Title: This is Bullshit (23/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: R
Summary: Bren calls Ryan and fun ensues
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write.  howido_fics is Brendon, youbrat is Ryan.  Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black.  

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Author's Note: We did post two chapters last week (on the same day). They are above if you missed them.






It's been a long week.  And hell, it's only Tuesday.  Luckily I had a few days off this weekend, but it couldn't come soon enough.  

I hated nights like this.  When I missed Ryan.  More than I could put words to.  I missed everything about him.   We hadn't talked since Friday when he was drunk.  We text'd and emailed a few times and left voice messages.  It really just sucked.  I hated playing phone tag.  

Pacing my room, I glanced from the phone to the computer.  I wasn't sure which would suite me more at the moment.  Preferably, it would be to climb into a car, go to the airport, hop on a plane, fly to LA, and curl up in his arms.

Ok, phone it was.  I prepared the message I was going to leave in my head as I dialed his number and pressed send.

Alex had gone out and gotten us dinner, and we had such a good dinner on our first night off since last week.  We didn't have to get up too early the next morning, but it was okay, we'd get into bed fairly early and enjoy a relaxed night in bed.  Or maybe not so relaxed, I didn't know, I just was thankful for the down time.  Alex had decided we were going to have Thai food for dinner, it was one of the few times I'd had Thai, and it was really good.  We decided that we'd found our favorite LA restaurant thus far.

We were curled up on the couch talking about some of the things coming up in the next couple weeks that we actually knew about.  We'd been given good news, or at least good news as far as we were concerned.  Fall Out Boy was going to be in recording a song for a movie and they needed a couple of the interns to be there to do whatever they needed.  At the same time there were a handful of other bands who would be using the studios as well, so they were splitting us all up.  We were just hoping either Alex or I would get to work with Fall Out Boy so we could give Pete the cd Alex had made before we left.

My phone rang and I pouted a little.  We were both exhausted from all the work we'd been doing that we'd almost planned on turning off our phones and just enjoying a night alone together without interruptions and simply relaxed.  I recognized the ringer though and realized it was Brendon.  Alex looked at me and realized the change in expression before he shook his head and grabbed my phone, handing it to me so I could answer it.

"Hello?"

"Wow..." I let out, "Um, Hi, sorry, I was um, just surprised to hear your voice.  I had a long message planned out then figured I would pop in your cd and take a bath and just lay in there till I shriveled up or the water gets cold...but this is much better."

Yep, I am talking to much.  WAY to much.  

Sighing, I sat on my bed, running my hands through my hair.  That simple hello light my body on fire.  All the fatigue and pain that travelled in my bloodstream fizzled.  By that simple voice.

"Oh, sorry, I'm rambling," I laughed, "But, it's really you though, you, as in sober and available to talk to me?"  I hoped I wasn't interrupting anything, but I was sure he wouldn't have answered if I was.  I just needed to hear his voice.  To know that he was safe and enjoying himself all the while learning and having fun.

I laughed softly and looked up at Alex before, mouthing to him that it was Brendon.  He grinned and nodded, asking me if I wanted a drink before getting up to get us each one.

"Yes, it is me, really me, and I'm sober, I'm not drunk...I'm sorry about that the other night though.  I don't drink much, only occasionally and rarely, and even then, I try not to get drunk.  Jason and Paul just kept buying me drinks though.  The next thing I knew...yeah, I woke up in my bed and Jacob, the guy down the hall, was in my room checking on me.  I don't remember too much about that night.  I'm sorry Bren."

I bit my lip softly and leaned back into the couch, just relaxing when Alex came back and handed me a glass.  I smiled a thanks to him and took a quick sip as he settled in next to me.  It had become somewhat of a habit, people, seeing us like we were, would probably often think we were dating.  We were just so comfortable with each other and snuggling, and he helped me not feel so alone, which was good.  He draped his arm around my shoulders and let me rest against him.  

"I won't keep you too long from your bath though."

I heard Alex in the background.  Well, well, so much for Mr. Hot Pants being out every night getting him some.  Laughing to myself I was glad that Ryan had someone when he was lonely.  Me, I had my entire life to surround me.  The life I had a month prior to meeting Ryan.  So it was really great to know that he had some part of home with him too.

"Don't worry about the other night.  After I got over the shock of hearing you chant about Jack Sparrow, rum and cock and Lex-lex, and I knew you were safe in bed, I couldn't help but laugh at the situation.  You are too fucking cute, um, all the time, you know that Ryan?"

Scratching my nose, I stretched and fell back onto my bed, smiling up at the ceiling, "And believe me, I can skip the bath, that was just a healthy alternative to me jerking off in my bed for once," I giggled, "So you aren't keeping me from a thing.  Plus, you're way more important than my rubber ducky and G.I.Joe action figures."

"G.I. Joe action figures and a rubber ducky?"  I giggled softly.  "Do you really play with those in the bath, Bren?"  Alex looked at me and busted up laughing.  I swatted at him a little and shook my head before returning my attention to Brendon.

"I was pretty wasted, wasn't I?  I mean...wow...Jack Sparrow, rum and cock and Lex-lex?"  I laughed at myself and shook my head again as Alex pulled me in a little closer and murmured that we were both wasted.

Nodding a little, I relaxed against him.  "Well, thanks for looking out for me and, well, taking care of me the best you could from back home.  How're things there?  Other than your G.I. Joes and rubber ducky?  How're the guys?"

I bit my lip softly, I'd really have loved to be back with him in Vegas.  I missed having him around, as much as I loved having Alex around, I wanted my boyfriend to fall asleep beside instead of just my best friend.  Fourth of July was far too far away from my liking.

"No, I don't I have bigger and better things, I can play with when I am all alone in the shower..."  I would have winked at him, but yeah, we're on the phone, "And tell Alex to stop laughing.  He knows how the true player's roll..."

Not sure where ghetto Brendon came from, but I'll promise never to let him out again.

"And yes, you were wasted.  It was entertaining, I'm just glad I wasn't there to take care of you for real, it sounded like you were a handful, but not so much on the dance floor though..."  I smirked, again, imagining him in a dark club with neon lights flashing around, hand sliding down his body as his backside rubbed against my front.  Now that was dancing.

"We are are doing well.  Practicing every chance we get, oh, and we did get some promo shots that you can see, um, when you come in two weeks.  The guys all miss you two, and we talk about you guys each practice.  But what about you, Ry?  How are things in sunny California?"

