Title:This is bullshit (11/?)</>
Authors: howido_fics & youbrat
Pairing:Brendon/Ryan</>
Rating:R</>
Summary:The show</>
Disclaimer:*sigh*</>
Author’s Note:It’s a co-write. I am Brendon, youbrat is Ryan. THIS IS A TWO PART-ER!</>
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I spent the afternoon helping my dad.  It went fairly quick, since I replayed the night over and over in my head.  You know, I am glad with my decision of not going any further.  Although it would have been nice to ‘get it over with’ as they say, I couldn’t imagine having to do all this heavy lifting and scrubbing with a sore ass.

Luckily we were finished before three due to heat, so I could go over to Spencer’s for his band practice.  They usually let me sing a few songs with them since their singer sucks, and they can’t really make him quit cause he started the band.  So he and his ‘big head’ takes a break after like two songs, allowing me to pick up a couple.  I am usually shy, but I love the microphone.

And tonight, I have something special planned.  Luckily, they will help me out.  Plus, I get to play the keys, since their keyboard player doesn’t know my special request.  It should be fun!

After Brendon left I went back to bed.  I slept for a few hours, just letting myself relax, but having my face buried in the pillow where he had been.  It smelled like him.  It smelled good.  I slept into the afternoon before I forced myself to get up.  My mind was consumed with what had happened last night and that morning.  I really wasn't sure what I was supposed to do next.  Obviously I was going to the show that night, once Brendon emailed me the details of it, but beyond that, I wasn't sure.  I wasn't sure if I should put space between me and him, let him start to get comfortable with the idea of being gay and actually being with a guy, or continue being there so he always saw me.  It wasn't a situation I had ever really been in before, and it was frustrating me a little.

I grabbed some clean clothes and headed down the hall to take a shower.  I figured I would shower first and then spend a few hours studying a little for my exams on Monday, and then I'd go and get myself some dinner.  I wanted to make it a lazy day, after all, it was Saturday, but I didn't want to be so lazy that I was late going to the show.  I jumped into the shower and took my lazy time getting clean.

I helped Spence, and the band get ready and set up.  Nice thing about this venue, there was some sort of a backstage, so we could bring all the stuff in, then put it where it is supposed to go.  I loved this shit.  Guitars and drums and keys, my parents never let me play fun instruments, I had to learn the violin and the piano.  What good is that?

Once we started setting up on stage, I saw Amanda come in.  She was in charge of the merch, which consisted of a bumper sticker, a demo, and a t-shirt, but still, she liked to feel involved.  I helped her set up the table as the band began sound check.  There were two other bands playing tonight, but Spence’s was the one that people came to see, so they were on last.

As I helped Amanda, I gave her the juice about last night.  She was squealing and shrieking, you would have though Pete Wentz walked in or something.  I tried to keep her down, but luckily the first act came on to make some noise.  But the first act meant doors had opened, and now I need to see if Ryan will actually show up.

“Hey, Manda, I’m gonna go look around,” she gave me a knowing look, “And yes, if he is here, I will introduce you to your prom date.”  I ran away before she could squeal again.

I took a forty five minute shower before I curled up in my chair with my book and notes for my Monday exam.  I studied the rest of the afternoon until I felt my brain was so full with information that I couldn't put anymore in.  Of course, I would have to study more the next night, but I was perfectly happy with the amount of studying I had done.  

Closing my book I got up and went to decide on clothes to wear.  I hadn't checked my email yet, but I was assuming Brendon had remembered to send the info.  Chewing on my lip I picked out another pair of jeans, much like the ones I had worn the night before and also picked a snug-fitting blue t-shirt and tugged both on.  I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head.  I didn't want to wear all blue and stripped the shirt off again, tossing it onto my bed.  It had been much easier to pick clothes out the night before, I wanted to pull on another black shirt, but I didn't want to look exactly the same.  I eventually decided on a gray version of the shirt I had worn the night before.  

I checked myself out in the mirror before nodding and going to do my hair, making it messy but perfect, being sure to have the hair falling over my eyes again like the first night he'd seen me.  I then took the time to put perfect black eyeliner around my eyes.  Once I finished I checked my email, making note of the venue and grabbed my money and id, shoving them into my pocket before heading out to grab a quick burger on my way.

I scanned the crowd, making sure not to miss anyone, and no signs of him.  I hope he got my email, I wasn’t sure about his handwriting so, I tried my best.  Once I gave the place a look-over, I kept my eyes on the door, glancing toward the bathroom in case he went there.  Since the merch booth was next to the door, I decided to chill with Amanda while the first act performed.

They were pretty good, for being 15 and 16 and all.  All they played were covers, so there is not much you can expect there.  But still, the kid had Billie Joe down perfect.  I just hoped my performance could pass.  

After the band announced their last song, I slid up on the table and dangled my legs, leaning against the wall.  Young girls asked me for autographs, which I thought was funny, so I chatted it up with them.  Too bad I was gay, I would have got some action tonight for sure.  I found out that they went to Ryan’s old school and were fans of the band, but mostly when I sang, people were, cause if you aren’t following the band, you prolly didn’t know the other songs they performed since I did covers.

I continued talking to them, as the a crowd formed for the next band,  they were distracting me, and I forgot to watch the door.  I hope he hasn’t come yet...

I hopped in my car and drove through the drive thru to get dinner at one of the fast food stops on the way to the venue.  I ate with caution while I drove, not wanting to spill anything on myself before I got there, that would just be utterly embarrassing.  I made it to the club okay and parked my car, getting out and arranging my hair again while I looked into the car window to check to be sure everything was perfect.

I carried the trash from my dinner to the bucket outside the door and nodded to the guy out front, handing over my cover fee as I shoved a piece of gum into my mouth.  I didn't want my breath to smell or mouth to taste like a fast food burger all night.  I pushed my keys into my back pocket and walked into the club, hearing the music and smiling to myself as I let it wash over me.  I usually wasn't big on going to shows of high school kids, but some of them really did have good sound and were worth going to, so I figured there would be no harm in going after all.

Nodding to myself I passed a mass of girls off to the side of the front door and made my way to the back of the crowd and looked up at the band on the stage.  I didn't see Spencer up there so I assumed it wasn't his band and that I hadn't missed anything yet.

