Entry tags:

this is bullshit

Title: This is Bullshit (51/60)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan Spencer/Alex
Rating: R
Summary: Spencer takes Ryan to LA for a visit. Primarily Spencer/Ryan's POV
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.




PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO FONT COLOR...MAINLY SPENCER (green) AND RYAN (blue)

It was finally about 10am and Ryan was asleep in the passenger seat as were approaching the California border. We’d had a busy morning getting ready; waking up, showering, breakfast, picking up Brendon, driving back to Ryan’s, packing his car, eating (yes again, (what? Ryan's mom was like the best cook ever...just don't tell my mom I said that), getting Ryan in the car, dropping Bren of at work, him saying goodbye and walking inside before running back out to say goodbye again.

I sighed as I plugged in the iPod Ryan's mom had so generously given me to take him out to LA. Little did she know, I would have done it for free to see Alex, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. I never had an iPod before. My parents would rather pay for my college education and that of my siblings then to spend money on such things. And my values were about the same. The only thing I really owned was my drum kits, and they were my life.

Bren let me import some of his music onto the iPod for the ride up, and then when we got back, he was going to allow me to use his computer to get some more songs on there. Normally, I was just fine with my Discman and cds. Hell, I used to be content with hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes. I wasn't sure if it was the band or the new friends I have acquired, but lately, I have been thinking more highly of materialistic things and well, fashion.

Bobbing my head to Blink, I smiled as I tuned out the bass and guitar, just listening to Travis pound on the drums. He really was a god. Not paying attention to the road, I slammed on the brakes as a car cut me off. I glanced over at Ryan, hopefully not jarring him from sleep. He looked so peaceful in doing so.

Frowning to myself, I opened my eyes and looked around what was outside the car before glancing over at Spence. "Forget how to drive for a minute? Or do you need a break to sleep yourself? I'd offer to drive a bit...but...um..." I shut up because not only could I not because of the leg in the cast, but I also figured I couldn't because I was officially terrified of driving, let alone getting in a car. I was told by the counselor they sent to see me in the hospital that it would be a while before I felt comfortable driving let alone being in a car. I trusted everyone who I got into a car with, but that didn't stop me from being jumpy or nervous.

I glanced at my hands which were gripping onto the seat beneath me, my knuckles were white. I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax my grip on the chair and crossed my arms over my waist as I looked out the window. "So..." I had to break the silence, even though it wasn't really silent. There was music playing which I hadn't realized before. Biting my lip I glanced at the stereo before noticing it was connected to an iPod. Reaching down I picked it up and looked at it.

"Wow, Spence, when did you get this?" I looked over at him with my eyebrows raised. "This is pretty sweet. I wanted one of these, but I have the one Bren gave me, and it’s worked well enough for me. But this...wow, it holds tons of songs, and videos too!" I started playing with it to see what he had on it. "Just think...we can take videos of the band and you can watch them on your iPod..." Smiling, I looked back up at him, realizing I was getting carried away with it. I was jealous a little, how could I not when it looked like it was the most expensive iPod they made? I loved my iPod from Bren, but still, I hadn't decided if I wanted to get the newest model and most expensive one or not since mine was a gift. It felt a little wrong of me to be like 'thanks for the gift Bren, but I want something better.'

I gulped and suddenly blushed, remembering the reason I was driving Ryan out here in the first place, because he was in a car accident. Now here I was slamming on my brakes while Ry was in the car. Well, it's not that I couldn't hit the brakes, I just needed to be more cautious. I mean, if I hadn't slammed the brakes, then I probably would have...ok, brain, you can shut the fuck up any minute!

I managed to look over at Ryan and smile, "Yea, sorry about that, some jackass with Ohio plates was being, well, whatever you call jackasses from Ohio," I shrugged, turning the volume down on the music, "This," I pointed to the iPod, then gripped the steering wheel again. It occurred to me that I needed to be more conscious of how I was driving with Ryan in the car. I wasn't sure how he would be with me driving one handed, or staring off into space. In all reality, I just needed to relax, if I was intense and freaked out, then he would rub off on it too.

"Um," I scratched my ear. DAMMIT SPENCE! HANDS ON THE WHEEL! I cleared my throat, "Didn't your mom tell you? I mean, I thought that was part of the deal, or like, Bren told you or something, she ah," I wasn't sure if his mother wanted him to know, or if she was too anxious over him that she let it slip, "She gave this to me in turn for driving you out to LA," I let the last part come out quieter than the beginning, not quite sure how he would take it. "And, um, yea, like the whole band can use it, cause, I mean, I don't even know how..." I tried, smiling quickly.

I laughed softly and looked at the iPod again. "So this is how she convinced you to drive me to LA so I wouldn't have to take a plane alone?" I grinned and looked over at him. "She didn't tell me she bought you an iPod. But you deserve it Spence, don't share it with the band, keep it. You didn't have to drive me all the way to LA when you should be using the time to be getting ready to go off to school. Besides...you can't really share it with the band when you're not actually in the city around all of them during school. So don't even suggest it. Mom bought it for you, you keep it."

I put the iPod down where I'd picked it up from. "However, you do need more music on there, it's almost empty for how much it can hold!" I laughed softly and reached around into the back seat to grab one of the drinks from the small cooler mom had packed for us. My throat felt dry and definitely needed to be lubricated. I pulled a bottle of juice from the cooler and settled back into my seat, opening the bottle and taking a drink before putting it down.

"Okay, so where are we anyway? I mean, how long was I asleep and how much farther do we have to go? And I swear I won't keep asking that throughout the rest of the trip, but...yeah, since I was asleep and all." I grinned and took another sip of my drink before looking over at Spence again. "Oh, shit, sorry, did you want a drink from the back? I'll grab you whatever...and um..Are we going to need to grab food? You know, lunch or something? Shit I ask a lot of questions."

