Title: This is Bullshit (43/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: R
Summary: Back in the hospital bed.
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write. howido_fics is Brendon/Spencer, youbrat is Ryan/Alex. Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.






I was so bored out of my mind. Me, Alex and Spencer, were on the way back to the hospital, and there was a wreck on the interstate, two exits before the hospital. And, well, none of us knew the back roads, so we decided to stay on. Luckily, I found a piece of paper, some pens and a highlighter to entertain myself. And I was successful in avoiding any conversation with Alex and Spencer, because I didn't know what to say...

Luckily the traffic cleared, and we were on our way again. Once we pulled into the parking lot, I whined that I had to take a piss, so Spencer, being stupid and naive let me out. I all but ran inside and to the elevator, making my way up to Ryan's room. I tapped my foot in the elevator; I knew I should have taken the stairs. Seriously, someone was getting off on every floor!

Once my floor opened, I picked up the speed and ran into Ryan's room. Seeing that he was awake, I ran over to him, not even caring if there was anyone else in the room. Approaching him, I was gasping and out of breath from running, "Spen...ex...ton...bum....ed..." I tried to control my breathing, but failed, miserably, so I decided to do hand gestures instead, "Spen...n...lex....sex...." using my two index fingers to put them together, holding one finger up for Spencer, the other for Alex. I just hoped he caught on.

I had woken up after a very good and long sleep to find the room completely empty. I curled up the best that I could, turned on the TV loud enough so I could hear but not loud enough to really keep me awake if I wanted to fall back asleep. I had only been awake about three minutes before the nurse came in to check up on me. She looked over me, gave me some meds and then left. Not even five minutes after she left, Brendon busted in, flustered, breathing heavy, sputtering, and making hand gestures.

A smile was on my lips as I watched him try to tell me what he had to tell me, but it wasn't all that obvious. I kind of got something along the lines of Spencer and Alex had done something that had to do with sex. I couldn't imagine that they'd actually had sex though because honestly, we'd left them alone for a few hours and suddenly they were fucking? I kind of doubted it.

Chuckling softly, I reached up and put my hand onto his and pulled him to sit on the side of the bed. "Calm down, Bren. I can't exactly figure that out. Are you saying that Spencer and Alex had sex? Really? I mean...um....wow?" Then suddenly I decided to pout because I didn't even get a kiss because of something to do with Spencer, Lex, and Sex.

I took the time he spent deciphering to regain composure and get my heart rate back to normal. Spence and Alex hadn't come in yet, hell, they were probably making out in the car... But, even so, I wanted to get it out before they got here. They didn't say anything against me letting it leak, and I was sure they were aware that I would tell Ryan. Hell, this was the news of the century. I knew Ryan would be excited over it; he brought the two of them up often enough.

Following his instructions, I looked at him and nodded, I was sure I looked like a little kid who was tattling on someone, but I didn't care. This was huge! I mean, our best friends were, what, together, I didn’t know, but still. Finally getting the chance, I looked around as he talked, luckily, we were the only ones in the room and I didn't make a fool of myself but to the one I loved.

I looked at him as I gulped, swallowing a little amount of air to clear my head, "I walked in on Spencer and Alex..." my eyes got big, "And, and, Alex definitely had his tongue, in Spencer...and not the mouth or the ear or the belly button...but another popular hole...." nodding continuously, I placed my hand on his thigh, right above the cast and rubbed it lightly, "But, I wanted to tell you before they got here..."

"No shit!? Really?" I looked up at Brendon and then laughed, letting my head fall back against the pillow. "Well, I guess it’s about damn time for them to finally give in to the fact that they've wanted to strip each other naked and just go at it for a while now..." I smirked a little and snuggled more into my pillow. "Was that all they were doing? Lex rimming Spence?"

Moments after I got that out, an orderly came in with my tray of repulsive food. I'd forgotten that it was already dinnertime. I looked at the tray that he put down before looking back at Brendon. "And where is my kiss? Is their sex life more important than loving on the invalid who is stuck in the hospital and can't leave until the doctors decide that he can? Cuz that'll seriously hurt my feelings if it is." I gave my best puppy dog eyes at him and pouted dramatically. I had thought the original pout would have worked on him, but I seemed to have been a little wrong.