"Uh huh.  You're weird Bren, you know that?"  I smiled as Alex ran his fingers through my hair.  He knew how much I missed Brendon, he said he missed the guys almost as much, although in a slightly different way since he wasn't dating the guys or anything, just being their producer.

"Should I call you every time I'm drunk then?  Entertain you?  Jacob said I wasn't that bad to take care of.  Alex apparently was more horny than I was.  He was rather surprised to get groped by a very drunk, very horny Alex.  It's probably a good thing they didn't put the two of us in the same room.  I know Alex gets horny and more affectionate when drunk, I don't get drunk enough to know if I'm the same way.  I might have to find that out sometime with someone sober enough to remember what I'm like and let me know."

I chuckled softly and then sighed.  "Sunny California isn't entirely sunny enough.  We're having a good time, working a lot.  We got news that Fall Out Boy and a few other bands are coming into the studios in the upcoming weeks to record some songs for a movie, we find out tomorrow which of us get to be there to assist the bands and the producers and all.  Alex is pulling to help a producer so he can be a better producer himself, I just wanna get one of us working with Fall Out Boy so we can pass along your cd.  So we're hoping.  I'll let you know if either of us get to."

"That's cool about Fall Out Boy.  I'll be hoping and praying and such for you to get the opportunity.  And I do hope that the CD does get in the right hands, and if it doesn't I guess we will have to keep playing the show after show until someone sees us and likes us,"  I thought about it, "Well, whenever anyone sees us, they like us, but still..."

Moving to take off my pants, I reached for the remote and turned the tv on to Fuse.  I automatically muted it as Loaded My Chem was on.  I knew the words by heart, I just wanted to see Frank and Mikey on the screen.  They're hot.  If I do say so myself.

"Have you talked to your parents?  I saw your mom in the grocery store the other day, it was really random, but she invited me over to dinner last night and it was good.  She really misses you Ryan, but said I was welcome anytime, and to bring the guys too.  Does she always like to cook for so many people?" She was adorable how her hospitality is off the roof, "Oh, and I invited your folks to my graduation party so they could meet my parents, if that's ok with you."

Laughing softly, I closed my eyes and just relaxed against Alex and the couch.  I listened to him as he talked, I listened to him as he just breathed, I just listened to him.  I found it funny how I could tell the difference between Alex and Brendon just by their breathing.  I mean, I spent many nights laying next to Alex, just listening to his breathing while trying to fall asleep, but I could tell the difference between his breathing and Brendon's breathing.  I missed Brendon's breathing in my ear at night.

"You guys are a great band, Bren.  If the cd doesn't make it into anyone's hands here, we'll keep you going on enough shows so that you get noticed by the big guys eventually.  There's always the possibility of im'ing Pete with a link to your music, although he can't listen to it on his sidekick..."

I shook my head as I trailed off.  I was thinking aloud mostly, and there were other things I could be talking to him about.  "I dunno, we'll figure that out.  But thats cool you're getting close to my family.  They're probably going to adopt you while I'm gone because I'm not there.  Mom's really happy that I've become friends with you and the band, she was surprised I got so many friends suddenly, but she's really happy about it.  So as long as you're cool with pretty much being her adopted son while I'm gone..."  I smiled to myself.  "You'll be her favorite.  Just don't be surprised if she ditches you when I come home."  I chuckled softly.

"It's ok.  Don't be surprised if everyone drops everything when you come back home," I sighed as I watched the Helena video, "I miss you Ryan.  I know.  It's stating the obvious.  It's just, sometimes it hurts in my chest when I think about you.  I had a biology teacher who once said that you don't actually show love or emotion from your heart, but your liver, and it's true.  When I think about you in LA when I am lying alone in bed looking out the window at the moon, the center of my chest hurts, not my heart," I laughed, "He always used to say, 'you make my liver quiver' and it's true.  It quivers when I really think about you.  I mean really really think about you..."

"Not just when I'm at the mall, and I see a guy in tight jeans. Or when I see a boarder with hair like yours, but when I think about how you held me the night we were under the stars and when I sit so still and quiet that I can hear and feel your hands on my body.  Sometimes I'm not even sure if I'm awake or dreaming.  I mean, either way it would be daydreaming, but it's those times that I hurt.  And those times that I cry myself to sleep."

Turning off the tv, I grabbed the other remote to turn on my stereo, what can I say?  I'm lazy, "But luckily, that cd you gave me helps a lot.  Oh yeah, I never did thank you for it.  I love it Ryan.  I actually made a copy of it so I could have one in my car, one on my iTunes and one in the stereo.  I honestly don't know what I'd do without it."

I sat there, essentially in awe, while Brendon talked.  It was about as close to a confession of love as I would have wanted from him at that point.  I didn't want a confession of love, and I knew that he missed me, but the combination of his words, and to hear that he cried himself to sleep at night, it was more than I had expected to hear from him, and it made me ache inside too.  

"Bren...I'm glad you like the cd, really, I am.  And the iPod that you gave me...it goes almost everywhere with me.  I didn't take it to the club the other night though.  I wouldn't want to lose it, I'd be devastated if I did.  I've only been gone two weeks though Bren.  I know it hurts, trust me, I know that it does, but...we have to make it through the rest of the summer.  I don't want you hurting all summer Bren."

I frowned as Alex hugged me tighter, pulling me in closer against him.  I could tell he didn't want me to get too upset tonight, not that there was that good of a chance of that happening.  Brendon talking like he was, of course I was going to get upset.

"I miss you.  I can't wait to see you Bren.  I hate that it's still another two weeks away though...well, a little more than that actually.  I really am looking forward to getting home for a few days, see you, and just...relax."

Wow, I must have sounded really desperate.

"I know, and Ry, it isn't everyday I feel like that.  Actually, come to think of it, it has only happened twice, I mean, I dunno, I guess I just wanted to share the feelings I get.  Wow.  I've been watching too much Dr. Phil.  See," I laughed, "This is what I get when I watch regular tv over porn.  You get a mushy paranoid me."

Flipping off the cd again, I rolled on my side and watched the alarm clock.  The lights were out in my room, so the red letters lit up the entire room.  "I am looking forward to seeing you too.  I can't wait actually.  To be able to hold you and kiss you and touch you and lick you and feel you and grind into you again..."

"But!  Subject change, you have big plans for the weekend?"

"You do need to stop watching so much Dr. Phil, Bren.  But that doesn't mean I don't miss you just as much.  There's just so much going on here.  LA is an amazing city, it really is.  I definitely love it here, and I'm looking forward to when I can actually move here.  Alex and I were talking about it, we were both thinking that when you guys make it big, we should get a house here in LA.  It's such an awesome city, but at the same time, sometimes I feel so lost.  But I guess part of that is because you're not here to enjoy it with me."