Blushing, I looked away again. Spence and I had never really been alone together much. I mean, a few minutes sure, but several hours? Never. It was strange to be hanging out with him without Brendon or the band around. It was even strange to be hanging out with him without Alex being there. I know it was more like going on a road trip than hanging out, but we were still alone together and I always thought road trips should only be done with your closest friends. Of course, the other choice was the trip making us closer, which, considering we were dating each other's best friends, was probably a good thing to hope for from the trip.

"No, no, it's not like that, I mean, I wanted to drive you, cause you know, I could see Alex and..." I sighed, gripping the steering wheel tighter, "I'll just stop digging myself deeper, ok?" I shrugged, hoping to drop the subject.

"Oh great," I joked, "You are one of them..." laughing, I tried to explain myself, "I mean, one who asks a shit ton of questions." Shaking my head, I shrugged, "It's cool, I'd rather answer questions then have a backseat driver." I stated matter of factly before pointing to my drink in the middle console, "Sorry, I already helped myself to one when we were sitting in traffic, it took us like a half an hour to get through some hold up outside of Vegas, so, we are slightly behind in schedule, but I knew there would be traffic, so you won't be late or anything for your afternoon meeting, I guarantee it. And uh, we have like three more hours."

Smiling at Ryan, I thought it was surreal, I mean, the fact that he was getting all nervous or something around me. I could honestly say, if it hadn't been for Alex, I would be nervous around Ryan. I knew for a fact that if it were just Brendon who connected the two of us, that I would be a stuttering fool in front of Ryan. Sure, we had some classes and mutual friends in high school, but I sort of always looked up to him in some way. I laughed, thinking about how I had never mentioned that to anyone before, so, I guessed being about three hours from our destination was better than ever.

"Yea, so, this may be kind of weird, but like, in high school, I like idolized you or something," I blushed, using my signal to pass a slow car, "And if Alex was ever around you, say in the hallway or something, I would go completely out of my way as to not pass you guys in the hall. I mean, when you were alone, you were a completely different person then when you were with Alex, and I," I bit my lip, thinking back, "I don't mean that in a bad way, but I was, like, even more nervous when it was the two of you together. Jealous, maybe, but definitely more nervous."

Raising my eyebrows I looked at Spencer closely before laughing softly. "You're serious? Wow...wait, jealous?" I shook my head and looked out the window, biting my lip a little. I remembered Spence a little bit from high school, not a lot, but a little bit and I'd have never expected to hear that out of him, of course, in high school I hadn't really given him a lot of thought. Everything pretty much changed with me dating Bren and getting reintroduced to Spencer.

"What...I mean.." My eyebrows furrowed a little bit and I looked back over at him feeling just a little bit embarrassed by this topic. Here was my best friend's...I wasn't sure if they'd actually declared themselves boyfriends yet, but I viewed them as such...so my best friend's boyfriend was saying that he was jealous and nervous around Alex and me in high school. I couldn't understand why, I didn't see us as much of anything to be intimidated by.

"Why were you...jealous? Or nervous? We weren't really anything special or anything...I mean...what was there about us to be jealous or intimidated by?" I bit my lip and furrowed my eyebrows as I was trying to think. I had to admit, that had to be part of the reason why I didn't really remember Spence from high school much. If he avoided me and Alex like he was admitting to, then I wouldn't really have many memories to tie to him. Maybe we shared the school, some classes, a few things and all, but if he avoided me then there wasn't much to remember.

It was a bit of an uncomfortable thought because I guess, at least in my head, the idea of him being jealous and intimidated meant that he had been interested. How do you take the idea of your best friend's boyfriend having been interested in you a few years ago in high school?

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I didn't mean jealous so much as... Sighing, I turned the music down even more, so the sound of the road filled the car more than, I squinted to hear, not even sure why squinting helped me hear, but it did, Motion City Soundtrack. I knew I had to choose my words wisely, because I was aware that this may get back to Alex before I get a chance to tell him. Not that it was a big deal, but just something that I thought about.

"Not really jealous of you or anything, but I mean, all the girls thought you guys were hot, and like, you guys were so close, and it would have been cool to have a friend that was like you too, I mean, you were somewhat inseparable or something, and me, well, I mean, I had friends, but no one like you guys were. Hell, Bren was my closest friend, and he went to another school. So, that did intimidate me," I shrugged, "And I wished sometimes that I was in you guys' clique cause you didn't seem to care what other people thought, and, I dunno, it was just like, you guys had it made or something, like, everything you had was right between you, and no one else seemed to matter..."

I was fully aware that I was just rambling by now, but I hoped I had gotten my point across, "Oh," I let out a huff, "And my girlfriend thought Alex was the hottest thing to walk the face of the earth." Shaking my head, I laughed, "Oh if she could see me now," thinking about her face when I told her some of the things Alex and I had been doing, I smiled, looking back to Ryan, "I didn't mean to freak you out by any of that. I mean, you guys just seemed untouchable, so like in a way, unapproachable too, but," I smiled again to him, "I am glad I was wrong."

I smirked slightly as I regarded Spence. "Well, we were and are inseparable. No offense to you or Bren or anything, but even the two of you dating us won't separate us. I mean...I can only imagine when he and I are like 85, old and crotchety, we'll be living together in a retirement home and either hitting on the other men together or hitting on each other. It's who we were in high school, that's who we are now, and I am pretty damn sure it's who we will be in the future. So yeah, I guess that can be pretty intimidating, a friendship so strong that no one can get between it."

I nodded a little and leaned back against the seat some, shifting as my leg was starting to bother me a little. It had been doing that lately and the doctors said it was because it was healing. I just hoped they were right. Pretty much every visible reminder of the accident had faded and gone away, I had a couple scars, scars that'd probably never go away, but I still had the reminder with that horrid cast and broken leg.

"It's also something I know a lot of people were jealous of in school. Hell, some still are." I bit my lip as I was thinking a little before looking back over at him and smiling. "But yeah, just because we're so tight and...well, untouchable, didn't mean we were unapproachable. So yeah, you were wrong, and I'm glad you were too. I don't like people thinking that we're like that because we're so much more than just tight and close friends."

