with having experience with different people besides me. His kissing technique was different, but I could still vaguely get the same feeling as when he and I had first started kissing so long ago.

My eyes slid closed and I started to lose myself in the feelings of it. It had been a while since I'd been kissed and held by anyone but Alex. Justin and I had pretty much stopped the little things a bit before we'd broken up, so to feel someone touching me and holding onto me and kissing me was a rather intense sensation and my heart and body ached for it. I'd neglected myself since I'd become single again, I hadn't tried to find anyone new, I'd been lonely and I could feel just how lonely I'd been as I gave in completely to Brendon, my arms finding their way around him and forgetting that it was my ex who hurt me but focusing on just how fucking good it felt to be kissed.

I moved closer to him, deepening the kiss and pressing my body flush against his. The fucking chair between our legs was an awkward obstacle, causing our legs to be spread apart and not allowing for easy maneuverability. I wanted to rub myself against him, I was starting to get horny and my cock wanted a little friction from where it was starting to strain inside my skintight jeans. I groaned in frustration against Brendon's lips.

My heart was pounding from the kiss and the nerves. I never expected Ryan to fall into this. I planned on being on my ass right now, shoved hard away from him. That only said one thing, that he needed this as much as I did. Although, I wasn't even sure if it were possible to want it that badly. This was Ryan, my first everything. Being with him made me feel young again, let alone horny as fuck.

Circling my arms around his waist, I pulled him into me, together we balanced ourselves, our main pivotal point was our crotches. Not that I would ever complain about that, considering we were pressed against each other. It soon became evident to me that Ryan was just as much into this as I was. Our kiss was broken when something from inside crashed, almost like broken glass. I pulled back, looking at him. His flush cheeks, messed hair and full, red lips. I knew if I stopped right now, it may end completely. I wanted anything but that.

"Fuck, not here." I looked over his shoulder into the kitchen window before taking his hand. It was hard to walk from the shaking of my legs after straddling the chair, and the hardon pressed against my jeans. Somehow I managed to get him inside, slipping right past the garage door and fumbling into the basement. Once we were in, I closed the door, locking it and feeling for the light as I attached myself to Ryan's lips again.

The taste of his tongue inside my mouth was something I had never forgotten. Along with Vegas, somewhere, this felt like home too. Flipping the switch, I leaned back, grabbing his hand to pull him down the stairs, all but throwing him on the couch once we were in reach. I took no time in removing my shirt and crawling on top of him. This was going to happen, I was going to make damn sure of it.

I groaned as Brendon threw me down onto the couch and got on top of me. My hands fell to his hips as he started to kiss me again, and again I just let myself fall into it and just let myself get swept away. I whimpered against his lips because the feeling of his body on mine was almost too much for me to handle, it was perfect the way his body pressed me down and into the couch. I couldn't remember the last time I needed to be touched and kissed and fucked like I did in that moment right then. My body pretty much took over and ignored anything and everything else except what it wanted and what it wanted to feel.

My arms made their way around him again and I pulled his body down harder and tighter against mine. I was on autopilot and there was nothing that was going to stop me from getting what I wanted and needed, not even my head that was damn near chanting 'ex...ex...ex...ex...ex.'

Moaning into Brendon's mouth, I kissed him back as hard and as deep as I possibly could. He needed to know just how much I needed and demanded it and how he was going to give me what I wanted, I wasn't going to let him off the hook. I needed hands on me. I needed a mouth on mine. I needed skin against mine. I needed cock inside me. I needed sex. Messy, dirty, sloppy sex was what I needed.

I bit at his lower lip as my fingertips dug into his lower back. My legs spread beneath him, one leg shifting up to be bent and allowing him to fall more between them. I wanted friction, I wanted feeling, the cloths between our bodies were just annoying constriction and barriers. I was pretty much ready to just tear them off so they weren't in the way anymore. I arched up against him, my shirt riding up a bit and I groaned at the feeling of my stomach rubbing against his.

Fuck. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Inhaling Ryan. I almost choked, Normally I would close my eyes and pray and wish and imagine it was him, but this... This was him. It seemed so surreal. But it was real, it was happening. Ryan was actually underneath me right now. Just that thought made something spark inside me. It made something come alive.

Clawing at his ribs, I ran my fingers under his shirt, pulling it over his head while kissing my way all over his skin. I noted his clean, toned torso. No marks or scratches or bruises from a recent fling. The thought forced a smile to spread across my face as I drove my hips into his. Grinding against him for a few moments, I tried to clear my thoughts, tried to focus on what I was doing. It had been so long since I felt this good.

I reached between us, not wanting to waste any time. I knew if I did, this may all be over. My head told me that pausing would end this before it even began. I wasted no time as I sat back and yanked at his pants, not even worrying about the buttons or zipper, but pulling them down with the belt loop across Ryan's hips.

Those hips... My heart pounded as I took a moment to stare. I got less than a moment since Ryan's groan interrupted me. Going back to rid his pants and do the same with my own, I found myself falling back between his legs, his cock pressed hard against mine. Capturing his lips, I moved my hips against his, savoring the heat. His heat. His smell and his noises. Him.

"You." I choked, sucking on his jaw. "Condom? Lube?" Fuck, why hadn't I come prepared? Why would he come prepared? Panicking, I remember Spence telling me about the time he and Alex did it on the washer and dryer. Biting my lip, I held up my finger, stroking myself as I climbed off Ryan, hoping that Spencer was predictable. BINGO! In his drum case, next to his kit was what I was looking for.

I bit my lip when Brendon climbed off of me and went looking in the stuff in front of us. My heart was racing in my chest and I was breathing heavily as I watched him. Condom? Lube? I hadn't brought anything with me to Spence's party. I hadn't expected to stay very long at the party anyway, but I certainly hadn't expected to end up having sex with anyone at it where I'd need anything. I certainly hadn't expected to end up making out and having sex with my ex.

I watched him come up triumphant and I felt something stir in my stomach at the sight of him holding them and making his way back toward me. I wanted, rather needed, to have sex, I needed to be fucked. But when he pulled away there was a nagging feeling in my stomach.

Chewing on my lip, I watched him almost apprehensively as he came back to the couch and to me. My body was still begging for it but my mind was questioning it and doubting it and starting to tell me that I needed to get the hell out of there before I got myself in more trouble than I could handle. Out of everyone, he was the last I'd think to even talk to let alone kiss and make out with or have sex with. Sex. Sex with my ex boyfriend.

My mind shut off again when he climbed back onto the couch with me, pressing down on top of me kissing me again. I kissed him back, hesitantly at first until my body took over and shut out my mind. I was left with nothing more than just the want and desire to have a body with mine, intwined with mine and inside. I gripped onto him and pressed up into him, my forehead furrowing some as my fingers pressed hard enough to bruise.

I took no time in spreading his legs once my fingers were lubed from the walk over. To me, having to hunt for the shit was wasting precious time that I was with Ryan, and that was the last thing I needed. I already noticed him wearing at his lip. I could tell from his body language that he needed this. I felt the same. This had to mean something. Every other time we fought, we fucked to make up. Maybe this could be the beginning.

Continuing to stretch him, my thoughts were broken as I felt him pushing back against me. I looked down to see him fucking my fingers. it was almost as if we had erased time, three years ago. Reaching for the condom, I ripped it open and placed it on me, snapping at the base as I wiped my hand on the back of the couch. I lined up and slid into him as if nothing had changed, and I was 18 again.

The way we worked together was undeniable. His body moved below me, knowing exactly what to do. I closed my eyes as I leaned down, sucking on his collarbone. If I breathed just right, nothing had changed between us. I didn't mess up. We were still together.

But we weren't. Something was missing. Sure, it felt amazing and right on. But, he wasn't all there. I could tell. That was what afterwards was for right? When we could talk... Right now, I had to make him realize what he was missing. What I was missing. I had to show him how sorry I am. That was why we were doing this. It had to be...

Again, I was awoken from my thoughts as Ryan scraped his fingers down my back, wrapping his legs around me and pushing me in further. Just like I remembered and would never forget.

I moaned when he pushed inside of me, it felt so unreal after not being with anyone for a while. The last guy I'd slept with had been Justin, and since I didn't have him in my life anymore I hadn't even let Pete get that close to me, and that was surprising because when it wasn't Alex in LA, it was Pete. So having someone inside me again, it sent my senses on overload.

I reached up and gripped into my own hair with one hand, the other gripped the edge of the couch as my body moved in against his, pressing into his, meeting his thrusts and returning them with some of my own. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth, gripping at it with my teeth as I continue to move my hips up and against his, pressing into him, thrusting back against him. The pleasure was building up inside me, there was a tingling at the base of my spine.

I tossed my head to the side, groaning in pleasure and frustration as my back arched again and again and again, thrusting, pushing, pulling and thrusting again. My breathing got heavier, more erratic, more strained, more full and labored. Stars pulsed behind my eyes. My fingers tingled, my toes tingled, my legs tightened around his body. I pressed my head back hard into the couch, full out moaning, thankful the party was still in full swing above us so no one would hear.

My hand moved from the couch cushion up to his arm, my fingertips pressed hard into the skin and muscle. Not that I was really thinking of it, but my fingers were sure to leave marks and bruises on his skin with how hard I was holding onto his arm.

My body contracted around him, pulling him deeper, holding him, pushing him out. Over and over again my body responded until I could barely feel my fingers and toes, barely see anything but stars and white behind my eyes and my breathing was more labored than I ever remember it being.

I paused, not that he even noticed as his body went to work on me. It sounded weird, but that was what it was. He took control, even under me. I stopped for almost a minute just watching him. Feeling him, seeing the way his body was moving with mine. This was sex. This was fucking. This was what I hadn't had with all the boys in between.

Gripping onto his hips, my fingers moved onto his ass, bringing him to meet me. Pulling at his left leg, I threw it over my shoulder, followed by his right as I knelt on the couch, one leg on the ground for balance the other smashing the cushion of the couch which was rocking below us. This wasn't Ryan/Brendon sex. There weren't light touches and stolen kisses. But, at the moment, it didn't matter. I had not been this energized in years.

His ass slapped against my hips as our pace began to pick up, adjusting to the new position. The air was full of sex. I was almost suffocating in it. Still, deep down, all I could think was 'this was Ryan'. The person I couldn't get out of my head when I slept with other guys. The only person who had ever been inside me. The only person I was ever able to come inside.

Panic spread across my face, leaving a crimson blush on my cheeks and down my neck. What if I couldn't do it today? What if I went back to my ways of pulling out and coming all over the person below me? What would Ryan do? What would he say? Would he even notice? Gripping his legs harder, I reached down, grabbing his cock stroking him. My thumb pressed against his tip collecting precome, then bringing it to my lips to taste.

My breath hitched in my throat when his hand closed around me and started stroking me. I knew I was nearing the end of the time I could hold on. I couldn't help it. After essentially being celibate since Justin and I broke up I just couldn't handle going for too much longer. It was all so much, and the change in angle...I shifted my hips to meet the thrusts, pressing back into them.

My toes started to curl and my heels pressed into his back as I moved into his thrusts. My head angled back more into the couch, my throat being completely bared as I tried to breathe as normally as possible. I bit down onto my lip, biting into it hard, trying to hold back my moans and gasps and groans, but not exactly succeeding.

I dropped my lip from my teeth, taking a gasping breath of air. "Oh...god...fuck..."

I pressed my lips together, tossing my head to the side and moving my hips back and into him, pressing against him hard, my body almost convulsing around him. The tingling sensation rushed from my fingers and toes into my spine and then back out. I was sweating and hot, but with the tingles came a shiver of cold. It was sensations that shouldn't occur at the same time running throughout my body.

I bit my lip again, furrowed my eyebrows, squeezed my eyes shut as I pressed my head into the cushion beneath me. My hand moved from my hair to hold onto the back of the couch as an explosion of white went off behind my eyes, my hand gripped harder onto his arm, my heels dug into his back, my hips pressed fast to his and my body arched, causing me to release my lip from my mouth with a loud groan.

My heart raced as I thrust into him, watching him spill under me, feeling him squeeze around me. He looked the same. He still looked so fucking amazing when he came. His mouth, his eyes, his chest, everything, it was the snapshot I had filed in my memory. The image I saw each time right before I was able to come every time. When I closed my eyes to ignore the body beneath me, I would bite my tongue to control myself from his name slipping from it.

From instinct, I felt myself pulling out. But I looked down at Ryan and stopped. This wasn't a dream. This was Ryan. I had to keep repeating those statements in my head. I was allowed to finish inside him. I was allowed to give him everything I had. "Fuck Ry..." Slipped from my lips before I could stop it. I thrust harder into him, just needing to get off. Almost wanting to so I could see what would come next.

Turning my head to the side, I bit his leg, sucking on it trying to stay upright as I got lightheaded, everything in my body going straight to my cock. My cock that was deep inside Ryan. My mouth let go to groan a low moan of his name and I came hard inside him. Harder than I had in years. Harder then the last few times I was with Ryan.

I continued to rock inside him as I stilled my breathing, almost afraid to pull out and accept what would happen next. Letting one leg drop at a time, I moved beside him, my back wet, pressed against the couch. I couldn't move. I didn't even want to.

I kept my eyes closed as I lay there on the couch, trying to catch my breath as my body came down from the high of orgasm. I licked my lips and let out a long breath. The cool air of the basement washed over my exposed body as it stretched out on the couch and I felt a light shiver run through me after the heat and exertion of sex.

My breathing slowly began to regulate as I came back to normal. Being on a couch in someone's basement wasn't exactly the most comfortable place to have sex or recover from sex. Either way it was the best I had at the moment and at least it was better than the floor or a hard chair. I let myself relax as fully as possible, shifting where I was on the couch, adjusting myself to relax more fully.

I've always been known to fall asleep shortly after sex. Time certainly hadn't changed that as I felt the familiar fingers of sleep seep into my body and slowly pull me down. The sounds of the party above were a great background and were adequate as a lullaby to lull me to sleep. I had a fleeting thought as my mind started to drift that it would be nice to have a blanket and that I hoped no one would come downstairs and find me spread out, naked on the couch.

I watched Ryan settle into a deep sleep. Typical Ryan, he normally was out like a light after we had sex. Well, at least when the sex was good and we had no where we needed to go. It left me feeling happy and proud. Happy that he didn't leave or beat the shit out of me or something, and that he didn't tell me what a jerk I was. And proud that even after all this time, I was still able to satisfy him.

It's not that I didn't think about that. Wonder that if we were ever to get together, if I wouldn't please him anymore, like what he had after our breakup would have been so much better then what I could offer. Him being with me had to say something though. The Ryan I knew would not just fuck someone for the sake of being fucked. The Ryan I knew knew when to say no. And as far as I can remember, there was no hesitation at all.

Lightly tracing his features as he slept, I whispered to him, knowing he couldn't hear me. "I was stupid and wrong and I never stopped loving you." I guessed I was a coward, because I didn't tell him that before. Hell, we have a record for fucking when things were down or when things needed to change. Why stop now?

I listened to the party and the movement of people's feet as I rested my head on Ryan's shoulder. Humming lightly, I placed my hand on his stomach and yawned myself to sleep after pulling the blanket off the back of the couch over us.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I woke up to find myself still on the couch in Spencer's basement. I was still naked, but covered with a blanket. But what was worse was that I woke up to find Brendon pressed against me and what I'd done came crashing back to me. I swore softly under my breath and squeezed my eyes closed, pinching at the bridge of my nose as I tried to calm my heart that had suddenly gone erratic at the sight and feel of my ex-boyfriend's body against mine.

Taking a shaky breath, I extracted myself from beside him and glanced around the somewhat dark basement, spotting my clothing strewn around. There was no sound coming from upstairs and it was still, as far as I could tell, dark outside. To me, that meant that the party was long since over, everyone was in bed and it was still night. I could manage to get out of Spence's house and get home without anyone finding out what a stupid thing I'd done by sleeping with my ex.

I hastily pulled my clothes on and smoothed them almost self-consciously over my body. My mind was going a mile a minute, telling me how stupid I'd been and how much of an idiot I was. I kept telling myself that I had to have been drunk or something to have allowed that to have happened. I managed to finish getting my clothes on and raked my hand through my hair. Of all the people for me to have given into I had to allow him to be the one, I had to give in to the one person who took my heart, twisted it around, and shattered it beneath his foot. And there I was, allowing him to take a piece of me again. I couldn't believe I had been that stupid.

I barely glanced at his sleeping form on the couch as I made my way to the stairs. I felt dirty and used, I felt disgusting and most of all disgusted and disappointed in myself. I wanted to curl up with Alex and tell him what happened and have him help me figure out a way to get past it this time.

I walked up the stairs, pausing at the top before turning off the light, at least figuring I could be nice enough to allow him to sleep in the dark. I had to get out of there though, I couldn't allow myself to wake up in the morning with him beside me and him looking at me. I couldn't allow him to wake up beside me too. It was too much for me and I really couldn't handle it. I made my way out of the house and headed to my car, knowing Alex was probably with Spence and I was on my own. I went back to my parent's house, to my bed. Alone.

'I love you's don't last forever.

I woke up to the sound of water. Gasping, I sat up, looking around. "Spencer's basement." I mumbled as I heard footsteps across the kitchen above me. Sighing, I fell back onto the couch, closing my eyes. Then I smelled it. The scent I tried to remember/forget for so long. Ryan. Sitting up again, my head shot around looking for him. Noticing the condom wrapper on the ground, I froze, remembering last night.

He couldn't be too far away. Maybe that was him who just flushed the toilet. I found my cell, and checked the time. 7:30 am. He probably had to go to the bathroom and would be right back, right? Smiling at the thought, I laid my head back down, waiting for him. I jerked upright again, this time my cell read 9:10. He must have had somewhere to be, that was it. He had to get up early and he didn't want to wake me, so he left quietly. I was sure he would call me later.

Getting up, I put my clothes back on. I caught myself singing as I tied my shoes. Ryan was back in my life. Spencer and Alex were getting married. Ryan and I were going to help them out! I might get a job in LA. Sighing to myself, I got up and folded the blanket. Maybe Spencer was right, moving back here was a good idea.

Skipping up the stairs, I paused at the top. Things were going to be changing for the better. I could feel it. I may have made some mistakes in my time, and this one might have been the biggest, but my prayers were answered now that Ryan was back in my life. Now, there was no turning back.

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:08:13 GMT

Title:I'm bored.
Author: howido_fics
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon
Rating: R
Summary: How they met. And how they communicated.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these people. This is completely fictional.
Author's note:This is me bored, playing around with html codes.

Everyone always told me one day my prince would come. Some people even sang it to me. At the age of 24, I have yet to believe them. Sure, 24 was still young, but not so young when you're a virgin.

At first, when I was younger, I just made excuses as to why I never had a date. Before I knew I was gay (or told anyone for that matter) I simply said girls were stupid or catty. Even so, I was normally the one they would come to for advice...about other guys.

It didn't really bother me, I liked helping out my friends, but sometimes I wish I had what they had.

It was amazing how I could give out great love advice when I had never been in love. Weird though, these people knew that, and they kept coming back for more.

In my life, thus far, I have had two boyfriends. And only made out with two people. One of them not even being my boyfriend.

I never even thought of myself as unattractive. And I was nice. And funny. And smart, hell, people always tell me I am an awesome guy.

Women.

Girls tell me that.

They tell me how if I was straight we would be so perfect together.

Well, you know what, I'm not...so what now?

Yes, as I mentioned, I am a virgin, and don't even get me started on that. Nice to know when you meet someone at a club, then you don't put out for like a month, that they will dump you. Actually, he didn't even dump me, he was just never seen again. And I wasn't going to wait around or even go look for him.

It was his lose. Right?

Ha. For once I took my own advice. His lose. That's right.

I hated the nights when I was all alone. Especially the holidays.

I would sit around and feel sorry for myself. About how my family and friends all had someone, and I had no one. It was true, I did have no one. But it was also true that I had a job that paid the bills, a car to get me to that job, and a roof over my head as well as food on the table.

And as my father always said 'there are kids starving in Africa'. Ok, wait, maybe that was the nuns, I don't really remember.

Either way, that didn't make me feel less lonely.

Sometimes I would lie in bed, and my heart would just ache. Ache to be held. Ache to be touched. Ache to be loved. I knew it wasn't God punishing me for being gay. He couldn't be that mean, right?

Maybe people are right, I am just picky. But what is good in settling? I've never had a good experience when I've settled. And I don't want to be a whore like all the rest of the people I know. So they have someone in their bed at night. What about in the morning when all they have left are pubes and a makeup smudge?

Some of my friends tell me I should just get laid.

That me being a virgin is completely ridiculous, cause, seriously, I'm a guy and I like guys, so really, there is no waiting until the wedding night. But what's wrong with love and romance?

In the world of Myspace and Livejournal and rehab and fake british accents...sometimes I think there is no one else out there. That maybe I am the last one to feel this way.

Sometimes I think that I am way too old to be doing this. That I need to grow up and move on and let the next generation of scene queens and emo cutters take over.

But, I'm not ready for that yet.

I still like the attention I get here. The attention from people that I will never meet. The attention of people who need the same things that I need and have the same feelings I do. But never have the balls to say it.

(Post a Comment)

	bdenu 2008-01-20 11:08 pm UTC
	SWM seeking SWM LOL No really, all I have to say is ditto man, ditto. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	geeryro 2008-01-20 11:15 pm UTC
	lol thanks for laughing with me, i think (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bdenu 2008-01-20 11:22 pm UTC
	Totally! Totally laughing with you, I mean, I'm not trying to be a dick, cause like, I hear you, and I feel you. And it's like you read my mind... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	geeryro 2008-01-20 11:35 pm UTC
	ok, ok, you've redeemed yourself and thanks, I guess, I mean, i didn't really think i was alone in these thoughts (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bdenu 2008-01-20 11:48 pm UTC
	Yes, I am right there with you. And sometimes you do feel alone, you know? Maybe sometime we can discuss our sorrows more in depth :D (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	geeryro 2008-01-20 11:52 pm UTC
	not to sound desperate or like a creep, but i'd like that. look me up on aim semicharmedry i mean, if you want or something... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

<bdenuree signed on at 11:58 pm>
bdenuree: Hey, it's um, bdenu from lj.
semicharmedry: hey
bdenuree: Just for the record, you didn't sound like a creep.
semicharmedry: lol, that's good.
semicharmedry: i kinda figured if i did you wouldn't find me on here
bdenuree: Or, I could just be a freak and like that shit!
semicharmedry: lol, let's hope not
semicharmedry: you're not are you?
semicharmedry: huh?
bdenuree: Oh, sorry, my comp froze.
bdenuree: Am I a freak that likes being stalked? No, not so much. Is that bad?
semicharmedry: lol, you tell me...
bdenuree: No, I think that would be a plus.
semicharmedry: i agree
semicharmedry: so, tell me about yourself
bdenuree: What do you want to know?
semicharmedry: your name would be nice, lol
bdenuree: LOL, true. My name is Brendon.
bdenuree: And you are Ryan, right?
semicharmedry: um...yea...
bdenuree: Ok, sorry, didn't mean to freak you out, but I guess I could be considered a stalker.
semicharmedry: ....
bdenuree: Yea, I should explain.
semicharmedry: please do
bdenuree: No, it's just, I've been reading your lj for about a year, I guess you never noticed that I friended you.
bdenuree: I can see why not, considering you have about 100 friends.
bdenuree: But, I saw a post you made on a gay advice comm, and I've read your journal since.
semicharmedry: oh
bdenuree: I'm sorry.
semicharmedry: no need to apologize
semicharmedry: what made you comment now?
bdenuree: Honestly
semicharmedry: honesty is good
bdenuree: Yea, you had never wrote anything that I related to 100%.
semicharmedry: really, that one post?
bdenuree: Yea.
bdenuree: It was almost like you read my thoughts.
bdenuree: Or my personal journal.
bdenuree: Or even that I wrote it.
semicharmedry: wow
bdenuree: Yea, imagine what I thought when I read it. :P
semicharmedry: that bad huh?
bdenuree: I wouldn't consider it bad...
semicharmedry: being lonely?
bdenuree: Waiting for the right guy.
semicharmedry: oh
bdenuree: Yea. So Ryan, what is the right guy for you?
semicharmedry: i don't really know
semicharmedry: the thing is, he could be in my life right now, and i wouldnt even know
semicharmedry: i have no clue what i am looking for, really
semicharmedry: it's kind of sad
bdenuree: You are 24, right?
semicharmedry: yea
bdenuree: What's the rush?
semicharmedry: i dunno
semicharmedry: how old are you?
bdenuree: 23
semicharmedry: so young!
bdenuree: LOL
semicharmedry: lol
bdenuree: Only a year.
semicharmedry: let me ask you this then, are you dating someone?
bdenuree: No.
semicharmedry: why not?
bdenuree: I've yet to find someone who 'wow's me.
bdenuree: Guys here are a dime a dozen and all the same.
bdenuree: So typical and stereotypical.
bdenuree: They call it the city of sin, but I think it's all filth.
bdenuree: If I wanted to get laid, no problem, but sometimes I want more than that.
semicharmedry: the city of sin?
bdenuree: Out of all I wrote, that's what you comprehended?
semicharmedry: lol, n o
bdenuree: I was gonna say.
bdenuree: I thought I was bad.
semicharmedry: vegas?
bdenuree: Yea, unfortunately.
bdenuree: Born and raised, not by choice.
semicharmedry: me too actually
bdenuree: No way?
semicharmedry: oh, come on, you knew that
semicharmedry: you've been stalking me for over a year
bdenuree: LOL, no, really I didn't know.
bdenuree: That's cool though.
bdenuree: Weird, we could be neighbors and we didn't even know it.
semicharmedry: you're not my neighbor unless you have a different girl in your apartment every night...
bdenuree: Ooh, bad?
semicharmedry: lets just say, his head board is right next to my tv
bdenuree: Yikes. That's no fun.
bdenuree: Sounds like it could be hot though. I mean, considering...
semicharmedry: lol, sometimes it is
bdenuree: Sex is sex sometimes.
bdenuree: Just close your eyes and imagine...
semicharmedry: you said it
bdenuree: Wow. How did our discussion go from PG to porn?
semicharmedry: i dunno
semicharmedry: hmm
bdenuree: What's that?
semicharmedry: i just 'wow'ed you...
bdenuree: :) That you did Ryan, that you did.
semicharmedry: lol
bdenuree: I have to get going though, I have an early class in the morning.
semicharmedry: oh, ok
bdenuree: But, ok, this might sound forward.
semicharmedry: uh oh...
bdenuree: LOL, not like that.
bdenuree: Since we are in the same town and all, we can't be long distance from each other.
semicharmedry: or, we could get out of the cave and use a cell phone...
bdenuree: Oh, yea, that thing. LOL
semicharmedry: lol
semicharmedry: brendon, are you asking me for my phone number?
bdenuree: Maybe?
semicharmedry: yes or no?
bdenuree: Yes, Ryan, could I please have your phone number?
semicharmedry: will you call me or are you just being nice?
bdenuree: LOL, I'll call you.
bdenuree: I have an hour bus ride everyday.
bdenuree: I get bored.
semicharmedry: oh, so you're just using me?
bdenuree: Something like that. :P
semicharmedry: ok then, something im used to
bdenuree: Aww. We'll have to change that.
semicharmedry: how?
bdenuree: Give me your number and we'll discuss it tomorrow.
semicharmedry: pushy, i like it
bdenuree: LOL
semicharmedry: right, number it's 589-8419
bdenuree: Cool, I've now got you programmed.
bdenuree: Lucky me,
bdenuree: You're my friend on lj.
bdenuree: My buddy on AIM.
bdenuree: And now I got your number.
semicharmedry: lol
semicharmedry: lucky you!
bdenuree: Lucky you too, soon.
bdenuree: Talk to you tomorrow.
semicharmedry: yea, talk to you then
bdenuree: Night.
semicharmedry: night
<bdenuree signed off at 12:37 am>

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

1 new message
Brendon sent
22/01/08
Had fun talkin
2 u yest morn
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Brendon sent
22/01/08
& @ lunch
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Brendon sent
22/01/08
& specially
last night
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Ryan sent
22/01/08
Lol the same
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Brendon sent
22/01/08
Good 2 hear
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Ryan sent
22/01/08
Same 2nite?
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Brendon sent
22/01/08
U bet :D
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Ryan sent
22/01/08
Cant wait
~~ooooooooooo~~
1 new message
Brendon sent
22/01/08
Same

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

Hey.
Hey Ryan, I had to check my watch, this is early.
Yea, I just...
It's ok, no need to explain. What's up?
Nothing really.
Am I that irresistible?
Actually, yea, haha.
Well, duh! What are you into?
Nothing, just flipping through the channels, bored. What about you?
Oh, I see, now who's using who?
Haha.
No, I was about to make dinner, get some nutrients in for our phone call tonight.
Haha. yea, that would be smart.
Lord knows I need it.
Yea, considering you fell asleep on me the past four nights.
Not on you...
No, we aren't that lucky...
True.
So what's for dinner?
I think Mac and Cheese, with some fake bacon bits in them.
Nice. Haha.
I thought so.
I'm glad we are on the same calling provider.
Huh?
Verizon, we can talk for free.
Oh yea, if not, my phone bill would be higher than my rent.
Haha. Same here, I think.
So when is it that I get to see your place?
...Um, should we meet, um before I invite you over?
Haha, yea, I was just playing with you. So what are you wearing?
Bren...
Ooh, I like it when you call me that.
Shush you. You know how I am.
I thought you were joking, cause really, if we ever fucked?
Out like a light.
So no morning sex.
I dunno, I'm afraid to try.
So, you've never jerked off in the shower?
Yea, but I like to sleep in, so I shower at night.
What about morning wood?
It goes away.
Oh, you are so hardcore.
Haha. You know it!
And you call me a dork!
Yes, yes I do.
About that....
The fact that you are a dork?
No, when we are going to meet, we should have like a week after we met online or something. I mean, I feel like I already know you well enough.
True, I feel the same, but in what in two days?
You have any plans?
Um, yea, actually.
All day?
I dunno.
Look, if you don't want too...
No, no, gosh, it's not that. I'm just...
Scared, paranoid, me too, but I mean, we can do it in public or something...
True.
And we can bring someone as like a protector or something...
True.
But yea, if you don't want to.
Brendon, you know I want to meet you.
What are you doing Sunday then? I mean, really, that's the last thing we have, shit, I've talked to you more in the past week then I have my best friend in two months.
Haha, I think the same. He's getting kinda pissy, cause I don't switch over when I'm talking to you.
Great, he hates me already...
Ha, no, no worries. It's hard to get on his bad side, really.
Cool, can I meet him too?
Eventually.
That sounds promising. What are you doing Sunday?
Actually, that's why I was calling...
Yea?
Well, since you are in fashion and all, I was wondering if you could help me pick out a tux for an auction I have to go to for work.
You sly devil...you were planning on meeting me on Sunday weren't you?
Yea...
Then why the hard time, you dick? Haha.
Cause I can I guess.
Ooh, I can't wait to give you a noogie when I meet you!
Haha. You can try!
Oh, is that a dare?
Maybe...
But, yea, sure. I'll help. Um, where you going to get a tux?
I was thinking Skeffingtons or something, I am just renting it.
Oh, to rent, there is a great place in the Centre Mall. Do you know where that is?
Yea, like a half an hour drive.
Cool, we should go there!
Sounds good. Wanna meet at the food court or something?
Sure, um, I'll wear a purple hoodie.
Sounds great!
What about you? You comin' naked?
The best way to come isn't it?
Haha! NICE!
I thought so.
Shit, I can hear you grinning through the phone.
I know.
And now the blush.
Stop...
Aww, Ryan....
Brendon, I'm going to hang up now.
I'm just playing with you, you know.
I know, but for real, Jon is trying to call in, so I have to go, I think we're gonna go see Juno again.
GREAT movie!
I know, right, ok, I have to go.
Call me when you get home, you know, to say night.
It might be late.
It's ok, you're worth it.
OK. Will do, talk to you then.
Can't wait!

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

Ryan's POV
"No, look, just...go in there, he is wearing a purple hoodie." I pouted at Jon.

He sighed (his only sign of defeat). "Ok, but if this guy like, is a serial killer, I'm not coming back here to tell you. I'm getting the fuck out of here!"

I threw my arms around Jon. "I love you, you know that?"

Shrugging me off, he laughed. "Save it for Brendon."

Brendon's POV
"Seriously, why do I have to do your dirty work?" Spencer cocked his hip to the side.

"Cause!" I pleaded. "What if he is like a pedophile or something?"

Throwing his arms around, Spencer squeaked. "What? And I have pedophile repellant or something?"

"No, but you are so much smarter and stronger than me..."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, but thanks!" He grinned, flexing his arm.

"Right, but Spencer, seriously, you are like 5 minutes late, and Ryan knows that is not me, so he might think we are standing him up."

"Wait! Me? We? No Bren..."

I pouted. "Please, you remember how happy I have been the past few days? Remember that?"

His eyes narrowed. "Only because I know your mother would skin me alive if something would happen to you. You owe me big!" He turned, walking towards the food court.

Jon's POV
I scanned the crowd not seeing anyone in a purple hoodie. Looking at my phone, I was about to text Ryan when I saw a guy about our age walking around looking like he was searching for someone too. I stared him up and down. Yea, I guess he could be gay, not that I had gay-dar or anything, shit, I was friend's with Ryan for two years before I found out.

I took a chance, even though he wasn't wearing a purple hoodie. Strolling up to him, his eyes looked me up and down. Coughing, I smiled, "So, Brendon?"

Spencer's POV
So, this was Ryan. He's kind of cute. I mean, if I liked guys. The way Brendon talked about him though, I was picturing someone...more not so outgoing and smiley, I guess. Brendon said he was shy, but I guess not.

"Oh, um, no, sorry, Ryan, but." I pointed over my shoulder. "He kind of sent me over here, to like, scope out the situation, you know. But, like..." I fumbled with my words.

Jon's POV
I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. I realized that he might have thought I was laughing at him. Holding up my hands as I tried to calm down, I mumbled. "Nonononono."

Earning another weird look, I smiled. "No, actually, I'm Jon. Ryan's friend, who basically sent me out to do the same thing."

Spencer's POV
"Oh!" I laughed back.

"Yea." He shook his head.

I gestured to a chair. "Are you thinking what I am thinking? We should make them sweat it out?

He nodded. "I am also thinking you and I could be good friends!" He grinned, and I couldn't help but return it.

Ryan's POV
I bit my lip, looking at my phone and sighing. It had been fifteen minutes and suddenly panic rushed over me. What if he was a serial killer and he took Jon in the bathroom and was killing him? Or raping him? Or worse, making him wear purple hoodies?

Gulping, I glanced around for cops or something to indicate foul play. Pacing towards the food court, I sighed when I saw Jon sitting, but not with a purple hoodie, he must have forgotten. Standing on my tippy toes, I smiled, Brendon was pretty cute...

Brendon's POV
I couldn't just stand here. It had been too long, and no sign of Spencer or Ryan or both or even a phone call. I pushed off the wall I was leaning against and spotted Spencer, with a dark haired guy. Adjusting my hoodie, I stuffed my hands in my pocket and walked towards them.

Colliding with someone, I looked up to apologize, licking my lips, my breath catching in my throat.

"HEY RY!" Someone yelled, causing us to break eye contact.

Ryan's POV
"Sorry..." I shrugged to one of the most attractive guys I had ever met. Hell. I never knew someone could look so good in purple.

"Uh, Bren..." I heard from Jon's general direction.

Jerking back to face the person I just bumped into, we both stared at each other for a good minute, mouths agape and forgetting to breath. That is, until a smile spread across his face.

Yes, just like I pictured it.

Spencer's POV
I elbowed Jon and we both shook our heads. "I think they like each other." I whispered, snickering with my new friend.

He nodded back in agreement, grinning, then spoke. "So, you guys gonna stand there eye fucking each other for an hour or are you gonna come sit with us?"

Jon and I bust out laughing. Brendon and Ryan broke eye contact long enough to sit at our booth. "So." I began introductions. "Brendon this is Ryan and his friend's Jon. Ryan, this is Brendon and I'm his friend Spencer." I don't think they even cared or heard me, they were too busy smiling at one another.

Jon's POV
"I feel like they should be drinking a milk shake or something, sharing with two straws and what not..."

Spencer laughed. "Totally agree!"

We both earned a finger from our friends. Laughing again, I shrugged at Spencer. "So, while we're here, you wanna go look at some hats or gear for the game?"

Ryan looked at me. "The game?"

"Oh, so you are listening." I teased. "Yea, Spencer and I are taking our girlfriends to a basketball game tomorrow night."

"Oh." Was all Ryan and Brendon could say. Together. At the same time!

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

It's amazing now how I can sit back and reflect on how we met.

I know it's been a while LJ world, but you will be happy to know, that I have been busy falling in love.

The last time I posted on here, I was done with love and had almost given up. But the world would not let that happen to me. And more so, Brendon wouldn't.

It's now almost winter. Brendon moved in last week and things are going great. Better than I ever thought or planned. You guys, between you and me, I just want you to know that I have found the one.

I'm not saying this to rub it in, I am saying it to let you know that true love does exist and one day, you all will receive and achieve it.

Just don't give up.

I know it sucks, hell, I knew for 25 years what a suck it was. When you see other people around you in love, and you think, why not me? You see friends and enemies hooking up with people left and right and you wonder why you are stuck single.

Well, I do believe that everyone has a plan. And everyone is supposed to fall in love at different times.

With the world of cheating and divorce and random hookups, I've realized that it is better to wait then to be in the common statistic of 3 in 5 marriages end in divorce or 2 out of 3 men cheat.

So, don't settle.

Wait for it.

It's like Christmas morning, the best gifts are the surprises and the whole holiday season makes it worth the wait.

Sit back, enjoy yourself, drink the egg nog, go to the Masses and sing the Christmas carols at the top of your lungs...

You never know, your 'one' might be right next to you in the check out line.

All it might take is one little smile.

(Post a Comment)

	bdenu 2008-12-15 10:36 pm UTC
	Um, Ry, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be with me right now? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	geeryro 2008-12-15 10:41 pm UTC
	lol i'm coming, i'm coming (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	bdenu 2008-12-15 10:45 pm UTC
	Damn straight you will be! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

~~xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox~~

Ryan's POV
I shut down my computer and walked into our bedroom. Our bedroom. It sounded great! Smiling at Brendon, he tossed aside his sidekick, wiggling his fingers in a childish way to me. I laughed, removing my last piece of clothing before climbing into bed with him.

"That was really nice." He muttered against my forehead while enclosing his arms around my body.

"What?" I mumbled, sinking my head into his chest.

"What you wrote. It was nice."

I shrugged, tracing his ribs. "I just wanted to give a last fair well, I guess."

Laughing lightly, he played with my hair. "But you forgot to say goodbye."

"I figured they already knew and was actually hoping that they already had..." I simply stated, running my hands down his torso, my knuckles brushing his cock.

"Mmm." I could hear him smiling, which in turn pulled out a smile in me.

We didn't have sex right away, actually, he waited until I was 25 to take my virginity on the night of my birthday. Horrible and cliche as it sounds, hell, our whole relationship practically was, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I stroked him hard as he reached for the lube and stretched me. Placing pillows under his back and neck, we angled perfectly while fitting on the condom, we were in no rush as I sank onto his erection. We both let out the sighs we were holding and we kissed. My legs tight around his torso, knees pressing into the pillows, cock hard between us. His hands wrapping around my back, pulling me closer.

We laid like that. My nose rubbing at his ear, breath hitting his lobe and bouncing back.

When the heat and passion and tension got to hard to bare, I forced my lower half up and back down, angling right and continuing. Not once did we break eye contact, trying to control our breathing, trying to make it last, trying to savor every moment since there was no need to rush, we had the rest of our lives.

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 02:45:41 GMT

Title: The Bachelor UPDATE
Author: howido_fics
Pairing: Ryan/various
Rating: PG-13
Summary: One guy looking for true love from one of 16 men. Based off the TV show. UPDATES
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these people. This is completely fictional.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Mike: Welcome back! It's been, what, a week since we saw you last? -laughs over to Ryan and Brendon sitting closely on the couch, holding hands in Brendon's lap-
Brendon: No offense Ryan, but that was the longest week ever! -laughs-
Ryan: No, no, I totally agree! -smiles at Brendon, nuzzling his nose in his jaw-
Mike:So, I guess my first question goes to crap then...
Ryan:Which is?
Mike: Are you happy with your choice?
Ryan: Yes. -smiles at Brendon who pecks him on the nose-
Mike: Very well then, we did a good job.
Brendon: F@*&ing fabulous job. -holds mouth- Sorry.
Ryan: -shakes head and pats Brendon's leg-
Mike: -laughs- So what have you guys been up to?
Brendon: Oh, this past week?
Mike: -laughs- Or the 5 months since we taped this, but yes...
Ryan: -laughs- Well, we have been on a whirlwind, really. Thanks to you guys.
Brendon: I don't even know where my bed is!
Ryan: Yea you do! It's right down the hall!
Mike: Oh, wait. -raises brow- So are you guys living together?
Ryan & Brendon: NO!
Mike: Ok...
Ryan: There was a vacant apartment two doors down, and since Brendon is now working in a shop in Vegas, he needed a place to live, so he moved in.
Mike: Convenient...
Brendon: -wiggles brows- VERY!
Ryan: -elbows him-
Mike: -laughs- You've been busy, doing what?
Ryan: Well, considering this is live today, we've been out the past six weeks promoting the show, really. I mean, at first it was just me, cause we didn't want to give anything away, but like, this past week, we did Regis, the Today show, Brendon got to appear on SNL....
Brendon: MUUUUUUSICAL guest!!!!!!!
Ryan: -isn't even faced- Oprah, the View and we got to present an MTV Movie Award. Like, all in one week. It was hectic, and I'm so glad to be home!
Mike: I would say so!
Ryan: Yea, actually being on the show was easier than all of this. -laughs-
Brendon: Aww. -tisks and rubs Ryan's shoulders-
Mike: So everything else gone back to normal?
Ryan & Brendon: -look at each other and shrug-
Brendon: Yea, pretty much so. Although, I think I speak for the both of us when I say that we have been doing a lot more traveling in the past few months then ever. I mean, just to like, go and see the other guys and stuff.
Mike: I was just about to ask about them!
Ryan: -laughs- Yea, we kept in touch with most of them.
Mike: Well, I have updates on everyone so those who you didn't I can surely tell you what they are up to.
Ryan: -smiles- Cool.
Mike: So, who do you want to start with first?
Ryan: -looks to Brendon- I guess we could do the most recent?
Brendon: Sure!
Ryan: Yea. -grabs Brendon's hand- We actually saw Pete two nights ago, here in Vegas. He is playing the piano in the Simpson Sisters Vegas show. He got us free tickets and everything. It was pretty cool.
Brendon: -laughs- Even though he tried to get in your pants all night!
Ryan: -rolls eyes- He tried to get in everyone's pants all night.
Brendon: True. I felt sorry for Ashlee, I didn't think he could harass the singers, but I dunno, she seemed to like it.
Ryan: Yea she did.
Mike: -laughs- Ok, who else?
Ryan: Um, let's see. Oh, we saw Adam in NYC when we were there. He just happened to be at the Apple store when we went in. He's doing about the same, I guess. He was with some of his friends and maybe a brother, so he looked happy.
Brendon: Oh yea, and Travis and Gabe called us up once when they were in Vegas, just visiting. They were wasted and talking about pulling a Britney and getting married. I'm not sure if they did though...
Mike: -checks notes- As far as I can see, no they are not married, but have been hanging out together.
Brendon: I could see that.
Ryan: Yea.
Mike: Oh, and Will, they have gotten in contact with Will, and Will actually moved down to Atlanta.
Ryan: Really? Must be a lot of single guys down there.
Brendon: They are like the Three Amigos, Man. Three tall mofos, that's for sure!
Ryan: There were a lot of tall guys. -laughs- I got rid of them pretty quickly.
Brendon: Yea, so you could be the tallest!
Ryan: -shrugs to Mike- There isn't anything wrong with that! -blushes-
Mike: -laughs-
Brendon: -shakes head and kisses Ryan's cheek-
Mike: Let's see, who else, um, Matt, heard anything from him?
Ryan & Brendon: -shake heads-
Mike: He's still in Florida and is working on an album with a band now. -looks at a camera and winks- Check them out on myspace, they're called From First to Last.
Ryan: -laughs- Did he ask you to plug that?
Mike: No, but he's the lead singer, so I figured I might. Any one you want to know about?
Brendon: Yea, what happened to Jesse and John, I had to room with them, just those two when I first got here, and they didn't like me much... -pouts-
Mike: -laughs-
Ryan: -pats his hair down-
Mike: They actually, I'm not sure who moved where, but John is still in college and Jesse is working on a children's book, actually.
Brendon: I didn't know he had a nice bone in his body. -cringes and looks at camera- But good luck to you Jesse!
Mike: -nods- Um, let's see Patrick.
Brendon: OH! Patrick called me the other day!
Ryan: He did, when?
Brendon: You were in the shower.
Ryan: Um, why didn't you tell me?
Brendon: Cause, you. Came. Out. Naked. And I kindagotdistracted. -blushes WITH Ryan-
Mike: Aww, it's ok guys we are family here! But, did Patrick tell you about trying out for American Idol, and he made it to Hollywood, but they wouldn't let him go because of this show?
Ryan: -still blushing- That sucks, he should, he should get a record deal just from being on here and people hearing him sing.
Brendon: Ooh! Or he could move out to Vegas and be a lounge singer with Pete backing him up on bass!
Ryan: -raises brow-
Brendon: What?
Ryan: -shakes head, blinks and looks back at Mike- What about Jepha?
Brendon: OH! I like him, he was funny, and horny like 25 hours a day!
Mike: -laughs- Jepha actually went back home and met up with Quinn again, the guy with the cats, and they work together at the vet.
Brendon: Aww, young love!
Mike: Yep.
Ryan: Oh, yea! -rolls up sleeves- We went out to LA and met up with Zacky. He ended up doing some ink!
Mike: NICE!
Ryan: I know! Yea, Brendon got some too!
Brendon: -blushes and scratches his arm through the shirt- I, uh, really didn't want to, but like, Zacky's boyfriend Brian, was standing there, looking bored, and wouldn't take us out of his sight. So, I kinda suggested him giving me one so we were all four occupied at the same time.
Ryan: Brian is a really nice guy, really really nice. I mean, once he knew I wasn't there to mack on Zacky or anything. But, yea, they've stayed with me once when they visited Vegas, and I would have them back anytime they wanted too.
Mike: Cool.
Ryan: Yea.
Mike: So, you gonna show us your tattoo or not?
Brendon: -shakes head- Neh...
Ryan: I almost forgot! Jon and Spencer!
Mike: Yes, yes.
Brendon: Jon is like the coolest guy ever! -looks to Ryan- Well, apart from you...
Ryan: -laughs- We saw them at quite a few events too this week. It's been fun.
Brendon: Yea, we trashed a hotel in NYC together!
Ryan: We didn't trash it. We just left a mess of blanket and pillows. We pulled their mattresses in from their room into our suite and had a huge bed. It was fun.
Brendon: It didn't feel 100% right without the 100 mph winds though, you know.
Mike: -laughs- I still have nightmares about that.
Brendon: ME TOO! Oh! And Hannah, my dance partner called me about a month ago.
Ryan: Yea she did, but the caller ID didn't pick it up, and it's just this confused old lady. -laughs-
Brendon: So if you are out there Hannah, give me a call back!
Mike: -laughs- What about Frank?
Ryan: -smile fades and gulps- No.
Mike: He's doing good.
Ryan: Good, good, he deserves to be doing good.
Mike: Yes, he is a great guy. And actually, he is dating Mikey's brother.
Ryan: The art guy?
Mike: Yep. Mikey moved back to his family and was out one day with his brother and they ran into Frank at a play.
Ryan: Wow. What a small world!
Mike: I know. And apparently, they have an apartment together in DC. Gerard, Mikey's brother, got a job at a local paper drawing political cartoons.
Brendon: That's sweet.
Mike: Yes, it is, but he did want to wish you two the best when I got a hold of him. And said his place is always open if you want to visit the country's capitol.
Ryan: -looks at Brendon- That would be fun.
Brendon: -nods quickly-
Mike: Well, we're almost out of time, and that's everyone. So, tell me, Ryan, what was the worst part of the show?
Ryan: Um, wow.
Brendon: -looks at Ryan, mouthing Will-
Ryan: Oh, yea. I probably would have to say my date with Will. I really did like him. But, that was just a complete disappointment, you know?
Mike: Yea, he did screw that one up.
Ryan: But, that would mess up the Three Amigos right? Either way. -squeezes Brendon's knee- I am happy with my pick. And I don't think I could see it go another way, you know?
Brendon: I just wish you would have kept Pete around longer, just so he could annoy the crap out of you!
Ryan: -eyes get big- See, and you said Jepha was always horny!
Mike: -laughs- Ok, Ryan, what was your favorite part?
Ryan: There really were too many...
Mike: When did you know Brendon was the one?
Ryan: -smiles at Brendon and sighs- Wow, it still gives me goosebumps. -laughs nervously- But, um, when he caught that butterfly on me. I had never really, I dunno, I wouldn't say wasted my time... -looks over at Brendon and smiles- But, like, I would never have the patience for that. I mean, -shrugs, grabbing Brendon's hand- He was just so calm and peaceful and so different then what I had seen so far. And he wasn't afraid to be himself, I guess.
Brendon: -shrugs- Yea, well, I really didn't care that all the other guys made fun of me, cause, you know. -wiggles brows into camera and blows a kiss- Look who got the guy!
Ryan: -shakes head and elbows Brendon lightly in the ribs-
Mike: -laughs- He is right though if you think about it.
Ryan: Yea, I know, but still. He wonders why people make fun of him. -shakes head-
Brendon: -pouts-
Ryan: And then he does that, and how can you not like him?
Mike: I dunno...
Ryan: -laughs while swinging an arm around Brendon-
Mike: You know, I'm not a relationship counselor or anything, but I do think you two will do well together.
Ryan: -smiles at Brendon- I think so too.
Mike: We did a good job here picking two good people to come together.
Brendon: Yea, but like, more than two, cause, really, almost everyone who has been here, this show either got them someone from the show, or gave them the courage or boost to go back to someone at home, so like...you are what. -starts counting on his fingers-
Ryan: Bren, don't take off your shoes...
Brendon: -laughs- I don't think I need to go past 10... But, like, including me what, 8 for 16, that's pretty good.
Ryan: -deep in thought- Did you count the Three Amigos.
Brendon: -twists mouth and shakes head- Neh, I didn't really think...
Ryan: -bits lip- Yea, that's about it then.
Mike: -laughs- Well, that about sums up the show. Before we go. Brendon, any advice on a young lad trying to snatch a mate?
Brendon: Jelly beans man. And if they don't like them, they're not worth your time.
Mike: -laughs- OK, then, and Ryan, what are your predictions about the future of the first Gay Bachelor couple?
Ryan: -smiles at Brendon, lacing hands together, stares in his eyes- We are just taking it day by day. There's no rush. Just living life with what's in front of us.
Mike: Any final words?
Ryan: Thanks. -gets up and gives Mike a hug-
Brendon: -hops up and joins him, as well as other members of the crew-
Mike: Brendon? -asks in the middle of the hug-
Brendon: -clicks tongue- Ditto. -pulls Ryan into a kiss as the other people slowly walk away.

As the credits roll

Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park plays, showing a slideshow of pics that Ryan took with his camera, ending with recent ones of Brendon and Ryan at various events.

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 21:42:27 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (55/60)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan Spencer/Alex
Rating: R
Summary: Still in LA.
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

"Dude, I was so fucking fine with the $1000 and then the $500. And I'll be honest. I peed a little when I got the fucking $10,000! SHIT! I was so glad I wore black shorts, cause seriously, I was wet." We all laughed at Spencer as the waitress brought us our appetizers. Our morning was more than eventful. Alex got us all tickets to go see a taping of The Price Is Right. Hell, we were just going for fun and the experience, but shit if Spencer didn't make it up on stage.

I took a drink, then rubbed my hands on my legs, "I was just fucking surprised you were even called up there, I mean." Biting into a mozzarella stick, I opened my mouth, letting some steam out, "Fuuu." I waved my hand in front of my mouth. "Hot! Hot!" Spencer handed me my water laughing. Once I swallowed, I shook my head. "Shit, that's hot." My eyes got huge as I shrugged. "But no, shit. When they called your name...I was like SWEET MOTHER! I hope they edit well, because if the camera was on us, I think I let out a shit ton of obscenities."

Spencer grinned from ear to ear. No, I take that back, he fucking glowed. "I know! I about had a heart attack. I mean, just the thought of being there was enough. And then all the idiots when I got up there over bid the second time. My gram would have killed me if I didn't guess a dollar. Cause, seriously." He reached for a wing and set it on his plate, licking his fingers. "What DVD/TV combo and ten DVDs cost over $700? People would be fucking crazy to buy that shit!"

I laughed and laid my head down on Alex's shoulder. We were sitting across from Brendon and Spencer in the booth and it was adorable and hilarious watching the two of them. It was true though, all of it, we were all in shock when he was called up to the front row. We were in even more awe when he actually made it up onto the stage, and then his luck getting to play Plinko! I think we pretty much lost it when he hit the $1,000 and the $500, he'd never really had a lot of money according to Brendon, so that was amazing, but when he hit the $10,000 I think we had small heart attacks but we were so happy for him at the same time.

"So, Spence, what're your big plans for all the money you just won today? I mean, eleven thousand dollars is a big chunk of cash. A new car? New drum kit? Shopping spree? What’s it going to be?" I grinned and sipped my diet coke. I was tired, no, tired wasn't even the right word, I was exhausted. We were out so late after the concert the night before and I didn't get all that much sleep before we had to be up and at the game show for eleven. I don't think we actually got in from the after party till about four in the morning, maybe later. Either way it was a late night and I couldn't sleep, I was too wound up.

Alex slid his arm around my shoulders and grinned. "Maybe treating us to dinner? Or our own shopping spree?"

I laughed and slapped Alex gently. "Shut it, Lex, he's got the cash, let him use it for himself, not us. Its not like we need his money for anything." I looked over at Spence and smiled. "Don't worry, I won't let him use you for your money."

We all laughed as Spencer shrugged. "When I talked to my mom, she told me to put it in savings. I earned enough money this summer already to cover tuition that my scholarship didn't handle, so I'm not sure. But, yes." He smiled at Alex. "Dinner is on me, so eat up boys!" He winked biting into a wing after dipping it in blue cheese dressing.

I watched Spencer and Alex eat then glanced up at Ryan. "You as wore out as I am?" I asked, leaning on my arm for support.

"Well, if you guys hadn't drank more alcohol then the whole party put together..." I flipped him off then reached across the table to take Ryan's hand. My thumb rubbed across his knuckles while I smiled at him. "I am going to save the money though. Right now, a drum kit would be awesome, but I was talking to Andy, and he said the one I have now is better than the one he had when they started touring, so I don't want to get a head of myself, plus, I would buy it and never get to play it..."

"So shopping spree it is!" I joked, letting go of Ryan's hands to make a lettuce wrap.

Spencer laughed, "I do want to get you guys something." He smiled at Ryan and Alex. "You at least deserve that. I mean, you two have been awesome this summer. I have never had so much fun or hospitality or anything. I thought I was set with the friends I surrounded myself with. Shit, I even thought they were excellent friends. And well, they are, but compared to you guys, they are freakin' minnows or something. Seriously though." He set down his drink, wiped his fingers on the napkin. "Whatever you guys want, I mean, if it's a new outfit or like 20 cds or even a helicopter ride over the city, I want to thank you guys somehow, cause honestly, you three are the best friends anyone could ever ask for."

I looked over at Spence and shook my head. "Spence, you don't need to get us anything. Seriously, we're happy to be your friends and all, and if you insist we're going to have you buy us like a candy bar or something. I really don't feel like you owe us anything or should buy us anything. It's your money, you should spend it on stuff you want and need, and save the rest of it for next year."

Alex ruffled my hair a little as I took a sip of my drink. "Our little thinker...although he does have a point..." I looked up at him as he looked at Spencer. "You could save it for next summer so you could live here in LA for the summer." 
I looked up at that and nodded as I caught Alex's eye. We had talked about it seriously after being there for the summer (well, half the summer for me) and decided that it was what we wanted. After the conversation with Pete the night before (which I was surprised I remembered) I had pretty much decided that I was doing it for sure, if not as an intern I was pretty sure they'd hire me for the summer, I could live at Pete's and it would go well, I was sure of it, so that was my new plan although I hadn't told anyone, it was really only a decision I'd made over night while I wasn't able to sleep.

Looking back at Spence, I nodded. "You should save as much as you can so you can. I um..." I glanced at Brendon before back to Spence. "I'm going to either try for another internship next summer, or, if they don't accept me for that I'm going to see if they'll hire me for the summer. I have a place to live if I need it and connections if I need to use them, so I think next summer I'll be back here." I could see Alex nodding along as I talked, I was pretty sure he had the same plan even though we'd never discussed it. "It would be awesome if you could be here too...although if it doesn't fit into your life and plans and all I'd understand."

"See? We'll be here, you should be here too. Just think of all the shows and all the bands you'd get to rub elbows with because of us." He grinned at Spencer and I chuckled softly as I rested against my best friend again. I was tired, but I was having fun, and I loved that we were out with the guys but I knew the week would be over soon enough and we'd be back to Vegas. Alex played with a lock of my hair as he paid attention to other things and I knew I would fall asleep if he kept at it. "Bren, you should see if you can find something here too. Could you imagine all four of us living and working in LA for the summer? That'd be amazing!" I chuckled and nodded a little to show I was paying attention.

Spencer shrugged, "I don’t know, sounds more like your dream to me. And I'm going to save the money, like at least ten thousand of it, but shit, we are in LA, I'm sure we could find some place to shop and have fun with a little over a thousand dollars. Plus, I didn't tell my mom the whole amount I won, she can just find out when she watches and I'll be like, 'Oops, that went to gas and food in LA.' No big deal."

I laughed, "You know your mom is going to catch onto you one day!" Looking across the restaurant, I smiled as the waitress made her way over with our main courses. After she gave them to the right owners, I took off my shoe and slid my leg up Ryan's, just rubbing lightly while I cut up the lettuce in my salad. "I um." I glanced up at Ryan then to Alex as I started. "Yea, so next summer, there is this camp in Utah that I went to for like eight years, and you can't be a counselor until you are 19. And it's always been a goal of mine to go there and be a part of it, because, you know, it shaped my childhood and I really looked up to the counselors, and I want to do that for someone too."

Setting down his burger, Spencer nudged me, "Oh, I remember that, you would be gone for like 6 weeks right?" I nodded. "Shit, Bren, that's a real long time."

"I know." I peered up at Ryan, my face still on my food. "But it's something I always wanted to do, you know. And I like working with kids. And their music sucked a lot, and I want to help with that." I shrugged, continuing to run my foot up and down Ryan's leg.

I looked at Brendon and nodded a little before looking over at Spence. "Well, if Bren's got other plans then it seems like it's the three of us. It may be our dream, but you could share it with us anyway, even though it is our dream." My eyes strayed back to Brendon and I frowned a little. "It sucks though...Utah isn't exactly close to either Vegas or LA so that means a whole summer...no visits, right?"

Alex moved his arm from around me to set in on his wrap that he'd ordered. "Well, I'm sure he gets some sort of a break in there somewhere, right? So he could always come and visit us out here when he has the break. And Spence, if Bren is gone for the summer what reason is there for you to stay in Vegas? I mean, the band can't really do anything without their lead singer. Sure there is family and all but you could be out here with us and having fun. I saw you, you ate it all up, the after party, the concert, the VIP treatment. Just think about it at least."

His eyes strayed to mine and I nodded as I picked up a french fry. "There'll definitely be space, room, and a bed for you around here if we do get to do it and you want to come out and join us. Same goes for you Bren if you want to come visit." I fiddled with my food a little before looking over at Brendon. "So...um...Pete offered me a place at his house last night at the party. He said there was always room for me, Alex, and anyone we want to b ring with us. So...there'd be more than enough room...and we'd have an amazing house to live in if we do move in with him."

Alex grinned. "Don't forget Hemmy...and Patrick, Andy and Joe dropping in, not to mention the rest of the FBR bands. I think it's a go!" We laughed and I ate another fry.

"If you guys don't come and at least. Visit the summer will suck though." I pouted slightly.

I nodded to them as I bit into my salad. A piece of the tomato squirted on my chin so I took my napkin and wiped it off. Chewing and swallowing my food, I cleared my throat. "Yea, I mean, it's only for six weeks, and in college, there are like four months of summer, so if you think about it, it's about a third of the summer, so I have plenty of time to do other things and come visit. And you guys will be more than welcome to come visit me too. It's in the mountains with a huge lake and rocks to climb and all that fun stuff, so if you need a break from the city, then, there you go."

I set my fork down as Spencer started talking to Alex about Hemmy and what he was like. Reaching across the table, I took Ryan's hand again, "Hey, Ry, it will be no different than the time we were apart this summer, hell, maybe even exactly the same amount of time. And we did fine with a couple of visits. Shit, by then, with the entire fall and spring semester we will see each other, you might even need a break from me." I winked.

Seeing that the other's conversation was done, I nudged Spencer, "I know where we can spend some money. And cold hard cash, no ATM cards."

"Where?" Spencer took another bite of his burger.

"There is the Hustlers of Hollywood right now the street, and my cousin told me that there is a 'back door' as they call it full of stuff for our pleasure." I nodded and went back to eating like I had suggested going to church or something.

My eyebrows shot up at Brendon's suggestion and I spluttered a little on my drink, putting the glass down and wiping at my face before looking over at the grin on Alex's face and back to Brendon. "What on earth is going on in that head of yours Bren?!" I blushed because that had to mean he had something in mind, didn't it? He'd never mentioned anything about wanting 'stuff for our pleasure' or anything so I honestly had no clue where this suggestion was coming from.

"Well now that would make tonight interesting..." I felt Alex's leg move and I knew that foot was about to put some pressure directly onto Spencer's crotch, but I tried to ignore it. "We might as well go, blow some money, go home, lock the front door and just go about having some fun." He smirked and I looked over at my best friend.

"Not you too!" I laughed and shook my head. "You just want all three of us at your mercy, or is it that you just want to have all three of us naked?"

Alex grinned and nodded. "Yep!" He pulled me closer and kissed me before looking at the other guys. "Hey, we had fun at the show the other night, why not get some alcohol and just feel free to have fun in our own apartment? We do what we want, clothes or no clothes..." He shrugged and grinned. "Could be fun. And if anything happens it only happens if everyone’s okay with it, if nothing happens nothing happens and no one gets upset about it."

He looked around at the three of us to see how we reacted. I smiled and shook my head. "Something tells me Bren would never agree to that, Lex."

"OH! OH! We can turn off the lights and play 'who's in my mouth!'" Spencer slapped his leg and looked over at me.

Cracking up, I set my fork down. "We can just feel..." We continued giggling for a little bit before I sniffed my nose and straightened up. "No, but um, really, like, your birthday is coming up, and, well." I kicked foot out, wincing as it came in contact with the cast. "This bitch will be gone, so you know." I shrugged as I smirked at Ryan.

"Oh, someone's getting laid!"

Flipping off Spencer, I nodded to Ryan. "And, we don't have to buy anything, but I've never been to a sex shop. It's like a rite of passage in every young man's life. So, I need to pay my dues."