I wanted to be in my own clothes, but I realized I was going to have problems with pants with the cast in the way. It was too big to fit into most of my pants, which meant no jeans unless they were going to cut them. Then it hit me, my jeans that I'd been wearing during the accident were probably destroyed. In that moment all of what I'd gone through hit me like a ton of bricks, all because of my favorite pair of jeans, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks and I stared at my cast.

"Definitely rimming," I smiled as I looked over at his food, poking it with the plastic fork they had supplied, "And ew, you are not eating this shit...we might have to make another fast food run, I am starving myself!" I grinned as I looked down at him. My heart literally broke as I saw him crying. I hoped it wasn't because I didn't give him a kiss, cause really, I was just preoccupied with thoughts and that didn't mean that I didn't love him, and...

"Babe," I moved over to him, pushing his food out of the way, then as gently as I could, I crawled up next to him, luckily the bed was a little big, and I was on his good side. Once I was situated, I looked over at him, kissing his forehead before I pushed his hair out of the way, "Fuck, Ry, I'm sorry..." I kissed his cheek and the trail of tears, "Please, forgive me, and tell me what is wrong, Babe..."

Wrapping my arm loosely around his waist, I used the other to pull his neck to me, without hurting him. I wasn't being overly gentle with him, because I knew he didn't want to be treated like a child, but more slow and passionate, if that were possible. Leaning in to kiss his eyes, his reflexes closed them as I kissed the right lid then the left, followed by his nose, and then his mouth. Just placing my lips there, I applied a little pressure before unpuckering mine with a soft sound, "I love you Ryan, talk to me..."

I shook my head a little and moved closer to him, just nestling my face in against him and letting myself cry. So yeah, I didn't really want to be crying, but I knew that if I tried to hold it in that it would make things worse for me. I remembered hearing something about when trauma happened in your life to just let everything go and go with the feelings that were there, that meant crying if you needed to cry, screaming if you needed to scream, laughing if you needed to laugh, and punching a punching bag if you needed to hit something. So, I went with it and just cried into Brendon's shoulder.

After a little while I'd calmed down a little bit and murmured softly. "My jeans...I was wearing my favorite jeans...they're...they're probably destroyed....And...I...I don't have pants to fit over this fucking cast...and...shit...the car! What happened to the car? How'm I gonna pay for it?"

I started crying again after getting that out because I really had no idea how I was going to afford to pay for the car that I must have totaled. Okay, my parents had a lot of money, but that didn't mean they were going to pay for my fuckup. And what about clothes?! I didn't want to be in the horrible hospital gown as long as I was in the cast. Sure, I could wear boxers, maybe, if I could get them over the cast. And that brought up the realization that I probably wasn't going to be able to dress myself without help. All in all I just figured I was fucked.

Kissing his head, I moved my arms around him more, rocking him lightly as I continued to place kisses on him, "Let it out," I mumbled against him. I knew there was a time he had to break down. A time that the reality settled in. And I was more than glad to be there to help him through it. Running my hand along his back, I slipped it into the opening of his gown, relishing in the feeling of his warm skin.

After kissing him again, I decided to try to answer his questions, "Ry, Babe, it, the wreck, it wasn't your fault. And I am sure the other person, who was to blame has the insurance for that. And, and the car you had, I'm sure it was insured by the studio, and they can take care of that..." I kissed his head again, "I mean, if you were being reckless, then no, but Babe, you weren't, it was a complete accident..."

I sighed into him, hoping I was saying the right thing, "And well, as for the clothes...you could always walk around naked for a while, I wouldn't mind that..." I smirked. It probably wasn't the greatest thing to try to lighten the situation, but really, who could resist Ryan naked? I for one knew I couldn't, "But, Ry, that just means we get to go on a shopping spree, and get you more clothes, it will all work out, but Babe," I tilted his chin up to look at me, "The only thing that matters is that you are alive and safe and healthy despite the criticalness of it. I know it doesn't mean much now, but all that other stuff, it will work out. And you know you are surrounded by so many people that love you and care about you."

I nodded a little and curled in against him a little bit more, sighing softly. "I know, Bren, I know you guys love me and care about me and all...it just...it scares me...." I pouted a little and reached up and rubbed at my eyes, wiping away the tears as I looked up at him. "All of this scares me...what...what if I'd died Bren? What if I was still in the coma? What if I never woke up?" I bit my lip and shrugged a little before closing my eyes. "It isn't just about the clothes...but...that just...made it hit me..."