I shrugged a little and then smirked mischievously. "So you weren't secretly in love with us?"

I nodded along to him, then couldn't help but laugh at that last comment, "You know, in high school, I could have very much so been in denial, I mean, I had a girlfriend who I liked very much, but I mean, I was manly enough to know that you guys were very handsome, and well, still are, but no, not really secretly in love with you. Wanted to be you and look like you, hell yes."

I patted my stomach, "I wasn't as hot back then as I am now," I joked, wincing slightly as I thought back to my 'pudgy' stage. My parents always said it was easier to feed us bad food then healthy food. Think about it, what was cheaper? Fruit and vegetables or a frozen pizza? We always had carbohydrates in the house over vegetables, unless they were frozen or canned, simply because that's what we could afford. That's what was wrong with the world, making bad food cheap. Damn McDonalds.

Looking back towards Ryan, I started, "That's great that you to have that. And you guys living together next semester, that is going to be crazy, don't you think. I can hardly get Alex to change the subject when we are on the phone sometimes," I blushed, well, unless we were having phone sex or something, "But really, that is pretty sweet, thinking that like, you guys will be together again like that. And you two, Rylex or something can take over the world again," I laughed at the name, then used the buttons on the wheel to turn up the sound again, not to drown out a chance of conversation, but to give us some background noise, plus, it was Bright Eyes, and I liked this song.

I nodded to myself as I looked out the window, my lips curving into a smile. Living with Alex again was something I was looking forward to greatly after LA. I'd gotten so caught up in living with him I guess there had been a part of me that was in denial that I'd ever live without him there for day to day life again. There was a part of me that never wanted to be without him again, but I wasn't sure that it was something Spence or Bren could understand, or would ever want to understand. They were our boyfriends and their boyfriends had a connection between them that made me damn near dependent on having Alex in my life, in my every day life. It wasn't like we were going to get back together, but it also wouldn't be like there wasn't that something that made us Rylex.

My gaze returned to Spence and I grinned a little at him. "I can't tell you how happy he made me by telling me he was transferring home. I think I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said he made my life by saying that." I shrugged a little and took another drink before biting my lip. I loved the fact that Spence was driving me to LA to do what I needed to do and all, but I also knew it meant I'd probably go the entire time in what was my room in the apartment and hearing the two of them having crazy sex constantly in Alex's room. I thought that if that was the case I'd go and crash on the couch of one of the other guys the entire time I was in LA just so I didn't have to live through that.

"Are...are you going to stay here the whole time I have to be here? Or are you gonna head home for a while and come back and get me? Alex said they have a bunch of stuff for us to do...so it sounds like we'll all be pretty busy with the end of the internship getting close and all." I played with the bottle in my lap and wanted us to get to LA already so I could see Alex. I just didn't know if I was looking forward to initially seeing him because he'd have to greet me or Spence first, and if he greeted Spence first I felt I'd probably feel a bit hurt, and if he greeted me first then I didn't want Spence to be hurt. This was certainly going to turn into an interesting experience with Spence, we both were going to want Alex's attention.

I smiled at Ryan as he spaced out at the mention of Alex. There definitely was something between those two. I remembered how Bren felt when he saw them together and the insecurities he had towards Alex being around. Could you really blame him? Alex was fucking hot. And at the moment, he was all mine sexually. I could say all mine, but we didn't talk about that, plus, if I even thought about mentioning that to Ryan, I was sure he would throw fists. He may have a gimp, but I was sure those fingers could do some damage.

Tapping the steering wheel to Taking Back Sunday, seriously, I didn't know Brendon had such good taste in music. Smiling, it instantly faded as Britney Spears came on. I picked up the iPod and changed the song before too much damage was made. To my ears, that was.

I passed a green car on the right and sped in front of them to avoid a truck, hopefully Ryan wasn't paying to much attention, and it wasn't like I was risking our lives or anything. I was aware of the surroundings, "Yea, I'm staying the whole week," I grinned, realizing that we hadn't much talked about it, "My cousin is in his second year in LA, so I'm visiting him and helping him move into his new apartment," I pointed to the back, "Which is what all those boxes are for, his mother wants them out of the house, so I offered to take them. Alex mentioned that you would be busy the whole time, so, I plan on staying out of the way as much as possible, unless, like you need a ride or help or something when no one else is around. Lord knows Bren would kick my ass if I didn't make sure to do everything for you that Alex isn't doing."

Looking over at Ryan, I took in his profile, "You are really good to him, I mean, I have never seen him so happy, and well in love with anything as long as I have known him."

I blushed a little and looked down, biting my lip a little as I played with my fingers and the bottle in them. I really wasn't sure what kind of a response I was supposed to give Spence about Brendon and being good for him and him being in love. Sure, we said we loved each other and everything but actually hearing it coming out of someone else's mouth was a little embarrassing to me although I wasn't sure why. It wasn't like I didn't love Brendon and it wasn't like I didn't know he loved me. But honestly, how would you react if your boyfriend's best friend told you that you were good for him and he was overly in love with you? Exactly.

So, instead of giving a response that I didn't have, I changed the subject back to Alex and the week. "You don't have to stay away all week, Spence. You can stay with us, even if you can't or won't the whole week, but...I'm sure Lex would like to see you...and...you know...have you spend the night..." I looked away at the thought of that, I really didn't want to think about the two of them together even though I'd already seen it enough.

"But...I mean, you've got things to do while you're there too, so at least you won't be bored. And I don't think I'll need you to be there for a ride, the other guys are probably going to want to do much of that themselves, although thanks for the offer, Spence, I really appreciate it. And I'll definitely let you know if I do need you to be there for something. I haven't been told the whole itinerary yet, which I think I'll get this afternoon, but they'll let me know what I'll be doing and where I'll have to be so I can plan transportation and everything. I think there's a show coming up one night that the guys are all working which I obviously can't work." I realized I was talking a lot and took another drink to ease my throat.