The next band started on-stage, and there was still no sign of Ryan.  That asshole!  He promised.  I told him the show started at 7, even though is started at 8, so that he could come late but still not miss anything.  I knew I should have just let him fuck me, or whatever he had planned this morning, he was prolly over me and my babiness with the Ritalin, the shyness, the inexperience, the blushing, the talking, the hyperness, and the fact that I tried to run away.  Personally, I don’t blame him.

I was debating on whether to text him or not to see where he was, but if he wasn’t coming, I would lose even more of a chance with him if I kept bugging him, so I decided to head backstage to tell Spence and the guys that it was back to the same lineup on songs, no surprises tonight.  

Heading to the bathroom before I went, I stopped and talked to a group of guys from school near the back of the line, looking at the stage, they were only on their second song, so I had time to make it backstage before Spence’s set began. I decided to chill with the guys in the back for a moment.

I glanced around the venue, not seeing Brendon and sighed.  It would be my luck that he wouldn't even show up even though it was Spencer's set.  I shoved my hands into my pockets and glanced around, noticing a merch table in the back and making my way over to it.  I smiled slightly at the girl behind the table and looked at what the merch was.  It was defiantly Spencer's band and their merch.  It was kinda cute, and I picked up their demo.  I looked at it for a moment before looking at the girl, asking her to do me a favor and hold onto one of them for me to grab at the end of the night, telling her I knew one of the members and would like to have their demo.

I glanced back up at the stage as the other band continued and hung out toward the back, looking at all the high school students and feeling out of place.  I may have only been a freshman in college, but I could feel the difference between being around college students and high school students.  It made me feel a little old, and it actually made me feel a little out of place.  I chewed on my lip a little, not sure if I should just bag it and leave, but figuring that I could at least wait until I could see Spencer and tell him to tell Brendon I didn't like being forced into doing something and lied to.

I walked back over to the merch booth since the guys I was talking to started smoking.  Once I made my way over, Amanda was grinning and fanning herself.  “What’s up?” I asked.

“Damn me if I didn’t like girls, this really, really hot guy just came up and asked me to save a demo for him...” Amanda continued to fan herself as I rolled my eyes.

“Look around, there are a ton of cute guys around here.  Does he go to our school?”  I asked, kind of bored of the situation, let alone, pissed that Ryan didn’t show.

She giggled, “No, I’ve never seen him before, but I’d like to see him again, you should show up after the set to see him when he picks it up, he said he knew one of the guys in the band, so there you go.”

Rolling my eyes, yet again, I shook my head, “Manda, no one said he was gay.”

“Bren, no one said he wasn’t...”

OK she has me there.  I started to head back to towards the stage when I saw someone out of the corner of my eye, I did a double take.  It was Ryan, in all his glory.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, glancing at the time before sighing again.  I seemed to be sighing a lot since I left my dorm, and I didn't like it.  I pushed off the wall and made my way over to the bar, ordering a soda and leaning against the bar as I watched the band up on the stage.  They weren't horrible, that was for sure, but I was looking forward to seeing what Spencer's band would come out with.  I'd heard him back when I was in school, he was pretty good himself, so it'd be interesting to hear him in his entire band.

I handed over some money to the bartender and thanked him before I took the glass and pushed away, making my way around the back wall again, deciding to just stay toward the back until Spencer came on.  I'd make my way toward the front then, maybe not all the way to the front though, but hopefully enough for Spencer to see me.

I smirked as I turned around and looked at Amanda, “Is that him?” I pointed to Ryan, leaning against the wall.  She nodded, about to say something, but I held up a hand and said, “He, my friend, is all mine, but you can borrow him next Saturday if you are real nice!” I winked as I made my way towards Ryan.

Amanda yelled something at me, but I couldn’t hear her over the music, so I ignored it.  I smiled the whole way over to him as I pushed through the crowd that kept forming, damn, there were a lot of people here tonight...

Finally making my way to him, I leaned in and, well yelled, in his ear, “Glad you made it,” before running my nose through his hair, taking in the scent the I didn’t want to shower off today.

I nearly jumped when Brendon came up and yelled into my ear, and I turned to look at him, smiling at him and slipping my arm around his waist, pulling him against me and not caring at all that we were out in public, hoping he didn't either.  I leaned forward and spoke into his ear as I held him against me.  

"I was just starting to think you stood me up.  I told you I'd be here.  Did you think I'd lie?"

I pulled back enough to look into his face before turning and taking a sip of my soda before offering it to him.  "Where've you been?  I was looking for you and didn't see you anywhere."

I took a drink of his soda, licking my lips, I played with the hem of his shirt.  “Me, stand you up?” I laughed, “No, I was hanging out at the merch booth, I’ve got fans, you know,” I smirked before kissing him lightly on the cheek.  I heard the band announce two more songs.

“Hey,” I pulled out of his embrace to grab his hand, “You wanna meet your prom date?”  I lead us through the crowd without letting him answer, but stopped before I got there, “Oh, and I’m gonna go on-stage tonight, so do you wanna hang in the crowd or come backstage with me?  Cause I have to go there as soon as their set starts, if not before...”

"You weren't at the merch booth when I was there Bren.  There was only one girl sitting there.   And unless you sprouted breasts and lost your cock, it certainly wasn't you."  I grinned at him and threaded my fingers with his as he led me through the crowd toward the merch booth.

"I'll come backstage with you.  No need to hang out with a bunch of high school kids in a crowd with no one I know when I can watch from up there.  But why are you going on-stage?"  I pulled him closer to me, glad for the multitudes of people so it wouldn't necessarily be so obvious to everyone that we were deliberately being so close to each other.  But I wanted to more than just feel his hand.  I licked my lips as I looked at him, I wanted to kiss him right then and there, but we were again in public and probably a lot of kids around he knew.  I didn't want to embarrass him.

“No, that was actually your prom date,” I wiggled my eyes as he moved closer to me, “And, I’m on-stage because their lead singer sucks, and I sing a few songs with the band, that he won’t cause he is a conceited asshole who will only sing the sucky lyrics that he writes, so I do covers.”

We made our way to the merch booth, where Amanda was sitting with her jaw dropped looking from me to Ryan to our hands and back up in that rotation, “Amanda, this is Ryan, Ryan this is Amanda, we would love to stay and chat, but we gotta head backstage to get ready, so we’ll see you when the set is over, OK BYE!”

I tightened my grip on Ryan’s hand as the crowd thickened towards the front of the venue.  Once we got to the backstage area, I nodded at the bouncer guy, and he let us through, eyeing Ryan suspiciously.  As soon as we made it through the doorway into the dark crowd, I fell against the wall, pulling him into me, “God, you look amazing tonight!”