Taking his sandwich and pointing at me with it, Spencer agreed. "Totally. I’ve been to one, but I can go back. Plus, I went with my ex girlfriend. And we looked at nasty lacy shit. And like vibrators for her or something." He dropped his burger. "Well, I just lost my appetite!"

I shook my head at him. "You want to go Ryan? It's up to you. And, um." I blushed, pointing behind me. "I saw it like three blocks that way when we were driving here. So, I've kinda been thinking about it since."

Alex pouted beside me. "So what, no fun tonight? C'mon you guys, what fun is that? We could get like...edible massage oil and give each other massages or something. We've gotta do something!" He pouted dramatically at Brendon and I just shook my head and looked back at my boyfriend.

"We can go...I just didn't really expect it to be suggested. But no, we can go...and if you want to buy something you can, I'm not going to tell you not to or anything, though I can't say I'm going to end up buying anything myself." I took a bite of my sandwich before smirking. "Although you never know..."

My best friend laughed and threw his arm around me. "Oh, I think you'll buy something. I think we need to all agree that we'll all buy something. Maybe we can buy more than just something. Oh! You guys can try on the clothes and shit they've got there and I can photograph you guys, or just sit back and watch while you put on a small fashion show for my benefit."

I slapped Alex gently on the side. "If we're modeling, you're modeling too. No sitting out, no getting out of the fun, it's for all of us...although..." I grinned and leaned my head on Alex's shoulder. "We could still take pictures for our own...well, enjoyment." I grinned and flicked my eyes to Spencer before back to Brendon. "Game?"

Alex rested his head on mine. "Can we still have fun tonight?"

I sat up straight and popped my back. Gripping my neck, I snapped it to the side. "You know, now that you mention it, I could use a nice massage..." Raising a brow at Spencer he agreed. "And deal, we each need to buy at least one thing." I looked to Alex. "Does it have to be for us, or can it be for someone else. AND!" I threw my hand up in the air to make a point. "IF we buy it for someone else, can we say when they have to use it?" I wiggled my brow.

Oh, that just gave me an idea. I wondered if they had any of the sexual IOU sort of books, cause that would be a fabulous gift for Ryan.

"No, no." Spencer broke my thought. "If you get someone else something, that doesn't say you can tell them when to use it. I mean." He winked up at Alex. "Unless they agree, or you know, offer things in exchange..."

"Fuck, when did you turn into a perv?" I pushed Spencer playfully and laughed, reaching over to eat one of his french fries. He gave me a mean look. "What? You said you lost your appetite." I shrugged. "And I agree with Ry, if we dress up, you dress up too. And Spence, I bet your ideas of lacy will change after you see this ass." I sat up and slapped mine. "In something other than jeans!"

Spencer shook his head. "Shit. I've seen your ass naked more than you have. And please don't remind me of that."

"That ain't true, me and my ass love my mirror!" I nodded taking a drink of my water. "I think trying on clothes would be fun, but you think you can get crabs from that shit or something?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Are you talking something for like...you buying me something and Alex and Spence buying each other things? Or like we can buy Alex and Spence things and they can buy us things? Cause that could get very interesting if it were open to we can buy for any of us."

Alex grinned and pressed his mouth against my hair. "What is it that’s going on in your mind there Ry-ry?"

Smiling, I looked up at him through the hair that had fallen over my eyes. "Oh, I don’t know...but maybe there’s something I think you and Spence could use in your sex life...or something I know you like that maybe I can not so subtly suggest to Spence by buying it for him or something...or maybe there’s something you think Bren should have for me or something...not so subtle hints where it comes to you and me buying things...but if they buy things for us...well...maybe they have fantasy thoughts or something...who knows."

He pressed his lips against mine and then turned to the boys across from us. "So, I guess it's an open 'we buy for everyone and anyone' thing, but I think we should buy one thing for ourselves...so if we all buy one thing for ourselves, and then if we want to buy more for others that’s cool, but one thing is required for sure. We can agree to that?"

We all nodded and he squeezed me next to him. "Then what do you boys say we finish off lunch and get going for our night of...interesting fun...cause apparently we've got massages to get to eventually..." he smirked and I shook my head as I sat up and finished off my food. "And no, Bren, I don't think you can get crabs if we try stuff on with something you're already wearing on or whatever...who cares, we can always buy stuff and return it tomorrow if we get it home and don't like it anyway."

Scrunching up my nose at Ryan, my head hurt after he talked about buying things that should be bought or suggested to be bought. Or, shit, something like that, I was even confusing myself. I simply shrugged at the two of them and nodded.

"Are you sure, cause one time, this girl in my class got lice when she tried on a hat at this prairie fair or something we went to..." I bit my lip as I saw Spencer flag down the waitress and ask for the check. We chatted about different things we could buy as Spencer paid with cash and we left the restaurant.

I let Spencer walk in front of me as Alex was talking to him about, um something. Hanging back, I threw my arm around Ryan's waist so that he could lean more on me. The guys were walking a little faster than Ryan's cast would allow, but there was a light up ahead, so I knew they would wait for us there.

"So, I was thinking." I looked over and wiggled my brows at Ryan, kissing his jaw before continuing. "I kinda want you to you know, like, well..." I wasn't sure why talking about sex embarrassed me so much at times. This was Ryan, just Ryan, and I loved him. But, it make me still kind of shy. I gulped and forced a smile. "I was wondering if you could like, finger me or something, you know, so I like, get used to it before we actually do it. You know, I bottom. Or something, I mean, if you want too..."

I looked over at Brendon and stopped us, pulling him in against me and kissing him before pulling away and giggling. "You're fucking adorable, you know that Bren?" I kissed him again before sighing and pulling back, glancing up toward Alex and Spencer and seeing they were a bit ahead of us now.

Returning my attention to my boyfriend I smiled and reached up to brush his hair out of his forehead. "You weren't ready in the past when I tried, Bren. I never wanted to put you off and make you uncomfortable with it, but you weren't ready. I'd try and you'd push me back or stop me. You really think you're ready for it now? Like seriously? Cause I don't want to start and have you not be ready...I want you to be ready and wanting it as much as I do."

Pressing my lips against his again I let the kiss linger a little bit when I heard Alex's voice ring down the sidewalk. "C'mon you two, no making out or having sex on the sidewalk, we've got things to do, places to go, people to take photographs of and people to do later. If we don't get going we're going to run out of time and be too tired when the clothes are off and we're covered in massage oil!"

I laughed, feeling my cheeks flaring a little as a few of the people looked at him and then us and I couldn't believe he'd yelled that down the sidewalk, then again, it was Alex. My eyes strayed to Spencer as we started walking again. "What do you think we should buy Spence to make him even more of a sexual freak than he already is? I think it should be something that tortures him a little, but in a way that makes him want sex really badly." I grinned and winked at Brendon. I really liked the new dynamic our friendships with each other were taking, it made things interesting and fun and less like I had to be guilty if I hugged Spence or Bren hugged Alex or whatever. To me it felt like our friendships and relationships took a step forward to being okay with each other to the point that we were. I thought they all felt the same, but I wasn't sure we were really ready for another conversation that brought around the 'as long as you only kiss any of the three of us' that was 'inflicted' on me the night of the TAI after party.

We made it to the cross walk. It looked like the fucking busiest street in the world. I pouted as I watched the traffic fly by. Smiling at Ryan, I nodded to him. "I'm ready." I made eye contact and sighed. "I love you and trust you, so I am ready." I spoke quietly so only he could hear. The light was about to allow us to walk when I moved in front of Ryan.

"Here." I slapped my sides. "Hop on, we will make this walk across quick." It was seriously like ten lanes of traffic. But the intersections was populated with enough pedestrians that I doubted we would get hit, but even so, it would be fun to carry Ryan on my back across the way.

Once he hopped up, the light changed and I charged across, weaving and laughing as we made are way in between the merge of people crossing opposite of us. I was nearly out of breath by the time we go to the other side, so I moved to lean us against the wall and some shade. Breathing heavily, I smiled at Ryan. "That was a rush." I smirked as I pulled him into an open mouth kiss, only being about to breath through my nose.

"Hmm." I started as I stood on my tipsy toes, trying to spot Spencer and Alex in the mass of people. "What could be buy him? I don't know. I'm not very good at the sex toy thing. Like..."I shrugged. "Nipple clamps or something?" Making a weird face, I laughed and saw the other two approaching us.

"Shit Bren." Spencer was laughed. "You about took out this old lady with a walker!" He shook his head. "Oh that makes me miss Jon Walker. I need to email him!"

I smiled at Brendon and kissed him quickly before looking over at my best friend and his sexual partner (for lack of an actual term to give him). "Jon huh? So, Spence, what’s up with you and Jon? It's like...you're enamored with him or something, maybe you're crushing on him? Or are you in love with him now or something? I swear since the show and with the after party I'd have thought you were going to spend the night with him instead of coming home with us."

My eyes flicked to Alex's face but he didn't really seem like he had a reaction, although I knew better than that, I saw the slight change in his eyes and I knew no one else would notice or read it like I could. I pulled away from the wall and took Brendon's hand as we started heading further down toward the store. Alex's arm went around my shoulders and I looked up at him with a small smile before returning my attention to Spence, raising my eyebrows, waiting for him to actually respond.

With my free hand, I reached over and rubbed Alex's lower back. The truth was, he'd never ask Spencer about his thing with Jon so it was up to me and Bren, but Bren couldn't really do it either since they were best friends and he couldn't exactly be on Alex's side of the situation. Although I suppose asking doesn't mean he is on Alex's side but just wanting to know. I wasn't sure though how to really go about this since they hadn't professed love or anything for each other or anything, they weren't even dating, they were just fooling around. I just didn't want Alex getting hurt and I had the feeling Jon could hurt him if he got in the way of him and Spence, although at the same time maybe Jon getting in the way could be a good thing and make them realize what they could have together.

I glanced over at Alex and saw him tugging on his lip ring a little. It was sometimes a nervous habit, I could tell he was thinking about how Spencer was going to respond.

Spencer laughed at Ryan and his question. "No." He started. "Jon has a girlfriend in Chicago, I was just going to email him because he has some music he wants me to check out. His friend is this kick ass drummer who goes to college in Chicago and he wants to link me to Youtube so I can check out some of his beats." Spencer shook his head. "He is way to straight for his own good, plus, I like the tall, skinny pierced type myself."

I watched as he looked over to Alex quickly then back at me. "What?" I asked staring at him as we crossed a smaller side street.

"Nothing. You seemed to take a liking to the guy too..."

"So what are you saying?" I too laughed as I we made it across safely, the sex shop at the end of the block. "He was nice and he looked entirely bored, and you know how I can't stand it when people around me are bored, I make it my own personal business to entertain everyone!"

"You can say that again!" He smirked as we reach the store. "Is this it?"

Rolling my eyes, I threw up my hands and looked around. "Do you see any other sex shops?" I poked him as he flipped me off. "Yes, this is the one I was talking about. You guys ready?"

Laughing, I shook my head as I leaned against Brendon. "You are crazy, you know that Bren? Absolutely crazy. But I love you all the same." I pulled his lips to mine before looking at the door to the sex shop. I may be a bit of a sex freak but that didn't mean that I actually went to sex shops frequently or anything.

Alex grabbed the door and opened it. "I think we're as ready as we're going to be, so lets just get the fuck in there and start the crazy fun already!"

I looked at Alex and shook my head before looking at Spence. "Do you like putting up with him? I mean, seriously, sometimes I'm surprised you can deal with him." I grinned and reached out to pull Spence over to me, pressing my lips to the corner of his mouth. "Maybe you're just a saint like me." I winked at him before slapping his ass slightly and giving him a little shove toward the door.

"Okay, so if we're going to do this we should just go and do this, right? Maybe I can get a new pair of boxers in here. Black silk or satin, that could be fun...a little tame, I know, but fun, right?" I grinned at Brendon before stepping into the store and looking around, biting my lip just slightly because I wasn't really sure what I was expecting when I was walking into a sex shop but hey, it was a store and it had stuff, big surprise there, right?

Alex followed us in and wrapped his arms around me from behind. "Are we still allowing you to kiss Spencer?"

"Shit." Spencer spun around as he was the first person to pick something up off a display. It was a huge dildo. The Black Mambo, it was called. My mouth dropped as I gulped and look at the size of it. Spencer could barely get his fist around it. He swung the thing pointedly like it was nothing. "You've had sex with Alex before. You know how it is." He winked at Ryan then playfully stuck his tongue out at Alex as he set the chocolate colored rubber penis down.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...

Silk boxers, I could handle that, I thought. I watched Alex chase after Spencer so I walked up next to Ryan helping him maneuver throughout the tightly packed aisles. "This place sure looks a lot bigger from the outside." On my tippy toes, I stood up to see a sign for clothing pointing towards what I am assuming a basement and another one pointing upstairs for videos. Walking with Ryan, my eyes about bugged out of my head as we were nearing a section that was complete black leather and a little bit of...chrome, maybe.

"Uh, I don't think that is what we need to um, spice up our relationship." I stared as Spencer was already back there, holding a large whip in his hand, smacking it lightly, then calling for Alex. Biting my lip, I shrugged and turned around completely. "Um, if you need me, I'll just be over here with the lube or something."

I laughed and shook my head at Brendon. "Wasn't this your idea Bren? You seem suddenly embarrassed or unsure that this is what you want to be doing..." I grinned and pulled him to me, kissing him again before murmuring. "Are you sure you don't want to be more adventurous? I mean...look at Spence, he's into it. Why are you suddenly so embarrassed?"

Glancing over at Spencer I saw Alex walking toward him smirking with a slightly larger whip and I shook my head a little. "I mean seriously Bren..." I looked back at him. "You've not been so shy with me since we started having sex. So while this may not be my ideal choice for what we're doing for the evening or whatever, but at the same time it's for fun. So we might as well enjoy it, right?"

Pressing another kiss against Brendon's lips I wandered over to Alex and Spencer and picked up a whip of my own without Alex seeing it and used it on his ass. He jumped and glared at me. "Oh, is that how it is? Get your ass over here it's time for your whipping!"

I laughed and shook my head, backing away a little. "Oh no, I think it's just time for you to be whipped. Maybe we should put you in chaps and a g-string and whip you all night. You know you'd like that!"

He glared at me and advanced at me. "Or maybe we should put you in a harness and buy a sling and put it up in the apartment and use that dildo Spence picked up on your tiny little ass."

"OH!" I heard Spencer shout as I glanced up just in time to see him whip Alex across the ass. I cringed, remembering how that was how my father used to discipline me. Well, not with a whip, but a belt. Clearing my throat, I shook my head at him, but managed to return the triumphant smile that Spencer shared with me. "Hey Bren. Want to?"

"No." I pointed over my shoulder. "I'm just going to, like watermelon flavored lube or something." I twisted my face at him as Alex and Ryan were having a conversation. Alex seemed really into doing something as a foursome tonight. I really wanted to be a part of it, and I guess in a way, it was in my hands to agree, but I wasn't quite sure. Maybe if alcohol was involved.

"Right." he laughed at me knowingly before looking back at Ryan and Alex. "So, this harness you think?" I saw him point up to one that looked more like a slingshot.

Ignoring them, I cruised down another aisle. This one was full of strap ons. Not something I really needed, hell, I haven't even let my own boyfriend stick his in me, not like I would ever need more than one. Biting my lip, I pulled out my phone and text Ryan. I’m not trying to be shy. sorry. some of this stuff is just kinda intense. love you. I put my phone back in my pocket as I neared a section of adult books. Now this maybe I could get into. I wonder if they have a karma sutra book for people in casts...

I looked down at my phone and frowned a little, looking around to see if I could find Brendon. Chewing on my lip I looked back at Spence and Alex. "So...Bren seems like he doesn't want to be here and suddenly isn't into all of this..." I looked at Spencer. "Do you think we're being too extreme? I mean, we're standing with the whips and leather and harnesses and shit, maybe that’s too much? Maybe we need to find him the whipped cream and satin robes and flavored lube and forget about anything and everything else?"

Alex shrugged and looked back at me. "I could try to pull him in to joining us. But I think he could be intimidated by me too...although maybe if we all started getting hot and heavy right here and now he might get interested?"

I shook my head, a smile toying at my lips as I looked over toward Bren again, reaching out for Spence and pulling him in against me. "Got any suggestions for your best friend, Spence? I mean...what do we do to get him to have fun with this like us? Sometimes I really don't know what to do when it comes to him because he's different than me." I bit my lip and tore my eyes from Brendon and looked at Spence, hoping for some help.

Alex leaned over and pecked each of our foreheads before walking toward Brendon. "Okay Bren, which positions haven't you and Ry tried already?"

I nearly jumped five feet and dropped what I was reading when Alex came up behind me. I leaned over and picked it up. Blushing slightly. "I, um..." Looking past Alex to Ryan and Spencer staring at me, I gulped. Shaking my head, I made eye contact with Ryan. "Well, lots actually, cause you know, I mean, the cast and all. Not much we can do..."

Biting my lip, I took Alex's hand and shuddered as I pulled him back to the section of black in the store. Once I was in front of them, I pulled the box from behind me and showed it to the guys. "So, I was thinking about getting this or something." I raised the box to them and read the back.

A revealing adult party game, created to entertain 4 or more players. Imagine finding out your friends darkest secrets or daring them to do something you've always wanted to watch them do. To Play: simply roll the enclosed dice; Even number you pick a truth card Odd number you pick a dare card It's as exciting as it is fun & is only limited by your inhibitions.

Looking up at the guys, I stared at Ryan as I twisted my lips. "As long as we like, set some house rules first. It kinda of sounds fun. Like different dares and questions. It could be entertaining, yes?"

Spencer's face lit up. "Fuck yea it could!"

My eyebrows show up a little and I looked between all three of them before back to Brendon. "Okay...what are you thinking about as 'house rules' Bren? Cause I'm guessing you have some already in mind since you're suggesting them."

Reaching out, I grabbed the box and looked at it as I leaned a little against Spencer. I felt a little bad using him as a leaning post, but he hadn't pushed me away or anything and I was comfortable and it meant a little time off of one leg. Alex frowned as he looked at the box before he spoke up. "What’s the fun of the game if we set too tight rules. Doesn't it say 'only limited by your inhibitions'? So wouldn't that mean that rules is inhibitions? Or are you worried that one of us is going to dare the other to have sex with someone and it won't be you and Ry but like Ry and me or Ry and Spence or you and me or you and Spence?"

My head shot up and I looked at Alex. Okay, could be fun, yes, but I was in a relationship with Brendon and until this point the closest we'd gotten to anything like getting sexual with anyone but each other was that night with Alex. I had the feeling this was the 'house rules' Brendon was referring to. All the same I thought it could certainly turn into a wonderful and interesting night if we added some alcohol to the game and we gave ourselves some freedom. The freedom was the thing that I knew Bren would have more of an issue with than the rest of us, although technically I couldn't speak for Spencer.

"You didn't seem to have too much of a problem that night in Ry's parent's bed..." Apparently Alex was thinking like I was in some aspect and not in others.

I cleared my throat again while looking at Spencer. He put his arm around Ryan to support him as he gave me a puzzled look. Turning my attention back to Alex I nodded. "No, I didn't have a problem, that's because there were rules." Staring between Ryan and Alex I reminded them. "It was above the waist, remember? I don't see anything wrong with that. Well, I mean, we could go further with it. But, I honestly will not partake in having sex with you or Spencer. Nor do I want to watch Ryan have sex with the either of you. I mean, why would I want to share something like that with you two when I haven't even been able to fill my hands with the amount of times I have done it with my boyfriend?"

I blushed at the confession, then licked my lips. "I'm just. I'm game with like getting naked and having fun, but I just don't want it to end up a huge orgy or something."

Staring at my shoes, I picked at my pocket as I saw Spencer lean Ryan on Alex out of the corner of my eye. "Shit Bren, you know I would never do that to you. And as much as I like Ryan, I would never have sex with him. And Lord knows, I would never have sex with you. Now...watching you are Ry get down and dirty..." I felt his face rise to look at Alex. "That might be quite entertaining, as long as you don't mind me and Alex do the same along side." Laughing, he pulled the box in front of us, out of Alex's hands. "But, I am cool with the ground rule of, no sex. I mean, Once that is done, where is the fun left? I think it would be more entertaining to make us sit around with hard ons while daring each other to do crazy ass shit that could make us come at any moment."

I couldn't help but laugh at Spencer. Smiling at him, I nodded. "That does sound fun." I glanced back at Alex and Ryan. "So, I'll purchase and partake in this, as long as we set the ground rule. No sex."

"And the first one to come loses!" Spencer laughed.

I shrugged and looked up at Alex before over at Brendon. "So no sex is the only rule? Because even with the rule of no sex there's a big margin of other sexual stuff that could be done without actually having sex with each other. Because if we are drinking and we really get into this we could end up going off the deep end and getting more and more daring and more and more sexual all the time. So...if we did...I mean...just saying no sex still leaves a lot open. I know how you are usually Bren, are you okay with leaving it that open? Or are you thinking more rules than just no sex?"

Alex kissed my head and shrugged. "I'm game for whatever involves us having some crazy fun together cause I've been suggesting it all lunch and no one seemed to like the idea until now. So...yeah."

He pulled away from me and wandered off to go look at something and I shook my head slightly as I refocused on Brendon. I reached over to hold onto Spence without leaning on him. "Okay, so Alex is game for anything." My eyes searched out Spencer's. "And I think you are too, huh Spence?" I smiled before looking back at Brendon and murmuring. "I just don't want us to start and suddenly you decide it's not what you want. Okay? Cause we don't have to do anything...at least not anything all together and sexual...although all sitting around naked could be fun...lots to look at at least." I grinned and touched Brendon's wrist.

"It's up to you though cause I think the rest of us are a bit more open to all this type of stuff than you are...Not that I ever meant that any of us were going to actually have sex together or anything, but still...at least where me and Alex are concerned we've done probably more than either of you combined, so we're more okay with all of it and it's different with you guys. Well, maybe not you Spence, but well...you're unique." I grinned at Spence and nudged him a little.

"I know what you mean, Bren." Spencer smiled. "I mean, I know what you are getting at and what Ryan and Alex are cool with. And honestly, I remember 'sex' parties that my girlfriend and I used to go to. And yes, sometimes I would get jealous. But, Ok." He looked between me and Ryan like he was telling a top secret. "Let's just set the rules as no one can intentionally get someone off besides their own boyfr...er, I mean, yea. Like you and Ry and me and Alex. Deal?"

Biting my lip, I raised a brow at him. "Intentionally?"

"Yea." He nodded as he watched Alex, smirking. "Like, if the dare is to like, I don’t know, Alex to suck your cock for like two minutes. As long as he didn't get you off on purpose, but just you just couldn't handle his fabulous lips and piercings..." I shook my head as he wouldn't even look at me or Ryan, since he was eye fucking Alex.

"Um, yea. That makes sense, I guess. But, shit." I stared over at Alex and back to Spencer. "If you have somewhere better to be right now." I pointed over to Alex. "Then don't make us hold you back.' Wiggling his brows, he nodded and patted me on the shoulder.

I sighed as I turned my attention back to my boyfriend. "I don't know how into it this game gets. And I'm sure we will like do more than it says. But, I am trying Ryan, I am trying to be more open about all of this and like be into more than just you sexually. And I guess. As long as Pete Wentz doesn't show up, I should be ok." I smiled and teased him, pulling him to rest his weight against my stable hip.

Wrapping my arms around his neck I pulled him into a kiss. "I swear I don't deserve you. I'm making you feel like you have to get sexual with other people to make me happy..." I sighed and rested my forehead against his. "I'm a bad boyfriend for even thinking it..." I kissed him again before murmuring. "No Pete, I promise. Just the four of us, no one else at all. If anything we dare or say to do makes you uncomfortable and you want to put your foot down, tell us. The last thing I want, and I'm sure Alex and Spence would agree with me, is for you to regret whatever we do tonight."

Kissing him again, I pulled away a little after. "But...that said...Lex does a great job as sucking cock..." I winked at him. "I know how you love his piercings..." I winked at him and then tugged him toward the section with lube. "You said you wanted watermelon? Hmm...let's see if we can find it..."

I stopped at one rack and gasped, picking up this bottle and turning to Brendon. "Raspberry! Bren, we gotta get raspberry!" I wiggled my eyebrows and turned back to the display, glancing at the other two on the other side of the room before smirking and picking up another bottle that was actually massage oil as well as lube. "We did talk about massages at lunch..."

"HEY, RY, I FOUND SOMETHING FOR YOU!"

My eyes shot from the lube and oil display to what Alex was holding up and I had to laugh and shake my head. I was never one into nipple clamps but I had the feeling Spencer would probably enjoy them. My eyes were dancing with mischief as I looked at Brendon. "Have any thoughts for Spence yet?"

"OH!" I laughed as I stared at the nipple clamps. Those sounded fun... I quirked my head Ryan then smiled. "I don’t know. I know Spencer's nipples are pretty sensitive too. He has THO like worse then Victoria Beckham or something. That could be interesting." I managed to laugh as I took the lube and oil from Ryan and held them so we could move over to the other guys.

Once we got there, I picked up a weird shaped object that came with what looked like a key lock thing for a car. "What's this?" I stared at it, not even sure what to do, but I hit the button in the middle, the rubber object in my other hand vibrating.

Spencer laughed. "That my friend is a butt plug."

"And?" I suddenly blushed because I was probably the only person above the age of 16 that did not know what it is.

Taking it from my hand, Spencer winked at me. "See, you put this up your ass." Holding the bigger cone. "And this, this is a remote, So like, say you are in a public place, and you have someone wearing it. Then like, they can be talking to someone and BANG!" He pressed the button, the object came to life. "Instant sensation!"

"Sounds...ugh..."

Spencer laughed. "Complete hell and torture, but, in a way, hot as fuck."

"I guess..." I looked over at Ryan. "You would never do that to me would you?" I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

Alex smirked and I raised my eyebrows at him. "Sounds like something I'd do to you though Bren." He grinned and took it from Spencer, walking behind Brendon and looking at me as he wrapped his arms around Brendon's waist. "See...it's so much fun to torture someone in a sexual way..." He took the plug and started rubbing it along Brendon's crotch, not turned on. "See...it just stays there, pressed inside you, pressed up against that one special spot inside you...it's hot knowing it's there, knowing that when you move and it moves it'll rub directly on that spot and not knowing when the person holding the remote is going to turn it on." With that he pressed the button on the remote so it was vibrating right against Bren's cock although through his jeans.

I laughed softly and leaned forward toward Alex. "You're evil, Alex!"

He laughed and nodded, pulling back and turning it off. "Oh, I know. It's even worse when you don't know who has the remote anyway. If you'd been fucked already I'd buy it for you and we could pass the remote between the three of us for the night...but since you haven't, we'll keep that torture from you for the time being." He tossed it to Spencer and walked off to go find something else he could play with.

Shaking my head I reached out and took it from Spencer for a moment, my eyes trailing after Alex as I did. "You know, if I didn't know Alex as well as I do I'd totally buy this for him. Although you'd be the one with it inside them, Spence and him with the remote." I looked over at Spencer and grinned. "But if you're interested...." I winked at him and slapped his ass as I stepped passed him.

"That shit is crazy." I tried to laugh as I picked up a masturbation sleeve. "Hmm." I held it up to Spencer. "Is this like, if you were having sex with someone, then when you jerk them off they can feel like they are inside someone too?"

Spencer ruffled my hair. "And if you don't have a boy yourself too. Maybe you should try it out. I mean, so you can feel what it's like besides your or Ry's hand or something." He took it from me. "Here. I'll get it for you." I shrugged, about to thank him as he walked away.

Making my own way back to the book section, I pulled out another gay sex one. This one had real pictures instead of fake ones, which made them seem more realistic. I wasn't sure how much time I spent browsing. I yawned and stretched, smiling to myself as I spotted Ryan looking at penis enlargers.

Walking up behind him, I grabbed at his crotch. "You are plenty big for me." I nuzzled into his neck and placed a kiss there. "Spence is getting me this cock sleeve thing. It might be kinda cool." I grinned against his cheek and picked up an enlarger that looked like a fire engine. "You know, maybe I should go to school for sex toys." I teased as I set the thing back down and looked around for the guys.

Not seeing them, I turned my attention back to Ryan. "I really can't wait until this thing comes off. I've been looking at some books, and there a few things I want to try." I kissed his neck again when I felt a vibration in my pocket. I was a picture of Spencer in a pair of short tight black something or others. Laughing I held it out to Ryan.

"HOLY SHIT! Where are they we gotta go check this out!" I grinned and grabbed Brendon's hand, looking around to find the dressing rooms or wherever the others were. "So we get the nipple clamps for Spence, the butt plug for Alex...does that mean we're done buying stuff for others and now need to find something for ourselves?"

I heard Alex saying something as we made it down the stairs to where all the clothes were. Alex was decked out in skin tight and excessively low black leather pants that showed off every single tiny curve of his body. My eyebrows shot up and I stopped suddenly, he looked hot, far far beyond just hot. He was checking out Spence who looked very hot too, but I was still checking out my best friend. Had he worn those when we were sort of together...damn...

"Shit, Lex...those are fucking hot. You have to buy them! I don't know when you'd wear them besides Halloween or something...but....shit..."

He grinned at me and turned to show off the ass of them as well. They look painted on which was making it all the hotter. I had no idea how much they would cost but I didn't care, if he couldn't afford them himself I was going to have to help him pay for them. You don't put on a pair of pants that scream 'sex god' that look just that good and not own them because seriously, they looked like they were completely made for his body.

"You think they look hot? It was a joke really, but surprisingly they're comfortable and I kinda like them." He bent over, giving all three of us a great shot of his ass. "What do you think, Bren?" I looked over at my boyfriend to see his reaction to the pants as well as Spencer's little outfit.

"So, yea, I might lose from coming first..." I stepped forward and checked them out in better lighting. "Those are. These are." I laughed, not being able to form sentences. "Hot. Just plain hot!"

Spencer wiggled his ass as he grinned over at Alex. "If you won't get them for yourself, then I will get them for you. I think they would be a wonderful investment for you." He nodded, walked to stand behind Alex who was looking in the mirror. From the back, I couldn't see where his hands were going, but I could see his ass muscles flex and move as he thrust playfully into Alex's bum.

Laughing, I shook my head at Ryan who was still staring at Alex. "You know, we can take a picture so you don't have to stare." I teased Ryan, pulling out my phone. I walked in front of the mirror and took a picture as Spencer's hands slid between Alex's hipbones and the tight fabric. I watched as Alex instinctively sucked in his stomach from the touch. Yes. That was hot.

I smiled at Ryan then down to his cast. "You think you can try anything on with that damn thing?" I winked. "Or are you just going to watch?" I laughed as I walked over and pulled out a mesh looking shirt. I reminded me too much of the first time I ever saw Ryan. And I wasn't 100% sure how I felt about that. So I put it back without drawing any attention to it.

I groaned as I watched my best friend and Spencer. The sight made me want to walk over there and make out with both of them right that second. The leather pants, the interaction, I internally screamed at the frustration of the stupid cast because it prevented me from just going crazy. I wanted to pull a pair of those pants on for myself and see how they looked on me and how Brendon would respond to them (not to mention Alex and Spencer) but I couldn't really get it over the cast.

Biting my lip, I walked over to the two of them in the mirror. "So...um...since I'm probably never going to get to see this again...." Trailing off, I stood in front of Alex and looked over the both of them before stepping against Alex and reaching up to pull Spencer's mouth to mine, kissing him hard quickly before pulling away and doing the same to Alex. I could feel Spencer's hands inside the pants between me and Alex. The whole thing was very hot. I felt Alex's arms go around my waist to support me and I was thankful for it because I didn't think I'd be able to stand on my own after that.

Looking over at Brendon, I grinned. "I don’t know what I could try on...it'd have to get over this fucking cast." I bit my lip and grinned at Brendon before crooking my finger at him. No one was around but us so it wouldn't matter if we all made out right there in the middle of the store, but I thought it'd be a good entrance to the evening, kissing these two sexy boys in their leather. I pulled him in and kissed him before moving some to the side so that he could kiss either or both of Alex and Spencer too while I got to watch.

I had the feeling the night was going to be beyond crazy. I wondered if I could still fit into the same size as Alex so I could buy the same pair for myself because liked them and I wanted them and I had no clue what else to get myself because there wasn't a lot that I needed or wanted. I still didn't know what to get that was suggestive for Bren though.

I raised a brow as I walked over with a shirt for Ryan. it was black with two holes cut out for the nipples. When I held it up, it looked like it could fit a four year old, so I knew it would be perfect. Before I reacted to the two sexy boys with swollen lips in front of me, I removed Ryan's shirt with some trouble due to Alex's hands. Then I had even more difficulty putting the new one back on. Once it was over his head, it fell just above his belly button.

Not being able to see him, but feel around, I maneuvered it so his nipples were in place, then pressed into him, which in turn pressed his now hard nipples into Alex's bare chest.

At this point, I wasn't sure how we would all make it out of here without losing a little man juice. Leaning forward, I pulled one of Alex's piercings into my mouth and smiled at him. Not kissing him, but nudging my nose with his as we looked into each other's eyes. I knew all the attention was getting to him, I could see it in his eyes. And hell, I could feel some of it transferring into my own pants.

Pulling back, I smiled at him, then winked at Spencer. "Yes, you need to buy both of those things. And while you are at it, maybe this shirt for Ryan too." I bit into Ryan's neck as I mentioned his name. "You think I could shove my ass into a pair of those?" I tilted my head to the side and smiled. It could be possible.

Chuckling softly, I leaned a little back against Brendon while looking at Alex in front of me. My eyes trailed down to his hip and I reached out, dipping my finger into the edge of the pants to run my fingertip lightly over the tattoo he had gotten on his hip. He smiled at me and moved his hand up to my cheek. He pulled me closer to him and pecked my lips softly. "Bren, you would probably look pretty good in them, but can I be biased and say I think Ryan would look even better? Although they'd probably curve to your ass rather well. Go try a pair on."

I laughed and shook my head as I looked at Spence. "My boys are talking about me like I'm not even here. If I could take off this cast I'd try a pair of those things on and show you all just how to wear them..." Pulling back a little, I looked at the front of Alex's and grinned, he had them pretty perfect. "They aren't low enough Alex...here..." I grabbed them and tugged at them just slightly, they didn't go far but they went far enough that they covered him and hinted at a lot not to mention a lot of skin. "Perfect."

"Now Bren...what’s with the shirt? Do you want me walking around with my nipples hanging out?" I laughed softly and turned to kiss him gently before looking down at myself and the shirt. I wasn't sure if he thought it was hot but then again I didn't know if I thought it was hot. I shook my head a little again and looked at Brendon. "I'm not sure why you want this shirt Bren...but I guess it's up to you. I still don’t know what I'm getting you..."

Alex tugged me closer to him. "I think you should get him one of those riding crops and a collar."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

more

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 21:38:33 GMT

We found ourselves sitting in a circle once it got dark out. Spencer ended up paying some dude twenty bucks to go buy us some alcohol so we were plenty stocked. Right now, our bodies were pretty full of it too. It felt nice. Warm and fuzzy nice. So the fact that my shirt was off and the air was on, it didn't really effect me much.

In the circle, I was seated cross legged across from Ryan, who was leaning against a chair. Alex was to my right against the couch, and Spencer was mimicking my position to my left. So far, Alex and I were the only two who had rolled the dice to strip our clothing. Ryan for some reason got a truth. And Spencer was dared to kiss the person across from him. Oh big deal.

It was my turn to roll though. I rolled a two, so now it was my turn for a truth, well, at least I didn't have to remove any more clothes. I held up the card and read: What's your most embarrassing sexual experience? Setting the card neatly down on the stack, I twisted my lip in thought. "Um..."

"What about that one time your Dad found you jerking off with vegetable oil?"

My face reddened as I looked down, biting my lip. Yes. That was pretty bad. I managed to look up and flip off Spencer. "Yes, that would have to be it." I saw Ryan and Alex's blank stairs. "What? It was either that or my mom's flowery smelling lotion, and I really didn't want to get off and smell like my mom. And they were supposed to be out of town. And like...I was fourteen. What do you expect?"

I laughed and shook my head. "Is it just me but is that kinda....weak compared to what it could have been?" I smiled and looked at Alex, we both had far better or perhaps worse stories I was sure, but then again Brendon hadn't been with someone before me so it wasn't like he would have a ton of stories to tell us. "Okay, so Bren got off easy on that one."

I grabbed my glass that had rum and coke in it, far more rum than coke to be sure which was giving me a rater pleasant buzz and happy fuzzy feeling. It also made me far more comfortable, not only with myself but with everything in general. Alex and Bren both looked kinda like they were glowing without their shirts off and I wondered when Spence was going to be able to follow suit, and then of course me too.

We'd had such fun in the sex shop, we each bought things for ourselves and things for each other. Bren and I got some flavored lube, I'd gotten my raspberry and he had gotten his watermelon, we had also bought the massage oil because no matter what happened with the game I wanted a massage since it had been brought up earlier. Alex had bought the black leather pants for himself because he looked beyond smoking in them. He said he'd gotten something for me but he refused to let me know what it was until I'd gotten my cast off. I'd bought the vibrating butt plug for Spence, though I figured it was probably more of a toy for Alex although Spence would be the one who would get most of the pleasure from it. So I guess it was more the butt plug for Alex and the nipple clamps for Spencer, it didn't matter they'd get pleasure from it so it didn't really make that much of a difference who each was for. And for Bren...well I found this fun little thing that vibrated in all the right ways and fit in all the right spots and just...well, I'd used one before and it was the best thing ever.

I looked over at Alex and grinned. "Your turn, roll." He chuckled and nodded, rolling the dice and coming up with a dare card. He smirked as he looked at the card and read it aloud. "Give the player to your left a finger blow job." His eyes moved to Brendon. "Gimme your finger Bren."

Shaking my head, I handed my finger over to Alex. Then I stopped, wiped it on my pants and gave it to him. I sat there waiting for him to take it. And he gave me this seductive look and acted like my finger was the thickest thing he had ever put in his mouth. I couldn't speak and my mouth sort of dried up as he kept eye contact with me while he did it. And, well, the feelings kind of sort of went straight to my cock. Not that I was complaining.

I could tell, just by that, that I could use a lot more practice on blowjobs. Poor Ry. Hell, from him going from this to me, that had to suck, literally. But even so, he never complained and it was my name he called out, so at least he wasn't thinking of Alex while he did it.

It felt weird. Like, again, with when I kissed him. The metal, which you would assume to be cold, heated up and slid almost fluidly with the saliva. I licked my lips once he completed his oral pleasure on my finger and pulled it back to my body, wiping it again on my pants. "Thanks." I laughed, because that was really the only thing I could do.

"That was fucking hot!" Spencer laughed as he readjusted himself. "See, I told you he was awesome!" He jumped up. "Any one want a refill?"

"Um, how about a cigarette?" I joked as I looked over at Ryan, handing Spencer my empty glass. "Your turn stud muffin, hopefully you get to strip off!"

I watched Brendon and Alex and shifted a little where I was sitting. I knew just how good Alex's mouth felt and that was one of the many things about being with him that I loved the most. It made me a little jealous that Brendon was getting to have Alex's mouth on him like that because it made me want it just to watch it. Alex grinned at me when he was done and settled himself back a little.

"Okay Ry..." He handed me the die with a smile. "Roll!"

I finished off my drink and put the glass aside as I took the cube from Alex. Glancing over at Brendon, I bit my lip and threw it down onto the floor so it rolled across to Brendon. It came up truth, apparently I got lucky with the stripping thing and I picked up a card and read it out loud. "Truth: If you could have no strings attached sex with anyone, who would it be?"

Chewing on my lip a little I played with the card in my fingers as I tried to think about who to say and how to say it so I didn't upset Brendon. The edge of the card slid over my skin as I considered my options. There was, of course the obvious answer, Alex, but then again things with Alex could never be any strings attached because he was half of my life. Then there was Pete or Frank Iero and there was William Beckett and Ville Valo and Billy Martin and Andy from Bella Morte.

My lips twisted into a smile and I glanced toward the kitchen. "Spence."

Spencer walked back in holding my and his drink. "Did I hear my name?" He handed me his drink too while he sat down. Thanking me, he looked back to Ryan and raised his brows. "Did you say my name? I asked if you wanted a drink..."

Waiting for Spencer to take a drink, I laughed. "No, my boyfriend just said if he could fuck anyone without strings attached it would be you." I winked at Spencer as he coughed and spit his drink across his shirt.

"Really?" He perked up looking over at me.

I shrugged. "Well, it's hell of a lot better than Wentz!"

"Touché!" Spencer took another drink, winking at Ryan and sucking in an ice cube. "Oh." He reached forward, brushing his hand with Ryan, then opening it to get the die out. "My turn." He whispered seductively. I tried everything in me not to laugh. Rolling the die, he got a dare, and picked up the card. "Ask anyone in the room to do a strip tease with an article of clothing."

Biting his lip, he looked at all of us, then back to Ryan. "So, Sexy." He wiggled his brows. "Why don't you take off that shirt of yours and show us some of those moves you got." He winked again, setting down his drink. "Are camera phones allowed? We didn't discuss this..."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't see why not. Oh, and you have video on it don't you?" He simply nodded and grinned.

I glanced at Brendon and gave him a look at the Wentz comment, I could have definitely said him but I was trying to keep my relationship with my boyfriend on a happy note and thought that bringing up Pete's name would be a bad thing for the night and there he went bringing it up like that.

I looked over at Spence and smirked a little. "You want me to do a strip tease? Well since I don't have a lot of moves with a cast on...and I don't think I'd be able to do it quite the way it should be done, I'll give you a rain check on a real one...but for an invalid..."

Grinning a little, I moved closer to Spence and straddled one of his legs, my casted leg sticking out to the other side. So what if the card didn't say a lap dance? If I couldn't do it the way the game called for I could improvise a little to accommodate what I could do, at least that’s what I thought. I imagined a Cobra Starship song in my head and as the song played through my mind I started to move and slowly ran my fingers down over my chest and making their way teasingly down to the hem of my shirt. Moving slowly, my fingers hooked under the hem of the shirt and lazily began raising it up, slowly exposing my stomach, then my ribs. Pausing, I ran the hem back and forth over my ribs for a moment before raising one side up to expose a nipple before back down and then the other. I was giving Spence a show, it was what the game and the night was for, right?

When I figured it was time to finish the dare, I worked the shirt up to expose my chest before pulling it over my head, still moving to the music in my mind. I trailed the shirt down over my chest with one hand before running a corner along Spence's cheek and dropping it into his lap. Leaning forward just slightly, I kept my voice low. "Good enough for you?"

Alex and I shared the same expression as we watched Ryan, yelling cat calls. In an odd way, it was almost like a proud father look. We grinned at each other as Spencer nodded feverously once Ryan's shirt was off. I wondered what he had said. But, knowing my boyfriend and the excitement that Spencer showed, I wasn't quite sure if I really did want to know. "He's good!" I smiled to Alex as he agreed, getting up to get Ryan's drink and to refill his own.

I watched Spencer gulp, and again, readjust himself as Ryan started to get out of his lap. "Well, that was...." Spencer started, but just smiled and shook his head.

"That's my boy!" I grinned as I got on my knees to help Ryan get off Spencer since his leg wasn't the best pivoting point to move around. Kissing the side of Ryan's head, I smiled at Spencer as he handed me the dice once my hands were free, and Ryan was back to his original position. I really didn't want to let go of Ryan. His skin felt so warm and soft. But I sighed, moving back to my spot and throwing the dice.

It rolled on a six. And since we had already removed our shoes and socks when we got here, and my shirt was gone...I was left with my shorts. With nothing underneath. I sighed. Of course I would be the first one to remove my clothing and Spencer was still completely clothed. Standing up, I undid my belt and dropped my shorts to the floor, flipping off Spencer as he yelled 'Take it off!'

"Alex, it's your turn!" I shouted, sitting back down and taking a long drink.

I settled down in my spot again but I made the decision that since I seemed to be able to get under Spence's skin that if I had choices for different things throughout the night that I should definitely chose him. I liked his reaction and I had fun doing it too. I could only imagine just how much fun I could have had giving him a real lap dance without the fucking cast. Then again, I could probably do one if he weren't on the floor. If he were in a chair, cast or no cast, I could probably do a pretty damn good job, I thought.

Alex made his way over to me and handed me my drink with a smile on his lips. "Been a while since I've seen those moves...nearly forgot you had them." He pressed a kiss to my forehead before sitting down. "You looked smokin hot, Ry." He winked and then looked over at Brendon. "There should be some rule about the first person to get naked." He laughed as he took the die and rolled it. He pouted a little when it came up truth because he always thought dares were more fun.

He picked up a truth card. "Who was someone that you could have had sex with, but chose not to. Why?"

I watched as Alex looked at the card after reading it. It took him a few moments before he looked up again and glanced over at me. "Well...I'm going to have to say Pete." He paused and I knew he was waiting to see if I was going to react badly to that. "And I didn't because I knew it would be bad for my relationship with my best friend even though it would probably do good things for my career to be Pete's new play thing."

I raised a brow at Spencer and we made eye contact and shook our heads. What was it about Pete Wentz? I knew we were both asking the same thing to ourselves. I took another drink and clinked the ice cubes around, mixing the rum that settled at the bottom. It looked like one of those soda candy things with the wax, where the bottom was clear, and the top had all the cola substance in it.

Watching Ryan and Alex have a conversation with their eyes, I smiled at Spencer again. "I guess you and I are fucking dogs man, Pete Wentz didn't try and get in our pants!"

Spencer laughed. "Speak for yourself, he was like totally checking me out in the bathroom." Spencer gave his best teen girl voice.

"Like, oh muy gawd, really?"

Nodding, Spencer puffed hot air on his fingernails, and brushed them across his shirt. Leaning in, he looked at the other two and smiled. "And believe me, he has nothing on you!" I winked and pointed to my crotch. I was shaking I was laughing so hard. Shit. I already knew that. I think any guy who had the internet had already compared there junk with Pete Wentz. But that couldn't stop me from laughing.

I wiped my eyes as I glanced up, seeing Ryan staring at me. I gave him a huge innocent smile. "Your turn, right?"

I looked over at Alex as I took a sip from my drink and reached for the die. I was trying to not let them laughing about Pete bother me, I really was. Brendon and I would never, ever see eye to eye on the whole topic of Pete, I knew I had to just ignore it, so I tried. I took another, long drink from my glass before putting it down and rolling the die. I felt Alex reach over and rub at my ankle a little as it fell to one side.

Drawing a dare card I quirked my eyebrow. "Make out with the player to your left for five minutes. If the player is your partner, make out with the player to their left."

I smirked and looked over at Alex. "I guess that means it's you and me, Lex."

He grinned and got to his knees, moving over to me. "If you were more mobile I'd make you come to me, but since you're not...I'll help you out here." He grinned and pulled me to him as he reached me. It had been normal for he and I when we were together, he was always beneath me when we'd make out in the past, so it was normal for him to pull me into his lap instead of climbing into his, besides, it'd give the other two a better view of my body with me on top.

He gripped the base of my skull and pulled my lips to his and I kissed him deeply and passionately, reveling in the feeling of his piercings and his mouth and doing my best to remember that my boyfriend was sitting across from us so I wouldn't get too caught up in the make out session I was in the middle of, which was beyond difficult when you had Alex's lips and mouth against yours. I groaned softly as he tugged on my lower lip and it was then I realized we didn't tell anyone to time us.

I couldn't help but giggle, looking over at Spencer. There wasn't much we could do for the next few minutes. I mean, I guess we could watch, but it didn't really seem like anything new. Since I was naked, Spencer took it upon himself to be an ass to me. He reached over and flicked my cock and winked at me. "WHAT THE FUCK!" I laughed, the stinging subsiding pretty quickly from the alcohol in my system.

"You know, if you would have sat over there." I grinned pointing in the direction of the couch. "That could have been you!"

"Yea, at least I got a lap dance!" Spencer smiled. "All you've got was nakedness!"

I stuck my tongue out at him. "No." I giggled, the movement sending the rum straight to my head. "I got a finger blowjob!"

"OH YEA!"

Spencer and I sat back and watched the other two make out for a couple more minutes, no one really keeping time. When I got bored, I said 'Times Up' and the two of them separated, breathing heavily. Smiling at them I asked. "Feel like old times again?" As Spencer reached for the die, which told him to remove an article of clothing.

It was my turn again. So I rolled once we were all settled. Shit. I got truth again. Picking up a card, I read. "What is one of your biggest sexual fantasies?" Biting my lip, I let out a sigh. "Really." I shrugged. "Right now, I mean, I can't wait until I bottom with Ryan." I smiled over at him. "I think it will be one of the most amazing things in the world, because I know he will take care of me." Nodding, I handed the die to Alex

Alex moved me back onto the floor and took the die to roll it for himself. I looked over at Brendon and smiled softly at him, it was exciting to hear that he was actually looking forward to bottoming for me, even if I much preferred to bottom myself. I know Bren liked being on top, so I wasn't really worried that he was going to suddenly turn around and tell me he wanted to bottom like every time, cause if he did that I would be scared it would be the end of us pretty fast although I was sure we could work something out.

Alex rolled and came up with a truth card. "Have you ever taken someone else's virginity? Who was it?" He looked over at Spence and grinned. "Well, if we're counting gay sexual virginity then I took Spence's in my bedroom right over there...if we're talking virginity completely...well then....yeah. There was this kid back in high school." His eyes met mine. "His name was Zach and he had the perfect little body..."

We shared a grin and a short laugh before the turn passed on to me and I rolled, pulling a dare card. "Uh oh, not another one..." I laughed softly before picking up a dare card. "Have the player to your right tell you what their favorite part of your body is and why. You must expose that body part while he touches it and describes why they like it."

My eyes trailed to Spence and I smirked. "Looks like it's you and me again..." I threw my arms out to the sides. "So tell me which body part?" I grinned a little as I put down the card and took a drink while I waited for Spencer's response.

"Um." I smirked at Spencer as he placed his finger on his lip, acting like he was thinking. "Let me think." I rolled my eyes, as if it weren't obviously what the sexiest part of George Ryan Ross the third was. Shaking my head, I kicked Spencer's foot. "Oh, yea, sorry...."

He got on his knees and moved behind Ryan. Upon leaning Ryan's back against chest, he ran his fingers down Ryan's exposed body. "Let me think..." He winked at me as he circled the left nipple. "I'm going to have to go with his hipbones." We smiled at each other, I knew he was recalling the time I talked to him after the first time I saw Ryan naked. It was while we were setting up for my graduation party. I told him that Ryan had the most amazing hipbones in the world. And he agreed, saying he used to stare at him when Ryan would be at his locker in school.

"What I like about these hipbones, let me count the ways..." He started, his hands on either side of Ryan's torso, index fingers pointed to run along Ryan's grooves. "They are sharp. And prominent." His fingers disappeared more into Ryan's pants. "Smooth and rigid." He brought his fingers back out, tracing them again. "And when he stretches just right, you can see it when his shirt rids up. It teases you. Simply teases you." He laughed as he teased Ryan's body and moved to sit back and roll the dice.

"Let's see!" he picked up a dare card and read it aloud. "Make a player take off their clothes and act out 'I'm a little tea pot'." His grin grew wide as he looked over at Alex. He sang. "My-mother-told-me-to-pick-the-very-best-and-it-is-you!" He pointed to Alex.

I looked over at Spencer and smiled a little before leaning over to murmur. "If I knew you liked them so much I'd show them off more for you." I winked at him as I sat back and turned my attention back to Alex and Brendon.

Alex laughed and shook his head. "This is sexual? Who made up this shit?!" Still shaking his head, he stood up and stripped. I bit my lip and grinned as I looked at him. He always had had a good body, I just think it had gotten even better over the year he'd been gone. My eyes settled on his hip where the tattoo he'd gotten was and I grinned to myself. It was fun watching him get it and it was personal to the both of us, it reminded us of our friendship. It was a small cluster of stars, really the cluster was two, one looking like it was embracing the other. Let's just say the larger was him and the smaller was me.

He started doing a little dance and singing the little tea pot song. It made us all laugh cause it was so damn adorable. Once he was done he sat down and looked over at Brendon. "So...Spence needs to take some clothes off, ya think? Maybe one of us can get something that'll require that of him. Preferably something that makes him get naked."

Grinning, he threw handed the die to Brendon and winked at him. As Brendon threw the die he was chanting softly, wishing and hoping for something that would get Spencer naked or at least without article of clothing although I could tell that his preference was for completely naked. I laughed softly and shook my head as I finished my drink and leaned toward Spence, reaching over to touch him softly. "I think they want you naked Spence." I grinned and winked at him. "First time for me to check out your hips..."

Spencer shrugged. "I have the gods working for me. I won't get naked any time soon." At least that's what I think he said. I was too busy doing a like, million-take on Alex's tattoo. What the fuck!?!?! My mouth was open and I was probably drooling from the amount of alcohol that had numbed my lips.

"What the?!!?!?!?!" I let out, pointing to his hips like he grew another dick or something. "When did you?!?!" I looked up at him. "You didn't have it after the wreck!!!" I got to my knees to inspect it. Moving over to him, I touched my hands to it, then to mine. They were in about the same place. I wrinkled my forehead and leaned in, taking it in even more. "Stars. I like it!" I looked up and smiled, moving back to my spot.

I sat back on my knees and moved over to my spot, smiling at Ryan. Picking up the dice, I looked at Spencer with a raised brow. "Got luck on your side Smith?" He nodded and laughed as I rolled the dice. It landed on a dare. "You have won this time, but there are a lot of rolls!" I pointed to the other two. "Ok." I read the card. "Serenade the group with the sexiest song you know."

"Hmm..." I thought aloud staring at my knees. Then it popped into my head. "Ok, so this is just a song I wrote, and like, there is no real tune to it. But, um, it's about...yea." I looked at Ryan, not really wanting to tell him it was about us, but they could probably tell. "Well...sex." I laughed. Snapping my fingers, I sat back more on my feet, my knees digging into the carpet. And I start singing: "I'll slip you out of those clothes / You know I'm making a mess of all of this / And with each and every breath / I'll make sure we take the right steps to getting you on to me / To give you all you need / I'd rather make you come than go / I'd rather make your body feel incredible / So come on and get comfortable / As I shed off almost every other inch of your clothes, yeah / And we're making out faster than we had planned on / And you're having doubts so I have come prepared to / Take over and doubt of both of our hands / I will prove to you that we're overdue and hopefully you understand..."

I blushed as I opened my eyes and looked at Ryan. "Yea, so, I kinda wrote that a few weeks ago, and can't get it out of my head..."

I smiled at Brendon as he finished his song and leaned over to give him a quick kiss before leaning back a little again and glancing over at Alex who had picked up the die and was playing with it between his fingers. "I liked it Bren...why don't you turn that into a song on your next album? It'd be hot."

Alex winked at Spencer before looking over at Brendon. "What you were pointing at Bren, it's called a tattoo and I got it at the beginning of the week. So no, I didn't have it right after the wreck..." he got a little quiet at that and my eyebrows shot up a little as his eyes met mine. I reached over and held onto his hand as he threaded our fingers a little. He didn't like thinking about the wreck let alone talking about it. He continued after the pause. "I'm glad you like it though."

He smiled over at Brendon before giving my hand a squeeze and taking his away to roll the die. It came up on a dare, of course, because I swear the game and die was rigged to be sure that the most dares came out as humanly possible. He chuckled and shook his head as he picked up the next dare card and read it aloud. "Perform a nude lap dance for the person on your left." I bit my lip as my eyes darted over to my boyfriend. I knew that Bren kinda had a thing for Alex, even if it would never get in the way of he and I or whatever was going on between Spence and Alex, but I knew he still had a little bit of a thing for him.

Alex looked at Brendon and smirked. "Looks like you get a more up close and personal view of that tattoo, Bren." He wiggled his eyebrows a little before getting to his feet and beckoning Brendon toward him. "I can't give you a lap dance on the floor, it's too hard..." he grabbed one of the chairs from the table and plopped it down so that Spence and I could watch before he shoved Brendon down into it. He grabbed the remote and turned on the stereo to whatever was on and he started a very sexy lap dance for my boyfriend.

I slouched down, resting my shoulder back on the chair speechless, motionless. And way too full of feelings. I gulped as Alex moved to straddle my legs. The tattoo almost staring at me. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch it as I gripped harder on the legs of the chair. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Which didn't help, because I only took in his scent, and lost more control.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. His body. His skin. The way his hips moved to the music, yet carried their own beat. Shuddering a deep breath, I saw him shiver as I let it out. A smile formed on my lips to know that somewhere, deep down, this confident Alex may even be a little nervous or shy too. Or, I could just be over thinking and not paying attention to Alex who has now....

SWEET MOTHER OF GOETTA! He pressed his thighs on my hips, squeezing my legs together, my cock half hard, falling between them. I bit back the sting and pressure as I looked up to his chest coming straight at me. His left nipple ring glides across my chin, followed by the right. The cool metal shot straight to my cock as I forget to breath. And...luckily, I lost track of what he was doing, gripping the chair harder, and wishing and praying that I don't come while he was on me.

Somehow, somewhere, my prayers are answered as the song ends. I continue to stare at the skin in front of me while he gets up and shuts off the music, smirking. Chills ran up and down my body. "Well..." I let out as I stood wobbly legs and place the chair back, then sat on my knees again.

I chuckled softly and grinned as Brendon and Alex sat down. Spence and I had had a great view of the whole thing, including a very hot view of Alex's ass and the other tattoo he had on the inside of his thigh from the year we'd been apart. We also had a very nice view of his cock and Brendon's body and reactions. It was hot as fuck and I squirmed a little because it was my very naked best friend (and ex lover) and my very naked boyfriend who I just watched and I was a bit jealous, but I tried to ignore it. I bit my lip a little and looked over to Spencer, feeling like he was in the same situation as I was.

Looking back over at Brendon I quirked my eyebrow slightly. "I take it you liked that, huh Bren?"

I shook my head and reached over to pick up the die, chewing on my lip while I threw the die and watched it land on truth. I smirked slightly and picked up one of the truth cards, looking at it for a moment before reading it. "Describe your most recent unexpected sexual experience in detail."

I chuckled a little and looked over at Alex, our eyes met and I was pretty sure he knew what was going through my head before I put the card down and licked my lips. "Well...Alex and I were at the tattoo parlor...there were people all around getting tattoos and piercings and shit and I sat there, watching the needles go in and out of the skin, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out. Fast, quick, piercing the skin, leaving the ink behind, moving, filling in more and more and more, tracing and outlining, the needles going in and out, in and out." I paused and took a shaky breath and looked up shyly at Alex, he was chuckling softly to himself. "I um...it kinda turned me on and I had to take some time to calm down in the bathroom in the back...by myself and all....cause um...yeah...I kinda found it hot..."

I quirked a brow at Ryan, grinning and winking. "You know, you could have called me and I would have helped you out with the situation over the phone, since...well, that's how it all got started!" I teased, blowing him a kiss and mouthing 'I love you'. "But, I can relate. When I got mine, a chick did it and she thought I was turned on by her breasts that were practically falling out of her shirt. But, obviously she was wrong. And I told her that. I mean, that I was gay. And she said it was a disappointment, all the cute ones are. And I mean, look around!"

Spencer laughed. "Shit man, calm down."

"What? I get turned on about hearing my boyfriend get turned on!"

Shaking his head, he picked up the dice and threw them at me, watching it bounce off my chest and land on a dare. He clapped his hands and picked up a card. "If you are still clothed, have the person to your right remove an article of clothing, with his or her teeth. If you are naked...BLAH BLAH BLAH!" He looked over at me and grinned that huge grin that made his collarbone even more prominent.

I smiled and stared at him. To his right...OH! THAT WAS ME! Oh...That. Was. Me... I bit my lip as he made his way over to me, basically placing his crotch right in my face. Good thing he was wearing pajama pants already, cause this could get difficult. I leaned forward and pulled at the drawstring, untying the bow and nudging it out of the way as I bit around the elastic, getting up on my knees in the process. I managed to pull them out, then shimmed them down to about his knees. I has trying not to laugh at the situation, then he shoved my head, my teeth closing with a loud crack and said, "That's enough!" And laughed himself.

I shook my head and got up, gripping onto the edge of the couch as I did before walking very carefully into the kitchen. I pulled out the bottle of coconut rum and the bottle of coke and tried to measure the rum into my glass before deciding 'fuck it' and poured in as much rum as I wanted and topping the glass off with coke for the rest of it. I took a little sip and smiled slightly before looking over at the guys.

"Okay....who needs a refill?!"

Alex looked up and chuckled, he could tell from the look in my face that I'd had quite a bit already but it was half the fun of the night. We were just going with it, goofing off, fucking around, having fun and drinking. We didn't have a lot to do the next day anyway, there was the huge party the next night and then Saturday was packing up and saying goodbye to everyone, so really, the rest of our trip to LA was a lot of partying and relaxing. It didn't really matter if we got trashed and I didn't really care if we did.

Alex rounded up everyone's glasses and brought them over to the counter so I could play bartender and fill them up for everyone. I grinned at Alex as I played about bartender and mixing drinks for the guys. It was fun and I danced a little the best that I could as I did. Eventually, after laughing at me for a few minutes, he made his way around behind the counter to wrap his arms around my waist. "Easy on the alcohol, Ry...you can't end up passed out drunk before we finish the game."

I chuckled and shook my head, leaning against him a little and looking over at Bren and Spence. "Are you done getting Spence naked?"

I grinned and nodded at the two, then got up. "We got any snacks? I could use some food." Then it hit me. First the air, then the reality that I was walking around naked. And my best friend was naked. And my boyfriend's best friend was naked too. It seemed a little weird, but I shrugged it off as I walked over to my drink, the one with the hot pink straw, and tipped it to my lips and chugged over half of it down. I winked at Ryan and pouted. "Could you please top that off for me as I look for the Cheetos we brought?"

Once we got some food and the drinks back over, we were all back into the circle again. I took another sip of my drink then rolled the dice once everyone was settle. It landed on a truth. And I sighed. Why did I always get the boring ones? Picking up a card, I read it to the other players. "How old were you when you lost your virginity and who with." Taking the card between my two fingers, I flicked it across the room. "BORING!" I giggled, the alcohol really finally getting to my head.

I laughed, and slurred a little. "We all know the answer. It was right over there!" I pointed to Ryan's room. "And like...two months ago. I'm a late bloomer." I nodded matter of factly and smiled. "But I will make up for it! All in due time." Spencer reached over and flicked the tip of my cock again, causing me to yell fuck and launch at him. We wrestled for a few minutes and somehow I ended up pinned on my back, my shins pressing against his chest. " "What a compromising situation." I laughed.

Alex shook his head and slid closer to me since I was getting no loving in the situation. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in against him, his hand sliding across my stomach a little. "You know, Ry, we're all naked now but you. I think we are going to need to figure out a way to change that pretty damn soon, don't you think?"

I smiled and shrugged a little, looking up at Alex over my shoulder. "Why? I get a pretty sexy view of my best friend's slamming hot body and his tattoo for me." I reached over and ran my fingertips gently over the skin at his tattoo, smiling softly at him as I did so before looking over at Brendon and Spencer. "And then my boyfriend over there is damn near prancing around naked. And now look, I get to check out his best friend too." My eyes ran over Spencer's body and I started to really look at him like I was considering him, which in many ways I was.

"Hmm, I think we should all get together and you guys should always be naked a lot more often." I felt Alex's lips press into my shoulder and I sighed softly. "I'm serious though. I think in our condo we should have like, naked Fridays or something..." I looked at him over my shoulder. "It is your turn by the way, Lex."