"You'll go to the show, right?" I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and smiled almost shyly as I remembered the last show in LA I did with someone from home, of course, that was with Bren.

Shrugging, I replied, "Eh, I'll make myself scarce," I laughed, "I know you guys will be busy, and yes, I'll see Alex, but I know you will want to see him too, and sleep in his bed too, so I can have the couch or your bed or Eric's place or something, so don't you worry about me, I am here for you first and foremost, to make sure you get to where you need to go. I mentioned doing it for Brendon, but damn, your mom is intense!"

Laughing again at the memory of me sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for Bren this morning eating some toast, his mother gave me the run down of all I had to do. Shaking my head at the thought, I moved around in the seat, my ass becoming numb. Settling back to a spot, I answered his question, "Me? Miss a show? Oh hell no, that would be sweet, I mean, even if you guys weren't working one, I would still like to see something in LA, you know, check out the venues before our band plays here," I teased.

I leaned back in the chair more, stretching my left leg, "Hey, I know we are on somewhat of a schedule," I looked over at Ryan, "But do you care if I hit up a gas station the next exit?" I asked, read the sigh we were approaching, "Better yet, there's a rest stop in three miles, and I really could piss, what about you? You need to go to? Or maybe stretch a little?" I reached down and drained the rest of my water, re-screwing the now empty bottle and placing it between my legs so I would remember to throw it out. That was one of my biggest pet peeves, trash in the car.

I laughed softly about my mom and smiled before shrugging a little. "She is, but I know it's because she's worried about me and me being taken care of and all. She trusts you I think, but she's still worried. I hope she didn't freak you out too much with how dramatic she was about everything." Seeing Spence shift and attempt to stretch, I tried to do the same even though I didn't have much room to move.

"And thanks Spence, it's good to know you'll be around and waiting and all. I feel bad if you end up on the couch though...so if you're crashing at our apartment you should at least have one of the beds...I think...knowing Alex...I'll be in his bed because there's more space...but, I dunno if he was expecting you to be there too...so maybe I'll be in mine. I dunno. I guess we'll have to see what he says when we get there. I'm sure...you know...he'd want to...um...you know..." I bit my lip deciding to just shut up and change the subject because as comfortable as I was with discussing sex, I wasn't comfortable with discussing my best friend's sex life with the guy he was sleeping with.

"I think we should get lunch. I know it's a little early still but we'll beat the rush, we'll have food in us and we can be out of the car for a little while and you can use the bathroom. I think it'd feel good to walk, or hobble around for a little bit." We approached another sign that said what food places were at the rest area and I grinned. "So, it looks like McDonalds, Subway or Starbucks. That means we can get our junk food fix and a coffee fix at the same time while feeling guilty walking past Subway. I think that sounds like the perfect plan to me. I think I want a double cheeseburger, french fries and a vanilla shake."

__________________________________

The stop at the rest area took longer than expected. We got some food and walked around a while, losing track of time while watching some kids play on the jungle gym thing. It made me miss the band, we used to go to the local McDonalds after shows cause the chick who worked there had the hots for Steve, so she let us play even when it was closed at like midnight.

We were back on the road and to the apartment in no time. Ryan and I had some actually good conversation talking about anything from music to Brendon to the new hoodies at Hot Topic. He was really easy to talk to, I could see why Bren liked being around him so much, well, besides the fact that they were boyfriends, but he could hold a conversation, and always had something to say.

Once we made it to the street that the apartment was on, I could tell that Ryan was getting anxious, just by the way he was passing out directions. Without him looking, I texted Alex, like we had planned, to let him know we were on our way, so he could meet us at the door. I was going go get gas or go to the store to get some food so Ryan and Alex could have some time together. So far, everything was going as planned. As I turned to find a parking spot, Alex came walking, ok, running, out.

I parked and hopped out of the car, walking around the back to open the door for Ryan. I smiled at Alex then looked to the back, "I'm just gonna go, um, call Eric, I was supposed to as soon as I got here, so, um, I'll be right up," I smiled at the two of them, pulling out my phone and walking away, as I might need privacy.

Before I even realized what was going on I was wrapped up in Alex's arms and pressed against his body. My arms managed to find a way around him and I held on as tightly as I could, it felt amazing to be back in his arms. He smelled good, he smelled very very good. "Lex..." I burrowed my face down into the curve of his neck and nuzzled a little against him as I clung onto him. I would have been happy to have stayed right there, like that, half in and half out of the car and out in public. I really didn't care, it just mattered that I had Alex and it seemed he felt the same because he was not pulling away at all.

When he finally loosened his grip on me and I was able to look up at him I about lost it. Emotions were hard to deal with sometimes, and it seemed that the accident and the distance were making it very hard to deal with when it came to him. He pulled my lips to his and gave me a sound kiss before releasing me and managing to find a way to pick me up. I laughed but clung to him. "I can walk Lex. You know that I can!"

He smirked and nodded as he looked into my face. "I know you can, but you're here and I'm gonna baby you like I couldn't when I came home. No offense, but your boyfriend took away my ability to baby and spoil you rotten. Well, now you're here and he's not and it's my turn to spoil you and baby you and pamper you."

I grinned as I brushed his hair aside and tilted my head slightly to lean it against his. "Just don't forget Spence is here too and he has orders from mom and Bren about taking care of me, so you may not get to do all of it yourself. You might have some help in that field."

He shrugged slightly and pulled me a little closer as he carried me into the apartment building and up to our apartment. Nothing had changed, not really, it still had both of us to it, but it smelled more like Alex and it felt a little more like Alex than I thought it felt like me. It didn't matter to me though, it was like coming home in so many ways. "Okay Ry, we've got just a couple hours until the meeting, so, you wanna take a nap? Wanna eat? What would you like to do? We can do anything as long as it's with you."