Alex picked up a magazine he'd bought earlier in the day so he'd have something to keep him occupied with while I was talking to Brendon.  He was such a good friend sitting there and holding me while I talked to my boyfriend.  I was actually a little surprised he wasn't up the hall trying to get into Jacob's pants.

"Trust me, though Bren, I'm looking forward to the same things.  It isn't the same going to bed here like it was there.  At least when I was home I could get you to come over occasionally, now I'm falling asleep alone, or with Alex.  But I can't be in Alex's bed every night.  That would make it crowded when there's someone else there."

I sighed softly and picked a little at Alex's pants.  He'd had a couple guys in his bed since we'd gotten there, which was okay, I was okay with that, but it just made me feel lonely.  "As far as the weekend goes...I guess it depends on who of us will be working with the different bands coming in.  Those of us who are chosen to work with them will probably have to work through the weekend."

Hmm.

"So, you will be busy the whole weekend?  That's good, but when will I get to call you?  I like talking to you on the weekends.  And do you plan on getting a little tipsy again?  Cause I would love to get a late night call from you again.  Speaking of which, my mother heard me talking in the middle of the night and thought I was going mad or something.  She's weird sometimes.  And a little to overprotective..."

Oh, so Alex was getting him some.  That was good.  He is a hot catch, so I don't blame him or them.  And it is better than him shacking up with Ry every night.  What?  I'm allowed to think that...

"So what ware you doing when Alex is in there getting him some?  You know you could always call me when he is preoccupied, and I would gladly take care of your own situation that might arise..." I so just made myself laugh with that corniness.

"I dunno if I'll be busy all weekend.  Lex has a friend coming in Friday, and then the possibility of working with one of the bands over the weekend.  Of course, I don't know if the bands are going to want to work over the weekend...I'll find a time to have at least one phone call with you though."

I smiled to myself and let my eyes slip closed.  Alex smelled good, I didn't remember him putting on cologne on a day to day basis, and I wondered if he was planning on going out once I was asleep.

"When Alex...entertains..."  I grinned up at him a little before closing my eyes again.  "I attempt to drown them out by listening to my iPod and falling asleep."  I shrugged a little to myself.  "I'll remember to call you instead next time.  It would be a much better way to spend the night than just trying to block out the sound of Alex having sex."

Alex poked me and I giggled.  "Well, I don't really want to listen to you having sex 'Lex.  Sorry."

I laughed, "Yes, as hot as listening to Alex have sex may be..."  I shook my head at the thought.  Of listening to Alex having sex, not Alex having sex.

Oh...nevermind....

"And yes, you better call me when that happens.  Hell, I'd hop at the chance to take care of you.  Too bad I am poor and can't just hop on a plane and take care of you.  Ok.  Well, maybe not poor, but you know what I mean," I thought I did, "So is Alex going to have a hot one tonight that I will need to help you out with or am I going to be be stuck with just my hand and images tonight?  Cause, they have worked for two weeks Ry, and my mental visuals are really getting old quick.  Maybe you should pull a Petey and show me what you've got."

Yikes.

"Sorry, that came out way hornier than I had initially thought it would..."

I chuckled softly to myself.  "Bren, are you horny?  Or just coming off as sounding horny?"

Smirking softly, I sat up and turned to Alex and whispered.  "I'll come tuck you in later."  I winked at him and got up, walking down to my bedroom.  I knew, after tonight and talking to Brendon that I was going to need Alex to comfort me after, he knew it too, although I hoped it didn't mean that I'd ruined any plans that he had.  As much as I wanted my best friend to myself sometimes, I knew, since he couldn't have me, that he should be able to have fun in other ways.  I also knew he'd give all of that up if I wanted or needed him there, I just didn't want to have to put him into that position.

"You haven't checked your email tonight, have you?  Actually, I'm going to take it that you haven't or you would have said something about the email I sent you an hour or so ago.  You don't have to check it now, but you should check out what I sent you.  I thought it was interesting and might be something you, as the vocalist of your band, might find...well, useful I think.  Just, let me know what you think after you've checked it out."  I closed the door on my bedroom and made my way over to my bed, knowing, if Brendon was horny, the phone call could get rather interesting, which could get embarrassing if I was still with Alex.  

"As far as if Alex is going to have a hot night...I dunno, he smells really good, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has plans for tonight.  But I wish you could get on a plane and come here too.  I'd love to have you in bed with me right now."

"Smells good?  Huh?  That boy always smells good," I unintentionally sniffed the air.  The only thing I could smell was myself.  And Lysol.  Getting up, I walked over to my computer desk and picked up Ryan's shirt I had borrowed from what seemed like forever ago.  Sniffing it, I smiled, "But not nearly as good as you..."

Looking at me desktop, a pic of me and Ryan from the concert, I sighed and walked back over to my bed, collapsing on it, "And no, I haven't checked my email yet this evening, and I will let you know when I do."

I found the exact spot where I was comfortable before, only this time bringing Ryan's shirt to rest on my neck, so every time I inhaled, I breathed in his scent, "Wouldn't life be easier if we could just snap our fingers and be where we want to be?  That would work out well, but then, I guess we wouldn't have to go through and grow through the separation."

Laughing, my eyes wondered the room as they settled on the flier for the help hotline, "Can you believe it was five weeks ago when we talked for the first time?  And did you really get off that night?  Or were you just flattering me?"

I laughed softly and laid down on my bed, snuggling up to my pillow.  "You're right, he does always smell good, but that seems to be half his appeal.  Although, from my point of view, he smells better than me, but then again, I don't know what you think I smell like, so maybe you're right.  I'll leave that up to you to make that decision."

Curling up on my bed, I ran my fingers over the bedspread and grinned.  "You better let me know when you do.  I wanna know if what I sent you helps at all.  I hope it does.  It looked pretty helpful to me."

Fighting to keep myself from giggling and to leave the email with at least some mystery until he actually checked it, I forced myself to take a couple deep breaths.  "It would make life a lot easier if I could just have you here when I want you here.  Or me there when I want to be there.  Or anywhere.  We could flit off to Paris or Italy, or anywhere.  It would make things so much easier, but you're right, then we wouldn't have all the things we have to go through and we wouldn't grow.  But it would make having you with me whenever I want easier, and letting us spend every night in bed together..."