I laughed and waved at Amanda a little with the glass in my hand, not getting the chance to say nice to meet her before Brendon had me tugged through the people.  I gave her an apologetic smile over my shoulder as we disappeared into the crowd.  He pushed through and brought us through into the backstage area.  I smiled at the bouncer as we past and laughed when I felt Brendon pull me against him against the wall.

"Do I?  So you've been what...waiting until there was no one around, and we were in the dark till you would tell me that?"  I chuckled and finished my drink before putting the glass on the side before pressing in against him.

"Are we still keeping you secret Bren?  Do I need to wait until we're hidden before we can be....affectionate together?"  I smiled at him in the dark, pressing my body against his, pressing him into the wall.

I knew what he was getting at, and I didn't want another 'tiff' and really, it's not that it is a secret, so I told him the truth, "No, we aren't keeping me a secret, people came here to see a show, not two guys making out.  I hate going to concerts, and people are in the back making out, whether they are straight or not.  I mean, a party is one thing, but not a show.”

To prove my point, I reached around forcing his body against mine as I heard the band playing their first song.  “And, I would have told you you were the hottest guy I have ever seen before in my life out there, but it is too damn noisy,” I grinned as I leaned in and pecked him on the lips, “You really do look good, that gray shirt, Mmm...mmm..mmm...”

I smiled and pressed in closer against him, pressing my lips to his and starting to kiss him fully, putting my hands on his hips as I did before pulling back a little and murmuring.  "Are you supposed to be up on that stage?  Am I keeping you when you should be...working the crowd or something?"

I licked my lips and moved one of my hands up to caress Brendon's cheek, looking into his eyes and smiling softly.  I didn't want to let him go.  Personally, I'd be happy just standing there in the back hall making out with him all night, but I was sure he would have to go eventually and then I'd have to let go.  I leaned in and kissed him again lightly before pulling back again so that he could actually answer me.

I kissed back, fuck the stage, I wanna stay here.  I continued kissing him until I heard them end their second song, I went on after the third, and if his hands kept doing what they were doing, I’d end up going on-stage with a boner.  Pulling back quickly, my head slammed into the concrete behind me, “FUCK!” I yelled as I lifted and hand to rub my head.

Shaking my head, “Just my luck,” I laughed, “Ryan, I gotta get up to the stage, you are right, but you stay right next to it, cause I am only doing like five songs, then we’ll come back to this, but if I don’t start now, I’ll be sporting more than my cool shoes,” I pointed down, “And that might be a little embarrassing,” I laced my hand with his again, walking over to the stage, waving at Spencer who gave me and Ryan a knowing smile as the band finished up their third song.

I squeezed Brendon's hand softly and smiled over at Spencer before dropping his hand and nodding at him, moving over to sit on the side of the stage so that Brendon can do what he's supposed to be, and I won't be in the way.  I smile over at him as I sit down and lean against whatever was behind me.  I ran my fingers over the edge of my jeans while I watched the band on stage and watched Brendon go out onto it as well.

I didn't know that Brendon sang, but it was fun to watch him.  He really got into it, and it made me smile.  Although I found it very odd that he was singing with a band who already had a singer.  But it wasn't a big deal, maybe they could get rid of the singer and just keep Brendon.  He was much better than the actual singer.

“Hey, thank you guys for coming out tonight.  This is the biggest crowd we have yet, so why don’t you give yourselves a hand?”  the lead singer asked as he pointed to me, “Well, you all know what time of the show it is, time for our friend Brendon to perform some covers, I’ll be at the merch table if you guys have any questions about upcoming shows or the demo, if not, enjoy Bren,” he patted me on the back as he handed me the mic.

I performed the same songs I usually do, a Fall Out Boy, All American Rejects, The Academy Is..., and a Green Day.  Usually, I do Britney Spear’s ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ but tonight, I’m going with a different song.

Making eye contact with Ryan, I sat down at the keyboard, “I’m gonna play something a little different tonight, this song is for someone special.  And they know who they are!”  I winked and started the song, “Cra-zy,” I sang, as Spencer kicked in with the drums, “Ba-by, I’m so into you, you’ve got that something, what can I do?” I smirked at him, “Ba-by, you spin me around, the earth is moving, and I can’t feel the ground,”  The keyboardist watched as I did the first few bars, which repeated, and pushed me out of the way as he followed my eyes.

I watched Brendon through all the songs and raised my eyebrows when he looked at me and dedicated the song to me.  I almost bust out laughing when he started singing though, instead I just smiled and continued to watch him.  I loved his voice, and I was definitely going to have to get him to sing for me more often.  If he weren't so closeted I'd have gone out on that stage and kissed him soundly and listened to the crowd go crazy.

I licked my lips, almost tasting him on them and smiled to myself as I watched him.  He was good.  He was very good.  And if I had my way I'd get to put his mouth to something else a little later.

I hopped off the chair and continued the song, “Eve-ry time Ry looks at ME, my heart is jumpin’ it’s easy to see,” I swayed my hips as the girls I was talking to earlier screamed, “You drive me crazy, I just can’t sleep, I’m so excited, I’m in too deep,” I kept my lower half planted on the ground as I worked my hips and shoulders to the beat, “Oh, oh, oh, crazy, but it feels all right, baby thinking of you keeps me up all night,” I grabbed myself while thrusting forward.

Now it was time to work the crowd, cause hopefully I had his attention.

Walking over to the bass player, who was also gay, I slammed my body against his side, singing into his ear, “Tell me, you’re so into me, that I’m the only one you will see,” I winked at the crowd before slapping his ass, “Tell me, I’m not in the blue,” I pranced across the stage, “That I’m not a-wasting my feelings on you,”Every time that I look at you,” I pointed to Ryan, “My heart is jumpin’” I bent forward to the beat, “ WHAT! CAN! I! DO!”

My jaw dropped as I watched him on the stage.  If I had expected anything from that kid, it certainly wasn't the performance he was putting on.  He took me completely by surprise.  And on top of that, was utterly hot.  I licked my lips, feeling my mouth go dry as I watched him and I knew, even more than the night before, I knew I wanted him.  I wanted to have the time to run my fingers all over him and make him beg for more with that voice of his.