I laughed and shrugged. "We should wait for Spence, and we need to get my shit out of the car and all..."

I called Eric and told him I made it in safely and we arranged a time to meet up tonight so he could treat me to dinner. Eric was an only child, and his parents treat him like it. That was the thing with him though, he didn't act like a spoiled brat, and when we were together, he acted like it was family money, not just his. So, sue me if I liked being spoiled somewhat too by him.

I couldn't wait to see him. I wanted him to meet Alex and Ryan, because he too was into a lot of the stuff they were, plus they were his age, not that a year was much different but still. I was somewhat nervous though, because I had yet to tell him I was gay. I knew he would care less what my sexual orientation was, I also knew that he would be completely shocked.

Walking back to my car, I managed to get all of Ryan's stuff and hoist it somehow on my body so I could take it up to their place. I glanced at my watch, ten minutes, hopefully that was a long enough time for them to be alone right now. Plus, I could stand to take a nap, so I could leave them alone again while I slept. I just hated being in the way. not that me being there would refrain them from being themselves, it was just...I dunno. I nor Brendon were quite aware of what actually goes on between those too. It was cool, yet somewhat unbelievably surreal the way they act together. But Bren and I were slowly getting used to it.

I made my way upstairs, only dropping his shit in the hallway once, and I knocked on their door, waiting for Alex to answer. Well, hopefully he wouldn't make Ryan get up and get the door.

Alex had put me into his bed without really listening to me about Spence. He'd gone to do something or get something and I, like a stubborn ass, got up and hopped my way out of his room even though being on and in his bed screamed 'take a nap.' I was too happy to be back in LA and back with Alex to want to take a nap unless it was with him. As I hopped into the hall I realized just how damn clingy I was being and I'd barely said anything to him at all, I wasn't sure he'd noticed but I was sure he would if I kept it up.

"I thought we were going to wait for Spence, Lex. Or...oh, shit...did you wanna like...greet him without me around so you guys could...well...do what ever you guys want, like...kiss or something?"

Alex looked up from the kitchen where he was pulling something out of the fridge. He shook his head and shrugged. "I can kiss Spence in front of you if that’s what he and I want to do. But no, I decided that I wanted to throw you a little, private 'welcome home' party...so..." He pulled out a cake and put it on the counter between us and I couldn't help but laugh softly in happiness, it was nice to be welcomed back by him, even if it wasn't totally home, I mean, it was, but it wasn't, I was a little torn in that sense.

He came around the island to help me, scooping me up in his arms again when we heard the knock on the door. He carried me with him as he went over to open it for Spence because who else would it have been? "Hey Spence, want to join our 'welcome home' party?" He grinned at his boyfriend/lover/friend with benefits.

I grinned from ear to ear when I walked into the apartment, "A party huh?" I asked, looking around to see if anyone else was there, then shrugged, dropping the stuff inside the door and moving out of the way to close it, "You know me, I wouldn't miss a party for anything," I laughed following them over to the kitchen.

Smiling at the cake, I shook my head behind Alex then walked up to place my hand on the small of his back, "Wow Alex, you went all out," I teased, kissing his neck quickly before pulling back, "I'm just going to go wash up or something, you know go to the bathroom, but cut me a piece if you guys are breaking into it," I wiggled my brows at the both of them then walked into the bathroom, texting Brendon that we made it safely.

While I pissed, I called my mom, classy, yes, but I knew she would be upset if I didn't. I told her I had made it safely and reassured her that I was not stepping on any toes and I was taking care of everything. I guaranteed her that there was not a scratch on the precious car. I swear, sometimes she cherished that thing more than me. Informing her that I was going to see Eric tonight, I finished up in the bathroom, then walked to the door to pick up the stuff.

I made my way into Ryan's room with the bags, figuring they could sort it out later, then walked back into the kitchen, shoved my hands in my pockets, rocked on my feet and looked at the two of them and smiled.

Alex put me down at the counter and went about pulling out plates and cutting into the cake. He put out the pieces, put a fork on the plates and then grabbed a couple glasses of milk. He knew me far too well, chocolate cake and a glass of milk, he certainly knew how to welcome me back. He looked up when Spence returned and grinned. "I know, I pull out all the stops for my boy." he smirked and shrugged. "The other guys wanted to be here, but I told them it was a private homecoming and that we'd celebrate as a group later."

I chuckled and dug into the cake, taking a bite and grinning. "Mmm...Lex, you didn't make this, did you?"

He smirked and shrugged. "What do you think Ross?"

"I think you better get over here because you did make this!" He grinned and came over, wrapping his arms around me.

"Anything for you, but you know that already." He chuckled and I pulled his lips to mine in a closed mouth, however chocolaty kiss before releasing him.

"You never told me you smuggled your grandma's recipe out of the house and to LA! We could have been eating this amazing cake the entire time I was here and you kept it from me?!" Laughing, I swatted at him before looking at Spence. "Try it. It's amazing. His grandma has this top secret recipe that she won't let anyone but her immediate blood see and no one was allowed to remove it from the house or copy it. Only one copy is allowed in existence and she has it and won't give it to anyone. And this is THE cake!"

I raised my brow at the cake story. And then couldn't help but laugh a little. A top secret recipe. Wait! What? Alex could cook? That was nice, very very nice. Grinning the whole way over to them, I took a seat next to Ryan, and taking the cake in front of me. I bit into and moaned. It was quite amazing.

Blushing, I looked over at the guys as they stared at me, "What, I agree with you," I looked to Ryan, "This is really good," I tried to smile, "And Alex," I turned to him, "You made this? Shit, it's awesome!" I filled the fork and took another bite then looked between the two of them with a toothy grin that I was sure was full of chocolate. I took a gulp of the milk like I hadn't drank in a while.