I sighed softly and closed my eyes.  "Separation sucks.  Really and truly sucks.  But, I'll get to see you in a couple weeks, so that's what I'm looking forward to right now, that's what's going to end up getting me through until I get to go home.  As long as while I'm at home I can have you in my bed with me.  But, what made you think of that?  Only five weeks, huh?"  I chuckled softly and shook my head, smiling a little.  "Do you really doubt that I got off that night Bren?  I mean, when haven't I with you?"

A grin spread across my face, "You are the best thing I have ever smelled, and I will check my email tomorrow and get back to you."

My eye wondered to the flyer again, "No, I was just looking at the flyer from the hotline, which I have pinned on my bulletin board.  We don't have many things from our relationship.  Here I thought my first real relationship I'd be all teenage girl about it and save everything.  I don't even have a clue where the ticket stub from the movie went to or anything.  But I do have a sexy desktop pic that someone took from our last night here.  Have I sent it to you?"

Turning on my side, I looked back over at he picture.  I used to have a screensaver that popped up to save energy or something, but now, I leave the screen up all night so I can wake up and look at it.  It's a great pic.  I am all sweaty and Ryan is smiling.  Oh...that smile.

"Well, thanks Bren.  I'm glad someone enjoys how I smell.  Is that some high form of compliment?  I dunno, but it works for me."  I chuckled softly.  "Okay.  You better get back to me on it Bren.  I'm eager to hear what you have to say about it...or perhaps a reaction would be better?  I dunno, either way, I hope you like it and it helps."  I bit my lip, I knew I was sounding like an idiot, but still, I did want to hear what he'd have to say.

"I don't really have much of anything I don't think.  I dunno, I guess I'm not really clingy to stuff.  I never really have been.  I mean, there are some exceptions.  I have stuff of me and Alex, but then, me and Alex are best friends so of course I have stuff of me and him...pictures, concert tickets, other things.  But I never really ever kept things of guys I was with.  Probably because I've never really been in a lot of relationships..."  I trailed off a little and sighed softly.  "But no, I don't have any pictures of us even.  I mean, I have a couple pictures of you that I took on my cell and all, but we never really got all photographer and model or anything.  I think we're going to have to change that next weekend when I get home.  Now that you're bringing it up, I really want something or things here that remind me of you."

I looked around the room at everything, frowning even more.  "I really have nothing in here Bren."

Nothing.  And I thought I was bad.  I can see the whole Alex thing, and I guess that's where I got the idea that I would collect stuff, cause I have every concert ticket I have ever bought, and most of them were with Spencer.

"It's a pic that Amanda took, remember?  Just when I got off stage you and practically attacked me?" smiling at the memory I shook my head, "Oh, and remember the Get a Grip show where we met again, kind of like the first time, and behind the stage?  OH! and I sang Britney to you?"  

Wow.  That seemed like forever ago.

"We have really grown since then.  Damn, I mean, me, I've grown up and matured, I know that, but the two of us.  Here I was a virgin to kissing basically and then...now...oh, yeah, and I wasn't sure about the first night we talked if you got off, I mean, now that I know your history, I was the amateur there, so I dunno...we could always try again though...since I have gotten you off since then, a few times," I giggled.

"I do remember Bren, but I don't have any pictures.  You must have forgotten to send it to me.  But you can do that tomorrow when you check your email.  Because I'd like to at least have that here."  I smiled to myself, thinking of the different things and the different times, all the things Brendon was bringing up.  I missed him.

Sighing softly, I laid back on my bed.  "I remember Bren...and I wish we could go backwards sometimes.  I'd like to go back to those shows and be with you there again.  If I'd realized how I'd feel here, I'd have done everything I could to have little things to remind me of you and of being with you.  I hate having regrets...but at least I can change these when I get home."

Giggling softly, I nodded a little to myself.  "You've grown up some, and matured, yeah.  And you've definitely gotten me off a few times since.  I don't doubt your skills at all Bren, even with my...history.  No, on the phone, or in person, I know you could get me off.  Hell, probably online too.  As long as the images put in my head were by you, you definitely could get me off."

I ran my fingertips over the edge of the bed before back to myself, aimlessly drawing patterns and designs on the bed before sighing quietly and moving my fingers to play with the hem of my shirt.  "I miss you getting me off Bren.  You're right, its just not as good or the same without you being involved."

I groaned inwardly.  I missed getting him off too.  Very much.  And I missed him getting me off.  Which was a given.

"Yeah, who knew another person could give you such amazing orgasms?  Here I was thinking my masturbation was enough and good enough, until I felt your hand on me.  It's weird, and somewhat surreal, I mean, when I get myself off, I have my hand and myself.  But with another person, it's so foreign.  You don't have to sit back and think about the motions and the speed and the grip, you can just, well, sit back and relax.  And I guess that's the key, sitting back and relaxing.

"I mean, the first time we have sex, I don't want it to be pressured, which I am sure you will do everything to make it good, but I know it will be weird and awkward and uncomfortable, cause that's how I get when I am nervous and I try something new.  It's inevitable..."

I blushed, even on the phone, "Ok, I'll be quiet now.  But still, I really can't wait,"  um, yeah, subject change, "So, if I was there right now...would you object to me striping you naked and running my hand up and down your body while my tongue massages yours?"

I squeezed my eyes closed a little at the thought of what Brendon was suggesting.  "Mmmm...Bren, if you were here right now you could do anything your heart desired with me.  I'm serious, I'd be here for you to do whatever you wanted to, as long as you touched me and were against me, I'd be happy.  I just seriously fucking miss your touch and your body.  I miss skin on skin and snuggling up.  God...I miss your hands Bren...your hands and your touch..."

I whimpered a little.  I wanted to actually feel right then.  I knew it was going to be hard to end the phone call, but at the same time, I wished that it wasn't a phone call and that I wasn't on the phone right then.  I would have been happy to have given up the internship and gone home right that second, just so I could have been with Brendon and let him do what he wanted to me, as long as his hands were touching my skin.

"I'm going through serious Brendon withdrawal Bren.  I so desperately want to feel you hands on my skin...I hate that I have to wait yet, that I have to wait until I get home.  I seriously want you here right now.  Although, if you were here right now, stopping at touching and feeling and kissing and getting each other off might be really hard...I just...god, I want you right now Bren."

Took the words right out of my mouth.  Not that I was going to tell him, but I've been thinking a lot about us having actually sex.  The two of us.  And I think it could possibly happen the next time we see each other.  Actually, I want it to happen the next time we see each other.   Amanda says it might make the relationship harder to bear since we will be far away, but she is a girl...what does she know?

