Title: This is bullshit (22/?)
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
Rating: R
Summary: Emails and drunken phone calls
Disclaimer: *sigh*
Author’s Note: This is a co-write.  howido_fics (also where previous chaps are found) is Brendon, youbrat is Ryan.  Ryan's pov is in blue and Bren's is normal black. 



*Author's note: DID YOU READ CHAPTER 21? I MESSED UP AND POSTED THE WRONG CHAPTER LIKE AN IDIOT. SO PLEASE, READ THIS FIRST IF NOT. I APOLOGIZE TO YOU AND ELIN FOR THE CONFUSION.




Ryan,

So, do you miss me yet?

I miss you. Life has been rather busy. So, again, you were right. I would get busy and involved and all that stuff.

The smoothie joint is picking up since school is out, and being busy helps alot there. Matt has been treating me differently now, though, after he found out I was gay. Nicer, actually, but different. He asked me if I wanted to be moved up to a management position, but that would require more hours, and i couldn't do that with the job i have at my dad's office.

Speaking of my dad's office. That is the most boring thing I have ever done in my life. And Ryan, i have to wear a damn tie! I hate it!

I so do not want to do that for a living that is sure. That should be fun explaining it to my father. Hell, we aren't in the 40's anymore, we don't have to follow in our father's footsteps...

Oh, I almost forgot, there was a guy from the Sun at our show we played at that chick's party, and the story is going to be featured in a special on extra-curricular activities. The guy even wants so take pics of us. AHHH! I need a haircut and clothes shopping! Which reminds me of shopping with you...and I had so much fun.

But, I have to get going, it is getting late, and I have to be up at the asscrack of dawn to make the snooty people coffee and give them their mail and answer their phones and wipe their asses..... good times, really.

I miss you, and i can't wait to see you, which will be as soon as I can!
Take care Ryan!
Bren


(next day)
Hey Bren,

Of course I miss you, how could you even question that? I'm busy though, just like I knew we'd both be. We got through our orientation, and I'm serious, if it weren't for Alex being here, I'm not sure I could get through all of this. Its crazy here, but crazy in a good way too. Being interns we've been doing a lot of the menial tasks that interns do, but we're working a label party tomorrow night so theres the possibility of meeting famous people. I'll let you know about it for sure though.

I'm glad that Matt is treating you better, as long as he's not hitting on you. He does realize you have a boyfriend, right? And a management position would be really cool, if it weren't for all your other responsibilities. Its too bad you're stuck at your dad's office. As your manager, I'd want to require more band time than work time, but I know I can't expect that of you guys. I'm sorry working at your dad's is so bad though. Maybe he'll back off once Alex and I get you guys signed to a label. I'm still crossing my fingers for seeing and talking to Pete and getting you guys on Decaydance.

Thats really awesome about the guy from the Sun. I can't wait to see the article. I wish I could be there for the photoshoot of you guys. But I'm sure you'll do amazing. Just make sure to ask for copies of the pictures to use for promotional use by the band. I can't wait to see them though, I'm sur eyou guys will hit it without us being there.

I'd love to go shopping with you, but you have some great clothes already though. What about those that you bought while we were out shopping? Wear something you bought with me Bren if you can. You looked so good in all of it, and if thats the only way I can be there for it, I'd like that.

Alex and I are going out with a couple of the guys in a few minutes, but I wanted to take the only time I've had all day to get back to you. We've got a hot dinner planned and then we're going to a club. It should be a lot of fun and its our first real fun night because we don't have to be in till later tomorrow, so we're taking advantage. If you get a drunken phone call from me tonight I apologize in advance. ;o)

I miss you Bren and can't wait to see you soon. And hopefully we can schedule another phone date soon.
Ryan


I rolled over, hearing a humming sound and ignoring it. Working all day at Dad's then closing at the Smoothie place, a band practice till one...I was beat. And now humming.

Groaning when the noise wouldn't cease, I looked towards the glowing light on my desk.