I could feel him chuckle through my back as he looked over at Brendon and Spence and reached for the die. "Okay you two, back it off, we're playing a game here and my Ry is still clothed. Something tells me we need to get this game to the point where he needs to take off his clothes too, don't you think?" He grinned and rolled the die, groaning when it came up truth. "What the fuck, truth doesn't get Ry's clothes off!"

Leaning forward just slightly, I grabbed a truth card and handed it to Alex so he could read it. "Describe the hottest night you've ever had." I felt his lips press into the back of my head as he considered what he was going to say before he pressed his face against mine and spoke so I could feel it vibrating through me and he was looking at Brendon and Spencer. "There was this night, back when Ry and I were together. He came over for what our version of a date was back then...I ended up spreading him across the island in the kitchen, we made an absolute mess on the island and the granite was cold on our skin. It was hot, and it was fun, then we had dinner and went to go watch Pirates of the Caribbean..." He ran his fingers along the waist band of my pants. "And Ry got a little excited over Jack Sparrow and Will Turner...so we had another very hot round on the couch, Ry in my lap and his body...mmm....perfectly open..." I could feel him looking down at me where I was against him, his hand resting on my stomach and I heard him murmur against me. "Sitting like this reminds me of that night...only you're wearing too many clothes right now."

I bit my lip as I listened to the story. Part of me wanted to roll my eyes, just because I was a dick like that. The other part of me wanted my chest to swell. But then, deep down, I was getting turned on by it. The thought of Ryan spread out on cold surfaces. I didn't care anymore. I was horny and I was drunk. I ran my hand to my crotch and palmed it a total of six times. I promise. I counted.

Looking over to Spencer, I licked my lips and then nodded to Alex and Ryan. "Good Story!" I smiled and winked at Ryan, picking up the dice and handing them to him. With his hand outstretched to reach them, I kissed his wrist and grinned. "I agree, you do need to get naked." Then I pressed the dice into his hand and blew on it.

Low and behold he drew a six. Which meant, he needed to get naked! I clapped and grabbed Spencer's hand, so he could watch while Alex helped him out of his bottoms. I smirked gleefully at Spencer as my boyfriend's clothes were finally removed. Glancing back, something caught my eye. Ink. A tattoo.

For the second time of the night, my heart skipped a beat. My jaw dropped as I looked from the tattoo to Ry's eyes and back to the tattoo. This was my Ryan. And I had no reservation. My fingers found there way to the stars, which matched Alex's and I pressed there, right below the hipbone. A place I knew was a point to turn him on. "Ry..." I muttered as I connected with his eyes again.

Not caring about the other people in the room, I balanced forward and placed my lips on the mark. Kissing it quickly, then lapping at it. Feeling Ryan shift, I pecked it again, than licked the skin around it, nuzzling my nose into his hipbone. At this point, everyone else was muted. Yet, someone's hand was on my back, and for the life of me, I couldn't tell who, nor could I care less.

I whimpered softly and put my fingers into Brendon's hair. The skin was still sensitive and the attention Brendon was giving it wasn't entirely bad, but at the same time wasn't entirely good either. I bit my lip to try and ignore the discomfort and my eyes slid closed as my hand gripped into his hair a little before finally tugging at it a little to get him to pull off my skin. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked down at him before looking at the tattoo.

"Bren..." I licked my lips and leaned against Alex a little. "I..." I licked my lips again and gave him a small smile. "We just got them on Tuesday...it was something we'd talked about doing since we came out here." I gave him another smile and shrugged a little. "It's still sensitive and I've been trying not to give it away by wincing when my clothes were moving against it. I hoped it'd be healed by the time you saw it...Obviously not though..."

My lips twisted slightly to the side and I looked down at him before tugging him up to press a soft kiss to his lips. "I'm taking it that you like it though..." I bit my lip as the edges curled up into a grin and I felt Alex shift a little behind me as he was helping to support me in sitting up. I'd had enough alcohol to need that support without anything behind me, but I didn't know if it was a bad thing in Bren's book that Alex was so close while he was lavishing attention on me and my brand new tattoo.

I reached down and lightly ran my finger over the still healing flesh. It still surprised me that I actually went and got the tattoo no matter how much I loved it and how important it was to me. It still surprised me whenever I saw it that it was actually there.

I glanced over and saw Spencer obviously not being able to see it through Brendon's head and I giggled and squirmed a little against Alex. "C'mere Spence, you want to see?" I grinned and gave Brendon a gentle shove. "Your blocking your best friend's view of my...um...tattoo." I wiggled my eyebrows because looking at the tattoo also meant looking at me. I'd seen Spence now, might as well make it even and give him a full view of me.

"Oh, I um." Looking from Ryan to Alex moved back so Spencer could see. "Yea, I like it." I tried to smile at Ryan, but he was looking at Spencer. Fuck. All I wanted to do was show him how much I liked it. I mean, all I really wanted to do was to be able to touch him. I knew Alex had, and I knew that Spencer would. I just wanted a chance. Yes Bren, throw a fucking pity party.

I watched Spencer and Alex make a big deal over the tattoos. Which, yes, they were hot. But, I wanted to praise Ryan for it. And did he honestly think I could go all week without seeing him naked? Had he planned on coming here, getting a tattoo and not letting me see him naked, kiss him naked, sleep with him naked, give him a blow job or even fuck him. Shit. I knew what it was like. I had a tattoo in about the same spot. Maybe I was more tolerant to pain. But, I would have thought that kissing it would be sensitive and feel amazing.

I used to touch mine when I first got it and press it while I lay naked in bed at night, and it made it feel good. Hell, it reminded me of when I got it. And turned me on. But, I guess, not for Ryan. I smiled at Spencer as he raved more about the matching tattoos and nodded in agreement with him. For Alex and Ryan, it just fit, you know. Personally I was surprised they did not get each other's names tattooed on one another. It wouldn't have shocked me one bit.

I sat back, crossing my arms over my bent up knees holding the dice. Rolling it around in my hand, I watched Spencer sit back down. "Now, I guess you will need to get one, huh? Since everyone else does, why not join the party?" He rose a brow at me, flattening out his smile and shrugged. "Hey." I smiled at Spencer. "It's your turn." And tossed him the dice. Spencer took the die, and picked up a Dare card. Upon reading it, he grinned and showed it to Ryan.

My eyebrows rose as Spence handed me the card. I looked down and they shot up even higher as my eyes shot to Spencer. They came back to the card and I read it out loud. "Lay down with your legs parted. The player to your left, starting at your belly button, must run their finger down in a straight line until you make some involuntary reaction (gasp, moan, etc.). If nothing happens by the time they get all the way down and through to your ass, you must do the same to them to see if they'll react."

My eyes returned to Spencer and I tilted my head to the side a little as I regarded him. "That means you and me Spence..." My lips curved up. "Lay down and spread 'em." I chuckled softly before reaching out for my glass and downing whatever was still there. "Um, floor or couch?" I was trying to figure out how exactly I was going to be able to position myself and still be able to do what the card said I had to do. I had the feeling we'd end up on the floor with me between his legs, talk about interesting situations!

Biting my lip I moved a little toward Spencer. I could feel the humm of the alcohol in my veins and I was a little nervous of how Bren was going to react to this new part of the game, it was the first full on contact between any of us and it was me and his best friend.

Spence laid down on the floor and I took a moment to breathe and just look at him as he was laid out in front of me. It really was quite hot and sexy to see him all laid out there as if just asking to be ravished and be had. I licked my lips and crawled between his legs and settled myself down as I reached up and rested my fingertip against his navel and started to very slowly drag it down. It slipped down along his skin, grazing it gently as it made it's way lower and lower, slipping to the base of his cock and slowly sliding up towards the head.

I got up on my knees, and moved over to Alex. Getting behind him, I shoved my arms under his arm pits and pulled him up more, kneel-walking us over to get a better view. Brushing my lips against this shoulder, I kept them there, licking the skin in front of me every once and a while as I tried to peer over his long torso. I smiled down at Spencer, who's eyes were closed. I felt my cock twitch, so I moved closer to Alex, practically sliding it along his crack.

Grinning as he stiffened for about a nanosecond, I watched Ryan's finger travel along his cock, and down to his balls. I knew if it were me, I would have been gone by now, but my eyes flashed up to Spencer's face as I laughed. "Look at him." I whispered into Alex's ear, involuntarily thrusting my lower half into his backside. "He is trying so fucking hard." Giggling, I spoke louder so that the other two could here. "Give it up Spencer. There is no fucking way you can last with those long, cat like fingers, running over your skin. Picture me fucking your mom all you want. It's not going to help!"

Just as Ryan passed Spencer's balls, he let out a huge gust of air that he had been holding in, then threw his hips up into Ryan's finger. Shit. I was surprised Ry didn't penetrate at that point. I kissed Alex's shoulder again in triumph and gave him a tight squeeze, just letting my head rest against his back. He was warm and not as bony as Ryan, it was nice to have a little meat on his bone. I wanted to laugh. He weighed less than me, but more than his slightly taller best friend.

"Told you he was good with his hands!" I smiled at Spencer as he flipped me off. He probably could have done it if I hadn't had said anything.

"Yea. And I told you you had a big fucking mouth!" He spat at me, playfully.

"Lips, Spen." I laughed. "Big lips!"

I shook my head and laughed a little, slipping my hand along the inner curve of Spence's thigh as I looked over at Brendon and Alex. Alex slapped Brendon's arm softly. "Hey, no fucking my back, I don't bottom and unless you're going to spread 'em like your best friend, we aren't going there." He smirked and shook his head as he looked back over at me and Spencer and there looked like there was almost a challenge in his eyes.

Shaking my head, I looked up to Spencer and grinned a little. "Did Bren break your concentration, Spence?" I shifted a little and moved up further between his legs until my body was touching the insides of his thighs, my hand sliding up to ghost over his hip. "I'd say we could do it again, but I think your concentrations broken for good now and even if we tried again you wouldn't be able to hold out for it, could you?"

I smirked a little and laid over him a little. "Should we test my reactions?" I grinned and quirked my eyebrow at him as I licked my lips. "Want to see if I could last longer?" My knee shifted and I glanced down, realizing my knee was damn near pressing into his crotch and chuckled softly. "Unless you want to...I don’t know...do something else?"

"Whoa! What're you two scheming up over there?" I glanced over at him and smiled all innocently.

"Nothing."

Spencer shook his head then looked at me. That 'What the fuck are you doing?' stare, then back at Ryan. "No, you don't want me to like jizz all over you or something, I think, I think we are done now, I mean, we don't, like want Bren to piss off Alex even more, cause he might end up with a broken bone too." Spencer held onto Ryan's arms and helped him up. "I lost the dare fair and square. If I didn't stop." He smirked at Ryan once he was firmly on the ground again. "I would have come or something, and that would be way more embarrassing." He laughed lightly.

I moved away from Alex and sat next to Spencer. Leaning in, I stared him in the eye. "You were thinking about me fucking your mom, weren't you, you sicko!" Shoving me he laughed. "SPEN! Your grandma! GROSS!"

I was able to move away before he pulled on my leg, and slapped the back of my thigh. Loud enough to sting my ears and hard enough to leave a mark. "Just fucking roll the die, you piece of shit!"

Laughing, I massaged my leg and sat back down, winking up at Ryan and blowing him a kiss. Picking up the dice and tossing it to a dare. I smiled, taking a card and reading. "Spend Seven Minutes in Heaven with the person across from you while the others listen. The more noise, the better." Grinning, I made my way over to Ryan. "It is in a closet? Or can we have a bedroom?" I didn't wait for an answer as I scoped Ryan up bridal style and walked him into his room. Laying him on the bed, I crawled up to him. "Seven minutes in heaven, huh?" I kissed his chest. "They'll probably spend it the same way we are."

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:25:55 GMT

Title: The Bachelor [2/6]
Author: howido_fics
Pairing: Ryan/various
Rating: PG-13
Summary: One guy looking for true love from one of 16 men. Based off the TV show. Too many guys at the moment to name, haha.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these people. This is completely fictional.
Dedication: To the 30 of you who read and commented, I would type out your names, but I'm lazy, and am horrible with the html shit...so, yea, you guys rock! OH! and to my beta ~~even tho I reread last night and found some shit, and there is prolly more~~ but thanks Kayt! And yes, you all can blame her, haha.
Previous Chapters: 1

The following day, Ryan enters the house about 1pm. The guys have just finished eating lunch and are wearing two different color tishirts. Eight of them are wearing red while the other are wearing blue. One set will spend the day with Ryan, the other the night. They are as follows:

RED
Adam
Jesse
John
Spencer
Mikey
Brendon
Matt
Zacky

BLUE
Travis
Patrick
Pete
Frank
Jon
Gabe
Jepha
Will

Mike: Good afternoon gentlemen, if you haven't noticed, or cared to notice, you are wearing one of two colors. Right now, if you don't mind, I would like the red shirts to go back to their rooms and get their tennis shoes while the blue, you guys can go sit tight until tonight. Don't do anything too crazy in your shirts, you have to wear them tonight with Ryan.

The crowd dispersed, a few sticking around to say hello to Ryan and ask him about his day. Once the red returned and the blue had vanished, they were informed of how their date would be spent: on a bike trail. Most of the guys seemed excited about it, but a few were hesitant. Needless to say, they all hopped in the van to take them to the path, Ryan in the front seat, smiling about the ride he was about to take.

When they finally arrived at their destination, the bikes and helmets were rented, and the guys were out on the path. The plan was a ten mile ride across some plains. No big hills and plenty restrooms and drinking fountains along the way. Ryan could use this time to talk to the guys separately as he rode beside them. Let's catch up on what they are talking about.

Zacky, with the short legs was lagging behind, so Ryan slowed down to ride beside him. Smiles were exchanged as they pedaled side by side, Ryan being the first one to break the ice.

Ryan: You're a tattoo artist, right?
Zacky: -takes deep breath, struggles to keep up- Well, I'm definitely not an exerciser. -laughs hesitantly-
Ryan: -laughs back and slows down again, looking up to see the others way ahead-
Zacky: It's ok if you want to go with them, I'll catch up.
Ryan: No, no. I'm fine, we'll meet them at the next stop.
Zacky: Cool. But, um, yea, I do tattoos. Do you have one?
Ryan: No -shakes head- My father was always against them, and I was never passionate enough about one thing or symbol or word to ink it permanently.
Zacky: Wow, that's a wonderful answer. -shared smiles- So many people look at it now a days like a fad or something, and it kills me. It's almost like degrading what I do, you know?
Ryan: Oh yea, I agree, which is why I would never do it...
Zacky: -laughs-
Ryan: Which one would you say is your proudest?
Zacky: Of my own? Or one I've done?
Ryan: Either or both. -smiles-
Zacky: One I've done, is, well, I'm not sure really. I mean, where I work, with a group of guys, we all have our own talents, and mine is script and words and symbols more than anything, I guess.
Ryan: So do certain people, like, say, one guy draws it out, the other does the outline, then one does the color and you do the text? Sorry, -laughs- I probably sound like an idiot, I have no clue about it...
Zacky: -laughs- No, you are fine, that's a great question actually. -share another smile- And not really, but kind of, I mean, when people make appointments, we simply assign them to whoever will do the best, you know, like if someone wanted to get their name on their chest, then I would do it, or if they wanted a rainbow, then that would be Brian, that sort of thing.
Ryan: Ah, you know, that makes sense.

They continued riding, discussing tattoos, which was something Ryan had always been interested in. Upon meeting up with the rest of the guys, who seemed to have slowed down, Zacky excused himself, stating that someone else needed a turn. That someone else happened to be Jesse, who was riding closely along side John.

Ryan: So you are a writer?
Jesse: Yea.
Ryan: What sort of things do you write? I know you mentioned something about a guy in Detroit. Are you from their?
Jesse: No, I write all kinds of things. I simply learn about the places from books and pictures and the internet.
John: You should read some of his stuff. It's amazing.
Ryan: Yes, I would like to do that.
Jesse: Do you write?
Ryan: Sometimes, I keep pretty busy, but the journal, I can't wait to fill it out.
John: What is it that keeps you so busy?
Ryan: I'm a lawyer.
John: Wow, that must have taken a lot of schooling.
Ryan: Actually, I finished an extra year early, you know, went all year long...
John: Hmm, I want to stay in school as long as I can. I mean...why not?

Matt rode up behind them, slightly clipping Jesse's tire, causing him to swerve and end up in the bushes. When Ryan stopped to help, he was shooed away by John who said he would take care of it and meet them in a few.

Matt: I really didn't mean to do that...
Ryan: -laughs- It's ok, sometimes it's hard to control these things.
Matt: Yea, I haven't ridden a bike since I was like 12 or something.
Ryan: Are you doing ok though? I mean, having fun?
Matt: Oh yes, of course.
Ryan: Cool. So where is it you are from again?
Matt: Florida.
Ryan: Cool, and yea, you gave me the hoodie.
Matt: -smiles-
Ryan: Thanks, I actually did use it last night.
Matt: I know, I would live in mine if I could. -laughs-
Ryan: It was completely cold!

Ryan looks down and screams. Being the leader of the pact, he sees a snake stretched, sunbathing across the trail. Slamming on his breaks. He points to it and stops, letting the other guys go ahead of him and scare the thing out of the way. Mikey comes to his rescue.

Mikey: -shudders- Eew, those things are nasty.
Ryan: -holds chest- My words exactly.
Mikey: I've never been a fan of them, even though my brother had three when we were kids.
Ryan: Did you guys share a room?
Mikey: -nods-
Ryan: How did you sleep at night?
Mikey: I didn't. -laughs-
Ryan: Is your family from LA too then?
Mikey: Nope, Jersey actually.
Ryan: What brings you to the west coast then?
Mikey: I just needed to get away, you know, get out of my brother's shadow.
Ryan: Do you miss them?
Mikey: -looks away- My family, oh yea, but I miss Gerard the most, you know, we were close.
Adam: Where did you say you were from again?
Mikey: Um Jersey. -stares at Adam over the top of his glasses-
Adam: That's where I know you from. You're Gerard's little brother. We used to go to art school together, I came over once to look at his drawings.
Mikey: -squinted in thought, then shook his head- Sorry, I don't remember.
Adam: It's cool. His work is amazing though!
Mikey: See what I mean? I can't escape it. -smiles genuinely and pedals away-
Ryan: -smiles at Adam to his right- What about you? You are big on family, missing people out here?
Adam: Yea, this is actually my first time out of the 'New' states. -laughs-
Ryan: New York and Jersey?
Adam: -nods- You been?
Ryan: Once, for New Years, you know the rite of passage.
Adam: -laughs- Yea. You know from living there, I've never been to the huge thing...
Ryan: Why not?
Adam: -shrugs and smiles- I'd rather spend it with my family.
Ryan: -smiles-
Adam: What about you? You missing your family.
Ryan: -gulps- Yea....HEY GUYS -yells to the people around him- WE ARE ALMOST 3/4THS THE WAY DONE. LET'S TAKE A SHORT 15.

All the guys sighed as they parked their bikes off the trail near a picnic table with ample shade. Magically (by the powers of the camera crews on golf carts) drinks and pretzels were served. Ryan made his way over to sit next to Spencer.

Spencer: -smiles up at Ryan- Hello -wipes forehead free of sweat-
Ryan: Hello Spencer. Enjoying the ride?
Spencer: Of course. It's hot here though. -laughs- The only thing I need to worry about in Denver is the high altitude.
Ryan: Ah, yes, I forgot about that. But it looks good on you. -winks-

And yes, for the record, that was the first flirting besides laughs and smiles that Ryan has shown.

Spencer: -blushes and shakes head- Thanks. The same applies to you.
Ryan: Thanks. So, Spencer. What are you studying?
Spencer: To be a children psychologist slash physical trainer. -laughs-
Ryan: Why are you laughing?
Spencer: Well, I've been working on my thesis, and I've found out that walking and exercise is about as equal to an antidepressant in kids under 13.
Ryan: -shakes head- You know, that makes complete sense.
Spencer: Good, or else I will have to start over.
Ryan: -laughs- We wouldn't want that.
Spencer: Nah, my wallet would probably bite my ass.
Ryan: -laughs- Yea, I'm still waiting for a profit on that...
Adam: ANYONE UP FOR A GAME OF FRISBEE?
Spencer: -looks over at Ryan- How could I say no to frisbee? You coming?
Ryan: Neh, I'm just gonna... -glances around and spots Brendon chasing after a butterfly- -looks to Spencer and points to Brendon-
Spencer: OK, have fun!
Ryan: You too.

Ryan watched as Adam and Spencer form a circle with Mikey, Matt, and Zacky, leaving John and Jesse huddled over the topic of French literature in British cinema. Ryan smiled and walked over to Brendon who was jumping and running around trying to catch the butterfly.

Ryan: So, how many jelly beans did you eat yourself?
Brendon: Um. -stops for a moment and grins at Ryan- Only like a bag...
Ryan: Oh, is that all? -laughs-
Brendon: YEP!
Ryan: -shakes head- Have you ever actually caught a butterfly before?
Brendon: Neh, but I've never actually been on a dating show before, so you gotta try everything.
Ryan: Touche.

-Brendon laughs and chases the butterfly, motioning for Ryan to follow him, which was luckily back towards the rest of the guys. Following it, the insect stops and turns quickly landing on Ryan's shoulder. Brendon walks up to him quietly and slowly.

Brendon: Shhh, hold still. -staring in Ryan's eyes-
Ryan: -holds as still as possible, watching Brendon-
Brendon: -touches Ryan's shoulder lifting the butterfly up on his finger and pulling back, grinning at Ryan triumphantly as the frisbee flies past them, scaring the butterfly away- Dammit....
Ryan: It's ok. -smiles- You tried and caught it right?
Brendon: Yep, and hopefully that will work for the other new things I have tried. -wiggles brows and bounces off towards his bike-

Ryan shook his head and watched the other guys gather up and mount their bikes. The group started off on their way, Ryan trailing behind with the camera crew. It wasn't supposed to turn out like that, but when it was fresh on his mind. Ryan was ready to talk. And oddly enough, Mike appeared out of nowhere.

Mike: So, how was it?
Ryan: -holding his chest, mouth dropped open- How do you do that?
Mike: -shakes head as he pedals- I asked you first...
Ryan: -laughs- It was fun. The weather is great. The ride was exhilarating...
Mike: You sound like a lesbian, give us the juice about the guys!
Ryan: -laughs again- What sort of juice?
Mike: Know who you want to stay? To leave? Wanna make out with?
Ryan: Make out? Do you still say that over the age of 18?
Mike: Stop changing the subject.
Ryan: Well, I definitely have ideas of who I want to leave....
Mike: Wow, that's great.
Ryan: -looks down- I dunno...

The day went by pretty smoothly in Ryan’s eyes. Tonight though could be another story. The rest of the guys were going to a karaoke bar and had to sing. The night got interesting as the drinks were downed and the crowd around them had sang their songs. Pete was the first one to hit the stage.

Pete: This song is dedicated to... –pointed to Ryan and winked- You!

All eyes were on Ryan then back to Pete like a tennis match as Pete did his best rendition of the karaoke classic I Will Survive . It was obvious Pete wasn’t trying hard, or maybe he was, and his liquor just got the best of him. Either way, he finished the song with a huge applause from the crowd and a blush from Ryan, afterwards Pete ran up, jumping in Ryan’s lap and kissing him on the cheek. Ryan allowed Pete to stay in his lap as the others drew straws to see who went next.

Poor Jepha. He didn’t look excited, and Ryan couldn’t help but giggle when he tripped on his way up to the stage. The music started as Jepha’s eyes were glued to the screen singing a John Mellencamp song. He did a great job and even did a little air guitar for the crowds entertainment. When he finished, Ryan politely pushed Pete off his lap and gave Jepha a hug for his courage.

And then came the three stooges. Will, Gabe and Travis did a group effort of a Backstreet Boy song, complete with dance moves, obnoxious gestures, weird eye contact and switching up the parts. The crowd, along with the Bachelor crew were almost in tears by the time they were finished. Will was the only one to smile at Ryan and shake his hand as the other two took recognition from the rest of the bar.

Patrick smiled at Ryan then made his way to the stage. When Ryan first heard the chords to a Marvin Gaye song, he looked skeptical. It didn’t seem a fit for a school teacher from the Midwest. But, he was soon proved wrong. There was not a noise in the place except for what was being emitted from the speakers. People stared and watched in awe as Patrick wowed the crowd with his amazing voice. Ryan was still getting goosebumps as Patrick exited the stage, giving Ryan a shy hug.

Jon and Frank were left staring at each other, neither wanted to sing. Jepha suggested Rock, Paper Scissors. Frank threw a rock; Jon scissors. Sighing, he stepped up to the stage.

Jon: I’m going to apologize in advance. I have never sang outside the shower.

The crowd laughed and ‘aww’ed as Jon did his best to sing Sweet Home Alabama. He did an excellent job. Ok, so maybe he didn’t have the greatest voice, but he gets ten points for audience participation. He even had a sixty year old woman on her feet grooving to the song. He finished the song next to Ryan, where his arm was resting loosely on his shoulder, and he was grinning from ear to ear.

Frank was last, choosing to sing Hero by Foo Fighters. He looked nervous behind the mike, and if at all possible, smaller than usual. Will started to clap his hands to the beat, getting the crowd involved, and by the end, Frank was smiling and having a good time. Jumping off the stage, earning high fives, he pressed through the people, ending up next to Ryan with a humble smile.

They were about to leave when Travis and Gabe started chanting ‘Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!’ Ryan blushed and looked over at Mike.

Mike: It’s not in the contract, but, you know, it could delay your voting process a good five minutes…

Ryan laughed, walked to the stage and picked up the mike. He sang a Third Eye Blind song, with the Bachelor contestants in the ‘front row’. Some even with lighters egging him on to craziness.

They left the bar singing and laughing. The ride back was entertaining to say the least. Well, it was for the contestants, but Ryan sat in the front seat of the van, chewing on his nails. He had a big decision in front of him.

Mike: Did you have fun?
Ryan: -snaps out of dream- Um, yea. Lots of talent.
Mike: -laughs- Yes, they are talented. The guys are in the foyer waiting. You ready?
Ryan: No…
Mike: -laughs again- I wouldn’t be if I were you either, but you have to know.
Ryan: I do. I just. I don’t want anyone to leave.
Mike: -raises brow- So, you are one of them?
Ryan: -laughs- No, I’m a one guy kind of guy, it’s just…
Mike: -grabs arm- Come on…we can’t leave them waiting!
Ryan: -groans-

When Ryan and Mike make it to the room, all the guys were dressed in the supplied tuxedos. Which, in turn, made it even harder for Ryan. He was a sucker for a man in black. Licking his lips, he stared at the table with ten roses and back to the guys.

Ryan: I used to watch these shows like a bad addiction. And I always thought that deciding between the last two in the end had to be the hardest decision. But I am wrong, very wrong. This right here is the hardest decision I will make. –sighs- But, I do have to make a decision.

I had a great time with all of you. And you all gave me wonderful thoughtful gifts. I know those of you who I spent the evening with, we didn’t get much of a one on one together, but, the songs you sang and how you interacted really showed a lot. More than say a five minute chat. And this afternoon, the ride was amazing. It was refreshing, and nice to see everyone getting physical. –laughter fills the room- As you can see, I only have ten roses to pass out, and there are sixteen of you.

It is nothing against those of you who will be sent home. It is just the circumstances, and too little amount of time to get to know you. I may be missing out by sending you home, but I don’t want to live this competition thinking of the regrets.

-picks up a rose- First off, Frank. –Frank steps forward- It was great watching you transform and shine on stage. When I first met you, I thought you would be shy, but seeing you grow in a matter of three minutes, I knew that I couldn’t let my first impression take over. After seeing that, I know that there is someone hidden in there that will be great to have around. So, will you accept this rose and stay?

-Frank nods, takes the rose, and hugs Ryan-

Jepha. –Jepha take two steps to Ryan and smiles- I would be a dork and say ditto about Frank’s speech, but, come on, you sang Mellencamp. –everyone laughs- In all honestly, there was just something about you from the first time I saw you. And I don’t want to let that go just yet.

Jepha: You don’t have to ask, I accept! –more laughter and a hug exchanged. Frank and Jepha high five-
Ryan: -laughs- Well, ok, then. -gives eye contact to all the guys down the line- Adam -steps forward- I liked your ability to get the guys together and play. -blushes- I mean, with the frisbee, you didn't need anyone to suggest things, you stepped up and did something for yourself and the benefit of others, not really caring and just throwing yourself out there. So, will you accept this rose.
Adam: Of course, and thank you. -bows then presses a kiss to Ryan's hand-
Ryan: Patrick. -let's shoulders fall- I don't know if this is a good enough reason, but your voice completely blew me away. And it makes me wonder what else you are hiding in there. Will you accept this rose?
Patrick: -blushes and nods, scurrying over to the guys, where Jepha is snapping his fingers singing Let's get it on-
Ryan: Matt. I think that you and I are a lot alike, and I want you to stick around so maybe we can find out. I give you this rose. -holds out to Matt-
Matt: And I accept, thank you Ryan. -smiles-
Ryan: -takes deep breath-
Mike: Just five more to go, you hanging in there?
Ryan: -nods- Yes, yes I am. -smiles, looking back at the eleven guys remaining- Will. -Will jumps up in the air, everyone laughs- Um, yea, just because of that! -laughs- Will you...
Will: As Will, I will accept this rose! -takes it from Ryan's hand, grabs both of Ryan's cheeks and presses his lips to Ryan's with a loud smack-
Ryan: -gulps as Will walks away- O-kay. Um, Jon. -shares a grin- The money...well spent, and uh dude you danced with like, an eighty year old! Enough said!
Jon: -laughs and bows at the people catcalling, takes a rose and steps with the chosen crowd-
Ryan: Zacky
Zacky: -holds his chest-
Ryan: I had never had a more interesting conversation about something I was completely clueless about. -smiles- So, I am hoping we can talk more with the same amount of passion about other things. Will you accept this rose?
Zacky: It would be my honor.
Ryan: -gives Zacky a big hug and looks back to the two people who will be staying and the other six that will be sent home- Spencer. -walking forward and smiling- It is extremely enlightening to see someone else my age to have the same values and dreams and aspirations as me. Our talk made us out to look like good friends and colleagues and that sort of thing. I would like to be able to get to know you more, so that maybe it could be more. -laughs- Sorry, it's been a long day, seems to have taken effect on my brain. But, will you accept this rose.
Spencer: -nods- Only because I feel the exact same way. -smiles and gives Ryan a bear hug-
Ryan: -lets out a long sigh- As you all know. I only have one more rose left, and there are seven of you in front of me. The thing with first attractions are that you know right away on some. Also, with unspoken words and simple observations, you can see if someone will click with you. You all are amazing guys, and I know a few of you will we walking away with more of a friend or lover, even, then when you came here with. And for those of you, who that is true, I wish you all the best of luck and happiness. As for the other's I am not choosing to move on today, It was really nothing personal. I just didn't feel a connection. But, I do wish you all the best of luck in your pursuit to finding the perfect man.

That said, I would like to present this rose to someone who shocked me. Someone who I thought was just in this for the experience. I had never seen so much patience and determination in one person before, so, I want this person to stick around, and maybe it will rub off on me. So, Brendon. -a few cheers were heard, and some disappointing sighs- will you accept this rose?

A grin spread across Brendon's face as he accepted the rose. The chosen ten moved forward and mingled with those that were asked to pack their bags and head home.

As the credits roll:

John: He was right, i did find love here. -holds Jesse's hand-
Jesse: Aww, you know it!

~~xoxoxoxoxox~~

Gabe: I really don't...I don't know, I mean, we sang our hearts out!
Travis: -points to self- Shit! That skinny boy was so not ready for this!
Gabe: -sing songs- OH, I'm ready for it, come on bring it!

~~xoxoxoxoxox~~

Mikey: He was nice, but uh, he reminded me again how much I miss my family...so, I'm kinda glad, cause now I have a few days off, so I might go visit them.
Pete: Really? Where to? Need a companion?
Mikey: -grabs his bag and runs-
Pete: WAIT! WAIT! I have a car! And a credit card for gas!

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 19:50:28 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (51/60)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan Spencer/Alex
Rating: R
Summary: Spencer takes Ryan to LA for a visit. Primarily Spencer/Ryan's POV
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO FONT COLOR...MAINLY SPENCER (green) AND RYAN (blue)

It was finally about 10am and Ryan was asleep in the passenger seat as were approaching the California border. We’d had a busy morning getting ready; waking up, showering, breakfast, picking up Brendon, driving back to Ryan’s, packing his car, eating (yes again, (what? Ryan's mom was like the best cook ever...just don't tell my mom I said that), getting Ryan in the car, dropping Bren of at work, him saying goodbye and walking inside before running back out to say goodbye again.

I sighed as I plugged in the iPod Ryan's mom had so generously given me to take him out to LA. Little did she know, I would have done it for free to see Alex, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. I never had an iPod before. My parents would rather pay for my college education and that of my siblings then to spend money on such things. And my values were about the same. The only thing I really owned was my drum kits, and they were my life.

Bren let me import some of his music onto the iPod for the ride up, and then when we got back, he was going to allow me to use his computer to get some more songs on there. Normally, I was just fine with my Discman and cds. Hell, I used to be content with hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes. I wasn't sure if it was the band or the new friends I have acquired, but lately, I have been thinking more highly of materialistic things and well, fashion.

Bobbing my head to Blink, I smiled as I tuned out the bass and guitar, just listening to Travis pound on the drums. He really was a god. Not paying attention to the road, I slammed on the brakes as a car cut me off. I glanced over at Ryan, hopefully not jarring him from sleep. He looked so peaceful in doing so.

Frowning to myself, I opened my eyes and looked around what was outside the car before glancing over at Spence. "Forget how to drive for a minute? Or do you need a break to sleep yourself? I'd offer to drive a bit...but...um..." I shut up because not only could I not because of the leg in the cast, but I also figured I couldn't because I was officially terrified of driving, let alone getting in a car. I was told by the counselor they sent to see me in the hospital that it would be a while before I felt comfortable driving let alone being in a car. I trusted everyone who I got into a car with, but that didn't stop me from being jumpy or nervous.

I glanced at my hands which were gripping onto the seat beneath me, my knuckles were white. I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax my grip on the chair and crossed my arms over my waist as I looked out the window. "So..." I had to break the silence, even though it wasn't really silent. There was music playing which I hadn't realized before. Biting my lip I glanced at the stereo before noticing it was connected to an iPod. Reaching down I picked it up and looked at it.

"Wow, Spence, when did you get this?" I looked over at him with my eyebrows raised. "This is pretty sweet. I wanted one of these, but I have the one Bren gave me, and it’s worked well enough for me. But this...wow, it holds tons of songs, and videos too!" I started playing with it to see what he had on it. "Just think...we can take videos of the band and you can watch them on your iPod..." Smiling, I looked back up at him, realizing I was getting carried away with it. I was jealous a little, how could I not when it looked like it was the most expensive iPod they made? I loved my iPod from Bren, but still, I hadn't decided if I wanted to get the newest model and most expensive one or not since mine was a gift. It felt a little wrong of me to be like 'thanks for the gift Bren, but I want something better.'

I gulped and suddenly blushed, remembering the reason I was driving Ryan out here in the first place, because he was in a car accident. Now here I was slamming on my brakes while Ry was in the car. Well, it's not that I couldn't hit the brakes, I just needed to be more cautious. I mean, if I hadn't slammed the brakes, then I probably would have...ok, brain, you can shut the fuck up any minute!

I managed to look over at Ryan and smile, "Yea, sorry about that, some jackass with Ohio plates was being, well, whatever you call jackasses from Ohio," I shrugged, turning the volume down on the music, "This," I pointed to the iPod, then gripped the steering wheel again. It occurred to me that I needed to be more conscious of how I was driving with Ryan in the car. I wasn't sure how he would be with me driving one handed, or staring off into space. In all reality, I just needed to relax, if I was intense and freaked out, then he would rub off on it too.

"Um," I scratched my ear. DAMMIT SPENCE! HANDS ON THE WHEEL! I cleared my throat, "Didn't your mom tell you? I mean, I thought that was part of the deal, or like, Bren told you or something, she ah," I wasn't sure if his mother wanted him to know, or if she was too anxious over him that she let it slip, "She gave this to me in turn for driving you out to LA," I let the last part come out quieter than the beginning, not quite sure how he would take it. "And, um, yea, like the whole band can use it, cause, I mean, I don't even know how..." I tried, smiling quickly.

I laughed softly and looked at the iPod again. "So this is how she convinced you to drive me to LA so I wouldn't have to take a plane alone?" I grinned and looked over at him. "She didn't tell me she bought you an iPod. But you deserve it Spence, don't share it with the band, keep it. You didn't have to drive me all the way to LA when you should be using the time to be getting ready to go off to school. Besides...you can't really share it with the band when you're not actually in the city around all of them during school. So don't even suggest it. Mom bought it for you, you keep it."

I put the iPod down where I'd picked it up from. "However, you do need more music on there, it's almost empty for how much it can hold!" I laughed softly and reached around into the back seat to grab one of the drinks from the small cooler mom had packed for us. My throat felt dry and definitely needed to be lubricated. I pulled a bottle of juice from the cooler and settled back into my seat, opening the bottle and taking a drink before putting it down.

"Okay, so where are we anyway? I mean, how long was I asleep and how much farther do we have to go? And I swear I won't keep asking that throughout the rest of the trip, but...yeah, since I was asleep and all." I grinned and took another sip of my drink before looking over at Spence again. "Oh, shit, sorry, did you want a drink from the back? I'll grab you whatever...and um..Are we going to need to grab food? You know, lunch or something? Shit I ask a lot of questions."

Blushing, I looked away again. Spence and I had never really been alone together much. I mean, a few minutes sure, but several hours? Never. It was strange to be hanging out with him without Brendon or the band around. It was even strange to be hanging out with him without Alex being there. I know it was more like going on a road trip than hanging out, but we were still alone together and I always thought road trips should only be done with your closest friends. Of course, the other choice was the trip making us closer, which, considering we were dating each other's best friends, was probably a good thing to hope for from the trip.

"No, no, it's not like that, I mean, I wanted to drive you, cause you know, I could see Alex and..." I sighed, gripping the steering wheel tighter, "I'll just stop digging myself deeper, ok?" I shrugged, hoping to drop the subject.

"Oh great," I joked, "You are one of them..." laughing, I tried to explain myself, "I mean, one who asks a shit ton of questions." Shaking my head, I shrugged, "It's cool, I'd rather answer questions then have a backseat driver." I stated matter of factly before pointing to my drink in the middle console, "Sorry, I already helped myself to one when we were sitting in traffic, it took us like a half an hour to get through some hold up outside of Vegas, so, we are slightly behind in schedule, but I knew there would be traffic, so you won't be late or anything for your afternoon meeting, I guarantee it. And uh, we have like three more hours."

Smiling at Ryan, I thought it was surreal, I mean, the fact that he was getting all nervous or something around me. I could honestly say, if it hadn't been for Alex, I would be nervous around Ryan. I knew for a fact that if it were just Brendon who connected the two of us, that I would be a stuttering fool in front of Ryan. Sure, we had some classes and mutual friends in high school, but I sort of always looked up to him in some way. I laughed, thinking about how I had never mentioned that to anyone before, so, I guessed being about three hours from our destination was better than ever.

"Yea, so, this may be kind of weird, but like, in high school, I like idolized you or something," I blushed, using my signal to pass a slow car, "And if Alex was ever around you, say in the hallway or something, I would go completely out of my way as to not pass you guys in the hall. I mean, when you were alone, you were a completely different person then when you were with Alex, and I," I bit my lip, thinking back, "I don't mean that in a bad way, but I was, like, even more nervous when it was the two of you together. Jealous, maybe, but definitely more nervous."

Raising my eyebrows I looked at Spencer closely before laughing softly. "You're serious? Wow...wait, jealous?" I shook my head and looked out the window, biting my lip a little. I remembered Spence a little bit from high school, not a lot, but a little bit and I'd have never expected to hear that out of him, of course, in high school I hadn't really given him a lot of thought. Everything pretty much changed with me dating Bren and getting reintroduced to Spencer.

"What...I mean.." My eyebrows furrowed a little bit and I looked back over at him feeling just a little bit embarrassed by this topic. Here was my best friend's...I wasn't sure if they'd actually declared themselves boyfriends yet, but I viewed them as such...so my best friend's boyfriend was saying that he was jealous and nervous around Alex and me in high school. I couldn't understand why, I didn't see us as much of anything to be intimidated by.

"Why were you...jealous? Or nervous? We weren't really anything special or anything...I mean...what was there about us to be jealous or intimidated by?" I bit my lip and furrowed my eyebrows as I was trying to think. I had to admit, that had to be part of the reason why I didn't really remember Spence from high school much. If he avoided me and Alex like he was admitting to, then I wouldn't really have many memories to tie to him. Maybe we shared the school, some classes, a few things and all, but if he avoided me then there wasn't much to remember.

It was a bit of an uncomfortable thought because I guess, at least in my head, the idea of him being jealous and intimidated meant that he had been interested. How do you take the idea of your best friend's boyfriend having been interested in you a few years ago in high school?

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I didn't mean jealous so much as... Sighing, I turned the music down even more, so the sound of the road filled the car more than, I squinted to hear, not even sure why squinting helped me hear, but it did, Motion City Soundtrack. I knew I had to choose my words wisely, because I was aware that this may get back to Alex before I get a chance to tell him. Not that it was a big deal, but just something that I thought about.

"Not really jealous of you or anything, but I mean, all the girls thought you guys were hot, and like, you guys were so close, and it would have been cool to have a friend that was like you too, I mean, you were somewhat inseparable or something, and me, well, I mean, I had friends, but no one like you guys were. Hell, Bren was my closest friend, and he went to another school. So, that did intimidate me," I shrugged, "And I wished sometimes that I was in you guys' clique cause you didn't seem to care what other people thought, and, I dunno, it was just like, you guys had it made or something, like, everything you had was right between you, and no one else seemed to matter..."

I was fully aware that I was just rambling by now, but I hoped I had gotten my point across, "Oh," I let out a huff, "And my girlfriend thought Alex was the hottest thing to walk the face of the earth." Shaking my head, I laughed, "Oh if she could see me now," thinking about her face when I told her some of the things Alex and I had been doing, I smiled, looking back to Ryan, "I didn't mean to freak you out by any of that. I mean, you guys just seemed untouchable, so like in a way, unapproachable too, but," I smiled again to him, "I am glad I was wrong."

I smirked slightly as I regarded Spence. "Well, we were and are inseparable. No offense to you or Bren or anything, but even the two of you dating us won't separate us. I mean...I can only imagine when he and I are like 85, old and crotchety, we'll be living together in a retirement home and either hitting on the other men together or hitting on each other. It's who we were in high school, that's who we are now, and I am pretty damn sure it's who we will be in the future. So yeah, I guess that can be pretty intimidating, a friendship so strong that no one can get between it."

I nodded a little and leaned back against the seat some, shifting as my leg was starting to bother me a little. It had been doing that lately and the doctors said it was because it was healing. I just hoped they were right. Pretty much every visible reminder of the accident had faded and gone away, I had a couple scars, scars that'd probably never go away, but I still had the reminder with that horrid cast and broken leg.

"It's also something I know a lot of people were jealous of in school. Hell, some still are." I bit my lip as I was thinking a little before looking back over at him and smiling. "But yeah, just because we're so tight and...well, untouchable, didn't mean we were unapproachable. So yeah, you were wrong, and I'm glad you were too. I don't like people thinking that we're like that because we're so much more than just tight and close friends."

I shrugged a little and then smirked mischievously. "So you weren't secretly in love with us?"

I nodded along to him, then couldn't help but laugh at that last comment, "You know, in high school, I could have very much so been in denial, I mean, I had a girlfriend who I liked very much, but I mean, I was manly enough to know that you guys were very handsome, and well, still are, but no, not really secretly in love with you. Wanted to be you and look like you, hell yes."

I patted my stomach, "I wasn't as hot back then as I am now," I joked, wincing slightly as I thought back to my 'pudgy' stage. My parents always said it was easier to feed us bad food then healthy food. Think about it, what was cheaper? Fruit and vegetables or a frozen pizza? We always had carbohydrates in the house over vegetables, unless they were frozen or canned, simply because that's what we could afford. That's what was wrong with the world, making bad food cheap. Damn McDonalds.

Looking back towards Ryan, I started, "That's great that you to have that. And you guys living together next semester, that is going to be crazy, don't you think. I can hardly get Alex to change the subject when we are on the phone sometimes," I blushed, well, unless we were having phone sex or something, "But really, that is pretty sweet, thinking that like, you guys will be together again like that. And you two, Rylex or something can take over the world again," I laughed at the name, then used the buttons on the wheel to turn up the sound again, not to drown out a chance of conversation, but to give us some background noise, plus, it was Bright Eyes, and I liked this song.

I nodded to myself as I looked out the window, my lips curving into a smile. Living with Alex again was something I was looking forward to greatly after LA. I'd gotten so caught up in living with him I guess there had been a part of me that was in denial that I'd ever live without him there for day to day life again. There was a part of me that never wanted to be without him again, but I wasn't sure that it was something Spence or Bren could understand, or would ever want to understand. They were our boyfriends and their boyfriends had a connection between them that made me damn near dependent on having Alex in my life, in my every day life. It wasn't like we were going to get back together, but it also wouldn't be like there wasn't that something that made us Rylex.

My gaze returned to Spence and I grinned a little at him. "I can't tell you how happy he made me by telling me he was transferring home. I think I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said he made my life by saying that." I shrugged a little and took another drink before biting my lip. I loved the fact that Spence was driving me to LA to do what I needed to do and all, but I also knew it meant I'd probably go the entire time in what was my room in the apartment and hearing the two of them having crazy sex constantly in Alex's room. I thought that if that was the case I'd go and crash on the couch of one of the other guys the entire time I was in LA just so I didn't have to live through that.

"Are...are you going to stay here the whole time I have to be here? Or are you gonna head home for a while and come back and get me? Alex said they have a bunch of stuff for us to do...so it sounds like we'll all be pretty busy with the end of the internship getting close and all." I played with the bottle in my lap and wanted us to get to LA already so I could see Alex. I just didn't know if I was looking forward to initially seeing him because he'd have to greet me or Spence first, and if he greeted Spence first I felt I'd probably feel a bit hurt, and if he greeted me first then I didn't want Spence to be hurt. This was certainly going to turn into an interesting experience with Spence, we both were going to want Alex's attention.

I smiled at Ryan as he spaced out at the mention of Alex. There definitely was something between those two. I remembered how Bren felt when he saw them together and the insecurities he had towards Alex being around. Could you really blame him? Alex was fucking hot. And at the moment, he was all mine sexually. I could say all mine, but we didn't talk about that, plus, if I even thought about mentioning that to Ryan, I was sure he would throw fists. He may have a gimp, but I was sure those fingers could do some damage.

Tapping the steering wheel to Taking Back Sunday, seriously, I didn't know Brendon had such good taste in music. Smiling, it instantly faded as Britney Spears came on. I picked up the iPod and changed the song before too much damage was made. To my ears, that was.

I passed a green car on the right and sped in front of them to avoid a truck, hopefully Ryan wasn't paying to much attention, and it wasn't like I was risking our lives or anything. I was aware of the surroundings, "Yea, I'm staying the whole week," I grinned, realizing that we hadn't much talked about it, "My cousin is in his second year in LA, so I'm visiting him and helping him move into his new apartment," I pointed to the back, "Which is what all those boxes are for, his mother wants them out of the house, so I offered to take them. Alex mentioned that you would be busy the whole time, so, I plan on staying out of the way as much as possible, unless, like you need a ride or help or something when no one else is around. Lord knows Bren would kick my ass if I didn't make sure to do everything for you that Alex isn't doing."

Looking over at Ryan, I took in his profile, "You are really good to him, I mean, I have never seen him so happy, and well in love with anything as long as I have known him."

I blushed a little and looked down, biting my lip a little as I played with my fingers and the bottle in them. I really wasn't sure what kind of a response I was supposed to give Spence about Brendon and being good for him and him being in love. Sure, we said we loved each other and everything but actually hearing it coming out of someone else's mouth was a little embarrassing to me although I wasn't sure why. It wasn't like I didn't love Brendon and it wasn't like I didn't know he loved me. But honestly, how would you react if your boyfriend's best friend told you that you were good for him and he was overly in love with you? Exactly.

So, instead of giving a response that I didn't have, I changed the subject back to Alex and the week. "You don't have to stay away all week, Spence. You can stay with us, even if you can't or won't the whole week, but...I'm sure Lex would like to see you...and...you know...have you spend the night..." I looked away at the thought of that, I really didn't want to think about the two of them together even though I'd already seen it enough.

"But...I mean, you've got things to do while you're there too, so at least you won't be bored. And I don't think I'll need you to be there for a ride, the other guys are probably going to want to do much of that themselves, although thanks for the offer, Spence, I really appreciate it. And I'll definitely let you know if I do need you to be there for something. I haven't been told the whole itinerary yet, which I think I'll get this afternoon, but they'll let me know what I'll be doing and where I'll have to be so I can plan transportation and everything. I think there's a show coming up one night that the guys are all working which I obviously can't work." I realized I was talking a lot and took another drink to ease my throat.

"You'll go to the show, right?" I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and smiled almost shyly as I remembered the last show in LA I did with someone from home, of course, that was with Bren.

Shrugging, I replied, "Eh, I'll make myself scarce," I laughed, "I know you guys will be busy, and yes, I'll see Alex, but I know you will want to see him too, and sleep in his bed too, so I can have the couch or your bed or Eric's place or something, so don't you worry about me, I am here for you first and foremost, to make sure you get to where you need to go. I mentioned doing it for Brendon, but damn, your mom is intense!"

Laughing again at the memory of me sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for Bren this morning eating some toast, his mother gave me the run down of all I had to do. Shaking my head at the thought, I moved around in the seat, my ass becoming numb. Settling back to a spot, I answered his question, "Me? Miss a show? Oh hell no, that would be sweet, I mean, even if you guys weren't working one, I would still like to see something in LA, you know, check out the venues before our band plays here," I teased.

I leaned back in the chair more, stretching my left leg, "Hey, I know we are on somewhat of a schedule," I looked over at Ryan, "But do you care if I hit up a gas station the next exit?" I asked, read the sigh we were approaching, "Better yet, there's a rest stop in three miles, and I really could piss, what about you? You need to go to? Or maybe stretch a little?" I reached down and drained the rest of my water, re-screwing the now empty bottle and placing it between my legs so I would remember to throw it out. That was one of my biggest pet peeves, trash in the car.

I laughed softly about my mom and smiled before shrugging a little. "She is, but I know it's because she's worried about me and me being taken care of and all. She trusts you I think, but she's still worried. I hope she didn't freak you out too much with how dramatic she was about everything." Seeing Spence shift and attempt to stretch, I tried to do the same even though I didn't have much room to move.

"And thanks Spence, it's good to know you'll be around and waiting and all. I feel bad if you end up on the couch though...so if you're crashing at our apartment you should at least have one of the beds...I think...knowing Alex...I'll be in his bed because there's more space...but, I dunno if he was expecting you to be there too...so maybe I'll be in mine. I dunno. I guess we'll have to see what he says when we get there. I'm sure...you know...he'd want to...um...you know..." I bit my lip deciding to just shut up and change the subject because as comfortable as I was with discussing sex, I wasn't comfortable with discussing my best friend's sex life with the guy he was sleeping with.

"I think we should get lunch. I know it's a little early still but we'll beat the rush, we'll have food in us and we can be out of the car for a little while and you can use the bathroom. I think it'd feel good to walk, or hobble around for a little bit." We approached another sign that said what food places were at the rest area and I grinned. "So, it looks like McDonalds, Subway or Starbucks. That means we can get our junk food fix and a coffee fix at the same time while feeling guilty walking past Subway. I think that sounds like the perfect plan to me. I think I want a double cheeseburger, french fries and a vanilla shake."

__________________________________

The stop at the rest area took longer than expected. We got some food and walked around a while, losing track of time while watching some kids play on the jungle gym thing. It made me miss the band, we used to go to the local McDonalds after shows cause the chick who worked there had the hots for Steve, so she let us play even when it was closed at like midnight.

We were back on the road and to the apartment in no time. Ryan and I had some actually good conversation talking about anything from music to Brendon to the new hoodies at Hot Topic. He was really easy to talk to, I could see why Bren liked being around him so much, well, besides the fact that they were boyfriends, but he could hold a conversation, and always had something to say.

Once we made it to the street that the apartment was on, I could tell that Ryan was getting anxious, just by the way he was passing out directions. Without him looking, I texted Alex, like we had planned, to let him know we were on our way, so he could meet us at the door. I was going go get gas or go to the store to get some food so Ryan and Alex could have some time together. So far, everything was going as planned. As I turned to find a parking spot, Alex came walking, ok, running, out.

I parked and hopped out of the car, walking around the back to open the door for Ryan. I smiled at Alex then looked to the back, "I'm just gonna go, um, call Eric, I was supposed to as soon as I got here, so, um, I'll be right up," I smiled at the two of them, pulling out my phone and walking away, as I might need privacy.

Before I even realized what was going on I was wrapped up in Alex's arms and pressed against his body. My arms managed to find a way around him and I held on as tightly as I could, it felt amazing to be back in his arms. He smelled good, he smelled very very good. "Lex..." I burrowed my face down into the curve of his neck and nuzzled a little against him as I clung onto him. I would have been happy to have stayed right there, like that, half in and half out of the car and out in public. I really didn't care, it just mattered that I had Alex and it seemed he felt the same because he was not pulling away at all.

When he finally loosened his grip on me and I was able to look up at him I about lost it. Emotions were hard to deal with sometimes, and it seemed that the accident and the distance were making it very hard to deal with when it came to him. He pulled my lips to his and gave me a sound kiss before releasing me and managing to find a way to pick me up. I laughed but clung to him. "I can walk Lex. You know that I can!"

He smirked and nodded as he looked into my face. "I know you can, but you're here and I'm gonna baby you like I couldn't when I came home. No offense, but your boyfriend took away my ability to baby and spoil you rotten. Well, now you're here and he's not and it's my turn to spoil you and baby you and pamper you."

I grinned as I brushed his hair aside and tilted my head slightly to lean it against his. "Just don't forget Spence is here too and he has orders from mom and Bren about taking care of me, so you may not get to do all of it yourself. You might have some help in that field."

He shrugged slightly and pulled me a little closer as he carried me into the apartment building and up to our apartment. Nothing had changed, not really, it still had both of us to it, but it smelled more like Alex and it felt a little more like Alex than I thought it felt like me. It didn't matter to me though, it was like coming home in so many ways. "Okay Ry, we've got just a couple hours until the meeting, so, you wanna take a nap? Wanna eat? What would you like to do? We can do anything as long as it's with you."

I laughed and shrugged. "We should wait for Spence, and we need to get my shit out of the car and all..."

I called Eric and told him I made it in safely and we arranged a time to meet up tonight so he could treat me to dinner. Eric was an only child, and his parents treat him like it. That was the thing with him though, he didn't act like a spoiled brat, and when we were together, he acted like it was family money, not just his. So, sue me if I liked being spoiled somewhat too by him.

I couldn't wait to see him. I wanted him to meet Alex and Ryan, because he too was into a lot of the stuff they were, plus they were his age, not that a year was much different but still. I was somewhat nervous though, because I had yet to tell him I was gay. I knew he would care less what my sexual orientation was, I also knew that he would be completely shocked.

Walking back to my car, I managed to get all of Ryan's stuff and hoist it somehow on my body so I could take it up to their place. I glanced at my watch, ten minutes, hopefully that was a long enough time for them to be alone right now. Plus, I could stand to take a nap, so I could leave them alone again while I slept. I just hated being in the way. not that me being there would refrain them from being themselves, it was just...I dunno. I nor Brendon were quite aware of what actually goes on between those too. It was cool, yet somewhat unbelievably surreal the way they act together. But Bren and I were slowly getting used to it.

I made my way upstairs, only dropping his shit in the hallway once, and I knocked on their door, waiting for Alex to answer. Well, hopefully he wouldn't make Ryan get up and get the door.

Alex had put me into his bed without really listening to me about Spence. He'd gone to do something or get something and I, like a stubborn ass, got up and hopped my way out of his room even though being on and in his bed screamed 'take a nap.' I was too happy to be back in LA and back with Alex to want to take a nap unless it was with him. As I hopped into the hall I realized just how damn clingy I was being and I'd barely said anything to him at all, I wasn't sure he'd noticed but I was sure he would if I kept it up.

"I thought we were going to wait for Spence, Lex. Or...oh, shit...did you wanna like...greet him without me around so you guys could...well...do what ever you guys want, like...kiss or something?"

Alex looked up from the kitchen where he was pulling something out of the fridge. He shook his head and shrugged. "I can kiss Spence in front of you if that’s what he and I want to do. But no, I decided that I wanted to throw you a little, private 'welcome home' party...so..." He pulled out a cake and put it on the counter between us and I couldn't help but laugh softly in happiness, it was nice to be welcomed back by him, even if it wasn't totally home, I mean, it was, but it wasn't, I was a little torn in that sense.

He came around the island to help me, scooping me up in his arms again when we heard the knock on the door. He carried me with him as he went over to open it for Spence because who else would it have been? "Hey Spence, want to join our 'welcome home' party?" He grinned at his boyfriend/lover/friend with benefits.

I grinned from ear to ear when I walked into the apartment, "A party huh?" I asked, looking around to see if anyone else was there, then shrugged, dropping the stuff inside the door and moving out of the way to close it, "You know me, I wouldn't miss a party for anything," I laughed following them over to the kitchen.

Smiling at the cake, I shook my head behind Alex then walked up to place my hand on the small of his back, "Wow Alex, you went all out," I teased, kissing his neck quickly before pulling back, "I'm just going to go wash up or something, you know go to the bathroom, but cut me a piece if you guys are breaking into it," I wiggled my brows at the both of them then walked into the bathroom, texting Brendon that we made it safely.

While I pissed, I called my mom, classy, yes, but I knew she would be upset if I didn't. I told her I had made it safely and reassured her that I was not stepping on any toes and I was taking care of everything. I guaranteed her that there was not a scratch on the precious car. I swear, sometimes she cherished that thing more than me. Informing her that I was going to see Eric tonight, I finished up in the bathroom, then walked to the door to pick up the stuff.

I made my way into Ryan's room with the bags, figuring they could sort it out later, then walked back into the kitchen, shoved my hands in my pockets, rocked on my feet and looked at the two of them and smiled.

Alex put me down at the counter and went about pulling out plates and cutting into the cake. He put out the pieces, put a fork on the plates and then grabbed a couple glasses of milk. He knew me far too well, chocolate cake and a glass of milk, he certainly knew how to welcome me back. He looked up when Spence returned and grinned. "I know, I pull out all the stops for my boy." he smirked and shrugged. "The other guys wanted to be here, but I told them it was a private homecoming and that we'd celebrate as a group later."

I chuckled and dug into the cake, taking a bite and grinning. "Mmm...Lex, you didn't make this, did you?"

He smirked and shrugged. "What do you think Ross?"

"I think you better get over here because you did make this!" He grinned and came over, wrapping his arms around me.

"Anything for you, but you know that already." He chuckled and I pulled his lips to mine in a closed mouth, however chocolaty kiss before releasing him.

"You never told me you smuggled your grandma's recipe out of the house and to LA! We could have been eating this amazing cake the entire time I was here and you kept it from me?!" Laughing, I swatted at him before looking at Spence. "Try it. It's amazing. His grandma has this top secret recipe that she won't let anyone but her immediate blood see and no one was allowed to remove it from the house or copy it. Only one copy is allowed in existence and she has it and won't give it to anyone. And this is THE cake!"

I raised my brow at the cake story. And then couldn't help but laugh a little. A top secret recipe. Wait! What? Alex could cook? That was nice, very very nice. Grinning the whole way over to them, I took a seat next to Ryan, and taking the cake in front of me. I bit into and moaned. It was quite amazing.

Blushing, I looked over at the guys as they stared at me, "What, I agree with you," I looked to Ryan, "This is really good," I tried to smile, "And Alex," I turned to him, "You made this? Shit, it's awesome!" I filled the fork and took another bite then looked between the two of them with a toothy grin that I was sure was full of chocolate. I took a gulp of the milk like I hadn't drank in a while.

"Sorry," I found myself blushing again, see, I didn't know what it was about the two of them, but they intimidated the fuck out of me when they were together. I needed Brendon, I needed a buffer, "I really want to eat this cause it's amazing, but I also wanted to take a nap, I mean, if you guys don't mind cause I have to meet my cousin a little after 5, and um, oh yea," I nodded to Ryan, "I left a message for Brendon to tell him we made it ok," I took another bite, not even really pausing to breath.

Once I swallowed, I stood up, leaving still some of the cake on the plate, "This is too good to eat it all," I rubbed my belly to signify that I was full, then walked over to Alex. I slipped my hand around his waist as I watched him eat, "It's good to see you," I smiled to him before pecking his cheek.

I watched Spencer interact with Alex for a moment before taking another bite of my own cake. Alex was acting a little oddly and I wasn't quite sure why. I couldn't tell if it was because he was being beyond conscious of me being there or if there was something off between him and Spence. It hadn't been that long since they'd seen each other and been near all over each other, and here they were, Alex paying more attention to me than Spence and being somewhat off with him.

I caught Alex's eye and quirked an eyebrow at him, giving him our patented 'what the fuck is going on that you haven't told me' look. His eyes said to leave it and he put his fork down to turn his attention to Spencer. "Its good to see you too Spence." He grinned and slid his arm around Spence's shoulders, tugging him in closer against him. "Would you check this out, the three of us hanging out and no Brendon to be seen. How are we going to survive this week?!"

I chuckled and finished off my cake, I couldn't believe Spence had actually stopped eating it. If I were a girl I'd probably say it was better than sex, but I wasn't a girl and I never had understood why they said that chocolate was better than sex. But, the cake was better than mere chocolate so then, in the female mentality I thought it had to logically follow that that cake was better than sex.

"Alex can cook when he really puts his mind to it, only, that doesn't happen often and it usually isn't with anything like this...although..." I trailed off and grinned. "That’s what you were doing at Christmas, wasn't it? You came home to Vegas but we never saw you because you were at your grandma's learning how to make this cake!"

He laughed and shrugged. "She decided since I'm gay and therefore that makes me somewhat feminine, and none of the other grandkids had any desire to learn, she thought she'd instruct me on the art of making the cake. She thought I was the best student ever." He beamed a little before looking down at Spence. "If you wanna take Ry's bed for a nap, feel free. I get the feeling Ry will want a nap too before the meeting, but we don't want to wake you before we head off to the meeting. I'll just leave you my spare key if we leave before you wake so you can come and go as you like." He pulled away from Spence and pulled a key off the top of the fridge, putting it down on the counter in front of Spence with a grin. "You gonna be gone for the night or just the evening?"

I took the key and slipped it in my pocket, sighing, "I'm not sure what Eric has planned yet, but I know we are doing dinner for sure, and there is an 18 and up club that he wants me to check out with him, his girlfriend works there, and he wants me to meet her too, so, I dunno, we didn't really discuss it," I shrugged, "Plus, I kinda, well thought that maybe you and Ryan would want a quiet night here, I mean, like you used to."

I bit my lip. It was true, Brendon wasn't here. I knew we would survive just fine without him, and yes, I knew he was joking too. I had a feeling even that Ryan was going to have a beyond great time not really even thinking about Brendon much. I mean, if you thought about it, he was back in LA, with his best friend, doing what he loved, out of his parent’s house and out of the bed he had been stuck in for a while, I was sure he would be living it up. I knew I would.