I shifted slightly where I was sitting.  I wanted to walk over to him, but I was damn near frozen.  I wanted to grab him and kiss him, but I couldn't move.  But what if, even though he was being rather open, it wasn't his confession of being into guys?  What if I read it wrong, and what if he wasn't ready?  I moved again, forcing myself almost, and I sat forward.  My eyes were glued to him and every single move he was making.  It was so hot, and I was glad I hadn't worn anything heavier than the t-shirt I was wearing because I felt like I was sweating.

As I repeated the chorus, I skipped over to Spencer, dancing around him, and licking his cheek before the ‘You drive me crazy’s laughing as he tried to wipe it off with his shoulder.  I walked over to the keyboardist, and we swayed and hit hips as the bridge set in.  

“STOP!” I yelled with the words motioning the guitarist and bassist to come towards me, moaning into the mic, we formed a chorus line type dance where our shoulders rocked, and our feet kicked, “You drive me crazy baby!  Excited, I’m in too deep!” Keeping eye contact with Ryan, I smirked as I kept singing, again grabbing myself and thrusting to the beat when I sang about keeping up all night.

The song ended, and I was exhausted, all that dancing and singing got to me.  Well, not enough to stop me from running along the stage and slapping hands with the crowd.  What can I say? I love fans!

I just sat there, watching Brendon, watching him in awe.  I could not believe that that was the same kid, the same shy, inexperienced kid that was in my room last night.  That was so much more like the kid who had been on the phone those first few times, but more than just that.  That was not the Brendon I felt I'd gotten to know.  But this was the Brendon who I wished had been in my bed this morning.  I didn't care if we hadn't had sex or if it was a while until we did, but that was the Brendon I wanted to kiss and touch and sleep next to.

I watched as he slapped the hands of the fans.  There was a part of me that was jealous of how he acted on stage with the band members, but I wasn't about to tell him that.  After all, we weren't exactly dating.  I couldn't call him my boyfriend.  So it wasn't as though he was cheating or that I had any right to feel jealous.  I moved to stand up, waiting for him to come off stage.

I ran off stage, grabbing Ryan, and pulling him to his feet so I could kiss him.  I gripped his waist, bringing him closer to me.  I was all hot and sweaty, and I hoped he didn’t mind, but fuck that was so much fun!  As tired as I am when I come off stage, the adrenaline I feel is enough for me to run around the block eighty times!

I knew we weren’t far enough off the stage to not be seen by the crowd, but honestly, I didn’t give a fuck, if they didn’t like the fact that I was gay, then fuck them.  I might even lose some girl fans, but I dunno, those slash stories have a pretty good following!

Moving back from the kiss, I grinned, “Enjoy the show?”

I laughed and nodded, pressing my lips against his again and pulling him hard against me, walking back a little into the shadows and then turning and forcing him against the wall again, kissing him hard and hungry.  One hand was rested on his hip, the other was on his cheek, pressing his lips hard against mine as I just forgot about everything and everyone around and just focused on kissing Brendon as passionately as I could.

I pressed my hips in against his, pulling back a little to suck on his lower lip before I kissed him hard and hungry again.  I wasn't going to let him get out of this situation easily anytime soon.  After that show of his, there was no way he could deny me at least this little bit of affection and hunger, especially after everything we'd just gone through that morning.  I wasn't going to force him, but I wasn't about to pull away after a split second of kissing.

I’ll take that as a yes.

There wasn’t much I could do with him pressing me against the wall, so I complied and kissed back.  I think practice was over, and it was time for the game.  And this was the fucking Super Bowl!  

Running my hands along his waist, I slid them up his shirt along his wet skin.  He must have been sweating too, cause his shirt clung to him even more, and his skin was a slick, hot surface I had never felt before.  The way it pulsed and vibrated and moved as I ran my hands along it was electrifying.  I knew I shouldn’t right here, but I began to grind my hips into his as I wrapped around him even tighter, attacking me tongue with his.

I pulled back after an eternity of kissing him and panted hard as I looked at him.  I moved my hand and ran my thumb over his lower lip, focusing my eyes on his mouth before flicking them up to his eyes.  He looked so good right there and I was tempted to tear his clothes off and just take him, but I knew I couldn't.

Leaning in I pressed another kiss to his lips, my thumb pulling softly at the corner of his lips as I kissed him deeply and passionately, the buzz of the crowd and all the people just kinda making a dull lull in the background and not distracting me from the boy against me.  The boy who had his hands on my skin and was driving me crazy.  I pulled back quickly and growled.  "Fuck Brendon, we can't do this here!"

I looked up into his eyes, breathing heavily and sliding my hands to his hips, taking a step back from him before grabbing his hand, turning and damn near dragging him as I tried to get him somewhere more private.

I tried to regain my breath and some composure as he headed back towards the crowd, tugging his arm, “Well, we sure the hell can’t do it there either, come on!”  I took the lead as we made our way to the back room where I knew had at least a couch and a chair.

And maybe some water...I could really use that right now!

Once we got inside, I made sure no one else has stolen our idea and locked the door, in case they did.  I reattached our lips walking him back to the sofa, pushing him down on it.  After he got situated, I climbed on top of him, making sure to apply a fair amount of pressure to his groin, for both of our benefits, before lying flat on top of him, tongue lapping at his neck while my hand trailed up his shirt again.

I let him lead me into the back room, and he shocked me further by taking dominance.  I didn't know what about the night had gotten into him, but this was crazy, amazing, but crazy.  I ran my hand up and through his hair, groaning softly and sliding my other hand down over his back, pressing him down against me as I tried to catch my breath, my body arching up slightly into his.

"Brendon..."  I whimpered softly and tugged on his hair gently so he'd look up at me.  "What...what changed between this morning and now?"  I looked into his eyes, my body screaming at me for stopping what he was doing, but I needed to know.  This morning he freaked out at the prospect of anything more than what we were doing right that moment, and now there he was, practically throwing everything from before out the window and going for all of it.  I wanted it, trust me, I wanted to have him more than anything, but I wasn't going to let his first time be on a couch in the back room of a skeevy club.

I was panting.  Why did he stop?  I am glad he did, but damn, it was getting good.  I looked him in the eye, ok, I lied this morning, his bright evening eyes were the best.  I sighed, trying to get my speech back, “It’s the stage!  It does it to me, the whole atmosphere and fans and sweat and singing.  It gets me going.  I come to life when I am on stage, it’s like I am someone else.  Someone people care about and look up to, I dunno,” I smiled down at him, kissing his temple, forehead, eyebrow, eye, the bridge of his nose, the tip, his left cheek, nose again, then his right cheek, across his jaw and back to his mouth were I sucked his bottom lip.