My phone.

Who the hell would be calling me this late? I read my alarm clock: 1:37

Rolling out of bed, I picked up the phone. Ryan, Hmm...

"Hello," I croaked, trying to sound as awake as possible so he wouldn't feel guilty for waking me up, that was the last thing I wanted.

Alex and I were curled up in the backseat of the car we'd used to go out for the night. One of the guys with us had agreed to be designated driver. The rest of us were very out of it. Alex was pretty near on top of me, and we were giggling together while I had the phone held up toward my ear.

"Leeexxxx....stoooooppp...he's gnna answer ta phone...stoooop...."

I continued giggling but Alex wasn't really actually doing anything but breathing against my neck. It was just causing ticklish feelings that sent shivers down my spine and made me giggle all the more. It wasn't until I stopped talking when I realized the phone had stopped ringing.

"Ren? Sat you? You there? 'S a grrt night!"

My eyes got huge. Um. Ok.

I wasn't sure if I should laugh or not. Holding the phone from my ear, I went to close my door, knowing my parents could probably hear him three doors down, "Ry, yeah, I'm here..."

Moving to my bed, I slid in my covers, "Are you having a good night? Is Alex taking care of you tonight Ryan? Is he with you?" Holding my breathe as I waited for him to answer. I knew as long as Alex was there that he would be safe. Safety in numbers, I always was told.

This time I did laugh as I heard mumbling and him giggling like wild. It made my heart swell. I missed that so much. The nights we would just lay there and poke each other or tell stupid jokes about ducks walking into bars and such.

"Mmm...Ren...you like rum? Rummmmmmmmmmm. Rummmm is gooooooood."

Alex nuzzled his face into the curve of my neck and caused me to giggle more, more hysterically too. I moved more into him a little, to be honest, I wasn't drunk often, I never really fully enjoyed being drunk, but I had been told I was at least a happy drunk, and occasionally a horny drunk too. But I tended to stay away from large amounts of alcohol, it just so happened that the two guys we were with were 21 and bought us drinks, they bought me lots of things with rum.

"Lex, Lex, Lexlex." I giggled at my sudden nickname I'd given him. "Lex-lex...Why is the rum gone?"

Alex busted up laughing and called me Jack Sparrow, and the driver started laughing at the two of us. Alex's hand rubbed a little at my stomach.

"Mmmmmm...good night...goooood. Mmm...Lex...your lips er pink...brrright pink. Lick 'em."

My head fell to the side, and I sighed softly, Alex still rubbing at my stomach.

"Ren?"

I just shook my head. Not sure why he called me. Ok, so I know why he called me, this isn't the first drunk dialing phone call I had received or given for that matter. I always felt bad for the person I was calling. And a little jealous of those who were calling me. I wish I had a bottle of rum in front of me now....

Hi, my name is Brendon Urie, I am 18. And I am an alcoholic.

Say it with me now, "Hi Brendon..."

Yeah, not so much, I've been drunk twice and the first time I threw up for two days. Spence and I got into his father's bourbon. Luckily our parents thought our hangovers and almost visit to the hospital was punishment enough.

"Good," I muttered, "Alex is with you. Or should I say Lex-lex," I laughed, "And yes, babe, I do like Rum. And I can tell you do too. I'm glad you are having a good night Ry, but is someone else with you? Is someone driving that knows their way around? And is sober?"

What? Someone's got to be responsible...

"Mmhmm...in the car...not going fast enough...pretty lights evvreeywhere. J'son bought me rum...rummmm, like rummmm. Makes you mmmmmmmm. Rummmmmmmm."

I giggled again as Alex mumbled something I couldn't understand into my ear as he pressed in closer to me. Alex was very touchy when he was drunk, even more affectionate than normal. He was pressing kisses to my neck while his hand was rubbing my stomach, and his fingers were playing with my shirt.