Running my finger up Alex's arm that was balancing him on the counter, I grinned up at him once I got eye contact, "I'm cool with lying down in Ryan's bed, as long as that's cool with you," I glanced to Ryan, still running a pattern up Alex's arm. It wasn't sexual in anyway, I just wanted to touch him. I missed him since the last time I saw him. I didn't really want to tell him that, because I didn't want to freak him out or anything. I was just planning to keep my distance so that he could have his time with Ryan, knowing that I really didn't even need to be there, but well, that I was.

I shrugged and smiled before looking at Alex. "Did you put clean sheets on my bed? And yours for that matter?"

He nodded. "C'mon Ry, I'm not that bad of a host, even if I had to do everything on my own without you here to help clean up and all. I know how to do laundry and I know how to change the sheets, so it's all set."

I laughed and finished off my milk before turning back to Spence. "Then you can take my room without fear of nasty sheets and I can sleep the same later." I yawned and looked a little bashful. "Or perhaps sooner."

Laughing, I moved to get up to put the plate away when Alex shook his head and took the plate from me, moving and putting it into the sink along with my empty glass. "Okay, well, you're done with that, I think that’s a perfect pre-nap snack and I think it's about time the two of you weary travelers get a little bit of sleep." He put Spencer's unfinished cake away to save for him for later before making his way back around the counter. "I didn't see your crutches, so until we get your crutches from Spence's car, you're getting carried."

I shook my head. "I should have asked about getting a walking cast so I didn't need so much assistance." I looked over at Spence and grinned. "I have the best friends though, I won't complain about that. So...we've got our meeting, I guess we're doing a nap first...and I could definitely use it. You'll probably be gone before we get back from it, so I guess we'll either see you when you get back tonight or tomorrow. You should bring your cousin by sometime, maybe not tonight if you guys are going clubbing...damn, I wish I could go..." I pouted a little up at Alex as he picked me up and turned toward Spence.

"Do you need anything Spence? I can get you whatever you need after I throw this lump into bed, so just let me know if you need anything." He started heading toward his room. "And I agree with Ry, bring your cousin around and all, if it weren't for Ry's leg I'd say we'd go to the club with you, but I don't think we can, Ry'd be bored and you'd probably get embarrassed in front of your cousin if he doesn't know." Alex smirked and carried me into his room, putting me into his bed again.

I stood there in Ryan's room and looked around. My fingers closed around each other and rested right below my waist in front of me. I bite my lip. I really wanted to see Alex alone, if just for three seconds, but I didn't want to take him from Ryan, that would be rude. Sighing, I sat on the bed and began to take off my shoes. I swallowed and licked my lips as I set them on the floor beside me.

I got up to move back the sheets when I heard a light knock on the door. A grin spread across my face as I walked over, making sure to conceal my emotions when I opened it. Clearing my throat as I opened the door, I looked up to see Alex.

I honestly wasn't sure what had come over me, ok, well, I was positive what had come over me, the fucking sexy beast standing right there. I grabbed at Alex's shirt and pulled him back with me to the bed, my teeth yanking him by his lip piercing. Bringing him on top of me, I ran my hands up his shirt, feeling his body as my tongue explored his mouth. I moaned and thrusted up to meet his hips.

Breaking the kiss, I looked up at him smiling, "Sorry, I had to do that before I took a nap," I pecked his lips quickly, "Go take care of Ryan, I'll see you later on tonight," I wiggled my brows, "If you're lucky," and winked.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Wednesday night found me curled up on the couch while Alex and Spence were out for a little bit and I had my phone in my hand. I'd been quite busy the previous two nights with work things and Alex and Spencer, not to mention all the guys in the internship. They'd given me a pretty good welcome back the first night back in the city. The all important meeting that Spence and I had to be sure to make turned into a 'welcome home' party from the label, there were even a few bands that I'd worked with that were there. But I hadn't had the chance to talk to Brendon since I'd gotten back in the city.

I dialed Bren's number and nestled down more into the couch, trying to get even more comfortable. I'd pretty much been told that I wasn't allowed to move from the couch while Spence and Alex were gone. I knew they'd be back before long, so I did as they asked and stayed where I was, listening as the phone rang on the other end.

Mom had asked me to pick up a gallon of milk this morning since I downed the last of it on my Cheerios. I was humming through the supermarket, bobbing my head to the Journey song on the PA as I neared the back of the store to the dairy section. This week had sucked. Not only was my boyfriend, who I had spent at least 4 hours a day with in the past three weeks, gone, but also my best friend. I spent a lot of evenings in the pool or hanging out with Matt and Derek.

I snapped my fingers and slid gracefully between to people, my movements going with the music as my phone rang in my pocket. Pulling it out the same time as opening the fridge full of milk, I flipped it open and mumbled "Hello," in the phone while trying to grab a gallon and hold the door open with my hip. An old lady beside me held the door, "Oh, thanks!" I smiled, grabbing the milk and regripping the phone.

I pulled the phone back to see who was calling, having been to busy before and smiled, "Oh! Hey Ry! I was just thinking about you! How's LA? How's Spence? How's the leg? Have they been respectful and not fucking each other in front of you?" I smiled at the lady who held the door for me as she gasped. Winking at her, I walked towards the front to pay.

I laughed softly at all Brendon's questions. "And they say I ask a lot of questions..." I laid down on the couch, flipping through the muted television channels. I sighed softly before letting my eyes slip closed. It felt nice to be back in LA and on my own, even if Alex and Spence were there to take care of me I was still very much on my own.

"Hey Bren. LA is amazing, as always. I didn't realize quite how much I'd missed this place until I got back. Spence is good. He's been...well, he's been amazing really. I mean, he brought me here and all and planned the whole thing with Alex. So Alex was waiting as soon as we arrived. He's been busy with his cousin though, so he hasn't really been around us a lot. He and Lex are out right now for a little bit. Alex won't leave me for long, so I'm sure they'll be back in an hour or so. I think they went to get dinner and will probably bring home dinner for me too."

I smiled to myself and pulled the light blanket over me. "The label threw a welcome home party for me after the meeting Monday night. It was so good to see all those involved in the internship, plus everyone at the label I've worked with and they also had a bunch of band members that I'd worked with there too. You probably would have loved it."

"Wow," I smiled into the phone, "Sounds like everyone is taking real good care of you out there. That was nice of all them to do that for you. You do deserve it of course, and I'm sure they were excited about a chance to get everyone together and throw a party!" I walked past two guys picking up some beer and one of them winked at me at the word party.

Making my way to the front, I debated on whether going to the self check out and trying to do it one handed, or going through the line and being an annoying customer who talks on their cell phone the entire time they were being waited on. I chose the later, it was some creepy kid from my biology class in high school, so I could care less if I offended them.

"That's good though, as long as you take care of our drummer," I sat the milk down, noticing the beer guys right behind me, then I reached, pausing the convo to get one of those divider things, "And, obviously, as long as you take care of my sexy crippled boyfriend, I'm sure everything is going well!" I watched the cashier scan my milk, then handed her a five, "Any concerts or events they have planned for you? Or are they keeping the physical interaction small?" I asked as I grabbed my milk, change, and receipt and walked out the door.

"Don't worry, Spence is having a good time I think and he's taking care of himself and I think Alex is keeping an eye on him too, so you don't have to worry about that. And they're taking good care of me. Seriously, Alex practically won't let me be alone. I think, if he had his way, he'd be in the bathroom with me when I piss. Its good though I don't really mind too much since he's been there and done that and seen me at my absolute worst. He's supposed to help me shower later tho since I have to cover the horrid cast on my leg."

I shifted again on the couch wishing that I was in Alex's bed instead of on the couch. "He's spends the night with me to make sure I don't need anything halfway through the night or need help getting to the bathroom and everything. So he's really been good to me...he tells me I'm tense tho and need a massage." I chuckled softly. I knew Alex would give me one if I let him and I did know that I was holding stress in my shoulders in back, I was starting to think that he was right.

"There's a concert at the end of the week. They didn't tell me who it was, but Spence said he was in on going to it. The guys all have to work it but I don't, so Spence and I were joking that he'd be my date for the night and we'd go to the show together to enjoy it. I won't have to work though, which is cool, I'm looking forward to going to a show that I don't have to work at. I do wish you were here though, I think you'd enjoy everything that’s been going on and everything I know that’s being planned." Alex had told me earlier that Pete had been asking about me and when he found out I was going to be in the city that he wanted to have lunch, but I didn't know if I should tell Bren or accept the invite.

My heart sank a little. I knew I had no right to be jealous. And of my boyfriend of all people, but I was really lonely here without him. I was used to having him around. And when he was in LA before, I at least had Spencer or the band, and since we normally practice at Spence's house, the band practice was off too. In a weird way, I felt like I was back in school again and living with the same rules my parents enforced when I was attending. And in even a worse way, I felt like I was grounded.

The thought of being grounded brought a smile to my face as I thought of my first time ever talking to Ryan. I laughed, which happened to be at a time in the conversation which would have been appropriate. The jealous faded from my mind as I thought about Ryan out there, and what he had been through the past few weeks. He deserved to be spoiled and treated a good time. I just wished I was doing it with him.

"That sounds awesome, and Spence is really good at shows. Aww, remember our first show together?" I grinned as I hopped in my car after fishing the keys out of my pocket and unlocking it. My phone beeped, signifying I had a text message, "Hold on just a sec," I pulled the phone back and checked it, it was from Matt. Smiling at the message, I started my car and talked to my boyfriend, "Oh, speaking of show, Matt's gonna take me to one tonight, that should be interesting. So, when are you coming back? I don't think you ever told me." 
"I think we're here until Sunday. I need to talk to Spence about that again. I feel a little guilty having him here and me and Lex being busy with label stuff, but I can't take him with me to everything. He seems cool with it, he's spending time helping his cousin and all, but I think the plan was to be here until Sunday and head home then. We've got the show Friday, and now that I think about it I think it's a Fall Out Boy show, which will be amazing if it is because I haven't seen them on stage in such a long time and I think their new song should be hitting the airwaves soon, I wonder if they'll play it..."

I trailed off just thinking about if they would or wouldn't play it. I wanted to be with Bren when he heard it for the first time, I wanted to be with Alex when he heard it for the first time too. I had planned on letting Alex hear it after that party Pete crashed but I never had been able to actually play it for him so none of the guys had heard it. I needed to be with them when they did, I wanted to hear their reactions.

I pulled myself back to the phone and smiled to myself. "I'm glad he's taking you to a show. I'm sure it'll be really good and you guys will have a great time. It better not be like our first show together though or I'll have to break up with you." I grinned so that he'd know I was just joking around with him. "I dunno what, if anything we're doing tonight. The guys will get back here I guess and then who knows. Its possible there's a party going down in one of the other apartments here, so maybe we'll do that."

"Sunday, Ugh..." I let out a small noise, "I don't think I can wait that long," I pouted into the phone, "I miss my fucking best friend!" I tried to keep my voice straight, but I failed and ended up giggling, "I'm sure you guys will have a great time all week, just remember me, your poor pitiful boyfriend who is working his ass off to pay for nice things for his sexy boyfriend and for school."

"And yea, there is some band he knows playing tonight. He mentioned it to me a week ago, and I think that might be why he didn't put me on the schedule, since he knew you were out of town, and the band practice was off until Spence came back, so he knew I wouldn't say no since I would do anything to get out of my house. He's a sneaky one you know."

"Oh," I remembered as I pulled into my street, "You know what else? Every time I work with him, he asks me if I have bottomed yet!" I shook my head, and waved at a neighbor, "He told me I needed to get on that and he suggested I used a dildo to get ready," I laughed, "Can you believe that? He's my damn boss!" I giggled as I pulled into my driveway, turned off the car, got out and shut the door with my ass. "What ever will we do with him?"

"Well, if you want your best friend so badly I can tell him to go home and I can find my own way home at the end of the week, or he can come back and pick me up at the end of the week. Then you won't be so miserable without your best friend or whatever. You guys can have your band practice and you can off and have fun." I sighed and looked over at the tv again, I knew he was joking around with me and really I wasn't upset about it, but Spence didn't have to stay, he knew that and if Brendon wanted him home I'd tell him to go home.

"You'll have a good time with Matt, I'm glad he thought enough to do that for you. You guys will go out and have fun and the guys will come back here and I'll hang out with them. So we'll both be busy." I bit my lip and sighed softly. "I hope they get back soon because I'm getting hungry and I'm not allowed to move so I can't get up and get anything. Maybe Lex will bring home some of my Thai food that I love so much."

"I think, tho, that Matt should stop getting into your sex life. You'll do what you want when you want and if you want to bottom why do it with a dildo? That’s just...I dunno, not fun or whatever. And it's none of his business what you and I do together anyway so he shouldn't even ask."

"Geez Ryan..." I was about to walk into the house when I listened to his rant. I stopped outside and walked around to the back, opening the door that lead to the kitchen, putting the milk in the fridge and walking back outside with a wave to my mother. Kicking off my shoes then pulling off my socks, I rolled up my pants and stuck my feet in the pool, "Christ, I was just joking about the best friend thing. And yea, I hope they do get back soon, you are kinda getting irritable from the hunger I guess..."

I didn't understand what was up with him. He was out in LA, with his best friend and my best friend, he was back out doing what he was supposed to be doing, and he got to go to his internship and shows and all that shit, so why the fuck was he pissed off at the moment? I hated this distance thing, and I don't know if he was trying to tell me how wonderful and perfect everything was to cover up the fact that he might miss Vegas or his parents, or hell, maybe even me. But to go off when he knew I was joking, I didn't understand.

"Look, Matt is the only gay person I knew until I met you, and I'm sorry, I like to talk to him. And he doesn't know about our sex life, he simply knows that I haven't bottomed yet, only because he asks me, and why would I lie to him? What would be the point in that? If it upsets you, well, I'm sorry I brought it up Ryan, I'm sorry I brought up something that was going on in my life," I sighed into the phone, my hands cradling my head, "Look, I miss you and I just wish you were here. I know it's just a week, but I've been spoiled with you being around. And I just got excited to actually get to talk to you, since you are so busy and all. I won't bring up what I'm in to if that upsets you."

More

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 19:44:54 GMT

"Wow, Bren, jump down my throat or something! What the hell? I was being fucking serious. If you want or need Spence home I can tell him to go home. I'm not being fucking irritable, or I wasn't but maybe I am now. I don't need Spence here if you need or want him there. I can tell him to go home, so don't bite my head off and jump down my throat about that, it's the truth. Except for whatever Eric needs him for, he can go home and you can have him there so you don't have to worry about being so bored without us there."

I moved and got myself sitting up, swinging my legs down onto the floor, wincing slightly as my casted leg hit the floor heavier than I had intended for it to hit. "And as far as Matt and you talking to him, I'm fine with you talking to him Bren, but the fact that he has the audacity to ask you if you've bottomed and then suggested a fucking dildo is a bit personal and I don't think it's any of his business. Spencer is one thing, Matt is another."

I pushed myself off the couch, knowing that I was breaking what Alex and Spence had told me to do and not to do but not caring right then because I just wanted to be in Alex's bed. I grabbed one of the crutches because I knew I couldn't do both and the phone. "If we're bringing up what's going on in our lives without thinking about what the other is going to think, Pete asked me out to lunch when he found out I was back in the city. I haven't given him an answer yet."

"Jesus Ry. It was a fucking joke, I was kidding, there was no way in hell I would rather see Spence here than you, let alone actually need him here. I was kidding, you were supposed to laugh and we were to move on, dammit," I sighed again, on the verge of tears and I didn't even know where they were coming from, "Look, I don't want this, this tension between us, and I have no clue where it came from. Matt is Matt and he will ask anything he wants, I don't see the harm in him asking things, nor do I see the harm in suggesting a dildo, it's how he is."

I shivered at the sound of Pete's name even though I was sitting in 90 degree weather, the only cool part of my body was my feet. Why did he have to bring that up? Why did he have to bring him up? "Ry, but see, the difference is, I wasn't trying to upset you with that comment, I was making conversation. That is what my coworkers are like, that is what my friends are like, we joke around about sex to each other. To me, it's not a big thing, and I didn't think it would be to you either, since you and Alex talk about your own sex lives so freely with each other."

Sighing again, I pulled my left foot out of the water to rest my head on it, "And bringing up Pete, you know that's fine, what happens in LA stays in LA. You are allowed to have nice, perfect, good looking, popular, famous friends to hang out with, that's cool, just don't expect me to sit around and wait up for your phone call about how wonderful it was and how wonderful he was. Save that for your best friend ok, cause now I know you don't want to hear about my sex chats with Matt, and now you know I don't want to hear about your wonderful lunches, alone, with sexy rockstars,"

"So does that make Matt your best friend now? Spence will be destroyed when he hears that. Since you're equating you keeping your sex talks with Matt between you guys and me keeping my lunch with Pete between me and my best friend it seems as though you're equating Alex to Matt, and if that’s what you're trying to do then you have no understanding of my relationship with Alex if you think it's like yours with Matt. It's not. It's different and fuck anyone who thinks it's not. Who gives a shit if I talk about sex with my best friend? Who gives a shit if you talk about sex with yours? But up until tonight I always believed your best friend was Spencer."

"As for Pete, Brendon, don't worry, I won't be calling you after our lunch. I'll keep how happy I am to myself and just share it with Alex whenever I get home from being out with Pete. I'll keep what I'm doing here to myself." I shook my head as I made my way, slowly, to Alex's bedroom. I should have kept the whole thing of going out with Pete to myself. I'd have told Alex, and maybe Spence would have figured it out, maybe he would have told Bren, but then the argument wouldn't have been so big with Bren right then, although then I probably would have been accused of lying when he found out from someone not me.

I literally fell onto Alex's bed, wincing and whimpering as I did so, pissed at myself because I wasn't actually thinking about what I was doing and even though my ribs were fine there was something on the bed that I'd fallen on and my leg twisted oddly as I did. Even if I got back to the couch before Spence and Alex came back they'd know I'd been up, especially Alex when he helped me bathe later cause I was sure I'd have a new bruise.

"Ryan, that is not what I am saying so do not put words in my mouth. I simply stated that I didn't want to know about you and Pete. You know how I feel about him, and you know what? You know how I feel about Spence too, Matt is my boss, my coworker, my friend...we talk about sex cause it is something we have in common. And really, until this summer, shit, I didn't even have a sex life to talk about with Spencer, and when I first did, he was still confused over himself to even want to hear about mine."

My head fell lower onto my leg, "For fucks sake, why are we arguing over this? Why? Shit," I punched the concrete next to me and instantly regretted it, feeling the sting, and looking down to see blood. "Look, please, Ryan, I can't tell you what to do, but," I sighed, "Try, try not to be upset with me over this discussion. It's...from what we...this conversation is nothing compared to what we have been through lately. We both love each other and we both respect each others lives away from one another, I guess sometimes it's just hard to adjust after having so much time spent with one another, just like around the Fourth. And, I'll be honest, I am jealous, not of the people, but of the fact that they get to be with you, and I don't."

"Shit Ry, are you ok? Are you hurt? What happened?" all the anger and hurt inside me went away when I heard him on the other in obviously in pain, "Do you need me to hang up and call Spence to get him over there as soon as possible? Or hang up so you can call one of them to help you?" panic spread across chest as I hopped up and out of the pool, walking inside and straight to the bathroom to clean up my neglected hand.

I sucked in a breath slowly and found whatever it was that I'd fallen on and shoved it off the bed and onto the floor as I dropped the phone too, just laying out on my back because that was the best way to lay with my ribs aching in my body. I tried to breathe normally as I moved up a little more on the bed, grabbing onto Alex's pillow, covering my face with it and screaming 'FUCK' because it really did hurt and I wanted to take drugs and fall asleep.

Laying there I tried to control the pain that was coursing from my ribs to my leg, back to my ribs and back to my leg. They were having a little war and I knew, even though the doctors had said that I was healing quite well, that everything wasn't as healed as I thought it was and it was possible that I'd just done more damage and it was going to take longer for everything to heal, although I hoped beyond hope that it wouldn't and I'd just bruised myself.

I realized I dropped my phone and searched around in the darkness on the bed before finding it and pulling it up to my ear again, still breathing a little shakily. "I...I gotta go..."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It was so exciting, being backstage at a concert with Fall Out Boy. I knew I had met Pete, and hell, he even came and watched our practice, but I had never been backstage to a real show. Ryan and Alex seemed to be having as good as a time as I was as they mingled with the band members and techs. I stood in awe at Andy's drumset just staring at it like it was in a museum or something, knowing better not to touch.

Walking over to Ryan, I took a bottle of water from one of the interns that I had been introduced to, but forgot her name. I took a long drink of it, nearly downing it not aware of how thirsty I actually was. Ryan must of noticed cause he was staring at me. I smiled at him and Pete, who were standing pretty close, as if discussing something secretive, they had been like that most of the time I had seen them, even left for about an hour earlier. I just hoped for Brendon's sake that it was a healthy lunch and nothing else. I knew how he felt about Pete.

I raised my brows at the two of them and looked over to Alex, who was helping carry equipment in and waved, then winked. "So, what time are you guys going on?" I asked, almost feeling like I had broken something up, but not wanting to be the dumbass who just stood around and gawked and looked out of place.

I looked up when Spence came over to join me and Pete and smiled slightly at him. I felt a little bad since Spence was supposed to be my 'date' for the show since Alex would be working it all night and I'd kinda hung out with Pete and not him. I'd thought he was talking to Andy though with the way he was gazing at Andy's kit. I smiled to myself and wavered a little on my crutches, feeling Pete put his hand on my back to steady me. I gave him a smile of thanks before returning my attention to Spence and resting my hand on the spot that I'd bruised when I'd fallen onto Alex's bed earlier in the week. I was okay from my fall, a little sore and a bruise which concerned Alex for a few minutes, but in the end I didn't do any damage to myself.

"Getting impatient?" I looked over at the clock on the wall before back to my boyfriend's best friend. "The door should be opening in about a half hour, the first band will go on a half hour after that and then the next band um..." I furrowed by brows and glanced over at Pete, he chuckled and shook his head before looking at Spence.

"The first band goes on at seven, then the second at eight, then we have a special guest before we go on at nine thirty. The show should be over by eleven thirty and then we're doing an after party for friends and everything at my house after." His eyes flicked to me and he grinned. "Alex said he's in, I hope the both of you are too? I wasn't invited to the party the label threw for your welcome back, I wish I had been, so the after party will sorta be my welcome back for you, Ry."

I laughed softly and shrugged. "I dunno, Alex didn't say anything about an after party." I looked over at Spence. "We'll talk about it and let you know, okay Pete?"

Pete nodded and grinned. "So, Spence, you wanna go wail on the skins over there?"

I nodded as they told me all about tonight. I felt sort of weird to be invited to a party without Brendon, but I guess it was his loss. Not only did Ryan's mother ask me to come up, but also Brendon wanted me to keep an eye on his boyfriend. And not like that but to make sure he was ok, taking his meds that he had left, and not straining myself, but with the time he was spending with Pete, I wasn't sure if I should be watching him that way too.

I looked from Pete to the kit to Pete then to Ryan and back to the kit, a smile growing on my face, "Fuck yea I would, but like," I sighed, checking out the people in the rest of the room, "I haven't seen Andy yet, and I figured that would be rude, cause you know it's his and what if he walked in and was 'oh look, there is some freak on my drums, I'm going to kick his ass' and then I'd try to run and trip and break something..." My words came out faster than I had expected them too as I gulped, then blushed, realizing I probably just sounded like a 12 year old girl.

Managing to smile and make eye contact with Ryan and Pete, I rolled my eyes, "Nope, really, I'm all set with just watching and not touching," I laughed, glancing back at the drum set that I knew was screaming my name. I just didn't want to be rude.

Pete laughed and clamped Spence on the shoulder. "What fun is it without a little danger? Just don't break the kit and Andy will never know you fooled around on it." He winked and gave Spence a gentle shove toward the kit. "Go for it, get the feel, see what you think. If Andy comes back just run." He grinned at me before crossing his arms over his chest and watching Spence go over to the drums.

"You're mean Pete. Will Andy flip if he finds out someone he doesn't know used his kit while he wasn't around? I don't want my drummer getting killed cause you told him to do something. I know how you are."

He flashed a grin at me and shrugged. "Andy probably won't care. He's far too mellow anyway, besides, I've seen Spence on the kit, if anything Andy would be impressed and he'd be talking to Spence about drums, kits, sticks, rhythm, and everything else. Then of course they'd probably discuss the band Spence is in and Andy would wanna hear their music. So I can't see how it isn't a win win unless Spence decimates the kit before the show and Andy has nothing to play on." Pete threw his arm around me. "Don't worry, Ry."

I nodded and watch Spencer, I could only imagine how big of a dream it had to be for him to play on such a kit.. He had a good kit, but it wasn't anything like Andy's, that’s for sure. "Thanks for the invite Pete, for tonight. This week has been great and it's good to be back, going to a party, a Fall Out Boy after party, that’s...god...I'm never gonna wanna leave LA now!" I laughed and leaned into him a little, which was good cause my leg was getting tired.

Looking at Pete skeptical, I scratched the back of my neck, debating on whether it was a plea to get me away so they could talk more privately or if I really could play. I made eye contact with Ryan, and his eyes read worry, so it couldn't mean that he had planned this or anything, like they weren't just talking about this in hushed tone before I came over.

I knew I sounded paranoid, but I was Team Brendon and part of being his best friend was making sure his boyfriend was behaving. Brendon called me the other night and told me about his phone call with Ryan. He said he was too afraid to talk to Ryan after their little fight. I wasn't sure what was up with those two. Luckily when they are around each other, they were game on, but when they weren't, jealously kicked in at 100%.

Again, I stared at the set, thinking of telling Brendon how I played it, and who I left alone while I did so. Well, ok, so what he didn't know or I didn't tell wouldn't hurt him. I walked towards the drums, peering back over my shoulder with a smile, then found some sticks near by. I was about to sit down when Andy came in. We both looked at each other like deer caught in head lights, then I pointed over my shoulder, shaking under the presence of a drumming God ~~sorry, if it were Travis Barker I would have already passed out~~.

"Um, Pete, Ryan's friend," my thumbs still pointed, "He, he said you wouldn't care if I pounded on it a few..." Andy simply crossed his hands over his chest, looked from Pete to me and shrugged.

Pete smirked as he looked at me and held onto me a little more firmly with his arm around my waist. "Maybe that’s part of my intent."

I glanced over at him then laughed, shaking my head a little. "I'm sure I'll be back. Besides, once the guys are ready you're gonna want to see them again and sign them." I smiled and shrugged a little. "It's not that far away from Vegas to get here anyway, so I can come out if I'm needed...or wanted here." I gave Pete a look before I saw Andy come over and muttered a quick 'uh oh' before leaning onto my crutches and pulling away from Pete to make my way over to Andy, Pete trailing behind me.

"Pete told him to Andy, I swear he did. Spence is the drummer of the band I'm managing back home, I think he just wants to feel what it's like to play your kit. I swear he won't break it." My eyes flitted over to Spence and my eyebrow quirked. "Right Spence?"

Pete walked over to Andy and clapped him on the shoulder. "Let the kid play. Who knows, maybe you'll be impressed and end up talking me into signing his band just on the drummer's merit and I'll have a platinum seller signed to my label just because you told me to." He was flattering Andy and trying to divert any anger he might have for Spence being so near his set and intending to play it. I gave Spence a small smile as I resituated myself, thinking that I needed to find a place to sit before too long, especially if I was going to be standing the whole show on my right leg.

In turn, Andy let me jam on his set for a while, well, until they let the crowd in and we had to clear most of the backstage area. It was cool. And strangely, Andy smelled nicer than I thought he would. He stood next to me and I played, and gave me some advice as well as asked me how I did a certain beat. Me with drums, I was like the guy from Drumline I wasn't good at reading the music, but if I heard a beat, I could play it, or at least attempt to.

I shook hands with Andy after we were kicked off the set and he mentioned something about a party afterwards. I told him Pete had invited me, he smiled, looked from Ryan and Pete, who were now sitting in the corner and stated that he wanted to talk some beats with him. I nodded as some little hairy guy came and jumped on his back, pulling him away.

Once I got back to Pete and Ryan, I sat down and sighed, not even caring this time if I interrupted their conversation, I held out my hand to Pete, "Thanks, man, that was fucking awesome!" I grinned then smiled at Ryan, "You ok?" I asked, patting his cast, "Do you need to take anything so it will kick in in time for the show?"

"Nah, I'm fine, just was getting tired of standing. Pete's actually pointed out the perfect place for me to watch the show and be able to sit and still see everything. I guess it's where he stands sometimes when he watching but can't go out into the crowd. Hopefully the next show I go to I can be in the crowd though, I hate having to miss out because if this horrid thing." I frowned down at the lump of cast surrounding my leg, it sucked beyond belief to have to sit out of the pit because I couldn't really stand well, because of crutches, and because of the ribs that I didn't want squashed in the pit after breaking them.

Pete reached up and ruffled my hair. "Next show, you're VIP babe. I'll get you backstage passes, early entry, everything your little heart desires. You can get on barrier before the fans are let in and get yourself established with your friends right on the front, though I expect you chose a spot that’s pretty much in front of me."

I laughed softly and nudged Pete with my shoulder before reaching up to fix my hair. "Thanks, Pete, I'm sure the guys will all appreciate it. You do mean to give me enough passes or clearance to get all the guys in, right?"

He laughed and nodded. "Well maybe all but your boyfriend." He winked at me and I shook my head.

"Can we please not talk about Brendon tonight?" I looked over at Spence and changed the subject. "That was awesome, by the way. You and Andy talk at all about drums and...um...everything?" I blushed a little cause I knew I didn't know enough about drums to actually ask questions that made it sound like I knew what I was talking about.

Glancing up to the stage, I smiled at the view then addressed Pete, "Nice spot. I'll try to contain myself from jumping up and down," I laughed. Normally at my own shows, I like to watch the other bands, cause I myself and sitting on my ass most of the time. I watched the first band set up, then tuned into the conversation next to me as I heard Ryan say he didn't want to talk about Brendon.

That sparked my interest. He still seemed mildly put off by it, which most likely meant that Brendon did not call Ryan back like I told him to. I also told him I was not going to leave LA with Ryan until the two of them were on ok terms.

Nodding to Ryan about Andy, I told him some of the things we discussed, tapping out on Ryan's cast with the sticks Andy had given me. He showed me this kick as beat that I would have to show to the guys, cause it would go with a song we were working on. At the moment, it was too slow for us, but if I did it double time, then it might work.

The guys from the first band we jumping around, getting their guitars on, which meant the show was about to start, I couldn't wait. I loved going to shows, but I also enjoyed being on the other side of it, behind, listening to just the beat and not so much hearing the words, but the muffled sounds and feeling the bass. It was heaven.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I relaxed back into the back seat of Spencer's SUV as Alex drove us home. It was funny how the apartment had become home again so quickly, it made me worry if I'd ever really think of Vegas as home again or if there would be a large part of me that would think of LA as my one true home. I just felt so at ease among the bustle of LA and all the people, it just felt like home and I felt at home there. I started to think of moving to LA after college, but it was only a thought for the time being because I was still rather distracted by the night and the situation.

Spencer was tipsy and leaning against me, singing rather loudly along with the music that Alex had on. It was actually kinda cute and his voice wasn't all that bad although I didn't think he should try and take over Brendon's position in the band. I felt a twinge of something as I thought about Brendon for the first time since he was brought up earlier that night. I'd managed to forget just about everything else but those around me and the music for the night. The show had really gone off and the crowd was amazing, I had wished my leg weren't in a cast and my ribs hadn't been broken so I could have been down in the pit with everyone. You could just feel the energy wash off all those kids, I knew the guys in the band felt it, more so I knew Pete felt it. It was the best Fall Out Boy show I think I'd ever seen.

The after party that we were invited to was beyond anything I'd ever experienced. It was held at Pete's house and it was mostly for the guys, their friends, and a handful of others. Alcohol was found all around the house and poured generously into cups and in other places there was non alcoholic drinks poured just as generously for those driving, those who didn't drink and those who couldn't drink. Needless to say I wasn't allowed to drink while I was still on the meds and I was just starting to finish them, so it would be another week before I'd be allowed to drink again. It sucked to have to be sober for the night, but I had Alex who offered to drive, so he didn't drink, and Pete also chose not to drink in support of me. Every one else seemed to enjoy themselves.

Pete's house was amazing, I was given a tour almost as soon as I'd arrived, Pete even took his time with me, letting me pause and rest whenever I felt a little too tired to keep going. He showed me everything and I'd never been so impressed or jealous of someone's house in my life. I wanted to be the one Pete had invited to move in, he probably would have if it weren't for my relationship, and if he had I would have probably considered it to the point that my relationship might not have survived. I liked his bedroom best out of all the rooms, maybe it was because of the bed, I'm not sure, but I really wanted to just crawl in there and stay there all night, forgetting about the party. I would have had company, Hemmy had taken up residence at the foot of the bed and apparently stayed there all night. At one point I even spent a good hour with him on Pete's bed.

It was approaching four in the morning and we were almost back home, Jacob was rather drunk and he was sitting next to Alex in case we needed to pull over. All in all it was an amazing night and I felt a little let down that it was over. I glanced over at Spencer leaning against me and wondered what Alex thought of his boy that night.

I hummed along to the words the Paramore song that I only knew the chorus to. I knew most of the songs that were playing since, well, it was my CD and since I left my iPod in the apartment, we had in the Warped Tour Complication CD. I clapped my hands as I heard MxPx, leaning up against the seat belt to ask Alex to turn this one up, rubbing his shoulder soothingly before falling back onto Ryan. Dancing around in the seat, I sang along, thinking about the night I had just experienced.

It was so surreal: partying with the guys from Fall Out Boy, and other FBR bands. I hung out with Andy most of the night though, the other guys were either playing video games, talking about the recording studio or hanging with their girlfriends or doing, I wasn't sure, something. I kept my eye on Ryan ~~and Alex~~ most of the night when he was around, but when Andy presented me with the Jack and Cokes that someone kept passing him, I continued switching my regular Coke out with his. And suddenly, after five drinks, he became my best friend.

I really didn't want to leave the party, but it was getting late, and I was feeling the alcohol. Plus, I wanted at least five minutes alone with Alex. All I really needed was for him to feel me up, and I would most likely come in my pants on the spot. Sexual frustration was starting to kick in. And I would have been stupid not to notice him talking to someone earlier but staring at me as I sucked on an ice cube, letting it melt and slid in and out of my mouth.

I looked around, it was my car. I laughed at that, realizing it had been a while since I had been in the back of my parents hand-me-down SUV. I smiled over at Ryan, thinking about the first time I felt up my girlfriend exactly where he was sitting. "You know," I started as I leaned over to him, my seatbelt restraining me a little, "I made out with my girlfriend once, right where you are sitting," I couldn't hold back the laughter, "She was a bad kisser tho," my head swayed as I used one of my arms that was balancing me to point to the drivers seat, "Nothing like Alex, he has skills!" I nodded matter of factly to Ryan, grinning at him.

I laughed at Spencer and shook my head. "You forget Spence, I already know the skills he's got. I taught him a thing or two and he taught me a thing or two. So you don't have to tell me about his skills cause you're right, he does have skills." I looked up toward Alex and smiled to myself before glancing back at Spence. "Wait till you get to experience all his skills." I smirked a little. "Boys got skills that belong in pornos."

I laughed softly and glanced over at Jacob. "You doing okay up there? Not gonna hurl or anything? We don't need to pull over?"

Jacob shook his head and reclined the seat just a little and I smiled. "Spence, he might squish you, you might want to move over to the middle if he's going to lay back anymore than that." I grinned and motioned for him to move over if he wanted to, no pressure but I thought it'd let Jacob take care of himself a little more.

Alex looked in the rear view mirror. "Do you guys wanna stop and get anything? Coffee or anything? There's an all night coffee shop right up here and we could get you all something. We don't have to. I'm meeting the rest of the guys after we get home to make sure everyone got home okay and no one needs anything since I think you and I are the only ones who didn't drink anything at all tonight. So I figure I'll make a pot of coffee when we get home and then see who needs it and figure out who is going to have a hangover in the morning. I'm just glad tonight was a Friday night, otherwise we'd all be in trouble for work tomorrow." He looked into the rear view mirror to look at me. "We miss you, you know? At meetings and work and everything? It's...not as happy without you there."

I smiled softly and nodded a little. "I miss you guys too, Lex. Every day. I think I wanna come back next summer, do this again without having to go home."

I nodded. How could I forget about the wonderful relationship that Alex and Ry shared while they were in high-school. Hell, I used to see it everyday and now I had to hear about it from Brendon. In a way, I was glad I didn't have the best fuck I would ever have in my life at a young age, or in their case with my best friend. I was glad my girlfriend was a horrible unsatisfying lay, cause I couldn't image it being perfect and then breaking up with her and seeing her everyday. That would be the worst thing ever.

I squinted, holding my left eye closed. All this thinking was making my head hurt. Or it could be the alcohol, I wasn't sure. I stared out the window as the only two sober guys in the car talked, stating that I didn't need to stop, I was quite content with all the liquids I had drank tonight.

Listening to Ryan's instructions, I unbuckled myself and squeezed over next to him, letting my legs stay behind Jacob's seat. I leaned against him smiling, "Bren misses you too," I nodded, "He called me and he misses you. Do you miss him? I do, I see him everyday and sometimes if I don't my days don't seem complete, you know? He is the bestest friend I have ever had and he is hyper. I wish I was as hyper as him. He makes me laugh and can swim really good. And play the piano. I wanted to play the piano, but my parents didn't have money for lessons, so Bren tried to teach me when we were ten. I decided to just bang on pots and pans and buckets instead. We started a band our fourth grade summer. We called it Mop and Glow because the buckets I found at my grandma's house to play on always smelled like mop and glow." I smiled and took a deep breath, not realizing I had said all that with one.

Chuckling, I wrapped my arm around Spencer and grinned at him a little bit. I wasn't really going to answer his first question, I wasn't totally sure how I felt about missing Brendon. It wasn't like I didn't miss my boyfriend, it wasn't something like that, it was just that I wasn't sure how I felt about the situation he and I were currently in and I really didn't want to talk about him. So if Spence could go off on other tangents and forget about asking him about Brendon he'd be perfectly happy. he knew he shouldn't look at it that he'd deal with Brendon when he got home, but right at that moment that’s how he felt about it.

"Well, you've got your own band, no more pots and pans. Did you have fun at the show tonight Spence? I already can tell that you had fun at the after party. it looks like Andy took pretty good care of you although he got you a bit drunk. But what about the show? Are you glad you stayed and went?" Reaching up, I brushed the hair from his face, he was a mess, it was kinda cute.

I glanced around us and realized we were almost back to the apartment. I was looking forward to curling up in bed even though I wasn't really all that tired. I thought that maybe I'd put a dvd in until Alex came to bed so that I could relax and just enjoy it until I fell asleep. I needed to take one of my pills before I went to bed, those often made me a little sleepy, so I wasn't worried about falling asleep eventually, it was just the fact that I was pretty wired and it was around four in the morning. I knew I should have been asleep. We all should have been asleep.

"You about ready to get to bed, Spence?"

"Nope!" I smiled and shook my head as Jacob got out of the car. Fumbling I leaned up and pulled the seat upright, almost falling, then sliding out the seat myself. I giggled. The movements were getting the alcohol flowing in my body again, instead of just sitting there and letting it absorb. I felt my way around the car, looking at my hand once I got to Ryan's door and opened it.

"EWW!" I pressed my hand to Ryan's face as he looked for his crutches, "Look, my car is dirrrrr-tay!" I made a face before wiping the dirt on my jeans, "I had the bestest time tonight and Andy is the coolest guy ever. He is funny, but not as funny as my bestest friend ever!" I laughed, thinking again of Brendon. I guess I really did miss him, "But I'm not ready for bed!" I shook, my head falling forward sharply from the force of it. Alex told us to wait as he helped Jacob upstairs, but I decided we didn't need his help.

Once Ryan was out of the car, I asked him for his keys, and felt up Ry's thighs and across his pockets in the process of finding them. Again, I giggled, "I don't wanna sleep, Ryan," I pouted as we approached the elevator, and I pushed the button for the fifth floor, "I really just want to get that best friend of yours naked and let him use his skills to remove this buzz," I pointed to my head and grinned as I helped him into the elevator then rested against the side.

I raised my eyes at Spence and shook my head. "So that’s all you want out of tonight? To be drunk and have sex with my best friend, huh? What am I supposed to do while you're trying to get it on with Lex? Am I supposed to just sit in the other room and listen? Cause honestly, no offense Spence, but I don't really want to listen to you and Alex have sex, or you try and get in his pants or whatever. Unless you're expecting me to be asleep? Although, if I'm asleep something tells me you'll wake me up."

I smiled and shook my head again and looked up to see where we were on the elevator. I knew Alex would flip if he got out to the car and we weren't there so I quickly pulled out my phone and let him know we were heading up to our apartment and that we'd meet him there after he was done taking care of everyone else.

Looking back at Spencer I smiled. "How much did you have to drink, Spence? I'm thinking that maybe we should just put you to bed and let you get some sleep." I smiled at him and reached up again to brush hair from his face. I felt like I had to take care of him even though he could walk and was talking, albeit slurred and very erratic, he was still talking. It was how I felt when Alex was drunk and I needed to take care of him. I just hoped that Spence wouldn't need help getting into the apartment and getting into bed because the cast caused too many problems to actually let me do much by the way of helping. My luck I'd probably fall over trying to help him and end up back in the hospital.

I pouted. I did not come all the way out to LA and not plan on having at least one night alone with Alex. He was my 'friend' too. I slouched as the door ringed and we stepped into the hallway. Opening their apartment, I let Ryan in first, remembering that Jacob lived on another floor, "What's wrong with wanting to be naked with Alex?" I asked as I shut the door, feeling my buzz go away fast as my exhaustion kicked in.

I followed Ryan to Alex's room and asked him if he needed help changing of if I should go get his clothes or something, "I just want one night with him is all Ryan, I know you are his best friend and you came out here to hang out with him and work for the record company," I tried to mimic Bren's pout that always worked on me, "But, I just want to kiss him like I did the last time we were in this room," I motioned around over-dramatically.

By now I had already removed my shirt and was working on my belt, "I want to be with him like you want to be with Bren when you guys are alone or haven't seen each other for a while," I said in a small voice ignoring his question about how much I had to drink. Being out in LA for just a week has made me quite homesick. When I was at my cousins, I slept on the couch and when I was here, I slept in Ryan's bed. My family wasn't around, my dog wasn't there, and neither was my bed. I missed it and just one night, I wanted to feel like someone cared about me out here.

Dammit, Steve was right when he said I was a sappy drunk. But even so, I still wanted to be cuddled against someone.

My eyebrow quirked up as Spencer was stripping in front of me. I wondered how far he was going to go and if he was going to actually strip naked and crawl into Alex's bed. It wouldn't have been a bad thing if he had, I could have gone into my room and curled up in bed alone while he had Alex's bed and had Alex for the night. It all went back to the fact that Alex was mine though. He was my best friend. He was my everything. I knew he and Spence had something going on between them but there was still that part of me that didn't want to share him with Spence completely. I was trying to ignore that though.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting a night with him Spence. Just..." I shook my head a little and shrugged. "I dunno, Spence, I guess I just don't want to have to listen to it all night." I glanced around, my eyes falling on a bag that was on the floor. "I could just take some things and go sleep in someone else's room...it won't make any different either way since I'll be alone on the couch or alone on a bed."

I didn't particularly like how I was feeling, but I hadn't asked Spence to come out and stay in LA while I was there. I had intended to fly out, be picked up, dropped off, and fly home, I never expected to have Spencer drive me or stay with me there the whole time. Of course, following that thought through, that meant that I expected and intended to have Alex to myself all week and I had had him all week but now Spence wanted him to himself. I knew I should just let them fuck and get it over with so I wouldn't have to deal with it the last night but I knew Alex would have something to say if he came back and found out that I'd left.

"Spence...are you stripping?"

I looked down at myself as my pants hit the floor. Biting my lip, I glanced back up at Ryan, "I think so," I shrugged, "Do you not think I am good enough for Alex? Do you think he could have someone better?" I eyed my hands as I played with them in front of me. The motion of me bending over to pick up my pants and button them brought the alcohol back into play again.

"If you don't think we are good together or worthy of being alone together or could have a relationship together or even..." I gulped, "Don't want to give us your permission, then Ryan, just say so. I would never stand in the way of you and Brendon, and I know," I exaggerated, "You and Alex are something so different than me and Brendon would ever dream of being, but I like Alex. And I think he might even like me too. And I don't want to miss out on that."

I sat down near him, "I am not trying to take Alex away from you Ryan, I would never even think of you doing that. But don't you think that Alex deserves the happiness that you share with Brendon? Don't you think that he deserves someone who, along with you, will treat him like a king? I mean, don't get me wrong, even though I may not understand you and Alex's relationship completely, I am not asking you to give him up. Not at all."

Reaching out I grabbed his hand, "All I am asking is for one night. Hell, twenty minutes where he and I can be alone together. We don't have to fuck, we don't have to make noise, but one small amount of time where the two of us can be alone and just be with each other. Just a moment where maybe he can let out his sexual frustrations that you have a boyfriend for..." I felt my head swimming with my confession and a half. I couldn't even recollect what I had just said, nor did I have any clue if it made an ounce of sense.

I shook my head and sighed. "That’s not it Spence, it really isn't." I looked down and closed my eyes for a moment, I really didn't know what to do from there, I mean, it wasn't the truth, it wasn't that I didn't think he was good enough or anything it was just...I dunno, he was my Alex. It was hard to sit back, alone, and watch him go off with someone. It had always been hard, we were weird like that. Even when we knew we couldn't do the whole together thing we always had a hard time when we saw each other go off with someone, especially when we didn't have someone of our own to go off with. If I didn't have to be alone I probably wouldn't have cared at all but there was so much.

I bit my lip and thought about things for a moment. I knew I could call Pete and ask if I could crash at his house for the next two nights so I'd be out of their hair and I wouldn't have to watch it or hear it or be near it. Being in one of the other guys' apartments would still put me nearby and probably would end up in me seeing it the next night cause the guys would have a party.

"I'll...I'll find somewhere to crash for tonight and tomorrow. You can have the apartment to the two of you without me around. Maybe then you'll know it's not that I'm trying to keep you apart." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone, flipping through names and pausing on Pete's, wondering if I really could text him and ask him for a place to stay. He knew about the falling out with Bren, if I asked for a place to stay he'd figure there was a falling out with Alex and Spence too. My head hurt to consider it. It was selfish, I just didn't want to be in the apartment while they were together. It hurt, especially since me and Bren were so on an off.

"Ryan, can I ask you something and you promise not to hate me?" I took his cell phone from his hand, "Why is it that it's ok for you and Brendon to be alone with Alex or me in the next room but not the other way around?" As soon as I asked, I immediately regretted it. I knew it had to do something with being an only child. I had learned about that in my senior Psychology class, and for some reason, it always stuck, because when I came across an only child, I could always see the similarities.

"Look," I set his phone aside but not after glancing at the name on the screen. Pete is the last person in my opinion of who he should he calling. I would never live with myself if Bren found out that it was my fault for Ryan going over to Pete's house unattended. It was time for me to put my needs aside, and as much as what I had just asked was hard to say, this hurt and stung even more. Maybe because I knew deep down, it could be the truth. "I didn't even talk about it with Alex, and this," I motioned around again, "This was all my idea, Alex will probably come back and not even want me to be in this room, it's just something I wanted, ok. So, um," I looked at him and tried to smile, "Just ignore it ok, and don't bring it up to Alex. Ry," I clapped my hand on his shoulder, "Don't leave. I will, ok, I'll go sleep in your bed."

I got up to leave, but turned back around and came to kneel in front of him, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, cause I've noticed you avoiding the conversation all night, but are you and Brendon going to be ok?" I rubbed his legs, looking up at him, "I don't like seeing that distant face when he is mentioned. And I don't like not hearing a smile on Brendon when he asks about you on the phone."

I looked down at Spencer when he knelt in front of me until he brought up Brendon, then I looked away. All of this was too much for me at four in the morning with a tipsy or drunk friend and a best friend who was off somewhere. It was too heavy, it was too much, and I didn't want to have to answer for it or think about it. I was selfish, I knew that I was when it came to Alex. I knew that me and him was something no one could understand nor touch, and while I didn't want that to mean he didn't have someone who made him happy, I didn't really want to know he was all happy with someone and having sex or something and I was alone. Since the accident the idea of being alone was hard, I did it when Alex wasn't home and Brendon couldn't spend the night, but it was harder than I thought it would be. I hadn't told anyone, not even Alex, but I had nightmares of the accident and I thought that was what made it harder for me. At least if one of them were there when I had one I had someone to curl up against when I woke up with fear coursing through my body. I was just lucky, and glad, neither had woken up and realized that I was having the nightmares.

I shrugged a little at Spencer and almost hoped Alex would come back soon so I could avoid talking about my boyfriend. It was hard to even think of him as my boyfriend in that moment and it hurt, and I was confused, and I really didn't want to talk about Brendon. I closed my eyes and sighed softly. "I don't know Spence. I don't know..." I looked up at him and felt like I was a scared five year old looking up at someone who had it together and could scare the monsters away, at least that’s how it felt. "I just don't know."

I leaned back on the bed a little and grabbed Alex's pillow as I thought for a moment. "I don't wanna go back to Vegas. I just...I want to stay here. Things seem...simpler here..." I closed my eyes and laid down, hugging Alex's pillow to me. The scent of Alex soothed me some, but there was still the whole thing of Brendon and it was still looming over me, especially because I could still feel Spencer's hands on my legs. I knew it was only a young person's skewed version of life's drama and injustice, but I couldn't help but be lost in it.

I stood up and sat down next to Ryan, leaning in over him. Brushing some hair out of his face, I tried to smile down at him, "It's ok Ryan, I understand," I continued to play with his hair. He reminded me of my little sister. Sometimes she just needed some extra encouragement, and since she was the baby of the family, she needed it a lot more often then the rest of us.

"Like I said, you don't have to answer it." giving another weak smile, "Here, let's just get you out of these clothes, ok? And then, I will stay here until Alex gets back, and um, then I will just got sleep on your bed, and tomorrow, I'll go over to my cousin's until you absolutely have to go back to Vegas." I cringed when I said it. I knew he didn't want to go, nor did he want to hear it. But I also know that he had a doctor’s appointment Monday afternoon to possibly get a smaller cast.

"I'm going to go change, ok, and then I will get you and I both a glass of water and some pills and you can sleep, do you want me to put in a movie or something, and I can sit with you until Alex gets back?" I asked as I sat up then got to my feet again to grab my shirt off the floor. I had forgotten that I was still naked from the waist up, "Or do you need me to help you to the bathroom or something?"

I shook my head a little and signed to myself. I didn't open my eyes for a few moments, just enjoying laying there on Alex's bed, his pillow just smelled like him, everything felt better, and not. It was hard to really say because I was still so screwed up in my head. When I finally did look up at Spence I had to smile slightly because it was kinda adorable that he was standing there without a shirt on. It kinda made me want to reach out and touch his skin, it was just a little tempting.

I bit my lip and just looked at him. I had no clue how long Alex would be gone, but I just didn't want to be alone, not even for a few moments. But was it really okay to ask Spence to stay and not leave? Especially since he was half undressed and looking adorably like he just wanted to get away from me? I could have been happy stripping down to boxers, curling up in bed, and yeah, even snuggling up against Spencer. He wasn't Alex, but he was a good guy, a friend, even if I didn't know him all that well, we'd gotten to know each other a bit better with being together for the week. We'd gotten to know each other a lot better. But I didn't know if snuggling up against was against the rules.

"Don't...Spence...just...yeah. Can we put in a movie and just watch till Lex comes back? I don't care what. I think he has my Queer As Folk episodes and...well, half of my dvds since I didn't b ring them all home. So feel free to pick whatever you want and put it in..." I shifted a little until I was sitting up. "And...um...don't go? Just...stay here and watch with me? I..." I bit my lip and probably looked like a little lost puppy. "...don't wanna be alone."

Walking over to Ryan, I smiled, smoothing down his hair like a kid. I didn't mean for it to be childish, but he sounded so young and little there for some reason. Letting out a sigh, I walked over to the tv, turned it on and set the dvd player. There was already something in, so I figured it would be as good as anything, because I could fall asleep in less than three minutes. Queer as Folk, who would have guessed.

"Ok, I'll stay, but I'm gonna go get those things, and you better be ready for bed when I get back," I winked at him, making my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and then to his room to find a change of clothes. After relieving my bladder, pulling on a tshirt to go with my boxers and having a fresh mouth, I went to the kitchen to get some water and pills for the both of us.

I could hear the start menu of Queer as Folk playing and I smiled, as I walked back into Alex's room, "Here," I handed him the glass of water and a pill while hitting the remote to start the episodes. Then I took two pills myself and hopped into bed next to him, making sure we both had enough room, "You know," I smiled over to him, "I've never seen Queer as Folk, well, maybe like parts of one season, but my parents would kill me if I watched it, plus, we didn't get the channel," I yawned, "And I'm not sure how much of this one I will see either," I winked, nestling in closer to Ryan. The air had kicked on, and he felt extremely warm.

After struggling to get my pants off and snuggling down into the bed when Spencer joined me, I sighed softly. It felt good to be in bed, it felt good to be laying down, and it felt good to have a warm body against mine. I leaned more in against Spencer and closed my eyes. I knew I said a movie, and yeah, Queer as Folk was close enough to one, but I knew I wasn't going to get through it without falling asleep, I was tired enough, but still, it was after four in the morning, no one should expect me to stay awake.

"You should see it. It's a really good show. Take a weekend and watch a season if you can get it in..." I yawned a little and nestled down a little more into the bed, pulling the blanket up and over my shoulders and over Spence too. "I can take them home with me. You can borrow them or come over and watch them with me. Either way...Lex doesn't need to have them here when they are mine. I'll bring them home with me." I smiled over at him and just let myself stay pressed closed against Spence.

"I don't wanna go home, Spence. I wanna stay here. I miss LA...I miss the internship...I miss the bands I got to interact with. I really...I just...I wanna stay in LA, Spence. I love it here...I think I wanna move here...why did that fucking accident have to happen!?" I sighed softly and closed my eyes again. I knew it wasn't the best idea to rave about LA and wanting to live there to my boyfriend's best friend, but I couldn't help it, if it'd been Alex I'd have been saying it to him too, probably. I just couldn't deal with it and I couldn't deal with the idea of going home at that point because things just seemed so much better in LA than they did in Vegas, at least at that moment in time they did.

I sighed as I watched his small breakdown in front of me, "Here, come here," I mumbled as I pulled him over to me, hugging him the best I could with this cast. I could feel his breath, hot on my chest as I rubbed his back and ran my fingers through his hair trying to sooth him, "It..." I wasn't even sure what to say to all of that. I wanted to tell him that everything happened for a reason, but I knew that was totally cliché and everyone heard it and no one wanted to hear it.

So, instead, I just held him tight against my chest. I listened to his breathing, the show only a noise now in the background, "I realize it must be hard on you Ryan, and, and I know it is hard on Alex too, and Brendon and your family, and even me. I could never imagine what is going through your mind, and I personally wouldn't want to. I know that sounds rude, but you are so strong for making it this far. And I know that everyone around you wants the best for you. It's just, it sucks that what might be best for you at the moment isn't what you want."

Combing my fingers down to his neck, "Just think, in a few more weeks, you will be out of your cast, back to school and living in an apartment with Alex. No, it won't be LA, but it will be you learning so that you could come out and do this again next year. And it will be everyone else in your life at an arms distance, and I know, it's not LA, but it is people who love and care about you." I pulled him tighter to me, hugging him harder. Again, I knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear. I would have been better off to just keep my mouth shut, but I just couldn't.

I pressed closer in against Spencer, one hand moving from around me to grip onto the hem of his shirt. I didn't really know what I was doing or thinking or anything, it had been a long night and a long week, a good week, but a long week. I was back with Alex, he was right there, I was even in his bed. I was back in LA and life there was what it had been before the accident, except for the cast. I got to go to a Fall Out Boy show, be backstage, and I got to spend some time with Pete again. I also got to be with Spencer and got to know him.

I had a fight with Brendon.

I didn't want to return to Vegas.

I wanted life in LA. I wanted life with Alex. I wanted life with the bands. I wanted all of it but Spencer was right, I couldn't have it, it probably wasn't best for me. I couldn't help it though, I couldn't help wanting what I wanted. It just sucked that a car accident changed all that. Maybe it would have all been different and maybe I wouldn't have felt quite so strongly about it if it hadn't been for my fight with Brendon, or the fact that we hadn't talked since. Going home would mean going home to an unknown, the unknown of where he and I stood and the unknown if we'd even want to see each other when I got back. Love was a scary thing, I loved Brendon, but after the fight I didn't like him and I found ways to not think about him. I think, had we broken up that night, I'd have ended up spending nights in bed with someone else, maybe one of the other interns, maybe someone in a band, but we hadn't and I didn't know if he'd tell me he wanted to when I got home. I was just done with dealing with all of it, it was too much for my heart and head to handle. Brendon and I were so different, I tried to be perfect for him, what he wanted, what he needed, what he expected, but I couldn't live up to that and I was just...I was different. It hadn't gotten in the way before except for our fights.

I hated our fights.

I held onto Ryan as tight as I could until I couldn't hold anymore. He was quiet and when there was silence, I lost interest in everything. Hell, I used to fall asleep in classes when we were supposed to be taking tests. I tried to interest myself in the show until he was ready to talk again, but I couldn't.

I felt my subconscious taking over slowly, at least I thought it was slow until I opened my eyes, not even knowing I had closed them, and I wasn't even sure for how long. I wanted to wait up for Alex, but I had no clue when he would get back.

Alex. I smiled to myself. He was such a mystery to me, yet I felt like I knew him. We hadn't spent hardly any time together since I have been here, and I honestly didn't think we would spend much more after that. I knew Ryan needed and wanted his time with Alex. But, somewhere deep down, so did I. But, it was obvious who Alex chose to spend all his waking time with. And, I guessed that was how it would be for the rest of my life. I liked Alex and I wanted to get to know him, but I wasn't sure if I could play second for the entirety of a relationship.

I sighed again, not even sure where that tangent had come from, but just thinking about it made my mind wonder to the nights events and then slap myself for actually still being awake. I tightened my grip on Ryan, and felt myself falling, deeper and deeper into my thoughts and sleep.

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 18:46:26 GMT

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:31:12
From: Spencer <spencersmith@tmail.com>
Subject:
To:ryro@tmail.com

well i actually did take a shit. but yea we are havin an affair & its more fun!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:32:54
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@tmail.com>
Subject:
To: spencersmith@tmail.com

lol, is that what we are then? maybe we better get our affiar going then!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:34:26
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

What do yu want us to say Brendon? We're madly passionately in love and that we're dating and that he's th only one for me? Cuz I dunno that thats where we're at. Spence and I would have to have a long talk before we actually put a label on it I guess. For all I know Spence wants my best friend and is using me to get to him.

Ry you're secretly dating Spence too? Sweet! Maybe we should have a secret threesome to go with our secret relationships?

Spence, you do look hot, enjoy it, but wheres all the eyeliner? You look hot in eyeliner!

Ry, are you ditching me for Spencer? My heart is shattered! :(

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:35:17
From: Spencer <spencersmith@tmail.com>
Subject:
To:ryro@tmail.com

what affair? haha, im holding out for your best friend!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:38:24
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@tmail.com>
Subject:
To: spencersmith@tmail.com

the affair you said we were having idiot, look at your sent message, don't tell me we're having an affair and then pretend we're not

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:41:22
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

there, fianlly come answers! ggez, its like pulling teeth with you kids. but just so ytou knwo, you have my blessing for sure! -grins-

and you know what, you all enjoy your whatever the fuck you are doing while i slave hard at work. i work hard, all i want is some peace and quite, but noooooooo -hands on hips-

no more pics for cheaters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damn water cooler spilled water on my crotch :( now im all wet.....

sad&lonelybren

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:41:23
From: Spencer <spencersmith@tmail.com>
Subject:
To:ryro@tmail.com

O yea, that 1. about that...im seeing someone else...sorry, haha

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:43:45
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, lexsex@yahoo.com

Alex you know I'd never ditch you for Spence, you're my Lex and always be, so don't think like that, but he's here and you're still in LA...not really like you can come hang out and keep me company today even though I wish you could. And no more you and Spence questions...at least not from me, I don't need you to answer to me, just be happy.

And Bren, I wouldn't pressure Lex about answering questions about him and Spence or you may turn him off to your best friend completely, unless thats what you want then feel free. As for what we're doing...Spence and I are having pizza and texting, maybe we'll go watch a movie. If you're working maybe we should leave you do it, not flaunt our 'whatever the fuck we're doing' in front of your eyes.

I'm going to get a drink, Spence can use the comp if he wants to whiel I'm gone.

R

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:45:42
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@tmail.com>
Subject:
To: spencersmith@tmail.com

way to lie to me asshole

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:54:13
From: Spencer <spencersmith@tmail.com>
Subject:
To:ryro@tmail.com

Im a guy, of course I lie, its r job.

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:55:25
From: Spencer <drummin4life@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, bdenurie@hotmail.com

*wides eyes* cuts tension with a knife.

Shit Urie. You are in trouble now. Didn't I warn you about watching what you say, well, in this case type? (I'd hate to be you right now!)

Chill, are we are doing is watching a movie. You know I would never make a move on Ryan. I don't play like that. And he better not be right, if you turn Alex off on me...I'll make sure you never walk again! I've taken a liking to his body on top of mine.

*welcomes Alex and Ryan back into the convo* Do you guys have color schemes you agree on for the new place? Browns are really in right now. Sorry, this lack of work has been a surplus of the Home and Garden channel.

SPIN

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 01:59:12
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@tmail.com>
Subject:
To: spencersmith@tmail.com

oh, is that how it is? nice to know you'll lie whenever you want then

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:00:15
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

Ry, calm down, its okay. I know you're cool, so calm down.

My room will be red and black and white I think. Ry's, well, I think his will either be the same or he'll switch it up and do purple instead of red. Everything else we have pretty similar tastes so I think we can work that out just fine. Itll take us a little while to get everything done and the way we want it though I'm sure, but I think the whole place will look good.

As for the questions...To a point Ry is right, but since Spence and I haven't really talked about what or where we are with whatever it is, its really nothing that we can answer questions about and if we get pressured to, who knows what'll happen, maybe it'd push whatever this is away, I dnt know right now. But I think what Ry was trying to say was let us get to that when we're ready without too many questions because we don't have the answers to those questions. Right Ry?

Spence, you're taking care of my best friend, right? I know when he's upset, he's upset...make sure he's okay?

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:02:01
From: Spencer <spencersmith@tmail.com>
Subject:
To:ryro@tmail.com

OMFG. where are you?

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:08:23
From: Spencer <drummin4life@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, bdenurie@hotmail.com

Coolio. I can do that Alex. And I am trying to take care of him the best I can. You are doing a good job yourself, of course.

The room sounds cool. I like those colors. Like straight out of a Target display or something.

And yes, we haven't talked about it. I personally don't believe there is much to talk about. But, we have to remember that this kind of stuff means things to Brendon. This is his first relationship ever. First time he has ever had sex or been in love. So, he still thinks that that his how it is supposed to be. *pets him and his innocence* It's ok Bren, i still love you, you little naive Gent.