"Then, Ry, close your eyes, and act like I am there..." I did as I told him to do, breathing in yet again to inhale his sweet scent from his shirt, "And yes, feeling and touching and kissing does only lead to getting off.  But one day soon, we will do more.  I promise..."

I sighed, laughing as I thought about the first time we talked, "So, what are you wearing?"

I bit my lip softly, holding onto my pillow.  I wanted him there with me, I didn't want to spend the night alone in my bed with images, but I didn't have much of a choice.  Okay, I didn't have to spend the night alone, but it wasn't the same, unless I wanted to get myself in lots of trouble with Bren, not to mention myself.  

I licked my lips, forcing myself to calm down and focus on Brendon on the other end of the phoneline.  "What am I wearing?  I'm in a pair of black and grey pajama bottoms and a black tshirt.  I'm laying on my bed, and wishing that you were my pillow instead of it being my pillow..."

I heard music going on in the background, Alex was amusing himself I was sure, which was good.  He was still around too, I had the feeling I'd need him later.  At least the music he'd selected was a good background to my conversation.  "What about you Bren?"

Now who was rambling?  I smiled at the thought of him in his shirt and 'jamas.  He looked so cute in them.  The way they clung and hung right below his hips.  And the black shirt fit him just right.  He had to get those shirts in the boy section...

"Boxers.  Green boxers," I answered, "So, if I were there right now, and I could do whatever I wanted, I would definitely kiss you right now.  Then my hand would snake down your chest until I got to your pajama pants.  Once they made it there, I would unbutton the fly and stroke you through there, knowing you weren't wearing any boxers..."

Arching my back, I formed more into the mattress as my ass sunk down.  Luckily mom got me one of those beds that move around your body, cause I was having trouble sleeping at night.  It was so comfortable and cushy, but sometimes too cushy...

I whimpered softly, whimpering his name quietly after and laid back on the bed again, just holding the pillow against my side, trying to convince myself that it was Brendon.  There was only so much imagination could do, but I was clinging onto every little bit that I could.  I didn't know how I'd survive another week and a half without him.

"Mmm...Bren...you know me too well.  I don't even know why I own any..."  I bit my lip again softly, sliding my hand down my stomach a little, sliding my fingers under the waistband of my pajama pants.  I really didn't want to be touching myself, but I had to remember that it was Brendon's touch, Brendon's body, Brendon's hand.  I whimpered softly.

"More Bren.  What else would you do, if you were here right now?  I wanna hear everything Bren...I wanna know what you're gonna do when I get home next weekend.  Give me a preview?  Please?"  I bit my lip softly again.  I couldn't wait to actually feel him again, and I wanted to know what he was planning on doing.  After all, then I could get excited over the anticipation.

This time I moaned.

"You own them for the pure simple pleasure of having me take them off.  And pulling them on at the right moments when you get off at night, or you wake up in the morning.  It's convenient.  Plus, you look unbelievably hot in them.  Rest below those amazing hipbones.  Showing off your sexy legs.  Leaving me with a bit of imagination, like it is the first time I'd seen you naked every time..."

I bit my lips, as my fingers played with the skin right beside my forming erection.  Not tough, but hard enough to move it against the fabric of my boxers.

"And when I see you," I breathed out, trying, yes trying to sound sexy, but most likely failing, "You won't even make it in the door before I have you under me while we kiss and grind and make all kinds of noise."

"Breeennnnn...."  I whimpered again.  Brendon had the power to make me whimper a lot!  There were very few guys I'd ever been with that seriously had the ability to make me whimper at the drop of the hat.  Brendon, Brendon had that ability with a few mere words.  "God, be on top of me...mmm...please, I wanna be under you so badly.  Maybe its better if the door is the bedroom door so we don't make a scene...because I wanna touch and feel you, and have you on top of me."

I moved a little, feeling just a tiny bit weird about this with Alex outside in the apartment, before pushing my pajama pants down and off my hips, eventually getting them off and kicking them to the side.  I knew he hadn't said he'd take them off, but still, I'd rather be free, rather be able to easily touch and relax.  I wanted Brendon's words to wash over me.  I wanted to follow his mental suggestions, so it could be like he was actually there and touching me.

"Mmmm...Bren...tell me what you're going to do, how you're going to grind against me.  Tell me what kinds of noises you want me to make?  Because while you're touching me, I'm going to be touching you and holding you against me.  I want you so bad."

My eyes shot open so I could blink.  Damn, "Damn Ry, that's so hot.  If I wasn't completely hard before, I think I even got harder..."

Trying to remember what he said over the fact that I was drooling and moaning and humming, "Yes, the bedroom door is closed.  Locked.  It's just us.  Just the two of us and no one else.  You and me Ryan.  Just you an' me...Babe..."

It was getting hard to concentrate.  I needed to focus.  Focus.  I needed to get off but more importantly, I wanted to get him off.  At this rate, talking to him, I could manage without even touching myself, so I rolled on my side, staring at the picture of the two of us.

"First of all, that shirt.  It had to go.  And your pants, they're gone too.  My boxers...yeah, they're out also so we could see each other.  Watch each other.  Take mental...oh, and maybe some physical, pictures of each other for the next time we are apart.  Either way, by now, I'm naked.  You're naked.  And I'm climbing on top of you as you lie back.  My hands on your hips as I lean down and take your lips in mine before lowering my body to you pressing our erections together.  Flush.  No movement but our lips."

"Breennn...your lips...your body...please...touch me?  Please?"  Slowly, I start stroking myself.  The idea of him, naked and on top of me, pressing our hips together, letting us touch and kiss.  I wanted it, I wanted it badly, and I wanted more.  I wanted a lot more.

My body arched into my touch.  I could hear Brendon breathing on the other end of the line.  It was his breathing, his breath and his voice in my ear.  It gave the illusion of him being there with me all the more credibility.  I continued my hand, continued touching myself, imagining it being Brendon's body, his skin just touching mine, just touching.  Touching was the most important thing right then, touching and feeling.  God, feeling Brendon again...

"You on top of me, do you know how beautiful that is?  How amazing?  God, how sexy?  Mmm...you...naked...on top of me...with me...touching me...move against me Bren...please....."  I whimpered again, how could I not?  I mean seriously, Brendon Urie, naked, on top of me, the mental image couldn't be as good as the real deal, but I'd take what I could get.

"God, Bren..."

"Keep doing that...talking..." I sighed, bringing his shirt closer to me as I sucked in a huge amount of air.  Taking it all in, I realized it slowly, that Ryan was my crack.  And I was addicted.  I am addicted.  