"J'son likes vodka. I like rummmmm. Lex likens rummmm good too....had bodyshot, Lex liked, me too, not as good as rummmmm tho. Lex says I'm Jack...Jack is hot, eyeliner on Johnny Depp, ummmm."

From the driver's seat, Paul, the only sober of the four of us, cracked up laughing. It was a good thing he was gay and agreed, but he still found it hillarious.

"Dun laugh 't me, Paul! You had noooo rummm! You had sooooodaaaaaa!"

I sighed a relief. Paul. I could honestly kiss the guy. I allowed my body to relax, not even knowing it was tense while I made sure that Ryan was safe. Speaking of that, I planned to stay on the line until I knew he was safe and alone in his bed. Ok, maybe with Alex, so that he doesn't vomit in his sleep, but with his clothes ON!

"You like rum, huh? It is nice. What did you drink it with? I like mine with coke. Where did you get the rum Ry?" I knew he was too preoccupied, and well, drunk, but still, I had to at least talk to him and keep him and myself semi-entertained until he was safe at his place.

"And yes, Johnny is hot. But not near as hot as you Ryan. No one is even close..." I wonder if he was a horny drunk like me, cause I could so take advantage of that...as long as I knew no one else would take advantage too. Yes. jealous/paranoid boyfriend is coming out in me. But I know how people get when they are drunk, they'll stick their tongues and dicks in anything that has a hole...and I don't want my boyfriend to do that.

Giggling, I fell over onto my side in the back seat, luckily it was a big backseat and I didn't hit my head on the door. I ended up half-sprawled across Alex's lap, giggling into the phone as his hands played in my hair.

"Mmm...Johnny likes rummmm...Jack likes rummm...and eyeliner...and Orlando, but he calls him Will. I thnk ther gay. She goes, they come."

I giggled at my 'joke' and moaned softly as Alex took to giving my scalp massage.

"Ssssooooooo good Lex-lex....ssssooooooo goood....dun stooop...dun..."

I sighed in content and pressed a little closer into Alex as I felt the car come to a stop. I had no clue where we were, and I didn't really care. I was comfortable and could have been very content to stay right there to sleep. But Paul had other ideas.

"Okay you guys, I'm gonna get Jason up to our apartment then come back for the two of you with one of the other guys. Don't go anywhere, okay? Just...stay here and...stay clothed. If you're good I might give you a glass of rum before bed."

I looked up then and giggled. "Ooooohhhhh more rummm! Mmmmm...rummmmm. More rummmmmm pease!"

My head tilted to the side a little. "Rummmmm n cock!"

Smiling at him, I laughed, "Ry, you gonna listen to Paul and keep your clothes on?" I was wondering what Alex was doing to make him so content, but knew it couldn't be that bad if they were still clothed and in a car. I mean, how much could happen. Ok, I'm not going to answer that.

"Rum and cock, Ryan? Is that a drink or an agenda for the evening?" I still couldn't help but laugh, I mean, how could you not? He was too cute. Mr. Perfectionist and Straightforward is drunk and goofy. I kind of like this side of him. Fun and cute. Weird how alcohol does that to people. Makes them not themselves and almost a kid again. I'm just glad he isn't calling me from jail cause he punched some guy or something...

"Hey, Ry, where is Paul? Is he there yet?" I wasn't a fan of them being in the backseat of a car, drunk, and in LA. The whole thought scared me, and I had no clue what side of town they lived on, if it was a private gated entrance apartment or anything. What has gotten into me? I've turned all caring and responsible in the last three hours...

"Dun like clothes...they suck...not as good as Lex-lex and Ren tho...want off...mmmmmm....rummm and cock...."

Alex moved the two of us until we were both laid down in the backseat of the car. Paul had locked the doors so we'd have a hard time getting out of the car, and Alex was taking advantage of being alone and close, and drunk. One of his hands was still playing in my hair, the other was just running around my body, nothing more than semi-innocent, but it was distracting.

"Mmm...cock is good with rummmm....rapsberry rummmm is good with cock too...tasty..."