And I'll give you an update once Ryan gets back. Then, actually, i will go get a drink myself, so in reality, Ryan will give you his own update. *laughs*

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:09:52
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@tmail.com>
Subject:
To: spencersmith@tmail.com

in the kitchen getting a drink, where I said I was going. I also got ice cream.

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:12:10
From: Spencer <spencersmith@tmail.com>
Subject:
To:ryro@tmail.com

Well, get ur ass back up here. haha

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:13:15
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

Target? wtf Spence, Target? NO, not out of a Target add or display or any of that shit. Thats just...wrong!

Yeah, well thats his relationship with Ry, not whatever is going on with you and me. Just because his relationship with Ry is everything perfect, puppies and ice cream, doesn't mean that you and I are doing the same thing or going down the same route. the straight truth...I don't tend to do relationships, things are what they are, it goes that way or it ends and thats usually how I do things. if that changes, doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and proclaim it or even talk about it. It just is what it is.

Rys upset, Spence, you may have to go get him. I get the feeling something pushed him too far. :(

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:15:51
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

right. i can tell im just a kid listening in on an adult conversation about me and my what was it 'perfect, puppies and ice creram' relationship

as you can tell its obviously not

srry i asked or cared
i was just trting to make conversation but yes, spence is right, my words have messed with things agian

you all take care, im gonna go back to alphabetizing the files

ry, it was nice while it lasted. -goes back in doghouse-

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:19:21
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@tmail.com>
Subject:
To: spencersmith@tmail.com

no

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:20:03
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

Brendon, that wasn't what i meant. you guys argue and shit, but all couples do, in the end you two are pretty fucking perfect, puppies and ice cream. Just cuz Rys upset doesn't mean its all about you either. For all you know Spence pissed him the fuck off unless you're talking to him and he told you why he's upset.

it isn't that you care, thats cool and all, but I don't have any answers for you and its one of those things where it is what it is. Spence and I like to fuck around, just cuz we do doesn't mean we're going to go down the same path you and Ry are. Just cuz we like to have sex with eachother doesn't mean that we're going to end up married after college like I'm pretty fucking sure you and Ry will. Ry's emotional like a chick, but he's amazing and I know you love him, fuck, I can see you buying him a fucking ring, proposing, and him bawling like a baby when saying yes. Then again, you're pretty fucking emotional too, you two make an interesting couple. Spence and I just aren't there I don't think. We're something different, and I can't speak for him but I don't think he's looking at me to buy him an engagement ring soon if ever.

chill out Bren, seriously. And if you're gonna give up that fast and easy maybe you should put off the engagement ring till after graduate school or you've sold a couple million records. :)

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:21:23
From: Spencer <drummin4life@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, bdenurie@hotmail.com

BRB guys..........................gonna go tend to Ry.

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:29:49
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

good luck spence :( tell him i love him......give him HUGE hugs from me, and alex too

haha
dammit, and i already made two down payments
i guess i can quit my job, since those finiances are out the window
-shakes head-

so is that what you did with ry then? i mean when you guys 'fucked around' or was that more (sexually, i am quite aware you guys are and were best friends and love each other)? i mean, is that kind of how it is with spence (only without the whole best friend and loving each other more than anything in the whole entire world)? and if this question is me opening my mouth again, then plese, ignore me

i simply as questions i dont know the answer to, but want to be informed. i jsut do it until i am told to shut the fuck up. how else am i supposed to know or learn?

and i dunno -has a heart to heart with alex- sometimes...i feel like i fuck up to much. like its hard to please ryan, evne tho i try. like...i say things, and its just me messing up...

bren -is still alphabetizing even-

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:32:33
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

Me and Ry from before was different from me and Spence now. yeah, we were and are best friends and all that, me and spence aren't. I can't really put lines and definitions on either situation. Ry is the closest thing I've had to a real relationship in a long time. I don't do well with relationships and he didn't for a long time either. He and i had something seriously complicated and deep and possibly very screwed up but very perfect at the same time at the time. Its really hard to explain, he was in many senses a boyfriend and in many others he wasn't. We never labeled ourself anything other than best friends. Me and Spence...we're fucking around and having fun, but its different than me and Ry. Thats pretty much the best I can give you on that.

yeah, but thats the way things go, Bren. You say shit, it fucks up the relationship, you make up, you have makeup sex and the cycle repeats. Sometimes the fucking up is more often with some than with others, but thats what makeup sex is for, at least when one of you doesn't have broken ribs and a doctors order to refrain from orgasming. and you can't tell me that Ry never fucks up too. Ry fucks up with me sometimes, I'm sure he's gotta fuck up with you too. hell, I know he does, he fucked up when he get fucked up and that shit happened at the party and the shit with Pete. I know he fucks up, so its just something the two of you work through, have make up sex after working through it and get over it. It is hard to please him sometimes, but the truth is, you make him happy and I know Ry enough to know that he's happy enough to brush off the fucking up and cling to the happy shit. He's just stubborn and emotional, not always a good combo.

you've dealt with him this long, you still wanna deal with him and everything that comes with him?

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:41:18
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

i understand thanks for answering the question alex. i appreciate it. i makes more sense now, really. like spence said, i only knew love from my family and the movies...and not the OC or that one annoying mtv show with anotehr spencer

but yea

you know it. you fucking know that ryan is worth anything and everything. its just hard. and its just life when we fight. and yea, more consistant and over the same things. see, the thing is, we are both stubborn and emotional, haha so its even a worse combo than just one. we butt head so much. and well, yes, the make up sex is fucking fantabulous in a million ways

it just rips at the heart striongs when it happens. and i know yoyu know this too and have been throug this too, you are just my outlet to let it out, haha lucky you
and i guess ry and spence too when they get back to their comps and read this.

but you and spencer are cute together too. not that i needed to see it that day, haha, but im glad yo guys get along well. it makes things somewhat easier, i dunno why, but it does/

and thanks alex. you knwo. for being you
and for helping me see the light
i knwo the answers deep down, but ...im naive and young, soemtimes i need to told to me a cou-ple milliuon times before it sinks in....you knwo?

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:46:52
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

Bren, Ry adores you. I haven't seen him adore someone since me, and well, thats really a hard comparison to make cuz he and I are just so unusual for friends and ex lovers and all. Ry is worth everything and anything, I believe that but I'm also biased because he is my best friend. You are both stubborn and emotional, is what causes your arguments and fights sometimes, but I'm sure can make the sex hot and exciting. You're young still Bren, lots to learn about life, love and everythign else. Hell, you haven't started college yet. You'll get there and if all goes well Ry will be there with you as you do.

andthanks about me and Spence. He's a sweetheart, thats for sure, and the fact that until that time here in LA that he'd never been with a guy...pretty hot. I am who I am though, and I'm pretty sure you don't totally approve of the way I've treated Spence when I've been around Ry lately, but you of all people should understand part ofwhat I'm feeling since teh accident. Spence helped me through all that and things have gone from there. he likes gay sex, I'm availableto give it to him, I'm not sure either of us have thought too far beyodn that, well, other than friends and the whole band connection thing.

Ry's fragile tho, he doesn't always seem it, but he is. Just keep that in mind every so often and maybe he'll keep that in mind about you too. You guys wll be fine, I'm sure.

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:53:14
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

*blushes* thanks. you're right. what? does it come as a package deal with you and ry being correct all the time? or shit...spence is getting it too...do i have to be plugged into you eventually so i get the smart/rigth/good ideas too?

i can understand that. and i do with you. and with you and spence. i am not judging you guys in any way, shape or form. in some ways i might be jealous that his first time with a guy was without strings of sorts. even tho, i am glad i did it with someone i loved and loved me. if that makes any sense.

and yes....you did need someone. and he does need someone. so it was perfect. congrats on that. haha

and i know he is fragile. its just with him more than anyone i have ever known in my entire life...i can honestly say that i dont know what part will trigger an argument....but, that will come with time and learning. i know that. and i really cant wait until i can read him so well that i actually pick fights with him just for the make up sex -grins like a fool-

oh, i think the red, black and white sounds cool. you goign for patterns or shapes or stripes and solids? shit...i sound like a myspace layout page, haha

Brendon B. Urie

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 02:59:34
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

lol, i dunno, Spence did say he wanted a foursome, so we could always try it and find out, lol

Sex without strings for your first time isn't always the best, maybe it worked for Spence, but I don't think that was his first time ever even having sex, so it might work better that way. But being with someone you love for your first time has benefits that raw sex, no strings attached doesn't have. So be happy with what you got for your first time, it may have had its own issues as well with the coming fast and everything, but still it was someone you loved and they loved you too, so thats special.

As for me and Spence, yeah, I needed someone bad that day. He was a good person and he took care of me, it was good and so very needed. Its interesting where its gone from there but God only knows where it yet has to go. I like having sex with your best friend, I'll admit that for sure.

As for picking fights, you'll get there. Pay attention to him, pay attention to what kicks that switch and you'll learn pretty fast to figure it out, it isn't all that hard actually, I'm sure you can figure it out pretty quickly if you pay close attention. :)

I know Ry well enough to know whats gonna set him off, we don't fight much, we never have, but I know how to start it and there were times when I would because of what making up was like. I'm almost jealous of you and your making up with him...his loooong body and those looooooong fingers...*smirks*

Nah, red walls with white and black accents and shit. It'll be hot, trust me.

Ry, Spence, you guys die on us?

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:08:36
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

well, we have sometinhg in common, i like having sex with your best friend too, haha

yes...i think one fight could do with two four letter words..one beginning with a p the other an m. so, i'll lock that shit up for sure.

and arent his limbs amazing? shit....i ddin know it was possible. but i would swear or put money on it, that those hip bones taste like cotton candy! it's crazy! i dunno where it comes from. it's like a whole carnival in one body...from the stilts to the slide to the ferris wheel to the house of mirrors. haha i should really stop day dreaming

it ssounds hot!

:( oooh, speaking of the :( i didnt really read you as a smiley face sort of guy, haha, but cool none the less.
you think one of us should give them a call, or just wait it out?

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:13:21
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

lol, well, ry is definitely easy to like having sex with, so I understand that one. :)

Ah, well you both dislike someone in eachother's lives, is pretty normal. Pete is gonna be around though, he and Ry got along and hit it off, I think they made friends and I think Pete valued ry and still does. So you are going to need to try and like him or something because he's not as bad as I know you think he is. As for Ry and Matt...I can't explain that one but he'll have to learn to deal with matt too. its something you two will need to work through and I'm sure you can with some time. You need to get cool with Pete and he needs to get cool with Matt, the only way that'll happen is good experiences in person.

Ry's limbs are, fuck, his whole body is amazing. His perfectly flat stomach, jutting hip bones, long thin legs, long lean arms, tiny wrists, fucking long fingers, pouty lips, doe eyes...he's quite lithe and bendy too. Boy's amazing. lol, cotton candy, huh? You should try them covered in chocolate, lol. maybe we should go for a foursome, lol.

eh, sometimes I do get smiley happy.
Spence must be taking car of Ry, maybe he was more upset than I thought he was.

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:16:25
From: Spencer <drummin4life@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, bdenurie@hotmail.com

OK. I think Ryan will be OK. I simply talked to him. And hugged him. He just answered the phone, so I'm not sure when we hill be back, but just wanted to let you know that your best friend/boyfriend is good to go.

What did I miss? I could reread, but I am too lazy right now, haha.

Oh, Alex, are you as excited as we are to come to LA in couple of weeks? It's the last fun we get to have before we go back to school! I can't wait. I need to go shopping...Bren, you want to go with me? Maybe we can get one of those motorized cart things and Ryan can go to. That should be fun!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:20:11
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

I'm glad Ry'll be okay. I was starting to worry. Do me a favor Spence, when we all go our seperate ways, curl up with him and hold him if he's still upset? It always works for me, just tell him to pretend you're me. Put a movie on, or music and just baby him for me. That should pretty much do the trick and bring him back to the Ry we know and love.

Of course I'm excited for you guys to be back here, are you kidding? We've pretty much got major shit planned too and I know the label does too. I believe there will be a party with all of us, label people and bands. Oh, Andy was talking about you to Pete and me the other day, I think he wants to see you again and talk drums with you or something and they said they'd be there at the party, they didn't say if Patrick or Joe would be, but those two for sure. A few other bands we've worked with will be there too, so you'll get to meet all of them. Bren, don't worry, My Chem won't be around, so you've only gotta deal with Pete. And I think shopping sounds like a ton of fun, but lets leave the motorized cart out of it or you'll make Ry feel old and unattractive which I think we can all agree he isn't. I'll give him a piggyback if I need to, but we'll def have to do some shopping and shit. Spence, bring the eyeliner and the clothes you got that day, I think that'll look hot for one of the parties you'll be going to.

Alex.

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:28:02
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

yea, for and from me too spence :( alex and i BOTh wish we were there to take care of him with yuou. now THAT is the type of foursome just a group of friends being friendly WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON!

*grinds wildly*

but shit! now i am excited toooo!
i get a weeks pay or something from the smootie place that i didnt tell my parents about so i can spend some money on some stuff! OH! and alex, remind me to ask you something when i get there...a small favor if you dont mind...

i am so so so so so so excited now!

yea, and spen, the eyeliner is like shoes for you...cant leave the house without them!

sorry.......my dad just brought in some leftover chocoalte cake form the resuratant and SUGAR!

-waves wildly waiting for ry to get back-
kids! i only have a half an hour left of work! woot!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:34:43
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

LOL, that much against a foursome, huh Urie? Would it be that bad to be naked with three men? I mean we've already established how good of a body Ry has, the longness and litheness of his body, its perfect. Or is it that Spence and I just don't have good enough bodies for your taste? ;o)

Sure Bren, just pull me aside when you get here. But yeah, shopping for sure, do you wanna do Rodeo Drive again or go for something a little less expensive? Either way, if you have the option I say we go shopping before the big party so we all have new sexy clothes to show up and wow everyone with. Eyeliner is a must for sure.

Ry, whenever you read all this, I have a present for you I think you'll love!

Uh oh, Bren on sugar, the world better take cover!
Any sign of Ry yet Spence? Or is he in your lap reading everything? I wouldn't put that past him at all!

-Alex

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:36:58
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

exactly...which is why i want to keep that sexy ass body to myself for sure!

WHY? WHAT'S YOU HEAR? WHATS WRONG WITH SUGAR?

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:40:18
From: Spencer <drummin4life@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, bdenurie@hotmail.com

No, he is still on the phone. I think it could be a relative or something, he keeps mentioning his mom...

And ok, ok. Eyeliner it is. You guys are like kids sometimes. Although, I do look pretty sexy in it. Bren, remember Jason that worked at Blockbuster? He was so checking me out and did a head nod thing to me. Which, it had to be the eyeliner, because it was still on from the night before, and I was wearing track shorts and a holey tshirt.

Alex, Jason is this guy that was and still this the most flamboyant guy Bren and I have ever met. But he is a major prick to about 99% of the customers that come in, unless you are a hot guy...

Shopping anywhere sound great to me! Oh, here comes Ryan!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:42:32
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

LOL, except half of us have already had the pleasure of a naked Ry, almost all three of us now with what went down between Spence and Ry that night here in LA, so really by saying no you're not keeping much to yourself. ;)

Sugar makes you crazy Bren, haven't we established this a long time ago?

Ah, so a hot guy checked you out? Or is he not really hot just flamboyant? Cuz if the boy is hot then you should totally get him to trail after you, its such a fun power trip! Go back dressed to kill and get him falling all over himself for you, you'll love it!

Pete, Hemmy, Patrick and Lil Lex all say hi, well, Hemmy and Lil Lex say 'bark' but I figure that means hi.
:)

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:52:46
From: Brendon Urie <bdenurie@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, drummin4life@gmail.com

oooooh.....right :( he's still my boyfriend -crosses arms over chest- haha

i know...it does make me crazy, but so does ry...you drive me crazy, i just can sleep...wow that was so long ago. ry...remember that...i sang to you that night. oh! the night i joined the band and you became the mananger and alex became the producer and wow! that was like three months ago and so completely awesoem and life changing!

and awwwwww puppies! i say hi to them too. and a head nod to pete and a very very very very very shy smile to patrick...cause his voice is like WHOA OMG! EVERYTHING I EVER WANT TO SEE LIKE!

shit....i have to go....like soooooon
ry, babe, i love you and i was hoping to hear from you before i left. stay up and i'll call you on the way back, ok?

peace out sexy bitches!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:55:21
From: Lex <lexsex@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, ryro@yahoo.com

Wow, Bren on sugar is not a good thing at all!

So I guess we're dispersing...Spence, take care of our Ry for us. Treat him like you would a little kitten. Ry, love you and I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you.

I can't wait for you guys to get out here. I'm not sure how we're all going to sleep, Ry still gets my bed for sure with that cast. Maybe I'll borrow one of the beds of the other guys to put into his room on the floor or something.

Spence, I found something for us to do when you're here to give the love birds some time to themselves in the apartment or to go out. Not sure you'll be up for it, but we'll see when you get here.

Ry, can you say something to me before we fizzle out for the night? Please?
Lex

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 03:59:06
From: Spencer <drummin4life@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: lexsex@yahoo.com, ryro@yahoo.com, bdenurie@hotmail.com

Cool, it all sounds great. Sorry so short. Ry is off the phone so I'm giving his comp back. Can't wait Alex, and Bren, be careful, and don't fall asleep during the recital. And Alex, the video guys is NO WHERE near as hot as any of us 4!

Later guys!

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Date: Tues, 16 Aug 04:03:51
From: Ryan Ross <ryro@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE:Apartments/condos (with pics!)
To: bdenurie@hotmail.com, drummin4life@gmail.com, lexsex@yahoo.com

I'm okay you guys, I promise. Spence is gonna take care of me, although I dunno about treating me like a kitten or anything. I miss you Lex and can't wait to get back to LA to see you. Tell Pete and Patrick I said hi and give Lil Lex a nuzzle for me, and Hemmy too.

I'll read all the emails later, I just don't have it in me right now, sorry. Love you guys. I'm gonna curl up on my bed or something and dream of the day this fucking cast gets off my leg. I'm feeling emo and shit right now, I don't like it but...eh

At least Spence is here. Bleh, I'm sorry to ruin the fun though.
Love you
Ry

~< ~ > ~ < ~ > ~ < ~ > ~

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 18:52:19 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (49/60)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: PG
Summary: Can I get a WARPED tour?
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

I think everyone had the same idea, we all seemed to be ready to go at Spencer's by 10:30, which in turn, Ryan was right. But, I guessed everyone else was right too, in getting there early that was. So now, it's not quite 11:15, and we are already pulling into the gates, showing them our parking pass we printed off the net and a couple of backstage passes. There was a huge buzz in the van. Excitement was flowing through our veins as we pulled up next to a few buses.

I smiled, waving and hopping out of the front seat, walking over to shake hands with another band we had played beside before, well, ok, not we, but before I was in the band. They mentioned playing the Hot Topic Stage at 1:20, so I told them we would be there checking them out, since that was my plan. I knew everyone else was going to be walking around, but I wanted to just hang by the stage we were playing on for a while to get a feel of the atmosphere, adjust to the heat, and really, see what our competition was like in the local bands.

Walking back over to the van, I told the guys about The Traffic, the other band, and helped them remove our equipment so that we could take it over to where it needed to be. Once all the stuff was out, Spencer made sure it was ok to park the van where it was, then we walked through the back of the venue, asking people along the way who were wearing event staff clothes where to go. I was already sweating as I stopped for a moment, looking over at Ryan on his crutches. I took a deep breath and smiled at him, mouthing 'I love you' then continued to walk, so we could drop this stuff where it was safe, then rest.

I had known I was going to be hot, sweaty, and downright disgusting by the end of the night, but I figured that was what showers were for, or, in my case, baths. I also knew that somewhere on the Warped grounds was the parents tent, and I figured they might take pity on someone on crutches and let me relax in there for a little while, after all, that tent had air conditioning and it would be more than welcome with the extra weight, bulk and warmth from having the cast on.

I smiled at Brendon as I took a few moments to rest before following the rest of them, although a little ways back. I knew I couldn't help with carrying anything, but still, I felt bad. They were all sweating and carrying, even Alex, and I was just hobbling along on my crutches. Yeah, I was grateful the guys wouldn't bitch at me for it, but I couldn't help still feeling guilty for it. I wanted to help the guys in their first Warped.

The guys were all in high spirits, all of us were, even Alex and I although we weren't actually in the band, but, being part of the group all the same let us be just as excited. I was excited that we had all access and we got in for free. I was also excited at the prospect of getting to watch any and all bands we wanted from behind the scenes rather than in the pit, even though I loved being in the pit usually, having the cast would pretty much prevent that. All in all I thought it all worked out quite well, and of course, the guys would get to perform in front of a lot more people than normal, which would be good for their popularity and their chance to get a real record deal, even if Pete was going to keep an eye on them in hopes to sign them himself when it was time.

Alex came back for me after he dropped off what he'd been carrying. "Would you like me to carry you, Ry? I could if you want."

Smiling, I shook my head. "I can do it myself...just...where am I going? I feel so slow."

We finally made it to the tent, and I turned around looking back for Ryan. Alex was with him in the distance, I felt bad for leaving him alone, but I knew that he could take care of himself. I didn't mean to sound selfish at all, but that was how it had been coming out all day. After last night and getting ready this morning, I had been so busy and preoccupied, I didn't have much time for Ryan. I knew I could make up for it later, but that didn't help at the moment.

There was a designated spot in the tent next to the stage for equipment. We were told we could set it there until we went on, but that it had to be removed right after. We piled it all up the best we could then stood there smiling at each other. Each of the guys announced what they where doing and where they would be going as I looked back to Alex and Ryan, seeing them make their way towards us. I pulled out my phone, texting Matt quickly, telling him we were here, then called my parents to do the same, explaining to them the easiest gate to get into then where the tent was located.

Sighing once I got off the phone with them, I made small talk with another band from Texas, and told them a little bit about our band, looking up and smiling as Spencer had joined Ryan and Alex to make the way under the tent. Jumping on my feet a little to get my blood flowing, I shook my head back and forth, wiggling my brows at Ryan, "James is going to the band list and calling to let us know who is playing when, so, I'll put it on speaker phone, and we can write down who we wanna see, will that work for you?" I asked Ryan, "I mean, so you can rest a little before you trek it back out there again."

I looked up when I heard Brendon's voice and nodded with a smile. Alex led me over to crate and gave me a gentle shove to sit down, I did, gratefully, already feeling like I had rivers running down my back from the trek from the van. I sighed and looked over at Brendon. "Okay, that works...I don't think I'll make it everywhere and to all the bands I want to see...but...well...I'll at least see some...so whatever they can tell us, I'd very much appreciate it."

Alex produced a bottle of water from nowhere and handed it with me. I shook my head and smiled. "I'm going to get babied all day, aren't I? Are you going to be buying me food when you think I need to eat and everything?" I chuckled softly as Alex nodded. I looked over at Spence and pouted a little. "Are you going to let him baby me all day? Can't you figure out anything else for him to do occasionally so he doesn't smother me?"

I took a drink of the water, even though I was bitching a little about everything, I still appreciated the water. "Mmmm...thanks. So, once I know what bands are when and who I'm going to go to see, I'll probably see if I can crash in the parent tent for a little while throughout the day. I'm sure they won't mind a poor kid on crutches with a fucking huge cast on his leg. I'm gonna need to walk through the merch tents though. I want to see if Clan has a tent here because I wanna buy something new of theirs..."

Alex chuckled and ruffled my hair. "You can walk the tents for a little Ry, but you’re not going off alone and I'm not letting you overdo it. I know you wanna have fun, and you can and will, but you're a tiny thing who'll overheat if you do too much. So, I'm gonna make sure you don't overdo it. And I'm sure the rest of the guys will support me in that." He looked around at whoever was left of the guys for their support.

I smiled, walking over to him. Swigging a drink of cold water, I pressed my still wet lips against his temple, not wanting to touch him and make myself even hotter and stickier, "Of course we will support you on that," I spoke to Alex, but winked at Ryan, "And, oh, what about those dudes that drive around on a golf cart, that would be sweet, we could borrow one of them!"

Spencer shrugged, "Or steal one," he smirked at me, looking over to Ryan, "After we play of course!"

Laughing, I shook my head, "That would be sweet, oh and get our hands on some Walkie Talkies!" Spencer nodded in agreement, clapping loudly. Shaking my head, yet again, I let out a long breath, stretching and bobbing my head to the band that was on stage. They didn't sound too bad. A little too punk for me, but hey, we were at the Warped Tour.

I walked back over to Ryan and sat down next to him, "I'll be cool as long as I see MXPX and Evaline, other than that, I am good to go."

"What if they play before us or during us?" Spencer asked, taking a drink of my water.

"Sorry Dudes," I tried to act serious, "But, I am so skipping the set for MXPX, you could sing for me, right Ryan?" I turned to give him a pout and puppy dog eye. We all knew that I would never skip out of singing for another band, but in turn, well it was MXPX. And they were right up there in my book. I just hoped and prayed that they went on after us, so my plan wasn't ruined. Sighing for what seemed like the millionth time to calm my nerves, I grinned at Ryan, "So, you hanging out with the old folks huh? Wouldn't it be more exciting if you found someone headlining and just hung out on their bus?" I joked.

"Oooh! Hm, who is here that I can creep in on? Fall Out Boy isn't, so I can't find Pete and mooch off them...or My Chem...I'm sure there’s one of the bands we worked with around here." I looked over at Alex and he nodded. "I'm not sure if there’s anyone big enough to have a full bus though...I might have to look at the schedule and see...although..."

Trailing off I looked over at Brendon and grinned. "Cute is here...I'm sure they have a bus...I could go find Shaant and see if they'd let me crash whenever I want. Although, they'd have to actually give me the key for that and I doubt they'd do that, but maybe I'll have to see if they'll let me anyway, who knows, its possible." I shrugged and smiled up at Brendon. "I'm sure you'd want to go if I crashed there, wouldn't you?"

I gave him a wink as Alex grabbed my water and took a drink of his own before handing it back. "I love how Spence didn't side with you, Ry." He smirked at me and I just shook my head.

"Its okay, Lex. I'll just call Spence to come and give you a tumble in the van when I'm sick and tired of you annoying game all day, I'm not worried about that in the slightest. I can get rid of you whenever I want to." I winked and took another sip of my water. "Oh, and no, Bren, I can't and won't sing for you, and, if you don't make your set, I quit as your manager and I'll pull all my support." I gave Bren a 'matter of fact' facial expression so that he would take me seriously before I moved to get up. "Is he calling soon with the listing so I can figure out where to go and who to see?" I stretched a little and looked around to see people everywhere and music in the background. It was so time to wander.

I shrugged at Ryan about them calling with the band lists, I wasn't too worried about it, even though I knew the rest of them cared and actually wanted to see other bands. I laughed, thinking about Ryan hanging out in the Cute bus, I knew it was very far fetched, and really I was joking.

Something shot inside me as I heard the name Pete. I was over the whole situation, but that didn't drop the fact that I did not like the guy, he just rubbed me the wrong way. And very little people did that to me. Ryan made up for it though with his jokes, and just his smile made me forget about it. It was amazing and very wonderful how a curve of the lips jolted through my body like it did.

I glanced up in time to a thick mass of black hair coming my way, pushing through a small crowd of girls with matching t-shirts. I smiled as he stopped, gave the girls a weird look then made his way to us, another tall guy with blonde hair that looked vaguely familiar following him.

"So, you guys excited or what?" Matt chapped, looking to me and Spencer then saying hello to Ryan and winking at Alex, then knowingly back at Spencer, "Nice to see you gents again, oh," he reached into his pocket, "I knew you'd be a lazy ass, so I copied down the bands and times for you to take a look at, anyone else want to see them?"

"Oh! I do!" I tried to get up to move toward Matt to get the paper but Alex just kinda gave me this look and I knew that if I actually got up he'd really hurt me. He turned to Matt to get it himself first. I pouted a little and glared at Alex before looking back at Matt. "Thanks for doing that, Matt. One of the guys went off to get the times and stages for us and all, but it seems he got lost between here, the board, and his phone. So thanks."

Alex nodded and handed the paper to me. "Well, I think we can work out most of those bands you wanted to see. Some might be some tight fits, but with being able to go backstage it should work out I think. Unless you want to forgo any of them?"

Shrugging, I looked down at the paper and scanned the names and times. Alex was right, it looked like none of those I wanted to see conflicted with any others so it would be pretty easy to get to all of them, as long as we could travel between most stages by going backstage. And there would be more than enough time around the guys' set for us to get back from wherever we were and do what we could to help them set up, or rather, Alex could do what he could to help set up and I could just encourage them as they went.

My eyes slid over to the guy who was with Matt and I raised an eyebrow. "Um...are you gonna introduce us to your friend Matt? Or do we need to guess at who he is?" I smiled as I reached into the bag that Alex had put next to me and quickly wrote down the bands, stages, and times of all those I intended to see, using as many abbreviations as possible, before reaching out to hand the list to anyone who wanted it and returning my attention to Matt, who I hadn't seen since that first time Brendon had visited me in LA. It was almost strange to see him again.

Matt chuckled at Ryan and Alex, "Are you sure you two are not fucking?" he asked Ryan, then looked over to Alex. I gave him a face to tell him to shut the fuck up, but he just defended himself, "What? Shit..." then shook his head.

"No," I answered for the other guys, "They are not fucking," my eyes were shooting daggers into Matt as I tried to say something spiteful back. Normally, he really wasn't an asshole, he just called them like he saw them, and I hated the fact that he 'saw' Alex and Ryan as being together, "What about you? Where's your little lap dog Sonny?"

Matt simply shrugged, not taking any offense of it since he seemed to have a much taller guy at his beckon call, "Eh, went back to Florida or something, but this is Derek," he smiled, introducing him to the rest of the crowd, even people who weren't with us. I shook my head, then it clicked, he worked at the Asian place in the food court, he was the only one there who spoke English.

"So, keepin' it in the food court, I see," I shook my head at Matt as Derek walked to the front of the stage to watch the band, Matt just smiled. Turning back to Ryan, I peered at his list of bands, "Who you wanting to see?" I asked, "Is MXPX on that lineup?"

I looked at Matt and tilted my head slightly. "Everyone seems to think me and Alex are fucking...I mean...okay, so we did and all, but we're best friends....What exactly makes you think that we are?" I looked over at Alex. "Apparently we're doing something wrong if everyone keeps thinking we're together rather than just being best friends...although...as far as friends go, we are pretty abnormal..." I shrugged slightly and looked at Brendon before handing him my list.

"That’s pretty much my schedule for the day provided I can keep going and keep to it. We'll see though. I may pass out halfway through the morning though and just come back here and crash. We'll have to see how it goes. Did you guys bring a cooler of food and drinks so we don't have to buy everything? I forgot to see if you did...or to contribute to it."

Alex plopped himself down on the ground beside me and stretched out, looking up at Matt. "So...Matt...how're things? Been a bit of a while. I was almost surprised to not see you show up in LA with these two after the accident. Been keeping yourself busy with another new boy then?" He looked over at Derek before at Matt. "Did the other kid like the t-shirt you bought him?"

I chuckled to myself, Alex was such an ass sometimes, but I loved it. I reached over and ruffled his hair a little before finishing off my bottle of water and relaxing. The first band I wanted to see wasn't going on for a little while yet, so we had time to socialize a little before plodding our slow way over to the stage to see the band. I was looking forward to it for sure, but not the slow plodding to get there in the heat. It was probably not a good idea to go through those mist areas either, I wasn't sure what would happen to the cast if it got wet like that.

Sitting, I watched Ryan and Alex, that looked fabulous. Following Alex's lead, I sat on my legs next to Ryan, resting my head on his chair, staring up at Matt, waiting for him to answer, "Well, someone had to cover Bren's shift when he just drove out there," Matt wiggled his eyes at me, then over to Derek, in which he smiled then did the motions of a blowjob, pointing towards the food and bathroom area of the open venue. I simply shook my head, "Yea, I've been taking care of him," he tapped his lips, running his hands down to his crotch giving it a tight squeeze, "Or should I say he's been taking care of me!"

With a grin, he winked and excused himself, stating he would be back before our set, telling me to give him a call if no one wanted to check out MXPX with me.

I sighed, "Yea, I'm not even going to apologize for that," Spencer answered his phone, telling us it was James, then walked away talking to him, "Yea, we brought food, but we had to keep it in the van, we aren't allowed to bring it from the backstage area, so I can go sneak in some stuff if you guys want some," I offered, smiling.

Looking up at Ryan, I took his hand closest to mine and squeezed it, bringing it to my mouth for a kiss, "Don't worry about Matt, he's just an ass at times, he didn't mean anything by it, really...so, don't like, let him upset you, he'll get wasted and forget he even said it in about 20 minutes."

I laughed softly and shook my head, shrugging slightly. "It didn't upset me. It’s just...I'm not really sure how to be different with Alex, like, different in a way to get people to stop thinking we're sleeping together. I mean...we used to...but it’s been a while now and...apparently we still come off like we are..." I looked down at Bren. "Do you think that we come off that we are?"

I glanced over at Spence walking away before down to Alex and I had to wonder what Spence thought of that and why they weren't being all lovey and wanting to go off together. I also couldn't help but wonder what Spence thought about Alex deciding to spend the day with me. I can’t really go and do it all on my own, I could try, but I didn't think it would end well. Of course, I'd love Spence to join us too, but I didn't know if that’s what he wanted.

Sometimes I really cared about everyone else far too much.

"Sorry, I'll stop now." I looked down at Brendon and gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand gently. "I'm getting lost in my head again. I'll try to stop, I promise." I yawned a little before blushing slightly and shrugging. "As far as food...I'm not hungry right now, but maybe in a little bit we can get some food or something, but my main concern is water and keeping hydrated. So I didn't know if you had a cooler with water in it around here."

We sat there while Spencer was on the phone, Alex, Spencer and Ryan all decided that they wanted to see the same band in about a half an hour on the other side of the lot. By the time the other's got back, they all agreed to go check out the lineup on the Lucky 13 stage. I decided to hang back, watch our stuff and sit it out until MXPX was on, and by that time, someone had to be ready for a rest.

The time seemed to fly as other bands came with their equipment and I made small talk. Exchanging Myspaces and phone numbers with a band that 'looked' like we could hang with, I listened to the music, stayed out of the way, and just enjoyed the hustle and bustle of being backstage at a show. I missed it. Deep down, I really wished we could have played a set at the Battle of the Bands, but I knew that Ryan was way more important. For all I knew this band could fizzle out next week, but I was 100% sure that I didn't want that to happen with Ryan.

Spencer made his way from watching a few bands, and collapsed beside me, "What time is MX on?" he asked, taking a huge gulp of a water bottle.

Pulling out my phone, I checked the time, "In about twenty minutes, you going with me or are you gonna man our stuff?" I flipped open the phone, texting Matt to see if he wanted to meet there and be front row.

Alex and I went from stage to stage to see the bands that we wanted to see, trying to keep out of the sun as much as we could to keep me from being dehydrated and overdone. We made every band on our list that we wanted to see and I realized that Bren was going to be wanting to head off and see MXPX soon. I wouldn't mind seeing them, but I was beyond exhausted.

Alex met Shaun, one of the guys from Lansdowne, a Boston band he'd worked with since I'd gone in the hospital, and we were invited backstage to hang out in their bus for a little while. They promised air conditioning, and as much as I wanted to go and watch a set with Brendon, I was exhausted and I needed to cool off, so we accepted and followed him to their bus, which certainly wasn't anything flashy. They were a small band on the label, just starting out, and were actually going on stage just after Brendon and the guys, I was introduced to the guys who were hanging out around the bus before we all ventured inside. They gave me my own space because of my leg, and I was grateful.

We all hung out and talked, and I ended up falling asleep. By the time Alex woke me up we'd missed a couple bands from my list and it was approaching time for us to be back for the guys to go on. They had apparently ordered pizza while I was asleep and there was a piece of cheese pizza left in the box that they apparently had left for me. I gratefully ate it, even though it wasn't warm, and accepted a bottle of water from Shaun who turned out to be the guitarist.

The group of us made our way off the bus, Alex and I refreshed from being out in the sun all day, and headed back in to find Brendon and the guys and help them get ready for their set. I wasn't feeling so exhausted, actually, I was feeling very rested after my nap. It was as if I was embarking on the Warped Tour again with new eyes.

"MXPX was fucking AWESOME!" I jumped around as the band had joined back, every once and a while checking the surroundings to see if there were any signs of Ryan. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I pulled out my phone while helping Steve roll up a cord and texted miss u babe hope ur takin care of urself. love u then slid it back into my pocket.

Spencer shook his head, "CORRECTION!" he gave me a fatherly look, "MXPX IS awesome!"

I nodded in approval, "Indeed, they are, they are, we should check out the backstage situation and see if we can find them, shit, I would love to shake all of their hands," I grinned, picking up some more wire and handing them to the respective member of the band, "I think then, I could die a happy man!" I smiled again, taking a drink of my water as the set before us finished playing, giving them a few minutes to unload the stage, and us the same amount to get everything situated.

It was getting hotter by the minute, but like I said, seeing MXPX, there was nothing in the world that could stop me right now. So far, besides the people playing the Hot Topic stage, and some of the bands playing at the amphitheater to the side were all I saw so far, I was keeping myself ready and prepped for our set. Let's just hope it pays off. I watched as a small crowd left once the band completed, and a new one was forming, nodding and greeting some of the people I knew, I set up the keyboard and made sure my mic was sound, as I stared off again, looking for Ryan.

Jon, the vocalist of Lansdowne, walked beside me as we made our way across the grounds toward the Hot Topic stage. I'd decided, somewhere between meeting them and waking up on their bus that Jon and Shaun were the best guys of the band, not that Tom and Glenn weren't nice or anything, but for some reason Jon and Shaun just seemed nicer, or maybe it was just that I thought they were cute. Jon was being attentive enough and I was honestly surprised that he didn't just scoop me up and carry me because of the slow pace I had set. He did have the body built for it after all.

"So...this band you're dragging us to see..." He trailed off and grinned at me. "You're like working with them?"

I nodded and glanced over at him as we made our way past a bunch of people and I knew we were getting close. "Yeah, they've made me their manager and Lex their producer. They're guys from here and all, close friends of ours, and the experience the internship was giving us we were hoping would be able to help them out too."

"That’s really cool, I wish we'd had that when we started out. But still, we're having fun as we make our way through this business. It rather sucks at times, but we're wicked excited about it all the same."

I laughed and gave him a strange look. "Wicked excited?"

He grinned and blushed before shrugging. Behind us I could hear Shaun laughing as he came up and threw his arm around my shoulders. "Its a Boston...New England thing...it means really excited. Just like saying something is 'wicked cool' is our way of saying really cool. Trust me, just go with it."

I laughed a little and nodded. "Do you not pronounce your 'r's either?"

Shaun grinned even bigger. "Nah...we paak the caa in Haavaad yaad."

There will still no signs of Ryan as we stood on the stage, receiving catcalls from the girls who regularly made it to our shows. As we adjusted our instruments, checked with the sound stage and made minor changes in tuning the guitars, I assisted Spencer in getting his drums right, still looking for Ryan.

"They'll be here, don't worry, they wouldn't miss this," I smiled at Spencer, he must have read my thoughts, knowing that I all but needed Ryan here for me to play. We had worked on two new songs since he was gone, one for the battle of the bands, and then a new one for the warped. I had written most of it when I was thinking about Ryan, or missing him, so the lyrics kind of went to him. Well, since they were about him, only tweaked to flow better.

James patted me on the back announcing 5 more minutes, looking at his watch, then strummed his bass, "Where's your better half?" he asked jokingly, "How bad would it be if the damn manager didn't even make it to the show?" I shrugged, still staring into the distance as I played 'Mary had a little Lamb' on the keyboard to make sure the sound was the quality I wanted. I signaled to the sound tech to turn up the keys and coughed and whistled into the mic, using a thumbs down for him to take care of that.

Then, finally, I saw Ryan, with Alex and some adorable looking guys. The grin appeared on my face, and I couldn't help but notice two girls in front of the stage turning to see who I was smiling at. All I knew was I needed a good luck kiss before I performed. And I would do anything to get it.

I busted up laughing. I'd never heard anyone actually drop their 'r's like that before, even if they were doing it somewhat deliberately they were still from Boston, it was natural. The only other times I'd heard it was on TV, and that was just people mocking those who live in and around Boston. It was one of the best things to hear and I couldn't help but grin, until I looked up and realized that Bren was on stage and they were about to start.

"Shit, we're late." I turned around and glared, although not really madly, at Alex. "Thanks for letting me sleep so long asshole!"

Alex pouted at me a little and walked up behind me, resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around me. "You just looked so precious there sleeping. Besides, you were exhausted, I wasn't about to wake you. And see? They may be on stage, but they haven't started yet, we still have five minutes before their set starts. We'll be there no worries, okay?"

I sighed a little and leaned back against Alex just slightly. How could I avoid it when it felt good to feel arms around me and to take some of the support off my leg and shoulders. "Yeah, okay...but still, I wanted to be back here before they even started setting up. And now...we didn't get to help!"

"Much help you'd be, Ryan. No offense or anything, but you can't help set up a stage on crutches." Shaun gave me an innocent grin. "Moral support maybe, but not real help, cos honestly, it isn't like you can carry much of anything when you can't move without crutches."

"Oh sure, beat up on the invalid, thanks Shaun!" Jon laughed and gave Shaun a playful shove and I felt Alex kiss my cheek.

"Okay Ry, we're close, but not close enough, and with the snail's pace you set, we won't get there before they start, so...Jon, would you mind carrying his crutches?" Alex took them from me and handed them to Jon before swooping me up, before I could stop him, and carried me the rest of the way to the stage, the Lansdowne boys in tow.

The grin never left my face as I watched, ok stared at and watched Ryan and company making their way over. I hopped up once I saw Alex carrying him, then walked off the stage to the back, where we were hidden by a tarp. I heard Spencer yell, "Two minutes," to me as I motioned Alex to walk over to me. He followed my instructions, still holding Ryan as I smiled at him.

"Well, don't you have the life?" I winked, then patted Alex on the shoulder, "I couldn't take stage until I got my good luck kiss," wiggling my brows at him, "I forgot to tell you guys, we have two new songs that we've written since the studio, so we're gonna try them on for size, hope you enjoy!"

I ran my hand up Ryan's side that wasn't pressed into to Alex for support then leaned in to kiss him on the lips. It was a small innocent kiss, that if anyone were to see us, I could have been simply whispering in his ear, "Wish me luck!" I winked, pecking his lips again, "And I would say break a leg, but Lord knows we don't need two gimps in a relationship!" I grinned, not giving him a chance to say anything else as I skipped back up on the stage, taking my mic and sitting at the keyboard. Normally I didn't play the keys, but since I wrote the music to it, I was the only one who had time to actually learn it.

I looked out to the crowd and started clapping and chanting, Get. A. Grip. "COME ON!" I yelled into the mic as I smiled over at Matt and Derek in the crowd, "Louder, we need those at the Lucky Stage to hear it," I pointed, most likely in the wrong direction since I hadn't even been to the stage yet. Clapping as the cheers got a little louder, I pounded on the keys to start the first song, "We're Get a Grip from Vegas, and we wanna see you dance!"

I laughed to myself as Alex carried me over to the side stage area and plopped me down on a chair that would have seemed to have been conveniently placed right there for me. Alex stood beside me and the guys from Lansdowne ranged around us as the guys started into their set. It was so good to see them on stage once again, I'd missed seeing them perform.

Shaun leaned down and murmured in my ear. "So...you and the lead singer? Something going on there besides just...manager and band member?"

I blushed slightly and glanced over at him out of the corner of my eye before shrugging just slightly. "Oh, maybe there is something going on...you know, seeing as how we've been dating all summer."

His eye brows shot up and he grinned. "So that’s what you meant when you said you were close friends? And here I thought you just meant...close friends. I wasn't imagining the whole type of friends that involved making out in public...sex in private?"

I laughed softly and grinned at him. "Yeah, well, wasn't it obvious that I'm gay?"

Shaun nodded, pulling up a crate to sit beside me and watch. "Oh, I could tell. But you and Alex...well...I guess I just kinda figured you were his and you were both spoken for to each other."

"Oh...well...Lex and I used to be together, sorta. But we're just best friends, always have been, always will be. But no, I guess you could say Bren has me spoken for...and Lex...well...I think he'd have to explain what his relationship is with the drummer up there..." I smirked a little. "They've got something going on, but I'm not 100% sure what. Why, you interested?"

Shaun grinned. "Oh...maybe...maybe not...either way, your boys aren't bad."

The crowd was on fire and into it. It felt awesome to have some fans ~~stalkers~~ know the words to our songs. I was sure that Myspace helped, because we had our entire set list on there for people to listen to and get acquainted with. Hell, James posted bulletins twice a day once we found out we were playing Warped telling people to learn the songs, and three songs in, so far so good.

I walked around the stage after the third song, sighing into the mic, "Is it just me, or is it hotter than love out here?" I shook my head, sweat flying off me as I took a gulp of my water, "And speaking of love, how many of you our there have a little bit of summer love going on?" a few people cheered, one girl screamed, 'yea, with you!' I shook my head, blushing slightly.

"Well, this is a new song we wrote this summer about love, so here we go!" I tapped my foot, swaying my hips to the beat, singing the verse. Running over to the keys, I pressed my hands into them as I made eye contact with Ryan, sitting down on the chair as I belted at the chorus, Oh, I swear, I know, I believe it, Oh, I can't stop hearing all the singing, Oh, my soul has never had this feeling, and it feels like so, so shaking more sweat off my head, I continued, my eyes still burning into Ryan, So much love in you, You got so much love in you, I'm amazed that I'm talkin' to you, You look like the songs that I've heard my whole life coming true!

I jumped up, dancing around, loving the energy that was flowing though me, then smiled out to the crowd, asking them to repeat, "You've got so much love in you," as I sang back to them, giving Matt a high five as he bobbed his head.

Smiling, I blushed a little and nodded in response to Shaun, keeping my attention trained on Brendon on stage. He was more then just 'not bad' in my opinion, then again I was rather biased. But I had to admit to myself that he was very on and you could feel the energy flowing off that stage in a way I wasn't sure I'd ever seen them have before. I was proud of the boys and let my eyes stray, for merely a moment, over to the other members of the band, pausing mostly on Spencer before returning my gaze back to my boyfriend.

I was right, these boys had something that would take them somewhere. It was almost sad that they wanted to put off what they could have for college, but at the same time I wasn't about to be a manager that promotes leaving college to work on the band, even if they could achieve fame and fortune. There was always the 'what if' and if they were prepared for the 'what if the band ends' then it would serve them far better in the end. Fame and fortune could wait on a degree and ultimately I was glad that the guys seemed to agree.

Alex placed his hand on my shoulder when Brendon started their new song and I couldn't help but blush and duck my head, grinning to myself before making eye contact with Brendon again. The songs he came up with, the words he used, sometimes I was amazed at the lyrics because they often seemed to be nothing like who he was in real life.

"So I take it this song is definitely for you then?"

I looked over at Shaun and nodded my head before looking back at Brendon again. "Mhmm. I'd say so...Unless he has a boyfriend on the side he never told me about, but I find that highly unlikely."

"I like it. Strong. Emotional. Definitely a song that would stir some waters and draw some attention. What label are they on?"

I shook my head a little and smiled to myself. "None yet. They aren't ready and don't really want to yet. But that doesn't mean they haven't been noticed. I think when they're ready to court labels they'll find them quickly. I know of one that would pick them up pretty fast too. So we'll see what happens I guess. But yeah...I like it too." Alex squeezed my shoulder gently from above and I tilted my head back to smile at him as I put my hand over his.

We moved into our last song, "Too Good To Be" which was always a crowd pleaser in my eyes, I looked back and smiled at Spencer who just shook his head and winked at me, his arms flexing as he pounded into the drums. Next time I glanced up at him, he was looking over at Alex smiling. I couldn't help but do the same, "I know you all know this song," I shouted as I held out the mic stand, letting some of the girls sing the chorus.

My tongue almost caught in my throat when I saw two of the guys from Evaline inch up to the crowd, heads bobbing to the music, it was so surreal, I continued singing as I made eye contact with one of them and nodded as he smiled and walked away. I knew he was just passing by, but the fact that he stopped made my heart skip a beat as we finished the song and our set seeing my parents who were beaming in the back of the crowd. Shit, I hoped I didn't say anything too offensive...

Bowing to the crowd for not even fifteen seconds, we started taking down our equipment. I picked up the mic before the sound was off and said, "Oh, we have business cards and what not for information on merch and our demo, so check it out!" I grinned then wrapped up the cord, unplugging it and helping the other's remove there stuff from the stage.

Once we had everything off, we took a few minutes to pack it in the boxes, "We should prolly stick around here for a few, and talk to people who want info, then we can take our shit to the van and enjoy the rest of the day," Spencer announced, all of us agreeing as we walked over to the table, James bringing some cards to pass out, "And here, let's all take some after we load up, and pass them out to people we meet."

Again we all nodded as I looked up to see my parents make their way towards us and Ryan. Smiling at them, I walked over and wrapped my arms around Ryan, kissing his neck then stood up, "So, what'd you think?" I asked Ryan, Alex, my parents and the guys they brought with them with a huge grin.

"You guys were great today. I think the best performance I've seen yet." I grinned up at Bren before looking around for what Jon had done with my crutches. I didn't see them anywhere which made me think he and Alex had a conspiracy to make sure I stayed seated after everything we'd done before. "Really, Bren, you guys did a great job. I'm so proud of you!" I laughed softly and reached up to squeeze his hand.

Alex nodded and put his hand on Brendon's shoulder. "Yeah, you guys did an amazing job, really. I don't think I've seen a better performance out of you guys yet. Good job. You guys got the crowd into it for sure. Pete'll be sad he missed this one."

I nodded and looked up at Brendon. "Lex is right, he should have been here for this. I think he would have been impressed."

Shaun looked at Brendon and shrugged. "I don't know who this Pete is...but, the guys are right in so far as I can see it. You put on a good set and got the crowd into it really well." He glanced over his shoulder at the guys were starting to set up. "Shit, I gotta run before I get yelled at for not helping to set up. Are you guys going to stick around for ours?"

I looked up at Alex before over to Shaun. "I think I'd like to since I haven't heard you guys yet. So go ahead and set up, I don't think I'm going anywhere since Jon seems to have hidden my crutches."

"Sneaky bastard, I'll make sure he gives them back to you after our set." He started to step away before turning back and walking backwards, looking at Brendon. "We'll talk after our set then. I hope you stick around too." He then waived and grabbed what looked like his guitar case and amp and headed off to set up on the stage.

Looking up at Brendon, I smiled. "That was Shaun. He's the guitarist of Lansdowne from Boston. Lex likes them so I kinda want to watch them. Is that okay?"

"Oh hell yea!" i smiled down at Ryan, then glanced over my shoulder to see that the guys had the few people checking out our info under control, "I didn't know you knew someone playing after us," I nodded to Alex, "That's sweet, from Boston you say, maybe we could work something out to get some dates out there on like Christmas break or something, and the same for them from us," I shrugged, looking over to my parents and yawned a little.

My mom tilted her head at me, "Had I known this was a way for you to get out some of that energy, I would have let you play the piano all the time at home," she laughed, walking up to me and give me a hug. Then, as any mother would do, she patted my hair and tucked it out of my eyes, with help from the sweat.

"Thanks Mom, so that means you liked it?" I asked, glancing from her to Dad.

"Of course Son, I wasn't aware that you guys played so well, I thought it was just something you guys did for fun."

"So..." I started, "Does that mean I can quit work and school and do this full time?" I tried.

He looked at me, crossing his arms over his chest, making him look about two foot taller than me, "What do you think?"

"Um," I made a face to Ryan, "I think I'll see you at work tomorrow morning," I laughed, shaking my father's offered hand.

"We're going to go get out of the heat, and take the day off to go look at some antique furniture on this side of town," Mom started, "And you guys really did do an excellent job, none of that screaming mayhem we heard on the way in," she smiled, giving me one more hug before doing the same to Ryan, wishing him to get better and to come over for dinner soon to visit.

I thanked his mom before she left and looked up at Brendon with a pout. "I wish I could just go over tomorrow for dinner, but I think mom would have a problem with it though."

Alex looked up at the stage as the guys were setting up. "They're on a label, but they're still pretty small so that they might welcome that offer. As for knowing the guys...well, I met them the other week down in LA. They weren't doing the whole tour, so they took some time to do a few things in LA and I got to work with them. A bunch of great guys. Shaun, who you met, is the guitarist and is one of the sweetest guys out there. Jon, the guy...um, there, well built...that’s Jon their singer. He's a great guy and a lot of fun. Um...the tall blondish guy is Tom their bassist and the other, dark haired guy is Glenn, their drummer."

I nodded and yawned a little before finding a water bottle tossed in my lap by Jon who winked and returned to the stage setup and prep. I opened the bottle and took a good long drink before offering it to Alex.

"We ran into Shaun earlier and got invited onto their bus to relax. Sorry we were so late getting back here, but princess fell asleep and I felt far too kind to wake him up. He exhausted himself wandering around most of the morning and afternoon. He needed the air conditioning and the sleep. The guys also ordered pizza and we got to each have a little too, they were really nice to us. So...I pretty much spent about an hour or so with them while Ry slept. Our little Sleeping Beauty."

I swatted at Alex's hand. "Hey, you should have woken me up, you know that!"

I laughed at the two of them, "Boys, boys," I joked, "Is this any way for the manager and producer of a band to act?" I held my hand on my hip and smirked at them, "It's ok, if we would have had any more people on stage, it would have been too crowded, and as long as you made the set, that's all that mattered to us," I smiled at them, pulling at my shirt to get some more air in there.

"We did do good didn't we? And did you see the guys from Evaline checking us out? Shit, I about pissed my pants!" laughing, I watched Spencer make his way over to us, placing a hand on Alex's back and smiling at him. I bit my lip and grinned at Ryan, "I was just telling them how awesome we are, but they already knew that of course!"

"Of course," Spencer rolled his eyes, pointing to the stage, "You know these guys?" he asked, watching them set up, but not removing his hand from Alex. It wasn't protective or anything, just a gesture for him to know he was there.

I took a drink from Ryan's water bottle, yes, without him offering, "Alex met them last week with the label he's working on, says their nice guys," I smiled, "And I mentioned something about getting some play time in Boston, which is where they are from, Oh!" I cheered, could you imagine if we could spend New Years there, on like the East Coast, seriously, like, snow! That would be sweet!"

Spencer shook his head at me, "Hold up there," he laughed.

I laughed softly and took my water bottle back from Brendon and finished it off as the guys hit the first chords of their set. Turning my attention to the stage, I rested against Brendon's side, though not too much because it was hot out and I didn't want to get us even more hot and sweaty than we already were. I looked up at Brendon. "Did you go see MXPX? Were they good? I wanted to watch a set with you, but...the offer for air conditioning and a rest was too much to resist..."

Alex moved away with Spencer a little so they could get a better view of the stange and the guys on it. I could already tell that Alex liked them and was impressed with them, for that matter i could already tell that I liked them too. I wished, at least for a moment, that I'd been there in LA to work with them and get to experience working with them in the studio and hearing them recorded rather than just live. I had the feeling they were going a long way and I wondered if there was any chance, even small, that the guys could sort of hook on with them and do much the same.

"Hm, what do you think Bren? I like them...I think it'd be a lot of fun to play 'exchange band' with them..." Grinning, I looked up at him and reached up to play gently with his hand. "I could see you guys sharing a stage with them. I think...when you're ready and all...I think you guys should do a tour with them, what do you think? Should I, as your manager, try to sow some seeds to that in their heads?"

I grinned and let my eyes stray over to Alex and Spence for a few moments. They looked cute, but I noticed that Shaun was watching. "Hm...Spence may have a little competition..."

I took the crate that was sitting next to Ryan and sat down, pulling it closer to him. Grabbing for his hand, I kissed it then placed it in my lap as I watched the band. They were good. I was impressed. Nodding to Ryan, I took in his profile, "They would be a good band to tour with, I do think," glancing at the people watching them, "I don't think our fans would conflict, so that would be good," I smirked, seeing girls in the front row crooning for the beefy singer.

"And MXPX was amazing," I nodded again, reaching in my pocket for a piece of gum, then offering one to Ryan, "That made the entire Warped Tour, well, besides playing, but you know. I would have seen them over air conditioning any day," I teased, "So who else do you want to see?" I asked between songs, watching the singer as they picked up one again, "And who did you get to see?" We hadn't got to talk at all since we got here. I wanted to know everything, but I also wanted to experience this, and we always had tonight to talk about everything.

I followed Ryan's eyes to Alex and Spencer, and then to the guy he must have been talking about. He was checking Alex out and eyeing Spencer, "Yea, maybe," I chewed on my gum, "But, you would think with Alex working along side of them, he would have mentioned Spence, or at least, Shaun would have made a move on Alex that he would have said something, I mean, unless Alex wanted the competition...." I hoped for Spencer's sake that nothing did happen. And I hoped for both of them that if something were to happen, that they would discuss it before anything bad goes down.

"Um, Alex has the list of who we've seen so far...but I remember a group called Bandcamp who had a unique sound and of course Boys Like Girls, who are from the same area as these guys. Both Massachusetts bands. Um, I can't remember who else, it’s been a long day already and even longer since I took my nap." Smiling, I took the offered piece of gum, popping it into my mouth and chewing it as I listened to Landsdowne's next song.

After the song was over, I looked back at Spence and Alex before back to Shaun. "I dunno. It’s possible that even if Shaun wanted to, he wouldn't cos it was work and this is fun. Its different working in the studio like that and being out like this. If something happened with Alex and Shaun while at the studio, Alex could lose his internship...at least, I think he could. I don’t know. I just can tell by how Shaun has been to him since we met up with him earlier. He likes Alex. I can't blame him, and as for Spence...well...don't they say that which you can't have is more attractive?"

Looking over at Brendon I gave him a smile and a gentle shrug before returning my attention back to the stage. "They really are good. I'm going to need to get their album before we leave here today and maybe talk to them about doing some shows with you guys eventually." I nodded to myself and saw Alex turn around. I quirked my eyebrow at him and he grinned as he made his way over to us.

"Okay, so, Spence and I decided we need food. The guys had pizza delivered, so I think we're going to try that route too. You guys up for some pizza or would you like us to order something else for you guys? When they get off stage I'm going to ask if we can use their bus as a point for the delivery guy since they've already been there."

I shrugged at Alex, looking over to Spencer, I wasn't too hungry myself, but I could always eat, "Sure, you can get us what you always get, I mean, if that's ok with you," I looked to Ryan who nodded, "Yea, then just order for us and call us when it gets there or something," I smiled to Alex, then turned my attention back to the stage. Sighing, I tapped my thumb on my leg to the beat.

I wanted to spend some time alone with Ryan, well as much alone time as you could in a huge area of people, but even so, I'd like to stand next to him while we took advantage of our backstage passes on some kick ass set. Now that ours was over, I was game to almost anything, as long as it included Evaline, and my sexy boyfriend.

Glancing over at Ryan, I mouthed 'I love you' before looking to the stage again. I was excited to listen to new bands, and the thought of touring with them made me even happier. I smiled as they interacted with the crowd, doing the little chants with them as a girl beside me tapped my arm, asking me if I was the lead singer of the last band. Nodding, she pulled off her shoe and asked me to sign it. I was stoked to do so, only because it was right next to Mike Herrera, then pointed over to Spencer, telling her that he was the drummer, and he liked doing autographs too.

The bands set ended and I watched Alex go up to the guys, helping and most likely asking about the pizza ordeal. I grabbed at Ryan's crutch lightly and grinned at him, "Is it ok if just you and I walk around a bit? I want to show you off and make sure everyone here knows that you are with me!" I winked.

I smiled a little and nodded, glancing over at Alex with the boys of Lansdowne before back to Spence. "You might wanna keep an eye on that Shaun, Spence, I think he's got the hots for our Lex." I smiled at him as I got up and gave him a light nudge toward Alex. "You might wanna make sure Shaun knows Lex is taken...at least for the time being."

I looked back at Brendon and gave a small sheepish grin as I took the crutches and glanced around. I really didn't know who else was playing that I wanted to go see. I needed to look at the list again, although I could just let Brendon lead me and follow him and I figured that would be okay too because I was pretty sure I'd seen most of those bands that I really wanted to see. Although I had heard rumor of The Used showing up, and they always put on a good show.

"Hey Bren? Can I see that list of shows and times?" I bit my lip as he handed it over and I scanned down until my eyes fell on one of the names that was playing on the other side of the grounds. I checked my watch and then looked back at Brendon. "So...you up for a Bella Morte show? Apparently they're playing in about fifteen minutes on the other side of the grounds..."

I glanced over at Alex still talking to the guys of Landsdowne before back to Brendon, wondering if he would be interested or not. I certainly wanted to see and hear Andy and his singing again. I still thought he was amazing, even if I missed some of the last show because of that whole thing with meeting Brendon.

Spencer gave Ryan a weird look and stared between Alex and Shaun. His mouth twisted slightly before looking up at Alex then to me and Ryan, "Yea, who doesn't have the hots for Alex?" he laughed, smacking Alex's bum quickly then turning to Alex, joining in the conversation.

Laughing at Spencer, he was right, most guys and girls here did a double take when they saw Alex. It didn't matter if he was the ugliest guy in the world, he just simply carried himself as someone with importance. And that right there could knock an A-List celeb on their ass.

"Sure," I winked at Ryan, "Bella is cool, are they playing a main stage? Cause I'd like to not have to stand in a crowd." I referred back to the list and yea, they were playing a bigger stage that you could wait on the wings. Helping him up, we told Alex and Spencer where we were going, if they wanted to come, they could follow, if not, tough luck.

We made our way through the crowd to the BM stage and weeded our way to the front of the stage, standing about five feet from the bass player. I smiled at Ryan. It was good to be out of the shade and there was a soft breeze even. I sighed, placing my arm around Ryan, letting him lean against me. I noticed a few girls pressed against the barricades giggle.

Leaning against Brendon I left my eyes on the stage and I was beyond excited to be seeing Bella with Brendon again. Okay, we hadn't actually seen them together last time, but that didn't really matter. In many aspects that’s part of how we met. Sure, it was mostly the phone calls and the decision to meet, but it was me that was cruel enough to make him find me at a Goth show.

"Fuck, I didn't even know they were goin to be here. I would have pulled out what I could of my Goth clothes to wear to their set. I mean, there’s no way I'd fit in those leather pants with this cast, but the fishnet shirt and the boots, at least on one foot...eyeliner and hair...I could have been dressed perfectly but I didn't even look to see if they'd be here." I pouted a little at Brendon, sure I had eyeliner on, but there was more than just simple eyeliner for a Bella show.

Andy busted out with Logic and it snapped my attention back to him. His voice had this eerie quality that just sucked your attention in and made you stand there in awe. I couldn't help but give him my attention when his vocals were washing over the crowd. I knew I wasn't the only one who was in awe of the man with the bright red hair and no shirt and I couldn’t help but sing the lyrics back to him. The man had stage presence, not that Bren didn't, but it was a whole separate thing, separate crowds, separate types of music and separate types of energy.

"God...I don't think I could ever get sick of listening to him..."