Grinding my hips into him yet again, I let out a low moan while resting my head on his shoulder, working my lover half as I did on stage.  “Why? Is this bad?”

I held onto him, listening to him and feeling my body screaming at me to just take him and have him and let it be the end of all the tormenting.  I moaned when he moved his hips against mine, my body could almost not handle it because it wanted to feel him and feel the release of being with him so badly.  How do you deny the feeling of something that is threatening to burst you with?

I let my head fall back, panting softly and licking my lips, tugging gently on his hair again.  "God no Bren, this isn't bad.  Fuck....no..."  I bit my lip, trying to organize my words, but his actions were driving all words out of my mind and I couldn't really focus.  "Not bad...no, but...but I'm not...I'm not letting you..."  I whimpered, both from sexual frustration and because it just felt absolutely amazing.  "I'm not letting you have your first here...not here...not like this..."

I smirked, I had him.  I loved being able to turn him on like this.  This being how he turned me on, but that is besides the point, "Ryan, no one said anything about my first happening here, let alone tonight," I pecked him on the lips before humping him again.  Ok, so maybe my first was gonna happen tonight.

No.  I’m not ready.

I looked back at him, but damn he is hot, and smart, and funny, and kind, and sexy, and down right perfect, but, not tonight.  I can’t.  Everything I worked hard for, ok, my parents beat into my head, but still, I have morals, I mean, we went on two dates, we aren’t even calling ourselves boyfriends yet, fuck, my parents haven’t even met him...

I was about to tell him when my phone went off.  Moving down his body, I got on my knees to retrieve my phone from my back pocket.  Oh yeah, I set an alarm for my medicine.  “Just a sec, I need some water or something,” said as I pulled the pill out of my pocket.  Nice and clean and sterile I’m sure, “Plus, sounds like the show is almost over, so wanna continue this at the after party?” i wiggled my eyes, “My parents think I’m staying at Spencer's...”

I watched him move to sit up and shook my head a little.  The boy was an enigma, he really was.  One moment he was a shy, innocent kid who had no clue what he was really doing sexually, the next he was this...dominant, sexy person that I wanted to throw all thought and caution to the wind for.  The kid was so good at playing me and getting me to give in only to yank it back.  I knew that if I tried to get him to actually have sex, he'd tear it away at the last minute, because he wasn't ready, but he was such a tease when he did things like he was doing right then, and things that he said too.  I made my decision, Brendon was a cock-tease.

I slid my hands up along his thighs when he moved up to sit.  I watched him and shook my head a little, laughing softly.  "Brendon, are you suggesting that you're spending tonight with me again?  Two nights in a row?"  I was all for it, but I also knew that if he stayed over too often I'd get fed up with waiting because it would be far too much of a tease, and I didn't want to force him into anything.  He was just too much for me to handle sometimes.

"Yes," I smirked, "That is precisely what I am suggesting.  The party is at Spencer's till whenever, and then you and I can either hang there or somewhere else, but it is up to you."

I hopped off the couch, pulling Ryan up with me, "But, we better get back out there, sounds like the show is over, and I am Amanda's ride to the party, which you can ride with us, or follow again, but since it's close to campus, you might as well ride with us, cause if you do," I grabbed his hand, "Then we can do this the whole way!"

Smiling, I unlocked the door, pulling the both of us into the hallway.  We passed some of the guys from the first acts while making our way to the merch booth just as Amanda was cleaning up, "How were sales tonight?"  I asked.

"Would have been better if we had some demos with your voice on it, the girls were going crazy over that song and the after show..." she trailed off smirking at Ryan.

I laughed as I followed Brendon out to the merch booth.  He made a very persuasive argument, but my only concern was leaving my car at the club, I really didn't want to leave it overnight.  I blushed softly at what Amanda said and kinda stood behind Brendon a little so he was half hiding me.

"Um...yeah...about the...after show...how many people saw that?"  I looked from Amanda to Brendon and back to Amanda, biting my lip.  I knew that Brendon had wanted to keep his sexuality a secret, and it still shocked him what he had done on stage.  He wasn't sure Brendon was really ready to come out like that, because that really seriously would have been coming out if anyone had seen them making out when Brendon got off the stage.

"Oh, and Amanda, do you still have my demo?"  I grinned a little shyly and slipped my arm around Brendon's waist as I stayed close to him.

"Who saw that?" she laughed as we looked at each other, and I gave her the face to please lie, "Oh, only the people who were in like the first row or something, I mean, Dave was already out there to sing, so the show had moved on," I smiled at her, she is so good at bullshiting and perfect to keep around.  I just knew, though, that if Ryan knew found out a lot of people saw us, that that would put us a step back, yet again, and I really didn't want that.  I liked where we were going early, and I would certainly like to continue that at Spencer's, in the hot tub, the tree house, my car, the bedroom, the closet, an open field, perhaps a pond or a dugout...really, I didn't give a shit, as long as his tongue was down my throat again...

"Oh yes," Amanda reached for a cd on top the box, "And it is on the house," she leaned in to whisper to Ryan, "Or, we'll just take it out of his royalties..."

"Haha, very funny," I stated dryly, "You almost ready to get out of here, we need to pick up some snacks for Spence's, and you are riding with me," I turned to Ryan, "Are you too?"

"Uh huh.  What she's really trying to say is that the entire crowd saw..."  I turned to look at Amanda.  "...right?"

I tilted my head to the side as I regarded her.  I could tell she was lying, and it was probably because she didn't want Brendon to flip out, or maybe he knew she was lying.  Sighing I stepped back and took the cd from her.  "Thanks.  But I don't feel right just taking it.  So if you won't let me pay for it I'm gonna give the band a $20 tip."

I pulled my money out of my wallet and tugged out a twenty, going to put it in the tip bucket so that she couldn't protest before I turned to look at Brendon again.  "I dunno Bren.  I'd like to, but I need to get my car back to the dorm if I am riding with you.  So...unless you wanna follow me back to the dorm so I can drop off my car...I just don't want to leave it here overnight or anything."

I watched him put a twenty in the bucket and shook my head, what a gentlemen...Hell, if someone offered me a free cd, I'd be all over that shit!