"Yeah, I'm on top of you.  Now, with my lips on your neck, my legs entwined with yours, I'm gripping the head board with one hand, the other twirling your hair as I slide myself across you.  Not up and down, Ry, back and forth.  Slowly.  No pressure. No time limit."

And there was the pain in the chest.  I curled into a ball more trying to will my hand away from my cock so I wouldn't come too soon.  I knew I would though.  I always did.  Just thinking of him next to me did that.  To calm myself, I imagined him spooning me as I continued with my verbal actions, "Once I make a trail down your neck as far as I can reach, I bring my mouth back to your lips, kissing you.  Just feeling your tongue against mine.  Mass against mass.  The wetness.  Your taste.  I pull back.  To see your face.  To see your smile.  I love your smile..."

I sighed softly, closing my eyes again, letting my head fall further back into the pillow, my hand moving more on myself.  My eyebrows furrowed a little before whispering.  "Bren...mmm...no, no time limit.  Never a time limit.  There should never be a time limit with you.  Not ever.  In bed with you...touching you...feeling you...forever.  No limit, no time limit..."

I arched more into Brendon's my touch.  I pictured him above me, his smooth body, the curves I didn't take the time to memorize while I was with him, but were still emblazoned on my memory.  I'd touch his hips, his thighs.  I'd touch his stomach and his chest.  I'd touch his arms and his cheeks.  I'd slide my fingers into his hair.

Groaning his name, I arched again, moving my hand a little more, touching myself a little more.  "I love your smile too Bren...your lips...your mouth...kiss me again.  Kiss me all night.  Touch me and move your body against mine.  Mmmm...I wanna feel you all night.  All night...just you...on top of me...moving and touching...mmmm...its perfect..."

I growled.  Yes growled.  That's how I do....

"My mouth is on yours again.  We can kiss all night.  Whatever you want.  My tongue can be forever in you.  Between your lips and against your own as my body moves against you perfectly.  I don't even think.  It knows.  I set myself on autopilot so I can feel you against me.  Feel you on me and touch me and kiss me."

I couldn't stop myself as my hand slid to my erection.  It was his voice.  His pronunciation.  His ability, well, inability to form sentences.  The words and phrases that did it for me.

Seriously.  I need to stop reading slash.  Like good slash with analogies and imagery.  Meaningless stuff about roadtrips would suite me just fine.

"My body'll move against you as I find the lube I had already set out.  Coating my fingers, I reach down to your tightness preparing you for me."  Tightness?  what the fuck?  I am so bad at this stuff...let's just hope he doesn't laugh at me.

I whimpered again, see, he just drew out the whimpers!  I moved my hand a little more, the sensations running through me, the images in my head, the cravings of my body just driving me crazy.  I pressed deeper into the bed, moving my hips a bit with my hand.  It felt so good, but not as good as if it were Brendon's own hand.  Not as good as if he were actually touching me.

"God Bren, don't stop.  Please...don't you dare stop...I want your mouth.  All of it.  I wanna taste you.  Feel you.  Have you."  Moaning softly, my body moved more.  Alex was sure to know what was going on in my room, let alone on this phone call.  Hell, for all I knew he was sitting outside my door and listening to my side and getting off on it.  I wouldn't put it past him.

"Bren...mmm...Bren...are you...you gonna fuck me?  Is that what you want?"  My head twisted a bit on the bed, I felt like I could be writhing in pleasure, I was pretty damn close and I wasn't being touched by anyone but me.  Although, it wasn't true pleasure, no, that would be next time I saw him.  That would be having him in bed with me.  That would be having him naked with him.  That would be getting him to fuck me.  I wanted him to have me.  

I was panting, his name slipping over my lips repeatedly.  "Is that what you want Bren?"

I swallowed.  Him saying it, not me thinking it made it sound so real.  And true.  And right in my face.  And it scared the living shit out of me.  

Nodding, I answered him, "Yes, Ry...I wanna fuck you."

There I said it.  And I was still alive.  My heart didn't explode, I didn't simultaneously combust.  I was here.  I was alive, and I had a very horny and very very very sexy boyfriend on the other end who sounded close to nearing.  Yes, I had gotten good at judging how close he was, just by the incoherentness and the repeating of my name along with the whimpers.

"I do want to fuck you.  Just, just for now, with my fingers.  I slide them inside of you.  Two at once.  Pushing them in and out of your willing body as my mouth ghosts over yours wanting to kiss you, but at the same time, needing to hear you."

I moaned, my body immediately responding to Brendon actually telling me he wanted to fuck me.  I couldn't wait.  It was something I pretty much wanted him to do from the first time we made out.  I'd been dying for him to want to do it, let alone actually do it.  And he admitted it of his own free will.  God I couldn't wait to get home and see if he would make good on the desire.  My body was aching to have me inside him.

"Mmm...Bren...I want you inside me so bad.  To feel you...against me...inside me...mmmm...Bren...I've...I've wanted you to...mmm...so badly..."  My body arched again, a moan slipping across my lips again without me even realizing it.  He wasn't even there, but it didn't matter, it was so good just imagining him touching me like that.  I wished his fingers really were inside me.  To be touched like that by him...it was what I wanted so much.

Whimpering and breathing heavily, my body arched again, my body betraying my mind.  If he were only in the bed with me right then, damn my life would have been made.  "Uh...god...Bren...mmmmm....Bren...god, please take me...please...fuck...kiss me!"

"I do Ryan, I do too," I told the truth as my hand began to stroke myself, "I want to be in you.  To feel you engulf me and take me.  To move inside of you and touch you and kiss you and feel you in all the right places.  I'm ready for it Ryan.  I am ready.   More ready then ever as I sit here rocking into my hand imagining it is you making me moan and shudder."

And that he was.  He was amazing.  It was amazing.  Everything he did and said and thought.  Amazing.  Amazing and all mine.  I thumbed my tip as I let out a low whisper of his name.  Using the 'n' at the end to turn into a rumbling groan from deep down in my chest.

"Yes, my fingers are moving in and out of you as I grind my erection against the side of your leg, my knee thrusting up to rub against yours.  And I kiss you Ryan.  I kiss you with the fraction of strength I still have in me from the motions and energy I'm using on your lower half.  I kiss you and nibble at your bottom lip and roam your mouth with my tongue feeling every millimeter in your hot wet mouth."