I grinned at Ryan, I had never seen him get so into something before. Yes, he watched me on the stage and got lost in me, but here, he was lost in the music. He looked like he was somewhere else, like this guy was singing to him, almost like it was an anthem of his leader and he was supposed to follow. Like a secret cult, that was told in the words and beat of the music.

He never looked hotter. And honestly, it was slightly turning me on. Like, turning me on a lot. Ok, it could be the fact that I haven't done anything sexual with my boyfriend in a very long time. So long, that it was possible that my dick may fall off. My own body part was getting pissed off with my hand. It was quite scary if you asked me.

Maybe I too was getting into this music, listening to the subliminal messages that are telling me to take Ryan back to that bands bus and let him finger me or something. I gasped in a breath as I came back to reality, looking around at the band, and now the crowd that had that same sort of zombie effect as Ryan to the music.

My pocket vibrated as I pulled out my phone, Spencer messaged to give us 20 minutes for the pizza to get there. Perfect timing, since Bella had easily played over half of their set. I wrapped my arm tighter around Ryan, nuzzling in his ear, "You never looked so hot right now. You are turning me on Ry, I'm getting hard here just watching you watch them," I licked the shell of his ear, turning back to the music.

I shivered against Brendon and leaned in a little more against him, letting my head rest against him as I watched Andy. I wasn't sure how to respond to Brendon's confession, after all, what do you say to your boyfriend when he's standing beside you in public and is telling you that he's hard or getting hard. I mean it wasn't like I could turn around and get him off right there or help him out. Hell, it wasn't like I had much of a choice and could have sex with him or anything.

"Bren..." Smiling, I turned and looked at him, leaning in and kissing him softly. "I love you but right here isn't the best time or place..." I kissed him again so that he didn't think I was upset with him or anything because I wasn't. But at the same time, I couldn't really do much of anything to help him out. "I love you though...and I'm glad you're getting into the music."

I looked over at the stage again in time to see Andy making his way to our side. I wished I was dressed how I usually went to his shows cos I definitely didn't look like I belonged watching them. On top of that, Andy's eyes were on us or me, I wasn't sure which, but again I shivered, this time for different reasons than Brendon, although, at the same time it was a bit thrilling like having him licking along my ear. To me, in some ways, Andy was like a god, just like Pete was in other ways. But Andy was pretty much with the oozing of sexuality and seductiveness in a dark way, and to see him stalking across the stage toward me was beyond amazing.

"Fuck..." I whimpered softly and clung a little onto Brendon. I was about to find myself in trouble, I was sure of it.

I looked from the singer advancing to us to Ryan's eyes and back to the singer. I had never seen Ryan like this. He looked almost like a cartoon character who is being immobilized by a zombie. Too bad it wasn't me who was doing that to him. It could be through...

Watching the singer’s eyes again, I walked behind Ryan, to cover up myself, and bite into his neck slightly. Anyone staring at us would think that I was whispering in Ryan's ear, not nipping at him, but from the lead singer's view, I was sure he saw what was going down. Blowing in the wet spot, I wrapped my left arm around Ryan's waist, looking back behind as the next band was waiting in the wings. It was All Time Low.

I nodded at the guitarist, we had been talking back and forth on Myspace when I asked him a question about which strings he used for his guitar. He stared at me for a moment then recognized me and waved. I knew better than to interrupt him right now, but at least it was something we could message back and forth again with back on Myspace. It wasn't like we were acquaintances or anything, just making friends on Myspace.

Taking my attention back to the stage in front of me, I lazily ran my finger across Ryan's exposed stomach. Silently hoping the set was over soon, so Ryan and I could find some sort of place to get away and off to.

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 00:08:51 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (47/60)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: PG
Summary: I ~~Alex~~ suck at summaries...um, Ryan and Brendon hang out....and go to a movie!.
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

I managed to spill yet another smoothie on myself today. Matt and I both blamed it on the sexual frustration. We had this whole conversation while a fire alarm at the mall went off. We were discussing the fact that once you have sex, you need it. And I really needed it. I haven't gotten any since the weekend of the fourth. And my wrist was kind of getting tired.

I stripped off my clothes, checking myself out in the mirror before turning on the shower. Looking over my shoulder again, I smirked, squeezing my ass cheeks together then unflexing them. I had a hot ass. I had to admit. Hell, I saw complete strangers checking me out, and if my ass was on someone else, I'd most likely check it out too. Matt said I had the nicest ass this side of the Mississippi, but he also came to work stoned that day...

Stepping into the shower, I let my head fall forward, moaning at the water cascading down my body. I always loved the first step into the shower; it was like the first gulp of a cold beverage after a long run or a six song set. It was so refreshing and unbelievably amazing. Resting my hand on the wall, I reached for the shampoo blindly, still letting the water rush down my face, my hair tickling my eyes as I blinked away the wetness.

I sighed as I threw my head back. Worrying about the time, I remembered Spencer was supposed to meet me over here in like fifteen minutes. We were heading over to Ryan's to hang out. Just hang out. Like a group effort. Majorly PG. Not that I minded hanging out with my friends, but dammit if I didn't want to be alone with Ry. Naked and hard. Touching and licking. But, he wasn't completely healed. So I needed to get over myself and wait.

Arms around me and a body against mine was what I woke up to after my nap Friday afternoon. I had fallen asleep after trying to get some work done for the label and studio I had started working with that week. It wasn't much that I had to do, but it was something and it helped to ease some of the boredom from sitting there at home and doing nothing. I'd exhausted myself trying to do too much though and had fallen asleep in my bed halfway through the afternoon. But waking up to arms around me and a body against mine was very welcome and I smiled to myself as I nuzzled backwards against the warmth, keeping my eyes closed.

"Morning sleeping beauty." The voice and breath stirred against my neck and I shivered.

It took about five minutes for it to register that it wasn't Bren's voice. My eyes snapped open and I turned to see Alex laying there beside me, arms wrapped around me. "LEX?"

He smiled his signature smile before placing a chaste kiss on my lips. "Yep."

"What're you doing here?!" I felt tears in my eyes as I looked at him, a little hurt squeezing my heart. "I thought you couldn't make it home this weekend. You were too busy I thought." I knew my voice was rather cold and hurt, but I figured I deserved to be. He obviously lied to me after all.

After rinsing the shampoo, I reached for the conditioner, cursing myself when I poured body wash into my hair not actually catching it until I already had it on my head. Oh well, I'd just smell more like flowers than usual, not a big thing, really, I could handle that.

Grabbing the Edge body wash, I scrubbed my body lightly, thinking of Ryan, helpless lying across his bed. Long thin arm tucked neatly behind his head, his t-shirt ridding up slightly, pulling at every angle from his position. I smiled to myself, imagining him there, laying out in front of me, his right leg lifted and bent, his smile wide, yet sleepy. And then I remembered his kiss. Well, kisses. Wet and hard and forceful at times, silent and sweet and soft at others.

I didn't even know I was hard until my hand crept down there, tickling my happy trail, my knuckles brushing against my tip, the body wash seeping from my fingers, guiding my movements. I let out a moan untangling my fingers from the hairs, now fisting my cock. Grunting, I thrusted my hips into my hand, holding the wall for support. I quickened my pace, my grip light around my cock as I let my fingers press into my balls.

My mouth fell open as I turned, pressing my fingers and hand into myself. I moaned, mumbling Ryan's name as I sped up my pace. Luckily I washed most of my body, so once I got off I just needed to wipe up and get ready. Leaning against the wall, I involuntarily thrust into my hand, making my strokes jagged and hard. I liked it like this. Well, if it had to be me and my hand, I liked it better standing and in the shower, where the water could stifle the noises.

He nodded and reached up to brush my hair away. "I know. I wanted to surprise you. I shouldn't have lied to you though. I'm sorry Ry. But I wanted it to be a big surprise."

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at him, tears slipping from my eyes. "You lied to me...lied Alex. You never lie to me and you did..." Closing my eyes I looked away, turning away from him and staying there, not moving away from him, but making it clear that it hurt.

His voice was soft and quiet, his fingers slipping across my cheek to wipe at the tears. "I'm sorry Ry. I'm sorry I did. I won't do it again, I promise. I wanted to surprise you. Your mom wanted to surprise you. She told me you needed to see me, but I didn't want you to be disappointed if I couldn't show up. Your parents are the only ones who knew I was going to get home if I could. They helped and flew me home actually so I didn't have to pay for it myself. But I wasn't sure till yesterday if I could actually make it. I didn't want you to expect me and then me not be able to come. I knew that would hurt you even more. But I'm fucking sorry I lied. I shouldn't have, I should have just told you I didn't know if I could make it, not that I couldn't."

I nodded a little and sighed softly. "You shouldn't have lied, Alex. If anything else, you shouldn't have lied to me."

"I know...I know Ry, I'm sorry, I really am."

Feeling my knees want to give out, I pushed myself off the wall, thinking of Ryan spread across the bed. Biting his lip in his mouth, hair over one eye, stomach rolling and contracting, eyes fixed on mine. "Fuck..." I grumbled, quickening the movements on my hand, "Ryyyyyyyan...." I let out as I came into the stream, my head falling forward as I watched it wash away. I sighed reaching for the body wash again, squirting some in my hand, then palming myself to get clean.

Turning off the water, I got out of the shower, getting a towel first since mom always bitches about me getting water all over the floor. After drying off enough for my liking, I stepped out onto the rug, smirking at myself in the mirror. “So, do you always moan Ryan’s name when you are getting off?”

My heart leaped out of my chest. I stood there frozen, letting my beat get back to normal before looking over to the voice. Spencer. I hated when he did that. And yes, he had done that often…just came on in while I was in the shower. Normally he warned me, like if he was about to flush or something, but this time, well, I guess my mind was occupied with a few other things then to realize he stepped in.

Shaking my head, I flipped him off, “No, not really,” I smirked, “Sometimes I moan Alex’s when I’m really horny,” I joked. He didn’t take the joke lightly though as he ran up to me, pulling off my towel, then slapping my ass with it. I screeched as I tried to jump out of his fire, running wet and naked into my room, then up on the bed.

I nodded again and opened my eyes, turning back to look at him. "When did you get here?"

Alex glanced at the clock and shrugged a little. "An hour ago maybe? Not too long. You were too adorable curled up and sleeping. I couldn't wake you. So instead, I crawled in beside you and curled up with you and just enjoyed holding you and smelling you. You smell good by the way." He grinned that arrogant, self important grin and I couldn't help but smile back.

Tilting my head, I gave him a quick kiss before shifting a little to curl up more into his arms and body. "Thanks...and I'm glad you haven't been here too long. I still think you should have woken me up to tell me you were here. I can't believe you didn't tell me you were coming, or something."

I felt the coolness of his liprings on my forehead as he shifted closer against me. "I know. I just wanted you to be surprised. It would have been a better surprise if I'd not lied, I know. But still...did I surprise you?" I nodded a little as I felt him give me a gentle squeeze. He was still being cautious of my body and I was glad of it. Even Brendon was still being cautious of me and my body. "You look like you're doing well, Ry. Better than you were looking in LA. I'm glad...I just can't wait for you to be healed completely so you can return to life as normal. Then you can come back to LA and see all the guys and we can have an amazing party...I'll let you even get drunk."

Of course he followed me in there, but just sat down on the bed, throwing my towel back at me. I smiled. See, that’s what I thought! Ha! Moving to sit down next to him, after wrapping myself up in the towel, “So, what is up with you and Alex? Seems like we haven’t talked to each other in forever, like, well, ok,” I shook my head, “We see each other everyday, but never alone I guess, I dunno…”

I turned to face him, pulling my knees up to rest my elbows and chin on them. He shrugged facing me then looking down, blocking his eyes, “Dude, Jesus…It’s one thing to see you naked, but dammit, I don’t need to see the whole show, put some damn underwear on!”

I laughed, getting up, this time it was my turn to flip him with the towel. Snapping it across his arm, I cheered triumphantly then went to my closet for some clothes. Finding the jeans I bought with Ryan and Alex, I slid those on.

“What? No underwear?” Spencer just shook his head.

I grinned, walking over to him, I reached behind him, pulling down the back of his jeans, exposing his crack, “See, that’s what I thought!”

Laughing, he pulled me down across his lap, slapping my now clothed ass, “We’ve got it bad don’t we?”

“Who are you, Usher?”

He poked my side, “You know what I mean…”

I simply shook my head, “No, actually, I went without underwear a lot before I met Ry…you on the other hand, slide a tongue in your ass, and you’re all,” I waved my hands around, “COMMANDO!”

Spencer seriously, I mean literally, shoved me off his lap and onto the floor, landing on top of me, grabbing at my sides and tickling. We laughed and screamed, I yelled ‘Uncle!’ and he finally ceased. Both of us lay there gasping for air until I got up to find a shirt. Hopefully Ry won’t see me naked tonight, I’d hate to explain the massive case of rug burn I just got. Wait, actually, he might enjoy the story!

I was pulling on a shirt as Spencer continued, “I dunno, I mean, it’s weird…”

“What’s weird?” I asked while trying to figure out which hole was for the head and the arms. Yes, I was eighteen and I still had issues with that. Shit, just the other day, I put my shirt on inside out. Easy mistake, yes, but it was a damn polo, then I had deodorant marks on it when I turned it right side out. I was just lazy like that…

I chuckled and looked up at him. "Oh? Are you gonna take care of me while I am too?"

Alex chuckled and nodded, tilting his head down to nuzzle his nose against my cheek. "I promise, Ry. I'll make it up to you and take care of you while you're drunk. I promise."

I smiled and nodded a little, slipping my hand up and along his arm. "Okay, good. I'm gonna hold you to that you know." My eyes slid closed and I slid my hand up to give him as much of a hug as I could from the position we were in and with my ribs in mind. It felt good and I was so glad he was there. I was hurt and mad when he told me he couldn't make it, but I was never one to be able to stay mad at him, I always gave in before too long and just went back to us. "I missed you, Lex. I missed you so much."

"I know, Ry. I know. I missed you too. It was hell after you left. These past couple weeks without you...everything seems fucked up and nothing seems right. I mean...I have no roommate. They've sent lil Lex to stay with me a few of the nights just to keep me company. But otherwise I pretty much have been alone. No Ry to keep me company in bed. No Ry to wake me up when I oversleep. Just no Ry period. I don't like it, and I wish you were back...I know you won't be though..."

I sighed and nodded, nuzzling my head into the curve of his neck. "I won't be back to stay at all. I'll finish out here and hopefully make a few trips down there to visit and catch up with everyone else and all, but I won't get to stay and just...be there with you." I frowned and closed my eyes yet again, just staying close to him. "I wish I could though. I miss you, I miss living with you, I miss being there with you. I love Bren and being home with him, but...life misses you."

“This whole thing with me and Alex,” he picked at the carpet. I looked at him blankly, so he continued, “I mean, it’s just supposed to be like, you know two friends having sex, you know kinda like how he and Ryan started.”

“And?” I squatted, sitting down next to him, leaning against my bed.

He gulped, “Well, he’s not here to have sex. And like, now, I talk to him on the phone regularly and it’s like, well, I kinda like talking to him just as much as I like being naked with him, you know?” I nodded, signifying that I understood, “It’s just, I dunno, like, when we talk, we like really talk, and it’s not all flirty. I mean, of course we do flirt, but it’s a side of Alex I never knew, hell, a side I never even imagined I would know.”

“Do you like it? Would you rather just be fucking, or do you enjoy the talks? I mean, the more relationshippy side to it?” I rested my hand on his leg, waiting for his answer. Was my Lil Spencer falling in love?

Spencer laughed, "Relationship-py...leave it to you to make up words," he shook his head, forcing out my dorky grin, "But, yea, I like it. Of course I like it. But what if Alex doesn't see it like I see it?"

I placed my arm around Spencer's shoulders, "That's something you'll have to discuss with him then. You guys need to be on the same page, so you need to talk about that kind of stuff too, not just whatever you guys are talking about. It's ok to bring those things up. I mean, I know from experience that you can't hold those things in, and as much as you hate the thinking about it, you will feel much better afterwards..."

Spencer smiled at me, standing up and pulling me with him, "Wow, I never thought I'd be getting relationship advice from you," he smirked, pulling me into a hug, "Come on, let's get over to Ry's so I can sneak away and call Alex."

"I know what you mean, Ry..." I actually wanted to talk to you about something related to that..." He pulled away and tilted my head up so he could look into my eyes. "The accident. You in the hospital. You in a coma. You waking up. You moving back home. Living without you in LA. All these things...I refuse to do it longer than I absolutely have to, Ry. I downright refuse to follow this path. I got my best friend back when we got this internship, I came home, and we moved to LA for the summer. I got my best friend back in ways I didn't realize I needed. And then, then I almost lost you. I've never been more scared or felt more alone in my life, not just alone, but helpless. I won't do it again, Ry. I refuse, downright, refuse." I frowned looking at him, wondering what he was getting at before he continued. "I’m transferring home and I want us to get somewhere to live together."

My eyes widened and I looked more closely at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I hope that’s a good reaction cuz I've already applied and they've already accepted me and they've given me all rights to living off campus. And I already told them I'd be living with you, wherever that might be, but I'll be living with you."

Forgetting everything, I launched myself at him. Okay, so it wasn't far to launch myself since we were already snuggled up against each other, but still, I did what launching I could in the four inches between us and partially smothered him with myself. "God yes! That...Lex...That...oh my fucking...that....yes!" I pulled back a little but only enough to smash my lips against his in a hard kiss before holding onto him again much more tightly. My ribs were getting better, if they hadn't been that would have hurt a hell of a lot more than it actually did. "I'm so fucking looking for places this week and...fuck!"

We decided to take Spencer's car, figuring we might go out to breakfast in the morning, and he can just pick me up, since most likely, I'll be sleeping next to Ryan, in his bed. After saying goodbye to my parents, we made our way over to Ryan's. Listening to Straylight Run in the car, I tapped my foot to the slow beat, smiling at almost everything I caught my eye on.

When we got to Ryan's house, we parked and walked up to the front door. I was about to knock when Ryan's mom came out with a washcloth, about the clean the windows and let us in with a smirk on her face, telling us he was in his room, and she was ordering pizza before she and Ry's dad went out for the night. We walked back to the den, aka, Ryan's bedroom, and I stopped, pushing Spencer back when I heard Ryan yell, "God yes! That...Lex...That...oh my fucking...that....yes!"

Turning to look at Spencer, he just shrugged, trying not to laugh, "Looks like he's not the only one who shouts names when he's getting off..." Spencer teased. And this time, I wasn't ready for the teasing, that was just bullshit. I really was joking, but Ryan, actually shouting Alex's name, and when his mother we just down the hall. I shook my head, what the fuck kind family was I getting involved with?

"Come on, let's go walk in on him," Spencer laughed, pushing past me to the door, "ALEX!" he yelled as soon as he made it through the threshold.

Alex laughed and hugged me tight against him. His hands gripped onto my shirt as he just held me tightly. "Hey Spence. Bren." I could hear the grin in his voice when he addressed them. He'd been right, no one but my parents had known that he was coming home, I felt better that Spencer didn't know. But the one thing I hadn't talked to him about, and the one thing I couldn't talk to him about, was the fact that Spence was replacing me. Of course some of those feelings went away when I woke up and found him in bed with me. After all, he could have gone to see Spence while I was sleeping.

His lips pressed into my hair. "You do that Ry. I trust you and you'll find exactly what we need. Find some choices if you want, take pictures and email them to me and I'll help you choose." He kissed my hair again before releasing me slightly, but I wasn't exactly pulling too far away. I was stunned, in shock, in awe, and so very happy that I was getting my best friend back. And there was a small part of me that was smug at the fact that I'd be living with him and I'd have him more than Spence would, but that was the part that would never be acknowledged because that was mean and selfish and I really didn't have the right. I couldn't keep everything for myself.

Grinning to myself, I turned my head and looked over at the guys in the doorway. "So...um...Lex is transferring home and living with me!"

I let my jaw drop as Spencer gasped, "What? When? Like before the internship is up?" Spencer was speed rapid fire in questions like he was on a game show or something. I just stood there staring at Ryan. He looked so happy. Like, unbelievably happy. Like the one thing he had been missing his entire life was finally here and in front of him. Who knew all he needed this whole time was Alex?

Oh wait, I did.

It was just great to see him happy again. He looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and I was glad of that. And now, maybe I could get Alex alone and have him talk Ryan into letting me have sex with him. What was it with me and thinking about sex. Oh yea, I haven't had it in a while and my sexy ass boyfriend was right in front of me.

Interrupting Spencer and his million questions, I placed my hand on his back as I stepped forward reaching out to Alex, "Seriously, that's awesome man," I did a funky little hand motion with him, then leaned down and over to place a kiss on Ryan's cheek, "Like really really awesome, and it's great to see you, a hell of a surprise but great to see you, nonetheless," I smiled at him, then moved to sit on the floor.

"Yea, shit!" Spencer continued, "You are here, like, here!" I shook my head laughing at him as he continued to 'pester' Alex.

Alex laughed at Spencer and gave me a gentle squeeze before sitting up. I wouldn't completely let go of him because I still couldn't really believe my good luck that he was right there and I could touch him, not to mention that he was transferring home and living with me. "No, Spencer, not before the internship is up, after, for when school starts back up. And yes, Spence, I'm here because I came to make sure you all were treating my best friend with the love he deserves."

I laughed and shook my head, pushing myself up the best that I could, it was still awkward although I was getting used to it. Between the ribs and the cast it was still frustrating and annoying the way I had to move and struggle to do normal things. Alex reached out and moved himself so that I could lean against him and not have to hold myself up on my own.

"Don't worry Lex, Bren is doing an amazing job. I promise. He babies me as much as you normally." I smiled over my shoulder at him as he motioned Spence to take a seat.

"Well, that’s the least he should do." He winked over at Bren and I shook my head, looking down at my boyfriend.

"What're you doing down there? I think there’s enough room on this bed for all of us. Besides, I wanted a real kiss, not just a kiss on the cheek." I pouted dramatically and Alex shook his head, I could feel it by leaning against him. I kept half an eye on Spence to see what he'd do while Alex and I sat on the bed. The rest was trained on Brendon, waiting for him to really kiss me, cuz I was not leaning over to kiss him on the floor.

I smiled, copying Alex's shake of the head while crawling up the bed on the other side of Ryan. Curling up against Ryan the best I could, I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, whispering 'I love you' to his lips before connecting them, then nipping at his bottom lip quickly. Pulling back with a smile, I ran the backs of my fingers across his cheek smiling at him, "I like this look on you Ry, all smiles," I spoke softly before leaning down to nip at his neck.

Turning to look over at a very quiet Spencer and Alex, I couldn't help but grin when I saw Spencer leaning down also to kiss Alex. They looked cute, just as they were. It made me smile, reminding me of how we used to be. Ryan and I. So young and naive. Wait, that was still me, but either way, the small, short, awkward kisses. I knew that was mainly Spencer's doing, but even so, I liked it.

I bit my lip as I glanced back down at Ryan, who too was staring at them. Using my index finger to tilt his chin back to me, I stared in his eyes for a few moments before dipping down and kissing him again. I missed his lips. Yes, I had them just last night, but even so, I wished I could kiss them every minute of the day, then, I would know that my life was complete. Really, that was all it would have taken.

"So, your mom said something about ordering pizza, got any other plans for the night?" I asked Ryan as Spencer and Alex came up for air. Not that it was a big kiss or anything, but damn. I laughed at myself, this night could get very interesting, and slightly boring if there was no interaction between all of us except kissing.

I felt Alex slide one of his arms around my waist. I shook my head and then shrugged a bit as I kept my eyes on Brendon. "I don't think so. I mean, I didn't have any for tonight anyway...and then..." I glanced down at Alex's arm before over my shoulder at him, a grin forming again on my lips. "Then I got a surprise by the name of Alex...and now you two here..." My eyes flitted back to my boyfriend and his best friend, my best friend's boyfriend apparently.

"So as far as plans? I don't think I have any other than spending time with my boyfriend, my best friend, and my boyfriend's best friend. So...pizza? What else?"

Alex chuckled in my ear and rested his head on my shoulder as he looked over at Brendon. "By the way Bren, it’s nice seeing you too. And if we're ordering pizza, I say we order a couple, get some movies maybe? Take a swim? Any other ideas or thoughts on what we might do? Obviously we can't all go swimming..." His hand moved from around my waist and down onto the cast peeking out of the blanket I had had over me.

Pouting a little, I leaned back a bit more against Alex. I knew it was a bit selfish of me to try and keep both Alex and Bren to myself, but right then I wasn't too interested in letting him go and letting Spencer take my spot. After all, I felt I deserved some time with my best friend since my best friend had hardly given me any time on the phone since I'd left LA when I knew he'd spent damn near every night on the phone with Spence. I wanted my time and since I knew it would be Bren in bed with me that night and Spence and Alex off somewhere together.

"I wish I could go swimming...I guess I can just hang out on the side of the pool while you guys swim."

"I can make it worth your while," I teased, leaning in so only Ryan could hear, then licking the shell of his ear. Resting my weight back on my elbow, I ran my fingers down along Ryan's waistband of his pants while looking up at Spencer, "I'm digging the whole pizza idea," I shrugged, "Of course, I'm always hungry," I grinned.

"Yea, movies sound good too, I'm wore out from work this week," Spence knelt beside the bed, running his hand along Alex's side, "We had this dog come in today that got in a fight with it's owners mulch. It took me and two other guys like an hour just to hose him down," he shook his head. Spencer worked at an animal grooming place, which is why he is going away to the college he chose. I know, it's weird for a private Catholic school to have a good Vet program, but he said it has something to do with St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, but yea, whatever...

Laughing at him, I nodded, "Hey, my dog could use a bath too, need some extra cash?" I asked, knowing he would do it for free, but my parents have been bugging me so much, they offered to pay me $50 for it, might as well give it to Spencer, "Mom'll pay you fifty, then you can pick up some cool shirts at warped like you wanted."

I bite my lip as I looked over at the two in the bed, almost excluding them from our conversation, "No, but about movies," Spencer started, "That sounds good, and there are ways to go around swimming with a cast, and like," he placed his hands on his hips, slipping on out to take Alex's hand. I smirked over at Ryan, "Wait," he knelt down, "This could like, you know, be our first official date or something, I mean, as long as Ryan is up for it, we should go out, like a double date, and I could show you off..." he said the last part as nearly a whisper, but I was sure we all heard and had a smile on our faces.

I glanced over at Alex. I loved him, but Alex on an actual date? Yeah, it wasn't exactly something I could really imagine, but maybe that was just because of how he normally was when it came to people he was sleeping with. All the same though, I thought it was a cute idea. Alex's eyes moved from Spencer and over to me. Our eyes met and the grin he gave me was slightly sheepish.

"You do need to get out, Ry. I know you're enjoying living like a king in here and all with everything laid out perfectly for you and being waited on hand and foot, but you do need to get out. What do you say? Maybe we could go to that little theater on the other side of town? Check out movies there, see what they're playing for cheap? You'd get out...we'd watch movies...we could go out for pizza or just dinner in general?"

I smirked slightly as I looked over at him. "You just want to go out on a first official date, don't you?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "It isn't that, Ry. I came home to see you...and tell you about me moving home...I think we should go out and celebrate." His hand reached out to wind fingers with mine. "I refuse to give up having you around. It scared me too much after the accident. I'd have been here last weekend if I could, but they wouldn't let me. So I'm here now, and I think we should celebrate that you're alive, that we're both alive. I think we should celebrate that I'm moving home. I think we should celebrate life. Okay, having a double date..." He looked at Spence. "Makes a good excuse to get you out of this house."

I looked down a little and frowned slightly to myself. I hadn't planned on going out into public, I didn't know if I looked even remotely presentable. "We can go...I just...you have to let me...um...get ready or something...and yeah...I like that theater...that would be fun."

Smiling over at Ryan, I shook my head, "Babe, you look beautiful," I whispered, nipping at his cheek, "But we can give you all the time you need, and yea, I think that's a good idea too, I love taking you out too," I smirked over at Spencer, slightly mocking him, "And showing you off also."

Spencer flipped me off then grinned down at Alex, "Is there like a number we can call to see what movies are playing and the times? And do we want to get reservations or something to a place so we have seats..."

"Spence," I laughed, "Really, settle down, we aren't going that fancy," I joked. That was how Spence and I were though, we joked around a lot towards each other, and the fact that we were seeing one another more frequently due to practices, we were starting to fight more and more like siblings.

Sighing, Spencer gave me a weird face, "I was just saying, you know cause it's Friday, so we can actually do both things, plus, I'm hungry right now..."

"When are you not?" I teased. Turning to Ryan, I wiggled my eyebrows at him, "I'm excited to get you out in public with two of your favorite men!" I wanted to say it, but refrained if this doesn't cheer you up, I'm not sure what will... I knew I had no place to judge, but lately I had tried to bend over backwards for him, but he wouldn't really budge. I was fully aware of the accident, and the post stress stuff he was dealing with, not to mention the fact that Alex was away, as was his internship. But I knew that his parents, the band, and myself were trying hard to make him laugh and smile. And if we couldn't get one out of him today with Alex here, I wasn't sure what I was going to do.

"Well, we could always have pizza delivered while you guys wait for me to get ready and all...by the time I'm ready the pizza would be here...but then we wouldn't be eating out and you suggested that..." I shrugged a little and looked at Brendon before over at Alex for a moment. I loved that Bren told me I was beautiful, but I didn't feel beautiful. I felt...well, greasy and gross, like I'd been in bed and not showered for weeks rather than just a couple days. Bathing had gotten much more difficult with the infernal cast on my leg.

"Yeah, the phone number should be under Ry's parent's phone in the kitchen. They go there a lot so they always have the number handy. They're probably only playing three movies, tops. It’s a theater that only plays movies that aren't new releases. Like...they might be playing Pirates 2 since Pirates 3 just came out, or something like that. It’s a cool theater though. They have a snack bar and the chairs are big and cushy and on wheels and there are low tables. I think there’s only room for about thirty people per theater too. It’s small, but fun." I nodded in agreement before his gaze shifted to me.

"If you wanna get ready we can let these two gentlemen decide what we're doing on our date and we can be the girls tonight and let them plan." He smirked at me. "I can help make sure your eyeliner is flawless so you're not embarrassed when your date shows up to pick you up."

I laughed softly and shoved Alex gently with my hand. "I never said I was going to wear eyeliner...but maybe I will if I give up on everything else." I bit my lip and glanced between Brendon and Spencer before murmuring. "It’s up to you guys if you want to go out for dinner or stay here and order pizza in. I don't really mind either way. So...you guys decide...I'm gonna...well...go try to sorta shower...I think...maybe it'll be a sponge bath or something...I just feel gross..." I looked at Alex. "I can't believe you curled up in bed with me, I feel like I smell!"

I shrugged, looking up at Spencer who was now standing, "Yea, we can go and call that place and order pizza," I nodded, starting to crawl off the bed. Once I was on my feet, I leant down and kissed Ryan's forehead over Alex, "I know Alex's is capable, but um, if you need me to help bathe you, you know that is my favorite part of the whole week," I winked. I still have yet to get over the sight of Ryan naked. It was pure beauty. Even with the weird awkward cast, he still had all the right slopes and dips. And now that the bruises had started to disappear, he went back to the same nakedness I saw in his dorm room just a few months ago.

Spencer snapped me out of my daze, "Sorry," I fixed my eyes on Ryan's body, making my way up to his eyes, "I was just picturing Ryan naked..."

I heard Spence's laugh from behind me as he said he'd go see what movies were playing and would be right back to get the pizza order. I already knew what Ryan wanted, and I was happy with anything but meat, so it made things simple.

"This place sounds pretty cool. I'm not sure if I could see Pirates again considering that seems like all we watch around here," I winked, "But I could go for an older movie that is in a comfortable atmosphere and not crowed at all," grinning, I shoved my hands in my pocket, waiting for Spencer to return.

"I don't think Alex meant that we'd go see Pirates, he was using it as an example, Bren..." I quirked my eyebrow at him. "And aren't you always picturing me naked?" I laughed softly as Alex climbed off the bed and stood beside me.

"Well, princess, where shall we get you this shower of sorts? Do you want to go upstairs? Or did your dad finally get the bathroom down here up and running so it’s actually usable?" He grinned at me before he wandered around the room, randomly picking articles of clothes up, looking at them, and discarding many of them. "We also need to find you something to wear...and the cast poses a problem for that. We need something sexy and fashionable for your date, but this year's designs for cast covers are decidedly atrocious. We could choose a pair of shorts if they'd manage to find their way over that monstrosity of a thing on your leg. I wouldn't want to cut a pair just to fit over that thing..."

Alex trailed off as he continued looking through my clothes. I trusted him to figure something out, he knew me far too well as it was and knew what I'd want to wear. He was right though, the cast caused problems. I couldn't help but smile at his litany though, it was adorable I thought. After he'd gone through damn near everything in the room quickly, he held up what he thought would suit me perfectly for the evening. He'd pulled out a black fitted t-shirt, the newest hoodie from Pete's Clandestine clothing line that was black with a purple batmond on it, and a pair of black pajama pants that had elastic at the waist but none at the ankle.

"Okay, so the only color being the purple batmond and the rest being black, but hey, you love black so it works, right?"

I chuckled and nodded. "I think so. And yeah, dad finished the bathroom down here while I was...um...gone. The tub works now."

I stood back, smiling with my arms across my chest as I watched them in front of me. Damn, it was great to see Ryan smile. Taking the chance before Spencer came back in the room, Alex announced that he would go get some water ready, I walked over to Ryan, sitting down next to him.

"You look so amazing when you smile, you know that?" I asked, tucking his hair behind his ear, "I missed that in you, it's been a while," pecking his lips quickly, I sat back up, "I mean, yea, you smiled, but that smile," I grinned as him as it spread more across his face, "That is what I missed."

Placing both hands on the side of his face, I balanced myself while lowering my lips to his, nipping at them before pressing my tongue inside his mouth. The muscles in my arms strained as I continued the kiss, pulling off his lips to slide down his cheek then to his neck. I mumbled 'I love you' against his skin, then sat back up, "You are right, you do stink!" I joked, snipping at his bottom lip as Spencer came in the room.

"So yea, they have like three movies playing, all sound good to me, but I forget what they are, but oh, they are playing Walk the Line and I really kinda wanted to see that, I mean, if you guys are ok with that, I dunno, and they are playing a scary movie and some Hilary Duff flick, so yea..." he trailed off, stepping up to me as Alex entered, "Come on Bren, let's go order pizza while Ry gets cleaned up."

I shrugged slightly in response to the movies. I honestly didn't care all that much which movie we watched, personally I preferred the idea of the horror movie, whatever it was, but I knew that Brendon wasn't a big fan of horror movies, I wondered if Spencer was. "I don't care too much what movie...but...you really don't remember what the horror was? I haven't watched a good horror movie in a while. I'd love to see one again."

Alex smirked as he came over to me to help me get up off the bed. "Oh, yeah, you and your horrors, Ry...good thing I like them too or you'd be watching them all by yourself and getting nightmares constantly." He grinned at me as he helped me up. "So, since your ribs are obviously better...I think I'm going to just pick you up and carry you to the bathroom. The water should be warm by now and perfect for getting you all clean and not smelly...not that you were smelly to begin with. Actually, I kinda liked it. You smell like you."

Blushing, I looked away, resting against Alex and murmuring something to try and get him to shut up, not that he'd actually listen to me though. He loved to tease me, it was just a good thing that I knew how to take it and didn't mind it so much.

He looked over at Brendon and Spencer before they left the room. "So, one pineapple, no sauce, what else are you guys ordering? Oh, you could get cinnamon sticks for dessert, I miss having those in LA. I haven't found a pizza place near the apartment that’s anywhere near as good as those here." His eyes came back to meet mine. "Maybe that tells me I should come home every weekend I can...if you weren't enough of an excuse to begin with, throw cinnamon sticks on top of it!" He grinned and winked at me and laughing, I slid my arms around him.

"Only you would fly home for cinnamon sticks, Lex." He swung me up into his arms and waited to hear what the guys had to say about dinner.

"I think we'll go with the new HUGE cheese pizza too, dude that thing feeds like an army!" Spencer laughed, "Oh, and The Descent is playing. Isn't that the one where they are in a cave or something?" I nodded slowly, looking over to Ryan as Alex was carrying him away. Well, at least it was a scary movie I had seen before, so I knew what was going to happen, and when I needed to hide in Ryan's arms.

We ordered the pizza, making our way to the couch as we waited for it to arrive. Spencer, being the ever so controlling friend, found the remote and we watched a rerun of Warped Wednesdays on FUSE while getting exciting and talking about our set. Well, to be honest we were more than excited, and from our myspace bulletin replies, it sounded like a lot of people were going to be there to cheer us on.

Ry and Alex finished up in the tub, and Ryan, he did look amazing. Alex was a great stylist. I couldn't help but attack him with kisses once he was sitting next to me and Alex on the couch, mumbling over and over again how sexy he was. The food arrived and Spencer brought it in while I made myself at home in the kitchen, returning with plates and drinks.

Still watching FUSE, we ate in a reasonable amount of time for the movie. Once we were all full, I began to condense the two boxes and took the leftovers out in the fridge, coming back to smile at the guys on the couch, "Ok, so should we take Spence's car then, since it's got more leg room?" I asked, walking back to Ryan's room to get his crutches.

"Yea, I'm cool to drive," I heard Spencer say while digging around in Ryan's room.

"Ok, well then, let's get this show on the road!" I smiled, placing the crutches in front of Ryan, "You want to walk to the car, or were you getting used to strong Alex here carrying you?" I smirked, winking at Alex.

Alex chuckled as he stood up and looked at me. "You know I'll carry you anywhere you want me to, but I know you Ry, you'll want to walk on your own once we're at the theater. So...take up the crutches, show me you can walk before we get there." He grinned and helped me up. "You gotta give me a lot to bring back with me. All the guys are going to want to hear how you're doing and I'd rather tell them that I saw you moving on your own with the crutches then tell them I carried you everywhere."

I nodded and smiled at him, taking the crutches and blushing slightly. I wasn't used to all the attention that I was being given since the accident, but just because I wasn't used to it didn't mean that I didn't enjoy it to a point. I fit the crutches beneath my arms, happy to be clean and smelling clean as well as to being into clean clothes, even if I'd rather be in my snug fitting jeans instead of a pair of pajama pants.

"Okay, so I'm walking...did we decide which of the three movies we're seeing? It shouldn't matter too much because it won't be too busy there either way, but I'm just curious."

Alex stayed close to me, he was hovering, I kinda liked it. I could definitely see a difference in his eyes since the accident. Even if the others couldn't or wouldn't see it, I could and it meant a lot to me. The idea of losing me had shaken him more than he'd probably let anyone know. Even if he let Spence in while I was in the hospital, even if he let Spence see, I wasn't sure he would really let Spence know how it affected him. I saw it in his eyes and pretty much nowhere else, besides the hovering and the touching. His touching was a little more for reassurance that I was there. His eyes...his eyes told me a different story. He was still scared of losing me. I loved him for it, but I didn't plan to go anywhere. I gave him a smile as I started for the door, figuring if the rest of them weren't going for it, I would at least and spoke over my shoulder. "See you at the car!"

Laughing, I looked over at Alex then back to Ryan. I swung my arm around Alex, "He's a wild one that Ryan..." I joked, letting go of Alex to run and get the door for Ryan, then holding it for the other two to leave also. Locking the door from the inside, I closed it, in hopes that Ryan's parents would be back before us, or at least Ryan had a key. If not, I'd been known to shimmy through windows, so I could handle it.

As I walked to the car, I heard them discussing the movies, "I call The Descent!" I smiled again over at Ryan. Spencer gave me a weird look, "What? I've seen it before, so I won't be scared!" Plus, I was hoping that I could spend the night snuggled in the bed with Ryan in case I had a bad dream, but really I guessed that was up to Ryan and Alex.

I watched Alex help Ryan in the car, figuring that the front seat would have been the best room for his leg, plus, you could push the seat back, and there was enough room in the back for someone to sit in the middle and behind the driver's side. It just seemed easier, even though it put both me and Alex not next to Ryan, but we could sacrifice for comfort for one car ride. I knew I should let up on being next to Ryan for a little bit, but I just couldn't. Since I got to see him everyday, I didn't want to stop that.

I thought about it as I was climbing into the car after Alex, letting him have the middle so he could hang and lean upfront to the two boys occupying those seats. I was fully aware that he and Alex needed and deserved a little time together, but I honestly didn't want to give my Ry time up. I know, that was selfish, but I really loved him and I couldn't bring myself to not want to be right next to him touching him. Although, there was also Spence, so I guess I should lighten up on Ryan and pay attention to Spence. Who knows, maybe during the movie Alex and Spencer would be all over each other.

more

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 00:05:27 GMT

I wondered how Spence felt since Alex was sorta paying more attention to me than him. I hoped he understood because we were best friends and I honestly needed to have that from him badly. I knew he should understand, he had to have seen how Alex was while I was in the hospital, and on top of that wasn't it just common sense to understand when your boyfriend needs to give his best friend most of the attention after they've gone through things like I had? Maybe it isn't, but I thought it should be. Either way, I wasn't exactly trying to take Alex's attention away from him, but I still couldn't forget that he and Alex had phone calls every night that lasted forever and I didn't get anywhere near that type of attention while I was back in Vegas.

I glanced over at Spence out of the corner of my eye when I felt Alex's fingers in my hair a little. "Is that how you deal with horror movies? You won't watch them but if you've watched it once you'll watch it again?" I could hear the smirk and teasing tone to his voice, he was joking around with Brendon and was definitely going to take his chance at teasing him the best that he could. It made me smile because it told me just how comfortable he was with Brendon after everything.

Reaching up, I took Alex's hand from my hair and just played with his fingers a little as I looked over my shoulder at him and Brendon sitting behind me. "I know we just ate pizza and all, but can we get popcorn? Like, really yummy buttery popcorn and then I want a cherry coke or a code red, I don't remember if they serve Pepsi products or coke products..." I trailed off and chewed on my lip for a moment before shrugging. "Either way...I want some popcorn and a soda...and if you guys don't want to eat anything can we just get some for me?"

I grinned at the two of them knowing if one didn't give in and get it for me the other would.

I shook my head, shoving Alex lightly, "Yes, that is how I play, ok," I fake pouted at him, turning to look out the window with a smirk on my face.

Spencer started laughing as he signaled left onto the interstate, "He's still a bit scared from when we were kids and we stayed up real late to watch the Exorcist once and his parents found out and went off on him. Plus, his sister was a pain in the ass, and she dressed up like the girl the next night and freaked him out with her friends, so yea, kinda sour..."

Reaching forward, I smacked Spencer upside the head, "Yea, yea, they get the point," I mumbled, "But yea," I decided to change the subject much like Ryan did, "I'll get you some food, no worries, hell, this whole thing can be my treat since you haven't done much but sit on your ass lately," I joked with him, "You're only with me cause I work two jobs and still find time to take care of your bum," I giggled along, making sure my voice was completely lighthearted and joking, if not borderline flirting.

"Really," Spencer piped in, using the same tone as me, “Alex told me he was only with you cause your lips were so perfect around his cock..." I think everyone's jaw dropped at that one, mine the furthest. Even though I was fully aware it was completely rubbish, and like I'd said, we'd been around each other too much lately...and the guys in the band didn't make it much better.

I laughed and looked over at Alex with a smirk on my lips. "Well, I'm not going to refute that...but why would I?" My eyes slid to Brendon. "Your lips are perfect when put to such a use..." I winked at Brendon as I settled back against the chair a little before directing Spence where to turn because he and Bren didn't know where we were going, and since I was in the front it made me navigator, at least that’s how I was raised in my family, passenger is the navigator. I had to make sure not to steer him wrong.

Alex grinned at Brendon before catching Spence's eyes in the rear-view mirror. "See? I told you. The only reason Ry would ever date someone with such a big mouth were if they were amazing at giving blowjobs. Guess you never learned that while you were growing up with him huh?" He laughed and I grinned and bit my lip. It was fun to joke about such things as long as no one's feelings got hurt in the end. "Then again, Spence, haven't I told you that’s why I'm paying attention to you? Cuz of what your mouth can do when you're naked and turned on?"

I scrunched up my face and shook my head. "Ew, Lex, just ew. Now that’s not something I want to hear about! That type of talk is simply not acceptable anywhere let alone in mixed company!" I winked at him as he squeezed my head gently. I knew I had big hands, but Alex's weren't tiny either, he liked to grip onto my head when he was playing at being annoyed at me.

"I already told you all this though, Ry. I gave Spence my attention cuz of the way he eats up sex...sometimes literally." I winked and grinned and I tried to stifle a guffaw because I'd never have thought anyone would talk about Spencer that way. Then again, obviously we were learning more about him and he was obviously getting more comfortable with us.

I shook my head at the conversation, subconsciously bringing my fingers to my mouth, "Huh," I mumbled, "And here I thought my ass was bigger in proportion to my lips...." I shrugged. But, little did I know, I walked straight into that one.

"Well," Spencer passed an older couple on the right hand side, "We all here are fully aware that you haven't put that to use yet..."

This time my jaw did drop for good, "You fucker!" I squealed, pinching the side of his rib and twisting lightly. I crossed my hands over my chest. I wasn't quite pissed, but it didn't make me too happy. I already had enough of a complex about not being able to give in that respect, and Spencer knew that, and here we were having a fun carefree conversation and he had to bring that up.

"Why don't you like, do your job or something and drive and pick something good to listen to?" I sighed, making eye contact with Ryan and smiling lightly, signifying that I would be ok, I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. Spencer did as he was told, turning the radio on some alternative rock station and following Ryan's directions.

"Oh, so it's right off exit 42? I know where that's at..." he replied quietly, tapping his hands to the beat of the music. Something I knew he did when he was thinking.

"Yeah, but you know Spence, you really shouldn't say much about what Bren hasn't done...cuz I know there’s things you haven't done too...probably a lot more of those than Bren..." I looked over my shoulder at Brendon as I heard Alex laugh.

"Oh, but its only a matter of time before Spence is as big of a slut as I am, isn't that right?" I shook my head at Alex.

"Shush, you're not a slut and you're not going to make him one too. Being good in bed doesn't make you a slut, but...you knew that already. And I think we all know I've got no complaints as far as me and Bren are concerned." My eyes strayed to Spence. "Lets just get it straight...I like to be fucked. I like to be 'the bottom' and I know you can understand that Spence, cuz I know you like it too." I grinned. "So ease off, Spence...if I remember correctly you were walking a little crooked your first time...and no, I didn't miss it even though I'd just woken out of a coma."

Alex laughed and shook his head. "We were that obvious? Shit! Well, was I?" 
I looked at him and gave a bark of laughter. "You're always obvious when you have sex, Lex. There’s this look on your face, a sparkle in your eyes, a swagger in your step...you exclude something and its like you have a bullhorn announcing that you've had sex before you walk into a room." I winked at him before motioning to Spence to turn into the strip mall we'd arrived at. "Its at the end. Too bad I don't have a handicapped plaque, we could park really close."

"Can we..." I started before Spence could say anything, "Can we just not talk about it ok?" I sighed, avoiding the eyes of everyone. I really didn't want to talk about it. It was bad enough I was the least sexually advanced person in the car, and the fact that as much as we talked, I still couldn't fuck my own boyfriend, let alone let him fuck me, for another month or so, and just talking about it made me even more upset that I wouldn't get to have it.

Keeping my eyes on the city outside, I bit my lip, my fingers playing with the hem of my shirt as I heard Spencer say something about parking as close as he can for Ryan. We drove around until an old lady left from shopping at the Hallmark store, and he pulled into the spot, parking and killing the car.

He hopped out, as did I, waiting for Alex to help Ryan out on his side, "Bren, I didn't mean to upset you or anything, I mean, we were only joking."

I glared at him, "That's not the point, you guys can joke about it all you want, and you know what, before this weekend is over, or Alex goes back, you will get to have sex with him or suck him off, but me, I can't. My boyfriend is still healing, and I can't do anything about that..."

He stopped me placing his hands on his shoulder, "Shit, Bren, I'm sorry, I completely...it just seemed soo..." I held my hand up to his lips silencing him as Ryan and Alex came around the car to meet us. I was fine, really I was, as long as this night stayed light hearted and fun, I would be fine.

I leaned against Alex a little, resting my head on his shoulder as I looked over at the two best friends in front of us. "Hmmm...maybe we should give them some time alone...looks like we interrupted something that could lead to a lot of money when the pictures get posted on the internet after they're famous."

Alex slid his arm around my waist and rested his head on mine. "You're right, I think we did. Maybe we can run over to the store over there and buy those small throwaway cameras. By the time we get back maybe they'll have lost at least one of their shirts, possibly more."

"Oohh, sounds good. I'll race you to see who can get there first and get the camera and get back. I bet I'll beat you!" Alex laughed and turned to kiss my forehead softly.

"I'm not going to race you, Ry, I know you'll beat me, even with your two legs tied together you would. But, maybe we should let them make out while we go get some tickets and seats and we can get you that popcorn and soda you're craving."

I grinned at him and nodded. "Sounds like a plan. We'll see you two love bugs in the theater...you shouldn't have to look too hard to find us." I laughed and grinned at Spence and Bren.

I laughed, grinning from ear to ear, regarding the two in front of me, "Not so fast..." I teased, stepping away from Spencer, "Nothing to see here, nothing to see..." shaking my head, I walked over, placing my lips on Ryan's then ran a finger down his cheek, "We are done, we promise."

"Although..." Spencer wiggled his brows, "You think, you know as management and what not that that would be good publicity? I mean, I'm sure we could spread that stuff around at the Warped tour, at least a few more people will buy the cd because of it."

I let my eyes bug out, glancing at Ryan and Alex as we headed towards the theatre, "Seriously guys, don't egg him on, this whole warped thing has created a monster, I think if we just keep walking and ignore him, his big head will go away," I spoke softly, but loud enough for Spence to hear.

Running ahead before he could catch me, I made my way up box office, buying four tickets to the next showing of The Descent. Smiling at the clerk, I walked back over to the guys who were waiting, handing them each their ticket stub, "So, The Descent it is, you wanna go get some good seats and I'll get us some food?" I tilted my head to them, "Oh, and kinda towards the back, you know, in case I wanna make out with my boyfriend," I winked, holding the door open for the three of them.

"Bren, weren't you listening? It isn't like a normal theater. There aren't really seats 'in the back' like in a regular theater because there are no fixed seats. They're like cushy executive's chairs on wheels, you bring them where you want them to be. Silly. And, if anyone else wants anything, you're going to need another pair of hands. Mine are out, so take Spence or Alex with you to help." I walked through the door, or rather hobbled on my crutches through the door and headed for the theater that had 'The Descent' over it.

"I'll find seats, at least enough for me and my leg. I'll see you guys when you get in there."

Alex slapped my ass lightly as I made my way away from them and I heard him turn to the others. "Well, we know what he wants, I could probably go for something else myself as well. So why don't we let him deal with seats and we'll deal with refreshments? Deal? Deal."

After that I didn't hear them as I made my way into the theater. I collapsed into the first chair I came upon and caught my breath for a moment. I was so out of shape and I knew it. After recovering myself, I looked around, being presented with a very empty theater, of course the show didn't start for another fifteen minutes, so others might filter in, but it gave us the choice of where to sit. Since it was a flat floored room littered with chairs and low tables and with the screen up on the wall, positioning was key. It wasn't a fancy theater, and there were elements of that that I missed when going to this one, but all the same, the cushy chairs were more comfortable than any movie theater chairs I'd ever sat in before, the only thing that could have made them better was foot rests.

I chose a set of chairs around the middle of the room, far enough back so we weren't straining our necks to look up, but close enough that we weren't too far away from the screen. There were also two tables with the set of chairs so it allowed me to use one to rest my leg on, and I promptly did so while I waited for the others to come in with the food.

I shrugged as I watched him go, figuring if it were a theatre, there had to be a front, middle and back of the place, considering there was a front, middle and back of almost anything. Letting it slip from my head, I walked up in line after Spencer and Alex, peering over their shoulders to tell the sales girls that it was all together before checking out the food situation. I knew I had just eaten too, but Ryan was right, more food did sound good.

Standing back, I bit the skin of my thumb as a nervous habit hearing Alex order for Ryan, and Spence get a large slushy and nachos. Walking up after them, I smiled at the girl, ordering a box of Sour Patch Kids and a tall glass of water.

"We don't have tall glasses of water, we only have tall cups for soda and then bottles of water unless you want a complimentary cup or water," she held up a cup that wouldn't even hold all my piss.

I shook my head, it was the same thing at every damn theatre, "No, I would like a tall glass of water..."

"But we don't..."

Spencer interrupted me, stating that he and Alex would go find Ryan and thanked me for paying, then they ran away. Spence knew how angry I got in this situation. I just wanted a tall glass of water with some goddamn ice.

"I understand that," I glanced at her name-tag, "Kim, but I would like a tall glass of water, I have no problem with you charging me for a pop just so I can have a large cup that is filled with ice and water," I was trying not to sound rude, and I knew a side of my father was coming out in me. Finally, she asked another girl, 'Steph' who just shrugged her shoulders. Kim came back, giving me a tall glass of water free of charge. The total was $22.56, and I handed her $25, telling her to keep the change for the trouble, then grabbed my drink and candy, walking into the darkened room with a sigh.

Alex plopped himself down in a chair beside me, causing me to start in surprise. He was holding a large bag of popcorn and a large soda. I had the feeling he intended to share them with me since he didn't have anything of his own, and I honestly didn't mind if he did because the size of the bag he bought was far too big for just me, not to mention the soda, I'd have to pee halfway through the movie and that was a production in and of itself to get there. I didn't want to pull the guys out of the movie to assist me in getting to the bathroom.

"Here you go princess, just as you were promised. Just don't mind me if my fingers snitch a few pieces throughout the movie!" He grinned and his eyes were glinting in the low light.

I smiled up at Spence before thanking Alex. "Oh, you can snitch more than just a few pieces Lex, this thing is huge, you didn't have to get me the largest size they had. I could have been perfectly happy with the smallest."

"Yeah, probably true, but if it were the smallest you wouldn't let me snitch any!"

Shaking my head, I chuckled, knowing he was right, and instead, just murmured. "You're too good to me Lex, seriously."

He beamed up at Spence before leaning over and pecking my nose. "I adore you, what can I say? But actually, Bren paid for it, so thank him and just share with me."

I looked up at Spence. "You can have some too...oh, and take a seat, any seat, I don't think it matters which you chose since we're the only ones here for the moment."

Walking into the room, I smiled, seeing that we were the only ones in here so far. Making my way over to Ryan, I pulled up a seat next to him, plopping down in it, causing me to slide a little. I had to use the table for support as I neared myself to the rest of these guys, "These chairs are rolly, they'd be fun to play with out on the street!" I grinned, always being a fan of wreaking some sort of havoc.

What can I say; the Jackass guys were my heroes. And Bam was more or less unbelievably hot.

"Got enough popcorn guys?" I winked at Alex and Ryan, then tapped my straw on the table between my fist to get the paper wrapper to come off. Tugging at it with my teeth, I got it out of it's protective thingy and kept it in my mouth as I poked it through the top of the my cup of water.

"You finally get some water?" Spencer asked after he licked his finger of cheese that had spilled all over.

I nodded, taking a huge drink, "Yea, she gave it to me for free too," I smiled.

He shook his head, "See. I told you it was the lips," rolling his eyes, he dipped another chip in the cheese, placing it to his lips and crunching it in an echo that filled the whole room.

Glancing at the drink between Ry and Alex, I shook my head, "I know how you are," I teased, "And just so you are aware, I will be more than happy to take you to the bathroom when you need to go," I smiled at Ryan, "Especially if it is in the part where they are down in the cave..."

I laughed and shook my head. "Bren, that’s like...the whole movie that they're in the cave."

Alex piped up at that point. "Don't worry, I won't let him drink it all. I'll drink some of it too since its my favorite!" I thrust the straw into the cup and took a deep drink, well, as deep as he could through a straw. "Mmm...Cherry Coke! I'm surprised they have it, most theaters don't have Cherry Coke, only regular and diet, so, since it is my favorite, of course I had to get a huge one for us to share, just like with the popcorn. Mmm...two of my favs."

He smirked at me as he took another drink and I shook my head, looking back at Brendon. "But thanks...I might have to take you up on that anyway...but I don't want to miss the movie, I love this movie. And I'm not going to look at it in a 'when they’re in the cave' point of view either, cuz if we miss that part we miss like the whole movie." I pouted rather dramatically at him so he got the point that I did want to see the movie. Spending the movie in the bathroom, as much making out as would be involved and fun therein, just wasn't what I had planned for the night.

I heard Alex chuckle beside me and then his voice was raspy and whispery, but I couldn't help but hear it all the same. "Isn't that licking supposed to be my job?"

I actually blushed a little at hearing him use that tone, it was much more his bedroom tone, but all the same, it reminded me of the last time I'd heard him talk like that. So rather than think on it too much, I turned my attention back to Brendon. "Thank you, by the way, for paying for everything."

"No problem," I all but whispered as I ran my hand through the back of his hair, matting it down a little. I always had that problem when I rode shotgun in Spencer's car, I liked to lean my head back on the head rest, and in turn, my hair would get all funky. Smiling genuinely at Ryan, I fixed my eyes on Spencer and Alex, shaking my head. Those two...

The room got dark, and I must not have been paying attention, but a few more groups filled some tables, but each gave the other respect and enough room to keep a table between them. I turned towards the screen, blindly reaching for Ryan's hand. Once I found it, I entwined our fingers, keeping them in his lap, and again, I couldn't help but smile as I took another drink of my water.

Opening the box of Sour Patch Kids, I popped two in my mouth, wincing at the taste before offering them silently to the others around the table. Spencer nodded, so I threw a few at him, then sucked on mine freely, making a slurp noise and coughing on the taste. The first few were always the kicker. Then I could numb my tongue to them and everything was ok. I titled my head back to the movie, squeezing Ryan's hand as I watched a preview for some recockulous Lindsay Lohan movie about knowing a killer or something.

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 00:53:00 GMT

Title: That one game...
Author: howido_fics
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: PG FLUFF
Summary: They are stuck in traffic, and Brendon is bored.
Disclaimer: Fake people ~~suck~~

Nobody quite knew how he did it. Don't get me wrong, Ryan LOVES his boyfriend, he just wasn't quite fond of his driving. But somehow ~~a few blowjobs and hard fuck later~~ Ryan was heading down the interstate with Brendon, constantly checking that his seatbelt was in place and gripping the 'oh shit!' bar.

As I mentioned earlier, Brendon and Ryan were in love. They started dating when they toured with The Academy Is... What started out as a joke: Ryan, if we make it big will you be my boyfriend? has now lead to a four year relationship.

Of course their original bandmates and Brent's replacement were a little skeptical that something like this would get in the way of their careers, but they weren't there that night. The night when Spencer's girlfriend came to visit the recording studio, and he was fucking her in the bathroom. Classy, yes, but for the love and sanity of the whole band, Spencer really needed to get laid.

Oh yea, back to the night when the pact was set. Brendon and Ryan were twiddling around with their guitars daydreaming about becoming famous. Brendon mentioned that even if the band was successful, he still wanted someone he loved and cared about to share it with. Ryan agreed. And as corny and ironic and cliche and all that shit as it sounds: the rest was history.

Right now, though, they were driving to a restaurant on the other side of Vegas. Ryan warned Brendon about the construction, since he drove it every time he wanted to visit his boyfriend. Yes, he had to drive to see his boyfriend. Brendon may fuck his boyfriend three ways into Wednesday, but he had morals. Ok, so maybe his parents didn't approve of him living with someone he wasn't married too. And even though he said 'fuck my parents and their rules' about fifty gazillion times ~~a week~~, he still had his own morals to uphold.

So here they sat. It was 6:30 on a Tuesday night, and they were not only in a construction zone going 40 miles per hour, but also in the middle of rush hour traffic. Ryan was clinching the seat belt at his chest with one hand, the other clinging to the plastic handle above his head. Brendon was singing and swaying to the High School ~~what was it now, 8~~ Musical soundtrack, weaving in and out of traffic.

Ryan knew better than to tell his boyfriend to slow down or be careful or watch out for that car. Especially if he wanted to get blown tonight. So instead he held on until his knuckles went white and silently prayed to St. Christopher to make him safe.

They weren't even fifteen minutes into the what should have been half an hour drive when Brendon got bored. Right, cause singing and dancing and risking lives was not enough entertainment for him.

"Bren, I'm not giving you road head," Ryan stated matter of factly squeezing his eyes shut as Brendon cut off a huge truck.

Sticking out his bottom lip, Brendon stared at his boyfriend for a good ten seconds; he finally turned his attention back to the road, "Fine, but um, let's play that one game, you know with the alphabet and the signs?"

Ryan rolled his eyes, it was like vacations he took with Spencer's family when they were kids, what were they? 8? But then he noticed a sign up ahead and smiled, "Fine! I'll go first," he tapped his lips, "Oh look," he pointed at the sign he had read quite a few times from his daily trek to or from Bren's apartment, "Saving you, one heart beat at a time," he paused, "Las Vegas Hospital," grinning, he opened up the glove compartment and pulled out a gas receipt and a pen, "What is that Bren? Like, 8 A's?" he laughed triumphantly writing down the two passengers names and scribbling an 8 under his own.

Brendon simply shook his head, "Yea, yea, beginners luck," looking around, he sighed, knowing points would get taken off if he missed a B. He pouted, yet again, "Ok, there," nodding to the left, "Starbucks, that's one for me!"

"Oh..." Ryan clapped his hands, "I am so going to beat you!" he did a little happy dance. The happy dance Brendon always did when he killed Ryan in some video game. Bren may know the Wii, but Ryan knows words, and this was finally one game he could win. Oh, but don't even get them started about Scrabble night...

Looking up again, Ryan sighed as he saw a sign, "Left lane closed, merge right," he mumbled, writing down his one point. Brendon laughed at him, grinning with his teeth as Ryan squealed, "NO REALLY BREN, LEFT LANE ENDS!" Brendon just barely merged into the right lane as some car slammed on their brakes and pounded their horn simultaneously.

"Oops," was all Brendon could say as he scanned the signs for a D. "Oh! Road construction, 2 miles ahead! That's what? Two?" Ryan nodded and peered out of the car. Finding just another one point sign.

Four close calls, three friendly finger gestures, two missed letters, and one speeding ticket later, Ryan and Bren were to the letter S. The score was 25-20, Ryan winning. Brendon got lucky with a Hilton Hotel sign that had 5 N's, making the score closer.

Ryan let out a grunt as he saw a Speed Limit sign, not even saying it out loud, but pointing to it and marking down a measly little point. Brendon laughed and pumped his fist, "Internet in every room, Holiday Inn, next exit, turn right, then left," It was evident that Brendon was doing the calculation in his head. He read the sign again, traffic at a stand still and counted, "Shit Ry, that's 8! 8 fucking T's! DAMN!"

Ryan scratched down an 8, huffing he glanced out the window, mumbling, "Fasten seat belts for your safely," and throwing a one on the paper.

"So," Brendon peered over the paper, "What's the score now?"

"27-28, you're lead," Ryan felt defeated. Words. He was supposed to beat Brendon in words!

"Okies!" Brendon clapped, "Look! Wendy's! One more point for me, make that 27 to twennnnnnnty-nine!!" Ryan was able to get another easy point with 'Las Vegas' and somehow, Brendon found a 'Next Exit' sign even though Ryan was trying to distract Brendon from seeing it. This was Ryan's chance to win, Y's are way more popular than Z's and the score was so close. He just had to get lucky.