"Yeah, we can follow you back and drop your car off, but the sooner the better, cause we are in charge of the refreshments and such with the merch money, so, if you are ready to go now, then we can drop off your car and come by and pick up Amanda, and make sure that the band is all packed in stuff, or we could even run by the Super Target and get the food and stuff."

Yes, I was ignoring his first question about the whole place seeing the kiss, I didn't care about that, so why should he, it's not like his life would be hell on Monday at school if they did...

I nodded and looked at Brendon.  I hated when people ignored my questions, but I was going to let it go, for now.  I just knew though, Monday I'd be getting a phone call from him about the rumors, and the truth being all over school, and he'd regret what he did, and how he interacted with me.  He had told me he wasn't ready, and then did that.  I just hoped he didn't regret it that much because then it would hurt me to know I was a regret of his.  That was one thing I never wanted to be to him was a regret.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go."  I tugged my keys out and looked at Amanda.  "We'll be back.  Campus isn't too far away, so we'll just be a few minutes."  I smiled softly and turned to head out the door, heading toward my car before turning and looking at Brendon again.

"Meet you back at the dorm?"  I looked at him, my mind going in circles.  I wasn't quite sure what to think because he just changed everything in the course of about twenty minutes and my brain hadn't caught up to reality.

"Of course!" I nodded as we both got in our separate cars.

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

I could tell he was pissed, which lead us back to the beginning.  I know, I am stupid for kissing him in public when I told him I wasn't ready yet, and I know that he is gonna go all weird on me again, so I had no clue what tonight was going to bring, but either way, even if we were surrounded by people at the party, we will still have a chance to talk things over on the car ride back to his place, and hopefully all will be good again, and he would offer me to spend the night, if not, I know something is wrong.  I have no clue why I don't have the balls to just ask him.  I guess I am afraid of the answer, cause I know he is almost always right.

Before I knew it, we were back at his dorm, I parked next to him and waited for him to hop in my car.

I drove through the town, not turning on the stereo, just leaving the car silent so I could think, however, unfortunately, my brain was going in too many circles to actually make any coherent sense.  I sighed as I pulled into my parking spot at the dorm and left the demo cd on the passenger seat as I got out of the car.  I locked it up and went to climb into Brendon's car.

"So, are we going back to get Amanda or are we going to get the refreshments and things first?"  I glanced over at him as I pulled out my phone to check the time and realized I had a text message.  I checked my messages and smiled when I saw who it was from, immediately typing in a response and apologizing for my lateness as I waited for Brendon to answer me.

I watched as Ryan slipped into my car.  He was so graceful sometimes, me, I would have tripped on the seat belts or something, but that's how I do, so you know...

"No, we have to pick up Amanda cause she has the money from the show, plus, she’s better at picking out stuff and knowing amounts and such, as long as you are cool with that?" I asked when I noticed he was fiddling with his phone smiling.  I raised a brow, "Got somewhere else to be?"

I nodded in response to his first question and flipped my phone closed once I was done sending my message.  I looked back over at him and shrugged a little.  "Thats fine with me.  And no, I don't, just got a message from someone and..."

I shrugged and smiled.  "Just...wasn't expecting to hear from them tonight is all."  I looked out the window of his car while he drove and leaned back when my phone went off, and I grinned when I saw who was calling, answering it.

"Hey you, its been forever, what the fuck made you try to get a hold of me tonight?"

I huffed before turning back to the road, well, it wasn't a huff like I was pissed, more like a 'what the fuck, it figures' kind of huff.  Um, ok.  Really, if this phone call was that important, he could just go back to his dorm and talk all night.

Ok, so maybe I am being jealous right now, I mean, it could be his mom, not like he talked to her like that, or his best friend, or, I dunno, an ex guy who wants to meet up and fuck him tonight.  Shit...I don't know why I am getting so paranoid about it, but luckily my paranoia busied my brain, so that I wasn't eavesdropping, and it made the trip back to the venue quicker.  

I was out of the car as soon as I parked, leaving Ryan with his 'phone call'.  Making it inside, the guys had most of the stuff packed up, so I went to tell Spencer we were heading to a store and see if he needed anything special.  Then I rounded up Amanda and told her about the phone call as we made our way to the car.

I bit my lip as I listened to the guy on the other end before my jaw fell open.  "Are you fucking kidding me?!  When?"

I looked up when Brendon got out of the car and sighed softly to myself, shaking my head.  I'd make the call quick, but this was an important phone call for me to take right then and there, and it was utterly unexpected too.

Listening to the guy on the line, I laughed.  "You and me, man, we're gonna rip up that town!  Three months, you, me and all the fun we can handle, sounds perfect!"

Amanda and I made it back to the car, I popped the trunk, noticing that Ryan was still on the phone, and once all was inside of it, I slammed the door a little harder than I should have.  Opening the door for Amanda, she got in, giving my a sympathetic smile which I just trudged of.  She knew how I was when I got pissed off.

I plopped into my seat, turning on the ignition and all but peeling out of the spot, as Ryan sounded excited on the phone.  

Which pissed me off even more.  I almost ran a red light, but Amanda grabbed my shoulder and squeezed as I stopped in time, noticing that Target was at the next right.  I pulled in the lot, finding a spot near by as Ryan finished up his conversation.

Looking up I saw Brendon and Amanda coming out of the venue, and I felt a little bad about not helping, but this was important, and I hoped he'd understand.  I winced though when he slammed the trunk and closed my eyes, not wanting to get upset myself.

I chewed on my lip a little more as he talked loud and excitedly on the other end, and I laughed.  "Yeah, well, you better be getting your ass here next week before everything is all closed up here and then we can head out there together.  Sound like a plan?"

I nodded myself and rested my head back against the seat behind me as Brendon got in and peeled out of the parking lot.  Glancing at him out of the corner of my eye I could tell he wasn't happy.  "Okay, that's a plan then.  Hey, I'm out right now so can I call you tomorrow or something, and we can make final plans and decide if we're gonna drive or fly and all that shit?"

I nodded again and closed my eyes so I didn't watch Brendon's driving.   I was grinning like a fool even despite the coldness I was feeling come from the driver's seat.  "Okay, then I'll talk to you tomorrow.  Sleep well and dream of you and me and the city lights!"

Laughing at what he said in response I told him goodbye and hung up, shoving the phone into my pocket.  I looked over at Brendon and then back at Amanda.  "Sorry I didn't help, that was kinda an important call..."  My voice was small, almost quiet, and I was wondering if I should just ask Brendon to take me back to my dorm.