I knew I wasn't really making sense, but that didn't really matter to me all that much right then. I knew he pretty much understood, and that was all I really needed. I stayed pressed against him and wished, not for the first time, that I had real clothes to be wearing. Yeah, it was nice to have Bren touching my skin, but I wanted to be in real clothes, including my favorite hoodie of Alex's. I was feeling cold, even though it was warm in the hospital. The gown just wasn't enough and I really just wanted to hide my arms and everything because they were bruised and everything.

Alex and Spence walked in and just looking at them I could tell there was a huge difference in them. "So, whose idea was it to instruct Spence in the art of rimming?"

Wow. That was a confession and a half, followed by a complete turn around. I was guessing that he didn't want them to see him tore up like he was, not that they cared or blamed him for that matter. I kissed his forehead, then moved to his ear, "I love you Ryan, and all that matters is that you are ok, and we all love you..." I managed to get out before turning to Spencer and Alex, waiting for them to answer the question.

Spencer looked over at Alex and smirked. So, they were kind of cute together, ok, fucking adorable, but really, since when? "No, the real questions is when did you come out?" I raised my eyebrow at Spence, he had to know I was joking, in a sense, but still, last time we talked, he was still confused.

Blushing, Spencer wrapped his arm around Alex's waist as he slapped my foot, "Shut it, fucker," he narrowed his eyes at me, then smirked, "I knew for a while," he looked at Alex, smiling, "I just wasn't ready to announce it to the world..." grinning at him, he then looked at Ryan before glancing towards the ceiling, "And, well, it was mine...and," he pointed to Ryan, "I blame you too, and your subliminal and straight out messages of how good Alex is. But," he shrugged, "I knew I trusted you for some reason," he smiled. Ok, that was what, the 34583247582903 time that Spencer had smiled since he entered the room, I mean really, "Enough about us, though, how are you feeling?"

Sure, he SO wasn't going to get away that easy

I looked over at Alex and he looked just as laid back and normal as he always was, even with Spence's arm around his waist. I quirked my eyebrow at him a little but he just gave me a little shrug. He touched Spence's hand and then moved out of his reach and over to me, leaning over and kissing my forehead. He was about to pull away when I grabbed onto him and looked up into his eyes, just looking hard into them. He looked right back into mine and it was like a silent conversation. I just wanted to figure out for sure what was going on with him and Spence and what his intentions were, his eyes always told me the truth, he couldn't hide from me.

I let him go after a moment and leaned back in against Brendon and looked back at Spencer. "I'm okay...still sore...absolutely fucking freezing, but these stupid hospital gowns don't do anything for warmth anyway, so that should be expected...but okay. What about you? Walking at all awkward? Enjoyed the magic of Alex's tongue and piercing? Hoping we'll let you go back and play more?"

I shivered a little and reached for the blanket, pulling it up over my arms. I had goosebumps and I felt like my fingertips had to be blue. I was really wishing I had asked Alex to bring the hoodie back with him. He had to know where it was in the apartment and I wanted it to keep warm. I looked back at Spencer and smirked a little. "So?"

Smiling between all of them, I watched Spencer blush, almost the whole time, seriously if he was going to do this, he had to get over it. This step was just the beginning... Shaking my head at him, I ran my fingers more up Ryan's back as he put the blanket around him. Helping him, I made sure he was covered when I looked over to Spencer, "Hey, before you answer that, can you go over there and grab Ryan something that you guys brought earlier?"

Spencer nodded before going over and pulling out at hoodie for Ryan. Opening it, he handed it to him, which Ryan accepted, "That should keep you warm," Spencer gave a genuine smile, followed by biting his lip and looking over to Alex, "No, I mean, no, we had to get going, I mean, cause Bren and I are leaving tonight in all to get back to Vegas, but yea, so I knew it had to end, and it was, um," he winked at Alex, "Perfect..."

I kicked Spencer's leg and smirked at him, we held eye contact before I looked over at Ryan, "You think that sweatshirt will help you keep warm? Oh," I nodded to Alex, "And should we go grab something to eat? I'm starving, that shit they brought for Ryan is nasty, what time are the guys coming over?" I asked a whole slew of questions all the while leaning and taking in Ryan's scent. Even in the hospital, he smelled amazing.

Alex sat down on the bed at my feet and just kind of lounged a little. He was staying close to me, he probably felt guilty for getting it on with Spencer while I was at the hospital. He was just like that, it was part of why I loved him so much. He had a tendency to put me before most of the rest of the world. It made me sad that people just didn't understand it. He was just the best friend the world could have ever created.