His eyes scanned the road signs and landed on a billboard, it was green with white letters. Green was his favorite color! He scanned the sign, simply counting the Y's. Five! He counted 5! He looked down! He could win! His mouth dropped, "Five Bren, five! Eat that! You need two points!!" he held up his middle and index fingers to the driver, "Count them two points to beat me! Ha!"

Brendon only shrugged, "Yea, but what does the sign say, Ry?"

Ryan didn't even notice the car slowing down and pulling off the side of the highway when he read the sign, actually read it, not just counting the letters, "I love you Ry, will you marry me? Yes or no?" Ryan clapped, loving the fact that it was in print right there, and he had won, there was no way Bren could find two Z's together. Shit, unless there was like a pizza sign or something.

The fact that they weren't moving stopped Ryan's thoughts. He immediately turned around to see if they were pulled over again, but nothing, just cars whizzing by. Giving Brendon a weird look, he asked, "Dude, why'd we stop?"

Brendon simply pointed to the billboard in front of them. Ryan looked at it again. What was the big...

Ryan stopped, his mouth dropped as he read the sign over and over again until his vision was blurry from the tears. Biting his lip, he heard and felt movement beside him as he turned and looked at his boyfriend, the love of his life. The one he would spend the rest of his days with. Bren sat their, anxious, holding out a ring and gulped, "Ryan, will you marry me?"

Ryan screamed and repeated Yes! until his lungs gave out, bringing Brendon into a huge hug only to be broken by a pounding on a window. He didn't give a fuck, a ticket wouldn't stop him from being the happiest man alive. But it wasn't a cop! It was Spencer and Jon and Pete and Will and Travis and Zach and some more people he couldn't even see as his grin was so big, his eyes were slits.

Jumping out of the car, he ran into the arms of his friends showing off his ring to everyone. They stood on the side of the road, earning honks and cheers from passerby's as Ryan yelled at the top of his lungs to anyone who would listen, "I'M GETTING MARRIED!" After about 100 pictures with Ryan and Brendon and every other combination of people you could think of, Ry and Bren hopped back in the car and headed south again. They got off at the next exit, but the guys didn't follow, "I thought we were doing dinner..." Ryan stated.

"I figured we'd celebrate alone instead, at least for a couple hours," Bren winked.

Ryan ran his fingers through the hair on the back of Brendon's neck, not even worrying about the seatbelt. He scooted closer to his fiance and bit his ear then mumbled, "Only if you can last that long." he teased, nipping Brendon's lobe.

"Hey Ry, look," Brendon smirked as he pointed to a sign Lizzy's Pizza Parlor. I knew what he was getting at, but with this band on my finger, I had already won.

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 23:55:54 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (45/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: PG
Summary: Home sweet Home.
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

This week has been intense. Between working at my dad's office, part-timing and making up hours at the smoothie place, having band practice, and getting Ry's place ready for him, I barely had time to breathe. I didn't feel comfortable staying at Ryan's place, even though it was a closer drive to EVERYWHERE I needed to go, it just didn't feel right. But believe me there were a couple nights that I just wanted to crash here.

Today though, Ryan was finally coming home. The band came over to help Spence and I finish up the room downstairs for Ryan. I had the idea to pull down Ry's bed and make the room almost identical to his room upstairs, kind of like he was still up there and nothing was different. We made sure to set up all his entertainment stuff and find something (removable) to cover most of the windows since it was on the other side of the house.

I smiled, looking over the room, doing some last minute touches as the band filed out, heading to practice and write some music, stating they didn't need me for singing yet. That was a huge relief. Really, I just wanted to snuggle with Ryan, back in my arms again. Maybe watch a movie or play some video games...read a book. I wasn't picky. I just wanted to be near him.

Spencer decided to stick around to greet Ryan, telling the guys he would be there as soon as Ryan was all settled. They asked us to say hello to Ry for them and left. Sighing, I lounged back on the bed, kicking off my shoes. "I bet you're excited to have Ry back in town, huh?" Spencer asked, toying with his shirt.

"You don't even know..."

Mom and Dad stayed at the hotel while we were still in LA. During the day they helped me pack what I was taking home with me. Alex helped too, whenever he didn't have to be working. I spent my remaining days in LA in our apartment, the other guys stopping by when they could, keeping me company if Alex and my parents weren't around. They also helped in smuggling food like pizza and Thai whenever they could. Mom was on a health kick and wanted me eating all natural foods; apparently she thought it would help my leg heal faster. I thought it was disgusting.

My nights were spent in Alex's bed with him. He'd hold me or just lay beside me, and we'd talk and enjoy our time together but pretty much refused to discuss the fact that I was leaving LA. In the end though, Alex had asked for the day off to help me prepare to leave the city and say goodbye. It had been a hard goodbye, even though we both knew we'd see each other again before too long. We couldn't stay away from each other anymore, not after living together, I knew he'd be heading back home before very long so he could see me, and of course I'd be going back to LA as soon as I could.

I said goodbye to the guys and to Alex, and mom and dad drove me home. I slept pretty much the whole way and didn't even know what was going on when they finally pulled in front of our house and got out of the car. I was groggy, only half awake, not realizing we'd actually stopped.

The doctor wanted me in a wheelchair for another week before seeing my home doctor and hopefully getting a pair of crutches. So, due to all that, my dad picked me up and carried me, still half asleep, into the house. I expected him to take me to my room, but instead he headed for his study in the back of the house.

I sat straight up as I heard Ryan's front door opening. That meant RYAN WAS HOME! I was so excited to get to see him again, even though it was just a few days. It was also a relief that it was the weekend again, so I had two days I didn't have to work at the office, and this weekend, I only worked about 10 hours at the smoothie place. Jumping off the bed, I nudged Spencer up too as Ryan's dad carried him into the room.

We were out of his way by the time Ryan was on the bed. Smiling down at him, I ran my hand up his good leg, not really wanting to kiss him in front of his father. I knew his dad wouldn't mind, but I didn't want to be rude, plus Ry just got home from a long drive, he probably needed some space. I kept my eyes on his as his father left the room, Spencer calling after, following him out to ask if he needed help with anything.

Once Ryan and I were alone in the room, I walked over and sat down next to him, running my hand over his face and placing my thumb on his cheek. I leaned down, pressing a kiss to his closed mouth, keeping mine the same, and pulled back, looking around the room, "So, how did we do?" I asked, smiling at our hard work then back at him, "I know this isn't how you wanted the summer to go, but if it's any consolation, I am so happy you are here, and I mean that in the most unselfish way possible."

I smiled up at Brendon once we were left alone and reached over to play gently with his hand. I nodded a little and sighed, just leaning back against the pillows. I looked at my boyfriend in front of me and sighed softly, "I know...this isn't how I wanted to spend this summer. I didn't want to spend it in a bed or in a cast or on crutches...and yeah, I wanted to spend my summer in LA...I wanted to spend it doing the internship."

Sighing, I closed my eyes and shrugged a little. "The only thing I can really do is go along the plan that the label set out for me and work with their sister studio here. I'm not even allowed to do anything with them until I'm on crutches, which isn't until next week. And then I don't even know what I'll be doing because it isn't the label, it’s just a studio. But maybe they'll have me work some shows at the House of Blues or something. I hope so at least because I like working shows."

I bit my lip and looked up at Brendon before shrugging a little. "I don't know...I get to go back to LA at the end of the month, I think. I'll be on crutches then...that’s...two weeks away. Either that or I'm going back at the beginning of August. And then I have to go back at the very end of the internship for whatever ending thing they're doing. And then...then I start back at college...I'd like to think this cast will be long gone by then, but I think that might be wishful thinking."

I shrugged again as my parents brought in my bags as well as the wheelchair that they'd gotten for me from the hospital. It would enable me to move around the downstairs of the house if I needed to, although the doctor didn't really want me wheeling it alone. But there were going to be times I was home alone and would need to get to the bathroom as well as to get food.

"Well, that is good right?" I asked, scooting closer to him on the bed, running my hands through his hair, "I mean, you get to still do stuff with it..." I tried to smile at him. I knew it sucked, hell, if I were in that situation, I would have been devastated. That was why I had to make every moment I had here in this house a great time for him. Making the time he was with me something he looked forward too and made the days pass quicker.

"That'd be cool to work those shows, and you know, if you let me know like a week or something in advance, I would love to go with you, you know as a paying customer, but still, even if I was just in the same venue as you, we could hang out and stuff when you were done, like we did at the Cute show," I grinned, pecking his lips, running my hands down his sides, "How are your ribs feeling, the doc say anything about when you'll be able to get some from your boyfriend?" I teased as Spencer walked into the room.

"Hey man!" he smiled, "Glad to have you back here, I just wanted to make sure everything was cool and settled before I headed to band practice," he walked forward and gave Ryan a hug, shoving me playfully as he pulled back, "Oh, did Bren tell you we get to play like a twenty minute set at Warped this year? Some chick from our school entered us in a competition to the local radio station where they have a tent set up and we get to do a short set, we are stoked!"

I nodded to Spencer, "No, didn't tell him, but he knows now..." I shook my head, wanting to tell him myself, but really, as Ryan being the manager of the band, he deserved to know from the leader of the band, so I just smiled. It was going to be cool. Even though we were playing like five songs, and it was at 1 in the afternoon, still, we got in for free, and we got to go 'backstage'.

"That’s seriously awesome you guys...I hope I can figure out a way to be there to see that. It’s not something I want to miss at all...but I guess it depends on this leg of mine and all." I shrugged again and looked over at Spencer before pouting a little. "You guys are having practice on my day back? And I can't go." My dad shook his head as he put the bags down and turned to leave.

"Ryan, your mother is fixing you something to eat, well, she's fixing all of you something to eat. She'll bring it in as soon as it's ready. Ryan, it's good to have you home, although I wish it weren't in such conditions. I have to go into the office to catch up on some things from this week, I'll be home later tonight. Brendon, I assume you'll be spending the night, so I will see you then. Spencer, it was good to see you again." He nodded and left, and I turned back to the guys.

I reached over and played with Brendon's hand again, just running my fingertips between his fingers as I looked over at Spence and smiled a little. I didn't really want to answer Brendon's question about 'getting some' while Spence was there, although, at the same time, with everything he'd just recently been doing with my best friend it shouldn't bother him at all for me to say it in front of him.

I pulled Brendon's hand to my mouth and kissed it softly before murmuring against his hand. "Three weeks from the accident...so that means another two weeks...but...I still won't be healed fully by then...my ribs will probably still hurt...I'll probably still be sore and all...so we'll have to be careful." I bit my lip and then glanced toward Spence to see if he knew what we were talking about while I gently nibbled on Brendon's finger unconsciously.

Wiggling my brows at Ryan, Spencer shifted his weight from his left to right foot, "Yea, you should be able to come, it's not for two weeks, so you should be ok by then, right? I mean three weeks for the crutches and mobility, huh?" Picking some lint off his shirt, he yawned, pulled out his phone, and checked the time.

"Well, in that case," I winked at Ryan, "I won't be able to go to the Warped Tour, cause in three weeks I can officially make love to my boyfriend, and once that can happen, I don't think I'll be leaving the room but to shower and get some food and take a piss, so you know..." I shrugged at him.

He rolled his eyes, then shook his head, "Dammit, I thought...never mind..." he waved at me, "But speaking of getting it on, how's your wonderful best friend doing? I haven't talked to him since last night, I mean, I was just wondering..."

"What? How often do you two have phone sex? And please say it's not when he was in bed with Ryan, cause that's just rude..." I sighed, acting annoyed.

Spence shoved at me again, my hands flew up in defense, "We don't have phone sex...not everyone's first dates consisted of that!" he dug low, causing me to fake gasp.

"Hey now...if it weren't for my big mouth and horniness, you wouldn't even be asking those questions, so lock it up!" I giggled.

I chuckled and shook my head before pulling Brendon down to lie beside me. I just played with his hand and looked up at Spencer, grinning a little. "Well, I'll be there for Warped then. Even if we have to bring the fucking wheelchair to help me get through the day. And hey, if we're backstage, maybe we can steal someone's bus and you can get some before or after, or both."

I smirked softly and grinned, looking over at Brendon and pulling his lips to mine again, just kissing him softly before turning back to look at Spencer. "Are you going to just stand there or are you going to sit down and join us? You're making my ribs hurt just looking at you Spence."

I chuckled and did my best to sort of reposition myself so I was against Brendon, and he could wrap his arms around me. I was so conscious of my ribs, and I was being extra conscious of them as I moved and pulled Brendon's arm around me, waiting for Spence to settle down on the bed so I could see him.

"As for Lex, he's doing well, or at least was when we left LA. He was pretty depressed I was leaving. He has that apartment all to himself, and he said he'd be lonely and all, but he'll make it through. I'm sure he'll find a way to come home soon to see everyone...." I trailed off for a few moments before smirking and murmuring. "Have you guys actually said you're boyfriends now?"

Wrapping my arms lightly but efficiently around Ryan, I quirked a brow at him, never actually taking the time to discuss him and Alex, especially when the guys were around, because he hadn't really told them yet. Not that he was afraid or anything, it really just never came up. Spencer didn't make an attempt to sit down though.

"Well," he started, "I would love to stay, but we have to get the shit down for the Warped, and we are working on a new song that Bren still needs to do lyrics for, so I have to get going. As far as Alex goes," he let out a long sigh, "That isn't something we have officially discussed, cause you know, we were busy doing other things, and I don't really want to talk about it over the phone, but yea, I hope it's officially boyfriends...we're just gonna talk about it, you know, when he comes back and we fuck or something, we'll make some time to discuss it."

I rolled my eyes, kicking Spencer in the leg, who grabbed it, bending my knee with him as he leaned down to kiss my forehead then did the same to Ryan, saying goodbye and leaving.

Turning, I moved my hand across Ryan's upper chest, tickling the back of his neck, then looked down at his body, "You know, this damn cast is bigger than your entire body! I think the girth of it is bigger than your waist!" I laughed at him, shaking my head, but then pressing my lips to his jaw and up his chin.

I watched Spencer leave and sighed softly. I really did want him to stay. And chances were whenever Alex showed up, he'd be more concerned with me than to simply attack Spencer and get it on with him. Alex would be on the phone with me every night checking to see how I was doing and telling me what I was missing. He'd probably be on the phone with Spence every night too, well, maybe not every night, I wasn't quite sure how that all worked out because I didn't remember him being on the phone with him every night in the last week.

Sighing softly, I turned and captured Brendon's lips with mine, just kissing him softly and slowly before pulling back and murmuring. "I hate this thing. I want it gone and I want it off and I don't ever want to have it again." Frowning, I looked down at my leg and poked at the cast. It was signed by a million people. In the time between Brendon leaving and me leaving LA, all the guys from the internship had written notes and signed it, even the guys from Fall Out Boy and Frank from MCR showed up when they heard, and they signed it too. But I'd saved a spot for Bren to draw on for me, it was only a matter of time before I could get him to actually do it.

I looked back up at him and smiled softly. "But, I do get to see you every day...and dad said you're staying, you are, right? I'd like to spend the night with you...with you here..." I tilted my head up again and kissed him again softly. "I love you and seriously want you here with me tonight."

I turned to hover over him, basically just watching him as his mind ran a thousand miles a minute. He always was a thinker, and he was the type of thinker that actually looked like he was thinking when he was thinking. I always wondered when I saw him like this if you could see his eyes going, or even if you held your ear close enough if you could hear his thoughts. Not that I wanted to invade his privacy, I just wanted to know...

Lowering my head, I pressed my lips to his, moving my tongue to lap at his bottom lip, I pulled it between my teeth lightly sucking on it while my fingers tickled his hair. Moving back I smiled, "Of course I am going to stay, I love you too, and there is no place in the world I would rather be then here," I grinned, forming my lips with his again, "I even packed my sexy vintage Power Rangers pajamas for the occasion," I laughed.

Running my other hand down to his cast, I peered at it to read some of the writing, "I think it's kind of sexy, plus, you know, it pulls more attention to you, so now everyone will be staring at you and ogling over you and loving on you..." I pouted, "Oh wait, that's not a good thing, that's my job!" nodding, I wrapped my arm tighter around him, while the other one snaked up his shirt to simply run my fingers along his skin.

"Oh," I remembered, "I also brought over some movies! I don't remember which ones, I just grabbed a whole bunch, but if you don't mind, I'm kinda worn out, so I'd like to just lay here with you and hold you and watch something."

Nodding a little, I reached up and touched his cheek softly, letting my eyes slip closed as I enjoyed his touch. "That’s fine with me. A little food, some movies and you...I think that’s all I need to be happy for tonight." I held onto him and slowly wrapped my arm around his neck, just holding him there and ignoring everything else until I heard someone come into the room. Looking over his shoulder I saw my mom come in with a tray.

"Oh, I'm sorry boys, I didn't mean to interrupt anything. It’s so sad that Spencer had to leave, but, I have food for the two of you." With that, she placed the tray down on the side of the bed that we weren't laying on. The tray held a few cans of soda, a plate with homemade chicken fingers or bites on it, some dipping sauce, cut up fruit, homemade pizza slices, crackers and cheese and a plate of cookies. Mom was amazing, and I had no idea when she made the chicken fingers or pizza, but I was happy for it all the same.

Smiling at us, she left Bren and I alone with the food and each other. "So, I guess we can eat and watch whatever movies you brought with you..." I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him softly before leaning back against the pillows again and looking around, wondering if there were any more pillows because I wanted another one behind my head and maybe one under my leg. I just wanted to be comfortable, which, with the cast, was damn near impossible no matter how I looked at it.

"I want this cast off...I can't wait until it can come off...I'm not even sure I can remember when that'll be though..." Sighing softly, I shrugged a little and looked up at Bren. "I still can't believe I was in a car accident...I can't...I mean..." Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. "I still can't really remember the whole thing...its still a fog..."

I leaned over and pet his hair, smoothing it out before kissing the spot my fingers had just matted down, "It is hard to believe, I mean, when my friends and coworkers ask about you and I tell them, it's just so surreal. I sometimes block them out not even really listening to them as I imagine what life would be like if you were hurt even worse than you are, or..." I gulped, looking down into his eyes, my own glassing over, "You weren't even here at all..."

Pressing my forehead against his chin, I placed my lips on his neck, nipping at it, I sighed, "I don't want to even think about it, really I don't. And you are here now," I mumbled into his skin, "So no worries, I mean," pulling my head back up I stared into his eyes, "Fuck I love you!" I smiled, pecking him on the lips as I reached over to blindly grab some food.

"And sitting here watching each other eat and watching movies sounds like the greatest thing in the whole wide world to do right now, anything with you..." propping myself up on my elbow, I managed to bring a piece of cheese pizza over to my mouth, I bit off a bite, sort of animalistic, then placed the other half to Ryan's lips.

"Or, better yet, we could feed each other in bed, you know, act like we are laying out on a starlit beach somewhere...the waves washing up the shore, you and me on a blanket, feeding each other, sharing kisses and soft touches," I finished the sentence, doing the things I mentioned, my fingers trailing up his chest.

Smiling, I took the piece of pizza into my mouth and ate it, keeping my eyes up and on Brendon. "Mmm...that sounds perfect Bren..but movies are good...I'm kinda tired too, even though I pretty much slept the whole way home from LA...but still...I just wanna be lazy...not that I can do much even if I wanted to because of this cast..."

Tilting my head slightly, I kissed him softly, slowly slipping my hand up and along his arm and keeping my lips just lightly against his, letting the kiss linger and last but stay pretty light. Those were the things I missed when I wasn't with him, the kisses, the softness, the tenderness. Not that Alex wouldn't kiss me or be tender and soft with me, but there was something about it being Bren, and I think that something was mostly the fact that he was my boyfriend and I loved him and he loved me. Course, Alex was my best friend and he loved me and I love him too, but there was a difference there and it showed in the type of kisses he and I would share, they were vastly different from those I'd share with Bren.

After a few moments I pulled back again and looked up at him with a smile. "Why don't you go find us some movies to watch, and maybe another couple of pillows so we're all comfy...I'll...well...I'll sit here and wait and eat some chicken while I wait."

Grinning, I shrugged a little before reaching over and getting one of the chicken fingers and popping it in my mouth. Mom knew just how much I loved those, and I was so glad it was the first thing I got to eat after getting home. Her homemade ones were so far better than anything you got in a restaurant. Mom never bought anything but the best when it came to food, but also because mom knew what she was doing when she made them, she was a good cook. I just wished Bren ate meat so he could try them.

I nodded as I kissed him on the lips, then the nose, "Ok, I'll go see what I can find," I smiled, walking towards the door, glancing back to smile at him over my shoulders then making my way back to his bed to kiss him again. This time I lingered longer, tasting the chicken on his lips, "You know, if meat tasted as good as it did on your lips..." I pulled back and winked, this time leaving the room for good.

Wandering into the kitchen, I smiled and waved at Ryan's parents. Thanking them for the pizza and allowing me to spend the night, I told them how happy I was they made it safely and to have Ryan back here again. They agreed and I announced that I was off to get some things before Ry and I were going to have a night of the movies.

I sighed as I walked upstairs to Ryan's room, grabbing every pillow I could find, then sifting through his movies. I was slightly tired so I grabbed a scary movie, a comedy and Queer as Folk. Then I went through my bag to get out a scary movie I purchased for him, and a couple Disney movies I brought.

Walking back down the stairs, I smiled at him as he nibbled on the chicken, eyes just glancing around the room. I cleared my throat and made a kissy face towards him before throwing the pillows down to share the movies, "Ok, so I've got Queer as Folk, Bambi, Aladdin, Joyride, Saw," I visibly shuddered, "And here is Cabin Fever, it's a scary movie, supposedly, but it has that cute boy, Rider Strong in it, I used to have the biggest crush on him when I watched reruns on the family channel, you know he's like 26 or something now?"

While Brendon went off to get the things we'd need for the night, I stayed relaxed, munching on my chicken and just enjoying how it tasted. I had missed homemade food. Alex and I would cook occasionally while in LA, but we didn't cook much and no matter what we did cook, it never came out like mom's. It never tasted quite as good, so we didn't do it often. Instead we would order food or go out for dinner, so having mom's homemade food was like a god-send.

I finished off another three pieces of chicken, since they were small, before Brendon walked back into the room with the pillows and movies. I grinned up at him and grabbed a few of the pillows when he tossed them down onto the bed. I put a few behind me and the body pillow under my leg to cushion it because something about it just didn't feel right. There were still a few more pillows for him so I wasn't worried about hogging them all, besides, I knew he'd be pressed up on me and using my pillows anyway.

Opening one of the sodas I got myself situated before he listed off all the movies he had for me to choose from. I shrugged a little and looked up at him. "Well...Why don't we save Queer as Folk for a little later and watch something else first? I'm not really in the mood for a really scary movie right now...and not really for a cartoon, so that means what, Joyride?" I raised my eyebrows at him and smiled. "Sound good for our first movie?"

I reached over and took another piece of chicken before offering him my can of soda to take a drink from it if he wanted. Mom had brought enough sodas for us both for the evening, and it was unlikely we'd need to restock while we watched movies. Although, I would possibly have to send Bren to raid the freezer for ice cream.

"OK! Joyride it is, but this is kinda scary," I shrugged, "But I've seen it enough that I only jump like ten times throughout," I grinned at him, then turned to get the movie ready. I fiddled around with the entertainment stuff, realizing that Steve had not set it up right. I sighed, putting my hand on the hip, cursing at it lightly. Turning back around, I walked over, threw my hands in the air then took the drink he offered me.

I chugged it a little then burped, excusing myself before shaking my head, "I can fix it, no problem, and no worries," I added a head nod before going back over to the tv. I grabbed the cords and tried to correct them right before peering over my shoulder, "Don't eat just chicken silly boy," I winked, "How about some fruit too?" I teased to him, "We don't want you to get all pudgy and unhealthy while that leg is out..."

Laughing at myself, I figured it out, clapping in excitement then walked over to him, "Although, you would look really sexy no matter what!" I nodded again, crawling into the bed next to him. I ran my fingers along his hipbone, "It would give me more to bite, and caress, and to hold onto when you're riding me," I smirked, "Or better yet, when you are making love to me..."

Reaching over, I grabbed some pizza, biting into it and moaning, "This pizza is amazing! Your mom should like, write a cook book or something," I smiled, placing a messy kiss on his cheek, only to finish the food that was in my mouth then lick the sauce off of him.

I chuckled as I watched him and shook my head. He was adorable and sweet, and I couldn't help but watch him. I was glad once he got it all set up, and the movie started and especially once he had climbed into bed with me, or onto the bed with me. "I don't wanna get fat though Bren. And I'm not gonna. Even being in this cast, I'm not gonna get fat, even if you want more to hold onto or whatever..." I shrugged a little and grabbed a piece of fruit. I liked fruit, it wasn't just because he said something.

"I've never seen this movie before...so...I dunno, we don't have to...but we can...I dunno, as long as you're here and as long as you're holding me...I really couldn't care what else was going on." I smiled at him and leaned over to kiss him softly. "But as far as the food goes...mom has some secrets she won't ever share with the world. She'll probably share them with me, but not with the world, so don't even think that. You'll just have to enjoy it when you come and visit."

Chuckling, I pressed a little closer to him and pulled his arm around me. "Mom'll cook for you anytime though." I played with his fingers a little as I looked over at the tv. "She'll probably cook for me and bring food to me when I'm back at school and living on my own there. And we both know you'll be there pretty much every night, so you'll get mom's delicious cooking. But yeah, her pizza is amazing, not as amazing as her chicken though, which is her specialty."

I tilted my head up and ran my nose along his jaw. I missed LA. It hit me suddenly and I couldn't help it. I missed LA, but seriously, I loved being with Brendon. Now if there was a way to combine both and not be wearing the cast, my life would have been perfect.

Taking a piece of fruit, I held it to Ryan's lips letting him eat it. Once I freed my hands, I licked my own lips, tasting him on them. Shit, I loved the taste of him. I loved everything about him. I really just loved him. I smiled at myself then him as I leaned over to kiss his cheek while he chewed. Glancing towards the tv, I watched it start as I grabbed his arm, putting it under my neck for a pillow and support as I gently laid my head on his side, just taking him in.

My fingers tickled down his sides as I rubbed my foot up his right leg, again, enjoying the feeling of him here and with me. I pitied him, really, because he was going to be stuck for the next few weeks, I mean, even with the crutches, he'd still be stuck to lie in a bed at night when he sleeps. I did, though, plan to be here with him as much as possible, so at least he wasn't stuck alone.

"I will, you know, be over at your place a lot, eat all the food your mom will cook me," I nuzzled my nose into his tshirt, peeking at the tv, "This is a really good movie though, and," I pointed to the screen, "As you can see, it has sexy Paul Walker in it, so, you can't go wrong there!" I grinned noticing the distance in his eyes. I could tell he was thinking.

Running my hand down his chin until he looked at me, "You miss it don't you? I mean, LA, the lifestyle, Alex, the music..." I knew what the answer would be, "Is there anything I can do to make it real for you here?"

My eyes focused on Brendon's, and I just looked at his face, the face of my boyfriend, the face of the one I loved. I knew I shouldn't miss what I didn't have anymore, but I couldn't help it. Yeah, I missed Alex and the life and LA. I missed knowing that I'd be working a show or going into the studio with a band that I could only dream of getting to interact with. I missed all of that and I just honestly couldn't help it. I didn't want Bren to think I wasn't happy with him though. I didn't want him to think I wanted LA more than I wanted him. In some ways I wanted them equally. In others I wanted him more.

"Yeah...I miss it. I can't help it. It’s what Alex and I dreamed of for so long. For it to suddenly be taken away from me when I had it...and for Alex to still be there...yeah...I miss it. I miss the apartment. I miss the city and the walk to the studio. Not that I could walk if I even wanted to, but...I miss it. And I'm jealous that Alex still has it and I don't. I mean, yeah, they're setting something up for me here, but it isn't the same. I'm not with all the guys in the apartment building. I'm not with Alex. I'm not in the studio I know now. I'm in Vegas and everything’s different from LA."

I shook my head a little and looked over at the tv. "I don't know if there’s anything you can do Bren. I think, in the end, I just have to get used to being home again. I'd go through this at the end of the internship anyway I guess. I think it’s just harder because of the circumstances of it...and the fact that Lex still is there doing it...I dunno. I just...I'm not sure. I'll be fine I think...just gotta get used to all of this I think."

I bit my lip a before tilting my head up a little and kissing him softly. "I'll be fine. It is home after all and I never had a problem with it before now. I'll get used to it. Don't worry, Bren, I'll be fine." I smiled and kissed him again before sighing softly. "I just wish the cast were off so I could snuggle with you properly."

I smiled as I leaned in and kissed him, "I know. I mean, I don't know, nor do I remotely know how you feel, but, um, just know that I care about you a whole hell of a lot and I will do anything and everything to help you cope with it. I mean, not make you forget it or anything, but like, I have my room, a guest room, and my sister is working at a camp this summer, so if the guys want to come and visit, my parents would be cool with boarding them up so all they have to pay for is gas..."

"And, um, if I am ever off work for like two days straight, I would love to take a road trip with you to LA to visit and see what's up. And, let's see," I tapped my mouth, "You can come to our band practice, and we'll play covers of bands you worked with. And I'll make Spencer wear tight tight pants, and eyeliner and even a shirt with a bat on it..." I bit my lip, "And Steve looks cute in his glasses, I'm sure we can get him in a hat and dance and kick while he sings like Trick..."

"OH! and James SO played the guitar on his back the other day, like on the ground like Frank, so we can make it happen, it'll be fun!" I clapped my hands, grabbing some fruit and popping it in my mouth before doing the same to him, "The guys will love it! It will be nice down time while we are practicing hard core for the warped! Oh, I'm so excited, so, like Sunday, can I pick you up and take you over to practice, hell, I could get a wagon and we could make a day event, I'll come pick you up after service, we'll pack a lunch, and I'll walk you over to Spence's It's only like ten blocks, right?"

Yikes, I was getting extremely hyper. I wasn't sure if it was due to the lack of sleep, the ideas I was passing around in my head, or the fact that Ryan was actually sitting right here in front of me. Either way, I was so happy!

Reaching up, I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him, almost hard, before pulling back and murmuring. "Bren...you guys don't have to do all of that, you really really don't...but thank you so much for even offering. Maybe I can talk to the label and see if they could sponsor a 'field trip' of some of the interns up here to the studio I'll be working with so they can taste another studio and see how it is done there...maybe it'll all work out somehow...but thank you."

My lips twisted and my voice dropped. "Spence in tight-tight pants and eyeliner huh? I think that I'd like to actually see, so I'm behind that one for sure." I chuckled softly and closed my eyes, just letting my fingers touch whatever parts of Bren were readily accessible to them. "Everything else...well, you don't have to take it too far. Really." I opened my eyes again and looked up at him. "I’m gonna be fine here. It is home after all."

Tilting my head up again, I kissed him softly. "I love you Bren. I love you for even suggesting all of that. I'm so lucky that you're mine..." I licked my lips and bit the bottom one gently as I looked at my amazing boyfriend in front of me. I really was lucky. I'd be even luckier if I didn't have the cast taking up my leg and being like two of me in addition to me.

I turned my attention back to the tv, realizing I'd already missed the beginning, and we were doing our normal not watching the movie. It didn't bother me that much, I was pretty sure neither of us would make it through all the movies that he brought with him anyway. Shifting a little, I sat up and took another sip from my soda before handing it over to Bren. "But, yeah, I'll go to practice on Sunday. I think it'd be fun."

"No thanks, I think I've had enough caffeine for an entire week," I smiled, taking the drink and setting next to me before picking up another piece of fruit, "There is a reason why I work at a fruit smoothie place and not like McDonalds or like some place that sells a ton of soda," I winked at him.

I sighed, stretching a little as I pulled him closer to me, "I love you too Ry," I whispered, but knew he heard me. I was correct in saying that the hyperness was just a spell as I nuzzled into him more, paying slight attention to the movie, but more to the wrinkles in his shirt, "Yea, Spence has been experimenting with different size pants lately," I laughed, which turned into a yawn. My fingers continued until they involuntarily slowed and rested it on a spot right below his nipple, my thumb began to graze it.

Glancing over at the clock, I shook my head, "Shit, it's not even 9 o'clock and I'm already wore out, maybe if I just take a short nap and we can watch something..." I didn't even finish the sentence when I curled into him more, my eyes blindly focused on the screen, knowing it was Paul Walker and Steve Zahn, but not really knowing what they were doing.

I let my body relax against his as I listened to his heart beating, the DVD filtering in the background, "Just a quick nap..." I repeated as I pressed my lips to the only skin I could reach, not even bothering to open my eyes and see what it was.

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 02:00:20 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (43/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: R
Summary: Back in the hospital bed.
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

I was so bored out of my mind. Me, Alex and Spencer, were on the way back to the hospital, and there was a wreck on the interstate, two exits before the hospital. And, well, none of us knew the back roads, so we decided to stay on. Luckily, I found a piece of paper, some pens and a highlighter to entertain myself. And I was successful in avoiding any conversation with Alex and Spencer, because I didn't know what to say...

Luckily the traffic cleared, and we were on our way again. Once we pulled into the parking lot, I whined that I had to take a piss, so Spencer, being stupid and naive let me out. I all but ran inside and to the elevator, making my way up to Ryan's room. I tapped my foot in the elevator; I knew I should have taken the stairs. Seriously, someone was getting off on every floor!

Once my floor opened, I picked up the speed and ran into Ryan's room. Seeing that he was awake, I ran over to him, not even caring if there was anyone else in the room. Approaching him, I was gasping and out of breath from running, "Spen...ex...ton...bum....ed..." I tried to control my breathing, but failed, miserably, so I decided to do hand gestures instead, "Spen...n...lex....sex...." using my two index fingers to put them together, holding one finger up for Spencer, the other for Alex. I just hoped he caught on.

I had woken up after a very good and long sleep to find the room completely empty. I curled up the best that I could, turned on the TV loud enough so I could hear but not loud enough to really keep me awake if I wanted to fall back asleep. I had only been awake about three minutes before the nurse came in to check up on me. She looked over me, gave me some meds and then left. Not even five minutes after she left, Brendon busted in, flustered, breathing heavy, sputtering, and making hand gestures.

A smile was on my lips as I watched him try to tell me what he had to tell me, but it wasn't all that obvious. I kind of got something along the lines of Spencer and Alex had done something that had to do with sex. I couldn't imagine that they'd actually had sex though because honestly, we'd left them alone for a few hours and suddenly they were fucking? I kind of doubted it.

Chuckling softly, I reached up and put my hand onto his and pulled him to sit on the side of the bed. "Calm down, Bren. I can't exactly figure that out. Are you saying that Spencer and Alex had sex? Really? I mean...um....wow?" Then suddenly I decided to pout because I didn't even get a kiss because of something to do with Spencer, Lex, and Sex.

I took the time he spent deciphering to regain composure and get my heart rate back to normal. Spence and Alex hadn't come in yet, hell, they were probably making out in the car... But, even so, I wanted to get it out before they got here. They didn't say anything against me letting it leak, and I was sure they were aware that I would tell Ryan. Hell, this was the news of the century. I knew Ryan would be excited over it; he brought the two of them up often enough.

Following his instructions, I looked at him and nodded, I was sure I looked like a little kid who was tattling on someone, but I didn't care. This was huge! I mean, our best friends were, what, together, I didn’t know, but still. Finally getting the chance, I looked around as he talked, luckily, we were the only ones in the room and I didn't make a fool of myself but to the one I loved.

I looked at him as I gulped, swallowing a little amount of air to clear my head, "I walked in on Spencer and Alex..." my eyes got big, "And, and, Alex definitely had his tongue, in Spencer...and not the mouth or the ear or the belly button...but another popular hole...." nodding continuously, I placed my hand on his thigh, right above the cast and rubbed it lightly, "But, I wanted to tell you before they got here..."

"No shit!? Really?" I looked up at Brendon and then laughed, letting my head fall back against the pillow. "Well, I guess it’s about damn time for them to finally give in to the fact that they've wanted to strip each other naked and just go at it for a while now..." I smirked a little and snuggled more into my pillow. "Was that all they were doing? Lex rimming Spence?"

Moments after I got that out, an orderly came in with my tray of repulsive food. I'd forgotten that it was already dinnertime. I looked at the tray that he put down before looking back at Brendon. "And where is my kiss? Is their sex life more important than loving on the invalid who is stuck in the hospital and can't leave until the doctors decide that he can? Cuz that'll seriously hurt my feelings if it is." I gave my best puppy dog eyes at him and pouted dramatically. I had thought the original pout would have worked on him, but I seemed to have been a little wrong.

I wanted to be in my own clothes, but I realized I was going to have problems with pants with the cast in the way. It was too big to fit into most of my pants, which meant no jeans unless they were going to cut them. Then it hit me, my jeans that I'd been wearing during the accident were probably destroyed. In that moment all of what I'd gone through hit me like a ton of bricks, all because of my favorite pair of jeans, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks and I stared at my cast.

"Definitely rimming," I smiled as I looked over at his food, poking it with the plastic fork they had supplied, "And ew, you are not eating this shit...we might have to make another fast food run, I am starving myself!" I grinned as I looked down at him. My heart literally broke as I saw him crying. I hoped it wasn't because I didn't give him a kiss, cause really, I was just preoccupied with thoughts and that didn't mean that I didn't love him, and...

"Babe," I moved over to him, pushing his food out of the way, then as gently as I could, I crawled up next to him, luckily the bed was a little big, and I was on his good side. Once I was situated, I looked over at him, kissing his forehead before I pushed his hair out of the way, "Fuck, Ry, I'm sorry..." I kissed his cheek and the trail of tears, "Please, forgive me, and tell me what is wrong, Babe..."

Wrapping my arm loosely around his waist, I used the other to pull his neck to me, without hurting him. I wasn't being overly gentle with him, because I knew he didn't want to be treated like a child, but more slow and passionate, if that were possible. Leaning in to kiss his eyes, his reflexes closed them as I kissed the right lid then the left, followed by his nose, and then his mouth. Just placing my lips there, I applied a little pressure before unpuckering mine with a soft sound, "I love you Ryan, talk to me..."

I shook my head a little and moved closer to him, just nestling my face in against him and letting myself cry. So yeah, I didn't really want to be crying, but I knew that if I tried to hold it in that it would make things worse for me. I remembered hearing something about when trauma happened in your life to just let everything go and go with the feelings that were there, that meant crying if you needed to cry, screaming if you needed to scream, laughing if you needed to laugh, and punching a punching bag if you needed to hit something. So, I went with it and just cried into Brendon's shoulder.

After a little while I'd calmed down a little bit and murmured softly. "My jeans...I was wearing my favorite jeans...they're...they're probably destroyed....And...I...I don't have pants to fit over this fucking cast...and...shit...the car! What happened to the car? How'm I gonna pay for it?"

I started crying again after getting that out because I really had no idea how I was going to afford to pay for the car that I must have totaled. Okay, my parents had a lot of money, but that didn't mean they were going to pay for my fuckup. And what about clothes?! I didn't want to be in the horrible hospital gown as long as I was in the cast. Sure, I could wear boxers, maybe, if I could get them over the cast. And that brought up the realization that I probably wasn't going to be able to dress myself without help. All in all I just figured I was fucked.

Kissing his head, I moved my arms around him more, rocking him lightly as I continued to place kisses on him, "Let it out," I mumbled against him. I knew there was a time he had to break down. A time that the reality settled in. And I was more than glad to be there to help him through it. Running my hand along his back, I slipped it into the opening of his gown, relishing in the feeling of his warm skin.

After kissing him again, I decided to try to answer his questions, "Ry, Babe, it, the wreck, it wasn't your fault. And I am sure the other person, who was to blame has the insurance for that. And, and the car you had, I'm sure it was insured by the studio, and they can take care of that..." I kissed his head again, "I mean, if you were being reckless, then no, but Babe, you weren't, it was a complete accident..."

I sighed into him, hoping I was saying the right thing, "And well, as for the clothes...you could always walk around naked for a while, I wouldn't mind that..." I smirked. It probably wasn't the greatest thing to try to lighten the situation, but really, who could resist Ryan naked? I for one knew I couldn't, "But, Ry, that just means we get to go on a shopping spree, and get you more clothes, it will all work out, but Babe," I tilted his chin up to look at me, "The only thing that matters is that you are alive and safe and healthy despite the criticalness of it. I know it doesn't mean much now, but all that other stuff, it will work out. And you know you are surrounded by so many people that love you and care about you."

I nodded a little and curled in against him a little bit more, sighing softly. "I know, Bren, I know you guys love me and care about me and all...it just...it scares me...." I pouted a little and reached up and rubbed at my eyes, wiping away the tears as I looked up at him. "All of this scares me...what...what if I'd died Bren? What if I was still in the coma? What if I never woke up?" I bit my lip and shrugged a little before closing my eyes. "It isn't just about the clothes...but...that just...made it hit me..."

I knew I wasn't really making sense, but that didn't really matter to me all that much right then. I knew he pretty much understood, and that was all I really needed. I stayed pressed against him and wished, not for the first time, that I had real clothes to be wearing. Yeah, it was nice to have Bren touching my skin, but I wanted to be in real clothes, including my favorite hoodie of Alex's. I was feeling cold, even though it was warm in the hospital. The gown just wasn't enough and I really just wanted to hide my arms and everything because they were bruised and everything.

Alex and Spence walked in and just looking at them I could tell there was a huge difference in them. "So, whose idea was it to instruct Spence in the art of rimming?"

Wow. That was a confession and a half, followed by a complete turn around. I was guessing that he didn't want them to see him tore up like he was, not that they cared or blamed him for that matter. I kissed his forehead, then moved to his ear, "I love you Ryan, and all that matters is that you are ok, and we all love you..." I managed to get out before turning to Spencer and Alex, waiting for them to answer the question.

Spencer looked over at Alex and smirked. So, they were kind of cute together, ok, fucking adorable, but really, since when? "No, the real questions is when did you come out?" I raised my eyebrow at Spence, he had to know I was joking, in a sense, but still, last time we talked, he was still confused.

Blushing, Spencer wrapped his arm around Alex's waist as he slapped my foot, "Shut it, fucker," he narrowed his eyes at me, then smirked, "I knew for a while," he looked at Alex, smiling, "I just wasn't ready to announce it to the world..." grinning at him, he then looked at Ryan before glancing towards the ceiling, "And, well, it was mine...and," he pointed to Ryan, "I blame you too, and your subliminal and straight out messages of how good Alex is. But," he shrugged, "I knew I trusted you for some reason," he smiled. Ok, that was what, the 34583247582903 time that Spencer had smiled since he entered the room, I mean really, "Enough about us, though, how are you feeling?"

Sure, he SO wasn't going to get away that easy

I looked over at Alex and he looked just as laid back and normal as he always was, even with Spence's arm around his waist. I quirked my eyebrow at him a little but he just gave me a little shrug. He touched Spence's hand and then moved out of his reach and over to me, leaning over and kissing my forehead. He was about to pull away when I grabbed onto him and looked up into his eyes, just looking hard into them. He looked right back into mine and it was like a silent conversation. I just wanted to figure out for sure what was going on with him and Spence and what his intentions were, his eyes always told me the truth, he couldn't hide from me.

I let him go after a moment and leaned back in against Brendon and looked back at Spencer. "I'm okay...still sore...absolutely fucking freezing, but these stupid hospital gowns don't do anything for warmth anyway, so that should be expected...but okay. What about you? Walking at all awkward? Enjoyed the magic of Alex's tongue and piercing? Hoping we'll let you go back and play more?"

I shivered a little and reached for the blanket, pulling it up over my arms. I had goosebumps and I felt like my fingertips had to be blue. I was really wishing I had asked Alex to bring the hoodie back with him. He had to know where it was in the apartment and I wanted it to keep warm. I looked back at Spencer and smirked a little. "So?"

Smiling between all of them, I watched Spencer blush, almost the whole time, seriously if he was going to do this, he had to get over it. This step was just the beginning... Shaking my head at him, I ran my fingers more up Ryan's back as he put the blanket around him. Helping him, I made sure he was covered when I looked over to Spencer, "Hey, before you answer that, can you go over there and grab Ryan something that you guys brought earlier?"

Spencer nodded before going over and pulling out at hoodie for Ryan. Opening it, he handed it to him, which Ryan accepted, "That should keep you warm," Spencer gave a genuine smile, followed by biting his lip and looking over to Alex, "No, I mean, no, we had to get going, I mean, cause Bren and I are leaving tonight in all to get back to Vegas, but yea, so I knew it had to end, and it was, um," he winked at Alex, "Perfect..."

I kicked Spencer's leg and smirked at him, we held eye contact before I looked over at Ryan, "You think that sweatshirt will help you keep warm? Oh," I nodded to Alex, "And should we go grab something to eat? I'm starving, that shit they brought for Ryan is nasty, what time are the guys coming over?" I asked a whole slew of questions all the while leaning and taking in Ryan's scent. Even in the hospital, he smelled amazing.

Alex sat down on the bed at my feet and just kind of lounged a little. He was staying close to me, he probably felt guilty for getting it on with Spencer while I was at the hospital. He was just like that, it was part of why I loved him so much. He had a tendency to put me before most of the rest of the world. It made me sad that people just didn't understand it. He was just the best friend the world could have ever created.

"Thanks Spence. But you didn't answer my questions...I asked if you're walking awkward and enjoyed the magic of his tongue and piercing. I also asked if you were hoping we'd let you go have more fun. I pretty much expect answers since I'm now an invalid and can't be all up on it myself. I have to live vicariously. So please...do tell the whole story of how you ended up with my best friend's tongue inside you."

I snuggled into the hoodie, it was the one I had been thinking I should have asked Alex to bring with him. See, he knew me so well and thought about me and what I'd need. How much of a better friend could you get? It felt so good to have the hoodie on and I pulled the sleeves over my hands and leaned my head against Brendon. Alex leaned forward to the food tray and started rummaging around on it. He was being rather quiet and I wondered what was going on in his mind that he wasn't talking much. He grabbed one of the cubes of Jello, glanced at Spencer, and very slowly sucked it in, causing me to smirk at his suggestiveness.

Spencer placed his hands on his hips, looking at me, then Ryan and rolling his eyes, "I answered your questions!"

I shook my head, "Nope, he wanted to know if you liked it," I turned to Ryan, "Oh, and he thought you were loud..." I winked as Spencer slapped my leg, forcing my reflexes to kick him, in which he grabbed my leg and twisted it. I winced as he finally spoke up.

"What do you want to know?" he titled his head at Ryan, "That is was amazing? Prolly the best sexual experience I ever had," he nodded matter of factly with his hands over his chest, "And I loved the feel of his mouth and tongue and piercings on me, and can't wait to have his pretty cock in my ass," my mouth dropped and he looked at me, "That's right," he winked, "I'll get it before you..."

I gasped, "DUDE I CAN'T HELP IT MY BOYFRIEND IS A GIMP!" I shouted before refraining, oops... I looked over at Ryan and melted in his ~~hurt?~~ eyes, "I mean," I glanced back over to Spencer, "It's not about when Spencer," I pulled Ryan closer to me, "I love Ryan and he loves me, and if he and I don't have sex until this cast off, then I am fine with that. All that matters is that he is ok," I shrugged, 'Plus, I have my hand, I will prolly get carpal tunnel, but that's life..." I gave Ryan my best smile, hoping he didn't take it the wrong way, and accepted my small apology.

Frowning, I looked over at Brendon when he called me a gimp and kind of pulled away from him a little bit. I looked at the other three and frowned again. I pulled away and burrowed myself down into the bed, pulling the blanket and the hoodie close and tight to me. "If this is how and where this conversation is going to go, then please get out of my hospital room and leave me alone." I closed my eyes and shifted slightly onto my side, wincing as it put pressure onto my ribs.

Alex ran his hand up my good leg a little and moved up to my side. "Ry? Are you okay?"

"Go away Alex...go have sex with Spencer or something...just...go away..."

I could hear him bite on his lip ring and I knew he was worried. I never pushed people away vocally, I did it with circumstances. Like that time of the huge fight with Brendon where I just pulled away from Alex and basically ignored him. I never actually told him to go away. I never told anyone to. It just wasn't like me.

I felt fingers in my hair and I knew it was Alex as I felt the bed shift and him move down next to me. "No, babe, we're not going to go. I'm not going to go have sex with Spence. I'm not going away. I'm gonna stay right here right now. And I'm gonna not talk about sex for a little bit if it upsets you. But c'mon, don't be thinking you can't have sex while you're in a cast. It can be done and we can figure out positions and ways that won't hurt you and will be comfy and will allow for you to still have sex so it isn't like you're hearing about me getting some and you're not. But I'll shut up about sex now. How about, instead, I tell you that you're beautiful and that I'm going to buy you the most expensive and best eyeliner that they make?"

I let my head fall back after giving Spencer a death glare. What the fuck. Why did I always get myself into these fucking situations? It was bullshit. Really, it was. I was kidding, fucking kidding, fuck. I let out a long sigh, and sure, Alex was going to help Ryan with our sex life, like we weren't capable enough to do that ourselves. That was bullshit too. Gritting my teeth, I didn't know what to do. I mean, really, couldn't he take a joke. He knew I joked a lot, especially with Spencer, and it was a fucking joke for Christ’s sake.

It took everything inside of me not to just get off the bed and go. You know what, maybe I should just do that. Leave, and let Ryan and Alex figure out our sex life. Let Alex baby Ryan and take care of him. Let Alex keep him here in LA and seclude him from everything else. Fucking let Alex just...take him and my best friend away.

Great, now the whole Ryan feeling sorry for himself was rubbing off on me. And I hated that. I didn't come here to feel sorry for Ryan, I came here to show my support. And this was what I got. It hurt, it really did. And I was not trying to be selfish, I just, I hated fighting and I hated arguments, and I hated that Ryan took everything I said so fucking literal at times. Dammit, I understood that he was in an accident, but what about last weekend? It was getting all too much at times. I mean, I loved him, right... sometimes I wasn't so sure.

I sat up from the bed, looking at Spencer, "Well, yea, I guess we should get heading back then..."

I nodded a little and felt Alex place a kiss against my forehead before he looked over at Brendon and Spencer. It was weird how sometimes I just knew him so well that I knew what he was doing without even looking. I knew he didn't want them to leave. I could tell. But I knew he didn't want Spencer to leave more than he didn't want Brendon to leave. It just sucked though that I had to have a blaring reminder that I couldn't have normal life at that moment. I had a broken leg. A fucking broken leg, and it upset me. It upset me that Spence and Alex could have sex and I couldn't imagine having fun sex with that huge thing on my leg. It upset me that Bren saw me as a gimp. It upset me that I was jealous of Alex's newfound relationship with Spence. And then Brendon decided it was time to leave. I just wanted to curl up and cry again.

Alex's fingers went through my hair as I felt him sit up. "Do you guys have to leave right now?" I could tell by the tone of his voice he was talking mostly to Spence. It was a tone he rarely used and usually only with me. But things were different with me and with Spence. Spence was now his lover...wow...Alex with a lover, that was something I'd never thought would actually happen, not a real lover like me and Bren.

There was something plaintive about his voice, but there was also something that was dripping with sexuality as well. He was suggesting to Spence that if he stayed, he'd get laid. It actually made me smile for a moment before remembered that I wouldn't be getting laid for a long time with the stupid cast on my leg. Then I pouted.

I wasn't sure why, but at the moment, chills ran up and down my spine as tears came to my eyes. I hated this feeling, I really did. I rarely got it, but for some reason, I got it a lot these past few months with Ryan, so maybe that was love. The fact that you loved something and cared about someone so much that any word or action can trigger such an intense physical response. Sometimes I didn't know how to handle it.

Looking over at Spence, I bit my lip and swallowed. I was so torn. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to stay and work whatever was between Ry and I out, and the other part wanted to run and curl up in a ball and vanish. Gulping again, I kept my eyes away from Ryan, I just, fuck, didn't know what to do with the situation. Really I didn't.

"Well," I could hear Spencer's voice directed at me, "I'm hungry, so Bren and I can go get us some food from the 'people' side of the cafeteria, and we can talk it over, and see when we come back," I looked up at him, and he shrugged, "I mean, I really don't want to go, but Bren has to work tomorrow, and so, maybe we'll step outside and talk to his parents, and decide from there. Is that ok Bren?" he asked me as he held onto my elbow.

I simply nodded.

I felt myself getting really sleepy all of a sudden and knew that the drugs the doctor had given me before Brendon arrived were kicking in. I didn't want to fall asleep though. I didn't want to fall asleep and wake up to find myself alone in a hospital bed, in a hospital room, and not have them there. I was afraid if I fell asleep that Brendon and Spencer would be gone and heading home before I woke up. I struggled to try and open my eyes and keep them open as I finally felt warm in the bed for the first time since I'd woken up.

Alex moved and I felt him moving away from me. It almost made me panic for a moment as I tried to struggle to hold onto being awake. I felt like something was wrong and it caused a sense of panic in my mind.

"I'd really rather you didn't leave...and we both know Ry feels the same, right Ry?"

I could hear his voice, hear his words, they vaguely made sense, and I struggled to try and respond, but I wasn't even sure if my mouth was moving. I felt like I was just laying there like a vegetable. Stupid drugs. They were great for pain, but they seemed to knock me on my ass in moments and I felt like I was slowly sliding off a cliff. I didn't want to fall asleep. I wanted to agree with Alex. I wanted to tell them to stay but not to talk about sex. I wanted to tell them that I wanted Thai food. I wanted to tell them to bring my comfy pajama pants. I wanted to tell them I wanted my own pillow from my bed.

Later

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 13:50:58 GMT

Title: This is Bullshit (41/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ryan's awake
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.

Author's Note: In case you missed it and are interested, we wrote a side story of Rylex before Brendon arrived in Ryan's life, you can find it HERE if you'd like to read it before this chapter as there are illusions to what happened in the side story in an upcoming chapter.

I smiled slightly over at Alex and Spence and raised my free hand to my mouth, telling them to be quiet. "Hey...don't wake him, okay?" I looked down at Brendon and brought my hand back. My whole body just ached. My head felt like it had been split open with an axe. My body felt like it had been put through a grinder.

Alex came rushing over to me and I held up a hand a little to hold him back from crushing me. I knew his strength better than he did. He liked to attack and retreat and I just seriously didn't have it in me to be crushed in one of his hugs right at that minute. I'd been awake for only about ten minutes when he and Spence walked into the room and I was very confused as to what was going on or why I was in the hospital. Although, the aches, pain, and casted leg gave me the idea that something happened and it was because of those injuries that I was in the hospital.

I rubbed at my eyes a little and looked up at Alex. "Hey Lex..." I bit my lip and looked around before back up at him. "Besides the hospital...where am I? What happened?" I looked at Spencer and then down to Brendon. "And why are they here?"

I bit my lip as I looked over at Alex. He wasn't even looking at me, and I really didn't know if it were my place to say anything, but then, thinking of how Alex broke down earlier, I thought maybe it would be easier for me to say something. I cleared my throat as I placed one hand again on Alex's back, and the other massaged Ryan's knee.

"Ry," I licked my lips, "You were in an accident last night on your way to a show," I started as I looked over at Brendon, seeing him take a deep breath, but not wake up, I continued but with a lower voice, "We're in LA because Alex called us last night when it happened, so we came as soon as we heard. It's um, midmorning, and you have been out since last night..."

I hated situations like this, because I knew I had a way with words to make people feel bad, but that was not my intent. It just happened like that. So, from here on out, I was going to opt to keep my mouth shut, that was for sure. Choosing to just stand there and let Alex take over, I sighed. It really was a relief to see him awake. I knew he would pull through, I just didn't know when.

I frowned and looked over at Alex. "An accident? I was in an accident?"

Alex nodded and reached up, tilting my head up and pressing his lips against mine before pulling back and sitting on the edge of my bed. "We were in an accident Ry. You were driving...we were crossing an intersection. You don't remember?"

I shook my head and looked down at my hands before over to Spence and then back to Alex. "No, I don't. I don't remember any of it...I...I don't..." I shook my head again, trying to think back, trying to remember, but failing completely. "I don't remember anything about last night...I...I don't remember going to the show."

He shook his head a little. "We never made it to the show Ry. We were on our way. We were crossing an intersection when we were hit from the side...the driver's side...it hit right around your legs. We were both unconscious at first, but I woke up after only a short time...they...they had to use the jaws of life to get you out..." He played softly with my hair again before leaning in and kissing me again. "God, Ry, I thought I'd lost you."

I smiled slightly and closed my eyes, resting my head back against the pillows. "So that’s why my whole body hurts."

I stood there and watched the two of them interact and talk for a few minutes before something clicked. If he didn't know what happened then that must mean that Bren didn't know he was awake, or that Ryan's parents hadn't come yet. Hell, he might not have even been looked at once he woke up. Looking down at Brendon then up and Ryan, I talked softly again.

"Ry, has, has a doctor or nurse come in and checked on you yet?" I asked simply. Staring at him, he shook his head no, "Ok, well, um, I'm gonna go get someone, I'm sure they need to check on you once you wake. I'll be right back..." I said before I squeezed his knee reassuringly and rubbed Alex's back.

I walked out into the hall, and it was busier than it was before. I didn't even know which doctor was assigned to him, so I walked up to a reception desk, but the line was forever long. I stood there and waited, the Coke for Brendon still in my hands. It wasn't until then that I realized I was thirsty too. Where I stood, I could see the visitor’s room, I stared in to see if Ryan's parents were possibly waiting in there, but no luck. When I turned back to face the desk, one person was gone, now I only had three more to go...

Alex bit his lip as Spencer left the room before he leaned in and kissed me again. If my whole body didn't hurt I'd have wrapped my arms around him and held him, he looked like a wreck. "Are...are you okay Lex? Not hurt or anything?"

He shook his head a little and reached down to play with my fingers. "No. I didn't get the worst of it. I hit my head that was all. As I said, I woke up shortly after. It was you who was the most injured. You were the one we were all worried about. They said the longer you were unconscious, the more worried they were about you."

I nodded a little and closed my eyes. I had absolutely no memory of anything that had happened the day before. I mean, something told me that I'd woken up and all, but everything leading up to going to the concert Alex said we were going to and actually getting into the car for, I didn't remember any of it. It worried me, after all, how could it be normal to simply forget something that had happened like that?

I opened my eyes and watched Alex play with my fingers. "I was so worried Ry...so very fucking worried...I thought...I thought that maybe...maybe I was going to lose you. I was so scared I was going to lose you...I don't think I could live without you Ry."

The next person in line was complaining about insurance and wouldn't listen to the nurse when she said he had to go to another floor to get that information. There was a short shouting match as the security was finally called. I turned back again to look at the visitor’s room and saw that there were two more people waiting after me in line. I thought about maybe trying another floor, but didn't want to give up my spot in line.

Sipping on the drink, I listened to the person two in front of me who was quickly given an answer to their question as I was now one person away. Then I thought about it, there was probably a call button or something on his bed that would get a nurses attention a lot quicker. I was about to walk away and try that when another nurse stepped up, "Next please," she smiled.

Leaning against the counter, I started, "Ah, yes, my friend is in a room down the hall, and he was in an accident last night..."

"Name please."

"Spenc...I mean, he is Ryan Ross, George Ryan Ross, he was unconscious, but is awake now..."

She smiled at me before picking up the phone and calling for a Doctor Ritter to Ryan's room,"Thank you, and that is all I need, Dr. Ritter should be there in a few minutes," she looked past me, "Next please..."

I lifted my hand, pausing to look at how shaky it was before reaching it up to Alex's cheek and resting it there. "You didn't lose me, Lex. I'm still here. Very confused and fuck my body hurts...but I'm still here." I dropped my arm back down onto the bed. That small amount of movement was enough to leave me shivering a little from the effort. I could tell my body had been through trauma, well, obviously with the cast and the pain and all.

Resting back against the bed again, I closed my eyes, letting out a small sigh. I felt the bed shift a little and I heard Alex's voice. "Ry....Ry don't go back to sleep...please...please don't go back to sleep...don't leave me..."

I smiled weakly and shook my head a little before murmuring. "'M not...just...tired...sore...and tired...."

"Spence went to get the doctor...they should be back soon. Maybe then you can have some pain killers and everything. Maybe that'll help...okay? Just...don't go to sleep Ry, please don't. Please..."

I opened my eyes a little and looked at him, squeezing his hand gently with mine before letting my eyes slide closed again.

I stood there sort of dazed as I stepped out of the way. I had no clue what this Doctor dude looked like, so I stood near Ryan's door and waited. Once I finished my drink, I decided to take a seat outside of the door. I didn't know if he would need anyone to answer questions or anything, but really, who was I kidding, I just wanted Alex and Ryan to have some time alone.

Not that this was important at all, but I still wondered what the thing earlier in Alex's room was all about. I also wondered if I hadn't stopped when I did if we would have had sex, or if that was even his intent. Either way, it still left me overly confused. I sighed, looking down the hall to see a couple with two children crying as they came out of the room across from Ryan's. See, that was why I hated hospitals. People were always crying, whether they were tears of joy or sadness.

I happened to glance up as I saw a doctor making his way down the hall. Standing up, I asked if he was Doctor Ritter, and he smiled, pointing to his name-tag. I gave him a quick smile too, "Our patient has awakened, I hear?" Nodding, I followed him into Ryan's room, expecting to have to walk back out so the Doctor could do his thing, "So, which one of you is George?" he joked as he walked in and began fiddling with the machines.

I opened my eyes when I heard the doctor and gave him a weak smile. "Ryan, please. No one calls me George."

Alex pulled back a little and looked at me before leaning in and kissing my forehead then kissing my lips again. He stood up and looked around. "We should probably let the doctor do his thing...and we should just...go and wait." He bit his lip and glanced at Spence before back at me. "I'll call your parents and let them know. They must have fallen asleep and not woken up...they're here by the way. They came in early this morning."

I looked at Alex and nodded a little before biting my lip as the doctor came over to me. I was nervous, well, scared maybe more because everything hurt and I really was trying to not show it. I didn't want Alex to worry more and I didn't want Brendon to wake up and worry more and I didn't even know why Brendon was there asleep when Alex and Spence came from somewhere that wasn't near, cause I saw that there was a bag in Spence's hand. I didn't really want Alex to leave. I wanted him to stay there and hold my hand, but I couldn't object cause I knew the doctor probably wouldn't allow anyone to stay while he checked me out. "Okay...just...come back...soon?"

I smiled and nodded to Ryan, "We will be back as soon as we can, well, Doctor Ritter allows..." I glanced over at the Doctor.

"I'll be quick and painless, no worries, just need to check the vitals and what not, so, if you can just step outside, I'll let you know what it is safe to come back in," he smiled as he went back to his clipboard and information on the screen. I started to walk away when I heard him laugh, "Oh, and don't forget about this one...."

Turning back, I completely forgot about Brendon. Oops. I blushed slightly as I walked over and whispered in his ear, shaking him, "Hey, Bren, wake up..." He was always an easy person to get up, and this time it was no different. He opened his eyes, blinking when he looked at me then stretched.

"Wha?" he yawned, "Why can't I?" he turned and looked at Ryan and stood straight up, gasping, "Babe..." he let out as I grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the door. I knew I should have let him talk to him, but the sooner he left, the sooner we came back...

"Bren, the Doctor needs to do his thing, then we will be right back, ok?" I asked as I wrapped my arm around him, seeing him follow me and Alex's lead but still have his mouth dropped as he looked over his shoulder at Ryan.

I watched all three of them leave and turned my attention back to the doctor. I was still exhausted and I still just wanted to curl up and sleep. I hoped that any and all pain would just be gone when I woke up again, but I also figured that wasn't likely. The doctor had to ask questions and poke and prod and everything else that doctors usually did.