Alex was giggling into my shoulder before he tilted his head up and started to run those pierced lips up along my neck. I groaned softly and shifted a little toward him, his hand moving up my body again and to cup my cheek while he continued moving his lips against my skin. The phone almost dropped from my fingers as he distracted me.

Cock with rum? Raspberry rum with cock? Oh! COKE! I get it.

"Ryan, you mean Coke? Rum and coke?" I heard him moan, taking it as an agreement to my answer, "Hey Ry?" his noises got more distant and muffled.

What if someone got in his car? What if they stole him? Would he scream? What if he was making out with Alex? What if they were naked? What if Alex fucked him or he fucked Alex?

I wanted to scream. Or cry. And at this point, I wished I wouldn't have answered the goddamn phone.

It was bad enough that my boyfriend was miles and miles away from me. And that he wasn't there for me to hold him and smell him and taste him. And here I am tired and lonely and a little hungry and horny from all this cock talk, and now my boyfriend is getting it on in the backseat of almost a stranger's car....

"Ry...." Nothing, "RYAN!? I yelled louder, covering my mouth so my parents wouldn't hear, "Please, Ry, answer, say something so I know you are alright..." and that Alex's tongue or cock is not down your throat.

"Mmmm....Lex-lex...."

Hearing Brendon's yell, my hand gripped onto the phone again just as the door to the car opened beside our head. There was Paul and another guy I knew I recognized but couldn't remember his name.

"Oh, okay you two, enough of that! Look, I even brought Jacob down to help us get the two of you up to your apartment and into your beds."

Jacob! That was his name. I looked up and grinned at the two of them before giggling.

"Paulllls silly upsiddddown. D'you like rummmmmm Jacob? We likes rumm...the rummmms all gone though, jus like Cap'n Jack said! Rummms alllll gonne! Paully promised rummm. Rummmmm....rummmm and cock!"

I broke down giggling again before remembering there was a phone in my hand. "Ren? Ren? C'n I have some more rummmmmm? Rummmm n cock? Coke? Cock? J'cobs here. I dunno f'he likes rummm...but I bet he likes cock!"

I sighed another huge relief. He was safe. But what did they have enough of? I knew rum for sure, but what did Paul walk in on?

"Ry, Babe, maybe you should just go to sleep and forget about the rum," great...here I was the party-pooper. I was always annoyed by the person who wanted the others to stop drinking. And I was being a hypocrite and telling him the same thing I hated to hear. He wasn't hurting anything, "Ok, Ry, maybe one more, but promise me you won't hang up until you are safe in bed, cause you know I will worry about you all night if you don't."

I listened as he made his way, most likely, to his place. I could here the other guys talking, luckily he was behaving and obeying as he went. The last thing he would need is PI or something.

"Ry, you in your place yet?" I asked after not hearing him for a while.

Paul had me, his arm around my waist, my arm around his shoulders. Jacob had Alex, which was a good thing because Jacob was about as big as Alex. Although Alex was making some definite moves on Jacob, and I pouted a little as I saw them but had to recling onto Paul to continue up to our apartment.

Paul figured out that I needed my other hand, and he took the phone from me, putting it to his ear. "Um, hi, this is Paul, I'm a friend of Ryan's. I'm guessing, by him calling you 'Ren' that you're the Bren he talks about all the time. He really needs his hands right now, he's a fumbling mess, but don't worry, I'll get him up and into bed and everything. Me or Jacob is gonna spend the night too, make sure the two of them are okay, and whoever isn't with them is going to stay with our friend Jason who is just as bad as these two."

I pouted and looked up at Paul, swiping my arm at him. "Gimme my Renphone!"

OK. Now I was grinning like a fool. He just called it is 'Renphone' as loud as it was, it was still cute.

"Yeah, I am Bren, Brendon actually, and thank you, um, Paul for taking care of him. I'm not sure what I'd do if anything happened to him. And I understand about the whole hand thing, it's cool, I was just worried about him. And, you aren't going to give him anymore alcohol are you? I'm assuming you bought it for them in the first place, so you know they are done. Rum is clear, maybe a glass of water instead will do..."