"Oh, that's ok, I understand!" I could hear Amanda smiling in the backseat, sure ANY hot guy would make her smile, makes me think it’s a fucking phase she’s going through with her girlfriend and all she wanted was attention, and that girl happened to give it to her since she was so damn shy around guys.  Shit, maybe that was my problem too.  But I have no problem around girls, at all...it's the guys that make me weak in the knees, and especially this one sitting next to me.

I just huffed again.  Not the same noise as before, but this one was more of a 'sure Amanda, tell him what he wants to here even though I just told you the truth'....  Whatever!

I got out of the car once we were parked, "Well, do you need to go back to your dorm so you can have those sweet dreams of you and your friend on the phone?" I walked faster into the store, not waiting on the other two, I knew Amanda would stick up for me, and I knew it was wrong for letting her, but I really didn't want to deal with it, cause I knew I would cry and say something wrong and hurtful.

Well, more wrong and hurtful then I already said...

I smiled at Amanda when she said she understood, but Brendon...Brendon just when off the deep end.  I watched him get out of the car and practically slam the door closed and then I heard his words.  I frowned and chewed on my lip as I watched him walk into the store and turned to look at Amanda.

"Maybe I should just go home."  I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, shaking my head a little.  "Do me a favor and just...I dunno...tell him I walked back to the dorm and if he cools off and decides he wants to talk to me to call me...I'm sorry about....about all this.  What just happened and all."

I glanced over at the store and shook my head again.  "He didn't even ask what was going on.  I would have told him."

I looked back at Amanda and gave her a small smile.  "Tell him...tell him he has until Thursday to decide if he even wants to talk to me again.  If his answer is no...I guess I won't be your date on Friday to the prom.  I'm sorry.  But if he's going to overreact to me talking to one of my friends...then he needs to grow up a lot before he's going to get into a relationship with me.  Because he'd need to be pretty fucking mature to deal with what I just learned, and if this is him showing his maturity, he isn't ready for a relationship with me."

I leaned in and kissed Amanda's cheek softly.  "I hope you have a better night tonight than what just happened.  You guys have fun at Spencer's."

With that I started walking across the parking lot in the direction of campus.

"Wait!" I heard someone yell, "BRENDON BOYD URIE, GET YOUR SCRAWNY ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Shit.  I sighed, turning back around, of course she would take his side.  I saw as she ran after Ryan, great, I made him want to leave.  Ok, so I don't blame him, since he had someone else to think about and be with tonight.  I made my way very slowly back to the two of them, but not before she slapped me upside the head.

"Seriously Brendon, what the fuck is up with the bi-polarness?  Like a half hour ago, you were all over the guy, and now he gets one damn phone call, and you turn into a fucking hormonal girl?  I am not buying it.  And neither is Ryan,” she looked over at Ryan, “Sorry for putting words in your mouth,” then back at me, “That was me, Bren, all me, he didn’t say that, but dammit!  I hadn’t see you this happy since I have known you, and I am not going to let a damn phone, which you know nothing about, get in the way of a good healthy relationship.  Fuck, Bren, just hear the guy out,” she grabbed the keys from my hand, “I’m gonna go get the food, and when I come back, you,” she pointed to me, “Better have gotten over yourself, and you,” she pointed to the both of us, “Better be making out on the hood of the car or something...”

I gulped, looking at Ryan.  I couldn’t read his eyes.

And once again, someone else was right.  So, I guess that is my lead, “Sorry for overreacting.”

I stopped and turned when I heard Amanda yell at Brendon, and I shook my head.  I wasn't going to deal with this anymore tonight.  The kid had mood swings like no one I'd ever met and I just couldn't deal with it anymore tonight.  He should be the one coming after me and apologizing, fully apologizing for being a little pmsing bitch or something because his attitude to my phone call, and my friendship was utterly uncalled for.  It pissed me off that it was Amanda making him come back, not Brendon himself.

I looked at Amanda and crossed my arms over my chest.  I didn't want to be making out with him right then at all.  I had a lot more things going on in my head and in my life now than just a relationship with a kid who wasn't ready for a gay relationship, and he didn't seem to want to know anything about it.  I looked at him when he apologized for overreacting and I just looked at him.  I didn't want to be talking to him and I wanted to just go back to my dorm and finish packing up anything but my necessities and figuring out what I'd need over the next three months and what I wouldn't.

My voice was fairly cold when I finally responded to him.  "Overreacting?  That’s an understatement wouldn't you say Brendon?"

Damn.  I am screwed.  I can't dig my way out of this.  I know I will only dig myself deeper, but I guess I'll be a dumb-ass if I don't try, and if is doesn't work out, then I guess I'll never see him again, as much as I would hate that.  But, as much as I deserve it.

"Ok, yes, it was an understatement," I kicked a rock, not looking at him, "And I am sorry.  I really am.  I mean, ok, I am stupid, and I got jealous.  But she is right about you too, one minute, you were all over me too, and the next you are talking like that on the phone," pointing towards the car.

Um, yeah, maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say...I held the bridge of my nose, I think my drugs were kicking in, “Ignore what I just said that.  I am sorry Ryan,” I looked him in the eye, “I am new to this,” throwing up my hands, “All of this.  And I was being selfish and stupid, and for that, I apologize.  I just, we are always so up and down, and I don’t know what to do to fix it, I mean, life was so simple, hell, I’m a senior in high school, a place where I’m inferior, and now, I meet you, and I realize I know absolutely nothing, and that scares me.  But at the same time, I like being naive, and I want to you tell me what to do, and tell me what to say, and tell me what to feel....which I know you can’t.  And I know you aren’t looking for someone to baby, but that’s what you get when you get me, a baby.  A kid, someone who needs guidance and needs to be told to slow down and breathe...cause as you can see, I fuck up a lot.  And I don’t want to anymore than I don’t mean too...”

I looked at him and shook my head, looking away and closing my eyes.  I didn't know what to say to him.  I wanted to scream at him for being to immature to be rational about a phone call.  I turned back and looked at him, my arms still crossed over my chest.  "Did it ever occur to you that I actually have liked spending time with you, but that there are other people in my life who do occasionally want to talk to me too?  That phone call was one of my best friends.  One of my best friends who is at another college, and who I have been trying to get to transfer back here.  One of my best friends who was in on the LA trip that I've been busting my ass for."