"Sorry," I found myself blushing again, see, I didn't know what it was about the two of them, but they intimidated the fuck out of me when they were together. I needed Brendon, I needed a buffer, "I really want to eat this cause it's amazing, but I also wanted to take a nap, I mean, if you guys don't mind cause I have to meet my cousin a little after 5, and um, oh yea," I nodded to Ryan, "I left a message for Brendon to tell him we made it ok," I took another bite, not even really pausing to breath.

Once I swallowed, I stood up, leaving still some of the cake on the plate, "This is too good to eat it all," I rubbed my belly to signify that I was full, then walked over to Alex. I slipped my hand around his waist as I watched him eat, "It's good to see you," I smiled to him before pecking his cheek.

I watched Spencer interact with Alex for a moment before taking another bite of my own cake. Alex was acting a little oddly and I wasn't quite sure why. I couldn't tell if it was because he was being beyond conscious of me being there or if there was something off between him and Spence. It hadn't been that long since they'd seen each other and been near all over each other, and here they were, Alex paying more attention to me than Spence and being somewhat off with him.

I caught Alex's eye and quirked an eyebrow at him, giving him our patented 'what the fuck is going on that you haven't told me' look. His eyes said to leave it and he put his fork down to turn his attention to Spencer. "Its good to see you too Spence." He grinned and slid his arm around Spence's shoulders, tugging him in closer against him. "Would you check this out, the three of us hanging out and no Brendon to be seen. How are we going to survive this week?!"

I chuckled and finished off my cake, I couldn't believe Spence had actually stopped eating it. If I were a girl I'd probably say it was better than sex, but I wasn't a girl and I never had understood why they said that chocolate was better than sex. But, the cake was better than mere chocolate so then, in the female mentality I thought it had to logically follow that that cake was better than sex.

"Alex can cook when he really puts his mind to it, only, that doesn't happen often and it usually isn't with anything like this...although..." I trailed off and grinned. "That’s what you were doing at Christmas, wasn't it? You came home to Vegas but we never saw you because you were at your grandma's learning how to make this cake!"

He laughed and shrugged. "She decided since I'm gay and therefore that makes me somewhat feminine, and none of the other grandkids had any desire to learn, she thought she'd instruct me on the art of making the cake. She thought I was the best student ever." He beamed a little before looking down at Spence. "If you wanna take Ry's bed for a nap, feel free. I get the feeling Ry will want a nap too before the meeting, but we don't want to wake you before we head off to the meeting. I'll just leave you my spare key if we leave before you wake so you can come and go as you like." He pulled away from Spence and pulled a key off the top of the fridge, putting it down on the counter in front of Spence with a grin. "You gonna be gone for the night or just the evening?"

I took the key and slipped it in my pocket, sighing, "I'm not sure what Eric has planned yet, but I know we are doing dinner for sure, and there is an 18 and up club that he wants me to check out with him, his girlfriend works there, and he wants me to meet her too, so, I dunno, we didn't really discuss it," I shrugged, "Plus, I kinda, well thought that maybe you and Ryan would want a quiet night here, I mean, like you used to."

I bit my lip. It was true, Brendon wasn't here. I knew we would survive just fine without him, and yes, I knew he was joking too. I had a feeling even that Ryan was going to have a beyond great time not really even thinking about Brendon much. I mean, if you thought about it, he was back in LA, with his best friend, doing what he loved, out of his parent’s house and out of the bed he had been stuck in for a while, I was sure he would be living it up. I knew I would.

Running my finger up Alex's arm that was balancing him on the counter, I grinned up at him once I got eye contact, "I'm cool with lying down in Ryan's bed, as long as that's cool with you," I glanced to Ryan, still running a pattern up Alex's arm. It wasn't sexual in anyway, I just wanted to touch him. I missed him since the last time I saw him. I didn't really want to tell him that, because I didn't want to freak him out or anything. I was just planning to keep my distance so that he could have his time with Ryan, knowing that I really didn't even need to be there, but well, that I was.

I shrugged and smiled before looking at Alex. "Did you put clean sheets on my bed? And yours for that matter?"

He nodded. "C'mon Ry, I'm not that bad of a host, even if I had to do everything on my own without you here to help clean up and all. I know how to do laundry and I know how to change the sheets, so it's all set."

I laughed and finished off my milk before turning back to Spence. "Then you can take my room without fear of nasty sheets and I can sleep the same later." I yawned and looked a little bashful. "Or perhaps sooner."

Laughing, I moved to get up to put the plate away when Alex shook his head and took the plate from me, moving and putting it into the sink along with my empty glass. "Okay, well, you're done with that, I think that’s a perfect pre-nap snack and I think it's about time the two of you weary travelers get a little bit of sleep." He put Spencer's unfinished cake away to save for him for later before making his way back around the counter. "I didn't see your crutches, so until we get your crutches from Spence's car, you're getting carried."

I shook my head. "I should have asked about getting a walking cast so I didn't need so much assistance." I looked over at Spence and grinned. "I have the best friends though, I won't complain about that. So...we've got our meeting, I guess we're doing a nap first...and I could definitely use it. You'll probably be gone before we get back from it, so I guess we'll either see you when you get back tonight or tomorrow. You should bring your cousin by sometime, maybe not tonight if you guys are going clubbing...damn, I wish I could go..." I pouted a little up at Alex as he picked me up and turned toward Spence.

"Do you need anything Spence? I can get you whatever you need after I throw this lump into bed, so just let me know if you need anything." He started heading toward his room. "And I agree with Ry, bring your cousin around and all, if it weren't for Ry's leg I'd say we'd go to the club with you, but I don't think we can, Ry'd be bored and you'd probably get embarrassed in front of your cousin if he doesn't know." Alex smirked and carried me into his room, putting me into his bed again.

I stood there in Ryan's room and looked around. My fingers closed around each other and rested right below my waist in front of me. I bite my lip. I really wanted to see Alex alone, if just for three seconds, but I didn't want to take him from Ryan, that would be rude. Sighing, I sat on the bed and began to take off my shoes. I swallowed and licked my lips as I set them on the floor beside me.