Yep, I was rambling.

"I'll be quiet, I'm sorry, I am sure you know what to do with them..." I sighed as I got more comfortable in bed, snuggling into the pillow.

Paul looked at me and shook his head, causing me to pout even more dramatically. Behind us Alex made a small moan sound, and I turned to look at him. He'd managed to get Jacob's hand into a place I'm sure Jacob hadn't planned for it to get to, and that set me off giggling and then I wanted to be touched and pouted even more.

Paul got us to our door, he'd taken my keys earlier, and opened it for us. "It's okay, you're his boyfriend, if I remember correctly, you have every right to be concerned and all. He'll be fine, and don't worry, we'll take care of him. He had a very good and a little wild night. He seemed so quiet I never expected him to be anything but quiet. He proved me wrong tonight. The kid can dance when intoxicated!"

Paul laughed to himself as the two of us made it into the apartment and he looked at me. "Which room is yours Ryan?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, seeing my phone in his hand again and lunging for it, causing myself to fall onto the thankfully carpeted floor and giggling again as Alex came in with Jacob, a huge grin plastered on his face. Paul shook his head. "Okay, stay there, we'll get Alex in bed first."

I pouted slightly and shook my head. "Lex-lex and Ren mine, mine, not yours, our bed, snuggles."

Laughing at Ryan and what Paul said, yeah, he was usually the quiet one and now... Not so much. But I will definitely have to remember the whole drunk dancing thing. That could be good....

I had no clue who's hand Ryan's phone was in, so I say back and waited. If they were in their apartment, the least they could do was give Ryan the damn phone, I mean really, how hard would that be?

I felt like a fly on the wall or something. Only, a blind fly, I guess, cause I couldn't see a thing. It was weird and annoying. And it made me sleepy. I yawned as I waited, half tempted to hang up the phone since I knew Ryan was safe in his apartment.

Paul shook his head again. "Here, talk to your boyfriend while we put Alex in bed."

He handed me the phone and grinning like a fool, I put it up to my ear. "Theys putting Lex-lex in bed. Think they'll gimme rummmm? Rummmm...wanna lick rummm from you. Can I? Lick...lick rummm?"

Paul and Jacob came back after a few moments, and Jacob literally picked me up and carried me into my bedroom. I went without a fight because I had my Bren back and just happily sat there with the phone in Jacob's arms as they went about putting me into bed and partially undressing me. I just ignored them.

"Dun wanna be in bed. Want rummmmmm!"

I was shaking from laughing so hard, "Ry, you can lick anything from me that you want," I reached down to readjust myself through the sheets, "You know this. And who needs rum when you have me on the phone, Babe? Aren't I good enough?"

I smiled into the phone, humming a little as I sank further into my bed, "Don't you just want to sleep Ry?" I yawned, "Stretch out and sleep?" I hoped and prayed and wished that they wouldn't give him anymore rum, "So, you had fun tonight? I heard you were dancing. Practice any moves you want to share with me the next time we see each other?" I smiled again, imagining him dancing and touching himself on the dance floor.

"I really want to see you dance the next time I see you, I bet you looked so sexy and hot..."

I pouted a little when I realized they put me into my own bed, alone, no Bren or Alex there to keep me company. I didn't want to sleep alone, I missed, already, having a body next to mine. I could hear, vaguely, Paul and Jacob talking and they said something about Alex already being asleep. I pouted even more.

"Dun wanna sleep alone. Dun wanna sleep. Rummmmms good. Verrry goood. N dancing...daaanccing..."

I giggled a little and moved on the bed some. "No music. Can't dance 'thout music."

I moved again, just as Jacob came into the room. "Okay Ryan, I think you should hang up the phone, take some asprin and get some sleep. Paul has elected me to spend the night here, so I'm going to be taking care of you two. I think you need to sleep."