I shook my head and rubbed a little at my temples before looking at him again.  "Had you waited a few moments and actually asked me what was going on rather than turn into a pmsing woman and flip out at the fact that there was someone else talking to me and someone else I was excited to see, and someone else I was going to spend time with then I would have told you what was going down.  I would have told you what he called to talk to me about and tell me.  But no, I got off the phone and you were being a little bitch too pissed off and jealous to actually care about what I had going on or what was going on.  If you really, and I mean really want anything with you and me to work Brendon, you're gonna have to grow up a little bit, because if this is what I'm going to have to deal with every time a friend of mine calls me or shows up, I'm not going to deal with it.  It isn't you or them, if we're in a relationship its you and them in my life, it isn't an either or situation and if you make it that way then it isn't going to be you."

That hurt.  It stung as much as the tears that were forming in my eyes.  I needed to hear this though, I just had to decide if I was ready to live up to what he said.  I understood what he said, completely, but I wasn’t sure if I could do it.  
Looking away before the tears fell, I took a deep breath.  I could do this, I know I could.

“Ok, I am willing to try.  I mean, I am going to grow up.  And I am sorry.  I am so sorry, I am sorry I didn’t take that moment to ask, and I am sorry that I acted so immature, and I am sorry I didn’t ask you who called, and I am sorry I was jealous, and I am sorry I fucked all of this up.  But I will work on it.  I promise.  No, I guarantee it.  I can do it Ryan, I know I can, as long as you will help me along the way.”

I bit my lip, thinking about what he had said.  Something about LA, and that it was his friend, and the two of them in the big city.  He was going to go.  He was going to leave.  I felt the tears again.  I’m not sure if I even have the strength to work on this is he was going to be leaving anyway.  But I have to be strong, and mature, “So, that was the guy, your best friend, that you are going to go to LA with, in like a few days like you said?”

I nodded a little and stepped toward him.  I knew he picked up on the LA thing, how could he not?  I chewed on my lip a little and shrugged a little.  "Yeah, that was my best friend.  The one I've been working on this LA intern thing with.  He called to tell me we got it.  Out of 1,000 applicants, they chose us.  Just the two of us.  I'm not sure why we both got it rather than two people who don't know each other, but they gave it to us."

I ran my hand through my hair and looked into his eyes.  I saw the tears.  I didn't want him to cry because I was going to come back, but there was nothing I could do.  I wanted this, and the future it could give me too badly to throw away the opportunity because of a relationship that hadn't even started.  "He'll be here next week.  I'm calling him tomorrow to make plans.  But he'll be here next week to make sure we're on the same page and to get some things organized here before we go.  We have three weeks until we have to be there.  We have to decide if we're flying or driving and we have to check out where we're staying.  Luckily we don't have to rent hotels or anything though..."

I trailed off and murmured.  "I committed myself to this before I met you Brendon.  This is nothing against you or about you.  This is about my future."

“No, that’s amazing, I am happy for you, you mean, damn, who wouldn’t want you..” I twisted my lips, “Even though I have no clue what you are doing, I still would pick you.  And, I know, I will be heading off to college in the fall too, so I mean, it’s not like we don’t have lives outside this,” I was trying to sound strong and mature.

I sighed, watching him fiddle with his hair and, “And I know it is your future, I mean, we couldn’t have picked the worse time to start something between the two of us.  Here we are both stressed out about two things, and we are almost taking it out on each other.  You and LA and finals, and me with my sexuality and graduation.  And I’m sorry again for being a immature, and as Amanda says, having ‘bi-poloarness’ but it is true I guess, I mean, the time I have spent with you, I’ve been up and down, and stuff, and I am sorry for that.  But am glad that you haven’t kicked my ass for it yet, but maybe that is what I need, a good ass kicking.”

I nodded as I looked at him.  He really was trying to be all strong and adult about me leaving the state for three months.  I didn't want to hurt him, and I didn't want to make the situation worse and as much as I wanted to just keep him and have him, three months was a long time.  There was the possibility that he'd come out to family and friends completely, some guy would catch his eye, he'd want to be with him, and he'd forget about me.  There was also the chance I'd meet a guy in LA and end up in a relationship there.  Long distance relationships were hard to deal with.  And here I was, an experienced guy looking at being in one with an inexperienced guy.  I doubted he'd want to wait for me for three months.

I nodded at him and shrugged a little.  "Maybe you do Brendon, but maybe..."  My heart hurt as I said this too.  "Maybe what you really need is someone who is going through what you are going through too.  Someone working their way out and not someone who is openly out.  Maybe you need someone who is just as inexperienced as you are.  I mean...I'll be gone for three months...do you really want to wait for me for three months when you're going to be hit on by other guys like crazy and have your choice of them?"

“Yeah, I guess, maybe that is what I need, I mean, we have gone really fast these past few weeks, and we both know that you are far more advanced than me, in many aspects, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends...”  thinking about it, I didn’t want tonight to end, this could be my last night ever with him, and I want to make the best of it, and if my attitude ruined that, then I don’t know what I would do with myself.

“You are right though, anything could happen in the next three months, so, why don’t we, right now, just forget about everything that just happened the past hour.  I don’t mean, act like it never happened, cause I think we both learned a lot from it, but I mean, let’s just like, I dunno, cherish the time we have together right now.  And tell me I am wrong for suggesting we go to Spencer’s party or we head back to your dorm, I mean, if you don’t think that would be ok or something,” I couldn’t look him in the eye, so I fiddled with my shirt.

I frowned when he said we could still be friends and that he did need someone who was on the same level as him.  I ran my hand through my hair and turned my face away.  I wasn't really sure what to say or do from that.  I left in three weeks.  I was already attached to this kid, another three weeks going like we had for the past few, and I'd be too attached to him to just leave and not be hurt by it.  If what he wanted was to be friends, then friends is what we were going to be and nothing more.  I closed my eyes and sighed.

"If that's what you want Brendon, then I'll back off, and we can...just be friends..."  I bit my lip a little and looked over at him.  "We can go to Spencer's.  But I don't think you should come back to my dorm tonight.  You should stay at Spencer's, I'll just....go back home sometime later tonight when you guys all go to sleep."  I nodded my head a little, but didn't meet his eyes, I couldn't.  Right now, I needed to not be close to him if I was going to follow through on the friends thing.

PART II