"Bren...Bren...can't...."  I whimpered, groaning as I arched up, gripping onto myself a bit harder, god it felt good.  I needed him to make it real though, I needed him to actually be there and make all of his words real.  After all, there was only so much good my one hand could do, perhaps if I wasn't attempting to keep the phone to my ear...but I was, I didn't want to lose the sound of Brendon's voice in my ear, or better, his heavy breathing.

"Bren...god....I just....uhhh....Bren...want...want you so...so bad....I can't...mmm...ooohhh...Breennnn...."  My body was shivering and quivering beneath my touch.  My mind was full of images, images I couldn't wait for him to make reality, but sadly couldn't do soon enough.  I bit my lower lip, the phone beside my ear slipping slightly as my legs parted a bit on the bed, my hand sliding, stroking, moving, touching, squeezing.  Mmmm...it was so good.  

I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted his mouth on mine.

God, I wanted him.

My body gave way to the fantasy before we could even finish it and gasping his name in pleasure and writhing on the bed.  I pressed back into the bed, moaning and just letting the sounds spill from my lips as I let my body ride through it, imagining myself being touched still by Brendon, pressed against by him.  It made me ache, but in a good way.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to relax my breathing.  I knew I had better orgasms if my breath was even.  But him. And my mind. And my hand.  And his noises.  And my hand.  And the phone.  And my breathing.  Oh, and his breathing....

"Fuck Ry... you feel so good.  Your body.  The way our body heat is forming a sheet of sweat on the both of us, allowing us to move better against each other.  They way your bum is clenching and holding my fingers inside you.  The way your mouth is meeting mine.  Your sweet sweet sweet taste on my lips.  Your vanilla and fruit scented body melting into your bed, leaving your aroma behind..."

My hand was moving faster as I let another moan escape my lips, "Ry, I'm not gonna last much longer.  I'm almost there...So close.  So good.  So perfect..." I held that breath for as long as I could as I gripped myself harder, imagining yet again that it was inside Ryan.  I let out my breath as I came in my hand.  His name slipping freely from it.

I lay there regaining my composure as my hand still gripped my now limp cock.  I swallowed, licking my lips for any form of moisture, "Good you are amazing..."

Panting, I curled up on the bed a little, not caring if I made more of a mess of myself.  I felt suddenly cold.  I missed him, I wanted him right there with me.  I wanted the feel of his body against mine, feel the warmth of him against me.  I squeezed my eyes closed, my hand regrasping the phone and bringing it back up to my ear.  

My body was heavy, my breathing was heavier.  I felt lazy and I felt alone, even with Brendon on the other end of the phone.  I wasn't sure if I could go almost two more weeks without feeling him touching me.  I wanted it far too badly at that point, and it was driving my senses crazy.  Even fantasies were only so graphic, although they could be very graphic, just not as graphic as real life, and real life was what I wanted so badly.

"Bren...can you just...can you just be here right now?  Please?"  I whimpered softly, feeling like I was suddenly fifteen years old again, or worse, feeling like I did when that first guy left me.  I just wanted to be curled up with him, entwined with him and held by him.  I sighed softly, curling up a little more into a ball.  The music was still going on in the background, it told me Alex was still in the apartment.  I wondered if he'd heard me.

"I miss you."

Listening to Ryan on the other line brought that feeling back again.  The tightness in my chest, and now chills down my spine.  Not the chills I get right before I come, but the ones that hit me right when I when I heard words that shot through my body.

It's hard to explain, but it doesn't happen that often.

"Oh, Ry, you know I would if I could.  Hell, I would give anything to be with you right now.  In your arms.  Facing you.  Nuzzling myself in your neck while I kissed your soft, sweet tasting skin.  But," I paused, "I'm not even going to say it.  You know the reason.  We both do..."

I let out a long sigh.  I knew I had gotten myself off quite a few times since Ryan was gone, but hearing his voice, and not a recorded one on a cd, made everything better and more realistic.

"Just two more weeks, we've done it this long, we can do it just a little longer,"  yeah, not so easy for me to say, "Ry, are you alone right now?  Is Alex still there?"

I sighed softly, reaching over to pull the edge of the blanket over my exposed lower half to keep the coolness of the apartment off my cooling skin.  I closed my eyes, just wishing it was not material that was touching me, but skin.  I was going to be such an emo mess by the time I got home in two weeks.  I loved being in LA.  I loved being there with Alex.  But I wanted Brendon.

"Two weeks...its just...its hard to be away from you Bren.  I think I got a little addicted to you and I don't want to keep going every day without...without having you there somewhere."

I bit my lip a little.  It was true, but at the same time, I didn't exactly want to admit to him how much I missed him.  Sure, I distracted myself all the time with Alex and the guys in the building.  Every night we weren't working, I spend with the guys, having fun with them, doing anything to keep myself distracted from thinking about Brendon.

"He's in the apartment somewhere I think.  I hear his music.  Why?"

I smiled.  Just hearing him say that meant so much.  I knew that he would say he missed me and that he cared about me, but I don't know.  Sometimes I just feel like he was just saying that to say that.  Or am I just being self conscious?  I don't know.  Either way, I missed him too.  I mean, it's obvious,

Looking up at my computer screen, I felt a something run down my face.  Not sure if I was a tear or just my eye leaking from the lack of contacts and laying on my side, I swallowed, "I feel the same way.  But luckily we have work and things and friends to keep us.  I know, it doesn't help all the time, like, when we are lying in bed alone at night," I let out a long breathe, "But," I shook my head, "What is with me and 'but's tonight..." somehow I managed to laugh, imagining my telling Ryan what I was doing to him earlier.

"I was just wondering if Alex was around, so you know, you weren't alone in the apartment when I got off the phone with you.  I know how much him being there is helping you though being away from your family and friends."

I smiled softly to myself.  I loved the way he sounded on the other end of the phone.  Only thing I could think of that I liked more was the way he sounded directly into my ear.  I loved his voice, and I couldn't wait to hear it in person again, let alone to hear him sing.  I told myself to remember to ask him to sing to me.

"When I get home for the weekend, make sure you tell your parents you are staying at my house, because there's no way that while I'm home you're not staying with me.  Okay?"  I was serious.  I wanted him with me, in bed with me every night I was home.  I wasn't going to give that up at all.

"When...when we got off the phone I'll go and be with Alex...as long as he's not busy with someone else.  He really has been what's gotten me through this so far, and he'll be what gets me through the rest of this summer."  I glanced up at the clock.  "You should probably get going though...right?  I don't want to keep you too late.  I mean, I do, but I don't want you to be in trouble at work tomorrow.  So I don't want to keep you too late."

I turned onto my back and relaxed a little, letting the sound of the music from the livingroom and Brendon's breath just ghost over me.