"Thanks Spence. But you didn't answer my questions...I asked if you're walking awkward and enjoyed the magic of his tongue and piercing. I also asked if you were hoping we'd let you go have more fun. I pretty much expect answers since I'm now an invalid and can't be all up on it myself. I have to live vicariously. So please...do tell the whole story of how you ended up with my best friend's tongue inside you."

I snuggled into the hoodie, it was the one I had been thinking I should have asked Alex to bring with him. See, he knew me so well and thought about me and what I'd need. How much of a better friend could you get? It felt so good to have the hoodie on and I pulled the sleeves over my hands and leaned my head against Brendon. Alex leaned forward to the food tray and started rummaging around on it. He was being rather quiet and I wondered what was going on in his mind that he wasn't talking much. He grabbed one of the cubes of Jello, glanced at Spencer, and very slowly sucked it in, causing me to smirk at his suggestiveness.

Spencer placed his hands on his hips, looking at me, then Ryan and rolling his eyes, "I answered your questions!"

I shook my head, "Nope, he wanted to know if you liked it," I turned to Ryan, "Oh, and he thought you were loud..." I winked as Spencer slapped my leg, forcing my reflexes to kick him, in which he grabbed my leg and twisted it. I winced as he finally spoke up.

"What do you want to know?" he titled his head at Ryan, "That is was amazing? Prolly the best sexual experience I ever had," he nodded matter of factly with his hands over his chest, "And I loved the feel of his mouth and tongue and piercings on me, and can't wait to have his pretty cock in my ass," my mouth dropped and he looked at me, "That's right," he winked, "I'll get it before you..."

I gasped, "DUDE I CAN'T HELP IT MY BOYFRIEND IS A GIMP!" I shouted before refraining, oops... I looked over at Ryan and melted in his hurt? eyes, "I mean," I glanced back over to Spencer, "It's not about when Spencer," I pulled Ryan closer to me, "I love Ryan and he loves me, and if he and I don't have sex until this cast off, then I am fine with that. All that matters is that he is ok," I shrugged, 'Plus, I have my hand, I will prolly get carpal tunnel, but that's life..." I gave Ryan my best smile, hoping he didn't take it the wrong way, and accepted my small apology.

Frowning, I looked over at Brendon when he called me a gimp and kind of pulled away from him a little bit. I looked at the other three and frowned again. I pulled away and burrowed myself down into the bed, pulling the blanket and the hoodie close and tight to me. "If this is how and where this conversation is going to go, then please get out of my hospital room and leave me alone." I closed my eyes and shifted slightly onto my side, wincing as it put pressure onto my ribs.

Alex ran his hand up my good leg a little and moved up to my side. "Ry? Are you okay?"

"Go away Alex...go have sex with Spencer or something...just...go away..."

I could hear him bite on his lip ring and I knew he was worried. I never pushed people away vocally, I did it with circumstances. Like that time of the huge fight with Brendon where I just pulled away from Alex and basically ignored him. I never actually told him to go away. I never told anyone to. It just wasn't like me.

I felt fingers in my hair and I knew it was Alex as I felt the bed shift and him move down next to me. "No, babe, we're not going to go. I'm not going to go have sex with Spence. I'm not going away. I'm gonna stay right here right now. And I'm gonna not talk about sex for a little bit if it upsets you. But c'mon, don't be thinking you can't have sex while you're in a cast. It can be done and we can figure out positions and ways that won't hurt you and will be comfy and will allow for you to still have sex so it isn't like you're hearing about me getting some and you're not. But I'll shut up about sex now. How about, instead, I tell you that you're beautiful and that I'm going to buy you the most expensive and best eyeliner that they make?"

I let my head fall back after giving Spencer a death glare. What the fuck. Why did I always get myself into these fucking situations? It was bullshit. Really, it was. I was kidding, fucking kidding, fuck. I let out a long sigh, and sure, Alex was going to help Ryan with our sex life, like we weren't capable enough to do that ourselves. That was bullshit too. Gritting my teeth, I didn't know what to do. I mean, really, couldn't he take a joke. He knew I joked a lot, especially with Spencer, and it was a fucking joke for Christ’s sake.