I was right, he poked, he prodded, and he received several yelps of pain from me. He asked me questions like 'where does it hurt?' 'does it hurt more here or here?' 'how are your ribs feeling?' and other questions that you'd only really get a doctor to ask you. By the time he was finished investigating my body and checking everything that he had to, I felt even more drained and even sorer. I'd seen the bruises covering most of my upper body from the impact and pressure of my body against the seatbelt and hitting the various aspects of the car. I'd seen the cast that covered my leg. I'd seen the bandage that he changed on my head. I felt sick.

A nurse came in with a tray halfway through the 'inspection' and the tray held all sorts of different things, including little cups of pills. She handed a few things to the doctor and he proceeded to inject something into the IV that was dripping into my arm. He told me it should take care of most of the pain, but if/when it came back to page the nurses and they'd keep monitoring it. He also explained my injuries and told me I was pretty lucky. I wasn't sure you could consider a broken leg, a concussion and broken ribs along with lots of bruising lucky, but I guess if you went as far as being lucky to be alive, then yes.

I stumbled out of the room with Spencer and Alex. Ryan was awake. He woke up. I was laying there and he was awake. I couldn't believe it, really I couldn't. Why didn't he wake me up? How long had he been up? Why couldn't I stay in there with him? He was my boyfriend. I wanted to see him and speak to him. I wanted to kiss him and hug him and tell him how much I cared about him.

I was about to walk back in when Spencer grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the elevator, "Come on, Alex needs to get a hold of Ry's parents, and we need to get you something to eat and drink..." Pouting, I followed him, only because I knew the price I would pay if I didn't listen. But believe me, I did not want to follow him, I wanted to be in there with my Ryan holding his hand.

"But Spence, I wanna," I started as we walked past the gift store, and something caught my eye, "We," I looked up at him and Alex, "Can we go in there?" Spencer nodded and Alex mentioned that he had to call Ryan's parents. Again, I pouted.

But, even so, Spencer still had a grip on me, "Yea, ok, Alex, meet us back here?" Alex nodded and walked out as I went to the display in the window.

The doctor, with the nurses' help, finished checking me out before leaving me alone. They promised to have some food sent up for me and I could only imagine how wonderful the hospital food was going to taste. I'd only ever heard horror stories about it and I wasn't looking forward to trying it. There was nothing wrong with my body except for the broken leg, okay, and maybe head trauma, but otherwise, I wanted a cheeseburger.

About ten minutes later an orderly showed up with a tray he said was made especially for me. I got green jello, chicken, mashed potatoes and vegetables. All in all, it didn't look as horrible as I'd expected it to be. As a special bonus, there was a cookie on the tray and the orderly brought me a diet coke to wash it all down.

I thanked the orderly and sighed softly as I looked at it. I wanted to get up and move. I still wanted my cheeseburger. And most of all, I didn't want to be left alone in the hospital room anymore. I started slowly picking at the food and it really didn't taste as bad as I expected either. I wouldn't chose to go to the hospital to eat or anything, but at least it wasn't so bad that I couldn't keep it in my mouth. Still, I was hoping I'd get someone to sneak in a cheeseburger for me later.

I immediately went into the store, found what I wanted and bought it. Spencer just stood there, looking confused as I picked up the bag, smiled at the clerk and walked out, "Do you think Alex is done yet? Cause I really want to see Ryan! Spence! He is awake! I can't wait to kiss him and hold him and tell him how much he means to me! I missed him so much, I don't think I can contain myself!"

Actually showing how much I couldn't contain myself, I was hopping around and flailing my arms about, in which Spencer grabbed them and held them to my side. He stepped closer to me, "Bren, Ryan just woke up from somewhat of a coma, and he is in pain...I know you care about him, and he loves you, but he needs to get some strength and rest before he is bombarded with everything....I mean, he needs rest..."

Oh, I heard every word he was saying, but the only thing I could think of as he spoke was this... "Spence, why do you smell like Alex?"

His eyes got huge as he looked past me, "Oh, Alex, there you are..." he walked up to Alex talking up a storm with Alex, asking him all kinds of questions because he knew that I never interrupted people while they were talking since I thought it was rude.

It wasn't until we were up the elevator and walking into Ryan's room that he finally shut up. So, of course I took advantage of the situation, "So, Spence, why do you smell like Alex?" I repeated.

I opened the diet coke and drank half of it before coughing from how harsh it felt on my throat. I didn't think being unconscious for a day would cause my throat to be so dry, but it probably had something to do with the trauma from the car accident or the fact that I'd been unconscious for such a long time. I felt so confused though. I just kinda sat there on the bed, feeling confused about everything.

Pushing away the tray, I lay back on the bed and did my best to curl up into a ball. Having a leg in a cast caused major problems for my goal though and all I could do was sorta lay on my side but not really because I still hurt, pretty much everywhere. I closed my eyes and turned my head toward the window of the room, wishing that I had my iPod so I could at least listen to music while I was laying there.

Feeling everything overwhelm me, I found myself starting to cry while I lay there on the bed. My hands rubbed at my eyes and I tried to hide my face in them. Part of me wanted to be held, but the other part of me was scared that it would hurt. Moving hurt, breathing hurt, everything hurt and I couldn't have what I wanted and that hurt too.

Spence was about to answer when I stopped him and stopped acknowledging him for that matter. For a second I wished I had a notepad so I could write this shit down so I could remember what I was so tore up about with him, but really something more pressing was in my mind at the moment. Ryan.

Walking over to him, I neared where his face was and leaned in, somewhere, somehow remembering what Spencer had said, I sustained from leaning in and kissing him or anything, Spence was right, I didn't want to overpower him and freak him out, so I simply laid my hand on his side, "Ry, Babe, what can I do to make you better?" I asked, knowing he didn't want me to baby him, or did he? Personally, I thought this was an honest excuse to baby the fuck out of him, but I didn't know what he would think.

"Babe, we are all here for you, and we love you, and we want you to be ok, Sweetie, just tell us what you want, and we will accommodate..." Yea, Bren, so much for not babying him.....

I felt Spencer's hand on my back, I knew it was a forewarning for me to shut the hell up and stop while I was ahead, but I didn't drive ~~ok, ride~~ over three or four hours to just sit back in a damn waiting room, that right there would be bullshit!

I winced just slightly at the feeling of Bren's hand on my side. I didn't want him to think something was wrong, well, there was something wrong, I'd been in a car accident and had my body thrown around like a rag doll, bruising me in ways that it had never been bruised before, but other than that, I didn't want him to think there was something wrong.

I rubbed at my eyes again, trying to wipe away the tears so they wouldn’t know that I'd been crying while they were. I knew it was futile to try and look like I wasn't crying, but I tried anyway. Eventually, I pulled my hands away and opened my eyes, shaking my head a little bit and looking up at Brendon, Spence and Alex.

Licking my lips a little, I tucked my hair behind my ear. "No...I...I'm okay...just...hurt...everything...hurts..." I sighed softly and closed my eyes again. "The doctor gave me something...it might take a little bit though...he just gave it to me..." I sighed again, reaching up and shifting the pillow behind my head, wincing again when it causes my ribs to move in the wrong way.

I looked down at Ryan than over at Alex. And then I sighed. I couldn't take or handle this. I was used to the Ryan who was happy to see me, or who was turned on or wanted hugs. Lately, I was the one who caused him tears and pain, and I wasn't the one who he came to, Alex was. So, I didn't know why I was stepping on Alex's toes to take care of him. I was obviously doing something wrong.

I stepped back and walked into Spencer's hand. Again, I sighed, glancing at him, mirroring the tears that Ryan had in his eyes. I knew he was in pain, but there was nothing I could do about it. Hell, I touched him, and I caused more pain. I knew I was feeling sorry for myself when I should be feeling sorry for Ryan, but he wouldn't even let me feel sorry for him. All of this made my head spin. I wanted to sit down or cry. Maybe it was a mistake for me to come and visit him. Forgive me for fucking caring. I hated it.

Backing away even more, out of Spencer's reach for that matter, I made my way over to the spare bed and curled up in it. Spencer gave me a weird look. Again I sighed, "Alex can help him..." I let out, giving everyone a weak smile, "I am just gonna take a nap, ok? I want to sleep, I need to sleep. Ry," I looked over at him, "You sleep too, ok?" I asked as I laid my head down on the cloth covered plastic pillow.

I looked over at Brendon and just didn't get it. I closed my eyes again and sighed a little, trying to figure out what on earth I was supposed to do with myself. Nothing felt right. I was sore all over and I just didn't really want to be touched by anyone, while at the same time I wanted to be held. It was a contradiction and I didn't like how it felt to want to be held while I cried and not be able to be held because just being touched hurt too much.

I felt the bed dip a little and a hand be placed on mine. Opening my eyes, I saw Alex sitting above me, looking down at me and gently rubbing his fingers over mine. Of all places on my body, I felt like my hand hurt the least. At least that didn't hurt so at least I could be touched on the hand.

"Hey...maybe Bren is right, maybe you should get some sleep...some rest to help you feel better. That'll help, right?"

Sighing, I closed my eyes and shook my head a little. "I've been unconscious, Lex, I don't want to sleep...I..." I frowned, I didn't know what I wanted, not really.

"You what Ry? What do you want?"

I shook my head and sighed. "I don't know, okay?! I don't know because I can't have what I want because it fucking hurts too much! And why is my entire body one giant bruise and you're perfectly fine? How is it you're not in a hospital bed too?"

I sat up completely when I heard Ryan say the last part. I shot my head over, and Spencer was right by Alex, with his hand upon his back. I wondered where in the hell that came from. Moving to level myself on the ground, I walked over to Ryan, this time away from his face. I glanced over at Alex and gave him a sympathetic look, even though he couldn't see me. I sighed again closing my eyes and feeling dizzy. I didn't know what to do. Alex and Ryan were always the ones who knew the answers, but me...not so much.

Placing my fingertips lightly on Ryan's back, I ran them up and down his spine, trying to soothe him anyway possible. Biting my lip, I looked down at him, leaning over to look at his face. I wanted to change the subject. I knew we were coming on strong and not helping him because he was confused, but I wanted to do something for him to take his mind off things, and then I remembered the gift I had bought him. Clearing my throat, I started.

"Here, I uh, got you this..." I handed him a bag that had the book I had bought for him, "I, um," suddenly I was blushing, "I didn't know how much time you had by yourself here, or something, or if you wanted to read, but, uh, yeah." I watched him open it, "It's a children's book, on Orion that tells you where to find him in all the different seasons. I mean, that is what I saw when I glanced through it while we were in line, but, um, still...." I paused, "I, um, hope you like it, it has all kinds of pictures, and stuff..."

Alex looked at me before turning and leaving the room. I watched him for a few moments as he walked out of the room. I didn't understand what was going on and I couldn't help but feel mad that I was the one who was so injured and in a hospital bed and he was walking around with barely a scratch on him. I was mad. I couldn't help it. So maybe it wasn't his fault we were in an accident. And maybe it wasn't my fault either. But I couldn't help the feeling that if I was in the hospital, he should be in the hospital. We were both in that car.

I looked over at Spencer before shaking my head and closing my eyes, taking a deep breath. I needed to calm down, but part of me wanted to yell after Alex to go to hell. That was not our relationship, we'd never been like that before. I'd never felt that way against him before and I didn't like that feeling.

I reached up and took the book from Brendon, looking down at it in my hands for a few moments before opening it and turning a few of the pages. I smiled a little and looked up at Brendon. "Thanks, Bren...its perfect...just...can you figure out a way to get rid of the hospital roof so I can put it into use?"

I bit my lips as tears came to my eyes over what I just saw. Glancing at Spencer, he ran after Alex. I would have too if I didn't have Ryan laying in bed in front of me. He had no right to say those things, but he also didn't have a clue what had gone on since he was out. I gulped, not sure what to say or do at this point. So, I chose to just nod at him over the situation. The book situation.

"Ry," I sat down on the bed to push his hair out of his face, "You will get out of here as soon as the doctors say you are ready. it is beyond any of our control, really it is," I bit my lip again, not sure if I wanted to get in the middle of him and Alex, but I knew I had to defend Alex, I really didn't know what to say. I moved up on the bed and scooted closer to him. Chances are, I would mention Alex, and be yelled at or flung off the bed, but, I guessed I had to take those chances.

"Babe," I turned on my side and looked at him, "Please, don't be mad at Alex, he had put enough grief on himself. We had to tell him it wasn't his fault over and over, and he was by your side for the entire night, calling all of us and taking care of you as much as he could...he has enough guilt. I know it doesn't make your situation even better, but he loves you so much, I was almost afraid for him, I had never seen him so upset, really, I hadn't..."

I put the book down and sighed, laying my head back on the pillow again and closing my eyes. Brendon was right, of course I knew that he was, but it didn't change the way I felt...I felt like lashing out at someone for how I was feeling. I felt like screaming and crying and thrashing around. Of course, the thrashing was out because of how my body felt.

Shaking my head, I looked up at Brendon. I wasn't sure what to say in response to that, 'yeah, I know, I’m just an asshole because I feel like shit and want to scream at someone until they feel the same'? that didn't sound good in my head let alone something that I wanted to escape my lips.

Picking up the book again, I played with the pages a little. I was still at a loss for words, me, Ryan, who rarely ever was at a loss for words, couldn't find a single one to say. I whimpered softly and looked back over at Brendon. I was lost. In my own head. In the situation. With Alex. With Brendon. With Spencer. Everything, I was just lost and I couldn't find a way to pull myself out of it. I felt almost like I was drowning, but drowning in what, I didn't know.

I let my head fall back against the pillow again and felt the tears starting to stream down my cheeks again. I felt helpless and useless, I felt like I was fucking everything up in everything and I couldn't do anything to fix any of it. I was a mess and I wasn't sure how anyone could pick me up and put me back together again, or if it was even possible. And I had no clue what to say to Brendon.

I knew I said the wrong thing, and I knew I had to fix it. it was my turn. it was my chance to step up and make things right. But I was so scared and didn't know. I was confused myself. Somehow, though, I managed to curl up to him, wiping his tears, 'Ry," I whispered, "Ryan. I'm sorry. I, I just don't know how you are feeling right now, and I don't know what to say, but please Babe, please don't cry. You are awake and Baby, you are alive, and that is everything that we all had prayed and wished and hoped for."

Stretching up, I kissed his cheek, "We were, all of us, we were so scared and worried for you, because we care about you so much, we were worried for you and we had to sit back and think about what our life would be like without you..." I sighed, "Well, at least, I know that I did, Ryan, and it was not good...But still, you were in an accident. It was no one's fault but the driver of the other car, Babe, you did nothing wrong...nothing at all. I hate to say it, but, Ry, you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time..."

"And we have to think or believe that this happened for a reason. Maybe it was all planned. Hell, maybe our entire lives have been mapped out for us, and we are just little mice in that maze, but Ryan. God, Baby, please don't cry. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all, those words you just said, they, they are just from the stress and fear...it's ok Baby...I'm sure Alex just needed a moment to sit back and reflect. He, he was prolly just giving you space, to let you think, I mean, cause you just woke up, you deserve time to think...." I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping he was understanding what I was saying.

Closing my eyes, I let myself relax against Brendon's touch. He was right, again, but at the same time, I didn't want to think or deal with it. There was far too much and too much information in my head to really be boiled down to 'you need to think and he needs to think.' I wasn't sure thinking was what I needed right then. My mind was going back to 'be loved on, think about nothing, and let others tell you when you need to do things like eat.'

After a little bit, I looked up again at him and frowned a little as I reached up and wiped at my eyes, wiping away the tears. "Bren...can...can you get me something to drink? Something without fizz?" I bit my lip gently. I didn't want him to feel like that’s all he could do for me, but at that moment I couldn't think of anything else to say or ask for, and I felt ashamed that that was all I could say to my boyfriend.

I reached up and covered my face with my hands. I felt like shit for asking that. I pulled my hands away from my face and looked up at him again, tears still streaming down my cheeks. "I...I...I'm sorry...I just....fuuuckk!" I looked away and felt myself start to cry more. If I didn't know better I'd start to think that I was a woman. I looked back over at Brendon. "I can't believe you came all the way here...you and Spence..."

Immediately, I grabbed a cup from Ryan's tray and walked out in the hall to get some water from the drinking fountain. Looking around, Spencer and Alex were no where to be seen, and come to thinking of it, neither were his parents. They must have got caught in traffic or something, his parents that was... Filling up the cup, I walked back into the room and asked him to sit up. Taking the back of his head in my hands, I held the cup to his lips as he drank some, then set the somewhat empty glass on the tray next to him as I slid back into my position.

"Ry, of course we came to see you, well, ok, so I was coming to see you no matter what, and Spencer knew that I was too upset to drive..." I started as I moved closer to him, tracing his features, and taking in his scent. Sure, he hadn't showered in over twenty fours hours, and he had been in an accident. Plus, the smell of medicine and blood pierced my nose, but even so, he still smelled like Ryan...

Positioning myself even more comfortably, I leaned over and kissed some of his tears, "There is no place in the world I would rather be, or chose to be than right here with you. Next to you. Holding you. Ryan, I love you, and I would never let you be alone in here...I would never let you be hurt and not be right by your side."

I licked my lips after I had taken a drink. It felt much better than the soda that I'd had earlier. I would have thought the people at the hospital would have thought to give me something less harsh on my mouth and throat right after I woke up, but I couldn't blame the orderly, he didn't know. And maybe they all thought someone else had given me something softer for my throat and thought that soda would be okay.

Sighing softly, I felt much better and relaxed back again. I moved, just slightly, closer to Brendon, just to feel him against me, just to feel him close to me. I tilted my head to the side a little and sighed a little in content. He and I may have not been very good when I left home the previous weekend, but having him right there right then was definitely something that I needed. I was glad that he was there, even if I couldn't say it.

It took a few moments before it registered with me what he had just said. I looked up at Brendon and studied him closely for a few moments before whispering. "Do you really mean it Bren?"

I sighed as he leaned and moved back into me. Smiling at him, he looked so beautiful. Usually, he was the older, stronger, smarter, and more dominant one, but right here, right now, he looked like a little kid. A little kid that I just wanted to snatch up and take home with me. It was weird how something like this could tear at you like it did. I wasn't sure though if I regretted what had happened, or if I was upset.

On one hand, there was Ryan and his pain and confusion, but on the other, there was a chance for he and I to grow closer and for him to depend on me. I knew that was selfish, but maybe he needed it too. Smiling again, I kissed his shoulder and his neck gently as I leaned in closer to him, "You smell amazing Ry, I have no clue how I stand it on our days apart..." I grinned as I kept my nose flush with his jaw.

Then it hit me. Did I mean what I said? Of course I meant what I said, why else would I have said it. I reached up and smooth his face, while still snuggled next to me, "Yea, Ry, I meant every word of it," I blushed, almost not wanting to bring it up, but knowing I had to, "I don't want to lie to you or hold things back ever again..."

My voice stayed as a whisper as I continued looking up at him. I didn't want to move, and yet, I did. There went those stupid mental contradictions again, wanting to do the things that would hurt me even more. I bit my lip before continuing. "You...you've never said that before...not...ever..."

My head tilted again, pulling myself back slightly so I could look at him full on and get a good look at his face. it was one of those moments when you weren't sure how to react even though it was good news. You weren't sure to be all giddy and excited, or serious yet happy. It was also one of those moments when you needed to look into the other person's face, look into their eyes, and really see who they were inside as they were saying it. To really see if they were really serious. And with my broken body, I needed all the reassurances I could get visually because there sure as hell wasn't any physical way, not with the way I was feeling.

I licked my lips and smiled softly before murmuring almost silently. "You really love me?"

My fingers stopped moving on his arm when he asked me. Did I just say I loved him? Narrowing my eyes a little, I thought about it. I must have, or else, why would he bring it up? I hoped I wasn't pausing to long, so I opened my mouth to not cause anymore confusion over the situation.

I had the slightest clue what I was saying at this point...it was just coming out...

"If I said it, then I do, Ryan. I didn't even think about it, but it must have come out so naturally, so, it is obviously true. I have been falling for you for a long time, but I didn't know how to explain those feelings I was having. They were new to me, and I was confused, but seeing you here, and even the whole ride here, all I could think about was what my life would be without you, and I didn't even want to imagine it. I know we fight and we are apart, and all of that, but, Ry, I really do feel that way about you. You put my life in such a retrospect that I don't even know how I got this far without you."

I looked over at him, touching his cheek lightly with the backs of my fingers, "So, to answer your question, yes, Ryan, I do love you."

I smiled softly and leaned into Brendon's fingers. It was nice to finally hear him say it. It wasn't like I was worried that he hadn't said it before that moment, but at the same time, it was nice to hear him say it. Especially without any prodding or asking or trying to get him to say it, he just said it. Reaching up with my hand, I placed it over his and whispered quietly. "I love you too, Brendon."

I sighed softly in content, letting my eyes slip closed again as I moved toward him a little. Moving caused my ribs to hurt, but right at that moment, I didn't care so much. You can't avoid your boyfriend when he just told you he loved you for the first time, which also had to be his first time ever saying it to someone who wasn't family, or possibly friend.

I opened my eyes when I heard a noise at the door and looked over to see Alex standing there, looking rather awkward. I bit my lip and then reached my free hand out to him until he came over and took it. Squeezing my hand softly, he sat down on the other side of the bed and kissed my hand. "I'm sorry Lex. I didn't mean it...I'm just...just upset about all of this...I...I didn't mean to yell at you."

He nodded and bent his head over my hand. I felt a drop of water fall onto my hand and realized that he was crying. I was the one in the hospital bed with a broken and battered body, and my best friend and boyfriend were possibly more of wrecks than I was, although most of mine was mental, theirs seemed emotional. It was just difficult to have my best friend show up and be upset like he was moments after my boyfriend told me he loved me, he hadn't even kissed me yet.

I smiled over at Alex and Ryan, sighing. It seemed weird, and freer, I had just told him I loved him and this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Like all the jealousy and guilt and worries and questions seemed to disappear. It was right now that I knew this relationship would be ok, and that I didn't have to worry about anything for a long time. At least I hoped it would stay that way.

Reaching down, I toyed innocently with the skin right about Ryan's cast, just watching him and Alex. I knew that Alex was tore up, and I would have been too, hell, in all honesty, if Ryan had said those things to me, then I would have walked out that door and out of his life and never come back. But, that was the thing with best friends, these two knew each other inside and out, and Alex knew where Ryan was coming from, and obviously understood it because he came back.

I leaned forward and kissed Ryan's shoulder reassuringly. In a way, I hoped that the doctors or nurses or even Ryan's parents wouldn't come in, because I would feel like I had to get up and go. But, there was no place in the world where I would rather be right now, then with the one that I loved. I shook my head to myself. The one that I loved. I couldn't help but smile. Why did that come easily and freely now? But in all respect, it scared the living shit out of me just 24 hours ago. It was strange how things worked. How accidents and wrecks and even deaths did this to you. Sure, at the time, it was the worst thing ever, but it seemed that in almost every circumstance, something amazing came out of it in the long run.

I squeezed Alex's hand back and looked over at Brendon. I threaded my fingers with his and gave him a small smile before looking back at Alex and murmuring his name. I waited until he looked up before I continued. "Please, don't Lex. I'm sorry."

He shook his head and stood up, putting his forehead to mine and putting his free hand behind my head. I knew he was still crying, I could feel a little shaking of his body and the occasional drop of a tear onto my face. "Shut up Ryan. Please, just shut up. I know you didn't mean it, I know that you didn't. But it should have been me instead of you. It should have been me in that bed and you walking around without a problem. You were right, I should be in a hospital bed too, and you have every right to feel that way because I've got nothing wrong with me after the accident. But fuck, Ry, I love you and if I could I'd switch places with you."

He sighed and leaned forward, pressing a kiss against my cheek. "Don't apologize, Ry, please don't. Just...lets just forget it. You and me, remember? You and me, nothing gets between that, not even this."

I nodded a little and looked up at him and whispered. "I love you too Lex. Nothing gets between...not ever...not even this..." I nodded again and murmured softly. "Hug me? Just...very gently because everything hurts..." He smiled softly and leaned in, giving me a gentle squeeze before pulling back, but he didn’t let go of my hand. It was okay, he and I were back to us again, I smiled softly and let my head rest against Brendon again.

Smiling, again, at the two of them, I had laid back on the bed looking at the ceiling, giving them their space. Once they were back to the original positions, and everything seemed ok, I looked up and around the room, seeing Spencer at the door. I smiled to him and waved him over, sort of like Ry had done to Alex. There was really no need for him to be over there, but he was probably like me, just giving them their space.

Running my fingers through Ryan's hair, I nodded to Spencer, "It's getting near lunch time," as if on cue my stomach growled, "What do you say we go to that McDonalds up the street and bring back some real food?" I asked the people in the room, still with my fingers tangled in Ryan's hair.

"Yea," Spence smiled, "That's cool, but um, you guys can stay here, I think I can manage on my own..."

"Are you sure?" I questioned. Really, I didn't even want to move, but I figured I would be nice, "If you are sure, cause I can go with you..." He nodded, "Ok, well, um, get me a Caesar salad, hold the chicken," I looked over to Ryan and Alex, "And, what about you guys?" I smiled, "I know you prolly can't have real food Ry, but...we won't tell..."

Spencer smiled, "Secret safe with us. But really, it's my treat, whatever you guys want..."

I grinned a little. "Cheeseburger. I'm craving a cheeseburger. The food they brought me was alright, but it tasted like dirt in comparison to the cheeseburger that I'm craving!"

Alex chuckled and shook his head, he stood up and leaned over to press a quick kiss to my lips. "I'll make sure you get the perfect one." He pressed another kiss to my forehead before he headed over to Spencer. "I'll come. That way you won't have to try and carry all of it by yourself, especially with drinks and all. Besides, Ry can be picky on his burgers." He grinned over his shoulder at me. "That would be with a triple thick vanilla shake, right?"

I nodded and grinned. "You know it! I can't imagine that the doctors would be against me having a shake...it is milk and all..."

Alex chuckled and nodded again. "Oh, your parents are very happy that you're awake. But, they don't feel awake enough to drive yet since they really didn't sleep last night. So, they're gonna grab some coffee and a cab and they should be here in a little. They didn't want you to think that they aren't here or coming to see you." With a smile and a wave, he tugged Spence out the door.

"Good, I was getting worried about your parents," I looked down at him and smiled, "I hope they made it in safe, I haven't even seen them yet..." I let out, before I knew for sure that Alex and Spencer had left the floor, "Here, wait," I moved him as gently as I could, as too not bring him any more pain, and made my way off the bed and over to the door. Shutting it, I leaned against it for a little while just looking at Ryan. The one that I loved.

A grin was plastered on my face as I walked back over to him, somewhat mimicking his movements as he normally slinked around like a cat, "So, now that you are awake, and you are ok. Well, besides the pain..." I pouted quickly before smirking again, "I realize that there is something I have been waiting for since you left last Tuesday morning..." I tapped my lips, "Wonder what that could be..."

Crawling onto the bed with him, I moved ever so easily on my side next to him. Running my fingers across his cheek then down his jaw and back into his hair, I leaned in slightly barely touching his lips. Hell, I could even feel his breath on mine, "I've missed these lips..." I mumbled as I moved forward while pulling him into me. My lips tingled against his as I took his bottom lip into my mouth, nibbling on it slightly before opening my mouth more to deepen the kiss.

I smiled against Brendon's lips and kissed him back, just letting him control it. I paid attention to what my body was telling me, feeling how sore it was, while going with what my emotions were telling me, well, besides the 'sob your eyes out' part of it. I wanted to be able to have him pressed up against me while he was kissing me so he didn't have to treat me like a fragile doll.

Moving my hand, I reached up and placed it against his cheek while I kissed him back, letting myself get lost in it for a few moments before slowly pulling back and sighing softly in content. I rolled my head to the side a little as I rested against Brendon. "Mmmm...I missed feeling you kiss me like that, Bren." I closed my eyes and sighed softly. "If my whole body didn't ache all over I'd expect you to do a lot more than just that. But I think we're gonna have a few problems with doing much more than that for now."

I sighed at that, again, because it seriously sucked, again, that I couldn’t have what I wanted. "I've never felt like this before, Bren. I feel like my body was put through the grinder or something. Everything aches, and I'm scared to move much, or sit up, or anything. I want to move and do things, but I know it'll hurt because of my ribs...I kinda wish it were just the leg and not the ribs too..."

Pecking him on the lips again, I pouted with him, "I know you do, Babe, it's ok, I understand," again, I placed my lips on his to show I did actually understand and care, "But didn't the doctor give you something for the pain? Shouldn't it have kicked in by now?" I asked him as I feathered my hands down his side, not even touching his skin, but the clothing on him.

I stared at him and smiled. I believed that he was the most beautiful person alive. Even with the bumps and bruises, he was beautiful. I just wished I knew really how he felt. He could tell me, but I would never really known myself since I had never been in that situation. But, he did mention the doctor giving him something, so really, it would have kicked it, it only seemed right.

"Ry, do you want me to go call the doctor or nurse for some more pain killers, I mean, we are in a hospital, and I don't think you should still be feeling it," I glanced over at his tray of food, "Especially with the little amount you have eaten, it should have gone right into the blood stream. And maybe," I hoped and tried, "You can get something, and your parents will be here, then you can visit, and Spencer and Alex will be back, and then you can eat and we can nap..."

Then it hit me. Spencer and Alex, "Oh...that reminds me...I hugged Spencer earlier, and he spelled like Alex, like...smelled smelled like him..."

next

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 13:49:37 GMT

"It doesn't hurt really so much right now, more like a dull ache, like, I know to be careful with my body because I injured it..." I shrugged slightly and laid back again to look up at him. "I don't think they should give me more just yet...what he gave me has helped already, it really has...but still...I know I hurt, I know I am hurt, and I know where I hurt, so its kinda the same thing as if it didn't work at all. It isn't like it took all that feeling away."

I shrugged again slightly and reached for the water Brendon had brought for me, taking a sip of it before putting it back and murmuring. "Smelled like him, huh?" I reached up and tucked my hair back behind my ears, smiling to myself. "Hmm...how long were they out of your sight for him to start smelling like Alex?"

If something had started between Alex and Spencer, I thought it was cute, and good timing too. If I knew Alex the way I was sure that I did, he needed help from someone to get him through everything. Who better for my best friend to depend on than my boyfriend's best friend? And who better for my best friend to get involved in than with my boyfriend's best friend?

"I know Babe," I smiled at him, "Oh, and do you like me calling you that? 'Babe' that is, cause, I dunno, it sorta fits you..." I smirked, leaning to peck his lips, "But, I do love you and care about you, and if you are in pain, I want to help you, I really do, so I will do anything to make you better..."

Sitting back a little, I sighed, trying to think of when I left them alone. Oh, I remembered, when we got in that morning? They left together, I thought... Twisting my lips, I thought about it some more, "I know I woke up and came up here... Oh! Yea, Alex asked Spencer if he could drive him to your apartment so he could get cleaned up and bring clothes and what not for you. I'm not sure how long they were gone though, because I fell asleep almost as soon as I laid my head in your hands..."

"But, we were in the gift store earlier, and I hugged him, and when I asked him about it, he ignored it and changed the subject..." I shrugged, "Could you imagine it, I mean, those two? Not that I would care or be against it, but still," I smirked thinking about it. They were almost the complete opposite, but maybe that was why it worked so well. And to think, here I came to visit my boyfriend, and Spence was getting more action than me...

I smiled and shrugged a little. "I think it'd be cute if they had something going on. I mean, we pretty much know how much Spencer likes Alex, right? So if something’s going on with them that’s gotta mean they've come to some sort of an understanding...maybe Alex likes him the same? Or is at least interested...he wouldn't just...I dunno, be all over Spence if he wasn't the slightest bit interested, even if he's extremely horny."

I reached up and touched Brendon's cheek softly. "I wonder why he changed the subject though. I'd hope that he wasn't ashamed of whatever’s going on with him and Lex. Cuz that would just be sad. He shouldn't be ashamed of it, there’s nothing at all wrong with getting hot over a guy or with a guy. Maybe, when he comes back, we can send Alex off somewhere and ask Spence what’s going on without him here. I could use a little good news right about now.."

Just then, the doctor came in with my parents in tow. Mom came running over to me and if I hadn't held up my hand in warning to her I was sure that she would have smothered me in a hug. Instead, she paused and leaned in, pressing a kiss to my forehead and gushed to me about how worried she had been and how sorry she was that she wasn't there when I woke up but how glad she was that Alex, Spence and Brendon were with me and taking care of me and that she felt like a horrible mother. I tried to tell her she wasn't horrible and that I was fine, that they didn't need to worry so much about me, that the only problems were the broken leg and the ribs. I didn't say it, but it made me wonder how I was going to finish the internship.

Smiling at Ryan's mom and dad, I waited until there was a short pause in the conversation. Once there was, I leaned down and kissed Ryan's cheek as I untangled myself from him, "I will be right back, I'm gonna go relieve myself," I winked down at him as I slid off the bed. I was about to walk out of the room when I turned around and made my way back over to Ryan, "Sorry, I forgot this," I kissed his jaw, whispering 'I love you' before leaving for real this time.

I made my way outside so I could call my parents. Seeing Ryan's parents there really made me miss mine. I was sure my mother was tore up over me being gone, but I just wanted her to know I was safe. Sure, Spencer called her last night, but I believed she needed to hear it from me.

Finding our number and pressing send, I smiled at a cute nurse as he walked inside, waiting for Mom to pick up. The answering machine kicked on, though. Shit. It was Sunday, they were at service. I sighed, debating to call her cell, but figured this could be a nice cop out for actually talking to her. The machine beeped and I left a short message.

"Hi Mom, Dad, I am in LA. Ryan was in an accident, and just woke up about an hour ago. Everything is ok. He just has a broken leg and a few ribs. I worked everything out with work, I'll be home as soon as I figure out what the plan is, or something. I love you guys, see you soon," with that, I ended the call.

Mom and dad made a huge fuss over me as they talked to the doctor. Mom was 'fixing' the sheet over me, combing her fingers through my hair, adjusting this and that before I finally grabbed her hand to still it, her fidgeting was getting to me. The doctor explained my injuries and what they would mean for my everyday life and how I'd have to go about my medical things for the next month or so. I was supposed to avoid stairs for a while, so I'd have to use an elevator, but even that could be touchy and then there was also the whole deal with getting my cast off.

I listened to everything that the doctor had to say with only half of my attention. All of that meant major problems for going back to the apartment and finishing my internship. The building I had to go to for work had no elevator and we worked on the second floor. It meant that for the next couple of weeks I wouldn't be able to go into work. I also wouldn't really get to work at shows or anything either because I couldn't get into the crowd. Sure, I'd be able to work the door, but would they really want a gimp working a show? I was thinking probably not.

My parents moved off to the side to talk to the doctor and all I could do was wish that the guys would come back. As much as I had wanted to see my parents, I wanted them to leave again. Everything felt like it was falling apart because of an accident and my injuries. I just knew that I was going to lose my internship and have to go home again, but I couldn't really stay at home either because of the stairs. I was suddenly scared of what was going to happen to the rest of my summer.

"Hey! Wanna give us a hand?" I looked up to see Spencer and Alex coming towards me with a lot of food. Damn, did they get one of everything? I gave Spencer a weird look, "What? I was hungry!" he shrugged as I grabbed a bag or two, beginning to walk in the doors when I stopped.

"Oh shit...the doctor is in there right now, do you think he will be ok with the food?" I asked as we stood there blocking the doors. Some lady yelled at us to move cause there was a patient coming through, and we stepped off to the side.

Spencer sighed, "I dunno, but I'm hungry, we can just tell him it is for us, plus, there is only one way to find out..." he nodded his head towards the elevator. We hopped on and pressed the button for Ryan's floor, "But, why are you here? Shouldn't you be with Ryan?" he asked as he looked in the bag he was holding.

"Yea, but his parents came in, so I gave them some space while they talked to the doctor...plus I need to call my parents," Spencer and Alex nodded as the elevator dinged and we stepped out of the box into the hallway. Making our way down, we saw the doctor leave and head the other way. All of us letting out a sigh of relief as we walked into Ryan's room, smelling like McDonalds.

I looked up when the guys all walked back into the room and immediately stretched my hand out toward them. My parents looked up and smiled, saying hello to the guys. Alex gave my parents a hesitant grin and I knew immediately what he was thinking. He thought they were going to blame him for the predicament I was in. "Lex...c'mere..."

Alex looked over at me and walked over to me, avoiding looking at my parents as he came over and kissed my forehead. "You doing okay?"

I nodded a little and murmured. "I'm gonna lose the internship...I can't do stairs for a few weeks...and why would they want a gimp working for them? I'm gonna lose the internship and I don't wanna, Lex!"

He put the bag down and sat next to me, slipping his hand behind my head and giving me the gentlest hug he could. It probably looked rather funny and awkward, but for not really wanting anyone to touch me, it felt really could to almost be held like that. "Don't worry about that right now Ry. I'm gonna talk to them tomorrow since I have to go to work and all. But right now, don't you worry about it. We'll work something out." he pulled back after a few moments and looked back at me. "Now, can I distract you with a double cheeseburger without onions and mustard and with extra pickles?"

Grinning and momentarily forgetting about my concerns, I nodded vehemently.

I never thought about that. What would he do? He couldn't really work here in LA like this. Could he? I mean, I was sure they could work something out, but what if they couldn't? Would that mean he would be home in Vegas with me? Did that mean I could see him everyday? Did that mean that I could help take care of him? Did that mean that I didn't have to go weeks without seeing him?

I surely hoped it did. As selfish as it was...that would be the greatest thing that could happen in my life right now. Ry, in the same city as me for more than a weekend. I seriously wanted to jump up and down and do a little jig, but I knew that would be inappropriate and rather hard to explain. And, like I thought earlier, selfish. I had to remember to remain neutral in this situation, to just be on Ryan's side, even though deep down, I was excited if that meant he could come home.

Pulling up a chair next to Spencer, I found the salad and began to spread some dressing on it, making sure it was completely stirred and each piece was covered before forking some and taking a bite. It tasted like shit. Most salads from fast food places did, but I was hungry and their burgers, as sad as it was, were too meaty and greasy for me...

So, I continued to eat my salad and remain silent as Spencer asked questions about what the doctor had to say, and if it was any different from what he had told us.

Alex chuckled and grabbed the bag and handing it to me. "There's also french fries in there with some sweet and sour sauce just as you like it." He pressed another kiss to my forehead before he turned to my parents and asked them if they'd like anything because they'd bought a lot more than we'd all actually eat. I opened my burger and started in on it while my parents talked to Spencer.

I reached out to Alex before he moved away and pulled him down so I could whisper to him. "Hey...Bren tells me that Spence smelled like you earlier...so...what’s going on with the two of you?"

He looked at me and smirked a little, shrugging as he glanced over at Spence before back to me. He slid down to lay beside me on the bed as he took one of my fries. "I dunno..."

I continued to keep my voice down so that no one but Alex could hear me. "Something must be for him to be smelling like you, Lex. I mean, you don't start smelling like someone just because they're next to you. You smell like them because you've been curled up together, pressed together, or going at it...so...did you get laid while I was unconscious?"

His eyes bugged a little and he shook his head. "NO!" He sighed softly and glanced over at everyone before continuing much softer. "No...Ry...I didn't get laid by Spence while you were unconscious...but...well..." He closed his eyes and moved in so he was whispering against my neck. "I was a wreck...he took care of me...he helped me when I couldn't function on my own until I got my balance back."

Listening in on...well, ok, I was trying to listen in on Spencer's conversation with his parents, but I was eating a salad. And you and I knew damn well that you couldn't hear much when you were eating a salad. All I could hear was my crunching, good thing I knew how to read lips. But, it was something along the lines of...they had no clue either.

I looked back over to Ryan and Alex when Alex flipped out, and watched them as I finished my salad. In a way things did look like they were shaping up here, and if my wish did come true, then Ryan would be home within a week, so maybe it was better for me if Spence and I did drive back home tonight, and maybe Ry's parents could give me the keys to their place or something and the band and I could fix up a downstairs room with Ryan's bed and stuff...it was something I should ask them, but I guessed I should run it by Spencer first.

When he finished talking I leaned over to him, "So, you think we should head back home tonight? I mean, besides visiting, now that Ryan is awake and ok, we don't really have much else to do, but sort of miss out on a paycheck," Spencer gave me a confused look, "No, no, don't get me wrong, I would love to stay and be next to Ryan, but he does have his parents and Alex, and you and I have our own parents and work back home..."

"Lex...how did you get your own balance back? I mean, it doesn't usually just snap back as if it'd never left..." I gave him a close look. Again he shrugged and sorta avoided my look, instead opting to steal another fry. "Lex...how much did you two makeout?"

His head snapped up and he looked at me closely. "We...I...um...no...well...we...I..."

I chuckled softly and shook my head. "You're lucky I love you, Lex or I'd be really mad at you for getting it on with my boyfriend's best friend while I was unconscious." I grinned at him before pressing the button to bring the bed into a sitting position. "But, I think I want to eat my cheeseburger now. Its the least I should get since you were making out while I was unconscious in the hospital." I winked at him before taking a bite of my burger.

Chuckling, Alex sat up and grabbed his own bag, pulling out his own burger. "So...I have to work tomorrow...as normal...they're gonna keep you here I take it for a few days at least?"

I shrugged a little and looked up as mom came over with a burger of her own and sat on the opposite side of the bed from Alex. "Honey, we're going to talk to the doctors, arrange everything for you to be flown back to Vegas. Your dad and I are going to have to go home tomorrow morning and we're going to make everything ready for you to come home, okay honey?"

I frowned and looked up at her. "But mom, my internship!"

She shook her head. "Honey, there is no way you're going to be able to continue the internship until you are healed. I think the people at the label will understand, but I also think that they are going to tell you the same, that there is no way you're going to be able to finish the internship in your medical condition."

I took the last bite of my salad as I watched Ryan and his mother. Ok, so, I knew what I said before, but it was ok to chicken out...right? Yes, I was a coward, and I would happily admit that any day. But, sometimes things just sound a lot better in my head...

But, I should step up and offer to go and do those things I just thought about, but I didn't have it in me. But, I guessed Spencer did, "No, Bren and I could leave tonight even, and have all of that taken care of," he looked between Ryan's parents, "I mean, if that is ok with you, we can take care of the house and get it ready for him, I'm sure Bren knows his way around, then you guys can come back at your own will, I mean," he looked over at me, "We both have responsibilities and whatnot at home anyway."

I looked at him and smiled, nodding in agreement with him, "Yea, Mrs. Ross, that way you have more time to figure everything out here, and we will in turn feel like we are still helping even though we can't stay here and be with Ryan..." I trailed off, not being able to actually look at him yet. I didn't want him to be even more upset. I mean, I knew how much this internship meant to him, but he had to understand that a broken leg didn't make him a prime candidate for some of the things he would be asked to do.

I shook my head and sighed. "You're all against me in this, aren't you?" I looked up at mom before over at Spencer and then back to mom. "You can't just let me stay here and work things out here, you've got to bundle me up and take me home and end this internship. Well, no. I'm an adult too ya know. I'm not just going to go home and lose this internship unless they fire me. I love this internship. I'm not just walking away from it!"

Mom looked down at me and shook her head. "Oh, honey, we aren't against you. We just want to take care of you. And you don't know that you're going to be able to keep working or if they'll even let you keep working. We're going to get home ready for you and you're going to come home."

I shook my head and looked away, realizing that there was nowhere for me to look without feeling like they were against me, I dropped my head back against the bed and closed my eyes. "So just because I have a broken leg and a few broken ribs you're going to treat me like a child and haul me off home to lay me up in a bed, wait on me hand and foot while I can't do it myself, and just happily watch me be miserable at home where you want me to be while I want to be here in LA working for the label. That’s what your great plan is to take care of me? To watch me be utterly miserable at home while I want to be working?"

Mom sighed and shook her head. "Honey, you can't work right now. You'll be off of work for about a month. And once that month is over, there’s only a couple weeks before you'd be back here anyway. So what're you going to do? Stay in your apartment and leave very rarely and only when someone is there to help you move around just so you can stay here in LA?"

I raked my hands through my hair. "I don't know, okay? I don't know, but I'm not going to just say I'm going home when I haven’t' talked to the people at the label yet. So don't make any assumptions about what’s going to happen until I talk with them and we work something out. I am not just willingly giving up this internship no matter what any of you think."

I looked over to Spencer and sighed. See, that was exactly why I didn't want to be the one to bring it up. So, yes, I was a chicken. I knew I shouldn't have even said anything at all, because, really, as much as I wanted Ryan to come home, and I would love it more than anything in the whole damn world, I was sort of on his side, because I knew how much this meant to him and his future. I knew he liked and enjoyed it. And I also knew it would be a struggle for him to agree, that was for sure.

Walking more towards him, I wanted nothing more to reach out and hold him. To hug him, and console him, but I knew that was not what he needed. In my non-expert opinion, I thought he needed to just take a nap. He had been up and thinking and analyzing things for the past...how long...since he woke up. Those pills had to have been doing some effect on his body too, for that matter.

I bit my lip as I looked down at him, really having nothing to say, because I was torn, I agreed with him and his mother. I was neutral. I was just here for Ryan. I came here for Ryan, I would leave here for Ryan, and there was nothing anyone could do about that.

And right now, the room was way to silent for me to be the first one to speak.

Alex looked between me and my mom before looking back at me. "There might be another option, but it could be a stretch and again, I don't know what the label is going to say. They know about the accident and they know you're in the hospital. That was about as far as I got with them before I hung up and came to be with you."

"What’s the other option, Lex? Stop stalling and just tell me."

He nodded a little and reached up to brush his fingers through my hair. "We could talk to Pete. Maybe he could help us work something out. It would be calling in a favor where we have no right to, I know, but he might be able to do something...if he wants to." He bit his lip a little. "He could easily laugh at us for asking. But he could, also, agree to it. Though I'm not quite sure what the favor would be. I mean...I don't know if he has enough pull with the label to get you to keep the internship if they decide you can't do it, but he may have enough to work out some sort of compromise to let you complete it...I dunno, maybe change your requirements or something?"

I shook my head a little. "I don't want to have to ask Pete to step in for me when it has nothing to do with him Lex. If he's going to owe me a favor for anything, I don't know that I want to call it in over this...but...I guess maybe as a last resort." I looked over at my mom. "But I'm not going home. I'm going to finish this internship."

I cleared my throat. It was now or never. I looked at everyone in the room, they looked about the same as me, scared, but wanting to say something. Honestly, though, I kept quiet too long. Either way, here I went...

"STOP! STOP!" my eyes followed everyone in the room, "Stop...." I let out as a last whisper once I got everyone's attention. Stepping forward, I grabbed Ryan's hand, "Ry," I gulped. I hadn't really thought about what I was going to say, "We know how much the internship means to you. And no one said you had to quit. Yes," I gestured to the side of the room I was standing on, "There are ideas floating around that you should just come home, and as far as your health, I do agree with them," I reached out and touched his cheek, "But, coming home does not have to mean you quit the internship..."

"The people you have worked with know you well enough from the past few weeks to give you, first of all, enough evaluation and credit to most likely get this internship in a heartbeat next summer, the summer after that, or even maybe through school during the school year. But, those people also have hearts, Ryan. And this is a huge label. I am sure there is something that you can do to work from home, like data entry of sorts, or answering phones through a company cell phone..." I ran my fingers down his jaw, "And, that, that wouldn't be so bad, you would still be doing something for them, you would still be home to have your mother take care of you, and you will still have Alex and the apartment here in LA when you need to follow up and whatnot from the stuff you are doing at home."

I sighed as I looked at him, "But, I dunno, I might not even be helping at all, but I do know that this internship means the world to you, and there has to be something you can do to still be a part of it in this situation," I gave him a weak smile, "The only thing I do know for sure is that you do need some rest. This will still be here when you wake up. I am not trying to get you to ignore it, you just need some rest and strength," I looked around, "Hell, I think we all do," I bit my lip, "So, how about we try and take a nap, and discuss this further when you are awake?"

Looking up at Brendon, I bit my lip a little. He was right, but I still didn't want to leave LA. To me, the internship was in LA and it wouldn't be the internship from Vegas. I had so much of myself and my future invested in and dependent on the internship. It had been what I had looked forward to since I had heard about it, planned for it, and applied for it. The mere thought of losing the internship was devastating.

I gave in a little and sighed, nodding my head slightly and closing my eyes. At that moment, as much as I didn't normally want to be left alone, I wanted them to leave me alone so I could be miserable. I was starting to hurt all over again and reached for the little button that would call the nurse so I could tell her and hopefully get something that would put me to sleep. He was right, I needed to get sleep, it would be good for my body and my mind. There was just the problem that there was no way I would be able to sleep, without help, with everyone still in the room.

Alex nodded and stood up. "Get some sleep Ry. I think I'm gonna head back to the apartment for a little while and get a little sleep myself. I'll also go and let all the guys know how you're doing. I'm sure they'll want to come by later to see you too." He walked over and leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "We'll figure something out, Ry. Get some sleep. I'll see you in a few hours."

With that, he pulled back and headed for the door. I didn't ask how he was getting home, I figured he could manage that on his own. My parents looked at each other and nodded before looking back at me. "We're gonna let you get some sleep too. We'll be back in a few hours as well, or at least maybe a little later this afternoon. Get some sleep honey." She too kissed my forehead before the two of them headed out of the hospital room as well.

Spencer nodded to Alex, "Hey, do you care if I head back with you, I mean, I can give you a ride, but I'd like to catch a few hours, possibly on your couch, before we drive home tonight..." he smiled up at Alex then over to me. I simply shrugged as I looked down at Ryan leaving them to work it out. If Spence was going, I guessed I should too, unless Ryan didn't care if I stayed, if so, I would stay in a heartbeat.

Smiling at Ryan, I knew I only had a few moments to say my goodbye before the nurses gave him something that set in, so I squatted a little, making me eye level with him in the bed, "I um, I should probably go, but um, if you want someone to stay, and be here when you wake up," I pointed to the bed next to him, "I could sleep over there and you can wake me up when you get up...."

I really, really, really didn't want to leave him. We were ok right now, and I liked when we were like this. It was my favorite. But, I didn't want him to think he had to stay up for me or anything, but again, the pills could knock him straight out, so I didn't know. Sometimes I felt as confused as he did. I looked over to Spence and Alex, since Ry's parents had left, but they were talking quietly. Not really exclusively, but just giving us some privacy, I guessed.

I looked back over to Ryan, awaiting his answer, playing with his fingers in some sort of a daze. Man, I really needed sleep too...

I looked up at Brendon as the nurse walked in and asked me what was wrong. I told her that I was starting to hurt all over again, I was feeling pain, and I wanted to sleep. She gave me a knowing smile and nodded before leaving the room.

I looked back over at Brendon before shrugging slightly. "You can stay if you want. I am not going to be awake if they give me something to knock me out. So it'd probably be really boring for you to stay here and just...be here. I'll be sleeping...so...you don't have to feel like you have to stay here if you wanna go back to the apartment and sleep in real bed, get a shower, get clean clothes and everything. Its up to you though."

Alex glanced over at us. "Bren, are you coming back with us or staying? We don't want to leave you here if you wanna come home with us. We figure we'll relax, sleep a little, and then come back. But you guys can shower...borrow some of our clothes and all if you want...although...Spence already has some of mine...so...either way, up to you."

I looked over at Alex and Spencer before back to Bren. "You can go if you want. Really, Bren, don't feel like you have to stay. You need to sleep too, and I'm sure you want clean clothes too."

Just then, the nurse came in and smiled at each of us before injecting something into the IV that was still connected to me. "Just give it a few moments and it should take care of the pain and put you to sleep." She smiled and left the room again.

I bit my lip as I looked between the three of them. Sighing I took a huge breath, realizing that, yea, maybe a shower would do me some good since I hadn't had one in over 24 hours. Glancing back at Alex, I nodded, "Yea, um, I could use a shower, but uh, could you give me a sec, I'll be right there..."

Alex nodded as he and Spencer left the room. Moving to sit on the bed next to Ryan, "Babe, I really do want to stay, but I kind of need to bathe...and sleep for that matter," I bit my lip, looking at the IV, "I hope this thing works for you..." laughing softly, I ran him fingers up his side then down to rest on the ridge of his cast, "So, how's this gonna effect our sex life?" again laughing, I turned to lean down, pulling the sheet that covered him from the side to kiss the skin right above the cast. I pecked it lightly for a few moments before I covered him back up and smiled at him.

I wasn't sure why, but I felt tears coming to my eyes again. I still didn't want to leave, but I knew I had to take care of myself too. Licking my lips, I balanced my hand next to him as I closed the gap between us, "I love you Ry..." I let out as I pressed my lips to his. It started as just a simple kiss, then I opened my mouth to take his bottom lip into mine. He tasted like a hamburger, but at the moment, I didn't care, I just enjoyed the feel of his lips on mine. And ability to taste him again.

I kissed Brendon back with a small smile on my lips. Hearing him say he loved me was something I was going to need to hear from him a lot more often then just every so often. But whatever the nurse put into my IV was working fast. I was already starting to feel very sleepy, but I didn't want to fall asleep while kissing him, that would just be sad.

I struggled to stay awake enough to kiss him and say goodbye. I tried to lift my hand up to touch his cheek. I tried to open my eyes and whisper his name. But try as hard as I could, she gave me something strong and sleep took me and sucked me into the depths of darkness, but at least I fell asleep to something that made me happy and fell asleep with a smile on my lips and Brendon's against mine. It would give me good dreams.

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 22:36:50 GMT

Title: Black Magma STANDALONE
Author: howido_fics
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Ryan(pov)/Bren/Zacky
Summary: Ry wants to give Bren the perfect Birthday present
Disclaimer: Completely fake
Author's Note: I am sorry it sucks> I was rushed and ~~ask Ty~~ I am horrible under pressure.
Dedication: Happy Birthday Kayt...I'll make it up to you!

"It's April...you know what that means..." I smiled to my boyfriend of two years.

"Eh," he grunted turning over to expose his bare ass as I sat there crossed legged, naked.

I smirked, slapping his bum, "Come on now, Bren...tell Ryry what you want for your birthday, the big 2-0..."

This, of course earned another groan, but I wasn't gonna give up that easy. What the hell do you get a guy who has everything? Bren was the type of person, that if he wanted something, he would go get it, which left me as a bad boyfriend who gave stupid gifts.

But, I wasn't going to let it happen this time.

"Bren, please, just, just name THREE things that you want, and I'll pick one, there has to be three things out there that you want to buy, but haven't yet..."

He grumbled then turned around, looking pissed, but soon a smirk crossed his face. Placing his arms across his chest he cleared his throat, looking me dead in the eye, "Ok, number one, I want you to fuck me while I get my dick sucked, number two, I want you to fuck me with a dildo up your ass, and number three, I want Zacky Vengeance to give me a blowjob..." with that, he gave me a huge grin, slapped my shocked face playfully and walked into the bathroom.

SEXESEXESEXESEXESEXESEXESEXESEXES

Well, the day had arrived, and I had pulled a few strings, ok, so maybe more than a few, but for once, I was going to give my boyfriend what he wanted.

~~Exactly what he wanted.~~

But, of course, those things always came with consequences.

HUGE consequences...

I bit my lip as I entered our hotel LA. He thought this was my gift. A small getaway for the two of us, but, well, it was, butt yea, there was more.

I opened the door to the hotel room after a three hour absence, letting myself in, I peaked around the corner, seeing Bren on the bed, "Fuck, Ry, where the hell have you been, you went to get ice, like three hours ago, Jesus Christ, you left me here with a fucking hard on, and I had to watch some cheap ass porn to get rid of it, and you, you fucking come back without any goddamn ice..."

Sighing, I heard a slight snicker ~~hoping Bren had missed, and luckily he did~~. I gulped as I walked over to him, making sure I was in view of the door. Climbing up on the bed, Bren gave me a weird look as I took off my shirt, revealing my hairless body. My bottom lip found a permanent spot between my teeth as I reached for my waist, unbuttoning my pants, unzipping them, and wiggling until they fell in a thud with my belt on the bed.

"Ry, Jesus, where the? What the fu... Where's your hair?" Bren kneeled next to me, running his hands down my body. ~~My pretty much prepubescent body.~~ I heard him gasp as he lifted up my cock, then my balls, and basically stuck his head between my legs to investigate. And yes, from, well, jaw to toe, I was completely hairless.

None on the legs, the arms, the chest, the chin, the pits, and sweet mother, my ~~sexy~~ happy trail was gone.

"Fuck, Ry," Bren gave me a weird look, "I wanted to have sex with my sexy boyfriend, not a 12 year old boy..."

Looking down, I shook my head, turning around so he came face to face with my ass. I hissed as he ran his fingers across the newly formed scabs and ink, "'A7X'..." he read as he left out a gargled sound, "Ry, what the fuck?" he slapped my ass as I bit my tongue sharply, tears forming at my eyes as Zacky came around the corner clapping.

"Bravo! Bravo!" he winked at Bren, "What?" he pouted slightly, "Aren't you excited that your boyfriend is fulfilling your birthday wish?" walking up to me, he ran his finger down my chest, "Now, what was is, Brendon wanted me to suck his cock?" I nodded, gulping, "Well, well Brendon," I turned to see the two of them, hissing as my ass connected with the comforter, "You didn't think I would suck your cock just like that," he snapped his fingers, "Now did you?" Shaking his head before he answered, he shoved Bren's naked body flat against the bed, "Of course not, now," he looked at me and laughed, "Every tour and, well," he smirked, "Every time you fuck your boyfriend ever again, it will be a reminder of me," he grinned, and honestly it took everything in me not to ~~pin him down and fuck him right now~~ smack him. Cocky bastard!

He stood there, looking between Bren and I for a few moments, "So, we gonna get this thing moving or something, my girl is very much so naked and tied to my bed, and well, has been for the past three hours, so the sooner the better, now, you," he pointed to Bren, "On your knees...And you," he smirked at me, "Go get the bag..."

Chills ran down my spin as he winked at me, like a dog with a tail between my legs ~~a nude, naked hairless dog~~ I walked over to the bag and pulled out the Black Magma that Zacky insisted on me buying. No, we couldn't go for the small shiny pink one, we had to go with the biggest girth and length. I eyed it again as I brought it over to Zacky. Gulping.

"Oh, come on now, you love your boyfriend, right?" I nodded, "And you said you would do anything to give him what he wanted for his birthday, right?" again, I nodded, "So what's the big deal, you have me and a dildo...Perfect!" he let out an evil laugh. Looking over at Brendon, he was facing the headboard, but staring back at the two of us. I gave him a weak smile. "What? You gonna eye fuck him all night? Grab the damn lube and get him ready!"

I squealed as I was slapped on the ass for the third time of the night. Um, yea, we won't talk about the first one, Ok? Thanks...

Grabbing the lube, I climbed up on the bed, behind Bren, spreading his legs with my knees as I kneeled in between him, beginning to insert a finger. "Oh, no, no, no, no..." Zacky started, causing us both to sigh, this prick was gonna be more trouble then it was worth, I should have just bought Bren the fucking Hilary Duff CD and got it over with. "Ryan, now, you aren't gonna be able to kneel like that," he grabbed on of my legs and placed it outside Bren's, walking around and doing the same with the other. I felt like I was being spread in half, but then, he tapped Bren's back with the Magma, and I knew his reasonings, "Remember this?" he grinned, and I flipped him off, "Oh, not so much, that's what Cletus is for."

"Cletus?" Bren and I both asked simultaneously.

"Yea, while you two were over here eye fucking each other, I took the liberty of naming your little friend," he tossed the 8 inch piece of hard rubber in his hands, "Quite fitting don't you think?"

Wincing, I pushed Bren's legs a little closer together, earning another remark from Zacky, stating that he would need to get his head and hand in there somewhere.

Really, was Bren's birthday this important?

Staring down at Bren, there was so much lust in his eyes, I decided so. Shit. He better love me even more after this.

With all the small talk out of the way, everyone was lubed up ~~including Cletus~~ as Zacky laid down on his back looking up at us, "Well, do your thing..." he shrugged, still clothed from head to toe. This was gonna be weird.

Sighing, I thrust into Bren, moaning instantly with him. I was about to pull back when I heard Zacky stop me, "Not yet, Cletus wants a turn..." I heard him laugh from below Bren and my bodies, luckily I couldn't see the fucker, or I probably would have kneed him in the nose.

This time I screamed while he slammed the dildo ~~Cletus~~ straight into my ass. No warning, no slowness, nothing. And fuck if four fingers didn't even prepare me for this.

"Shit," Bren moaned, "I think I feel that in my ass..."

All I wanted was for this shit to get moving, and Bren to be in Zacky's mouth so the little cocksucker would just shut the fuck up!

So we let the games begin...

With each thrust into Bren, Zacky slammed the dildo in and out of me. It was a chain reaction of groans and grunts. And really, if Zacky hadn't been in there, it might not have been that bad. But it was Zacky, the fucker who made me ink my virgin body, shave away the </strike>minimal</strike> manhood I had, and who got to suck on my beautiful boyfriend's cock.

But, at least Bren was enjoying it. I mean, like, really really, really enjoying. And, well, ok, as much as I was, this dildo thing really wasn't doing much for me. It was just in and out and in and out. And, I could do that to myself, really. Something had to change.

"For fuck's sake..." I let out as I removed a hand from Brendon's shoulder, grabbing the dildo from Zacky's hand and angling the base towards the ceiling. Choking out a moan, I doubled over, thrusting into Brendon as hard as I could, causing him to scream, and Zacky to cough ~~oh, but a muffled cough as Bren's cock was forged down his throat~~. Ah, yes, there were sweet, sweet rewards, and paybacks are a bitch!

I didn't last long after I found my prostate, and Zacky, thinking he was doing harm or something only thrust Cletus harder into, but, oh, sweet Zacky, on the contrary it only made it better...

Now it was my turn to smirk as I raised my body perpendicular to the bed, arching my back, forcing the dildo only a few inches in ~~hitting me dead on~~. I let go, come filling my boyfriend and sliding out to drip and connect with Zacky's cheek.

"...UCK!" he gurgled as I pulled out of Bren, holding him up so he could still stay in Zacky's mouth, but not smash him. Leaning down, I pressed my lips to Zacky's cheek, making eye contact as I licked my come of his face then raised up to do the same with Bren's ass.

And that was all it took for Bren to come in Zacky's mouth. Shuddering and shaking and repeating my name over and over.

Zacky sat up as quick as he could, running to the bathroom as I pulled Bren into me, cuddling up on the bed. We laughed as we heard some gagging followed by the flushing of the toilet and the running of the water. He came back out, meeting our cheeky smiles, "Fuck you guys are crazy!" he shook his head, trying not to smirk, "Here I thought I was gonna have to do all the dirty work, but you enjoyed ever minute of it..."

Bren and I turned to look at each other, smiling then kissing, he pulled back first, "MMM, you taste like you!" he grinned.

I nodded, running my fingers along his limp cock, connecting with the semi wet come and saliva. Bringing them up to my lips, I licked myself clean as Zacky stood there in awe.

"Shit," he muttered, "I wish my girl would do that..." he shook his head, exiting the room.

Bren and I giggled as we kissed. This time I pulled back, "Happy Birthday Beau!"

"Thank you Ryan Ross, I love you," he sighed, "So," pulling the comforter over us, "I know it's a while away, but what do you want for your birthday?"

"Hmm..." I muttered as I curled up against his chest, completely spent, "How about Frank Iero..."