"I will," Um, yeah, my parents would just have to get the hell over it, "Besides having to help with my party and stuff, I have already asked off for that weekend and will be all yours,"  I smiled again before yawning, "And I like the sound of that.  All yours!  Is Alex coming to, cause I forgot if I officially invited him to my party, which of course is a given, but still, we are having an after party to, so yeah..."

Just the thought of Alex made me smile too.  He was a fun guy, and I could tell why he and Ryan got along so very well.  I would love to have a friend like him.  Well, I know I have Spencer, but I am talking someone with the same preference as me.  And, I know, yet again, I have Amanda.  But, she's a girl, she doesn't count.  Yes. I am going to burn for that.

"I know that about Alex.  I am so glad you have him.  And even more so that he is with you there.  I feel bad sometimes cause I am here with my family and friends and you are there.  But just you having Alex there makes me relieved for some reason.  He really is a great guy, I've come to like him..."

Yawning again, "And yeah, I should be sleeping," I squinted my eyes to look at the computer screen again, "But I would much rather talk to you...and I don't want it to be like we got off and then we get off the phone.  Wait, did that makes sense?"

"What about the night of your party Bren?  Are we going to be able to be together at your house?  Or are you gonna come to mine?  You know my parents couldn't care if we sleep together in their house...but...but what about at yours?  Would it be an issue?  Because there's no way that I'm not sleeping in the same bed with you while I'm home.  No way in hell."

Frowning for a moment, I wondered if Alex was planning on going home with me.  I hadn't actually talked to him about it.  I figured I'd have to do that later.  "I dunno if he's coming home with me Bren.  We haven't really talked about it.  I'll talk to him later about it though and let you know.  I'd like him to come with me, but I'm not sure if we can both get the whole weekend off.  But I'm really glad you like him now Bren, really, thats important to me."

I heard movement in the apartment and I hoped that Alex didn't have someone over.  I really wanted to have him to myself right then.  I needed my best friend to curl up with me.

"That did make sense Bren, but you should go to sleep.  You sound exhausted, and I'm tired too.  I'm gonna clean up and find Lex and hope that he doesn't have company tonight so I can curl up with him...um...if you're okay with that..."

My parents, again, would have to get the fuck over it.  They liked Ryan.  So I'm sure they wouldn't care.  Plus, my sister has her skanky ass low-life boyfriend over all the time stinking up the place.  So, they better.

"Yeah, my parents will be cool with it.  No worries about that at all.  Wow.  I can't wait,  Just seventeen more days.  Um, yeah, not going to say the numbers cause it seems so far away...And that's cool about Alex, I understand.  They can't have the two of their best interns gone on the same weekend now can they?" I laughed slightly.

Sitting up, I reached for a Kleenex and wiped myself up before pulling my boxers back on, tossing the kleenex in the garbage and falling back onto the bed, "Yeah, I should get going, I am sleepy.  I've been a lot more since I've stopped taking the pills.  But the doctors said it'll wear off once it gets out of my system completely, so I'll be up and game when I see you next.  And yeah, if Alex doesn't have some fine piece of ass in your apartment, well, besides you Hon, I suggest you do find him and snuggle.  I know how much you'd like to do that."

I chuckled a little and sighed a softly.  "Well, I dunno if we're their best two interns.  But we'll see.  I'll ask him about it anyway.  I know he'd love to get to go home and see all you guys too, so maybe we can work something out.  You know, it really is only about four and a half hours away, so maybe if he can't come up for the whole weekend he can come up for the party at least.  I'll talk to him about it though, we'll see what we can figure out."

Looking down at myself, covered with the blanket, I frowned, I didn't want to put clothes on.  I wanted to be utterly naked and just sleep that way.  I hadn't slept naked in a while because most of the nights I ended up in Alex's bed.  And as much as I would have been okay with being naked in bed with Alex, I knew that wouldn't be okay with Brendon.  But I was going to go for boxers and only boxers that night.  I needed to actually feel him against me, because honestly, that was something I was craving desperately.

"Okay, Bren, I'm going to get going then, let you go to sleep.  And I'm going to...well...clean up and put on boxers."  I frowned a little, I didn't want to, I really didn't want to.  "And then I'm going to hope Alex has no one here because I'm going to drag him to bed and make him hold me all night...He's as close to you as I'm gonna get tonight..."

I bit my lip a little, just gently tugging on the skin of my lip between my teeth.  "I'll...I'll talk to you soon Bren, okay?  Just...remember, check your email tomorrow and let me know?  And sleep well Bren...miss you and talk to you soon, okay?"

I nuzzled into my pillow even more as I listened to Ryan's voice.  Sleep was certainly coming over me quick. I hummed to his answers.  Well, more of the frog that always grows in my throat as I get sleepy.  

"Yeah," I yawned, "Sleep is good.  Very good..."

Pulling the blankets closer around me as the air kicked in, I buried myself in the covers, leaving only enough room for me to see my computer screen.  Just that pic of me and Ryan smiling.  It made me so happy.  Beyond happy.

"Ok, find Alex and sleep well, just a few more days Ry, and we will be in each other's arms again.  And I can't wait!" I waited for him to say his goodbye before I hung up the phone, falling asleep with my eyes open as I gazed at the pic.

I said goodnight and hung up the phone, sighing for a moment and just laying there when there was a knock on the door.  I called out that it was open and Alex came in with a damp washcloth and a towel.

"I think you had a good phone call...here.  Its warm, I just wet it when I heard you say goodnight."  He handed them to me and turned to find a pair of clean boxers for me to get into.  He knew me far too well, but that was good because it was what I needed.  With his back turned, I cleaned myself up, thankful for such an amazing best friend.  He turned back moments after I finished and tossed a pair of boxers at me.  "Here, since I know you're naked under that blanket.  Get those on and then we'll go to bed, okay?"

I looked up at him and smiled slightly, nodding a little.  It was a small struggle to get the boxers on without just throwing off the blanket.  It kinda made me miss the days of being free with myself in front of Alex, he'd seen me naked a million times, but now with a boyfriend I didn't want to put that temptation between us.  I got the boxers on and he made his way over to me.  He picked me up out of the bed and carried me into his room.  If gay guys the world around could see how he treated me, they'd fall in love with him in an instant, straight girls probably too.

He put me into his bed before stripping himself down to boxers while I tugged off my tshirt.  He slid in next to me and pulled me against him.  In his arms, his upper body to mine, I let myself cry again.  His fingers slid through my hair and, still crying, lulled me to sleep.