Shaking my head a little, I looked over at him and pouted a bit more. "No sleep...rummmmm! Paul promise rummmm!"

I strained to listen to what someone was saying, well, over Ryan shouting and singing and slurring. From what I could gather, Ryan was in his own bed and the same with Alex. And someone was staying with them. Which is good.

"Ry, I'll sing for you when you dance, just not tonight, and maybe that guy is right, maybe you should put the phone down and go to sleep. I'm sure you have big plans for work tomorrow, and then we can both sleep, how does that sound?"

I smiled, thinking of him laying in his bed, stripped to his boxers, most likely on his side, curled up in the fetal postion as he talked to me. That's my Ryan. The one I missed every night and every morning, afternoon and evening. The one I wanted to pick up the phone and call each time something happens, like me running over a caterpillar on the way to work...but I knew I couldn't I knew he was busy. I just wish he was here. Right now.

"How about I sing you to sleep, how does that sound?"

Jacob shook his head, coming over to the bed and sitting down on the side of it. He reached up and brushed the hair from my forehead. "I know Paul promised you rum, but, he's gonna have to make good on that promise tomorrow, okay? He's left already to go take care of Jason, Alex is already asleep, and I don't have any rum here. So can we promise it to you tomorrow? After we get back from the club we'll let you have some rum, okay? I'll make sure of it myself. But you should get some sleep. I'll set the alarm for tomorrow, but sit up and take this asprin and drink this water, okay?"

I pouted up at Jacob. "No rummm?"

Sighing, I dropped the phone as Jacob helped me sit up. He handed me the glass of water and the asprin, making sure I took them before he let me lay down. "I'll be on the couch. If you need anything, you can just call, okay?"

I nodded a little as I laid down, closing my eyes a little before I remembered the phone and looked around for it, grabbing it and picking it up. "Ren? You there?"

Good guy, whoever you are. Thank you for taking care of my Ryan.

"Yeah, Ryan, I'm here. How are you feeling, Sexy? You still enjoying the effects of your great night?" I allowed myself to sink into my bed more, knowing that it was just me and Ryan. I hoped he would fall asleep soon and let the alcohol wear off, but I also wished we could stay up all night and just talk.

"Tell me what you did tonight Ryan, tell me all the fun you had. Did you see anyone famous? Were there good bands where you went?" I yawned again, waiting for him to answer, "Did Alex have a good time?"

I know, question overload, but he knew when to tell me to shut up. I just wanted to hear his voice. With out the word rum coming out.

"Mmm...Ren...sleeping alone...dun wanna...come 'ere? Please? Wanna wake up with you..."

Sighing softly, I snuggled more into my pillow, yawning softly, images of rum and Captain Jack Sparrow in my head.

"Dun like sleeping alone...dun like you not 'ere." I sighed again, my eyes getting heavy. "Want you...Ren...want...mmm...you...'ere....Lex-lex n me danced n dancing...like to dance...likemmmmsleep...not 'lone. Lex-lex hot...took off shirt...danced 'th me...mmmm....Ren..."

Chills ran down my spine, and I wasn't sure why. I felt sorry for him. I know it was just the alcohol talking, but still. I kind of wish Alex was lying in there with him. But, he's a grown man. He could handle himself. One night of drinking couldn't change that.

"Ry, I wish I was there with you too, more than anything in the world, but remember, you are going to try to come home in two weeks for my party and the fourth, and then I will be coming up in July, and we can wake up next to each other then, but until then, you have to sleep. And you know what would make it come quicker? If you fell asleep right now. Take your pillow and curl up with it and imagine it is me, and fall asleep. The sooner you do, the closer it is for me to be coming to visit..."

Whoa. Reverse psychology. My parents always did that when me and my sister wouldn't sleep before holidays or vacations. And somehow we always fell for it. I guess we never learned.

"........................................................................................."

Brendon's words lulled me to sleep, the phone still against my ear.