It took everything inside of me not to just get off the bed and go. You know what, maybe I should just do that. Leave, and let Ryan and Alex figure out our sex life. Let Alex baby Ryan and take care of him. Let Alex keep him here in LA and seclude him from everything else. Fucking let Alex just...take him and my best friend away.

Great, now the whole Ryan feeling sorry for himself was rubbing off on me. And I hated that. I didn't come here to feel sorry for Ryan, I came here to show my support. And this was what I got. It hurt, it really did. And I was not trying to be selfish, I just, I hated fighting and I hated arguments, and I hated that Ryan took everything I said so fucking literal at times. Dammit, I understood that he was in an accident, but what about last weekend? It was getting all too much at times. I mean, I loved him, right... sometimes I wasn't so sure.

I sat up from the bed, looking at Spencer, "Well, yea, I guess we should get heading back then..."

I nodded a little and felt Alex place a kiss against my forehead before he looked over at Brendon and Spencer. It was weird how sometimes I just knew him so well that I knew what he was doing without even looking. I knew he didn't want them to leave. I could tell. But I knew he didn't want Spencer to leave more than he didn't want Brendon to leave. It just sucked though that I had to have a blaring reminder that I couldn't have normal life at that moment. I had a broken leg. A fucking broken leg, and it upset me. It upset me that Spence and Alex could have sex and I couldn't imagine having fun sex with that huge thing on my leg. It upset me that Bren saw me as a gimp. It upset me that I was jealous of Alex's newfound relationship with Spence. And then Brendon decided it was time to leave. I just wanted to curl up and cry again.

Alex's fingers went through my hair as I felt him sit up. "Do you guys have to leave right now?" I could tell by the tone of his voice he was talking mostly to Spence. It was a tone he rarely used and usually only with me. But things were different with me and with Spence. Spence was now his lover...wow...Alex with a lover, that was something I'd never thought would actually happen, not a real lover like me and Bren.

There was something plaintive about his voice, but there was also something that was dripping with sexuality as well. He was suggesting to Spence that if he stayed, he'd get laid. It actually made me smile for a moment before remembered that I wouldn't be getting laid for a long time with the stupid cast on my leg. Then I pouted.

I wasn't sure why, but at the moment, chills ran up and down my spine as tears came to my eyes. I hated this feeling, I really did. I rarely got it, but for some reason, I got it a lot these past few months with Ryan, so maybe that was love. The fact that you loved something and cared about someone so much that any word or action can trigger such an intense physical response. Sometimes I didn't know how to handle it.

Looking over at Spence, I bit my lip and swallowed. I was so torn. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to stay and work whatever was between Ry and I out, and the other part wanted to run and curl up in a ball and vanish. Gulping again, I kept my eyes away from Ryan, I just, fuck, didn't know what to do with the situation. Really I didn't.

"Well," I could hear Spencer's voice directed at me, "I'm hungry, so Bren and I can go get us some food from the 'people' side of the cafeteria, and we can talk it over, and see when we come back," I looked up at him, and he shrugged, "I mean, I really don't want to go, but Bren has to work tomorrow, and so, maybe we'll step outside and talk to his parents, and decide from there. Is that ok Bren?" he asked me as he held onto my elbow.

I simply nodded.

I felt myself getting really sleepy all of a sudden and knew that the drugs the doctor had given me before Brendon arrived were kicking in. I didn't want to fall asleep though. I didn't want to fall asleep and wake up to find myself alone in a hospital bed, in a hospital room, and not have them there. I was afraid if I fell asleep that Brendon and Spencer would be gone and heading home before I woke up. I struggled to try and open my eyes and keep them open as I finally felt warm in the bed for the first time since I'd woken up.

Alex moved and I felt him moving away from me. It almost made me panic for a moment as I tried to struggle to hold onto being awake. I felt like something was wrong and it caused a sense of panic in my mind.

"I'd really rather you didn't leave...and we both know Ry feels the same, right Ry?"

I could hear his voice, hear his words, they vaguely made sense, and I struggled to try and respond, but I wasn't even sure if my mouth was moving. I felt like I was just laying there like a vegetable. Stupid drugs. They were great for pain, but they seemed to knock me on my ass in moments and I felt like I was slowly sliding off a cliff. I didn't want to fall asleep. I wanted to agree with Alex. I wanted to tell them to stay but not to talk about sex. I wanted to tell them that I wanted Thai food. I wanted to tell them to bring my comfy pajama pants. I wanted to tell them I wanted my own pillow from my bed.

Later