I got up to move back the sheets when I heard a light knock on the door. A grin spread across my face as I walked over, making sure to conceal my emotions when I opened it. Clearing my throat as I opened the door, I looked up to see Alex.

I honestly wasn't sure what had come over me, ok, well, I was positive what had come over me, the fucking sexy beast standing right there. I grabbed at Alex's shirt and pulled him back with me to the bed, my teeth yanking him by his lip piercing. Bringing him on top of me, I ran my hands up his shirt, feeling his body as my tongue explored his mouth. I moaned and thrusted up to meet his hips.

Breaking the kiss, I looked up at him smiling, "Sorry, I had to do that before I took a nap," I pecked his lips quickly, "Go take care of Ryan, I'll see you later on tonight," I wiggled my brows, "If you're lucky," and winked.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Wednesday night found me curled up on the couch while Alex and Spence were out for a little bit and I had my phone in my hand. I'd been quite busy the previous two nights with work things and Alex and Spencer, not to mention all the guys in the internship. They'd given me a pretty good welcome back the first night back in the city. The all important meeting that Spence and I had to be sure to make turned into a 'welcome home' party from the label, there were even a few bands that I'd worked with that were there. But I hadn't had the chance to talk to Brendon since I'd gotten back in the city.

I dialed Bren's number and nestled down more into the couch, trying to get even more comfortable. I'd pretty much been told that I wasn't allowed to move from the couch while Spence and Alex were gone. I knew they'd be back before long, so I did as they asked and stayed where I was, listening as the phone rang on the other end.

Mom had asked me to pick up a gallon of milk this morning since I downed the last of it on my Cheerios. I was humming through the supermarket, bobbing my head to the Journey song on the PA as I neared the back of the store to the dairy section. This week had sucked. Not only was my boyfriend, who I had spent at least 4 hours a day with in the past three weeks, gone, but also my best friend. I spent a lot of evenings in the pool or hanging out with Matt and Derek.

I snapped my fingers and slid gracefully between to people, my movements going with the music as my phone rang in my pocket. Pulling it out the same time as opening the fridge full of milk, I flipped it open and mumbled "Hello," in the phone while trying to grab a gallon and hold the door open with my hip. An old lady beside me held the door, "Oh, thanks!" I smiled, grabbing the milk and regripping the phone.

I pulled the phone back to see who was calling, having been to busy before and smiled, "Oh! Hey Ry! I was just thinking about you! How's LA? How's Spence? How's the leg? Have they been respectful and not fucking each other in front of you?" I smiled at the lady who held the door for me as she gasped. Winking at her, I walked towards the front to pay.

I laughed softly at all Brendon's questions. "And they say I ask a lot of questions..." I laid down on the couch, flipping through the muted television channels. I sighed softly before letting my eyes slip closed. It felt nice to be back in LA and on my own, even if Alex and Spence were there to take care of me I was still very much on my own.

"Hey Bren. LA is amazing, as always. I didn't realize quite how much I'd missed this place until I got back. Spence is good. He's been...well, he's been amazing really. I mean, he brought me here and all and planned the whole thing with Alex. So Alex was waiting as soon as we arrived. He's been busy with his cousin though, so he hasn't really been around us a lot. He and Lex are out right now for a little bit. Alex won't leave me for long, so I'm sure they'll be back in an hour or so. I think they went to get dinner and will probably bring home dinner for me too."

I smiled to myself and pulled the light blanket over me. "The label threw a welcome home party for me after the meeting Monday night. It was so good to see all those involved in the internship, plus everyone at the label I've worked with and they also had a bunch of band members that I'd worked with there too. You probably would have loved it."

"Wow," I smiled into the phone, "Sounds like everyone is taking real good care of you out there. That was nice of all them to do that for you. You do deserve it of course, and I'm sure they were excited about a chance to get everyone together and throw a party!" I walked past two guys picking up some beer and one of them winked at me at the word party.

Making my way to the front, I debated on whether going to the self check out and trying to do it one handed, or going through the line and being an annoying customer who talks on their cell phone the entire time they were being waited on. I chose the later, it was some creepy kid from my biology class in high school, so I could care less if I offended them.

"That's good though, as long as you take care of our drummer," I sat the milk down, noticing the beer guys right behind me, then I reached, pausing the convo to get one of those divider things, "And, obviously, as long as you take care of my sexy crippled boyfriend, I'm sure everything is going well!" I watched the cashier scan my milk, then handed her a five, "Any concerts or events they have planned for you? Or are they keeping the physical interaction small?" I asked as I grabbed my milk, change, and receipt and walked out the door.

"Don't worry, Spence is having a good time I think and he's taking care of himself and I think Alex is keeping an eye on him too, so you don't have to worry about that. And they're taking good care of me. Seriously, Alex practically won't let me be alone. I think, if he had his way, he'd be in the bathroom with me when I piss. Its good though I don't really mind too much since he's been there and done that and seen me at my absolute worst. He's supposed to help me shower later tho since I have to cover the horrid cast on my leg."

I shifted again on the couch wishing that I was in Alex's bed instead of on the couch. "He's spends the night with me to make sure I don't need anything halfway through the night or need help getting to the bathroom and everything. So he's really been good to me...he tells me I'm tense tho and need a massage." I chuckled softly. I knew Alex would give me one if I let him and I did know that I was holding stress in my shoulders in back, I was starting to think that he was right.

"There's a concert at the end of the week. They didn't tell me who it was, but Spence said he was in on going to it. The guys all have to work it but I don't, so Spence and I were joking that he'd be my date for the night and we'd go to the show together to enjoy it. I won't have to work though, which is cool, I'm looking forward to going to a show that I don't have to work at. I do wish you were here though, I think you'd enjoy everything that’s been going on and everything I know that’s being planned." Alex had told me earlier that Pete had been asking about me and when he found out I was going to be in the city that he wanted to have lunch, but I didn't know if I should tell Bren or accept the invite.

My heart sank a little. I knew I had no right to be jealous. And of my boyfriend of all people, but I was really lonely here without him. I was used to having him around. And when he was in LA before, I at least had Spencer or the band, and since we normally practice at Spence's house, the band practice was off too. In a weird way, I felt like I was back in school again and living with the same rules my parents enforced when I was attending. And in even a worse way, I felt like I was grounded.

The thought of being grounded brought a smile to my face as I thought of my first time ever talking to Ryan. I laughed, which happened to be at a time in the conversation which would have been appropriate. The jealous faded from my mind as I thought about Ryan out there, and what he had been through the past few weeks. He deserved to be spoiled and treated a good time. I just wished I was doing it with him.

"That sounds awesome, and Spence is really good at shows. Aww, remember our first show together?" I grinned as I hopped in my car after fishing the keys out of my pocket and unlocking it. My phone beeped, signifying I had a text message, "Hold on just a sec," I pulled the phone back and checked it, it was from Matt. Smiling at the message, I started my car and talked to my boyfriend, "Oh, speaking of show, Matt's gonna take me to one tonight, that should be interesting. So, when are you coming back? I don't think you ever told me."

"I think we're here until Sunday. I need to talk to Spence about that again. I feel a little guilty having him here and me and Lex being busy with label stuff, but I can't take him with me to everything. He seems cool with it, he's spending time helping his cousin and all, but I think the plan was to be here until Sunday and head home then. We've got the show Friday, and now that I think about it I think it's a Fall Out Boy show, which will be amazing if it is because I haven't seen them on stage in such a long time and I think their new song should be hitting the airwaves soon, I wonder if they'll play it..."

I trailed off just thinking about if they would or wouldn't play it. I wanted to be with Bren when he heard it for the first time, I wanted to be with Alex when he heard it for the first time too. I had planned on letting Alex hear it after that party Pete crashed but I never had been able to actually play it for him so none of the guys had heard it. I needed to be with them when they did, I wanted to hear their reactions.

I pulled myself back to the phone and smiled to myself. "I'm glad he's taking you to a show. I'm sure it'll be really good and you guys will have a great time. It better not be like our first show together though or I'll have to break up with you." I grinned so that he'd know I was just joking around with him. "I dunno what, if anything we're doing tonight. The guys will get back here I guess and then who knows. Its possible there's a party going down in one of the other apartments here, so maybe we'll do that."

"Sunday, Ugh..." I let out a small noise, "I don't think I can wait that long," I pouted into the phone, "I miss my fucking best friend!" I tried to keep my voice straight, but I failed and ended up giggling, "I'm sure you guys will have a great time all week, just remember me, your poor pitiful boyfriend who is working his ass off to pay for nice things for his sexy boyfriend and for school."

"And yea, there is some band he knows playing tonight. He mentioned it to me a week ago, and I think that might be why he didn't put me on the schedule, since he knew you were out of town, and the band practice was off until Spence came back, so he knew I wouldn't say no since I would do anything to get out of my house. He's a sneaky one you know."

"Oh," I remembered as I pulled into my street, "You know what else? Every time I work with him, he asks me if I have bottomed yet!" I shook my head, and waved at a neighbor, "He told me I needed to get on that and he suggested I used a dildo to get ready," I laughed, "Can you believe that? He's my damn boss!" I giggled as I pulled into my driveway, turned off the car, got out and shut the door with my ass. "What ever will we do with him?"

"Well, if you want your best friend so badly I can tell him to go home and I can find my own way home at the end of the week, or he can come back and pick me up at the end of the week. Then you won't be so miserable without your best friend or whatever. You guys can have your band practice and you can off and have fun." I sighed and looked over at the tv again, I knew he was joking around with me and really I wasn't upset about it, but Spence didn't have to stay, he knew that and if Brendon wanted him home I'd tell him to go home.

"You'll have a good time with Matt, I'm glad he thought enough to do that for you. You guys will go out and have fun and the guys will come back here and I'll hang out with them. So we'll both be busy." I bit my lip and sighed softly. "I hope they get back soon because I'm getting hungry and I'm not allowed to move so I can't get up and get anything. Maybe Lex will bring home some of my Thai food that I love so much."

"I think, tho, that Matt should stop getting into your sex life. You'll do what you want when you want and if you want to bottom why do it with a dildo? That’s just...I dunno, not fun or whatever. And it's none of his business what you and I do together anyway so he shouldn't even ask."

"Geez Ryan..." I was about to walk into the house when I listened to his rant. I stopped outside and walked around to the back, opening the door that lead to the kitchen, putting the milk in the fridge and walking back outside with a wave to my mother. Kicking off my shoes then pulling off my socks, I rolled up my pants and stuck my feet in the pool, "Christ, I was just joking about the best friend thing. And yea, I hope they do get back soon, you are kinda getting irritable from the hunger I guess..."

I didn't understand what was up with him. He was out in LA, with his best friend and my best friend, he was back out doing what he was supposed to be doing, and he got to go to his internship and shows and all that shit, so why the fuck was he pissed off at the moment? I hated this distance thing, and I don't know if he was trying to tell me how wonderful and perfect everything was to cover up the fact that he might miss Vegas or his parents, or hell, maybe even me. But to go off when he knew I was joking, I didn't understand.

"Look, Matt is the only gay person I knew until I met you, and I'm sorry, I like to talk to him. And he doesn't know about our sex life, he simply knows that I haven't bottomed yet, only because he asks me, and why would I lie to him? What would be the point in that? If it upsets you, well, I'm sorry I brought it up Ryan, I'm sorry I brought up something that was going on in my life," I sighed into the phone, my hands cradling my head, "Look, I miss you and I just wish you were here. I know it's just a week, but I've been spoiled with you being around. And I just got excited to actually get to talk to you, since you are so busy and all. I won't bring up what I'm in to if that upsets you."



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